When Jordan and Dakota met, they were young and healthy and they had their entire lives in front of them.
These days, Jordan's sick, and Dakota's become her caregiver.
But they're still young.
Jordan's only 27, Dakota's only 26, and it's one of those things we don't talk about a lot.
We don't talk about being the caregiver for your romantic partner when you're still a young adult, when you're still in what should be the early and fun stages of your relationship.
Some days, Jordan can't eat or drink at all.
She has a condition where the food just stalls out in her stomach and it doesn't get fully digested.
Dakota has to be on alert all the time because her flare-ups don't just leave her in bed for a week.
They make her so dehydrated that she regularly has to go to the ER.
Of course, it has changed almost everything about their relationship.
But it's also made them stronger, and it's made them consider each other completely differently.
The two of them still want to spend the rest of their lives together, and they're constantly dreaming about what the future looks like.
But for now, they do often have to take it one day at a time.
I mean, we met when we were 16, because I was dating somebody that he was friends with in high school.
So we'd known each other for over 10 years.
And through that ex-boyfriend, we became really close friends.
And then that became more.
Kind of hit off in college.
Yeah, we hit it off in college, for sure.
We started hanging out a lot more during that time together.
Silly dot close.
Yeah, I really just kind of was there to support each other.
And it really brought us closer together overall.
So, yeah, that's and then eventually, like she said, that blossomed into more.
And here we are now.
I love it.
I love a slow burn.
I really do.
So here you are now.
How long have you officially been together?
We just celebrated six years.
Six years.
Congratulations.
Thank you.
Thank you.
And so since you first got together, how have things changed since the very beginning?
Well, there's been a lot of moving around, I will say.
She started school to get her PhD and had to move to Texas.
We are originally from Pennsylvania, so it was a huge cultural shift for the both of us.
But other than that, the main thing is really that have changed, i guess are just uh, your diagnosis.
Uh, we got a dog recently.
Yeah um yeah, not not anything huge other than those things.
Everything's been staying pretty consistent and um, pretty pretty uh, well put.
Well, talk to me about this diagnosis.
When did that come about?
I, i remember it as july um, And it was just essentially this coming to realization of having gastroparesis, which is a stomach stopping disease, basically.
So it prevents my stomach from processing anything.
I'm actually having a bad day with it today.
So just consistently feeling nauseous and like I want to cling to my shower.
Okay.
But yeah, that sounds absolutely horrifying and terrible to me.
It truly does.
So what has the journey been like for you?
You found out about this.
You've been feeling terrible.
How are you supporting each other through this?
Well, I view myself as Jordan's caregiver in a lot of ways.
A lot of the times whenever she is having flare-ups, as I call them, where she's feeling more sick than normal.
A lot of the times I support her by either going to pick up her medications, getting her things in the house that she would need especially dealing with our new dog nowadays just making sure I'm staying on top of everything with her, as well as Jordan getting her.
If she needs something from the store, just drive to the store real quickly to get that.
Just making sure that she really has all that she needs to be able to feel her best, even whenever she's not feeling her best.
And also checking in on me, like just coming in, seeing if I'm okay, like asking if I need anything.
And then making sure that I'm still...
I'm still, you know, like not ready to go to the ER or ready to take the next step or whatever.
And how often are you finding yourself in the ER?
Oh, at least every three months.
Which is a lot.
It's a lot.
Yeah, it can be really stressful, especially given her being in school.
And luckily, I work from home.
So we've And my employer is super, super thoughtful and caring and they're able to give me the time needed to be the caregiver for her.
So I can't thank them enough for what they do, honestly.
Which is amazing, because I do think that caregiving often gets overlooked in this country as something that so many of us have to do.
And when we talk about caregiving, we often talk about motherhood or we talk about adult children caring for parents later in age.
But we rarely hear about couples like the two of you, young couples, where one of them is the caregiver.
Yeah.
And that's something that we've noticed through my job, because I work with a caregiving organization Caregiver Action Network.
And we've noticed that a lot are starting to see an uptick in these young caregivers caring for whether they be their partner or whether they be caring for a parent, grandparent.
And it's often overlooked.
I am glad to see that there is starting to get more eyes on it.
But I do feel as if that youth caregivers are still an underrepresented piece of the caregiving world.
