So about a week ago, I was doing an interview and I was asked about my imposter syndrome.
And I've discussed my imposter syndrome a lot publicly, Because it's something that I've struggled with since I was a teenager.
And it was interesting because the last time I was asked about my imposter syndrome, I had an epiphany while answering that.
Imposter syndrome is not really a relevant struggle for me in my life anymore.
It's definitely still a challenge. It's something that is not fully resolved, but...
It's not as big of a deal as it used to be for me.
And this was sort of a pleasant surprise because I didn't really do anything in particular to alleviate my imposter syndrome.
I didn't take specific steps to improve it.
It just sort of improved naturally. And so I sat down a few hours ago today and tried to figure out what happened.
Why is it not as big of a deal anymore? And I think I figured out. how I did it.
And so that's sort of what I wanna discuss today. how I sort of fixed my imposter syndrome.
This is an ad by BetterHelp. The internet is a big place, and the info you find isn't always the most accurate.
Every time I look up wellness or mental health tips, I met with so much information.
I don't even know how to sort through it.
And not all the information you're going to find online is from people who really know what they're talking about.
There's so much advice online, it can be overwhelming.
And knowing what works for you isn't easy.
That's why it's important to use trusted sources, or even better, talk to a living, breathing person who can help. like a therapist.
They're trained to help you gain confidence, improve relationships, to share positive coping skills tailored to you specifically.
Getting into therapy is less complicated than you think.
BetterHelp makes it easy to connect with a professional therapist anytime, anywhere.
BetterHelp can provide access to mental health professionals with a diverse variety of expertise.
Talk it out with BetterHelp. Our listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com. slash anything.
That's better H-E-L-P dot com slash anything.
This episode is brought to you by Squarespace.
Have you ever been shopping online and the Gave you the ick.
Let me tell you, that wouldn't happen if they used Squarespace.
Squarespace design intelligence empowers anyone to build beautiful, more personalized websites tailored to your unique needs.
And with Squarespace Payments, It's super easy to manage payments with just a few clicks.
Plus, With Squarespace's integrated and optimized SEO tools, there's all the help you need to get people to your site.
Head to squarespace.com slash Emma for a free trial and use code Emma to save 10% on your first purchase.
This episode is brought to you by eBay. We all have that piece, that one that's so you.
You've basically become known for it. And if you don't yet, you'll find it on eBay. that Miu Miu off the runway red leather bomber, the Cusco Barcelona cowboy top, Or that fleece in the 2017 colorway?
All of these finds are on eBay, along with millions more main character pieces. backed by authenticity guarantee. eBay is the place for pre-loved in vintage fashion. eBay, things people love.
Now, spoiler alert, One of the ways that I think I improved my imposter syndrome was educating myself on what imposter syndrome is and What having imposter syndrome causes your brain to tell itself?
So let's get a little technical here and discuss what imposter syndrome is.
Sigh. I got all of this info from BetterUp.com, PsychologyToday.com, and VeryWellMind.com.
Thank God for the internet. So imposter syndrome is the condition of feeling anxious and not experiencing success internally. despite being high-performing in external objective ways.
This condition often results in people feeling like a fraud or a phony and doubting their abilities.
People who struggle with imposter syndrome believe that they are undeserving of their achievements. and the high esteem in which they are in fact generally held, They feel they aren't as competent or intelligent as others might think, and that soon enough, people will discover the truth about them, that they're a fraud, that they are cheating their way to success.
And apparently, this is a new thing that I didn't know about.
There are five types of imposter syndrome, okay?
This is new info. This was kind of fun. This was actually kind of fun to read about.
The first type is the perfectionist. This type of imposter syndrome involves believing that unless you were absolutely perfect, you could have done better.
You feel like an imposter because your perfectionistic traits make you believe that you're not as good as others might think you are.
The second type is the expert. The expert feels like an imposter because they don't know everything there is to know about a particular subject or topic. or they haven't mastered every step in a process.
Because there is more for them to learn, they don't feel as if they've reached the rank of experts.
Three, the natural genius. In this imposter syndrome type, you may feel like a fraud simply because you don't believe that you are naturally intelligent or competent.
If you don't get something right the first time around or it takes you longer to master a skill, you feel like an imposter.
The fourth type, the soloist, you feel like an imposter if you had to ask for help to reach a certain level or status.
Since you couldn't get there on your own, you question your competence or abilities.
And last but not least, the super person.
