Being a human being can be embarrassing.
It can be awkward.
It can be uncomfortable.
And like most people, I don't like these feelings.
I like feeling cool and funny and chill.
I like laughing and having fun and hanging out.
I don't like feeling embarrassed.
I don't like feeling awkward.
I don't think anybody does.
I've spent, like my entire life, trying to figure out how to take those types of situations that evoke those unfavorable emotions and hack them to make them more pleasant.
Okay, I'm talking about taking an embarrassing situation and turning it into a funny situation.
I'm talking about taking an awkward situation and turning it into a wholesome experience.
Taking an uncomfortable situation and turning it into a bonding experience.
Not a bondage experience with sex and ropes.
A bonding experience where something's uncomfortable for two people and then the two people get through it together and at the other end of that they've bonded.
That's what I'm talking about.
And I think I'm pretty good at it, but there's always room for improvement.
And so today I thought we'd sit down and go through some common uncomfortable awkward, embarrassing situations that we all face.
And if you haven't faced them yet, you will eventually.
And try to figure out the best way to handle them for the best, most positive result possible.
Thank you so much for having me.
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Now back to the episode.
Uncomfortable situation number one, ending a conversation with someone at a social event.
Let me set the scene.
You're at a work event, okay?
There's some people you know really well, perhaps your close work friends that you see every day.
Maybe you eat lunch with them.
You're very comfortable with them socially.
But there's also some people there that you're not as close to.
And having a conversation with them is nice, but you don't really know how to handle it because you don't really know this person.
The conversation is naturally a little bit less enjoyable, a little bit more tense, because you're still kind of figuring this person out.
Now, I'm the type of person who at a social event is pretty outgoing.
I'm down to talk to whoever.
However, if I'm talking to somebody that I'm not super familiar with, I might, at a certain point, reach my limit.
I'm exhausted from trying to read the other person and I'm exhausted from trying to create conversation with somebody that I don't really know.
So I'm like... kind of shooting into the dark.
I don't even really know what I'm saying to this person.
Is this conversation even relevant to this person and their personality?
Are the things that I'm bringing up interesting to them?
Perhaps they're not really a conversationalist, so I'm kind of carrying, I'm bearing the weight of it.
At a certain point, I get exhausted and I'm like, I can't do this anymore.
I need to get out.
This is not a fun situation.
I think we all know this feeling when you're like, I'm done with this conversation.
I don't have the energy for it anymore.
This person might be wonderful, but I've expended my energy with this particular person.
I have to go away.
Now, at a social event where you're in a confined area, it's very challenging to find an out.
Am I going to just say, all right, I got to go.
It was nice to talk to you.
That could work.
But then where are you going to go?
You know, like you're in a confined space and there's no assignment of what you're supposed to be doing.
You're in a confined space.
They can see where you walk to.
So if you're like, oh, I got to go.
And then you like go and walk to like a different corner of the room.
That's that's kind of awkward.
Yeah.
You could say that you're going to get a drink, but number one.
You have to actually go up to the bar and wait in that line now.
Number two, everyone knows that that's like the go-to out for a conversation.
Like when I'm talking to somebody at a social event of sorts and they're like, oh, I'll be back.
I have to go get a drink.
I know it's because they don't want to talk to me anymore. what, what's the other option?
I don't even know.
Is there any other option?
Not really.
You can be honest and say, I'm going to go chat with somebody else.
I don't like, how do you even say that?
How do you even say that?
How do you even say Oh, you know, it was really nice to talk to you, but I got to go in the middle of a conversation.
Like that's really hard to pull off.
That almost never works.
The excuse method being like, I'm gonna go get a drink or whatever.
That's probably the best option, but even that's a little bit uncomfortable.
Is there something that we've yet to discover?
The first thing that comes to mind for me is like attacking it with honesty.
If there's a little lull in the conversation being like, you know what?
My social battery is low.
I'm gonna go sit in a corner for a little bit and be as quiet as possible and I'll see you around.
It's kind of a funny option.
I actually kind of like that one.
I like that one because it's more honest than being like I'm gonna go get a drink when really you're just going to get a drink to get out of the conversation.
But it also is a little bit like, maybe a little insulting to the person being, like my social battery's drained.
