This episode is brought to you by Michelob Ultra.
Cracking open a cold one on a hot summer day is one of the best feelings, but it's even better when it feels like you earned it, like in a friendly little competition.
It's always better when there's something worth playing for.
And Michelob Ultra, a superior light beer, is a pretty great prize.
I mean I would be all tennis for Michelob Ultras, because that's what I do all summer, because Tennis is an actual sport, unlike pickleball.
So tennis, doubles, singles, whatever.
Let's play for an ultra.
Fill your fridge with Michelob Ultra this summer at doordash.com.
Enjoy responsibly.
Copyright 2025.
Anheuser-Busch Michelob Ultra Light Beer, St.
Louis, Missouri.
The Bill Simmons Podcast brought to you by FanDuel Sportsbook.
We're also brought to you by the Ringer Podcast Network.
We have a new rewatch of what's coming for you on Monday night.
We did Legend of Billie Jean, 40th anniversary of an absolute cable classic.
It was on all the time in the mid-80s.
Chris Ryan and I broke it down.
It's a one for us because it's the first week of football season.
We figured we could sneak it in.
Also on the Prestige TV Podcast, there's a great new show on HBO called Task.
And me and Mal I'm sorry me and Joanna Robinson and Rob Mahoney mallory's not on it, but the other two are, and we're breaking down tasks on sunday nights.
Right after the episode goes up on hbo you can listen to our recap episode about it.
So the first one's up every sunday night.
We'll be doing that and it's an awesome show.
I highly highly, highly recommend it.
I recommend all of our ringer podcasts, obviously.
Uh, football season this is our time basketball's coming, pop culture is in full swing and uh, and we're excited to serve all kinds of content.
I would highly encourage you to check out our two.
One's a relatively new college football podcast.
The other is brand new the ringer tailgate with van and joel and tate, and then uh, todd mcshay's podcast.
Uh, just a staple has already turned into an awesome podcast for us, so they're going live on youtube on saturday on staggered times.
Tailgate is first and then uh, and then mcshay is after that, and then, last but not least, The Ringer Sunday pregame.
We launched that today too, on our YouTube channel.
So subscribe to Ringer Gambling on YouTube and all of our stuff is on YouTube and on Spotify video as well.
Coming up, week one, Cousin Sal.
We're back, baby.
Let's take a break.
Let's bring in Pearl Jam and then the Cus.
It's the Bill Simmons podcast presented by Fando and the NFL is back.
And thank God.
Fando has everything.
They got an awesome app.
They have SGPs.
They have great futures.
They have good prop bets, live betting, your way bets, clean app.
It's great to use.
Been using it for a few years.
Every time I go back to Boston or any place that has Fando and I get to use it, I'm always excited.
I'm on an airplane runway.
You done the airplane runway?
Oh, everybody.
Airplane runway.
There should be a button.
The runway button.
I'm on the airplane runway.
I got to get this in.
Get your bets in.
Build something bold.
Make every game feel bigger.
Download the Fando app or head to Fando.com slash BS to get started.
The Ringer.
Committed to responsible gaming.
Please visit rg-helpcom to learn more about the resources and helplines available, and listen to the end of this episode for additional details.
You must be 21 plus in president select states or 18 plus in president DC, Kentucky, or Wyoming.
Get in problem, call 1-800-GAMBLE or visit rg-help.com.
Call 1-888-789-777 or visit ccpg.org slash chat in Connecticut.
Paid endorsement.
All right, we are recording right after Bill's Ravens.
It is 8.42 Pacific time.
I'm just traumatized by that game, Cousin Sal.
I had Ravens minus one and a half.
I had them ringer 107, had it in real life.
I marked it up to win.
Bill's fans leaving the stadium.
Ravens, I think, had at least 10, 20-plus yard plays.
And yet again, they proved why they are the hardened Rockets.
It all looks great.
Lots of stats, lots of points.
And yet you can't trust them in moments like this.
I'm sure it'll be fine.
We'll forget this game 15 weeks from now, but better win for the Bills or worse loss for the Ravens.
I think it's a worse loss for the Ravens.
I feel like for the first two and a half hours, maybe I'm wrong.
They seem focused on, all right, we're not fucking around.
We're going to get the one seed, and we know what to do with it this year.
And we're light years ahead.
That's the more depressing thing.
I watch these two teams.
I'm like, holy shit, these teams are so much better than the team I root for.
It's true.
No, but honestly, why are we betting these guys?
I might not bet the Sunday night game anyway, just because I'm on with you afterwards.
And this is should be a pleasant thing.
But to bet Baltimore Buffalo, I think it's like, why are we doing this to ourselves?
We just it's going to be a classic.
It's going to be one tiptoe in bounds or not.
We're just.
It's like going to a Michelin star restaurant and like and like doing loading up on gummies ahead of time.
Like, no, let's enjoy the great meals.
Yeah, but they rope-adopt us on this one because this game was done.
The Ravens were scoring every time they had the ball.
The fans were leaving for a reason.
I called house halfway through the fourth quarter to talk about our ringer 107.
I'm like, well, 2-2.
I'm really mad at the Falcons.
We should be 3-1.
I just didn't see a scenario where, if the Ravens had the ball with the lead, they weren't going to be able to put away the game.
The Bills have that weird, awkward drive. midway through the fourth quarter, near the end of it.
Ravens get it back, fumble.
Now all of a sudden it's like, oh, what happened?
And then the Ravens had just an awful three and out.
In the last two and a half minutes of the game where it's like just use Lamar, use Derrick Henry, just use your assets.
They haven't stopped it all day.
And I thought they played scared and conservatively.
But I just this Lamar versus Josh.
I was thinking about it during the game.
This is the best possible football game we can have in 2022, 2025 with these two guys.
This is, there's no better matchup.
There are no two players I'd rather see play each other.
And it's weird to shove Mahomes to the side when he's won three Super Bowls and he's allegedly the face of the league.
But I just think this is the marquee matchup from an entertainment standpoint.
Am I correct?
You're correct.
The Chiefs are not the team that scores 40.
Not that, you know, some people don't like the 40-40 games, but I loved it.
I enjoyed it.
We saw the two best players going at it at the highest level, but Mahomes and the Chiefs aren't there anymore.
I don't think they have been in like four years where they could score in the 40s consistently.
But it was such a great one and I just feel like we're idiots for having so much riding on it.
Like, there should be something, no, but something.
All right, if we're going to bet it and we have all these bets.
That's like not betting Canelo Crawford next week.
Like you have to bet it.
It's the two best quarterbacks.
But can we hook up some device that buzzes our neck hard if we can cash in at 15 to 1 on live odds on the freaking bills?
Or zag the other way.
Yeah, we should have to be able to do that.
But a great game.
It was unfortunate with Henry, because he dominated, and then that's the big fumble, and that's what everyone's going to talk about.
But, yeah, you don't want to give either of these quarterbacks the ball last.
That punt, did you have a problem with that punt on fourth and three?
I thought it was weird.
I mean, what are they going to do?
They're going to go for that?
Then you don't get it and you're basically handing them the game.
Maybe you get it back is the thing.
You've seen them score.
There's 80 points.
It's rained the last three weeks.
Bring a freaking umbrella.
You know they're going to score again if you don't wind that clock out.
I don't know.
Yeah, I guess.
So the Bills defense, I just thought got crushed all night.
It was embarrassing.
Like they were just giving up big plays all over the place.
And it almost seemed like the Ravens couldn't decide which big play to go for.
I thought Allen was spectacular.
I thought the Ravens' defense was better than the Bills' defense in this game, and Allen just made a couple awesome throws.
And when they had the All-22 behind him, camera for some of the throws.
This is why, a month ago, when I was like I know he doesn't have the resume yet, but I find it hard to believe there's a better quarterback than Josh right now.
And he kind of needed this one.
I think you know, because if the Ravens come back and they flip what happened last year in the playoff game, the Bills defense has all these questions.
And it's like, ah, same old, same old with the Bills.
They're going to go 12-5 or 13-4 in a crappy division.
And I'm still not going to trust their infrastructure and their coaching and all these other things.
But now they can always say, no, no, it's different this year.
Remember when we came back?
And then if you're the Ravens, it's like, we did this last year.
And then we won like 10, 11 in a row.
Like nobody loses dumber games in the fourth quarter than the Ravens.
And I guess I got to take some accountability because on our ringer 107 chat I was doing all the records and I had house and I had two and two.
And all of a sudden the bill scored again.
And it was a one score game.
And people are like, you're jinxed.
I'm like, nah, you're fine.
The Ravens stopped the Ravens all game.
I'll take some accountability.
It was a rookie mistake for me in my mid 50s.
I think all I think I think actually Collinsworth was blaming you after the game.
Bill, just shut your mouth and watch.
Come on.
Who needs to hear from you right now?
I just want to I just want to spoon with these two quarterbacks at halftime.
Is that against the rules?
I was thinking the Collinsworth tackle skill.
Yeah.
Lamar's a 10 and Josh is like a nine and a half.
And I think my home is probably a nine.
Cause Lamar had that, that crazy scramble when he almost got I feel like he does this once a game on national TV.
The, I almost get sacked twice.
I do the whirly burrowed all of a sudden I'm running.
And and he.
I think they said in next gen stats he traveled 76 yards, but as he was doing it, if you rewind it you can hear Collins where it's like.
But those both of those guys, they were just especially when you're watching all the games all day and they're just so clearly.
Above all these other guys we watched all day, you know.
Definitely, definitely some of those quarterbacks at 1 p.m. on the East Coast, yeah.
And so many times you thought the Bills were done, right?
Between the two guys just running faster than anybody, Lamar and Henry, and then DeAndre's making these one-handed catches.
It's like, well, that's unfair.
He's 32, 33, he's going to bring that in?
Who the hell's even going to come close to stopping this team?
But they have some grit man the Bills to be able to come back from that when everybody in the world thought they were done.
To be able to come back from their fans walking out.
They ended up with almost 500 yards of offense, 497 and 389 passing.
Meanwhile, the Baltimore had 194 passing, 238 rushing.
And I swear they had 10, 20-plus plays.
The Buffalo had 29 first downs.
Do you see, if you had to bet right now, I could give you an over-under of one and you could bet the push of these two teams in the AFC title game.
Would you go zero, one or two?
Um...
What the hell am I answering here?
Oh, how many of the teams?
Oh, I see.
Ravens-Bills.
Sorry to be making it confusing.
