Hi everyone, it's Keisunga. Just a reminder that you can listen to all of our
podcasts, add free on the Headspace app.
Hey everybody, I am so excited to be here with you for another deer headspace.
Today it's me and my pal Eve and our friend headspace coach Corey or as I like to call
him coach Corey. Now we have got some very intriguing questions today. We'll be answering
one about how to take care of yourself when you're a freelance worker, how to stop exaggerating.
And we have a question from a frustrated artist wanting to be at peace with the imbalance
of financial returns in the arts versus more traditional career paths. So stick with us.
This is going to be a fantastic episode. Have you ever wished you had a wise meditation
teacher on speed dial? Someone you can call after a long day.
Someone you could lean on for their advice. Someone to listen and help you to see things
differently. Welcome to deer headspace, a podcast where I sit with a meditation teacher
and we answer your questions. Hi guys, how you doing? How's everybody doing today? Good.
I'm doing well. I love Eve's pause. She had to think about it. I like it today. I think
we all have to think about it for good today. Yeah. Yeah. Like how am I? I feel like that's
such a loaded question. People say, how are you? I'm always like, because I really try
to answer it. I'm like, well, I'm doing all right. I think it sounds so weird when I do
that. And I think my friends get tired of me because I'm always like, I'm present.
I'm present. That is that is like eternal. I counted for. Yeah. Well, we have got a couple
of work questions today. So I'm so glad to have my two co-workers here. I can't wait
to hear what your take is. And the first one is about taking care of yourself as a freelancer.
And I'm going to say it really jumps out at me as a freelancer. So let's get right to
it, shall we? Yes. Here is Anne with her question. Hi, my name is Anne. I am from the United
States, but I'm currently living abroad. My question is about mental health care and finances,
specifically when you work for yourself. I have a really hard time taking breaks. I do
take breaks during the day, but it tends to be kind of when I hit a wall and can't go
any further. And I'm just too depleted to continue. So it doesn't really feel like a
break. I have tried to take breaks. And when I do, I feel like I'm missing out on valuable
time. It could be making more money. And because I worked for myself, I also worry a lot about
money opportunity lost, saying no to projects, even taking a day off feels like I can count
exactly how much money I've lost because I've taken a day off. I am in a financially tight
situation because of the move abroad I wasn't able to work for a little over a gear.
You know, all the savings are depleted and money has been really tight. And I'm actually
in debt as well. So I have been able to find pro bono therapists, which has been a literal
life saver. Yeah, I guess just any insight you have on this in particular, it's been
something that's been kind of sticky for me for a while. So I'd appreciate any help
that you guys can offer. Thanks so much.
Oh, and thanks for this question. You too, I just want to say it starts off like the question
starts off like it's going to be simple like just take some walks, take some breaks. And
then the more that Anne starts to talk, it becomes clear that this is a much bigger, larger
issue about security and finances and safety and all of that. So I'm curious what you all
think.
Honestly, what came up for me is this because we've all been in these tough situations,
right, when there's just so much going on, that's out of our control externally. And it
makes it really hard to enjoy life. It makes it really hard to find happiness and to
find joy. For me, even in my own personal life, I really in these moments, I kind of
hunkered down, but I really start to enjoy the almost like the very small things. I
never forget I saw this quote. And it said, we pass miracles every day, but we have the
audacity to call them little things. And that really resonated with me. So in the summer
of like 2020, when there's like social unrest and there's just so much going on, I for
some odd reason started to become like, infactuated with flowers. I would really just stare
at these flowers, the colors and everything. And it was in a moment where there was like
a lot of financial stress and just like a lot of other stressors. And I started to have
more of these moments. So I'm like, okay, all this is out of my control. What can I appreciate
in my current surroundings? So it was like the beauty of the people, the beauty of the
city, beauty of nature, you know, the people around me. So there's a lot of gratitude, but
really paying attention and leaning into things that are really like these small miracles
around us, like, you know, if that makes sense. Yeah, for sure. Because it's almost like
there's two parts to this question, right? There's the facts of Anna's talking about, you
know, real money concerns and issues of like, I couldn't work for a year. I depleted my
savings. I'm in debt. So there's the fact side that needs to be kind of handled and addressed.