This type of imposter syndrome believes that you must be the hardest worker or reach the highest levels of achievement possible.
If you don't, you are a fraud. After reading all these, I realized I've experienced many of these types of imposter syndrome.
Like I'm not just a perfectionist or just a super person.
I'm sort of a mix of a few of them. I think the only one that hasn't shown up for me is the soloist where you feel like an imposter if you had to ask for help.
Because I've definitely asked for help along the way in my life, and that's never bothered me.
I've experienced imposter syndrome everywhere in my life.
Even in areas that are maybe non-traditional, I think imposter syndrome usually... tends to address career, you know, like school, career, things that involve success. financial success in some way.
That's sort of where the conversation tends to to stay, although I've noticed I have imposter syndrome in other areas of my life as well that are not related to career.
But it's definitely... been present in my career and it started in school.
I would say starting in middle school when things started to get a bit more competitive.
There was an option to take honors classes, more challenging classes.
And kids started to become aware of how their intelligence gets them praise in the classroom and at home, I've experienced imposter syndrome.
I was a good student, straight A's for the most part, in a few honors classes, not all honors classes.
I wasn't one of those kids that was in all advanced classes.
I was always in a few, but I was never fully stacked, right?
As a student, I saw myself as somebody who was not naturally a genius.
And in retrospect, it's like, yeah, very few people are geniuses at school.
That's like a very small portion of the population who just nails it at school.
But that sort of made me feel bad about myself.
Even though I got straight A's throughout middle school and high school, I never felt proud of it.
And I think there were a few reasons for that.
Number one, because I definitely am a perfectionist.
And I didn't get an A on every test. I rarely got 100% on a test.
And to me, not getting 100% on every test was sort of a failure.
And there's something in my brain that doesn't like even getting one question wrong.
Like I love the satisfaction of getting 100% on something.
And I don't know, like in my brain, when I see something less than 100%, it's like, That's not satisfying.
That's not complete. I could have done better.
I don't see it as, wow, I got 98% of the questions right.
I see it as I got 2% wrong. You know, that was sort of my mindset in school.
I also experienced imposter syndrome from not feeling like an expert.
It's impossible to know everything. It's impossible to know your school textbook from page one to page, what, 700?
It's impossible. But I would always feel unprepared going into tests like, oh, I don't fully understand everything.
There are still things that are a little bit foggy in my brain.
And in retrospect, again, that's natural.
That's normal. We're not going to know everything. we're only capable of absorbing so much information.
But that also made me feel undeserving of my grades in a way.
And possibly the most significant struggle I had in school was... not feeling like a natural genius.
I had to work so fucking hard to get good grades.
It did not. come naturally to me like it did some other kids.
I had to grind. I slept like three hours a night every night in high school because I was constantly studying, constantly doing homework.
It wasn't possible for me to succeed in school any other way.
I had... to destroy my quality of life in order to succeed at school and that again made me feel like an imposter and like a fraud.
Like I don't deserve to be in these challenging classes.
I don't deserve the good grades that I have because I have to work so hard to succeed that I just shouldn't even be here because it's so hard for me.
And then also sort of going back to being the type of student that's only in a few classes advanced classes, not in all advanced classes.
That also messed with me a little bit psychologically.
I was like, why am I in only a few hard classes?
Why am I not smart enough to be in all advanced classes?
Because I'm not in all advanced classes, that probably means... that I suck and I'm stupid.
Again, it was like I wasn't looking at my range of classes in a glass half full type of way.
I was looking at it like, oh, look at all the advanced classes that I'm not taking instead of, Look at all the advanced classes that I am taking.
That's really cool and impressive. And I honestly think that that is part of the reason why I had a bad relationship with school because...
I was good at it, but I had to torture myself in order to be good at it.
And I was working so hard and I was sacrificing a good quality of life in order to succeed at school.
And yet I didn't even feel satisfied. So it's like all this work was going towards me feeling like shit anyway.
I worked so fucking hard. And I felt no gratification.
I felt no... accomplishment. I think that that's why I got to such a dark place in high school.
Because there was no reward, it felt like.
And that's a very privileged sort of mindset.
It is absolutely a privilege to have an education But when you're a teenager and you're in it, you're not thinking like that.
Again, in retrospect, I'm so grateful for my schooling.
I'm so grateful for my teachers, I'm so grateful that I worked as hard as I did.
But in the moment it was like, I'm doing all this shit.
