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Thanks for asking Most of us have to go through a painful breakup at some point in our life.
Even if you thought you'd found your soulmate, started planning a grand future together and so on, sometimes things simply don't work out.
Maybe your partner ended it unexpectedly, or maybe you did so yourself.
But one question that often rears its head is whether it's a good idea to remain friends after the breakup.
It might be tempting at the start in particular to avoid completely cutting an important person out of your life, especially if the friendship seems authentic.
A YouGov study from 2022 found that among all Britons with an ex -partner, just 8 % are friends with all of their exes and half are not friends with any of their previous partners.
Meanwhile, around a third said they were friends with one or some, but not all of them.
That's quite a balanced split.
How can you tell if staying friends is really possible, then?
Writing for Forbes in July 2024, psychologist Mark Travers suggested that one key question is whether or not you were friends prior to getting involved in a romantic relationship.
Travers references a study from the University of Illinois which found that couples who started as friends are more likely to return to friendship after a breakup!
It makes sense really when you think about it, given the solid foundation of friendship that was already there.
The authors behind that study suggested that in such cases ex -partners are more likely to invest time in restoring the initial friendship and that it may feel natural, even inevitable, for two people to slip back into a friendship after realising that a romantic partnership is not the right fit.
Another thing to consider is why you want to stay connected with your ex. A 2017 study published in Personal Relationships found four main reasons people stay friends with an ex. Security, practicality, politeness and unresolved romantic feelings.
Unsurprisingly, if you still have romantic feelings, staying friends is likely a bad idea.
You're probably only setting yourself up for more pain.
But if both of you are motivated by a genuine desire to preserve the friendship, there's a better chance it will work out.
Is it okay if I just don't want to remain friends at all?
Absolutely. The personal relationship study also suggested that it's often the person who initiated the breakup who suggests staying friends, usually out of guilt or to soften the blow for the other person.
Breaking up is a personal experience that can be very different depending on the scenario.
So, it's fair to say that while it's possible to stay friends with an ex, it's certainly not a requirement.
Still, if you do truly believe in the potential for that friendship, here are some tips that may help.
You need to resolve any past conflicts and remove any lingering resentment that may still be there.
Otherwise, it could surface again and ruin the friendship.
It may also help if you take some time apart even if just briefly.
That will give you space to turn the page on the romantic relationship and start afresh on healthier terms. There you have it.
Now you know whether staying friends with your ex is really a good idea.
In under three minutes we answer your questions and help you understand the true meaning behind the trends, concepts and acronyms that are making headlines.
Listen along and you will really know for sure.