But then there's also the emotion side, which is like what you're talking to about because
she may not have the money. Well, we know she doesn't have because she said she doesn't
have the money to go on a vacation right now. But there's appreciation in the day to
day. And I think that's really interesting. Yeah. This resonates with me for two reasons.
One, I've been in a lot of debt before and two moved abroad. And I can really sympathize
especially in that first year. My husband couldn't work as well. And it can become very
isolating because your independence for a large part can often be tied to your work. And
obviously finances are open up or give you the ability to live life as you normally would.
And so not having that and having to start from the beginning again, which essentially
happens when you move countries. Obviously don't know what country you've moved to. But there
could be a language barrier as well. And that. So I think what I'm saying here is really
don't underestimate how long it can take to get settles and established in a new country
in a new place. I mean, if I think about when my husband and I moved to LA and we had
various other big dramas happening in our family, but I would say it took a couple of years
to really feel like my husband was back working, making connections. And so like many things
in life, our situations are temporary. And whilst it feels right now, you're very restricted,
a hearing you say, I worry about even taking one day off. Yeah. Which is a really horrible
place to be. And when I was in a lot of debt, I too felt like that. I was working two extra
jobs and seriously like counting the pennies. Yeah. And when I was in that situation, it felt
I'm never going to get myself out of this. And unfortunately, the answer is time. Yeah.
Is some hard work and patience. But the fact that you're recognising this is not sustainable
and that I'm so pleased to hear of therapists. That's amazing. But I just I love what Corey
was saying around like, what can you do with the resources that you have to replenish to
fill up your cup without having to spend lots of money? Yeah. My old boss used to talk about
like when you work from home, because a lot of us are in these isolating positions. And
you know, I've been a freelancer for the last four years, having been a corporate for
most of my working time. And you can just turn around and you worked the whole day, forgetting
that like if you work in an office, like people are always coming over tap now in the
shoulder being like, let's go get a snack or all I wanted to talk to you about what happened
this weekend. It's like none of that happens when you work in your bedroom. So it's like
really important to build things into your day, like take a walk to start your day. And
if you have to wake up 15 minutes earlier to do that. So you feel like you're on the clock
for the right amount of time. Do that. I just I want you and to have a delicate balance.
Like to Eve's point and to Corey's point, like leaning into the appreciation, but then also
be patient with the finances. Like it reminds me of when I had a baby, I went to the doctor.
And of course afterwards I was like, when am I going to lose this weight? And she said
nine months in, nine months out. Like it's you didn't put that weight on in a minute.
And it's not coming off in a minute unless you're a celebrity with a very good surgeon.
So you know, I just say be patient. And it took this long to get in this position. It'll
take a minute. So just build in everything you can to be gentle with yourself.
Yeah. There's no question that you were a really hard worker. You really care about what
you do. And so I know right now a two week vacation would seem just so far out of reach.
But there was, well, there's lots of research around burnout. And the fact that you're already
identifying, I'm worried that I could get to that place quite soon. There was a researcher
we worked with at headspace. And she talked about these different types of breaks that you
can incorporate into your day, but weeks and the month. So she, let me see if I can remember
there. So micro mezzo and macro breaks. And so the micro breaks sounds like what you're
already doing, little breaks in the day. So as Robin said, a walk in the morning, perhaps
again at lunch, could you connect with a friend, particularly if you're freelancing, maybe
meeting someone for lunch. Again, maybe don't go out for lunch. Maybe it's a picnic, get
creative with not having to spend the money because that's obviously a concern for you.
And the mezzo breaks, she refers to as ideally once a week, you're taking like an afternoon
off. So that could be like a Friday afternoon to replenish, to rest, to restore. And then
the macro is one day a month off. So maybe you could start there small. And I know you
said I can like almost see the money that I would have made, but and I know you know this.
And I'm sure you're talking about this with your therapist, but you really can't pull
from an empty cup. And it's so, so important that you are taking that time to rest and replenish
because if you do get to a really bad day of burnout, you won't be able to work at all.