And I don't feel anything. And that led me to my first real depressive episode in my life.
My first real depressive episode happened at the end of sophomore year.
And I think it was as a result of imposter syndrome.
In retrospect, as I learn more about myself and more about imposter syndrome, I realize that That's what led me to that depressive episode.
I think there were other things going on as well, socially. just being a teenager is challenging in general.
But I think that that was the biggest challenge for me.
I also think too that the imposter syndrome was even worse because I was putting all of my personal worth and value into how I performed at school.
Like, being a good student was what I put my worth and my value into because... socially, I didn't feel valuable.
I didn't feel confident. You know, I was insecure about what I looked like because I was a late bloomer.
And so I looked younger than everyone else.
And that made me feel really insecure. So I didn't put my value and my appearance really because I didn't feel like I could.
And then personality-wise, I was very insecure.
I was sort of... how do I put this? Like, I felt like a weirdo kind of like, I felt weird. because I've always been very outgoing. and very loud and very honest and very silly.
And that's not always been warmly welcomed in my life.
And now as an adult, I mean, I've calmed down a little bit, but I've also just grown to accept that not everyone's going to get me in a way.
And still to this day, sometimes people just, don't like my personality because it's a bit big.
It's a bit bigger, you know, and it's maybe a bit more unorthodox in a way.
Anyway, so I think school was probably the first place that my imposter syndrome showed up.
But then it continued into my work life and into my career life as I've transition from school to that.
This episode is brought to you by Cozy. Getting your home to not just look right, but also feel right is so important.
I think what I love most about my home is how there are so many little details around the house that bring me so much joy.
One place that I hang out a lot is my couch.
I take naps on there, I get a bunch of work done on there When I'm shopping for a piece of furniture or home furnishing I'm looking for something that's comfortable but also fun to look at.
That's why you've got to love Cozy. Their furniture is modern, practical, and designed to make your day-to-day feel a little more...
Well, cozy. They're modular and customizable.
So if you wake up one day with the urge for a new look, Cozy makes it so easy.
Easily switch up the layout, switch up the style, switch up the color.
With cozy sofas, you don't just get a new nap spot, but the freedom to change your mind.
Transform your living space today with cozy.
Visit cozy.com. That's C-O-Z-E-Y dot com.
The home of possibilities made easy. This episode is brought to you by State Farm.
Insurance may all seem the same on the surface, But having insurance isn't the same as having State Farm.
It's like ordering an iced matcha but getting fake gourmet grass water.
You wouldn't settle for a lawn latte, so don't settle for just any insurance.
When it comes to getting the help you need, State Farm is the real deal.
Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there.
I'd say in my career, I've struggled still with the perfectionist sort of mindset.
I'm obsessed with everything I do being perfect.
Every YouTube video I put out needs to be perfect.
Every podcast episode I put out needs to be perfect.
Every Instagram photo I put out needs to be perfect in some way.
Now, when I say perfect, I don't mean Perfect visually.
I don't mean perfect even aesthetically always.
I mean, perfect in my eyes. It's a bit more abstract, I would say, with my career than it is with say, school, because with school, it's like, okay, you're getting graded numerically.
You can numerically... There's a number there.
Whereas with a YouTube video or a podcast or an interview that I did or a campaign that I creative directed or whatever it might be.
Like, Those things are not graded numerically.
Those are up to me to grade in a way. And also up to the public in a way to grade, but...
I tend to rely more on my own grading system.
Like there have been many things... that I've put out into the world that have been well-received, but I have not maybe... thought they were perfect.
And so I was not satisfied with them. But I've definitely struggled with that.
I've also struggled with the expert. you know, not feeling like an expert in everything that I'm doing.
Like for example, I'm not the best videographer.
I'm not the best photographer. video editor.
I'm not the best speaker when it comes to talking on my podcast.
I'm not the best creative director. I'm not like the best coffee roaster.
I'm not the best entrepreneur in a way, whatever.
I'm not the best entrepreneur. I don't know why the word entrepreneur is so crunched to me.
I hate using that word. Maybe because it's been so, I don't know, I think there's a social media impact on the word entrepreneur that is not positive in my brain.
I'm not the best at any of those things.
I'm not an expert at any of those things.
What does it even mean to be an expert? Of course I'm not an expert in these things.
Especially when you do a lot of things, it's harder to be an expert in one thing.
I'm really good at some things. I'm just okay at other things.