I'll give you zero, one, or two.
Yeah, I'll go two.
So you're going both or in?
Yeah, I mean, all right.
I think the Chiefs now fall back a little bit.
I'm going to say one.
I think one of them makes it, one of them doesn't.
But then who jumps in?
So then the Chiefs would have to upset.
It really would be an upset at this point, I think, if these guys are playing like this.
Maybe the Chargers after what we saw in Brazil.
You know what's interesting?
I looked at the MVP 20 minutes ago.
It was Lamar 3-1, Allen plus 500.
Now it's Allen plus 380, Lamar plus 550.
Oh, this is on Fandle?
This is on Fandle.
And Henry, 125 to 1.
He was 65 to 1.
20 minutes ago.
Just that fumble killed him?
Yeah, that was it.
Was Daniel Jones on there or no?
No, but can he win comeback player?
I don't know.
Baker, 33-1.
Jordan Love down to 12-1.
Remember, we were talking about that when that was 25-1.
I had another unbelievable one.
So in fantasy, in the league that we care about the knockout league, that we have a lot of drama that we got to talk about a little bit later.
Oh, yeah.
I had James Cook going against the Bills defense and I'm down like 20 plus points to our friend the MOOC.
And the fantasy site we use has me as a 1% chance of winning for two hours.
Meanwhile, James Cook has a touchdown.
He has 18 points.
The Bills defense has nothing.
And I'm six back with that last TD drive.
And they still have me at 1%.
I'm like, update the site, you motherfuckers.
And then Cook gets stuffed at like the half inch line.
And that's been the story of me in fantasy football for 18 years.
Not to mention gambling, losing this game.
So sorry.
I don't think the guru watches the games.
It's like, hey, the defense is playing with seven players.
Cook should not be at 1% on the dog.
The guru is definitely AI.
So the other thing we had were the unders today were 11 and one before this game.
Right.
And the two games that went over went spectacularly over this game and the and the bizarre jet Steelers game.
And then everything else went under.
And I have no explanation for that.
Yeah.
Yeah. but we always know this.
This is where you and I need to be smarter.
It's like the offensive lines are the latest to gel, right?
Why aren't we betting unders?
Like just, all right, if we lose, whatever, then we can move on to a different narrative.
But yeah, I was so mad.
I did tell you that Steelers-Jets.
I didn't think they'd be.
I didn't think Rodgers would throw for four touchdowns, but I thought that was a four box game.
Ended up being a great one.
Yeah, you did call that one.
I got to hand it to you.
So the Bills.
That was their first win by 15-plus in the fourth quarter in the regular season since 1967, before either of us were alive.
Right.
Memorable game.
I picked the Bills to win the Super Bowl, to beat the Green Bay Packers.
Did you have them in the Super Bowl or not?
I have them beating the Buccaneers, so...
I'll stick with it.
I'll stick with it.
It was a loss for us with the Ravens today, but a win for us long term.
And, I think, the Bills.
I'd be shocked if they didn't sign Jabril Peppers, who the Patriots inexplicably waived last week and then probably needed today.
But I just think they're going to keep throwing bodies at that safety issue and try to figure it out.
Listen, we're excited and rightfully so about this game.
But the Ravens beat them in the regular season, right?
And then the Bills beat them in the playoffs.
So you can only put too much weight on September 7th.
You see, when a fan shoves the player on another team and then the star player on that team shoves the fan back and we have like a stands altercation, the karma of that usually sinks the fan base.
Right.
The opposite.
Seemed like it ignited the bills.
Yeah.
Lamar shoved one of our guys.
We don't have some drunk idiot.
Probably.
I don't know if he was drunk or just crazy leaning over way to get involved.
He's going to cash in.
He's going to get like 14 signed balls now because of it.
Yeah.
You think he's, he'll be victimized somehow.
Sure.
Yeah.
Who did, where did, where'd you have in the Phillies lady?
Would you have in that whole thing?
She's great.
That was too harsh for her?
You like that?
Too harsh?
Yeah.
You know, I don't know.
I go too far.
We have like three aunts who would do that.
Yeah, I know.
I know.
But it's like, we're going to find out where she lives.
She's never going to work another day again.
It's like, all right.
In the moment, she got caught up and thought the ball was hers.
Probably shouldn't have left her seat.
But, you know, people do dumb things.
Philly's fan, too.
Yeah, Philly's fan.
Any other Ravens-Bills takes?
Not really.
You seem distraught.
As we get distraught, you lose a lot of money.
You lose money.
I was on the 107.
We had the Ravens as well.
And that third part of it, what I said earlier, that my team is never going to be even close to that good.
Yours either, by the way.
We'll talk about it.
The AFC East, that was their only win today.
The Bill Simmons Podcast is brought to you by FanDuel.
Football fans, week one, not over yet.
FanDuel still the best place to keep celebrating, because they're giving all customers a no-sweat NFL bet on tonight's game.
For the Moneyline to player props, same-game parlays whatever you want.
Your no-sweat bet could be used on any NFL wager type and if it doesn't win, you'll get bonus bets back.
So we got Bears hosting the Vikings, a Monday night game.
I think the Bears are going to win.
I would probably, if I was doing a same game parlay, I would probably do something with Caleb TD.
Maybe Roma Dunze.
Why not?
Bears to win.
I don't know.
Put it together.
But I think the Bears are going to win on Monday night.
Visit Fandocom slash BS to kick off your NFL season with a no sweat bet every game day during week one.
Make FanDuel your go-to app for all of this stuff, by the way.
Play your game with FanDuel, an official sports betting partner of the NFL.
Must be 21 plus present in select states or 18 plus present in DC, Kentucky, or Wyoming.
Opt-in required.
Refund issued as non-withdrawable bonus bets that expire seven days after receipt.
Max refund unless otherwise specified $5.
Restrictions apply, including token expiration.
See terms at sportsbook.finder.com.
Get in problem, call 1-800-GAMBLER.
Visit rg-help.com.
Call 1-88-79-7777 or visit ccpg.org slash chat in Connecticut.
This episode is brought to you by LinkedIn.
As a small business owner, you don't have the luxury of clocking out early.
Your business is on your mind 24-7.
So when you're hiring, you need a partner that works just as hard as you do.
That hiring partner is LinkedIn Jobs.
When you clock out, LinkedIn clocks in.
LinkedIn's new feature can help you write job descriptions and then quickly get your job in front of the right people with deep candidate insights.
Nice.
At the end of the day, the most important thing to your small business is the quality of candidates.
And with LinkedIn, you can feel confident you're getting the best.
You can even add a hashtag hiring frame to your profile picture and get two times more qualified candidates.
Post your job for free at linkedin.com slash Simmons terms and conditions apply.
Week one panic rankings.
I'm just going to throw some things out at you.
Tell me what the number is from a zero to 10.
We got to start with the Dolphins.
They got absolutely demolished.
I think the halftime, the yardage was like Indy had 270 or something like that.
And Miami had like 44.
Two looked atrocious.
Uh, Daniel Jones.
His career was rejuvenated to the point that there's now comeback player of the year action on him.
Indy statistically had the best offense, I think of week one heading into this game.
And then the bills Ravens, uh, demolished them.
But you and I, neither of us like Miami heading into the season.
And I think the over under landed at seven and a half.
I bet it multiple times.
I have them all under five and a half.
I just thought they're going to suck.
And guess what?
They suck.
I don't know if it's going to last, but they suck for that.
I think you nailed it.
I would be careful because they have your team next week.
So maybe don't say too much, but seven and a half the panic meter we're.
We're picking a number, or Miami.
I think seven and a half is a good number for that too.
But yeah, I would say eight because their defense is way worse than I thought too.
I mean, two, we could throw the picks and we could point and laugh at that stuff.
That's going to happen, I guess, but the Colts, This is a weird stat.
The Colts had seven drives the whole game and scored on every one of them and that's never happened, or that hasn't happened in like 70 years.
How do you have seven drives?
You have three drives, one half?
One of the halves, you had three drives.
They had a couple long ones.
There was interceptions where they got the ball in Miami territory and then I don't know a lot of clock killing.
39-21 time of possession.
So, I mean, that's pretty dominant, but good job.
I mean, that guy, if they don't fire him, what is, is it Halloween?
Do we have a name for that?
Like, can you get to Halloween?
I was going to, I was going to ask you this.
We lost the clapper.
Sadly, we didn't really lose him because he's on NBC and we have to watch him on television.
We had to watch him fill during a rain delay.
We lost coach middle seat.
We need a new kind of coach whipping boy with a nickname.
And obviously it should be Mike McDaniel.
Possible nicknames for him.
Mike McWeirdo. coach one day closer to death.
Cause that was a quote from his Mike McDon't.
I don't know.
What do we want to call him?
Do we, or maybe we let the listeners come up with it or people in the YouTube chat.
What we, we gotta, it's gotta be on the par of the clapper and coach middle seed.
And I don't know, I do.
I don't mind coach one day closer to death.
That's pretty good.
That's pretty good.
I'd like to hit the nerd angle a little if someone's thinking about it.
I can't.
What's the Coach McDungeons and Dragons?
I don't know.
I don't know what his thing would be, but he's more annoying.
You know, if you're a tough guy.
Coach McDungeons?
Oh, that's good.
Coach McDungeons.
I don't know at the clapper that shout out to Lombardi.
I don't know if we're ever stopped popping the clacker.
I do.
I don't mind coach one day closer to death because he's also, Oh, that's right.
Now I know what you're saying.
First coach fire.
Yeah.
He had that quote.
Yeah.
Yeah.
When he was like kind of shaking off a bad practice and said, we're all one day closer to death.
That might be it.
Uh, the other achievement they did.
So I had them in the multi-view, uh, Knocked him out like halfway through the second quarter.
I don't even remember a week one.
You need to go here.
Here's the door.
Here are the keys to your car.
The valet's pulling car up.
Please leave.
Just knocked out.
Never to be seen again on the, cause we had eight games in the early games.
Had to get them out.
Next week we have nine.
One day, FanDuel is going to have odds on like how long it takes for you to knock a certain game out of your four box.
That would be great.
I thought it was going to be Pittsburgh Jets.
I thought it would have been over under 50 minutes, just like a slugfest six to three in the fourth quarter.
And it actually was entertaining, as you said.
Week one panic ranking.
So I'm going to go.
I'm going higher than you.
I'm going nine and a half for Miami because defensive back's terrible.
