If you can understand these jokes, you are basically fluent in English.
All of the jokes today rely on wordplay, which we use heavily in Britain.
Understanding humour in a second language can be really difficult.
It often depends on knowing two meanings of the same word and recalling those two meanings very quickly.
Those are really advanced skills.
I'm going to put you to the test today with five jokes based on wordplay.
And to help you even further, I have created a free guide on British English humour.
This guide talks about irony, sarcasm, puns, and so much more.
It's essential to understand British humour if you want to fit in in the UK.
You can download this for free.
Just click on the link in the description box or scan the QR code there.
Join my mailing list and I will email you the guide.
Okay, we'll start with the simplest jokes and move to the hardest joke at the end of the lesson.
I'll tell you the joke, see if you understand it, and then I will explain it.
Joke number one.
My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo.
I had to put my foot down.
Okay, did you laugh?
Don't worry if you have no idea why it's supposed to be funny.
Firstly, you need to know what a flamingo is.
Is this?
It's a bird that's usually pink, with very long legs and a long neck, and they often stand on one leg.
If you are pretending to be a flamingo, you're probably standing on one leg.
So to put your foot down literally means to stop doing the flamingo pose and place your foot on the ground so that you're standing on two feet.
But to put your foot down also has a figurative meaning it means to firmly oppose someone or something.
So in this case we can imagine that the person says i won't stop, i love impersonating a flamingo.
They put their foot down.
Okay, now you're warmed up with that first joke.
Let's look at our second.
I fired my masseuse today.
She just rubbed me the wrong way.
Okay, did you get that one?
This relies on the literal and figurative meanings of to rub somebody the wrong way.
Before we get into that, do you understand the verb to fire?
It means to dismiss someone from a job, to tell them they no longer work somewhere.
So I fired my masseuse, the person who gives me massages.
Why?
Well, a masseuse literally rubs you during a massage.
So if my masseuse rubbed me the wrong way, I always imagine someone stroking a cat the wrong way, you know, against the direction of their fur.
Most cats don't like this.
I did have a cat that loved it.
She might have used an unpleasant or incorrect technique.
I didn't like it, so I fired her.
But figuratively, to rub somebody the wrong way means to annoy someone or to make them feel uncomfortable.
In British English we tend to say rub somebody up the wrong way.
But the joke doesn't work as well with up.
So which was it?
Did my masseuse use a bad technique or did she annoy me?
Maybe it's both.
All right, joke number three, we have a dad joke.
My sister bet that I couldn't build a car out of spaghetti.
You should have seen her face when I drove past her.
Okay, that even made my husband laugh.
He's just off screen.
Did you laugh at that one?
Let's break it down from the beginning.
So, in this context, to bet means you're almost certain that something is true or will or won't happen.
So she's convinced that I can't make a car out of spaghetti.
The next thing we hear is, you should have seen her face.
We use this expression to describe someone's facial expression when they are shocked, amazed or have some other strong reaction.
Notice that I used the informal contraction, shoulda, for should have.
And then we have, I drove pasta.
This works on two levels because she looks shocked.
It sounds like i actually made a car out of spaghetti and drove it past her.
She saw me driving.
Secondly, you probably know that spaghetti is a type of pasta, so i drove pasta or pasta.
Using the american pronunciation means i drove a car literally made of pasta.
That double meaning is what makes the joke funny.
Now, to make the joke work, the words have to sound the same.
And in my modern received pronunciation accent, I usually pronounce past with a long R sound, past.
In many North American accents and parts of the UK, people use the short A sound, past.
Most dictionaries show the noun pasta with the short a sound.
In British English pasta you will hear pasta, especially in North America.
Either way, we want them to match, so we change the pronunciation slightly.
We can either go with past and pasta or past and pasta.
We also need to drop the h sound in her and just replace it with a schwa, pasta, pasta.
Number four, get your thinking caps on.
Why don't scientists trust atoms?
Because they make up everything.
So this is another typical dad joke, especially if your dad is a scientist like mine.
It relies on people having a basic knowledge of physics or chemistry and the double meaning of the phrasal verb to make up
First, let's go back to physics 101.
What's an atom?
Well, it's the smallest unit of any chemical element.
They literally make up everything.
Everything consists of atoms.
Everything is made up of atoms.
To make up means to constitute or form.
So atoms make up all matter in the universe, including our bodies, the air, water, rocks, and stars.
So what's the joke?
Well, to make up means to invent or to lie, as in she made up a story about her dog eating her homework.
So scientists don't trust atoms because they make up, invent everything, they lie.
Okay, I promised you that the last one would be really hard, so if you get this, your English is amazing.
Are you ready?
A termite walks into a bar and asks, is the bartender here?
I love that one.
So, the setup of this joke is very common in English-speaking countries.
Someone or something walks into a bar.
I wonder if you have a similar setup in your first language.
Well, we have a termite walking into a bar.
First things first, a termite is a small insect that usually lives in hot places.
An important thing to know for this joke is that termites eat wood.
They can cause a lot of damage to wooden buildings and furniture.
So, a termite enters the bar and asks, is the bar tender here?
Now, a bartender is a person who works behind a bar serving drinks.
So, that's who the termite is looking for, right?
No, the termite asks, is the bartender here?
Can you hear the stress shift?
Bartender, the person, bartender.
When we talk about food, tender means fairly soft, easy to bite through or easy to cut.
And what is a bar and a pub traditionally made of?
Wood.
Do you see where the joke is going here?
The termite is looking for its next meal and asking if the wooden bar is soft and easy to eat through.
I love that one.
Okay, firstly, how many times did you laugh in today's lesson?
Did any of my jokes make you laugh?
I'd love to know which one was your favourite.
And I would also like you to make me laugh, so please write your favourite English joke in the comments.
I can't wait to read them.
Remember, if you're interested in British humour, it really is fascinating.
We have a great sense of humour.
Download my British humour guide.
It's free just for you.
The link is in the description box or you can scan the QR code there.
I'll send it to you via email.
I really hope you enjoyed this video.
I hope you learnt a little bit of vocabulary and have some new jokes up your sleeve to share with your new English friends.
I'll see you in the next lesson.
