This is an All Ears English podcast, episode 1535 how to nicely tell someone you hate something that they love in English
Welcome to the All Ears English podcast downloaded more than 200 million times.
Are you feeling stuck with your English?
We'll show you how to become Fearless and fluent by focusing on connection, not perfection.
With your American hosts Lindsay McMahon, the English adventurer, and Michelle Kaplan, the New York radio girl.
Coming to you from Colorado and New York City, USA.
And to get real time transcripts right on your phone and create your personalized vocabulary list, try our iOS app.
Start your seven day free trial at allearsenglish.com forward slash bonuses.
Your friend or colleague is a huge fan of something and you tried, but you just don't get it.
How can you respond when they bring it up in a way that doesn't break down the connection?
Find out today.
Do you ever feel like your English is good but not quite where you want it to be?
Maybe you can have conversations but you still hesitate when expressing complex ideas.
Maybe you know what you want to say. but you can't always say it naturally.
If that sounds familiar, our B2 English fluency course was designed for you.
You'll learn how to speak more naturally, express yourself with confidence and finally stop feeling stuck at the intermediate level.
This week, you can save $50 on our basic plan or save $100 on our personal coach plan.
Go to allearsenglish.com slash B2.
That's allearsenglish.com slash letter B number two.
Hey, Lindsay.
How are you?
Hey, Michelle.
I'm feeling good.
Getting warmed up on the mic here.
Feeling good.
Yes.
How are you?
How are you?
How's everything going?
I'm good.
Yeah, I'm good.
Not getting too much sleep lately, but I'm okay.
Oh, man.
Wow.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Two for our listeners who have children, maybe two-year-olds not not easy, right guys?
Yeah yeah, I'm sure some of them do and they know exactly what you're going through.
So yeah yeah exactly, oh my gosh, oh my gosh.
But so I am glad to have this time to record with you Lindsay, it's definitely, it's a lot of fun so, and it tears me away, it gives me a little break, It's a good little escape for you, you know, a chance to kind of just forget, because we don't really have time to be thinking about anything else when we're on the mic.
We have to be present, which is kind of cool.
Yeah, exactly.
Exactly.
I love it.
So anyway, Lindsay, so we did an episode just a I think it was last week, right?
Um, about things being overrated.
And we talked a little bit about that.
And we got into a bit of a discussion about how to use this with social tact, right?
So guys, to listen to really part one of this, go to where it's episode 1531.
And it was called It's Not Worth the Hype.
How to say that something is overrated in English.
So definitely there you can get the background.
So if you haven't listened to that one yet, make sure that you listen to that one along with today's episode.
Yeah, I love that.
On this show, guys, we believe in connection, not perfection.
And we try to give you these skills at that advanced to upper intermediate level, to really get to that level of connection.
This is one of them.
This is a connection skill how to respond when you don't have the same opinion about something as someone else.
It could be a moment where the connection could suffer, right?
We want to save that moment and not let that happen.
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
So it's kind of interesting, because what we're doing is like last one we've taught more vocabulary and we discussed it.
And now, you know, we're really getting we started talking a little bit about the social stuff.
And now really, we're digging into that today and talking about what we can say.
Right.
So it's really it's really good to kind of think about it from.
You know all different perspectives.
Yeah, so it's kind of like we take a few steps in our learning, right?
I mean, we build it out.
First we get the grammar, we get the structure, and then we get into the social connection aspect of it.
So good.
So good.
Michelle, but there is something really big coming, hopefully very, very soon, possibly this week.
Guys, we're recording this a little early, at the end of January, so we don't know the exact launch date of the Android app, but it will be coming very soon.
Are you excited for this Android app?
I am.
I am because I have an Android phone, so I am very excited for this to come out and be able to see the app.
I know you can finally create your personal power list of vocabulary words.
Exactly, exactly.
No, that's really great, guys.
So I know we know you guys have been asking and asking and rightfully so, right?