Offensive line didn't look good.
Tua, I don't know.
And then the coaching thing and just the general malaise.
But they are getting the Pats, who seem like a mess against the Raiders.
My son, look, there was a shot of Tyreek Hill just convulsing on the sideline.
He's like, oh, he's crashing out.
That's a big thing with the kids, crashing out.
I was like, what, is that bad?
Like tweaking?
Yeah, is that the medical thing?
Should he really be?
It's like, no, no, he'll be all right.
He's just crashing out.
Like, oh, he's having a little tantrum.
That's good.
So he'll demand the trade in three weeks.
So old, crashing out. yeah crashing out okay uh week one panic rankings Kansas City's AFC West dominance hmm so they're in last place for the first time since like uh 1998 um It's interesting.
Vegas looked good.
We're going to talk about that game later.
Vegas' offense looked good.
And I was pretty impressed by them in general, the Bowers to get hurt.
The Chargers were awesome on Friday in Brazil.
Excellent.
And then Denver turned the ball over four times at home and somehow still won by eight.
KC's AFC West run, do you still think they win the division?
And is that a panic yet?
I'm going to stay with it.
I'm going to say a five panic, but that could jump to a seven if they lose to the Eagles.
I know it's not a division game, but, um, yeah, they, they could be in a little bit of trouble.
I mean, where are these?
It's a giant loss.
They're not moving the ball.
Like I said, you're not going to count on Kelsey, for you know three touchdowns every two weeks, or anything.
Kelsey with the friendly fire, just annihilating worthy.
It wasn't a great way to start the game.
Yeah.
Also wasn't great in our deity league for, uh, our publicist, Louis K. Yeah.
Who I think is getting bounced.
Who got one play out of Xavier Worthy and that was it for him.
Yeah, that's bad news.
I'm in another league with someone at Worthy and A.J.
Brown.
So it's like a zero is a one across the board.
Yeah, Chiefs are plus 170.
What were they?
There was like a pick-em, right?
Yeah, they were like minus 110.
So they're plus 170 on FanDuel.
Chargers are plus 190.
Broncos are plus 260.
So they were around 300 to 330 all year.
Now that's plus 260.
And then... the Raiders are 9-1.
That Chiefs plus 170, that has to be the highest it's been since they've had Mahomes.
There can't be any other situation where they haven't been minus 110 or higher.
That year they went on the road, they still won the division, right?
Yeah, they always win the division.
Plus 170 is giant.
Well, I'll tell you, Would you want to talk about that game now really quick?
Sure, why not?
That Friday Brazil?
First, I'm never betting on the Brazil game again.
So good luck to the rest of the Brazil games.
I just think we're two in a row.
Just put that game over there.
It's just basically on crack.
Herbert was incredible.
That was the best game I've ever seen him play.
And I know I've been in the camp of all right.
Can he at least earn it before we call him a top seven QB?
And the nerds love him and it's been this whole thing.
And the nerds have always been about the potential of him and the efficiency versus the actual results and stuff like getting his ass kicked in the playoffs last year.
He fucking crushed the chiefs in that game.
That was one thing.
The chiefs defense, I thought looked really wobbly.
And then same stuff with with uh chiefs offense, where the explosive plays seem just really hard for them.
Now where they went out early.
But uh, They remind me of the Pats after the 07, kind of between the two eras before they got it going again, when they're in that kind of weird trying to figure out who they were and the infrastructure was there and they still had the QB, but it was obviously a transition from one era to another.
And I just wonder what the ceiling for them is.
I didn't think they were impressive at all.
No, they weren't.
But so the ceiling is, are they 11 and 0 and 1 score games, you know, going forward?
Because that's what they were last year, right?
0 and 1, right?
0 and 1.
But like, what do we, you know, what do we expect?
Like, is this going to be a team that hangs on and makes you pay in the end?
I mean, it didn't look like, they looked like they were dominant, like you said.
Like Herbert, we've seen, well, how many quarterbacks have we seen in our life? like 73,000.
I don't know.
But when he's hopping around in the pocket and he has time, I get like Dan Marino vibes.
I'm like, he's going to complete this pass.
I don't know where it's going.
And now I feel like he's comfortable.
Like he had eight different pass catchers on a Friday, whatever day it was.
And Quentin Johnston looks like a serious player now.
So it's kind of like a different offense.
He was killing them on third and longs, which are usually where the Chiefs would dial up some spagnolo or something.
It wasn't working in that game.
And the other thing we talked about this when we did the preseason thing about Slater going out and how they were equipped to replace that better than Renly, because they could move Joe Alt over, which still made them weaker.
But they did have Joe Alt, who was like the sixth pick in the draft two years ago.
And by all accounts, I mean, he was awesome in the game, but then the advanced metrics of like...
He was 0 for 44 when you tried to pressure him.
He just completely dominated whoever he was going against.
There's a little nobody believes in us, too, that I considered.
I shorted them.
I went against them for the playoffs.
But everybody had either Denver or KC in that division.
Everybody had them going backwards.
The Slater injury.
But I thought they had a little oomph to them in that game.
Well, first of all, I think we overvalue or overrate, or don't know how to analyze offensive line injuries.
Like that Vera Tucker guy goes out for the Jets and he's obviously their best lineman and they're still scoring points.
Somehow it didn't matter.
For the right tackle and the Falcons, they're still moving the ball.
Right.
So just maybe ignore it.
I know it could be a disaster if two or three of these guys go out.
But I don't know if it's so nobody believes in us, but it might just be nobody roots for us.
Like nobody roots for us like they do in Brazil.
Yeah.
So now it's because I feel like people love the Chargers.
They want the Chargers to win.
They want the Bengals to win.
These are teams that disappoint over and over and over for one reason or another.
What do you got for the Ravens on the panic scale?
I mean, they've been here.
They've literally been here before.
No, that's a good team.
That's a great team.
I mean, they're not going to win the division, you don't think?
You saw Cincinnati you thought was better than that?
Pittsburgh, fine.
With about eight minutes left.
In that game, the lead of this podcast would have been, holy shit, Baltimore's head and shoulders above every team in the league.
Right.
And this is what they did multiple times last year where they would play these.
That's why the heart and rockets analogy is so perfect for them.
Hit a million threes and then the game gets tight and all of a sudden, those threes, it gets a little tighter.
I'm not worried about them.
I'm a two.
I'm a two.
It's a dumb loss and nobody will remember it happened eight weeks from now.
Right.
It's way more important for Buffalo.
The Bryce Young bandwagon, he was bad.
Yeah.
He was bad.
And that was a weird game because there was like a very strange lightning delay.
Barely ended just now.
Yeah.
It was like 3-3 for a while.
Then it was 10-3.
There was a lightning delay.
Travis Etienne ran for 71 yards, took him down inside like the 20.
All of a sudden, it was 17-3.
And Bryce Young, two picks, a fumble.
He had a pick six that got saved by Jacksonville penalty and called back.
On the other side of the field, and then he follows it up with a touchdown.
So his stats would have looked a lot worse than that.
And then the other one he had, which really should be, there should be a way to keep track of this.
Fourth and goal, throws it out of the end zone.
Mm-hmm.
That should almost be a turnover.
If you're not, instead of throwing it out of the end zone, just lob it into a group of people and hope it gets batted around or something like you know it's not going to work throwing it in the end zone.
So I just thought he was awful.
And I didn't really understand the Bryce Young.
I mean, it was nice that he wasn't a bust last year because he played better.
But it wasn't like, uh-oh, here comes Bryson.
He was okay second half of last year compared to what we thought he was going to be.
But he was bad today.
I think he took him to overtime like three times or something.
It's a little overblown how great he was towards the end of the year.
But it's a bad sign that they got Andy Dalton a driver.
Um, the team that, which means, uh, they're looking to put him in anytime soon.
They got him a way about 24 hour way.
It's like secret service protection for the quarterback, but just when it comes to driving uh uh the Brycey on bandwagon, I'm going to put out a solid seven.
Yeah, that's good.
Okay.
I'll go seven.
Yep.
How about the Detroit lions offense without Ben Johnson?
Uh, What do you got for that?
I'm going four here.
I don't know why.
I mean, isn't that to be expected, that they're out of sorts a little in the offense without a great coordinator?
And the athletes are good enough that they'll eventually catch up.
You forget, like these guys, the dumb thing is a lot of these guys didn't play in preseason, right?
Yeah.
So if you lose a coordinator and you don't play in preseason, that first game is going to suck.
I mean, you had the Packers, right?
I did.
I thought the Lions offensive line was pretty sketchy in that game.
And that game was not as close as the final score.
The game felt like it was over for an hour and a half.
And at one point it was like 23-3, 26-3, something like that.
I'm more worried about the Detroit offense than you.
I think that I think that Ben Johnson, that just they were kind of just had an overqualified coaching staff and now they have a normal coaching staff, on top of not having as good on my offensive line, which was one of the reasons to go under with them.
So I'm probably like a six with that.
I think Gibbs had 10 receptions for 31 yards or something.
We saw like five stats that never existed before.
Oh, man.
They were trying so hard to get him going.
Yeah.
Next one for the Panic Rankings.
Bo Nix fantasy owners.
Yeah.
He wasn't a top five fantasy QB, but he was kind of right there.
Like, oh, if I can get Bo Nix, I'm good.
Yeah.
He was awful in that Tennessee game.
Like, really bad.
And the Broncos in general, the offense was alarmingly bad.
But I thought he was bad.
This was the Bo Nix we were worried about when he was coming out of college.
So I'm going to be...
I'm at least a five for my Super Bowl fringe contender, Broncos hopes that I had, and then win the division, all that stuff.
I'll put it at a five also.
He was not good today at all.
Probably could have had like four interceptions.
He calls his own number a lot.
He runs his way out of like bad situations.
So that's good.
And he threw a dime.
The touchdown pass was very solid.
But yeah, for the first half it looked like He was the rookie and Cam Ward was the second-year quarterback, kind of like Caleb Williams versus Will Levis game one last year.
But it picked up.
That game had, and we all sniffed it out.
We knew it was Survivor.
We knew it teases and parlays.
That game had all the makings and Denver did everything they could to try, but the Titans offensively, just they had no chance against that Broncos defense.
They couldn't move the ball.
I think that was the NFL eliminator gods putting their hand on our shoulders and be like, hey guys, it's not going to be easy this year.
Don't think you're going to go check us.
Well, we had that.
We had Arizona against New Orleans.