When when this first came about, how did both of you have to just completely change your lives?
I tried not to change my life in any way, and it just keeps firing on me.
You know, that sucks.
That totally sucks.
I'm really trying to just keep going.
And I think that it's just very frustrating for me as a person who used to do a lot.
I didn't think I used to do a lot, but in comparison, like... Yeah.
Yeah.
And when it comes to me, a lot of the times, things have changed for me.
It's just, my day-to-day is a lot more.
I shouldn't say on edge really, but it's very just always constantly watching out for that next sign that something might be sending her into one of her phases that she goes through.
And yeah, it's anxiety-inducing, but I wouldn't trade it for anything, really.
Well, and how do you take care of yourself?
Because that's such a hard thing for caregivers.
When you're constantly doing for other people, how do you make sure to protect your own well-being?
Music is an escape route.
I am a very, very big music person.
I'm constantly always trying to find stuff to listen to.
I also play games with friends.
I have a group of friends online that I talk to pretty regularly Jordan's friends with them as well.
So we all if she can, we all chit chat together.
It's just I do have this support group around me that allows me to kind of talk about how I'm feeling and everything.
But it can be hard because sometimes, whenever I'm trying to take that time for myself, if need be, I either need to focus on Jordan or I need to focus on our dog Bonnie, or work, and it can get overwhelming.
But it's again something that I wouldn't trade anything for.
Let's take a really quick break then when we come back.
I want to talk a little bit about planning for the future.
Sounds good to me.
Okay, we're back.
How did the two of you plan for the future?
Do you take things one day at a time or are you able to make more long-term plans?
I think that we have like long-term school plan.
But in terms of like, next future steps, they're kind of stalled until I get out of school.
So it's one of those things where we know what we're doing right now and we know what the next steps are.
We just can't take them at this time.
Right, right.
And with the diagnosis, is there a cure or is this a chronic condition?
It's a chronic condition.
And, from what I've understand, there's really not much treatment options, like there's a few medicines that i take and then there's a surgical option, and that's really the only opportunities that you have for treatment um which, which also must be stressful for for planning for a future where you may continually be sick, right?
Yeah, definitely it can make a lot of things difficult um, I know, even just like a little bit into the future.
I know prior to this last holiday, we had planned a trip to Dallas for Christmas.
And unfortunately during the trip Jordan ended up getting sick, making it a lot harder to go out and do stuff and enjoy the time.
We still had a really fun and enjoyable trip.
It's just given that we planned ahead so far and then, once the day came, she wasn't feeling well, it kind of it takes some wind out of your sails, if you will.
Right.
Yeah, of course.
And does that happen a lot?
Have the two of you had to learn how to be more flexible with plans generally?
Yeah, we definitely have.
Especially given that we used to have a weekly things that we did with friends and We would switch over houses every weekend.
But with her feeling this way, it's just some weeks she'll be able to and other weeks it's just she can't because of her diagnosis.
What have the two of you learned about each other going through this?
And how...
Do you think it's made your relationship stronger for having to weather this?
I mean, not that anyone would want this, but how has it changed each of you?
I'll speak on this first, because Jordan is, like she said, not feeling well right now and she's away at the moment.
But I feel as if I have learned some about Jordan.
Just like almost being able to pick up on certain things, with her being able to pinpoint when I think something is wrong with her, as opposed to
I feel like I've made this connection with her deeper in that way.
And I'm glad to say that I did make this deeper connection with her.
Unfortunately it came from this diagnosis uh, but I I'd say that this has definitely been a positive in that regard.
And yeah yeah yeah, I mean, the truth is we never know what life is gonna throw at us right, it's just you know.
I think it's different when it gets thrown at you when you're in your 20s.
Yeah, absolutely.
Or do you think there's anything that you've learned from each other or about each other from this experience?
I mean, so for you, I just learned that truly he's such a caring person.
And I always knew that, and that was part of what drew me to him.
I always say that whenever, like, we were in college and we were getting close...
He always treated me more like a girlfriend than my actual boyfriend ever did.
And it was that like kindness and generosity and caring that drew me towards him.
And it just really highlights that true part of his character.
I love that.
I love that.
So what would you want to say to people on the outside looking in?
You know, what do you want them to know? about caregiving as a younger adult.
