I want more, i want more, i want more.
So bad, oh my god, i want more.
I want it all, damn it.
I started taking singing lessons recently and let me tell you something vocal classes, you know, working on my voice, And like by my second class, I remember just leaving thinking eh.
So, so, so, so, so, so, wait, wait, wait.
This is what people who have access you know these people like from a really young age.
You know they're taking classes.
They're being, their talents are being honed.
Me, it's always natural talents, natural shit.
Oh, she's a natural born singer.
She's a natural born this one.
Oh, I'm tired of natural.
I want harnessed shit.
I want developed talent.
You know, talents that is, that is not just instinct, instinctive.
I want talents that has some technique behind it and i was like ah hey no no no no no no no no no, no.
I want more.
You know listen, I have a lot of dreams.
Number one, I want to be a pole dancer.
It actually is one of my major dreams.
It's not that right now I'm, you know, I'm a creator, and then I'm an actor, and then I'm a writer and all these things.
My main, my main dream would have just been to be a sexy pole dancer.
Just be sexy and shaking my bum everywhere.
And why shouldn't my dream come true?
Why shouldn't my dream come true?
I was thinking about it.
I want to be a pianist.
See my long fingers.
Yeah, they're meant to play the keyboard.
I want another degree.
So it's either a PhD or another master's.
And I wanna tour the world with my poetry and my music.
How am I gonna do that?
How am I gonna do that?
Yeah?
How am I going to tour the world with my poetry and my music and travel all these places without cash, dollar and pounds?
You know, I've never been someone who wanted any less.
I've always wanted more.
I've always wanted everything.
But these days, my desire for more is like tenfold, twentyfold, maybe thirtyfold.
And I think that we live in a world right now where people are so afraid to say they want more.
And I think it's obviously because of the unhealthy patterns that we've seen with wanting more.
People chase a lot of things from a place of pain and lack and trying to prove a point.
So when they get there, or when they get to whatever they want, they come and tell us oh, you know, success is not everything.
Money is not everything.
Yeah.
Money solves money problems.
Money fixes money issues.
And a chunk, if not most of the problems in the world are money issues.
The problem is that you wanted money to fix non-money issues.
That is not my problem.
That's not me, okay?
I want money.
I want it all.
I know what's funny.
I genuinely think that anybody who is afraid of money is afraid of themselves.
Money is inanimate.
What are you scared of?
Oh, I hate money.
Money is evil.
No, you don't hate money.
You hate injustice.
Injustice is not money.
Humans, people perpetrate injustice.
Money is paper, doesn't have a soul, doesn't have it just takes on the, the nature of the person that wields it.
I know who i am and i want to wield that shit.
Okay, i've always wanted to be more than comfortable, more than fucking comfortable to change a generation and the community surrounding that generation.
You need more than comfortable.
Comfortable doesn't cut it.
Now some people are like oh my God, you know, I'm just really working hard.
Just working so hard.
Just so that my children, my future children, my future family, they can have a great future.
To set a great future for my children.
Which dirty children.
Which dirty children.
These are strangers.
I don't know those people.
They are strangers.
I don't know them.
I'm doing it for me.
Me, I care about the people that I can see myself, my community, which dirty children strangers, those strange gremlins.
I don't know them and i might never meet them.
So no, it's for me and the people that i can see.
The world has enough children and most of their dreams aren't coming true.
Who is working for their dreams?
Because it's like i feel like we're so obsessed with unborn things.
What about the born?
The ones looking you in your eyes, look at them.
What about their dreams?
If I do end up having kids okay sure, till then.
But right now it's me, myself and I, and then the people that I can see.
You know, I moved to a new city.
I moved to a new city like three months ago and I've been trying to make friends.
Let me tell you something.
Making friends as an adult is just one of the hardest things ever.
One thing I will say is this I've actually made more effort than I've ever made in my life when it comes to making friends.
So I've been going for, like this um these, because it's just, it's more than one.
I've been going for these local meetups, just random meetups.
Yesterday i went for a games night.
I met a few people, played some games.
I sucked, but i went, you know.
But then sometimes i have this feeling where i'm like um, am i really doing enough?
Because honestly, if you want to make friends, like if you moved, if you move to a new city, and you want to make friends, you have to treat it like a job.
But then just feel like i don't have enough energy to treat it like a job.
But then you're like but you want to make friends.
So it's not about whether you have the energy, it's about how much do you want it.
But then i also have to remember to give myself props for even trying, um going.
I've gone for three events now and i'm gonna go.
I have one booked for sometime soon and i'll just keep going.
I know what's interesting In the midst of trying to make friends and trying to meet more people, I had this thought maybe two days ago where I was like ah, should I start dating again?
Eh?
Okay.
I don't want to be, I don't want to act like with so much disgust towards the thought.
But the reason I'm reacting this way is I think that thought itself is a lie.
Quite frankly, the thought of me dressing up, taking my precious time, and we all know time is the most precious thing in the world, taking my time dressing up to go and romantically audition a person and be auditioned by them makes me want to barf.
The time I could be plotting how to climb the ladder of success how to expand myself.
I could be learning new stuff.
I'm going to use it and go and sit with a strange romantic partner.
Now, this is no shade to people who are dating.
Carry on.
I'm speaking about myself.
I just thought about it and I was like I think I have space and energy to make new friends because, you know, friendship is friendship.
Friendship Friendship is just so necessary and friendship can also turn into something else.
Friendship and maybe you end up finding a romantic person who was once a friend.
That's fine by me.
But to sit down with the time I'm supposed to use and be becoming your sugar mummy and be talking With this behavior.
It's no wonder I don't date or I'm not dating.
All I have on my mind is money, money, money, money.
I was a bad girl.
This is where I'm at.
Just being honest.
Oh, there's a question that has been showing up a lot in the comments.
I do read the comments, you know.
I reply to what I can, but y'all are so cool.
Now, one question that's always come up is, Pearl, what do you read?
Pearl, make a book.
Tell us your book.
Can I say something?
The way the questions come, it's a recurring question.
It makes me believe that there must be this belief that Pearl reads books.
These like incredibly complex books that change your mind and, and you know, make you whatever.
Let me tell you something i didn't read myself into pearl.
Books have opened my mind, okay.
Books have changed my life in many ways, but not in the way i think a lot of people expect.
I was a psychotic reader as a kid, but i read a lot of storybooks what you call storybooks, so fiction And my bookshelf tells that story.
Almost everything here is a fictional story.
I learned so much from fictional characters.
I take my time to dissect.
I don't just watch movies.
I don't just read books.
I don't just see people.
When I meet a person and I notice something about them, I will literally sit down, sometimes 10 minutes 15, 30 minutes an hour, to really break down what I saw in that person and why maybe I felt something or what that made me feel and why I felt that way.
And it's a natural thing for me.
I didn't plan to do it.
It's just how I am.
My sister calls me sugar mommy.
You know my immediate younger sister, because I have more than one sister.
And she's like, sugar mommy.
And I'm like, yes, yes, I'm about to be.
I'm about to be.
I just need to get my shit together.
I just need to gather myself and I'll be a sugar mommy.
And this name will be befitting.
Why not?
I beg, I beg, I beg, I beg, I beg.
Hmm, sugar mommy, that's me, do you know?
Oh no no no no that's, i deserve it.
All them dreams, all them goals you had as a child, all them fantasies.
You're gonna make them come true.
You're gonna be your own genie.
What else?
What are that?
Um santa claus?
I never believed in that person.
But yeah, adult version of that, why not?
