Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast.
I am so excited that you hit play, because today's conversation is going to, I think it's going to blow your mind.
See, right now, you and I are part of this game that's going on, and you don't even know about the game.
And this game that you and I are playing, it's changing how your brain works.
It's changing how you live your life.
And here's what I want to ask you.
Have you ever thought to yourself, gosh, I wish I wasn't on my phone so much.
I wish I wasn't constantly wasting time scrolling.
I wish I had more time to do the things that I really want to do and to be present with the people that I love.
And I wish they were present for me.
Well, I got news for you.
You're not alone. See, the average person is spending 59 hours a week consuming media.
Uh -huh, 59 hours. I mean, that's more than your full -time job.
And today, I'm going to show you that without even knowing it, you are losing this game that has been created by the big tech companies.
You have actually become a tool, a tool for them to make money.
And after listening to this, you're going to leave with these huge epiphany.
See, there's this quote that I love.
Wayne Dwyer said this, when you change the way you look at the world, the world you look at changes.
And here's what's going to change today.
Number one, you're going to have more time.
I'm going to give you your time back.
Number two, when you change the way you look at the world, you're going to get energy back.
Number three, when you change the way you look at the world, you're going to get your ability to enjoy your life back.
because here's what's going to change.
You're not going to be wasting all your dopamine on your phone.
And once you learn how big tech is using you, you, my friend, are going to stop losing this game, and you're going to turn the tables, and you're going to win it.
Because instead of being a tool for big tech to make money, you're going to learn how to have boundaries with your phone and how to use technology as a tool to help you achieve your goals and to make your life better.
I mean, this is one of those conversations, I get so fired up about this, I think you can tell this, that you're going to want to share this with absolutely everybody that you care about that has a smartphone, which is everybody that you care about.
So if you're ready to stop letting your brain be hijacked by big tech and by your phone, then you are in the right place because I'm about to change the way you see the world.
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Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to the Mel Robbins podcast.
I am so excited that you're here, and I'm also so excited about the conversation today.
This is a topic I am absolutely passionate about.
I have so much to share with you, to teach you, to have you just really, it's the kind of conversation that just makes you look at the world and what's possible differently.
And so let me just start by saying thank you for being here.
It is always such an honor to spend time with you and to be together.
And if you are a new listener, I also want to take a moment and personally welcome you to the Mel Robbins Podcast family.
I am glad that you're here.
And because you made the time to listen to this particular episode, here's what I know about you, even though we may not have met in real life yet.
I know that you're the kind of person who probably doesn't have a lot of free time, but you've made time to listen to this because you value how you spend your time.
And that's what we're going to talk about today.
We're going to talk about time and we're going to talk about a particular kind of lane on it that's really important.
See, you and I and every single person that you know is screwing themselves over right now when it comes to time, when it comes to energy, when it comes to attention.
And there's a reason why we keep doing this to ourselves.
And here's why. It's because you don't realize that the world that you now live in and big tech, and in particular, let me grab my phone right now.
I'm going to grab my phone.
That your phone is now designed for a singular purpose.
You ready? It is designed to steal your time and attention.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everybody can market everything about connection and all the wonderful things about your phone and the internet and social media.
And it's true. There's a lot of wonderful things about your phone.
But the number one thing that this phone is designed to do is it is designed to steal your time and attention.
And this is a really big deal.
By the time you and I are done talking today, you will never actually look at your phone the same way again.
And this is important because you do need to change the way that you look at your phone.
I'm going to explain that the world and tech and the phone and social media, holy cow, in the last five years, it has completely changed and you and I need to have a huge wake -up call Because when I paint the picture of what this phone is actually designed to do, it's going to change your motivation for how
you use it and when you use it.
And, you know, I've been talking about this topic.
It's called the attention economy for years.
I mean, I've been traveling the world.
You and I may just be kind of getting to know each other through the Mel Robbins podcast.
But for almost a decade, I spent most of my career traveling around the world and speaking at huge events being put on by some of the biggest brands in the world talking about all kinds of things from behavior change to motivation.
And a really big topic has been understanding the way that technology and the phone in particular is designed to steal your attention and your focus.
Because you and I now live in what's called the attention economy.
And this is important for you to understand.
It's important for your middle schoolers to understand, for your high schoolers, for the 20 -somethings.
Heck, if you've got aging parents that are now addicted to their iPad or their phone, it's important for them to understand.
We live in a whole new world.
We live in what's called the attention economy.
Now, what does that mean?
Here's what it means.
It means your attention is for sale.
That the time that you spend watching media, scrolling through your phone, tapping on certain things, buying things that you don't need, that everybody is making money off of your attention and your time.
That you don't have to get on your phone and buy something for people to make money.
You simply sitting on your phone and mindlessly scrolling and having it on, One, people have figured out how to make money with you simply having the phone on.
And so takeaway number one is that your phone is designed to steal your attention for one reason and one reason only, because people are making money on you.
It's that simple. They're making money on you.
and I'm gonna unpack this in detail so that you really understand what your phone is, what it isn't, and that from this point forward, even if you're in middle school and you're listening to me or you're 80 years old and you're listening to me or you're 50 years old and you're frustrated because you
can't get your family to just connect over dinner because everybody's on their phone.
Well, the reason why this is true is because the phone is designed to keep you on it.
Like that's what you have to understand that the rules have fundamentally changed and not enough of us are talking about it.
I didn't figure this out until a couple of years ago when I started looking into the research around focus and attention and I started folding in information about the attention economy and the way that the phones are designed because I started to feel concerned about my own use on the phone.
I started to be frustrated with the fact that my kids were so on their phones all the time.
It's like, what's going on with this generation?