New Orleans driving at the end, and then we had that ridiculous Cleveland-Cincinnati game.
Next for the panic rankings the look on another person's face as you tell them.
I think I'm going to bet the Falcons at home.
What are your thoughts?
I hate this.
Because for me, it needs to be intervention, like TV intervention style.
Like the first of a one hour show in the 90s where somebody knocks on the character's door and it's like, hey, can you come over to Bobby's house?
And then all his friends are there and they intervene.
I'm just never doing it again.
I can't do it again.
I can't.
I'm writing down all the things you're never doing again.
That one I'm never doing again.
And then I had a drive that was an hour long to try to go ahead in the fourth quarter where they were inside the 10 and somehow had two consecutive four down.
There were challenges.
It ended up being 10 plays inside the five.
And then they got it and then they lost anyway.
Yeah, I feel like we get it with Penix already.
Every play is going to be him diving for the pylon.
It's going to be close or his knee is down or his elbows down before he reached over the goal line.
But I thought we agreed not to bet this one.
I thought we said we like Tampa Bay.
Tampa Bay is banged up.
We're going to sit out because.
Atlanta is going to probably win this game.
And then we could, then we could pound Tampa Bay for the division.
That's not how it worked out, but there's still minus one 70.
I wouldn't mind that.
And you can blame yourself too.
You did the Falcons three exclamation.
Exclamation points um on our text.
When, uh when, panic scored there, I think.
Right.
I did.
I forgot.
Yeah.
Well, the bundle said in our text thread that uh, for some reason, coup has been involved in an intimate moment of of 42 straight Falcons games.
I don't know how that's possible.
1 PM.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's funny how I did not think he was going to make that kick.
Boswell in the Pittsburgh jets game, where it's like Boswell from six, it's like ah, this will be good from 90.
Um, and coup is a good kicker, but for some reason it, it, there was a little bit of a stank.
He'd already missed a PAT earlier in the game.
Uh, that.
Tampa missed a PAT, right?
McLaughlin missed.
Yeah, the special teams is awful today.
I know it takes a minute for the offensive lines to gel, but the special teams other than the Steelers somehow Boswell getting out there all of a sudden.
I don't know.
Is he a top three kicker you would trust for that?
I couldn't believe how confidently he went out there and knocked it through.
Last one for the panic rankings, Houston's offense, which looked awful against the Rams.
Now they're missing a couple of receivers, but I thought their offensive line was alarming.
And the Rams, they have good defense.
It's not that good.
And Houston just couldn't do anything.
They took out Collins.
And this was the big fear with Houston going into it.
All of us were trying to figure out a different AFC South team to pick.
None of us could talk ourselves into Jacksonville, Indianapolis, or Tennessee.
Everyone begrudgingly took the Texans.
Well, they have CJ Stratton.
They have some good receivers.
Their defense is good.
I thought the offense.
The fact that they were relying on Nick Chubb like that too is just kind of.
I kept hearing rumors of this the last couple of weeks.
But man, nine points for them.
And I'm concerned.
Yeah, I'll give it a six.
I'll give it a six.
I'm a seven.
You don't need to score a lot to win that division, probably.
But yeah, what happened?
Our friend Hench drafted like... He drafted Marks.
I was like, what?
Who is that?
He's like, it's like the fourth string running back for Texas.
Is that A-R-X or C-K-S?
How is that?
But yeah, you said two receivers were gone and Collins did nothing.
So weird, weird game.
Do we have...
But nobody believes in us team, in your opinion, yet in 2025.
Because I think the nominees are Las Vegas and Indianapolis.
Unless there's another team I can't think of.
I think those would be the two.
I guess.
Yeah.
Oh, man.
You really want to do this with Indianapolis?
I'm just trying to think of a team that won today that it is actually conceivable they'd make the playoffs, but it seems ridiculous.
Yeah.
I think those would be the two.
I think the Raiders were the only underdog who won outright today, right?
Well, I guess the Bills, technically.
But, yeah, so that would make sense.
I'll throw the Jaguars in there.
I know you don't like them, but I believe in them.
I think they win that division.
We can talk about that game in a second.
Did Week 1... change your mind on anything from how you felt before the season?
Is there one thing where you're like, Oh, I would mulligan the shit out of that.
I was trying to think about that.
Like, what would I take back?
So I'm most happy about my Bucks to win the division, making it to the Super Bowl pick.
I'm most bummed about shorting the Rams.
But like you said, who knows with that game?
Maybe the Rams defense isn't that good and the Texans just didn't bring it for week one.
But those are the two right now.
Mine is I already talked about it with you a week ago about being bullish on the Pats and gradually coming off it over the last two, three weeks as a couple injuries and just some of the feedback coming out of camp and the coaching stuff.
And it just seemed like they were kind of preparing people like, yo, we've had a lot of turnover.
Like this is, we don't have high expectations.
I think that one, and then I kind of wish I had gone harder on Detroit or Casey, just like not picking one of them to miss the playoffs.
Cause I do think it's really possible that one of those two teams is a year from hell candidate.
But I could just see one of those two teams missing it.
I don't think, I don't know if they will.
Yeah.
But especially the lions, like I could see a scenario where they don't make it.
And we talked about it.
We circled it.
I didn't have the balls to do it.
Yeah, well, I mean, don't, you know, I think you had the right idea right away.
Your initial, like, maybe the Patriots have the year from hell.
Are they the second or third worst team in the league?
I'll give you a Dolphins-Giants.
You could be third.
No, we're better than the Browns and the Saints.
The funny thing is that they didn't even play well when they were in that game the whole game.
The defense was pretty good.
They had pressure the whole game.
I don't know.
They gave 362 yards to Geno.
I don't know.
Geno made some good plays. but your offense isn't good enough.
You battle back with Keishon.
What's his name?
I don't know.
It's going to be tough.
Campbell at left tackle was playing hurt and they just were working him like a speedback.
The offensive line was not great.
Uh, they couldn't run the ball.
I thought Vegas played pretty well though.
Um, one other thing.
This isn't a change your mind, but uh, it felt like kick returns and people were predicting that this could be the case, but I thought kick returns were way more noticeable this year with changing field position.
I thought it had an impact on the Tennessee Denver game.
There's a couple of games where all of a sudden people are on the 45 or the 50.
Now all of a sudden it felt like we were in the 30 to 45, right?
Did you notice that?
Yeah, I did.
I think yeah, special teams just in general, like we were talking about even punt returns.
The Bills fumbled a punt return and then more kick returns.
I'm still not sure of the rule, exactly where you're short of the zone of intention or whatever the hell it's called.
But yeah, that was such bad clock management.
How can you kick it through the end zone in Denver?
Like, how does it go to the 10 anyway?
I know.
That screwed them up.
The only other thing, and I picked Green Bay at a... make the Super Bowl.
This was before the Parsons trade.
But I do wonder.
This isn't a thing I would change necessarily, but they did have a look to them today.
Like kind of a juggernaut-y kind of look.
And we've seen some teams flash this in week one and they go away.
But I was looking at their schedule.
Commanders on Thursday.
At the Browns, at the Cowboys.
Bye week.
Home Bengals. at Cardinals, at Steelers on a Sunday night, home Panthers, home Eagles, at Giants, home Vikings, at Lions on Thanksgiving.
It's not that hard of a schedule.
Every game at Pittsburgh will be close, but yeah, they're favored in all those.
Yeah, like if you said, all right, at gunpoint, pick a team that's going to start out 10-0.
Right.
I think I would pick them.
I don't think Probably nobody's going to start 10-0, but I think that's probably the team that has the best.
They didn't really have weaknesses from what we saw today.
They can run the ball.
They can throw the ball.
They can rush the passer.
They can cover.
They can basically do everything, and they're a monster home team.
Yep.
It looks like they hit on the rookies too, gold and solid.
Fandle does have first team or last team to lose.
They don't have it up right now.
I do like that Parsons played like 29 snaps, and he's getting almost all the credit.
So it seems like out of those 29 they had like, he had like four or five genuinely impactful moments on there.
Um, so the AFCs could have been on for, they're not the chiefs are in last place.
Only one NFC team scored 25 points today.
Oh, yeah, that's right.
Yeah.
Okay.
Everyone was 24 and under except for, uh, the Packers.
So, all right, we're going to take uh, We're going to take one more break for the podcast and then keep going here on the YouTubes.
This episode is brought to you by Netflix.
Witness the fight the boxing world has been waiting for, which is actually true.
Canelo Alvarez, Terrence Crawford.
First time fighting.
Super middleweight championship.
Two legends.
It's in Las Vegas.
The winner will walk away.
The greatest of their era.
So you can watch Canelo and Terrence Crawford Saturday, September 13th, 9 p.m.
Eastern, 6 p.m.
Pacific Standard.
And it's only on Netflix.
So quickly zipping through the games, Packers beat the Lions.
That one never felt close.
We need to talk about that.
We do need to talk about 49ers Seahawks.
It had all the makings of a classic Niners dominate somehow blow the game.
Have some stupid special team stuff.
They missed a field goal.
They had a blocked field goal.
It's like, oh, this is the classic, really stupid Niners week one loss.
And McDaniels, I'm sorry, McDonald.
McDonald, yeah.
Fourth down and one.
We now have 15 years of nerds explaining to us why you have to go for this and go for the kill.
Yeah.
End the game.
Don't let the Niners get the ball back.
Just go for the first down.
You win the game if you get it.
And he kicks the field goal.
And the Niners come right back down and score.
And Seattle ends up losing the game.
Especially in week one, I'm going for this.
This is like, you're sending a message to your team.
Like, it's a different season.
We're fucking ramming it down their throat.
Fuck them.
Fuck the Niners.
We're fucking doing this.
And instead, like, well, we kicked the field goal.
Hopefully our defense can hold.
I just hated it.
Did Olsen do that game?
Olsen did that game, right?
I mean, he brought up, I'm pretty sure Greg Olsen did that.
He had a good point.
Yeah, of course, because they had three timeouts left.
There was three and a half minutes left for San Francisco.
So I don't know.
If you kick a field goal, I feel like it's a push at that point, right?
You got to run clock.
You got to make them eat some of their timeouts.
You know, fourth and one, you can make that.
If you don't make fourth and one, You use your timeouts well and you'll get the ball back.
But I think you got to knock them out right there.
For sure.
Hated it.
And then the play.
So they get this long first down on there.
They're trying to pull off a game winning drive.