And so maybe starting small and then as was we've all been discussing, it feels like
you're in the eye of the storm right now, but you had those savings and you can build
them back up again. Well, thank you so much. And we are with you. Everything's going
to be great. Just be gentle for with you. And we're part of your part of our community.
So let us know how everything goes. Okay. So we have got our next question from Risa.
Here we go. Dear headspace, my name is Risa. And I live in Vancouver, Canada.
I'm currently finishing a doctorate in piano performance and working on an ambitious dissertation
in addition to my freelance work as a performer and teacher. I love both my academic and performance
work, but often I feel frustrated by the injustices I feel in relation to my career as an artist.
I have so much an experience, knowledge and education, but society, artists are not well
supported. And recently I felt particularly frustrated watching friends and family who
are not artists and who live in less expensive cities be able to own homes and raise families
for example. Despite my skills and qualifications and my financial literacy, it just feels
impossible to be able to afford a home that would even have space for a child. So I'm wondering
if you have suggestions of ways that I can feel more at peace with this reality. Thank you so much.
See, now I love this question, Risa. Thank you so much for calling in with it because I think,
you know, while Risa speaking to artistry, there's many jobs where you're doing something that's
fulfilling that you love. I'm thinking of like social work or teachers where the pay is not
where it should be, you know, for the work that is done and for the, you know, for the level of
education. And so it's, I just think it's such a broad question even though Risa is asking it
in a really specific way. It's why we chose it. I love it. Yeah, I also made me think of nursing.
Yes. Thank you for just being so honest. It can be a really tough decision being really passionate
and loving the work you do and feeling that it's not fair that you pour your heart and soul
into the work you do. And because of the societal injustices that exist in certain sectors and
industries, even with gender, there are massive inequalities in pay. You did share that you
you live in Vancouver and Vancouver is somewhere I want to visit. It's on our list to come actually
this year. She's coming by to say hi. I'm going to come say hi. Yeah. But you mentioned that
like less expensive cities. And so yeah, I live in in Los Angeles so it can really relate to living
in an expensive city. And what got me thinking from your question is weighing up, living somewhere
like you do that from what I've heard is very beautiful, amazing access to nature. And of course,
that doesn't pay the bills. But what I'm saying with this is really thinking about what's important
to you in terms of where you want to be, how you feel, where you live in your environment,
because as we know our environment is deeply attached and connected to our mental health,
our physical health. And so what it might be a helpful exercise, maybe you've done this already,
but just writing down like the things that you really, really love about where you live and then
offsetting that with, well, if I was to move, what would I be giving up? Yeah, that's interesting.
Because it's like the the to doer in me wants to be like, well, Risa, let's look at your budget,
let's look at your hard costs. Could you move 10 miles further outside of the city? Could you,
you know, but it's like, that's not the question really, you know, it's like, like I'm an actor and
like people tell me no 24 or 7 and they tell me no by just ignoring me forever. But I have to live
with that that's part of the business, the instability, the way people treat you and the
and how hard it is to make money. It's like, so I'm constantly just trying to reinvent myself
and finding ways to to make it interesting because I know there's nothing I could do different
in my heart. It's what I want to do. So it's kind of like, well, is what it is. How do I make it the
best it can be? It made me think back to when I first started my career in mental health, like even
like just grad school and everybody kept saying, you know, Corey, this is not like a money making
profession. No one gets into mental health because they want to become rich or, you know, just to
have like a certain, you know, financial lifestyle. And I kept saying, oh, you guys don't know, you
don't know. It's going to be me. I am going to be the one. And then how that worked out for you,
Corey. Oh, it took a lot longer. And I say that to say the way that I continue to get myself
through it is one acceptance, getting to a space of acceptance and remembering why I do the things
that I do, which I think could be helpful. Reesa, if you're anything like me, you know, I don't think
you got into your profession because of the finances per se, but because like you mentioned earlier,
it's just your general passion for it. And that's really what drives you. You feel like you've found
your place in the world, your purpose in the world. And while it can't make up for the houses we
don't have or the bank accounts that we don't have, you have something really beautiful in this life
that not everybody who has the houses and who has the money can say, you know, you have purpose,
you have drive, you have something that waits you up every morning that, you know, you're excited
to do. And and argument could be made at that. It's pretty priceless. And I think that's the
road that we all travel is trying to find that balance between passion and purpose while also
trying to live the lives that we want to live externally. So I applaud you for the space that you're
in. And I think it's a beautiful thing to be able to do what you love. But I do think acceptance
is a big piece. And you never know what's around the corner for you. Maybe it's a new opportunity
that you never imagined that could lead to a 10-bit room house on the beach, you know, you never know.