We want to meet you guys where you want to be.
You know, working on your English on your phones, whether you have an iPhone or an Android.
And so here we go.
Exactly.
I mean on this Android app, guys.
As our iOS users already know, you do get a real time transcript of the episode right on your phone while you listen.
OK, so that's a game changer.
You don't have to get the PDF transcripts anymore.
You don't have to go home, print it out.
You can see it right on your phone on your way to work.
And you get your personal power list.
You can curate your own list of vocab words.
You create your list.
You save it.
It's right there.
Every time you go back to the episodes, it's all in one place.
So cool.
Awesome.
I love it.
So guys, definitely to get on that early exclusive list, right?
Go to allearsenglish.com slash Android.
Yeah, sign up, get on the list.
I will be reaching out to you guys as soon as the app is live.
So get on the list.
Okay, cool.
Michelle, let's get into it.
Okay, so yeah, we were talking about this situation that sometimes comes up, right?
So like what if I mean you think something was overrated, but the other person in the conversation doesn't?
And, in fact, not only do they not think it was overrated, but they love it.
The thing that you think is overrated.
So what do you do?
Does this ever happen to you?
Oh, yeah.
You know what comes up to me in my mind?
Halloween.
Oh, yeah.
Well, we kind of had the same feelings on Halloween.
We do.
And I know your husband really loves Halloween, right?
That's the thing.
Yeah.
And I guess this one's a little more objective because Halloween is just a date on the calendar.
People hopefully won't take it too personally if you say Halloween is overrated.
It's a little different in this one.
It's a little less delicate, let's say.
But yes, this comes up to me all the time for me around Halloween, because I just don't, I don't get it.
Yeah, it's a lot of effort to really do it up.
And I don't know.
Yeah, Lindsay, we're the same on that one.
Yeah, it's just some people.
It's their favorite holiday and they go nuts and they plan their costumes all year.
And I can see why it's fun for kids.
And if I have kids, that'll be fun.
But as an adult, like I could take it or leave it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, I hear you.
I hear you.
I mean, so in these situations where somebody loves something, but you think it was overrated.
So again, maybe not Halloween.
Maybe it was a book, a movie, something like that.
Especially when it's with somebody's taste, right?
You don't want to just like, just like, I don't know, rain on their parade.
You know, you don't want to just like they they're so excited about it and then use it.
Meh.
It's like, you know, you don't want to be that person.
I mean, you want to be honest about your opinions, I think, and it depends on your relationship.
But I think you want to do it in a way that doesn't feel like you're making that person feel silly about their tastes and preferences.
Yeah, but this is a tricky balance because you also want to differentiate and show that you have your own thoughts and opinions, because no one likes like a yes man, right.
Like, yes, I agree with you.
Everything is the same as you say.
No, that's boring.
No one wants to connect with that person, right?
That always agrees with everyone.
So you need to find this balance.
And I love I just want to highlight the expression for our listeners.
You just use Michelle rain on their parade.
That's kind of fun.
That's it means like, you know, it's I think I think it was a song, actually, like a Broadway song.
Yeah.
But so I don't know which came first, the expression of the song.
But anyway, to rain on someone's parade, it's like they're like having a parade.
They're all happy about something.
And then you're the like cloud.
You're the rain that comes and ruins their happiness.
Yeah.
Or what's that expression?
They say like a wet blanket or something.
You know that expression?
Like you just kind of ruin everything and the mood goes down.
I'm not sure if I'm using that one correctly, but rain on their parade is great.
So, yeah, you don't want to do that.
But you at the same time want to say that you don't totally agree.
You have to say what you think.
So what do we do or what should we not do?
Well, here's what not to do.
Here's an example.
Lindsay, you want to go ahead?
Oh, my gosh, Michelle.
I loved that new Jennifer Aniston movie.
What?
Oh, come on, Lindsay.
It was terrible.
What are you thinking?
