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Hey everyone, welcome back to Podcast & Chill.
I'm Leo. And I'm Gwen.
Today's episode is, well, kind of personal and a bit heavy but important.
Yeah, we're talking about something that affects more people than you'd guess.
Childhood trauma. I used to think trauma meant car crashes or disasters.
Turns out it's often quieter.
I know! Trauma can be as simple and as painful as being ignored, constantly criticized, or growing up in an unpredictable home.
Sometimes it's not what happened.
It's what didn't. You know, like not feeling safe or not being comforted.
Hmm. If I'm being honest, I never called it trauma until recently.
I just thought I was too sensitive or bad at relationships.
Now, that's what trauma looks like sometimes.
You're not alone. A study from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention says that two out of three adults had at least one bad experience in childhood...
things like emotional neglect, shouting, stress, or addiction at home.
Two thirds? That's huge.
That means someone listening right now, maybe you've been through something too.
Let me ask you something.
Have you ever reacted way too strongly to something small?
Your or somebody raises their voice and you shut down completely, that's not weakness, that's your nervous system screaming, I remember this.
Your body remembers even when your mind doesn't.
Today, we're not here to give you therapy, but to explore how childhood trauma shapes adulthood and share five simple, powerful ways to build emotional resilience.
Healing starts with awareness, not pressure.
Take a deep breath, get comfy, And let's walk through this together.
What exactly is childhood trauma?
It's… how do I say this?
The word trauma sounds so big and dramatic.
Kind of. But childhood trauma is basically any negative experience that happens when you're young and your brain is still developing.
That's what makes it so powerful.
It can shape how your nervous system responds to the world.
So it's not just the big stuff, right?
Not just abuse or neglect?
Yeah, trauma can be obvious.
Violence, physical abuse, or abandonment.
It also can be more subtle.
Think of being constantly criticized.
Having your emotions dismissed or living with unrealistic expectations.
If you grew up hearing, stop crying, you're too sensitive.
That counts? Yep, that's called emotional invalidation.
Over time, it teaches kids to disconnect from their feelings.
According to Dr. Bruce Perry, a child psychiatrist and trauma researcher, the more fearful or stressed a child is, the more the brain will be wired for survival, not for connection.
That explains why some of us get jumpy over a harmless text message.
Or ghost people for no reason.
Yep, trauma shows up in weird ways.
That makes so much sense.
If your body remembers stuff that your brain doesn't really explain...
Totally it's stored in the nervous system.
What's tricky is, the brain doesn't care if the danger was real, or just perceived.
If you felt unsafe, that memory sticks.
Even your parents weren't evil.
I mean, the evil of villains or anything, you could still carry trauma?
100%. It's not about blame.
How your system interpreted those moments is more important.
Little things repeated over time can have a big impact.
Alright, so now I'm picturing my brain as this tiny panicked dude just running around pulling fire alarms all day.
That's actually a perfect metaphor.
Think of your brain like a fire alarm system.
A early on, that system becomes...
overly sensitive. So, yeah, things that aren't dangerous still feel threatening.
Huh, when someone gives you a weird look and suddenly you feel super nervous.
A person gives a small comment and boom, you shut down or get angry.
Or your manager gives you mild feedback and suddenly you're spiraling thinking you're about to get fired.
Okay, that's... wildly specific.
Ha ha. But you're right, those moments you describe—that's not overreacting.
That's your old alarm.
It goes off all the time.
Trauma tends to affect four big areas.
First are relationships.
You might struggle to trust people, fear rejection, or accidentally push others away.
Pre -rejected someone once just to avoid being dumped.
Ten out of ten, do not recommend.
Mm, weirdly specific review.
I wonder who did it?
Don't know who you're talking about.
Um, second R? Second are emotions, Leo.
You might overreact to small things, feel constant anxiety, or go numb when emotions get overwhelming.
I definitely got emotional when Wi -Fi was either too strong or completely offline.
Then we have physical health.
Chronic fatigue, stomach issues.
I'm sorry, chronic what?
