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Okay, let's get started.
Hi, Anirudh.
Welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Fan.
Hello, Anirudh.
How are you?
Hello.
Hey.
Hi, Conan.
Hi, Sona.
Hi, Matt.
Hi.
Okay.
Where are you right now, Anirudh?
I'm in my bedroom in Bangalore in India.
Very good.
Very nice.
Very nice.
Yeah.
I'm sorry.
Can I just say it's so cool to see you guys.
I have been watching Conan videos since I was like, I don't know, like 15 or something.
And I love Sona.
I love Matt.
I've seen every remote sketch and it's so cool to be here.
Well, Anirudh, thank you very much for being a fan.
And it's really nice to talk to you.
It's also just really nice to know that someone in Bangalore is listening to us.
And that's just, I always get a kick out of that.
It makes me very happy.
Yeah, well, yeah, of course.
I mean, I have, I mean, me and my brother, we do like what we call Conan bits all the time.
Yeah, I'm sorry about that.
Yeah.
I feel like I gave the world shingles.
Yeah, that's absolutely.
I really will tell your brother I said hi, and that makes me really happy.
I've been doing Conan bits since I was born.
So it's it's a problem.
It's a problem for me, too.
I know.
Well, Anirudh, am I saying your name correctly?
I want to make sure I get that right.
Yeah.
OK.
That's right.
We practice for an hour before we talk to you.
Anirudh, tell us about your situation.
Do you live with family?
What's going on?
Oh, yeah.
So I live in something called a joint family, which is where you kind of like live with like a bunch of nuclear families all together.
Yeah.
It's pretty common in India, less so now, but basically I live with about 15 people.
Oh, wow.
And we kind of are, you know, just cordoned off in three different apartments that are right next to each other.
I always like to say it's kind of like the TV show Friends or something.
Yes, yes.
Yeah, that's how it feels like.
You just have like a bunch of people like living really, really close together.
So it's pretty chaotic.
It can get quite disruptive.
I mean, I know you grew up with like six brothers.
Well, I'm one of six.
I have brothers and sisters.
Oh, you're one of six.
Yeah.
But there was a good deal of chaos and madness, but in a fun way.
I thought it was really fun to have.
And my whole life, I've liked it when there's a bunch of people around me.
That feels normal to me because of the way I grew up.
And we were all in one house and smashing into each other all the time.
And it was fun until it wasn't.
Yeah, of course.
But Anirudh, I'm curious.
So you're talking about, there's 15 people.
So you're talking about, Siblings, but also cousins, uncles, aunts, the whole.
Yeah.
Wow.
That's right.
The whole thing, the whole shebang.
Yeah, it's like 15 people and it's it's a nightmare to organize stuff.
But yeah, like you said, it's fun and super fun.
When you say organize stuff, what kind of stuff?
Like a sack race, like a, you know, what are you trying to organize?
Yeah, like a family festival thing.
So, I mean, we live in India, so there's like a ton of festivals.
And we have, like you know, we sort of celebrate everything like Diwali, which is like the festival of light, and Holi, which is the festival of colors.
And also we just eat out once a week, every Sunday.
Okay, that, I'm going to say this.
Going out to eat with my family, you know parents, my grandmother, six kids.
That was insane because you're all around one table.
And especially if it was communal food, like if we go to a Chinese restaurant or an Indian restaurant.
It was insane because
If someone was trying to decide what the whole table should get, and it always devolved into street fights, you know, and people stabbing each other.
And now I'm picturing 15 of you going to a restaurant.
The waiter would probably kill himself as he approached your table.
I mean, how do you do it?
Oh, okay.
So this is a whole process.
I'm responsible for selecting restaurants, booking tables and cajoling waitstaff whenever I have to.
So that's kind of my job.
But basically, it is chaos.
It always is chaos.
Um, it's 15 people sort of just sitting around uh, a giant uh table.
But sometimes we even like reserve or book out like a room in a restaurant, because that's the only way we can see to do it.
And it is a lot of stabbing.
It is a lot of like, Oh, I ordered that thing, but this thing came over and okay.
Oh, but that person ordered this and blah, blah, blah.
And it's just, uh, it's, it's chaos.
Like I have to cut to the chase on something.
Who's the maniac?
There's 15 of I know a name just popped into your head.
You can see their face right now.
Who's the one who's really out of control?
He's thinking Conan.
Besides me.
Who's the one in your pod of 15 people who's really out there?
And this doesn't have to be in a negative way, but just they're kind of the wild card.
Oh, yeah.
They're just, they're the wild card.
Yeah, I have like a couple of cousins who I think definitely fit that bill.
Give me names.
I want names.
Yeah.
Are you going to be talking to them after?
No, I didn't say I was going to do that.
Although that's now a possibility.
Well, I have this one cousin.