I'm terrible at some things. I don't think I'm an expert in anything necessarily.
At least I don't feel that way. And that has been a huge challenge for me.
My confidence in what I do is challenged constantly by the fact that I feel like there's more to learn.
And yes, that is exciting. And yes, I use that as motivation as well as it just simply harming me.
Like I'm able to sort of channel it into motivation in a way, but sometimes it rears its ugly head and I find myself psyched out and I'm almost paralyzed by this feeling that I'm not an expert in anything.
I'm like, well, why? What gives me the right to do anything career-wise?
Because I'm not necessarily an expert in anything, okay?
So that's another challenge I've had career-wise.
And then I'd say last but not least, the super person imposter syndrome. which is basically the belief that I must be the hardest worker or reach the highest level of achievement possible.
And if I don't, I'm a fraud. Now, that is particularly toxic in life because there's no such thing as the hardest worker.
Like what is the hardest worker? Who is that?
I'm striving for a goal that has no end it has no There's no pot of gold at the end of that rainbow.
And that's caused me to sort of never stop going.
Never give myself a break. Push, push, push through.
More, more, more. And the problem with that is I actually think That ultimately makes me less productive because. that's led me to burnout time and time and time and time and time again. overworking myself constantly, constantly until...
I hit rock bottom again and I'm left unable to do anything because I'm in such a critical mental state from burnout that I can't do anything, right?
If I gave myself little breaks when I needed them, I wouldn't need to take super long breaks.
It's like I constantly am pushing myself through burnout.
I don't let myself be burnout as often as I should.
I never feel like I'm doing enough. And that's, I think, self-inflicted, but also as a result of hustle culture in a way.
I think most people feel like they're not doing enough.
But I think the hardest thing to navigate is accepting the fact that there is no such thing as enough.
Like a good workload is sort of undefinable.
Like what even is that? I think a lot of us are striving towards that goal without even knowing what that is and what that looks like and what that feels like.
And so then we just end up overworking ourselves assuming that that is what it means to be working hard enough. is when we're just never stopping.
And that is not good. So that's how it sort of affected me in my work life and in my school life.
I guess, career life as a whole. But it's interesting because I've noticed that I've had imposter syndrome socially as well, like in romantic relationships, I tend to have imposter syndrome about being loved by a man.
Like if you look at the definition of imposter syndrome, it's feeling anxious, and not experiencing success internally despite being high performing in external objective ways.
So I feel imposter syndrome in a relationship when the relationship is going well and The guy I'm dating really loves me and cares for me, or at least... they seem to, and everything seems to be going well, I will get imposter syndrome. in the relationship.
I doubt my abilities as a girlfriend, even if on paper I'm an incredible girlfriend.
Okay. What does it mean to be an incredible girlfriend?
Well, from a bird's eye view, it's, being honest, being fair, being loving and kind. being present, being willing to compromise, being fun to hang out with, even like being pleasant to be around, being attractive to the other person.
There's nothing I can do about that. Like being attractive, being funny, being fun to be around is sort of up to the other person to decide.
Like that's sort of, out of one's control.
But when you have imposter syndrome, you feel like those things are your responsibility as well, even though those things are just ingrained in your personality.
That's why I mentioned those. But I find myself overthinking romantic relationships and... feeling like I'm not worthy of being in a healthy relationship.
So I'll start to doubt myself. Am I not being fair enough?
Am I not being kind enough? Am I not being present enough?
Am I not attractive enough? Am I not funny enough?
I'm looking for the catch. Now, listen, usually there is a catch.
Like I've noticed in relationships, there tends to be a catch when things seem too good to be true. but they rarely are involving the things that my imposter syndrome involves. assume that they will be, if that makes sense.
But this has led me to really become a shell of myself in romantic relationships. because I get so caught up in feeling like an imposter in the relationship.
Like I don't deserve to be in it that I end up becoming too agreeable.
I don't have a spine. I become sort of a yes man in the relationship, just trying to avoid... any sort of ruffling of feathers or confrontation or anything like that because I'm under the impression that I'm on thin ice to begin with, when that's not even true.
There's even been times when I've remolded who I am as a person to try to to better appeal to the person that I'm dating. in attempt to feel in control of what they think of me. oh, if I become what I think they want me to be then I don't have to worry anymore about whether or not they think I'm attractive or funny. or fun to be around or smart or this or that because I'm curating myself for them.