And JSN, who was awesome, who's their only receiver.
No, but no other receiver had more than 15 yards.
He makes this play, sets them up.
It's getting close to the two-minute warning and they kind of did like a spasm and it's like, but they hand the ball off nothing.
And then, all of a sudden, the second down pass play, where Darnold they're like on the 11, Darnold in the middle of chaos.
I'm just getting the ball out as fast as possible with Sam Darnold in that situation.
Because you know the Niners are bringing – I didn't like the play.
I didn't like how they handled that last –
I mean, they were three for 10 on third down.
They had 230 yards total, and they only had 22 minutes of possession.
So maybe he just didn't believe in the offense for a reason, but I just didn't like the coaching by them.
I thought they should have won the game.
I don't think he's going to win 13 games with them like he did last year.
It was 13 he won with the Vikings, right?
But yeah, that was unfortunate because it was his own guy who knocked his hand and the ball loose.
Right, right.
Yeah, but that's why you can't take things for granted.
Just mash it down their throats.
San Francisco was ready to be had, I thought.
Kittle and Jennings got hurt.
Trent Williams was hurt, came back, seems like he's still hurt.
Moody is 12 for 23 with field goals since Week 10 last year.
Wow.
Steelers-Jets.
Steelers win.
Don't cover which I think Kaus and I predicted.
So Steelers two and a half, they somehow win.
Don't cover the Steelers.
The Cousin Sal special did cover beautiful.
You did it again almost 7-1 Steelers to lose the first half and win the game and they were down by what like one point and a half or something.
Just think about this if you, just before the year, bet 100000 every week on this and it hits five times, I know.
It's like one of the great bets.
And it hits five times every year.
Yeah, it's free for two months right now, right?
If I won those at 7-1.
Yeah, I had a little, not enough on it.
But he was very good.
He was good.
He was moving around, Rogers.
You know, I bet his completions and yards over today.
So I didn't think he'd have the four touchdowns.
But this could be a nice offense for him.
I've spent the whole summer saying I thought he was washed.
I thought he looked really good.
Now, it might be one of those things where it's the older athlete who looks good in September.
And as the year goes along, the weather gets colder.
But he looked like a fit.
He seemed very engaged.
He talked some shit after about the Jets.
Four touchdowns.
I thought he looked good.
And I thought Fields... was about as good as he can play, right?
He made plays.
I thought some of his passes were pretty accurate.
He ran the ball a little bit.
He didn't seem like a liability.
And the Jets ran all over Pittsburgh's defense and somehow lost.
You'd think the Jets getting 32 points, that game should be over, right?
I thought their defense could be better than that.
And listen, they made a 60-yard field goal.
Otherwise, it's all, oh, Rodgers can't win a big game.
You know, that would be the narrative.
So that could go either way.
But yeah, I mean, that was the best.
Both of those quarterbacks, you could expect to see them play.
And what about that press?
I don't understand that Jackal comment in the press conference.
Like, it feels good to beat everyone in the Jets organization.
Like, you're counting your boy, Nate Hackett or, or shoving Salah or going to Egypt.
Like they, they did everything you wanted them to do.
What do you want?
Well, they gave him everything.
So I'm not sure who in the organization he's talking about.
I mean, Sal, we're not players.
We can't possibly understand.
That's true.
Yeah.
We're just non-players.
You're going to apologize for that.
We're not smart enough to understand how he's thinking.
Cause we've never played.
Yeah.
Um, Bucks Falcons, we talked about that.
Did want to mention Igbuka was as advertised.
I think, did you get him in our fantasy league?
That's my guy.
That's my offensive rookie of the year.
I tried to get him in everything.
I bet on him.
I only got him in one or two leagues.
He makes the big play at the end, but he was heard from all game and just looked great.
He's so good in the fourth quarter, Baker.
He really is.
If you look at his numbers, it's mysterious how he saves it all up.
He passes the final test where, when you're going against him, you're nervous and like that.
It's like oh shit, I have the lead right, but I feel like Baker's gonna ram it right in my keister.
And it's exactly what he did.
The Rams Texans 14-9.
I had the under in this game.
It was the only under I bet.
11 Houston penalties, two turnovers, and nothing from Nico Collins.
Two for nine on first down in the rough offensive line.
So all around not awesome.
Bengals, Browns.
So we all had the Bengals as like, this is the offense you want in fantasy.
They had 11 first downs and 141 total yards.
And the Browns should have won the game.
I know nobody watched this game except for the true diehards or if you saw a couple plays on Red Zone, but this was done.
The Browns kicker, Andre Schmitt.
Is that how you pronounce it?
That's it.
Hold on.
S-Z-M-Y-T.
Andre Schmitt.
I think is how it's pronounced.
Andre Schmitt.
Schmitt.
Schmitt.
Schmitt.
Doesn't matter.
Missed a PAT and then a 36-yarder with 225 left.
That was just a stomach punch.
I hated it.
I had the Browns all over the place.
I mean, they covered fine, but I was like, ah, this Zach Taylor thing, this is a real thing.
He's one in 10 and it's for weeks one through three, the last three, four years, whatever it is.
And, but I feel like the Browns, this is what we should be used to it.
And I feel like they took them aside and they said like listen kid, you come to this organization, you're going to suck.
It's as simple as that.
There's going to be guys like Miles Garrett and Joe Flacco are going to play their asses off.
But but for the most part, we're incorrigible losers.
So the talks about the Haslam's and the Sean, but we want to spread the wealth a little.
It's your turn.
So go miss an extra point and a 12 yard fucking field goal.
We'll take care of the rest.
Yeah.
I love the Browns did not want to put them in ringer one Oh seven.
Cause I just wasn't putting a terrible team in first week ringer one Oh seven retrospect.
I should have Broncos Titans.
We talked about the only thing we didn't talk about.
The Titans might be okay.
I'm not ruling them out as like a 9-8 team.
I know the offense did nothing today.
They had seven first downs, 133 yards.
But I like their defense.
And I thought the quarterback... made a couple really nice throws.
He was under duress, to say the least.
And Denver's defense, especially at home, might just be awesome, especially in the altitude.
So I'm not – I would just be careful going against them in parlays and teasers for the next couple weeks.
Don't you think?
The Titans' defense was good.
There was a pass – how are we saying that this year?
Pass rush?
It was a pass rush.
We're saying pass rush.
Yeah.
As shaky as Nix was, sometimes he was just kind of under attack and it was weird.
Yeah.
I like Cam Ward.
I don't know what's going on with these receivers.
They, they appear to have never played with him before.
Cause he, you know, he has a weird delivery, right?
So it comes out kind of sidearm and it like takes everybody by surprise.
There's a little mustard on it.
So it's hot.
But Ridley like dropped a bunch of Pat like, and then you know, You don't know if he's gambling.
You don't know.
But he points to himself.
He's like, that was on me.
So then you can't talk about the other stuff.
But it really doesn't seem like anybody's ever seen a pass from Cam Ward before.
And even his father, that was a great moment.
His father got up.
Did you see when Ridley dropped the ball?
His father got up and had to walk around.
Oh, Jesus.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So he could be good.
He could be good.
I thought word looked all right.
They had a power and had a really bad fumble at one point, but it that game was it was 2012, but that was either team could have won that game.
And upon the Broncos, I thought there was also a very very very very, very weird Sean Payton coaching moment.
Right.
Fourth and eight and 36.
They go for it.
They run like a fucking, it was like a Tecmo ball player.
You just chuck it down and hope somebody catches it.
Right.
And all of a sudden the Titans had the ball with like, I don't know, a minute and a half left.
It was just very, very.
That's a field goal attempt.
Everyone attempts 53.
Or just punt it out of bounds and put them inside the 10.
Like that, don't do what they did.
Right.
Um, Washington beat the Giants.
And the only thing we didn't talk about with this is it was an awful game.
And I thought Washington looked bad.
Russ was empty calories and it feels like Dart, Dayball wouldn't commit to him for next week.
I think they might just go with Dart sooner than later.
What does Dayball care?
He's going to get fired.
He's not going to throw Wilson out there for a month.
I like that.
He says, I want to make this clear.
This loss is not on Russell Wilson.
Okay.
Will you commit to him being the starter next week?
Oh, no, no, not a chance.
No way.
What am I, an idiot?
Come on.
What's the matter with you?
Do you see him under pressure?
He can't move.
I want to make this clear.
It's pretty clear.
I'm looking at the box score.
But no, they had no pass rusher.
Their defense sucked, too, the Giants.
Is it bad again?
Raiders, Pats...
I don't feel great about the past.
I don't want to talk about it.
Card Saints.
New Orleans almost tied this.
This was 20 to six.
And then all of a sudden it was 2013.
Then all of a sudden spent the Rattlers driving.
Then all of a sudden somebody almost gets the the, the TO, diving up in the air with the two guys hitting them on the goal line touchdown.
But they dropped it.
And, uh, This was not a good game for your cards are going to win the NFC West.
Not that the Seahawks were much better.
They're going to beat the Panthers next week.
They're going to be 2-0.
They were so unimpressive.
We're going to be making plans to see them in the Super Bowl.
Really unimpressive.
The Saints are, you know.
One of the things we learned today is I'm not sure there's a terrible team.
At least not yet.
So if I told you someone's going to win three games or fewer...
Before the season, I would have said definitely.
Yeah.
I don't know.
Miami was the worst team today, and I don't think they're going to go 3-14.
But all these teams, like the Saints can block.
Right.
They had a couple playmaker plays.
I don't know.
They're not awful.
The quarterback's awful.
But we have to see.
I mean, the Patriots might get their act together.
Maybe I've been too harsh.
I didn't appreciate that.
I'm laughing like my team's good.
I don't understand.
Why does Henderson get five carries?
Like, John, they got 19.
Like, put them in big boy pads.
Last thing on the games today.
Hunter on Jacksonville.
39 snaps.
What do you think the breakdown was for offense, defense?
Oh, I didn't even see this one.
45 snaps total.
Wait, 45 total?
45 total.
39 on one end, six on the other.
Oh, defense.
Played 39 on offense, six on defense.
He did?
Yeah.
How did I miss that?
Yeah, I missed it too.
I saw it on the internet.
Wow.
So this big trade, they give up all this stuff and this is, like this guy's going to be, a two-way revelation and they're only playing him on one side.
Granted, it's week one.
I just thought it was notable.
Yeah, that's why people were saying for Offensive Rookie of the Year.