Well, it's so funny because it's like I'm thinking of all the appreciation work you guys are
talking about. I'm also thinking about the actor Ed Harris. And he talked about he made,
I don't know, it had to be early 2000s when he made that movie Pollock. And it was his passion film.
And he just he wanted to make it. And everybody in the industry was like, don't put your own money
into a thing. That's like crazy. And he was like, I'm going to make this thing. And in order to fund it,
he did all these like big budget, like World War Two films that he knew were just paydays that
were not his passion so that he could fund his passion. So the to do list in me person is still like,
while there might be a way to have it be more palatable while you're finding the appreciation.
Like there might be a way to find some more lucrative avenues to what you do. I mean,
there might not be. It might be it is what it is. But I do think that I think about the Ed Pollock
method all the time when I'm trying to figure out my path of like, I got two teens that have to eat.
So it's like, I got to do that and then also do really bad commercials for not a lot of money.
So it's, you know, it's a delicate balance. Yeah. Cory, I really loved what you said around
the passion purpose and that being in some ways priceless because a lot of people are really not
happy in the work that they do and they paid a lot of money for it. But they're highly stressed.
They're burnt out. They don't see their family. Yeah. They don't take vacations because they're too busy working.
And there was a gallop who run a lot of workplace studies showed that 55% of Americans are
moderately to highly stressed every day. And that's not to say that every one of those people is high owners.
But I think it speaks to this notion that what we spend over a third of our time at work.
On average, which is more than we spend time with our families, our friends. And so loving what you do
is highly valuable. However, I think, you know, I could hear in your voice, especially when you said,
let alone a house that could fit a child. Yeah. And so if that is something that is really important to you,
like Robin said, maybe it could be a good exercise to sit down, look at your budget and think,
well, if this is my goal to have a child within X number of years or soon, what sacrifices or
modifications could I maybe start to make in order for that to happen? And I think there's lots of
ways you can approach this. Obviously, do you move slightly further away to a less expensive place?
But then thinking about what would you be giving up to do that? Yeah. But you could be gaining
the family that you want. So I think it doesn't have to be an either or an either or and knowing that
like in our previous question, this idea that things feel very fixed and that they won't ever change,
like the truth is we don't know what's around the corner. Yeah. And that really does apply to
opportunity as well. I think we can spend a lot of time worrying about the things that might
be around the corner. And less time thinking about what are the what ifs that could happen that
are really positive. And so yeah, giving yourself maybe some short term three months in a year,
what would be some shifts that would work for you, meaning that you don't have to give up too
much, but you're working towards those things that are really important to you. Yeah. I love that.
I also love that you just said when you switched out sacrifices for modification, because that
just seems like much more palatable to my brain anyway. So I love that. Well, good luck. We just,
you know, reset. You're going to find your balance. And I don't know. I just feel like when we answer
a question, I always feel like they've got this. Like I always feel hopeful. I always feel hopeful.
Like they're going to handle this and Reese is no different. Yeah. Thank you so much,
Lisa. Thank you so much. And we'll be right back.
Okay. And we are back. And here's a question from Kristen. Hi, headspace people. My name is
Kristen. I am from Arkansas, US. And my question is how do I stop exaggerating? I have found that
I tend to exaggerate things, especially when telling stories. I'll exaggerate minor details. And
it's become such a habit. Like I don't even notice that I'm doing it until after the fact.