And that might sound manipulative and psychotic, but it's something that happens almost subconsciously.
Like, I don't even realize that I'm doing it.
I think a lot of us do that. But ironically, I found that when I succumb to the pressures that my imposter syndrome puts on me, the relationship ends up failing.
OK, now it probably would fail anyway. And usually it fails for other reasons as well, not just that alone.
But That is a catalyst to the relationship crumbling because you have to be yourself.
And you have to be honest and you have to have a spine in a healthy relationship.
And if you don't, things fall apart. So my imposter syndrome has absolutely negatively... impacted many of my romantic relationships in the past.
But I think it's also come out even in my friendships too.
I don't really need to dig into it because it would just be rehashing what I just said about romantic relationships.
There's a very similar sort of struggle, I would say, in friendships as well at times for me.
I've definitely struggled with it more in romantic relationships, but it's shown up here and there in my friendships.
And last but not least, it's shown up in my sort of lifestyle. in a way.
Like for example, growing up, my dream was to have my own house.
And I really like I just I dreamed forever of having. my own home that I was proud of because I grew up in a wealthier town and the home that I lived in was not super attractive. aesthetically pleasing.
I've talked about this quite a bit. I had a great upbringing that I definitely took for granted.
But at the time, I was jealous of all my friends, you know, modern homes, new cars. et cetera.
I didn't necessarily have that with my family.
In retrospect, I should have been fucking grateful for what I had.
I had a roof over my head. I had food. I had presents under the tree at Christmas.
I can shut the fuck up. However. It was still a dream of mine to have a house that I thought was aesthetically beautiful.
That was one of my biggest dreams. I wanted to be proud when I had people over.
I wanted all of this. And because of my imposter syndrome, I have never felt quite comfortable in my own home.
I've accomplished that goal. purchased a home and remodeled a home that is exactly what I dreamed of.
And I feel like an imposter in my own home a lot of times.
I feel weirdly out of place in my own home at times because I'm like this.
This feels off like this. This doesn't feel right.
I don't feel like I should have this home.
I don't feel like I deserve it. I don't feel like I've earned it.
That's a weird feeling to be in your own home and to feel like, wait, this doesn't feel quite right.
I don't feel like I've earned this. I feel like this is somebody else's house and they're going to come home any day now and scream at me to get out.
Like I feel fraudulent in my own home. This episode is brought to you by Mentos gum I think we can all agree that keeping things fresh is a must Of course, you've got to keep your breath fresh, but don't stop there.
You can also freshen up the mundane moments daily routine.
So pop some Mentos gum and maybe put a little extra effort into your outfit today. or try a new workout class or order something different at your local coffee shop today.
Refresh the everyday with Mentos gum, available in a range of fresh flavors like spearmint, fresh mint, and strawberry.
Mentos gum. Yes to fresh. Hey there, you're here because you know that in life, anything goes.
And whatever comes your way, you want to have options.
Plan B emergency contraception is one of those options.
It's backup birth control you take after unprotected sex to help prevent pregnancy before it starts.
It's legal and available in all 50 US states and there's no age restriction so anyone can buy it.
And in case you're wondering it won't impact your future fertility together, we've got this.
Follow Plan B on Insta at planb1stop. Use as directed.
Listen, I could go on all day explaining different examples of how imposter syndrome shows up in my day to day life.
But I feel like you get the gist. Here's the thing though.
I have noticed that it's gotten a lot better recently.
Don't get me wrong. I still have these feelings.
I still struggle with these feelings. But significantly less.
And that's sort of the whole point of this episode.
How did I improve my imposter syndrome? Well, without even intentionally trying, I've done a few things that have really helped to improve it.
Number one, awareness. I learned what imposter syndrome was I think after high school at some point.
And ever since then, it's sort of been in the back of my head, festering.
And it's taken me a few years, but knowing what it is, And understanding that it's something that I have has helped me figure out when it's happening so that I'm aware of it.
And I've noticed with all of my mental challenges throughout the years that one of the most important things is awareness, just knowing what it is, knowing what it feels like and being aware of it when it's happening.
And I feel like this is helpful because you can't control something unless you know where it is.
If you don't know that it's happening and you don't know what it's called, And you don't know what it is even supposed to feel like.
How are you supposed to nail it down and fix it?
You cannot address something unless you know where it is.
So that's been the first helpful step. I've also tried looking at things through a more analytical, technical lens.