I was like hey, he might just not get.
The coordinator decides you're not in, then it's out of your hands.
If you're playing him at receiver, guess what?
He's not going to be better than Egbuka.
Right.
That's true, too.
The thing that would have made him special was trying to play both sides anyway.
Right.
All right.
You ready?
A little guess the lines action?
I guess so.
I'm glad we didn't talk about my team.
It's good.
We can talk about your team when we do the matchup.
Too many days.
Too many days gone.
All right.
Let's do it.
We talked about it on Friday's ringer game.
You're right.
You're right.
I'm fine.
We too.
You beat me in guess the lines last week.
Yeah.
Thursday night.
Packers, Washington.
This is a very good game.
It's in Green Bay.
I thought Washington, it was a crappy game, but it was kind of a violent game.
And I don't know what that's going to mean for four days later.
They ran all over them.
They did run all over the Giants.
Let me make this clear.
That loss is not on Russell Wilson.
Did I make that clear?
Yeah, you did.
Okay.
I have the Packers favored by three points against Washington.
You got it.
It's three and a half.
I said four and a half.
Where do you think that ends on Thursday night?
I think four.
I don't know.
The betting public should just continue to like Marine Bay, right?
This feels like a pretty juicy live bet opportunity where the Packers are up 10 to 14 all game and then Jaden Daniels looming late when he starts running around and doing the things he does.
This is a must-watch game.
I'm very excited for it.
Yeah, it's a good one.
Sunday's marquee game is the Chiefs against the Eagles.
It's in Kansas City.
And, you know, last year we had the Tic Tac Zone.
Right. this year you talked about how there was this run of minus two and a half.
And you're like, we need a name for that.
And I didn't think of the name until like three hours after the podcast.
And I was so mad that I didn't think of it in the moment.
I feel like 10 years ago, I would have had it right away.
It's gotta be something with Charlie Sheen, right?
Yeah.
The Sheen zone.
Yeah.
What was his character on two and a half men?
I don't know.
Is that a trick question?
You're going to make fun of me if I know it?
Yeah.
It would have been funny if you were like, his name was Bob.
The other guy's name was John.
Ah, sissy.
Oh, his name was Charlie.
Oh, it was Charlie.
Yeah, yeah.
Charlie and Alan.
And then, oh, Angus T. Jones.
Angus T. Jones as Jake Harper was the half man.
Okay.
So maybe it's the Angus T. Jones zone, or do we go the Charlie zone?
Well, Charlie zone, the Sheen zone is good.
I mean, he's about to be big again, right?
He has a documentary coming out.
The Cryer zone, someone recommended.
John Cryer.
I'll do whichever.
Oh, other people had the two and a half men thing?
Yeah, yeah.
Somebody else.
I guess it's not hard to come up with.
What do you want to do?
Charlie zone or Sheen zone?
It would be fun to give Angus T. Jones some love, but I do like the sheen zone.
Tic-tac zone and the sheen zone.
Um, I, I, uh, turned down Charlie Sheen coming on the pod.
You did?
Yeah.
Well, it could happen.
Oh, he should go to your house.
Yeah.
He should definitely go to your house.
Doesn't seem like a great guy.
Uh, one slip up.
Come on.
Last, last, last like 11 years.
Yeah.
Uh, Sunday Marquee Chiefs Eagles.
I'm putting this in the Tic Tac Zone.
That's the only reason I brought it up.
I have Chiefs minus one and a half.
Oh, the Tic Tac.
Okay.
We all get it.
I went Tic Tac over Sheen.
We went Tic Tac.
We all get it.
It is one and a half.
Yep.
We both get it.
Yep.
Oh, wait.
Who do you have favored?
Chiefs.
Oh, no.
You don't get it.
Philly's favored.
Philly's favored in Kansas City?
Yeah.
Yeah.
What?
Yes, sir.
Let me check.
Let me double check.
Philly's favorite in Kansas City.
Yeah, people have had enough of Kansas City shit.
Wow.
So this is really it.
The Chiefs have lost home favorite pencilman.
Mahomes has lost his place on top of the hierarchy because it feels like Allen and Lamar have both kind of supplanted it.
And he can point to the three rings, but they were two plus years ago now.
Has this happened before?
Someone's going to correct us in a minute.
You know, aside from like a week 18 game where they're home and not playing guys, have they been to another dog in years?
I'm really surprised by this.
Yeah.
I thought for sure.
Now is Worthy out?
Is Worthy playing?
What's the deal?
I don't know.
He has like a, dislocated show.
I feel like he could do the you know the uh Mel Gibson thing, lethal weapons, or just slams it into the.
No, not that thing.
Yeah.
When he does leave in moon shadows.
Yeah.
Watchables.
I only have two lions, bears in Detroit.
Yeah.
Now we have no idea what this bears team, like what's going to happen tomorrow night.
But, uh, I have the Lions by two and a half in the bench answer or bench game.
What do you got?
I got it.
I said five.
It's four and a half.
That's too high.
Well, this is a short week.
Come on.
It shouldn't be 0-2, should they?
A short week going to Detroit.
That's too high.
Doming it up.
That's going down.
I like it.
Bills, Jets.
Good Lord, I have no idea what to do with this one.
In the old days, this would have been market down.
It's in Buffalo.
Minus eight.
Is it Jets or Buffalo?
Screw that up.
I mean, Jersey, technically.
It's all right.
It's in New York.
That doesn't really change my pick that much.
I'm going Bills by five.
I went seven and a half.
It's six and a half.
So I'll get that one.
It's kind of a must win, right?
Teaser game.
Must win for who?
The team that's going to be good eventually.
The Bills.
Well, they're 1-0.
Why is it a must win?
Oh, I'm sorry.
Jesus Christ.
I'm thinking in my head that they lost.
Oh, man.
Are you sure?
I just looked.
They actually did.
It still was a win.
What?
That's ridiculous.
They won that game.
All right.
This could be a big Justin Fields game.
That'd be funny.
Yeah.
Fairly watchable.
I got six.
We'll start with Bengals home for the Jaguars.
I'm still... I know the Jaguars won convincingly today, but...
I don't know.
It wasn't like they were unbelievable.
They did a couple good things.
Carolina was really bad.
And I don't know if we know what we have with the Jaguars yet.
I have the Bengals favored by three.
All right, you got that.
I said four and a half.
It's three and a half.
Hmm.
I mean, it looks like Fandles skittish.
Well, they should be about the Bengals laying a big number.
They should have lost today.
It was the same game as last year when they played the Pats, except this time they actually won it, but it was just as bad.
They had seven yards in the second half.
Yeah, seven yards.
They were awful.
Gross.
Cowboys home for the Giants.
Speaking of gross, yeah.
As a non-player, did you blame CD Lam for the loss?
Let me make something clear.
C.D.
Lamb is not to be blamed for this loss.
Okay.
On the other hand, if he caught every ball that touched his hands, he would have had 265 yards.
But I want to make it clear.
So you're saying that as a non-player?
Yes, as a non-player.
Gotcha.
You think we could sign one-day contracts so that we could, you know... Say, well, I played.
I had a cup of coffee with the Rams.
There's our value.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I wonder if the team would say, would the Patriots sign you to a one-day contract?
And you could just say you're a player.
It's like an honorary doctorate.
Probably not after my thoughts on the dynasty.
I had the Cowboys over the Giants.
I have a minus three and a half, and I think I hit it exactly.
It's four and a half.
I said seven.
And this is super depressing.
I mean the fact that this is not a Thursday night game, it's not a Thanksgiving game, it's just a 1 pm kickoff and the Giants were as miserable as they are and were, and it's only four and a half.
Good God.
Can you walk me through your feelings as you watch the Carl Pickens mixtape of...
Carl, George Pickens.
Who is Carl Pickens?
Is that my first, my first, my first screw up?
It's a Tennessee receiver back.
I did the Carl Pickens from 30 years ago.
Yeah.
Can you walk me through the George Pickens not finishing blocks or finishing routes mixtape that went around Friday?
I, uh, I'm not going to walk you through that.
What do I know?
Not your monkey.
I hated it.
I did.
You know I wasn't.
I shouldn't have been mad, but I, you know they, they really didn't screw up much other than the fumble.
And that's what gets me mad.
Like Sanders had a 50 yard run, but he also fumbled.
They didn't do stupid things.
You know, coaching wasn't terrible.
I don't know.
I think as long as every team's best defensive player spits on Dak like one or two players plays in, I think we got a shot.
Giants didn't have their left tackle today.
I guess they're saving him for the Thursday game because they probably thought they had a better chance to win the Thursday game.
Yeah.
And with the left tackle, I don't know, kind of like the Giants.
Rams, Titans in Tennessee.
Let's see.
Rams outdoor.
I feel like we bet on this game and lost on the Rams 12 times since 1998.
I have the Rams favored by two and a half.
I put it right in the sheen zone.
It's actually, you should have put it in the Vegas zone.
I said four.
It's four and a half.
That's too high.
It's too high.
I think it's high too.
Tennessee's a whiff frisky.
I'd be careful of them.
They play so many games just in history, right?
Where they're in it for 58 minutes and then why?
Oh, they lost by 11?
How'd that happen?
This is the Castaway Bowl.
What do you mean?
Who is it?
Oh, right.
Right, right, right.
Yeah.
Chuck Nolan goes to Helen Hunt's house.
Yeah.
And they're making small talk and he's like, let me get one thing straight.
Yeah.
Tennessee?
Tennessee? has a football team.
And she's like, we were so close.
We were one yard away.
Did you be honest with me right now?
You wept when they were making out in the driveway in the torrential downpour.
No, I'm on record.
I just think about the husband that whole time.
Yeah, right.
He just silently sobbing upstairs in Fort Greene.
That's the love of his life.
Kept all your clippings.
Let's go through these for four hours.
Yeah, there's an intervention with the clippings in the dining room.
Yeah.
It's like, all right, the guy survived.
Put the fucking things in the attic.
What are we doing?
Steelers Seahawks.
Wow.
In Pittsburgh.
This could be yet another Cousin Sal special and yet another Steelers win, but don't cover the minus three.
I have Steelers minus three.
I hit it exactly.
It's two and a half.
Oh, you sheened me.
Let me see what's going on here.
Five to three.
You got to catch up a little.
Jesus Christ.
I don't know how you got good at Guest Alliance.
I know.
Rampant cheating.
Ravens home for the Browns.