And I'm not entirely sure why I'm doing it. And I also don't know how to make it stop.
So if anyone has any advice on, you know, why maybe this is something I do and how to put a stop
to it, that would be greatly appreciated because I don't want to mislead people. I don't have
the intention of harming others. But I think that sometimes when I tell these stories, I worry about
losing people's attention. I worry about, you know, how the story's coming across. And so I end up
adding in a detail to try and get that attention back. So yeah, if anyone just has anything insightful
to say, I'd really appreciate it. I absolutely love this question, Kristen. Thank you for it.
Because as a storyteller and a person who loves funny exaggeration is the basis of funny often.
So I'm just listening from that point of view. But it sounds like maybe that's not quite where
Kristen's coming from with it. It sounds like it's wanting to not lose folks. Yeah. She kind of
answered her question in like within like the statement. I caught onto the piece of you don't want
to lose their attention. And you wonder how like the stories coming across. So I think for me,
it was kind of digging into like the why of that. You know, like if I were to explore that train of
thought, what would it mean if I lost their attention? How bad, I mean, what things get bad? Like,
what is the worst case scenario if I lost their attention or if they just were were this interested?
You know, like does that make sense? Yeah. Yeah. No, it's kind of like that. Like, what's the
worst case scenario if I asked this person on a date? Well, they say, no, I don't implode. I might
feel like I want to implode, but I don't. It's like sitting with that uncomfortableness of
people wandered off while I was talking. Okay. It happens. Yeah. I mean, exactly that. It does.
Like people's attention does wonder. Not when you're talking, Eve, I'm listening. Thanks.
I think it also depends on who's your audience. Because if this is good friends, family,
like no one's there. In fact, I would go on to say even if it was co-workers or people that maybe
in your extended community, generally speaking, no one's there to pick holes in your story or to see
you fail. And I think to Robin's point, everyone does a little bit of embellishing sometimes.
You know, I'm laughing a little bit internally because my husband really can exaggerate some
times. And then I'm there if we're together and he's telling a story and I'm like, babe, babe,
no, it was four hours. And then he loves that. Loves it. Loves it. But yeah, I know how to
yank his chain, as they say. But anyway, somewhat joking, but you know, I don't be too hard on
yourself because this is something pretty much everyone does. And we all have this desire to want to
be interesting and for people to find us entertaining and funny. And that's how we maintain connections
and enjoy ourselves with people. The one thing that I picked up on that you said is I don't,
my intention isn't to cause any harm. And so where I go to with that is this is something one of my
meditation teachers told me and it's tied to the eightfold path, which is a Buddhist approach to
how we show up in the world. And one of them is wise speech. And so what this really speaks to is
is this helpful? Is it true? Does it need to be said? And so you said sometimes you're not aware of
it happening. I think when it comes to the harm piece, if you're adding flavor to a story that
is maybe talking about someone else or highlighting maybe something negative about something, just
you know, this this is maybe a little harmful. It's on. Oh yeah, is it kind as well? And you know,
there's there can be a fine line between taking the Mickey out of someone versus more on the maybe
slightly, let's say, vindictive side. Yeah. And so when you're in a situation like that and you
maybe start to feel that nervousness, like, am I going to lose my attention? Do I need to say
something funny or maybe you're joining in with someone else's commentary about someone and thinking,
hang on, is this kind? Is this true? Is this harmful? Like, and does it need to be said?
Could be a helpful gauge for you. Those are fantastic guardrails. Fantastic. Because it's like
if it's funny and it's not hurting anyone, go big, make it funny. Yeah. I've noticed recently that
when talking to my wife, I'm starting to like out when I'm retelling a story like maybe I'm upset
with someone. I'll drop in something that I wished I had said that makes my argument better. And
as of recently, I've started being like, well, I didn't say that I was thinking that, but it's
along the lines of because I'm like, I don't need to win the war when the argument. And so I'm just
trying to call myself out on it. At first, it felt uncomfortable to call myself out. And then I
was just like, no, I didn't actually say that. And then I just keep moving because I'm just,
you know, it's like, I don't need to make the story bigger or better in that instance. And so that's
why I love your guardrails, Eve, because it's so, that's so clean and so clear with that.