So instead of looking at my career and my successes through an emotional lens, I've attempted to remove the emotional lens and look at things through a technical lens.
Find the facts. What are the facts? Okay.
The fact is I was a good student. I got straight A's and that's an accomplishment.
That's a fact. in my career, instead of looking at all the stuff I haven't done, or all the stuff that maybe I failed at, I look at all the things that I succeeded at.
And those are pretty impressive. That's pretty cool.
If I look at the facts around my career, I can see.
Yeah, I've failed at a few things, but I've succeeded at a lot of things.
Those are facts. And guess what? Everyone fails.
Everyone fails at shit. That's inevitable.
That's also a fact. If you look at anyone's career on the entire planet, everyone's had failures and everyone has had successes.
Looking at that analytically, I'm able to see clearly that I have succeeded in many ways. when I'm in a successful romantic relationship. or friendship, I try to look at who I am in relationships and analyze it again, factually, like what are facts?
Okay, it's a fact that I'm emotionally available for the most part.
It's a fact that I'm kind. I do the best I can to be as kind and nice and thoughtful as possible.
And if I make a mistake, I apologize without fail.
That's a fact. You know what I'm saying?
I don't know. I found that it's so helpful to look at things through a factual lens rather than an emotional lens when you have imposter syndrome.
Because if you look at things through an emotional lens, you won't see the truth.
I mean, this is true in other areas of life as well.
A lot of times emotion will fog the truth.
So there's that. And then Another thing I do is play pretend.
If something really good happens to me, Internally, I might feel imposter syndrome.
I might feel inadequate, anxious, like I don't deserve it, etc., etc., But on the outside, I pretend as though I'm proud of myself.
So if someone congratulates me instead of saying, oh, no, no, no, no, no, I know it's It's nothing, it's nothing, blah, blah, blah.
No, I don't deserve it, blah, blah, blah.
Instead of saying things along those lines, I'll say thank you, and that's it.
And in a way that is playing pretend because what I really want to say is, no, I don't deserve it, blah, blah, blah, blah.
You know, I want to, lean into my imposter syndrome, but instead I lie and I say, thank you.
I really appreciate it. And I'm really happy about how things are going.
Thank you. Obviously not that verbatim, but you get the idea.
And you know, someone gave me advice once to smile in the mirror. when I'm sad and it will inevitably make you feel better.
And that sort of stuck with me because it's the act of pretending.
When you smile in the mirror, you're pretending like everything's fine for a brief moment. and it does make you feel better.
And I've applied that in so many areas of my life Sometimes you just need to pretend a little bit to get yourself back on track.
I've definitely done that with my imposter syndrome and it does help because eventually you actually start to believe that The pretend, you know what I mean?
It starts as pretending, but eventually it starts to become real.
I've also gotten better at ignoring what other people are doing because a lot of imposter syndrome is rooted in comparison.
You know, like, oh, I should be working harder because that person is... oh, I should have gotten a better grade on this test because that person did it.
A lot of times our imposter syndrome is made worse. by others.
So I've sort of stopped paying attention as much to what other people are doing and tried to separate it in my brain from my own success.
When somebody else does better than me at something, now I'm able to be like, fuck yeah, rock on.
And it doesn't impact me. how I view my own success.
I think I've always been a good team player.
Like I've always been stoked for other people's successes.
But it used to be that I would be stoked for other people's successes.
And then deep down, I would be ashamed of the lack of mine.
But now it's more like, okay, I'm stoked.
And it doesn't really impact how I view my success.
And I'm more... I'm competing against myself in a way.
Now that can still be toxic, competing against yourself.
So you have to be careful with that. But I think that's better than competing against others in a way. way.
You need a little bit of competition though or else you're not going to be motivated at all, but it can be easily taken too far.
So I don't know moral of that story is just kind of ignoring what other people are doing. in regards to what I'm doing if that makes sense. you should still pay attention to other people's successes and congratulate them, but you can sort of ignore them in the context of your own success.
And that's what I've been working on as well.
I think one of the most significant things I've done though is put my worth in other areas.
This has been so crucial for my imposter syndrome.
If all of your worth is in your success and you have imposter syndrome, that's a losing game.
You will not win that game. That will lead you to a very dark place because...
When you have imposter syndrome, you cannot genuinely feel proud of yourself.
That's what it is. So no matter how successful you become, you will never feel successful enough.
