About a week ago, I had the realization that I had fallen into some bad habits.
I realized I'd been scrolling on social media a little bit too much, online shopping a little bit too much, ordering food delivery a little bit too much. listening to podcasts a little bit too much, watching YouTube a little bit too much. falling asleep to the sound of TV a little bit too much.
And I came to the realization because I felt like shit.
My brain felt cloudy. I felt anxious. I felt kind of depressed.
I didn't feel like I was being as creative as I knew I could be I didn't feel like I was as focused as I knew I could be.
I just felt like shit. And I really make an effort in my life to have a healthy balance with modern convenience. in modern entertainment because I know how addictive these things are.
And I know how toxic they can be. But every once in a while I find myself in a place where I've lost my balance with these things and Usually what I do is just fix it in a way that's pretty anticlimactic.
I mean... I just make the decision that I'm going to regain that balance.
And then over the course of the following week or so, I shift back into a healthy mode.
But when I had this realization a week ago, that I had fallen back into these bad habits, I had this desire to take drastic measures.
And I normally don't, as I just mentioned.
Normally I just kind of make the decision in my mind to go back to a healthy balance.
But for some reason, this time was different and I wanted to take drastic measures and I wanted to really try to do something that would make a serious impact on my life. so that I don't fall into bad habits as often.
So I decided I was going to do a dopamine detox.
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Things people love. If you haven't heard of a dopamine detox, I'll explain it in a second.
This concept of a dopamine detox became really, really trendy a few years ago.
And everyone was doing it. Everyone was trying it.
But at the time when it was trendy, I wasn't really interested.
It just didn't appeal to me. and I never really looked into it, but I remembered... the basic concept, which was that you refrain from participating in in leisurely activities, and it kind of helps to reset your brain In a way, like that's kind of all I knew.
Right. And so I decided I wanted to try this dopamine detox, but obviously I had to do research because I didn't really know that much about it.
So I'm going to share with you what I found online.
Okay, so the first thing I researched was dopamine.
What is dopamine? I'm warning you before I start that I might fuck some of this up.
I mean, I'm not a scientist, okay? I'm not a neurologist.
Go easy on me and... take all of this with a grain of salt because I am just kind of reading off Google.
Okay. So according to the internet, dopamine is a type of neurotransmitter.
It is a chemical that your body makes and your nervous system uses it to send messages between nerve cells.
Okay. So to pretty much all of us, that means nothing.
Great. So this didn't really teach me that much.
So I did a little bit more research and according to Harvard, Dopamine is most notably involved in helping us feel pleasure as a part of the brain's reward system sex shopping smelling cookies baking in the oven all of these things can trigger dopamine release or a dopamine rush. which makes you feel good, and is involved in reinforcement, aka making you want to go back and do it again.
So this is why when you smell the cookies in the oven, and then you eat one, you actually might go back and eat another one, even if you aren't hungry anymore.
It's because dopamine is involved in your brain's reinforcement, which means It makes you want to go and do stuff again.
If something makes you feel good once, then your brain knows, oh, it'll make me feel good again.
So it makes you want to go back and do things again.
Right. Now, immediately when I started to understand what dopamine was, I was like, wow, it's all making sense to me.
So What is a dopamine detox? According to the internet once again, a dopamine detox is a period of time where you refrain from participating in modern activities that release dopamine too easily in order to hopefully reset your mind to start motivating you participate in slightly more challenging ways of life that are overall healthier for you mentally.
So for example, instead of ordering food delivery, which releases dopamine. gives you a dopamine rush, right?
While doing a dopamine detox, you cook for yourself.
Now, cooking for yourself is positive across the board.
Number one, it's a useful skill Number two, you feel satisfied after you cook something for yourself.
You feel like you made something. Number three, a lot of times it's more nutritious.
Not always, but sometimes. Overall, cooking is a positive activity, you know?
And so while doing a dopamine detox, you're going to be forced to cook.
That's one example. Another example would be to socialize in real life Instead of going on TikTok for five hours straight.
Going on TikTok gives you a dopamine rush because...
You're being exposed to a bunch of different people and what they're doing.
And it's exciting and it's stimulating. and it's entertaining and all of this.
And it even kind of makes you feel social.