Yeah. And I think to Eve's point about being intentional with our language, the question that
came up for me is, who does this serve? If I am embellishing, how does this serve me and how does
this serve the person that's listening? Yeah. You know, of course, in like the lighter moments,
and I'm like, let me tell you this crazy story on the subway, you know, like, you know, that's one
thing. But I imagine that this is in reference to more, I would guess, serious conversations with
people. And if that's the case, how does it, how does it serve you and how does it serve them?
Well, does it stack the deck? Right? Like, if I'm embellishing the story to my wife and I'm trying
to make her mad at the person I mad at, I'm putting my thumb on the scale by putting in all these
things I didn't actually say. Yeah. So it's like to your point, it doesn't, like, then it's not an
honest conversation. Yeah. It's not real because that's not what really happened. And that's kind of
where my mind went, just wanting to always be aware of that, ensuring that like our, I guess,
being, being intentional with our language in that way, right? So I completely agree with everything
you've said. I think also we often pay more attention to ourselves and other people do.
And I think that goes for everybody. So you're worried about them, you know, not paying attention
in the story when they're probably not even thinking about that at all. They're on their
groceries list. Yeah. That's, that's just something that I try to even remind myself of. You know,
I am paying much more attention to myself than other people are. So nine times out of 10, you
are probably just fine. And, you know, I'm pretty sure your story is great and they're tuned in.
Yeah. You're there critiquing and evaluating yourself. Whereas they probably learn something new.
And so I think when it comes to interactions and communications, if your intention is to share
a funny story, like share in the in the laughter and the joy. And if you add a little flavor to it,
that makes it more funny, great. But if it is that harm piece is sneaking its way in,
just yeah, sense checking and going, you know what, this is not serving me to Corey's point.
And it's almost certainly not going to serve the people listening. Yeah. Well, thank you for your
question, Kristen. Yes. Well, you too, that was just absolutely fantastic. And I just, I'm always
so fascinating at the varied questions that we get. And then the themes that always emerge,
it's just it's so interesting. Yeah, these were really big questions in a sense that
and moving to another country, research, questioning like, what how can I get the things in life
that others have, but still remain true to what I'm passionate about and I care about. And,
and Kristen touching on something, I think everyone will relate to absolutely for and I was thinking,
I actually wrote a course on financial stress and it's in the app, it's a 10 day course. And it
was really based off my own experience of being in a lot of debt and how I manage that. And so I
definitely recommend checking that out. That's fantastic. One excellent suggestion. I didn't even
realize that was in there, Eve. Well played. All right, adding it to my rotation. And now I would like
to take a moment to say thank you to Ann and Risa and Kristen for their questions today. I mean,
we just appreciate y'all being part of our community. And if you are also a part of our community,
you're listening and you have a question that you want to ask under your headspace, all you have
to do is go to say high dot chat slash to your headspace. And then you record your question. It's
as simple as that. The link is in the show notes. And if we do use your question under your headspace,
you're going to get three months of headspace for free. We absolutely love to hear from you.
But now before we all move on to the next thing in our day, we've got some soothing sounds of
downpouring rain in a cabin. As you listen, take these few moments to reflect on the conversation and
everything that you just heard. It's some time to transition from this moment to the next.
So relax and let your mind do whatever it wants to do. And till next time, stay happy, stay healthy,
and be kind to each other.
Dear Headspace is a Headspace Studios original podcast. It's executive produced by Morgan
Celser and Sarah Cohn and produced by Taylor Jennings Brown. It's hosted and produced by Robin
Hopkins, Rosie Acosta, Kessanga Giscome Bay, Dora Kamau, and Eve Lewis Prieto. Post-production by Dan
Crowell, Music by Scott Sorenson and Chris Marguilla. It was developed by Ash Jones, Scott Sorenson,
Robin Hopkins and Baron Farmer, and a special thanks to Danny Kurosome and Colleen Lutz.