You will never feel like you've done enough. you will never feel good enough.
That is what imposter syndrome is. So if you're putting all your worth in your success, when you have it, you're screwed.
I've shifted my worth to other areas. I would say my worth nowadays is in More of like my morality and my values, who I am as a person, do I treat others well?
Do I do the right thing? Et cetera, et cetera.
Over the last few years, that's become more of a priority for me.
And I think I'm at a place now where I'm very proud of the person that I am.
I still make mistakes. Yeah, I'm not always perfect.
I don't always make the right choices. I don't always... have the biggest smile on my face.
I don't always handle situations as gracefully as I want to.
Like I'm a human but I'm pretty proud of who I am from a moral and value perspective.
Like I feel solid about it. And I've worked really hard to get there and it's required a lot of discipline over the years.
And I've also Had imposter syndrome with that.
Ironically enough, like I even still struggle with imposter syndrome around my morality and my values and who I am as a person.
But I've continued to work hard to a point where Now I feel like that is where my worth is.
That is where my value is. is as a human being.
And even though sometimes I have imposter syndrome about it, I've worked so hard to be good that I don't know, like for some reason, I've been able to combat the imposter syndrome with that much easier than I was with my success.
I also think too that there's a lot of reward that comes with putting your worth and being a good person because you make people smile, you make people laugh, you build deeper friendships.
There's like such a vivid, obvious reward there. that is so fulfilling in life that it's easier to convince people the imposter syndrome to shut the fuck up when you have such clear rewards for that focus in life that, I don't know, does that make sense?
Probably not, probably not. But going back to my career, I've also sort of shifted my career goals instead of my goal being simply, you know, just success. as it was for many years because I didn't really know any better.
I didn't know that there was such a thing as a career goal that wasn't just...
Success-focused? My career goal now is to ideally be as fulfilled as possible in my job. as well as maintaining a healthy work-life balance.
Like now having a work-life balance is a part of my career goal.
Like that is now the goal. Instead of the goal being, work as hard as I can and be as successful as I can it's like no no no work in a way that allows for a fulfilling life.
That's become the goal. Now, that shift... has been challenging because my brain wants to go the other direction and say, no, you need to work harder.
No, you need to be doing more. But having that as my goal, has just led me to a lot of improvements. in my imposter syndrome because my goal is not inherently feeding my imposter syndrome.
And last but not least, I've shifted my general life goals.
My goals in life now are far different than they used to be.
I think my life goals and my career goals used to be the same.
But that has shifted as I've gotten older.
And now I have much different personal goals.
Like I'm... My personal goal is to build a family one day, have a little baby, maybe just a little baby. maybe move somewhere peaceful, maybe not, but maybe eventually have... a more private life, not necessarily fully, like my life is very public now.
Maybe one day I have a more private life.
And maybe start a local business. when I'm a bit older and have a family and move somewhere else.
Maybe I have a local business. I have other goals now. for my general life that don't involve max success in my career.
So yeah, that's kind of it. That's what I've done.
If you have imposter syndrome, some of these things might help you.
They might not. You might have to go on your own journey to figure out what works for you. it's been really a relief to alleviate the imposter syndrome because it's it bleeds into all areas of your life in a way that is really damaging and and really just shitty.
Like, it's so nice to be proud of yourself sometimes. it's such a relief not to psych yourself out all the time. and overthink everything.
And I don't know. So I recommend. to all of you to look inward if you have imposter syndrome and try to figure out how to get the fuck rid of it.
Although actually, I don't think you can really get rid of it, but how to alleviate it.
So yes, that's what I meant to say. I invite all of you to look inward and try to find ways to alleviate your imposter syndrome because I do think it's possible.
We might not be able to ever fully get rid of it, but we can get close.
And that's... Nice. So that's all I have for this week.
I hope that you enjoyed this episode. and enjoyed hanging out with me.
And if you did new episodes of Anything Goes every Thursday and Sunday, you can check out Anything Goes on Instagram. at Anything Goes.
You can follow me on Instagram at Emma Chamberlain.
You can check out my coffee company, Chamberlain Coffee.
You can order online at ChamberlainCoffee.com or find our store locator at on ChamberlainCoffee.com to see if we're in a store near you.
We might be in a store near you. So go check it out.
That's all I have for today. Thank you for listening.
Thank you for hanging out. I really love you and appreciate you.
And I can't wait to talk to you soon. Bye now.
TTYL.