We call him Fatu, which is like a sweet nickname that we made up for him.
It's called Fuck You?
What is it?
Fatu.
Oh, Fatu.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
It's a sweet nickname called Fuck You.
Hey, Fuck You.
That's just... I love you.
I'm sorry.
It's a satellite connection.
These things aren't perfect, but... Oh, yeah.
Yeah, clearly you have a lot of love for Fuck You.
Fatu.
I'm sorry.
Fatu.
Go ahead.
Yeah.
Yeah, and he's just turning 18 and he's in that teenage angsty phase and so that leads to a lot of stuff.
I mean he asks me about how to talk to girls and stuff like that, because he's never really done that before.
And also at the dinner table.
He kind of is the guy who always diverts the conversation to whatever he likes.
I'm sure Conan, Sona and Matt would be familiar.
We'll get to the Civil War in a second.
We'll get to the Civil War in a second.
We'll get to the Civil War in a second.
We'll get to the Civil War in a second.
We'll get to the Civil War in a second.
We'll get to the Civil War in a second.
We'll get to the Civil War in a second.
We'll get to the Civil War in a second.
We'll get to the Civil War in a second.
We'll get to the Civil War in a second.
Now, what's your story?
Are you single, married?
What's happening?
Oh, okay.
I have a girlfriend.
We met in college, thanks to you, in part.
Really?
Yeah, well, I was... This was...
I was a little drunk on this particular day in college.
It was like my second year in college.
And we were friends at the time, me and my girlfriend, Irene.
And we decided to write an email to ask you if you would be interested in hiring us as interns.
Oh, like a package deal?
Yeah, totally.
Like the both of us.
You know you could pay us half each of an unpaid internship and we'd be happy with it.
Okay.
So half of nothing.
I get it.
Yeah.
Half of nothing.
So how long ago was this?
Oh, this was about like six years ago.
OK, so you both of you together wrote an email asking if you could be interns on my show.
Well, kind of, because we kind of like went over to the show website and we were like oh, you know, like international students can't really be interns, or something like that.
So I I was a bit inebriated.
So I wrote like an angry email.
Yeah uh, that was uh i, i have it with me, but basically it was just about the i it's titled concerns about the diversity of the show in all caps.
Okay okay fair, fair because yeah, and it started with this line just hey fatu yeah, Pretty much.
It started, I mean, I was just trying to be funny, but it just started with, hey, you.
Yeah, you.
And that's just how it's.
I think it's always a fun joke when you email someone that you think their show reeks of racism.
That's always a fun little jape.
So, all right.
Don't you see?
Yeah.
Yeah, I understand.
You can see the potential.
Yes, we can all do better, I suppose.
Although, look, I mean, it's the United Nations in here.
She pointed at me and Eduardo.
What a diversity.
It's like saying, I love Armenians.
I have an Armenian friend.
Yeah, it's like it's a small world in here.
Oh, my God.
It really is.
And so the dawn is coming your way.
Hey, you.
Yeah, you.
I got an email going out to Smartless to see if I can get on that show.
Good luck to you.
Right there.
That's all the colors of the rainbow.
Those three guys.
It's the most diverse show I've ever seen.
Different kinds of white male.
¶¶
Anirudh.
Anirudh.
Anirudh.
You can just call me Ani.
That's cool.
Okay.
Ani.
I'll call you Ani.
All right.
So you wrote a hostile accusatory email to me thinking that would be fun.
And what was the response?
I received like a you know, like an automated response which just said hey, your email will be read by somebody soon enough and we'll get back to you.
Okay.
But I mean, I think that someone who immediately is hostile and talks about concerns about diversity is just a great intern to have around.
I think so.
Well, first of all, you know, it's all fair.
And I think it sounds like we, you know, you got to.
But I think the bigger issue would have been you were writing this from India.
Is that right?
Yep, that's right.
And so explain something to me.
Your girlfriend, Irene, was she with you in India at the time when you wrote this email?
Oh, yeah.
We wrote this email together.
And basically, that's what I consider our first date, which is writing an email.
That's very nice.
But what if I had written back me?
I don't answer these myself.
My brother does.
But if you had heard that yes, you had an internship, would you have flown all the way from India to take an unpaid internship?
Now that you say it, it doesn't sound smart, but I do think I would have done that.
Well, that's really nice.
You met because and it sounds like Irene's a fan.
Oh, yeah.
I mean, we sort of like bonded over like late night shows.
We talked about you, of course, and we talked about Stephen Colbert.
And that's kind of how we started to like get close and become friends.
That's nice.
Yeah, that's, yeah.
Well, it sounds like you guys have excellent taste in comedy, and that's the important thing.
Yeah, you mean Colbert?
Yeah.
I did, actually.
I did.
I did.
Okay, all right.
Well, the whole part started off with, so your girlfriend's a fan of mine, too?