It's like being extremely tired all the time, no matter how much rest you get.
Ooh, all right keep going.
Yeah, so chronic fatigue, stomach issues, tension headaches.
Your body keeps the score.
Is there any actual research on this?
Of course, remember the CDC I mentioned earlier?
They did a big study with Kaiser Permanente.
They found that people with more adverse childhood experiences — ACEs for short — have a disease and even cancer.
Hold on. What's ACE in simple terms?
Too much science in one sentence here.
Oh. It just means a bad childhood experience.
Childhood trauma messes with your health long -term.
ACE is just a way to measure it.
You are saying trauma literally gets under your skin?
Sadly, yes. Dr. Nadine Burke Harris, who's done a lot of work in this area, said that childhood trauma isn't just a mental health issue.
It's a public health crisis.
It literally rewires how your body functions.
Holy crap. We are not weak or broken.
Our systems were simply built under stress because of how trauma affects us.
You nailed it. Your system was doing its best with what it had.
Wow. Just wow. And last behaviors.
This one's sneaky. Trauma often drives things like perfectionism, overworking, or constantly people -pleasing.
All in an effort to feel safe or worthy.
Checking your phone every two seconds after texting because silence feels scary.
Uncomfortable because someone made a small comment.
Might seem unrelated but it's all connected.
Wait, you just described me in every job I've ever had.
You and half the planet.
Here's the kicker. It's not just ambition or being nice.
It's survival mode in disguise.
You mean like if I do everything perfectly, no one will leave me?
Uh huh. It's a form of self -protection that worked when you were younger.
As an adult, it can burn you out and keep you disconnected from who you really are.
Dang. All this time, I thought I was just being productive.
Turns out, I was just terrified.
It's not your fault.
your brain learned these patterns to survive.
You can still learn better new ones.
Now I need some hope.
Please tell me this isn't just, you're doomed if your childhood sucked.
Definitely not. That's where resilience comes in.
Oh yeah, buzzword of the year.
What does it actually mean?
You are joking, right?
No. Oh my God, fine.
It's your ability to go through something hard and come out stronger.
You are not just surviving.
You are also learning, healing and growing.
Emotional muscles? Pretty much. Some people compare to Bamboo.
It bends in the wind but doesn't break.
That's resilience, flexibility and strength.
I always thought resilient people were just born tough.
They came out of the womb with emotional six -packs.
That's a terrifying mental image.
But no, resilience is not a personality trait.
It's a skill, and like any skill, it can be built, trained, strengthened.
Even if I'm like… a floppy noodle emotionally right now?
Especially then! Then how do I start?
Give me the bamboo starter pack.
Glad you asked. There are five simple ways to start building resilience.
Before you roll your eyes, no. They don't involve hiking barefoot in the forest, or journaling for 3 hours a day.
Hit me with it. Tip 1.
Start by recognizing when you're reacting from trauma.
I've said it before and I'll say it again.
Trauma isn't always obvious.
You're not yelling or crying, but suddenly, you shut down over something small.
I didn't get a reply to my text, so I deleted the whole conversation and convinced myself that no one likes me, eh?
That's a trauma response.
The healing begins when you label it.
This is my fear -speaking, not facts.
Giving it a label takes away its power?
Yep, neuroscientist Dr. Dan Siegel calls it, Name it to tame it.
You name the emotion, your brain shifts from survival mode to a more rational state.
Call it dramatic. I call it neuroscience.
Sure. Let's call it that.
Alright, we tamed the brain.
What next? Tip 2. Come back to your body.
Trauma lives in your body, not just your thoughts.
That's why physical grounding works better than people realize.
I've heard of that.
Breathing exercises, right?
Uh -huh, one of the easiest is the 5 -4 -3 -2 -1 grounding technique.
Want to try? Walk me through it.
Name five things you can see right now, don't think, just notice.
Uh, your face, my laptop, my pen, a plant that's maybe dying, and my mic.
Good. Now four things you can touch, point them out.