And then I started to feel frustrated about the fact that everybody around me is constantly on their phones.
And myself included.
And see, here's the thing.
Like, I think you've had that experience, haven't you?
Where you know it's not good for you.
You know you don't want to spend as much time on it.
You know that when you're off your phone, you feel better, you're happier, you're more well -rested.
We also know the simple, stupid advice for how it is that we can stop using it so much, and yet none of us do it.
And so I started to wonder, well, why?
Why is it so hard? There must be something going on.
The truth is, yeah, there is something going on, and this is going to be a huge thing.
You've already learned one takeaway so far, which is you now live in the attention economy.
Your phone is designed to keep you on it because even if it's just open, people have figured out how to make money with you just turning this thing on and having it in your hand.
I mean, this is no joke.
And that's why we're going to unpack the way that the world has changed and what's happened with the phone and how tech is designed and how social media is designed and how ads are designed and how headlines are written.
They are specifically designed to screw you over, to have you just casually turn over your most precious thing in life, which is your time and your attention.
Where you put your time is what your life is.
And you don't probably know this.
Your kids don't know this.
The young adults in your life don't know this.
Your parents don't know this.
And that's why you're frustrated.
I was frustrated too.
You know, the research around this is kind of crazy.
Did you realize that you're probably spending seven hours a day consuming media on your phone?
And if you were just like, no, I'm not.
No, I'm not. Yeah, you are.
Is your phone on you?
Do you look at it throughout the day?
Every time you turn it on, you're activating the phone's ability to make money on you.
Even simply if it's tracking you.
Guess what? There are companies making money on the data that's tracking you and listening to you as you have it near you, even if you're not directly consuming media.
That's what I'm talking about.
And so if you've ever had that thought, boy, I wish I would just spend less time on my phone.
Or I wish I wasn't wasting hours scrolling on social media.
Or how about this? Do you feel like you're constantly buying things that you didn't actually mean to buy.
The thing that's laying around downstairs that I can't find the actual company to be able to return the thing to is I bought a bunch of those bird feeders that have the little camera in them.
They were all over my Instagram feed.
Oh my God, I've got like two extra ones here.
I don't even remember buying them probably because I bought it one night while I was scrolling through Instagram and the phone was on, and I even know that it is the attention economy, and I still succumb to it.
And the reason why I wanted to talk to you about this is because this is a really big deal.
The research shows that the average person in the United States, based on the devices themselves, is spending seven hours a day consuming media on your phone.
Seven hours a day. That's 59 hours a week.
59 hours. Just looking at your TV and your phone.
You got to be very careful about the addictive nature of this freaking device and how people are using you.
Because when you wake up and are like, wait a minute, I'm getting used?
Then I think you're going to have a different level of motivation around your boundaries with this phone.
And so first things first, we're going to spend a lot of time talking about what is it about the attention economy and the way that this thing is designed that has changed?
What do you need to know?
Because when you look at the world differently, I think you show up to the world differently.
And if you find that you keep thinking, God, I wish I would spend less time on my phone, or your kids are like, I wish I spent less time on my phone, but you just can't.
Like, for example, have you ever deleted TikTok, and then you just download YouTube?
Or then you delete YouTube, and then you download TikTok again.
If you have been the kind of person, have you ever set limits on your apps, right?
And then you just tap out of the notification, guilty.
Or if you can't watch TV while not also scrolling on Instagram, I mean, this is something we're all struggling with.
And you're struggling with it, not because you're weak.
You're struggling with it because that's a sign that the phone is winning.
The phone is winning the game.
The phone is changing your brain.
The phone is getting you to just step right into the trap so that it can make money on you mindlessly.
If you can't stand in a line at a grocery store or do chores or take a walk or even go to the bathroom without watching a video or listening to something or reading something on your phone, then you're in the right place.
And I just wanna ask you five questions, okay?
Five questions that reveal the truth that technology has won this round of the game because the way that the phone and social media is engineered and the way that people make money on your attention, it has changed you.
So let me ask you these five questions.
Number one, is your phone the first thing you reach for every day?
Do you ever find yourself checking the same apps over and over and over again for notifications even though there aren't any?
Are you unable to sit, take a walk, do chores, or even exist without consuming content?
You know, watching a video, checking a text, looking for something.
Does the idea of going somewhere without your phone make you anxious or uncomfortable?
And finally, do you find yourself getting to the end of a long day using doom scrolling as just a way to unwind and relax, only to find that you feel exhausted, depressed, or empty afterwards?
If you answered yes to any of these five questions, this is a sign that the phone and social and big tech has actually won this round of the game.
I wanna be very clear about something.
This isn't your fault.
It's not your fault.
if you're frustrated like I was frustrated with my family, I'm like, why are you guys always on your phone?
Look at me when you're talking to me.
What's wrong with this generation?
If you've ever felt that way, it's not their fault either.
It's not your teenager's fault that they're constantly online.
They need to be on social media.
They're constantly wanting to do something.
It's not your fault if all you want to be in life is an influencer because that's what you see other people doing online and you see them making money and you see them going on trips and you, like, heck, even your aging parents are now addicted to their phones and their iPads.
And it's not their fault either.
Not at all. See, we have all been duped by the big tech programming and the attention economy that we live in.
Your phone, social media, the news cycle, everything about the role that technology is playing in your life right now, It has not been designed for an altruistic reason.
It has been designed to hijack your brain.
It is designed to steal your attention.
And see, the reality is that you and I have been tricked into participating in and being used for a game that you and I didn't even know we were playing.
You know, you and I look at the phone and we're like, oh, this is great.
This is really great.
I love this. I can connect with people and I post and it is great but if you don't realize that you've been lured into something