But the truth about TikTok is that you're not actually being social.
You feel like you're being social and your brain kind of thinks you're being social, but in reality, you're just isolating yourself.
Because you're not actually making meaningful connections with people, yet your brain is responding as though it is.
And you're getting a dopamine rush, which makes you want to stay on TikTok.
The idea is when you're on a dopamine detox, instead of going on TikTok, you instead are forced to go and do something like socialize in real life.
Right. Or hang out by yourself and I don't know, do something creative.
So I see this sort of definition of the dopamine detox and I'm like, yeah, this makes complete sense to me.
So I get this basic understanding of the dopamine detox and I'm like, this seems great, what are the rules?
So I Googled the rules and I found a few different results.
So I compiled a list of the most popular rules into one master list.
And here's what I got. No internet, no social media, no music, no gaming, no video content, No porn, no masturbation, no drugs, alcohol, or caffeine.
No unhealthy food, no food delivery, no exercise, no socializing, even in real life.
No reading books, no shopping, no thrill seeking.
So I see this list of rules and I'm like, wait a minute, this is not going to work for me.
Maybe this is why I didn't try it when it was trendy.
I guess I must have forgot how strict the rules are.
And so I decided to do a little bit more research and I found very quickly that Some skepticism from scientists.
So the problem is a true dopamine detox is impossible.
Because the brain continues to produce dopamine all the time.
Yes, dopamine does rise. when you experience pleasurable activities. but it doesn't actually decrease when you avoid pleasurable activities.
So a dopamine fast technically doesn't lower your dopamine levels.
You can't detox yourself from a chemical that your body is producing.
And the fast, it's like misdirected, right?
It's called a dopamine detox, which insinuates that what you wanna do is avoid activities that give you a dopamine rush, right?
But I think what the goal really should be is participate in a technology detox, that makes sense because you can't detox your life from technology. by not using technology.
I also read about how a lot of people who do dopamine detoxes deprive themselves of healthy things because they release dopamine.
So for example, People who are really hardcore about the dopamine detox will not socialize or read books about because those things release dopamine.
But those things are healthy. There's no science stating that you must refrain from all, all activities that release dopamine if you really want to reset your brain.
Like there's no science there. So at this point in my research, I'm confused.
I'm like, is a dopamine detox even a real thing?
I guess not. But I made the decision that I wanted to do some form of a detox anyway, because I
There were pieces of the dopamine detox concept that were exciting to me.
There were also pieces of it that felt too extreme to me.
And then there were obviously pieces of it that were just completely inaccurate. scientifically.
And so I considered the idea of doing a technology detox where I completely cut myself off from technology. i can't do that because you know a lot of my job requires me to use technology.
And I can't take a break longer than 48 hours in the foreseeable future.
So that wasn't really an option. So I decided to just make my own detox. that specifically targeted my weaknesses my addictions, et cetera.
And I made it doable. A lot of the rules are healthy habits. that I might want to bring into my day-to-day life at some point.
Some of them are a bit more extreme. And I put them in my list of rules just to see what would happen. but a lot of them are really doable and might actually be integrated into my daily routine at some point.
Who knows? Okay. So let me share with you the rules for Emma's detox.
I'm calling it Emma's detox because it's not a dopamine detox because it's As we know, that doesn't actually exist scientifically.
And it's not a technology detox because I will be allowing some technology.
So we're calling it Emma's Detox. My own set of rules to help me get back on track in my life.
So. I'm not going to scroll through social media.
I will allow myself to post something but I won't allow myself to look through social media, look at my comments, look at my likes, look through my tags.
Nothing. I'm only allowed to go on there to just post something.
And then I turn my phone off immediately after.
No internet unless I'm researching something for work. or for learning purposes.
No music unless I'm with a family member, friend, or my boyfriend.
So when I'm all alone, I must be in silence.
No video content whatsoever. No YouTube, no movies, no TV unless...
I'm with a family member, friend or my boyfriend.
Like if it's something that I'm doing with someone else, it's fine.
But when I'm alone, no. No drugs or alcohol, caffeine is allowed because caffeine is not a drug to me.
It is just my life. So we all know I don't smoke weed.
And the only other thing I've ever tried is mushrooms and I don't really want to do them right now.