Oh, my gosh.
So that's pretty insulting because you're really saying you have bad taste.
Right.
Right.
Exactly.
I mean, my intonation was intense.
I added on a what were you thinking?
What are you thinking?
Right.
Yeah.
Very intense.
I clearly had a very strong negative reaction, a negative opinion about it.
And it sounded like I was questioning your judgment, really.
And yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, is there ever a time when it is OK to do this, to be so strong in your reaction?
Yeah, I mean, I think when it's like a very close friend that you have that kind of relationship with, or a relative, somebody whom you have a very open relationship like I could do this with my husband or several friends.
What do you think?
Yeah, I agree with you.
When the person's, you know, not going to feel offended, personally offended.
What do you know the person?
Well, it's fine.
It's fine.
But we're not talking about those relationships.
You know, it's just like, yeah.
Yeah.
We're talking about how to help our listeners get closer to people.
Maybe that they don't know as well.
Right.
Right.
Native English speakers who may be offended if we respond in that way.
Exactly.
So like if you're trying to build a connection with someone you know you want to avoid that kind of response, unless I mean it's possible that you're kind of like met someone out and like they're, they're sarcastic and you're sarcastic.
But if they're being like really genuine about things you don't, you don't want to go down that path.
Yeah, you could sound rude, you might make the person feel subconscious or they might question if you have things in common.
Oh, my God.
And I bet this is could be quite cultural, too.
I'm sure there are some cultures that our listeners are from where it is kind of okay maybe to be more direct and say No, I didn't like that.
You know, so be careful around culture.
You know, what are people's expectations around how you're going to dress up your response?
I think in the U.S. we have a pretty like we're direct in some ways and we're indirect in others.
But in this context, we want to get to know someone.
We do try to support what the person has said and not come back to them and say that was awful.
Right, right, right, right.
Exactly.
I mean, so Lindsay, let's get into it.
Let's get into some strategies.
I mean, the first one is to be specific, right?
So like say specifically what you didn't like.
That doesn't mean you have to say it was an awful plot.
The characters were awful.
I don't mean like that.
Right.
But let's just do an example and talk about it.
Okay, so that book was amazing.
Yeah, there were good parts.
Did you think some of the writing was a little cheesy, though?
Yeah.
Yeah, and I can really see some aspects you put into your response.
Your tone of voice shows your reservations, right?
And you also said though at the end, guys.
That's very strategic and very native, by the way.
Yeah.
So you're like saying but by saying though at the end.
Right.
Is that what you're doing?
Right.
Right.
Right.
Yeah.
So it's like, you know, I'm saying OK like, and then I'm bringing up something that I didn't think was so good, but I'm bringing it up in a nice specific, you know, in a less direct way.
Yeah.
And then you can really see, you know, figure out if you see eye to eye with this person, right?
If they didn't feel like the writing was cheesy at all, you'd be like maybe we're just in different universes or something.
And maybe we shouldn't be friends.
Exactly.
Exactly.
All right.
So that's one strategy.
What's another one, Lindsay?
The Android app is finally coming.
The app is a place where you can store all of the words that you are working on from All Ears English in one place.
Plus you get to see the transcripts in real time right there on your screen while you listen.
Get on the early insider list to be the first to hear when it's ready.
Go to allearsenglish.com forward slash Android. light.
Don't you hate it when you're trying to buy something online and when you finally make all of your selections and get ready to check out, your credit card is nowhere to be found.
When this happens, I love seeing the purple pay button at the top of the checkout, because I know I won't have to dig for my card.
This simple purple button is one of the best features in all of the online shopping world and can make a huge difference in sales for your online business.
Shopify is the e-commerce platform behind millions of businesses around the world and 10 of all e-commerce in the US.
From household names like Skims and Thrive Cosmetics to brands just getting started.
Get the word out like you have a marketing team behind you.
Easily create email and social media campaigns wherever your customers are scrolling or strolling.
