Hey.
Hello.
Jim?
What's up, buddy?
This is not funny.
Why is my stuff in here?
Wow, that's weird.
Ooh, dollar for a stapler.
That's pretty good.
Yeah, well, I'm not paying for my own stuff.
Okay, I know you did this because you're friends with the vending machine guy.
Who, Steve?
Yeah, Steve.
What do I want?
What do I want?
Ooh, pencil cup.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
That's my pencil cup.
Um, I don't think so.
I just bought it.
Uh, I think so.
And you're going to hand it over to me.
I love these.
Okay, fine.
My wallet.
Oh, there it is.
J1.
Here, you know what?
I don't have any.
You have some nickels.
Well, well, well.
Look what the cat dragged in from Stamford.
Hey, Dwight.
Fact.
I am older.
I am wiser.
Do not mess with me.
Okay, sounds good.
What are you doing?
I don't know what you're talking about.
I have a smudge on my forehead.
Oh, good.
Why are you licking my forehead?
I'm not.
Meet my eye line, Jim.
I am.
Stop acting like an idiot.
Okay.
Hey, buddy.
You know what?
I am going to zone you out for the rest of today.
Okay?
I need to stay focused.
And I don't have to see you tomorrow or Sunday.
And please don't call me, and we'll see how things go on Monday.
Wait, wait, wait, one thing.
Um, by tomorrow, you mean Saturday, right?
Uh, duh.
Duh.
Seriously?
You're gonna send me back?
Uh, yeah.
That's the safest part of a car.
In the event of a crash, driver always protects his side first.
What is this?
How did those get out?
I'm sorry.
Professor Copperfield's miracle legumes?
I was in Jamaica, and I got lost.
And it was getting dark this one night and then, out of nowhere, this guy comes with a cart and he's selling these.
Dwight, he told me things about myself that there's no way he could have known.
That's a common swindler's trick.
Probably.
Probably.
So I buy some.
I turn the corner.
I feel like an idiot.
So I go back to get my money.
He was gone.
So you want to sell me magic beans?
Correction, I do not want to sell you Professor Copperfield's miracle legumes.
Nice try.
No, correction, terrible try.
Michael and Jan definitely made out.
Oh.
Maybe more.
Ugh.
Oh.
Also, it is Thursday, but Dwight thinks it's Friday, so we'll keep that going.
Yay.
Ugh.
Damn.
Lost another file.
Gonna have to reboot again.
In school we learned about this scientist who trained dogs to salivate at the sound of a bell by feeding them whenever a bell rang.
So for the past couple weeks, I've been conducting a similar experiment.
Dwight, you want an Altoid?
OK.
Altoid?
Sure.
Ventoy?
Ventoy?
Yes.
What are you doing?
Hey, Dan, this is Jim.
It is about 1115 and I wanted to know what you were up to tomorrow, which is the 15th and that is a Saturday.
Saturday.
So just let me know what you're doing tomorrow, Saturday, for lunch.
Okay.
Talk to you soon.
What's this?
Looks like a red wire.
I wasn't here before.
Well, it's a computer, Dwight.
I mean, computers have wires.
Yours doesn't.
Doesn't it?
No.
It's going in a different direction than the other wires.
Dwight, I'm really busy.
I can't talk about this anymore.
Just get out of here.
Shut up, Phyllis.
I got 500 feet of red wire at a flea market up by Dunmore High School.
20 bucks for the whole spool.
Crazy.
What a deal.
Oh.
It'll be fine.
I made it up there.
Jim, put those away.
I'm really sorry.
Pam was to put those out.
All right, just out of curiosity, what were the claims for those beans?
They're legumes, Dwight.
You're just gonna make fun of me, so why would I... You know what?
This ends now.
Hey, Jim.
Hey, how's it going?
Oh, my God, did you see The Apprentice last night?
Of course.
It's on every Thursday night, so how could I miss it?
Can you believe who Trump fired?
No, that was unbelievable.
Who?
Who was it?
Who did he fire?
You didn't see it?
No.
I went out and got drunk with my laser tag team last night.
Crap.
I never go out on a Thursday night.
What the hell was I thinking?
That's impossible.
It is, right?
I mean, it's impossible.
All right, I'll take them.
They're probably worthless.
Probably.
Leave the telescope.
I started with a thumbtack and traded my way to a telescope.
But in a way, the most valuable thing here wasn't the telescope at all.
No.
It was this packet of beans.
So I traded the telescope for it.
And I can just go buy another telescope.
Hello, this is Dwight Schrute.
Hello?
Hello, this is Dwight.
Hello?
Hello?
Yes, we do have that.
Hold on one second.
Jim, what are you doing?
And how many would you like?
Hang that up right now.
Absolutely.
I can get that out to you immediately.
This man is an imposter.
Do not do business with him.
This is not Dwight Schrute.
Dwight left his cell phone on his desk.
So, naturally, I paired it to my headset.
Okay, fine.
I'll just let it go to voicemail.
Hello, this is Dwight.
Hey, is this Dwight?
Yes, it is.
Oh, my goodness.
You sound sexy.
Oh, thank you.
I've been working out.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, Pam!
Pam!
You are not talking to Dwight right now.
You are talking to Jim.
Dwight?
No!
Pam, I'm over here.
I'm confused.
Disconnect that right now.
You give me your earpiece.
Can't do that.
Unsanitary.
Ah!
Okay, you know what?
Fine.
I will reprogram my phone to go to my office phone.
Done.
It was Dwight.
Oh, and I forwarded his desk phone to mine.
Oh, hello, Mutter.
Good news.
I've married.
Tell Vater.
Such a nice woman.
Hey, it's 1220.
Where the hell's Dwight?
Um, no idea.
Never miss a day in my ass.
I'm in here!
It's okay!
Uh...