It's not a appealing to me. So we're good there.
Alcohol is a little bit more of a challenge.
I love having a little drink on the weekends.
If I have a really long day, sometimes I like to have a drink You know, I mean, I, I do drink, so that one was a little bit more challenging.
And then caffeine, I cannot remove from my life.
Sorry, and I don't want to. Next rule, no food delivery.
That includes ordering groceries. I order groceries all the time when I'm too lazy.
Don't want to go to the grocery store. Can't do it.
Don't have the energy for it. I order my groceries and I decided that I wasn't going to let myself do that.
And then obviously no food delivery, meaning pre-prepared meals from like a restaurant, you know, post-mating, door dashing, whatever.
Last but not least, no online shopping. So this is much less extreme than the dopamine detox rules that you find online.
My list of rules is much less strict than the dopamine detox, okay?
The dopamine detox is extreme. Like... No socializing, no reading books, no exercise. kind of ridiculous.
And again, as I mentioned earlier, cutting those things out that are healthy is doesn't actually benefit you.
So that's why I was like, no, I'm not cutting those things out.
My goal was to focus on high quality socializing with friends, family. boyfriend, et cetera, to spend time in nature, to be creative, to get work done, to stay focused, to exercise and move around a lot. to meditate, to journal, to reflect, and just to get back on track.
I decided I was going to do this for seven days and I documented my feelings and my thoughts. during this experience and I'm going to share with you what happened.
Okay, so let's start with day one. I woke up immediately despising the silence, okay?
It was eerie to me. Prior to starting this detox, I was... listening to something constantly when I was alone. sometimes it was a YouTube video sometimes it was a podcast sometimes it was music and But regardless, I was constantly listening to something from the time that I woke up to the time that I went to sleep. immediately in the morning of day one, I realized how bad that problem had become because Being alone in a silent house was weird for me.
I immediately regretted making it a rule that I wouldn't listen to music.
But deep down, I knew that I needed to do this.
I needed to be comfortable in complete silence again.
Because I would consider myself to be an independent person.
I'm totally happy hanging out alone. I love it.
I need it. But the truth is, I'm good at being alone when I have music playing or when I have a podcast going. i want to have a youtube video going like am i truly independent if i can't be truly comfortable in silence by myself.
So anyway, the morning was weird for me, but once I kind of got over the silence I was actually excited to start working online. because I wasn't distracted by the music or by YouTube video or by a podcast.
And I was kind of bored, you know, the lack of sound made me bored.
And so I was ready to get started working in the morning.
Normally it's kind of a challenge for me to get started working because I'm like, ah, now I have to turn off my music. or I have to turn it down or I have to turn my podcast off or I have to turn my YouTube video off.
And it's like a bummer, you know, but I was so understimulated by the silence of the morning that getting to work was exciting.
And then I got a bunch done. Although it did suck because like 40 minutes into working, my neighbor's gardener started leaf blowing.
And it was so loud and I just hate that sound.
Normally, I would just put headphones in and play music and ignore it.
But I couldn't do that because I am not allowed to listen to music during the detox.
I just had to listen to the leaf blower and it was actually, it was torture.
It was like 20 minutes of leaf blower and I just, I could not focus. on my work for that 20 minutes because I was like laser focused on how annoying that sound was.
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When I took my morning poop, I was bored.
You know, I usually let myself go on social media when I'm taking my morning poop.
Not this day. And so I was, I was pretty bored. usually on the toilet for like 20 minutes in the morning because I'm on social media, but my morning poop was cut down to like three minutes. because I wasn't on my phone.
So that was kind of amazing. It was also interesting how excited I was for my workout.
I normally dread my morning exercise to an extent.
I know deep down I'm going to be so happy I did it, which is why I do it as much as I can.
I know that it's going to make me feel motivated and energized and satisfied and I know it's going to make me feel good, but I usually dread it a little bit before I go.
Not this day. I was so excited to get out of the house and go have something to do.
And yeah, to be around people. I was excited, more excited than usual.
It's usually a lot easier for me to be like, I don't want to go work out.
When I have music in my house playing, or again, a podcast or YouTube video, Usually I don't want to turn off my morning podcast or YouTube video or music to go work out.
And so that makes it even more dreadful.