Well, yeah, because that's how they met.
I know.
I think that's a fair question.
I feel like you were just trying to like reinforce the fact that she was your fan, just to make sure.
She's what?
Like, you were trying to reinforce the... Ah!
Ah, gotcha.
Don't do it.
So angry.
Well, anyway, so she's a big fan and always has been.
Unirude, how often, where does Irene live now?
Oh, well, she's doing a graduate degree in the U.S.
She's interning at Google right now, so she's all fancy.
She's out there stealing jobs and learning about tech.
So that must be difficult.
That's a long-distance relationship.
Yeah, that's right.
We've had ways that we sort of like adjust with that.
For instance, I sort of started up a podcast of my own called The Irene Show where, like every year on her birthday, I do one episode basically.
And it's kind of like just, you know, like soundboards of celebrities and you.
I didn't mean for that to sound mean, but basically soundboards of celebrities.
We get it.
Celebrities and you.
And also you.
Trust me, you're just echoing the voice in my head.
So that's really sweet.
He seems like a very creative, sweet person.
That's a really sweet gift.
And this sounds like a good relationship.
And I don't want to put you on the spot, but is there a potential that this relationship could go to the next level at some point?
Yeah.
Oh my gosh.
Yeah, I mean, her parents need to... That's a scary question.
But her parents... Her parents basically need to be okay with it.
What's their problem?
Why are they not okay with it?
Just Indian stuff.
Come on.
No.
You let me handle them.
Yeah, so.
Oh, okay.
Bring this white guy in.
He'll take care of it.
Hi, I'm on Smartless.
Hi, I'm on Smartless.
I'm the most diverse member of Smartless.
And I'd like to say that you need to give Anirudh a break.
Well, I think, have you met them?
Uh yes, but i mean they didn't know we were dating.
Um basically, i've met them a couple of times as a friend and her dad's like this really, really strict guy.
He's kind of like um, just super quiet, assertive and manly, and i'm not, so we don't really get along very well, but yeah Well, I think most dads, I think, just want their daughter to be with someone who's a really good person, and that's you.
So I don't think, I don't foresee an issue.
I just don't.
And if there is an issue, I'll intervene.
Okay?
Okay.
And that will mean nothing to your dad, to your father-in-law, who sounds like he'd be quite hostile to me.
Anyway, please, you don't like me, but talk to this manly man, Conan O'Brien.
Where is it?
What's going on?
Do you want to hear about Antietam?
Yeah.
Let's talk about the Civil War.
It was a war of attrition.
You must be here for my wife's book club.
It's out back.
Oh, did you say book club?
Yeah, I did.
Do you have any huckleberry tea?
Oh, not another one.
I'm making my sounds again.
Well listen, Unirude or Ooni, as I call you or, of course, in the Yellow Pages, Rude comma Ooni.
I'm just losing my mind.
We're wasting valuable time here.
Is it really valuable?
What are we doing after this?
Don't we just play cards after this?
Yeah, I want to get to those.
Listen, I'm excited for you.
I'm lucky to have such a smart, cool fan.
And please give my best to Irene and tell her that I approve of you.
I think you're fantastic.
That's really sweet.
Tell, was it Fatum?
Fatu.
Fatu.
Is that right?
Yeah, Fatu.
Okay, tell Fatu.
That's right.
Tell Fatu that he needs to settle down, but this is, no, I want him to sow his wild oats now.
I want him to enjoy being the madman of this 15.
He's 18.
Yeah, exactly.
Hey, man, you were nuts all through your 20s.
Yes, I was.
Into your 30s.
Yeah.
Still nuts.
Let him live.
Yes, exactly.
Mom?
What'd you say?
Sorry.
What?
Anyway, lovely talking to you, Unirud, and have a great day, okay?
And I hope our paths cross someday.
Thank you so much.
Because I think we'd have a good time.
Oh, yeah, I absolutely agree.
I think it's just bound to happen in some way.
I don't know why I said that.
I'm not like spiritual or anything, but I think so.
No, it's going to happen.
It's like anything else.
You have to manifest it like Oprah says.
Yeah.
You've got to manifest it and it will happen.
Yeah.
And you know where I live and you've already sent me a threatening email.
So we've probably already had you investigated.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'm on a list somewhere.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You say that proudly.
Oh, I'm on a list.
All right.
Take care.
Nice talking to you.
Bye-bye.
Nice speaking to you guys too.
See you.
Conan O'Brien needs a fan.
With Conan O'Brien, Sonam Ovsessian, and Matt Gourley.
Produced by me, Matt Gourley.
Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross, and Nick Liao.
Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino.
Take it away, Jimmy.
Supervising Producer, Aaron Blair.
Associate Talent Producer, Jennifer Samples.
Associate Producers, Sean Doherty and Lisa Berm.
Engineering by Eduardo Perez.
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