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Hi, friends, it's Rosie here.
Welcome to Radioheadspace and to Monday.
There was a time when I thought I had a pretty good handle on my emotions.
That is until I found myself absolutely fuming in a situation I couldn't control.
I was in a rush running late for an important meeting, and I got stuck in standstill LA traffic.
And because, of course, someone cut me off—no blinker, no hesitation, just straight up stole my lane like they owned it.
I felt my anger rise instantly.
And before I could pause, my hands gripped the wheel and I laid on the horn and raised that specific finger for the world to see.
I probably shouldn't be saying that on this podcast because I don't condone this kind of reaction.
But that's exactly what happened.
And honestly, it reminded me of something I once read in a Buddhist teaching.
Essentially, it said, anger is reactive by nature.
It wants urgency. It wants an outlet.
But when we act from that place, we rarely get the outcome we actually want.
When was the last time you felt truly angry?
Not just irritated but full -on heat -rising heart pounding because I've been there and today I want to share a story about how I learned that anger isn't always the enemy.
It's energy waiting to be understood.
Anger is a natural reaction but it doesn't have to control us.
So I grew up in East LA where keeping your cool wasn't just about emotional regulation.
It was about survival.
You had to have a handle on your anger because the wrong reaction could get you hurt.
But as a teenager, I struggled with this.
I had a temper, and I didn't always know what to do with it.
It got bad enough that I had a run -in with the law and was court ordered to attend anger management.
If I'm honest, at the time, I didn't take it seriously.
I walked into these classes thinking, this is pointless.
I don't need this. But our counselor, Patty, saw right through me, and there was one pivotal moment, one that stuck with me, and I carry to this day.
During one of our shares, she said, And anger is just energy, like fire, and fire can destroy everything in its path.
It all depends on how you handle it.
I'd always thought of my anger as an uncontrollable force, something that just happened to me, but Patti helped me to see that I had a choice.
I could let it burn me up or I could learn to work with it, to channel it into something useful.
And that's the real work, right?
Not getting rid of the anger, but learning how to hold it without letting it consume us.
Flipping this person off, it wasn't my proudest moment, but in the heat of it, it felt necessary.
Like my rage needed a physical outlet.
While I sat there in traffic, I didn't feel awesome.
It wasn't satisfying, and it didn't fix anything.
If anything, I just felt drained.
And in that moment, I had two choices.
I could keep replaying the situation in my head, getting more worked up, justifying my reaction, maybe even finding more reasons to be mad, or I could pause.
So I took a breath, a big, deep inhale, and a slow, steady exhale.
And then I asked myself, what is this really about?
Because, let's be real.
Was it really about this driver cutting me off?
Or was it about something deeper?
Was it the frustration of feeling like I had no control?
The stress I had been carrying all week?
The expectations I had placed on the day going exactly how I wanted?
The thing is, anger doesn't just show up.
It builds. It stacks itself on top of other emotions we haven't dealt with.
And then it finds a way out.
And if we don't stop to recognize what's underneath it, we keep reacting instead of responding.
If you've ever felt anger rise up out of nowhere, or maybe out of somewhere, here's something to try.
The next time you feel that heat building in your chest, pause.
Take a deep breath and ask yourself, what's really underneath this?
Is it frustration, fear, a need for control?
Just noticing it, naming it, can shift your entire reaction.
Anger isn't the enemy.
It's information. It's our body telling us that something isn't right.
It lets us know when something feels unfair, when a boundary's been crossed, or when we need to take action.
But if we let it take over without understanding it, it only ends up burning us in the process.
Instead, maybe we can learn to work with it.
And if you're looking for some extra support, check out the Transforming Anger course in the app.
Thanks for being here today.
This week, we're diving in deeper into anger, how to release resentment, how to pause before reacting, and how to find compassion for the people who frustrate us the most. Yes, even them.
If you want to share your thoughts with me, you can find me on Instagram, at Rosie Acosta.
I'll see you back here soon.
You