It's like already hard to motivate because exercise is challenging.
But usually I have the added pull of... my morning entertainment that makes me even less motivated to go and do my workout or get started working or whatever.
And the rest of the morning and early afternoon was pretty normal. except the silence was unusual.
I kept finding myself wanting to turn something on to listen to.
And it just made me feel unsettled. But luckily, So I actually went on a road trip and, my boyfriend and I drove together and we talked the whole way and there was music playing and it was, It was normal.
And this road trip was a breeze for me because I was driving so I couldn't go and check social media anyway.
And I had someone with me. So I didn't need to watch a YouTube video or listen to a podcast.
So I went on a little family trip that weekend. my mom, my dad, my boyfriend, and me.
And we went to visit my mom's side of the family.
I know my parents are divorced, but they're still friends.
It's very unusual. That's why my dad went.
Don't ask. It is a unique situation. We'll talk about it.
I don't know. Yeah, but very cool. Magical that... their friends to a point where my parents can go on little vacations together. mean yeah but anyway the rest of the evening was very easy because We showed up to our destination and my parents were there and other members of my family were there.
And so I just hung out with everybody, talked to everybody.
And by the time bedtime rolled around, I was so tired.
I just went to sleep and it was easy. And I think what I really realized that day was how helpful it is to have people in your life. when you're trying to have a healthy balance with technology.
The first half of the day was really challenging for me because I was alone.
And I didn't have the ability to play anything out loud.
So it was just silence all day, right? And it was hard.
And then the second I was with other people, it was so easy.
It was like, you know, I had no desire to break any of the rules.
And I was even more focused and excited in these conversations with my family because I really appreciated the social interaction So the next morning I woke up and my parents were there.
My boyfriend was there. So again, Not that challenging, right?
I cooked breakfast for everyone, actually. and I was excited to do so during my morning poop, I... got some work done on my phone instead of scrolling through social media.
I almost felt like I was cheating because when I was around everybody, I was like, I just have no desire to break any of the rules that I made for myself.
This is too easy, right? What's the point of this challenge?
But I knew that once the family trip was over and I was still on my detox, it would be challenging again.
So I just tried to enjoy it while it lasted.
This day, I posted something on Instagram.
And the rule was I can post, but I can't scroll and read comments and do whatever.
Already, I broke the rule. I did read some comments.
And I actually saw a mean comment, which doesn't even happen that often, to be honest.
I mean, I try to protect myself from that for the most part, but just randomly, I see a mean comment.
And it really hurt me more than usual. And that was weird to me because it had only been 24 hours since I last went on social media yet.
I was significantly more impacted by this comment than I normally am.
It only took 24 hours without social media to become... incredibly sensitive to its energy.
And I immediately got really anxious and upset.
And that was bizarre to me because like, I normally have a thicker skin than that.
But then things really started to unfold.
So I sort of had a mental breakdown after this. questioning whether or not there's a way to use social media and not destroy your mental health.
I was frustrated with myself a little bit, wondering why I'm so sensitive to its energy. yet simultaneously being grateful for what it's brought me in my life.
Because my career started on social media.
And in a lot of ways, it was sort of an outlet for me in the beginning. but I'm so sensitive to it.
So yeah, I had a whole mental breakdown.
Talked to my family about it. Eventually got over it.
But by the time I was over it, I was exhausted and it was like 5 p.m.
And I was like, I... fucking want to drink.
And normally I would have just made myself a drink.
I'm on family vacation. I had a hard afternoon, an emotional afternoon.
Fine. I'll have a drink, but no, no drink for me.
And honestly, The impulse to drink was short.
And then I was like, okay, I don't care.
I am good. I spent the rest of the evening outside.
My family trip was on a farm. So there were lots of farm animals everywhere.
I hung out with some of the horses and the cows. and the little kittens that are like stray and running around.
That really helped me. Getting back into nature really grounded me.
I hung out with family some more. And then I got a little bit more work done and I started to realize, I was working as a form of entertainment, like going on email. responding to work texts, working on different things, you know, whether it's like a creative deck or it's a podcast outline or it's a whatever.
I found that I was... working to entertain myself.
And I started to wonder if that was a bad thing.
I was like, am I really fully disconnected here if I'm actually now abusing myself work in a way as a form of entertainment.