Desk, cup, chair, and my watch. Three things you can hear.
You talking the AC and background music?
Two things you can smell.
Coffee and regret. That works!
Now, one thing you can taste?
The coffee, it's lukewarm and judgmental.
Perfect. This whole exercise pulls you back into the present.
It calms your nervous system.
You're telling your body, hey we're safe now.
Noted. Ground first, panic later.
Tip three, create a safe environment.
For those moments when the world feels like it's not safe?
Am I right? Yeah, make small spaces to feel safe.
Setting the boundaries.
Say, I need space without apology.
Mute the chaos. Choose the quiet chair in the room.
You deserve to feel safe, even if it's just in small ways at first. Harder than it sounds.
I hear you. Here's the secret, though.
Emotional safety begins the moment you whisper, No, that doesn't work for me.
And mean it. I used to think boundaries made me a bad person.
Well, fun facts. Boundaries don't make you bad.
Boundaries don't build walls.
They teach people where the door is.
You're not hiding. You're choosing how to exist without self -destructing.
Having a no -calls -after -9PM rule is self -respect, not selfishness.
Oh yes, also creating a physical safe space helps too.
A quiet corner, a cozy nook, a playlist that makes you feel okay.
Build your personal reset zone.
I'm calling it my do not disturb sanctuary.
Now tip four, rewrite your inner story.
This one sounds deep already.
It is. You see, we all tell ourselves stories.
I'm not good enough.
I always mess things up.
But those aren't facts.
They're scripts written in survival mode.
Oh, my inner narrator's kinda mean.
Time to fire them and write a better one.
Try shifting the story from I failed to I'm learning.
From I'm broken to I've been through a lot and yet I'm still here.
Plot twist, I'm actually the main character?
You've always been, you just forgot.
That's beautiful. I need a cape or something.
Start with a pen. One good exercise is to write a short story of your life, where you're the hero, not the victim.
Focus on what you've overcome.
Basically I've been doing character development this whole time.
Yep. Every tough moment is part of the arc.
Um, confession time.
I hate asking for help.
I'd rather chew grass than say I need help.
Which brings us to tip five.
Build your support system.
I mean, most people hate asking for help, especially if they were taught not to burden anyone.
Childhood classic. Deal with it yourself.
But connection heals.
According to Dr. Stephen Porges and his research on the polyvagal theory, feeling safe with others actually calms your nervous system.
It's called coregulation.
Ah, venting to a friend is basically budget therapy.
Obviously, look for people who feel safe, who don't dismiss you, who can sit with discomfort.
If you can't find that yet, professional help is a game -changer.
Now, the million dollar question, how do we actually use these five tips in real life?
Small steps. This isn't about fixing everything overnight.
Try the ten minutes a day.
What do I do in those ten minutes?
Q1. Pick one tip, one grounding exercise.
One story shift, one boundary, one text to a safe friend.
Just one thing a day.
Q2. Tiny wins, not dramatic overhauls.
Q1. That's right, progress, not perfection.
You don't have to do it all, just start somewhere.
Q3. You know what, Gwen?
I thought this topic would be super heavy, but now I kinda feel...
lighter. It's good, isn't it?
When we understand our patterns, we stop blaming ourselves.
When we stop blaming ourselves, we finally start healing.
Well said, ma 'am. Well said.
Should we start a self -help book together?
Chapter 1 It's Not Your Fault, But It Is Your Responsibility And what I mean is, it's not your fault if someone hurt you or didn't love you the needed.
Especially when you were a kid!
But what happens next?
That part's on you.
It means choosing to respond with care, with awareness, and with love for yourself.
Because healing doesn't happen by accident, it takes intention.
You didn't create the wound, but you choose whether to let it keep bleeding.
You decide, do I let this wound bleed into everything, Or do I rewrite the script.
Taking responsibility just means saying I matter enough to work on this.
It's an act of self -respect, of courage, and no one else can do it for you.
It sucks, honestly, but it's real.
Ooh, can I put that on a T -shirt?