Best yet.
Shopify is your e-commerce expert, with world-class expertise in everything from managing inventory to international shipping, to processing returns and beyond.
See fewer carts go abandoned and more sales go... with Shopify and their Shop Pay button.
Sign up for your $1 per month trial today at Shopify.com slash A-E-E.
Go to Shopify.com slash A-E-E.
That's S-H-O-P-I-F-Y.com slash A-E-E.
So find something nice to say.
It reminds me of the old phrase they say when you're in school.
If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.
Right.
Right, right, right.
And this can be a little bit vague.
I mean, so let's let's show let's do two role plays with this one.
So, OK.
All right.
This is the best cake I've ever had.
Yeah, it's definitely chocolatey.
Yeah.
So this is vague.
You're saying it's chocolatey.
Maybe you hate that it's chocolatey.
Maybe you don't hate that it's chocolatey, right?
Yeah, but I probably know that you like chocolate.
So that's why I chose that particular thing to highlight.
So you do have to know the person a little bit.
You know, you could just say that, but that's a good one.
And then what's the second way to do this, Michelle?
Are you ready?
Here we go.
Here we go.
This new album is her best, don't you think?
Yeah, I love the third song on the album.
I still love her older stuff, though.
This is nice.
It's a nice balance.
You're differentiating.
You're showing how you're different.
Your opinion is not what mine is.
But you are kind of agreeing in the beginning on which part you like, which is the third song only.
Exactly.
Exactly.
So yeah, being a little bit vague or being so, I mean it's funny because the first one I say be specific.
And the second one I say, yeah, might be a little bit vague.
But this is even though I said the third song on the album.
So, you know, you have to play with it a little bit.
I mean, you can pick and choose strategies that work for you.
And sometimes it might work for one context that it doesn't work for another one. one.
Yeah.
I mean, it's really an art, right?
You know, it's an art, not a science, guys.
And you have to go with your gut on what's going to connect with that person.
Okay.
Exactly.
Exactly.
And then the third thing is to consider the feedback sandwich.
And we've talked about things like this before.
So, for example, on All Ears English episode 522, we have business English and how to give feedback in American culture.
So that's one thing about feedback.
And what's another one, Lindsay?
So episode 766 is frankly speaking, this is the best way to be honest.
So we have talked a little bit about that feedback sandwich where you say something nice, then you provide the criticism right in the middle as kind of the meat of the hamburger.
And then the bread, the other side of the loaf is something else that's nice.
Common in American business culture.
Oh, sorry.
No, I was just going to say we use this a lot in business culture, American business culture.
Yeah, exactly.
So on these episodes, you can get lots of information on feedback, giving feedback.
So, all right, let's try it out.
So what do you think of this amazing new show, Lindsay?
Hilarious, right?
Yeah.
Yeah, I think overall, it's really funny.
There are parts that are a little dry for me for my taste, though.
So some of the characters are kind of boring, but I'm curious to see where they take the show for sure.
This is so interesting, guys.
There are some key kind of words that kind of cue up my feelings, right?
Yeah.
At the end, I say, but I'm curious to see where they take the show.
For sure, that's agreement, right?
For sure is really emphasizing my agreement that I am excited about it.
Overall is another key word where I'm trying to empathize and agree with you, right?
It's really interesting.
We can dissect this sentence.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Overall.
And for sure.
Yeah.
Kind of.
Right.
Kind of is kind of reducing.
Like you know, you're reducing the fact that you're saying that it's boring.
You're kind of reducing the impact.
Right.
Right.
Right.
Right.
Exactly.
All right.
Should we do another another one?
Yes.
Let's do it.
Okay, this hotel is amazing.
I think it's the best one I've ever stayed at.
Yeah, I love the lobby.
It's so pretty.
You know, the service could be better, I think, but there are some real nice amenities.
Okay, nice.
So you're finding that agreement and then, again, differentiating what you think.
Exactly, exactly.