But anyway. I fell asleep so easily that night at this point, not having any sleep stimulation wasn't really bothering me.
Although I will say that, Sleeping with my boyfriend next to me helped me.
Just having him right there helped me. We didn't watch TV.
We didn't watch a movie. We just fell asleep.
But... Just having him there was helpful.
Day three, the morning was easy once again.
You know, I woke up to having my family there.
And beyond that, I didn't really wanna go on social media because...
The day before I went on to post something, saw one mean comment and then had a meltdown.
So I was like, I'm good for a bit. I had no desire to scroll on Instagram during my morning poop.
I didn't even have any desire to work on my phone during my morning poop.
I was like... fully good without my phone at all for the whole morning.
And then that kind of continued into the afternoon.
I swam in a lake. I went on a walk. I hung out with all the farm animals.
I was like living my best life. I had no interest in my phone.
My phone was literally in my room on the charger for 90% of that day.
And it was great. In the evening, a bunch of my family members, extended family members came over hung out with all of them.
Didn't think about my phone once the time passed so easy.
I will say though, there were moments during that day where I had this sort of dull anxiety about what people were saying about me on the internet.
Because that's something that keeps me up at night, all night, every night. this sort of obsessiveness around what people are saying about me on the internet.
And this was the day when I really realized how strong that obsession is. and how strong that desire is.
The first two days weren't so bad. For some reason, the third day, it really set in for me, how much of a control freak I am about monitoring what people are saying about me.
And I just had this sort of dull underlying anxiety. in my brain from not being able to check.
And it made me even more aware of how often I compulsively check what people are saying about me and not being able to do that. left me feeling a weird kind of anxiety.
Usually when I get this sort of nagging feeling in my brain saying, go check, go check, go see what people are saying about you, go check.
I just go do a quick sweep on Instagram, look around, see what's going on, look at the comments. look in my tags, see what's happening.
And then I go back to my day and I'm not anxious anymore because I just checked.
But this challenge was different because I couldn't go look.
I would get that sort of nag in my brain telling me to go check, but then I couldn't go check.
So it never got resolved. But you know, other than that, it was a really great day.
It was a really easy day. And that was that.
Day four, the morning was the same as the last few days.
Woke up with my family there. Everything was easy.
We packed up to leave. unfortunately. And the road trip back was much more challenging. than the way there.
For two reasons. Number one, I drove on the way to the vacation.
But on the way back, I was the passenger.
So I didn't have that distraction of driving on the way back.
Also, my boyfriend and I were tired. Like we just didn't have as much to talk about.
We just spent the whole weekend together.
We were tired. And normally I would have gone on my phone, talked to him a little bit, gone on my phone, talked to him a little bit, gone on my phone. but all I could do was stare out the window.
It was fine though. You know, I was thinking about a lot of stuff.
I actually was, I don't know, coming up with random creative ideas for things.
The boredom was actually a good thing Later that day, I decided to post something on Instagram from the trip.
And well, I accidentally stayed on Instagram a bit too long.
Again, I ended up on the Explorer page for a second.
The Explorer page is like my... I can't control myself.
I can't stay off of the explore page. Like I love it.
Like it is truly amazing. catered to me.
Like the algorithm really knows me and it just sucks me in.
Immediately. I would consider this a failure, but you know what?
I was probably on my Explorer page for two minutes, and then I was off.
So... Although it was technically a failure, it's all right.
So I got home and I was completely alone again.
And I really wanted to listen to a podcast. or to YouTube, or to music more than I had Any days prior, like it was intense.
And I truly, truly realized. around when you're trying to find a healthy balance with this stuff.
Like it really was nailed into my head at this point.
And I really started to question my independence.
I questioned my independence day one. But on day four, I was like having an existential crisis about it.
Okay. because I realized that I struggle to be alone. when I'm completely in silence.
Yet that's a skill that I really, really want to have.
And so I realized how much work I have to do.
You know, there's work that I need to do there.
I never realized how comforted I was by podcasts and YouTube and music.
I never realized how that made me feel like I actually wasn't alone. and how much I needed that when I was alone.
But eventually I got used to the silence again And dinnertime rolled around.