And this number has to start with a nine.
And I don't know whether it's going to be a nine or a nine and a half, but it's early in the season, so I'm just going to say nine.
I said nine and a half.
Swear to God, it's 11 and a half.
Oh.
This is everybody's eliminator.
Well, they won or lost today, the Ravens.
Will you fact check that for me?
They lost.
What?
Their own one.
They're winning 40-25 with five minutes left.
It's 40-25 and they lost somehow.
Come on.
You're going to lose that game.
11 and a half.
That's too high.
Do you think that's too high or am I nuts?
Division game?
Flacco against his old team.
I don't know.
We'll be putting the Ravens in a... three-team tees with two other teams.
No doubt about it.
They're going to.
Let me tell you this they're going to have more than seven yards in the second half of the Ravens.
Yeah.
Broncos, Colts, it's in Indianapolis.
Has all the makings of the Colts are 2-0.
Nobody saw this coming.
It's got to be one of those teams, too, those teams.
I'll tell you this.
It's going to be a little bit of a different situation for them, with the defense they're going against in this game versus the defense they went against today.
I think the Broncos will be favored.
I have Broncos by one and a half.
That's what I had.
We should have gone Sheen's own two and a half.
Sheened it?
Fine.
Sheen it up.
Running out of space.
We got the Poopfecto with three games.
Dolphins Pats.
Had to put in the Poopfecta.
Really?
Both of them stunk today.
Yeah.
Wow.
The Drake May thing bummed me out.
It's a tough one because we had Jason Tatum, Drake May, and Roman Anthony were the trifecta for us.
And Tatum got hurt.
Roman Anthony was Ted Williams for two months.
I'm watching, I watch more Red Sox this year than I have since the 2018 season.
And then he hurts his oblique.
And it's like time perfectly that he's probably not even going to be able to be back unless they make like the second round of the playoffs.
Yeah.
So that sucked.
And then Drake May, who we had all these hopes for.
Wait, is he done?
Drake May?
Drake May is done?
His stats were okay today, but I did not think he was that good today.
Yeah, he wasn't that good.
I thought he was sailing balls.
He seemed skittish in the drives in the first drive, the first half, first drive, the second half.
It just wasn't a great Drake May game.
He wasn't running the ball.
He just didn't seem like young Josh Allen.
I didn't like it.
Wow.
I need more from my guy.
I don't think he was ever young Josh Allen.
This is what happens.
That's what we wanted him to be.
We wanted him to be young Josh Allen.
All right.
Well, Josh Allen was losing 40-25 with five minutes left.
So I think you could do that.
He's going to be married to an Academy Award nominee.
Speaking of nominees, our guy, our cuz.
Game Show Emmy.
Second one, Ben Stein's money, and then this one.
Right.
First one he tried to give to Susan Lucci years ago because she had that long run of not winning.
So yeah, good job by you, Jimmy.
Did he cry during the speech or no?
No, I don't think so.
Has Regis Phil been alive still or no?
Regis and Alex Trebek took him out to dinner afterwards.
I have the Dolphins favored by three over the Patriots.
You're losing this week.
I said one.
It's one and a half.
Really?
Come on.
Anybody see my team today?
13 points against the fucking Raiders.
They have two guys on defense.
The Dolphins were way worse than anybody.
Tyreek still crashing out.
Five hours after the game?
I mean, if the Dolphins can't win this game, they're going to go 2-15.
Do we cross off?
First of all, do we have any cross-offs?
And is this a cross-off?
No, we don't yet.
Because you can't cross off the Saints.
You can't cross off the Browns.
Okay.
Because 9-8 might actually make the 7th seed in the AFC.
I don't think we have any cross-offs.
All right.
Cardinals, Panthers, it's in Arizona.
Yeah.
And this is another one where the Cardinals are going to get a nice big, fat favorite line that they probably don't deserve.
But I have Cardinals by seven.
Yeah, I didn't think it was that high.
I'm glad they're being regarded like that.
It's six and a half.
I said four.
Oh, so I get that one.
You get it.
The Panthers look bad.
They gave up over 200 yards rushing, so they learned nothing from last year when I think teams ran for, what, 3,000 yards on them?
Yeah.
And then Bryce Young was terrible.
The only thing is McMillan looked okay as like a big, like you could see the potential with it.
Right.
Other than that, not a lot going on there.
Yeah, Travis at the end was all of a sudden Walter Payton.
I don't know what they did there.
Sunday night, Vikings-Falcons.
It's in Minnesota.
Did you forget one?
Did we do San Francisco, New Orleans?
No, I did forget one.
You're correct.
Poop fact, the last one, Niner Saints in New Orleans.
I put it in the Vegas zone.
I don't feel great about it.
Five and a half.
Niner's five and a half.
I said six and a half.
It's seven.
Some of these garbage teams, you got to give a big number here.
Oh, I see too many teasers.
I got to stop looking at this.
I see too many teasers I like.
Sunday night, Minnesota, home for the Falcons.
I put this, I sheen this one, Vikings minus two and a half.
Yeah, I did too.
They made it four and a half.
Can we see this kid take a snap first before we make anything four and a half?
No, the Atlanta's not great, but come on.
Monday night, two games.
Two Monday nighters this week.
I thought they were going to be done with this.
Is it next year that they're done with this?
I like it.
You do?
I'll tell you another thing.
I could have used a Europe game today at six in the morning waking up.
Could have started the year.
Oh, in the morning.
Oh, interesting.
Yeah, I could have started the year with Jacksonville, Carolina and like fucking Zimbabwe.
Wow.
Well, we have nine Sunday morning games this week.
Yeah.
So they could mix it up.
Yeah.
They could send the Patriots Miami to Zimbabwe.
That'd be nice.
Monday night, Houston home for the Bucs.
I tic-tacked it.
Houston minus one and a half.
You should have sheened it.
It's two and a half.
We have our own dumb language.
But you get it.
You get it because I had one.
Okay.
Let's see if you could do anything.
A seven to...
No, it's over.
Oh, it's over.
10-7 me.
Jesus.
What were Baker's MVP odds?
I'm going to look this up right now.
They were similar to... 33-1.
We liked Love and they were similar, right?
33-1 is too high for him.
Because that's a team... Yeah.
In the NFC South, they could just go 6-0.
He could end up like 13-4 somehow.
Yeah, you got to do that.
And be in the mix.
33-1 is too high.
But you have Jordan Love, don't you?
At 30 or 20?
What do you have?
25-20.
He's 12 now.
You're already cutting in half.
Josh Allen's going to win the MVP.
He's the best player in the league.
And if he's not the best player in the league, Lamar Jackson is the best player in the league.
Those two guys are the best two guys in the league.
Whether you'd want Mahomes in a playoff game with the life depending on it, fine.
But day-to-day, week-to-week for four months, those are the two best guys.
It's really hard to argue if Joe Burrow is not going to show up and put up fewer than 10 yards.
Did he play today?
Not the second half, no.
Last one, Chargers-Raiders.
It's in Vegas.
And I predicted the overreaction Chargers favored by one and a half in Vegas line.
No, I got this exact.
It's three.
Chargers by three.
You're obviously cheating this year.
Yeah, I'm cheating.
You weren't this good for 20 years.
Now your light's out.
Well, I'm John Elway.
Who's done that?
I don't know.
Somebody good.
Let's go to this game.
Let's do guess the lines from Vegas.
Let's see the Chargers and Raiders.
That sounds terrible.
Oh, that's Monday night.
Anyway, yeah.
Today's Parent Corner is presented by Uber Eats.
Let's be real.
It wouldn't be game day without a spread of your favorite foods.
Pizza, burgers, burritos, you name it.
Uber Eats is here to deliver it to you all season long.
What do you have for Parent Corner this week?
I have a good one, but I feel like I'm in the bend zone.
I know there's the sheen zone and the tic-tac zone, but I'm in where my high school kid.
I can't risk him here and he'll just fucking flip out on me.
Damn it.
I have three of those a week.
I know, I know.
I'll tell you separately.
But I do have one that I held on to from spring break.
I should have done this as the intro.
Presented by Uber Eats, where we give our fifth best story about our kids.
Because we can't say the first four.
I probably have four Uber-related parent corners that are not flattering for the sponsor, so I wouldn't stick away from that.
But I'll tell you this one.
This happened a few months ago.
So we were coming back from Cabo.
It was February.
It was a couple weeks after the Super Bowl.
And I'm sitting in the airport in Mexico with the family and the family's to the right of me and I'm in a seat.
And I'm looking down on my phone and I hear someone being ushered over in my area by like private security.
And she sounds important and she smells good and she sits right next to me.
And so I can't look up now.
Right.
And also I'm jaded anyway, so I don't want to, I'd rather keep looking at my late night talk show.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And also I'm looking at my phone, tallying my losses for whatever shitty golf matchups I had.
It was Sunday afternoon.
So I had to do that.
So finally, after 10 minutes of I get up to use the bathroom or El Bano, as it's called in Mexico.
And I leave my charger in the seat right in the waiting area, right where I was.
And then, because I'm coming right back, whatever I'm just going to, I don't want to give up the seat.
And I come back and the whole family is looking at me and laughing because moments before, the important woman approached my wife and handed her my charger and, referring to me, said I think your father forgot his charger.
Right.
She thought I was Melissa's father.
And this woman, Jessica Alba.
She thought I was 75 years old.
The kids are dying laughing.
The kids called me grandpa for like a couple of months and I didn't acknowledge it.
So it went away.
That's what you should do, by the way, if you just don't acknowledge anything.
Right.
And maybe it'll go away.
So thanks for nothing, Jessica Alba.
You're not my dark angel, but there you go.
Your father left his charger here.
Oh my God.
Alba.
That's unbelievable.
That's a killer.
That's a freaking killer.
I got to get plastic surgery or something.
I have to do something.
I mean, they're laughing at me.
I'm like, why are you laughing?
She, she thinks that you married your, your father, basically.
That's not a, it's not a compliment to you.
I've noticed that when I'm with my daughter, cause my daughter's pretty and she could pass for she you could think she's 20, but you also might think she's 25.
Yeah.
And I could see people when they see us together now for like power walking or dinner out here.
Sure.
Yeah.
Like 60% of the people think I'm the dad and then 40% think I'm some creep.
That's not a good ratio.
21 year old trophy girlfriend.
You can just see like certain people just kind of like, what the fuck, dude?
Right.
That girl's 21.
How are you dating her?