And then we have one more, you know, role play, one more role play and little strategy.
You know, which we've already kind of touched on a little bit kind of right, which is to use softening language things like kind of sort of pretty not bad a bit, could be better, all right.
So-so things like that right, Lindsay.
Mm-hmm.
Interesting.
Yeah.
The language, how to soften your language.
So good.
I feel like we could do a whole mini series on this concept, Michelle, for our listeners.
I'm sure they're going to love this.
Yeah, really cool.
Okay.
Well, let's just go ahead and show our listeners how we do it in this role play.
So, all right.
So did you finally try the soup at the restaurant I was telling you about?
Yeah, I did.
And?
Yeah, it was pretty good.
Not bad.
I thought it was sort of salty, but it was all right.
Okay, so that's one.
So I realize we have two.
Yeah, we have two.
Okay.
All right.
Go ahead, Michelle.
All right.
So well, in the first one, you know, you said, I said, it was pretty good, not bad.
I thought it was sort of salty, but it was all right.
So tons of softening language there, right?
Tons of pretty good, sort of salty, you know, very good.
Yeah.
Lots of softening language.
And then in the second one, we could show our listeners.
All right.
So you finished the book.
What'd you think?
Incredible, right?
Yeah, pretty good.
I liked it, but some parts could have been better.
I think overall it was good.
Thanks for the suggestion.
I just find this scenario kind of funny, just when someone loves something and then the other person is like I just didn't get it.
It's just it's kind of a weird mismatch of taste and people collide in their opinion.
It's just fascinating.
I don't know.
Yeah.
Actually, I just had this happen.
So I just the other day, I a movie came out of a book I had read.
And I forgot that it was like one of my favorite books ever.
And I forgot that my friend wrote to me like, should I watch the movie?
Like, can we get our relationship back?
And I forgot that she had read the book and didn't like it.
And we like have been joking about it for a while.
That's so funny.
I love that.
Yeah.
That's so good.
Well, in this piece, what did we use to soften the language here?
I said pretty, I added pretty again, which again, that's a key softening term, right?
Pretty good.
Some parts could have been better, right?
Could have been.
Yeah.
Yeah, I think right again.
And I could also say could have been better, but that would have made it stronger if it's without adding, I think.
Right.
So it just depends on what degree of softening you want to do, guys.
Exactly.
Exactly.
Oh, my gosh, there there is so much here we could go on and on.
But yeah, guys, so we gave you a bunch of strategies today.
I think we gave you four specific strategies.
You know, And like we said, you can, I mean, this is the takeaway for today.
I mean, you can mix and match what works for you.
Because some of these were kind of similar to each other, but some of them were kind of different.
So we gave you some strategies about how you can be honest in these awkward conversations so that you don't break that connection, especially when you're just getting to know someone.
Exactly.
I love it, guys.
Keep the connection, build the connection.
In some ways, you could use this as a moment to strengthen the connection.
You see, you don't exactly see eye to eye on things, but then you explore that with the person.
Oh, how do you look at this?
Why do you look at this this way?
It's the beginning of a conversation, not the end if you respond in the right way.
Exactly.
Exactly.
Oh, I love it.
This is this has been really interesting.
So yeah, guys, thank you for listening.
Let us know how it goes for you.
And remember to get on our list so that you find out about the Android app at allearsenglishcom slash Android.
Yes, it's so exciting.
Guys, make sure you get on that list.
Again, it's allearsenglish.com slash Android.
I'll be emailing you as soon as the app is available.
So get ready.
All right.
Very good.
Very good stuff today, Michelle.
I'll talk to you soon.
All right.
Bye, Lindsay.
Bye.
Thanks for listening to all ears English.
Would you like to know your English level?
Take our two minute quiz.
Go to allearsenglish.com forward slash fluency score.
And if you believe in connection, not perfection, then hit subscribe now to make sure you don't miss anything.
See you next time.