And I Postmated food on accident. Because I forgot that I wasn't ordering food delivery, but I didn't have groceries and I was tired.
So I canceled my Postmate order. And I just scrapped something together for dinner using stuff I had in my pantry.
And then I ate in silence, which is unusual because normally I eat with a YouTube video playing or something to watch.
But I got over it and then I fell asleep in complete silence with nobody next to me.
And I found it was actually more peaceful than I expected.
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Mentos gum. Yes to fresh. Day five. I had a lot of work to do this day.
I was working out of the house, actually at the Spotify studio. and so the morning and afternoon were easy i mean i still felt a little bit uneasy in the morning in complete silence, it was fine.
And on the way to and from the Spotify studio, I called my parents. and talk to them.
So that didn't really bug me. But when I got home at around 4 p.m., I was so tired and exhausted.
All I wanted to do was Postmate food and watch YouTube and lay down. that was all i wanted i wanted to like i can't even explain to you the desire it was like oh, I worked so hard all day.
I just want to enjoy myself, right? Eat yummy food that I didn't have to cook. watch something entertaining and just be flat in bed.
But the only thing out of those three things that I could do was just lay down.
So I laid down and I had a protein bar as a snack.
Which might've been cheating because that is technically like pre-prepared, but also like, Come on, it's fine.
I made my own rules, so it's fine. I ate my protein bar and then I took a nap.
I was exhausted. When I woke up, I went to the grocery store to get food for the next few days.
And the car ride was silent, completely silent.
I didn't call anyone. I was completely silent. in the confines of my mind.
And I was really using this time to problem solve.
It was interesting. Because I use driving as a time to think anyway.
But usually I'm listening to music and I'm much less focused.
But driving in complete silence is really meditative.
And I don't know, I was like problem solving.
I was planning things. I was getting work done in my head so that when I
Got home, I could like, I don't know, get a few things done.
I was like... scheduling out my next two days in my head.
Like I was... getting shit done in my head because I had nothing to distract me.
Making myself dinner was really fun. Even though it was in complete silence, it was really fun and it and I was proud of myself.
Then I called my dad and I hung out with him on the phone for a little bit.
Then I got some work done and I felt really creative and I was like coming up with creative ideas and I was like, And then I had to grab analytics from my Instagram page. to send to my okay it was a work thing i had to go on instagram and like send a screenshot of analytics But I actually didn't go on Instagram and scroll or anything.
I just got what I needed, screenshotted it. and sent it into my work group chat.
And I did not. scroll around on Instagram.
So I felt proud of myself there. And then I got into bed.
And I had a moment where I really wanted to online shop because I love online shopping late at night. but I didn't do it.
And then I felt proud of myself again. And I laid in bed and I stared at the ceiling and I was so bored and I was like, what the fuck do I do?
So I got out a piece of paper and I started doodling while I was laying in bed.
And then eventually I got tired and then I went to sleep and then I woke up the next day and it was day six.
At this point, I'm like in the routine, okay?
The quiet morning for me, easy. During my workday, I felt really focused.
I didn't feel feel any drive to distract myself in any way.
I did get really tired again, though, and I took a nap again.
And I don't normally take naps. Like I'll take a nap when I'm jet lagged or when I had to be up super early for some reason. but I did find it unusual that I was napping and, And I do think I was napping partially out of boredom.
But I was comfortable with the boredom at this point.
So this night I kind of screwed up because I was doing really well. all day.
But then I hung out with my boyfriend and as I mentioned earlier, I'm not making him follow these rules, okay?
This is my thing. This is my journey. I'm not going to force other people to do this with me. we Postmated dinner.
I really appreciated it more than usual.
Was it kind of a failure because I wasn't supposed to post my food?
Yes. But on the bright side, I really appreciated it more than normal because I had last few days.
Then I failed again because we watched a movie.
We watched American Psycho. I had never seen it, which is unusual.
It made me really anxious. I mean, it is kind of a thriller type movie, but...
It made me unusually anxious. And I wonder if it's because I hadn't watched anything. in five days.
And so being exposed to that level of mental stimulation made me anxious.
I don't know. My boyfriend fell asleep and I didn't know what to do.
Normally I would have went on my phone and just done dumb shit on there.