I want them to know that health care is important and that we should be caring for our people.
I want to stress the importance of that.
I'm fortunate to have Dakota, but not everybody is fortunate to have a caregiver that can be there for them all the time.
And they need medical services and they need to be able to not drown in medical debt afterwards.
Yeah.
Yeah.
No, I mean, absolutely.
Absolutely.
I watched my dad need a lot of caregiving towards the end of his life.
And the amount of money that it racked up and what it did to my mom was was staggering.
It truly, truly is.
I mean, it is health takes a toll.
And I don't think that a lot of people realize that, especially people that have been traditionally healthy for their lives.
My grandmother is a caregiver for my grandfather who, aside from like debilitating anxiety, is physically fine.
He just... And this is a testament to how mental health can be deteriorating.
But he, just over the last 15 years, completely lost all sense of himself because he needed his wife to be there.
And she being the traditionalist that she is, feels guilty if she's not there for him.
Right.
And I, it just is wild to me.
How does guilt manifest in your relationship?
Do you ever feel guilty about, for the things that he has to do.
I mean, what kinds of complex emotions come up for the two of you?
Yeah, I definitely experience guilt.
And I think that's where my independence tries to come through is I try to do things for myself when I feel like I should be able to, even though I know I can't.
Right, right.
Yeah, and I get that.
I mean, I think that we all have this drive towards independence, right?
We don't want to have to rely on on someone else.
And sometimes it's even harder to let go, right?
And to rely on another person than to let us help them.
Have you had to learn how to accept help?
Yeah, definitely.
But honestly, more from my workplace than from Dakota.
Really?
Tell me a little bit about that.
Yeah, just like today, for example, I got sent home by my advisor who was seeing me getting ill in a meeting and just said go home.
You know?
And so here we are.
And me being able to accept that and say, okay, Amelia, I'm going home.
I'm going to go take care of myself.
Yeah.
But it's never easy.
It is never easy for any of us.
It's really not.
It makes me hate myself.
Right.
Right.
Yeah.
I get that.
I totally get it.
When you're feeling like that, do you turn to Dakota?
How do you two talk about that?
Honestly, because...
I have like a psychology background.
It's pretty easy for us to just have like tiny mini therapy sessions we like to call them where we just express whatever deep, dark thing is, you know, gurgling up inside of us.
The other just sits and listens.
And then we kind of have a hug afterwards and look at each other and tell each other something that we love about each other.
Whatever will be will be yeah, looking to the future, did the two of you have you talked about having kids, or is that something you're putting your tabling until you get through school?
I personally do not want kids, so it's something that we've talked about in terms of not really.
Uh, it's kind of back and forth in the sense of like i, i'm in the boat um, Not wanting kids, but then sometimes also wanting kids.
My brain goes back and forth on it day by day, really.
And as of right now, we're in the camp of not wanting them.
But definitely if in the future we do decide to, I can see how her diagnosis would make it a bit more challenging.
It would.
And also, if it's something the two of you want, you'd figure it out.
Yeah, absolutely.
Absolutely, though.
It would be a challenge, but it would be a challenge he would be willing to take.
Yeah.
I mean, I've talked to a lot of families over the course of this podcast where, you know, something has incapacitated one of the parents during the course of their journey together.
And the amount of strength that you can muster and the things that two people can accomplish together are truly remarkable.
Absolutely.
And I...
I think that a lot of people, as they're caring for their significant other or along those lines, it can be a challenge, like we've said.
But I feel like through the power as corny as this may sound through the power of love, I feel like anything can be accomplished.
And no matter the challenge, it can be over.
You are such a corny, corny boy.
I love that.
I like corny things.
I do.
Is there anything that I'm not asking the two of you?
Is there anything else you guys want to talk about?
Off the top of my head, I can't necessarily think of anything.
Jordan?
No.
No.
Well, this has been beautiful.
I love your love story, guys.
Thank you.
Thank you so much.
And that is all we have for today.
Thank you so much for being here with us.
If you have a love story that you want to hear on Committed, email us at joe at influentialmediabiz.
I am the host, executive producer, and creator of this podcast.
Our other executive producer and editor is none other than Ramsey Yount.
Have a wonderful rest of your day.
Take care of each other.