Please do, and wear it every time you feel the urge to overwork.
Over -please or over -perfect.
Hmmm...that was a lot to take in.
All this talk about trauma, healing, and childhood makes me realize we've been using some big words.
Exactly! So let's break them down together.
Here are some key words that can help us better understand everything we just talked about.
First up, resilience.
That's like being a rubber band right?
You stretch but don't break.
Kind of. It means your ability to bounce back after hard times.
Example. If someone fails an exam but studies again and passes next time, that's resilience.
Next word, boundaries.
Not like a fence around your house, I guess?
Nope. It's more like a personal rule.
What you're OK with and what you're not.
Example. If you don't like talking late at night, telling people no calls after 9 p .m. is setting a boundary.
Here's one that sounds scary.
It's just how your mind and body react to old pain or fear.
EXAMPLE. If someone yells and you freeze because it reminds you of something bad from the past, that's a trauma response.
OK, this one confused me the first time.
GROUNDING. It's a way to help you feel calm and present, especially during stress.
EXAMPLE. You can do grounding by touching something cold or naming 5 things you see around you.
Last but not least, co -regulation.
That one sounds like teamwork for emotions.
That's a perfect way to put it.
It means calming down by being around someone who feels safe and steady.
Example. When a child cries and a parent hugs them until they feel okay, that's co -regulation.
Man, I wish someone explained this stuff to me in school.
That's what we're here for.
Simple words, real talk.
Now I'm ready to wrap it up.
Vocab and all. You know what, Gwen?
I feel like we just unpacked a whole emotional suitcase.
Same here. And maybe our listeners are wondering how this connects to their own lives.
So before we go, we've got a little question for you.
Okay, Leo. Here's a question.
Why do small things sometimes feel like a big emotional explosion?
Because it's not about the thing that just happened.
It's about old trauma being triggered.
Your nervous system goes… danger, even if there isn't one.
Alright, Gwen, your turn.
What's one simple way to start healing trauma?
Start by naming your emotions.
Name it to tame it, like Dr. Siegel says.
When you say, I feel rejected, your brain starts calming down.
Alright, your turn.
Have you ever noticed a strong emotional reaction to something small and only later realized it came from an old memory or feeling?
If you feel comfortable, share it in the comments.
Your story might help someone else feel less alone.
Alright, that's it for today.
If this episode made you think, smile, or feel a little less alone, share it with someone.
If you've been struggling with hidden trauma, just remember, you're not broken, you're protecting yourself the only way you knew how.
You've got new tools, real ones.
Not just think positive quotes on Instagram.
Healing takes time, but you deserve that time, you deserve peace.
And you don't have to wait until you're healed to start living, Start now.
Even messy. Even unsure.
Try one small thing today.
Name your emotions.
Take a breath. Say no to something that drains you.
Text someone you trust. And practice one of the five resilience tools we talked about.
It's like a daily hug for your nervous system.
If you do try it, let us know in the comments.
We'd honestly love to hear what resonates with you.
Still feeling unsure?
That's okay too. You can always come back and listen again.
Sometimes the second time around, things click in a whole new way.
That's it for now from podcast and chill.
Thanks for joining us today.
Until then, drink some water, rest, and be kind to that messy, growing human you are.
Take care friends. See you next time!
This podcast is brought to you by Aura.
Imagine waking up to find your bank account drained, bills for loans you never took out, a warrant for your arrest, all because someone stole your identity.
Hackers aren't waiting.
Why are you? That's why we're thrilled to partner with Aura.
Your personal data is a gold mine for hackers and Aura helps lock it down.
Aura monitors the dark web, blocks data brokers from selling your information, includes a for private browsing, and a password manager to secure your accounts before criminals break in.
For a limited time, Aura is offering our listeners a 14 -day free trial, plus a dark web scan to check if your personal information has been leaked, all for free at aura .com slash safety.
That's aura .com slash safety to sign up and start protecting yourself and your loved ones.
That's A -U -R -A dot com slash safety.
Terms apply, check the site for details.
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