But instead I went downstairs and I worked on my computer for like an hour and a half.
And then eventually I got sleepy and then I went back upstairs and tossed and turned for like 20 minutes. really anxious and then I went to sleep finally day seven last day Day seven, I started out with a failure.
When I was taking my morning poop, I did accidentally go on Instagram and it was weird because it was like, wait a minute.
I had been so good about not doing this. for the past six days, what the fuck?
But for some reason, my thumb just went there.
But I immediately caught myself and was like, wait a minute, what am I doing?
And I went off. So that was good. So it was a failure, but then it was a success.
I had my quiet morning. It was fine. It was normal.
I went and did my workout. It was fine. Around lunchtime on day seven, though, I really realized how much I actually enjoy eating meals in silence.
And then I started to think about cooking in silence and driving in silence and how showering in silence and all of these moments that were usually filled with some sort of noise.
I started to realize how much I actually do enjoy the silence and it was exciting. because I started to realize how useful this silence is.
Because in the beginning of the detox, it was challenging.
It was challenging, it was upsetting, It was weird.
It was unnerving. I didn't really know what to do with that silent time.
But naturally, my brain... rewired itself and taught it how to use silence effectively.
And I realized I was using my alone time more wisely for the first time in God knows how long.
I was truly using it. Sometimes it was meditative.
Sometimes it was utilized for problem solving. sometimes it was used for coming up with creative ideas about things but it felt clear And it felt effective and useful and helpful and positive.
But then I posted something on Instagram.
And I did glance at the explore page again.
And then I was like, Emma, what are you doing?
Stop, get off. And then I got off. And it was fine.
I didn't stay on for more than probably 90 seconds.
But that was too long for me. I was like, no, this is not honoring the challenge and the detox.
Get off. So I got off. I went to a nail appointment this day and I really enjoyed sitting there in silence.
It was great. I loved it. Again, I was thinking, I was using this time wisely.
It was great. And then when I got home, I was exhausted and I took another nap and I was like, what the fuck is going on?
Why am I napping so much? Like I can't remember the last time I napped three days in a row, but I could not stop sleeping.
And so I found that unusual. So I Googled, why am I tired on a dopamine detox?
And I didn't find any scientific articles, but I did go on Reddit, which is a, by the way, least reliable source. of all time, but Somebody said, now this is not a scientist.
This is not reliable, but it kind of made sense to me.
So I was like, huh, maybe this is what's happening. happening.
Someone said being unmotivated and tired is a part of the dopamine detox.
It's the low your brain responds with as a counteraction to the high you experienced before.
This is a result of your brain attempting to stay in homeostasis and can last for months. somebody else said, imagine you had a car and you had to change the engine from diesel to gasoline.
You have to put that car in the shop for a little bit while they worked on it.
I think our brains are the same way. We've been running on high octane dopamine for a long time.
And now we're making a switch over to something different.
It's going to take a while to rewire and redo everything.
And during that time, it's going to be exhausting for the body.
Okay. That scientifically felt really off, but like I think that that might've been what it is.
You know, like my brain is, was not being as stimulated.
And so it wanted sleepy time. I don't know.
But I just, I kept taking naps. I don't know.
And on day seven, that was my third nap in a row.
So that was weird. And then... at the end of day seven, I decided to celebrate.
And so I hung out with my boyfriend again and we, We did the same thing.
We watched a movie. Food delivered. We actually even had a glass of wine delivered.
And that was the end of the Emma detox. So I came to quite a few conclusions.
I was really made aware of how reliant I am on social media and entertainment to make being alone comfortable.
And towards the end there, I got to a point where I didn't really feel like I needed it anymore.
I felt comfortable actually in the silence and I started to enjoy the silence.
And I didn't feel uncomfortable or uneasy.
But I realized that was something I was relying on before.
And that's something that I could rely on again if I'm not careful.
I also realize how much time I waste doing shit that does not make my life more fulfilling. more fun, more exciting.
You know, I've been the type of person to say, oh, There's not enough time in the day to get done everything I need to get done.
Yet I... Spent four hours that day online shopping and then on Instagram. and then watching a YouTube video and then getting back to work.
You know what I mean? removing all the stimuli in my life that I was addicted to gave me so much more time to do things that were meaningful.