It's like, no, no, we're related.
Yeah.
She's actually the subject of my parent corner this week.
So, So she's around the same size as my daughter height-wise.
She's like, my wife, she's like two inches taller than my wife.
So they can wear a lot of the same clothes.
And my son's maybe an inch and a half shorter than I am, but can wear all my t-shirts.
And they've been stealing clothes from us for, I don't know, ever since they hit a certain height.
And it's gotten to the point, it's beyond the thief.
It's like 50 to 60% of the fights in our house is somebody stole a favorite t-shirt.
My daughter stole this sweater from my wife.
My wife is helping her move in in Boston and found like nine things of hers that she's been looking for for like a year.
And it's all we fight about.
And my daughter does this really interesting, like Jedi mind track with this, where she steals the thing.
And then if she has it long enough, it became hers.
Right.
It's like squatting.
Yeah.
It's like she's been here a year, so it's now her property.
So when I was there and we were moving her in for soccer in mid-August, She was out.
She's like, oh, it's going to be cold tonight.
I'm going to wear my Jimmy Kimmel sweatshirt.
I'm like, what Jimmy Kimmel sweatshirt?
Somehow she had the sweatshirt that Jimmy gave all of us that first year for Christmas.
It had the logo on the back.
It was blue.
It looks like it's from a million years ago.
And I always loved it.
And I just thought it was gone.
I left it somewhere.
And it turns out she's had it for three years.
And I got mad about the sweatshirt.
And she's like, but it's my sweatshirt.
And I was like, it's definitely not your sweatshirt.
It was first year of the show.
That's my sweatshirt.
You took it.
And she's like, I know, but I'm your daughter.
So now it's mine.
Like, why can't I have it?
And I just think like, when does this end for us?
When our kids, because we, you know, we're the parents, we're supposed to give them stuff and we're supposed to put them above ourselves, which is what you do when you're a parent.
Right.
But does it extend the clothes?
Because I have no white t-shirts left.
Like I have to just go out because Ben's taken every white t-shirt I've ever had and just takes it.
So if I want to have like, oh, I'll wear this blue shirt.
I'm going to work lunch.
I'll put a white t-shirt under and I have zero white t-shirts left, even though I used to have 17.
What are our rights here as parents?
Because I don't really know.
I think, all right, by the way, that sweatshirt, now that he's an Emmy winner, is worth something.
But I feel bad for you because the argument is stupid.
Because she probably is like, you didn't miss it.
You never asked for it in the last three years.
And you're like, yeah, because I didn't know it was gone.
You know, whatever.
Right.
But I thought it was in there.
I think this is why guys our age dress like idiots.
Because we have to buy clothes that we know our kids won't steal.
So we have the cargo shorts with 40 pockets on each side.
And then we end up looking like buffoons going out to pick them up.
And it is their fault.
I don't know what we can do.
I really don't, aside from that.
I have this one light blue t-shirt that I love.
And Ben just keeps taking it from me.
And we fight about it like once a month.
And he's like, it looks good when I wear it though.
And just...
I don't know.
They just don't care.
They just see us as ATM machines and things that they can just steal stuff from with no repercussions, because there's going to be a moment much later in life when they're the last people that we can count on to take care of us.
Right.
Well, I'm already a grandfather, apparently, according to the album.
I forgot about that.
Your grandpa, Sal.
Your uncle, Sal, did a bundo because you and I have two uncles on Wednesday Rigger Gambling.
Yeah.
He loves it.
It's ridiculous.
All right.
I think that's it, unless you have anything else.
I think that's it.
That's all I have.
Uber Eats.
Do you win or lose money on you?
Oh, I got to do today's Parent Corner presented by Uber Eats.
Get almost anything for game day, like your favorite game day foods, drinks and snacks, on Uber Eats, the official on-demand delivery partner of the NFL order.
Now, I actually used it today.
I got some sandwiches from Giada.
They have Giada near you?
No, no, no.
They do have Ralphs, and I got a bunch of Coke Zeros and watermelon.
Great.
How about we talk about the draft?
Did you want to talk about that?
Yeah, let's do that before we go.
So we have our vote-out draft on Tuesday and our friend Brad, who we've talked about a million times on this pod, who every year that he's alive is a miracle for all of us.
It's year by year.
And he's like LeBron.
It's year by year.
He could retire in a year.
He might come back and be an all-program.
We don't know.
He's been voted out three times before Tuesday's draft.
And our friend Tony voted him out.
And I thought Brad was going to toss an entire thing of ribs on me, which you somehow got a picture of.
The one moment when I was like, oh my God, those ribs are going to go on my lap.
He didn't do that, but he's very mad.
And where do we stand now with Brad and Tony?
So Tony has a consolation gift because he knows Brad loves ribs.
He kicked him out.
He did a funny bit about it.
He had AI kick Brad out, which is actually a voice of a friend of ours.
But a lot of inside jokes, so I won't get into it.
But then he's like... use a voice of a friend of ours that brad recognized the voice so now he's mad at two people very mad at her he's gonna hate hates her she's on the enemy list but then uh but tony leaves the room and brings out a gigantic plate of like it was like a framed poster size pan of uh ribs and then brad is now angry at tony and he opens the tinfoil other any other time he'd be delighted and like pours nerds on him i think that's the best result you could have asked for being in the uh being right there.
Worst result were the ribs ending up on my head or my lap.
Best result was him pouring an entire bag of nerds.
And then he ended up taking some of the ribs, but then Mike August, our auctioneer who ate anything.
And it just became a matter of time when Mike was going to have the ribs and scrape the nerds off the ribs or then just eat the ribs with the nerds on them, which he didn't.
He did.
And I'm not going to lie to you.
I did as well.
I had one.
It's not that bad.
It's not that bad.
It's good.
I mean, you put like honey on ribs and like, you know, like sweet sauces.
Nerd ribs are the thing of the 20, 2030s.
Well, I felt bad for Brad.
Yeah.
The draft's always more fun when he's when I somehow sitting next to him.
So maybe I was the one that made out the best.
So then Brad leaves.
You call him.
You get him an Uber.
Oh, yeah.
He gets in the Uber.
All of a sudden, you get an email during our draft.
We're drafting.
Brad emails you that he left his phone in the Uber.
So now you have to stop the draft.
You have to call the Uber.
Brad's already murdered your Uber stars.
Oh, yeah.
I went down three-tenths of a rating easily.
You do the lost item thing for the Brad.
So the phone, it's an extra 20 bucks.
You'd put that in.
And then what happens after that?
Yeah, this skid cost me 50 bucks because it's 30 to Uber him home.
I had to get him out of there.
He's tossing and turning, like you said, screaming in the Uber because he got kicked out.
So that becomes the driver's problem.
So my rating goes down.
He gets home.
He sends this email.
It says urgent.
I left it in the car.
So now I'm talking to this Uber driver.
He's like, all right, it's an extra $20.
I'm like, go ahead.
Ding me for it.
We got to get this draft going.
50 bucks.
And then like another 10 minutes later, I hear from Brad, abort, abort.
It's fine.
I had the phone all along.
So this whole, this whole skit cost me 50 bucks kicking Brad out.
Thanks for the laughs, Tony.
Yeah.
There you go, Tony.
And now Brad, it's been five days and he's still like genuinely mad.
Yeah, he's reported to other people.
I think he's spared me of it because he's already cost me 50 bucks and some hardship.
But yeah, he's plotting his revenge.
So that's going to be fun.
What does Brad's revenge look like?
And does this become like a Hulu true crime documentary?
Like there's nobody's going to die, right?
I don't think so.
Is it for nerds down Tony and Joelle's throat in the middle of the night when they don't know it?
I don't know.
No, nobody's going to die.
Brought to you by Uber Eats.
Uber.
Yeah, we worked Uber back into the thing.
Well, I miss Brad at the draft.
It was good to see him.
All right.
So plugs for you.
You're on the Ringer Gambling Show which we're doing live on YouTube Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday.
I thought we had a spectacular first week.
Lots of fun, man.
Yeah.
I was power walking around on Wednesday, listening to you and house and the bundle.
Just how you like that one, especially.
Yeah.
I was walking around.
I was like, this is great.
This could go on for four hours.
You've done good.
I'm with Tate on Tuesdays.
He had the Bundo and House on Wednesday and the Bundo and Heifetz on Friday.
The Bundo's going to hate me by probably the playoffs.
But all the shows are a lot of fun, informative and live, like you said, noon Eastern Monday through Friday.
You fill the slot there, right there.
And then your Friday Ringer 107.
Yeah.
And then the Sunday Ringer pregame, which I watched the entire one today, which was...
Yeah.
Excellent.
What was your pick?
Your pick one, didn't it?
Uh, Denver money line plus three and a half.
Oh, that did win.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That was good.
Scraped it out.
Um, all right.
Try to, uh, try to protect your clothes from your kids.
I'll do the same and I'll see you in a week.
Good job by you.
Good job by you, buddy.
Thanks to everybody for staying on the live podcast.
Thanks to Gahal and Eduardo as well.
Don't forget Prestige TV podcast.
Task.
Great show, Sal.
You got to watch Task.
We broke it down the first episode.
We beat Joanna and Mahoney and then a new rewatchable is coming tomorrow.
We did Legend of Billie Jean with Helen Slater and Christian Slater.
Oh, you probably don't have a ton of thoughts about that one.
Do you?
Maybe?
No, I don't have anything.
Fair is fair.
Sort of.
I really don't.
I might go watch Helen Hunt.
I might watch that scene over and over again.
I do like that scene in the kitchen.
You should watch the last five minutes of the Ravens-Bills game because I didn't catch the result.
The Bills won.
Yeah, I think you blacked out.
I don't believe you.
You're a good friend, but I don't believe you with this kind of stuff.
It's 40-25.
Thanks, everybody.
Sit down.
Bye, Sal.
See you, bud.
I'll see them when we start dancing.
Must be 21 plus and present in select states for Kansas in affiliation with Kansas Star Casino, or 18 plus and present in DC, Kentucky or Wyoming.
Gambling problem?
Call 1-800-GAMBLER or visit rg-help.com.
Call 1-888-789-7777 or visit ccpgorg slash chat in Connecticut or visit mdgamblinghelporg in Maryland.
Hope is here.
Visit gamblinghelplinemaorg or call 800-327-5050 for 24-7 support in Massachusetts, or call 1-877-8-HOPE-NY or text HOPE-NY in New York.