Now, I will say I was pretty busy during this detox.
I didn't have as much downtime as I wish I would have because I think if I would have had more downtime, I would have been motivated to journal and meditate.
I just didn't really have the time for that during this seven day detox.
I used most of my downtime to nap or to just think.
And I never really got to the point where I was like, oh, I want to actually meditate or I want to actually journal. most of that work was just kind of done in my head. which I think is equally as beneficial, you know?
I guess meditating is in your head, but meditating is also a physical thing.
You know what I mean? You sit and close your eyes and deep breathe. you know, I didn't really have a moment to do that.
I was like using all this silent time to think, but I wasn't actually meditating.
You know what I mean? But in a way it was meditative.
I don't know. I realized how much less rushed I feel when I'm not participating in these time sucking activities like going on social media or watching a YouTube video or listening to a podcast.
I also realized how much creativity I'm stifling.
All of the addictive forms of entertainment make it so hard for me to shift into a mode where I'm bored enough to be creative and you know this was a huge eye-opener for me because A lot of the things I do in a way are creative in one way or another, not like creative as in getting out. canvas and painting a painting, but coming up with a creative way to demonstrate a topic for this podcast or coming up with a new creative marketing strategy for Chamberlain coffee or. coming up with a new branding strategy, like whatever it might be.
There's a lot of different creative things that I have to do or more importantly, want to do and.
I'm making it a lot harder on myself when I'm filling my time with addictive forms of entertainment.
I also realized how truly anxious social media makes me.
I realize how compulsive I am about checking social media. and how obsessed I am with making sure everything is okay all the time.
And I realized how scared I am of the internet.
I am really fucking scared of the internet.
It's terrifying. It's vast, it's large.
I'm scared of it in a lot of ways. I don't even know how to scratch the surface on that because there's so many... things about it that scare me.
And yet I love it and appreciate it in a lot of ways as well.
But I realized how important it is that I find the correct balance because It does make me really anxious and I am really compulsive about checking it.
And that's not healthy. So I need to figure that shit out.
And last but not least, I realized how much more present I could be in my life.
I'm not proud to say this, but there have been times when I've been in a conversation with somebody And I check my phone really quick.
I'm not the type to be like on my phone during a whole conversation, but There are times when I'll check my phone during a conversation or I'll maybe i'll cut a hangout with someone short because i'd rather just go home and watch youtube or I'm not fully focused on something that I'm doing because I'm also doing something else.
I can be so distracted by all these modern addictions and it can really take me away from important quality moments.
So here's what I'm gonna do moving forward.
I'm actually gonna try to keep up a lot of these habits.
Although some of them are ridiculous. Like I'm going to listen to music.
I'm gonna listen to a podcast every once in a while when I'm alone.
I mean, I'm not going to continue this challenge for the rest of my life, you know?
But I am going to try... to have more moments of silence when I'm alone.
And I'm going to... work on my relationship with social media.
And I'm going to try to stop ordering food delivery as often.
And I am going to try to stop online shopping as much.
I think that there's a lot to be learned by challenging yourself like this.
And I really recommend you try it, but make your own rules and Be honest with yourself about what you're addicted to. and challenge yourself to take a break for a little bit. because a lot of these modern addictions are sneaky and You don't realize how addicted you are to them until you remove them from your life.
But I will say this challenge, as minor as it may seem, was really eyeopening for me and it was challenging, but it was very rewarding.
That's all I have for today. Stay tuned for next week.
The episode after this one is going to be an special, who knows a lot about dopamine and addiction. and more.
My very first interview. So check that out and be ready.
That's all I have for today. Thank you guys for listening.
Go check out that interview. It's gonna be really great. yeah thank you for listening thank you for hanging out i hope you enjoyed it Follow Anything Goes on Twitter at AG Podcast or on Instagram at Anything Goes.
Follow me on Instagram if you want at Emma Chamberlain.
I really just love and appreciate all of you and am so grateful that you spent a little bit of time with me today.
Oh, also check out my coffee company, Chamberlain Coffee, if you want.
Use code AG15 to get a little discount, okay?
And I'll talk to you next week. Yeah, I'll talk to you next week.
Bye. This episode is brought to you by FX's Alien Earth, the official podcast.
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