I can't talk to you anymore because you're draining me.
Like that might be kind of rude, but I do like the honesty of it.
You can't lie.
There have been situations where I've wanted to lie and be like, oh, I'm actually leaving right now.
Bye.
Can't do that because people can see if you're leaving or not.
Um, I think the best option out of what we've brainstormed just now is either number one just go with the classic and say I'm going and getting a drink.
And I think if you follow through with it and actually go get a drink, that's pretty solid.
Unless the person's like, well, can I come with?
You can't say no to that.
So now you've just extended this issue a little bit longer.
You know now they're at the bar with you, but at least you have an activity that you're doing together.
And it's not just like you're standing there grasping at straws, trying to make conversation.
And then at the end of that, then you have to come up with another excuse.
Then what?
Well, then I think you have to go to the other option, which is, you know what?
My social battery is so drained.
I'm going to go sit in a corner.
But it was so nice to see you.
Make a joke out of it.
Boom.
You're out.
And it doesn't mean that the other person is a bad conversationalist necessarily, or that we don't like the other person.
It just might not be flowing.
Although I actually haven't used the social battery excuse.
I usually say I'm going to go get a drink, to be honest. but I don't really like it.
It works.
It works.
But maybe I'll try the other one and see how it lands.
And maybe I'll offend somebody.
Maybe I'll get punched in the jaw and I'll report back and let you guys know.
Number two, this might not be awkward for everybody, but this is so awkward for me.
Imagine this.
It's your birthday, and one of your friends decides to take you out for lunch.
After lunch, your friend says, hey, wait, come to my trunk of my car.
I have something for you.
They have a gift for you.
How sweet.
In the parking lot of the restaurant, they hand you the gift, and they say, okay.
I hate to do this, but I want to see you open it.
Can you open it?
Fear fills your body.
You start sweating a little bit because you want to make sure that your reaction is sufficient, makes the person giving you the gift feel good.
But you also don't want to overdo it.
But also, depending on who you are, faking it is incredibly challenging.
There's a lot of anticipation that goes into opening a gift in front of the person who gave it to you, especially if you're not super close with them.
Maybe it's your boss.
Maybe it's your crush.
I don't know.
What do you do?
Regardless of how you feel about the gift, the reaction kind of has to be the same.
If somebody put the time and effort into getting you a gift, you need to be excited, no matter what.
No matter if you love it or if you hate it.
It doesn't matter, okay?
Now, one option is to say, oh my God, I can't open gifts in front of people.
I like get so awkward and I turn red and stuff.
That's one option, but that's kind of disrespectful because this person's giving you a gift.
And so, you know, it's polite to open in front of them if they want you to.
The other option is to just open the damn thing.
But then what?
Are you supposed to scream in excitement?
Oh my God, I can't believe it.
This is amazing.
Well, that's too much.
You could also open it and be like, well, this is super nice.
Thank you so much.
But that can sometimes not feel like enough.
But what's the happy medium?
And are you going to be able to figure it out in the moment?
I think the best way to handle this situation is as follows.
As I'm talking through it, I've come to my conclusion.
If you're somebody who gets psyched out by opening a gift in front of somebody, I think what you do is preface before you open the gift and say I'm warning you, I get so awkward and so nervous when I open gifts in front of people.
So if you think my reaction is weird, have no fear.
It's because I'm being weird.
Like I get awkward and bashful and nervous when I open a gift.
So just don't judge my reaction.
Like I'm going to love it no matter what it is.
So just like don't judge me.
That already like breaks the ice.
Now it's like there's an understanding of I feel weird opening gifts.
I hate it.
It makes me uncomfortable.
That relieves the pressure for everybody involved.
Then you open it and you're like, oh my God, I love it.
It's amazing.
And then you can be like, how did I do?
You can make another joke about it.
How did I do?
How was my reaction?
Rate my reaction out of 10.
Now, to some people, this might sound a bit narcissistic.
As I'm explaining it, as I'm saying it, it does sound kind of narcissistic to be like wait rate my reaction to your gift out of 10.
Like it then deflects the attention from the gift to you being like, wait, how's my reaction?
But I do think it's kind of funny and cheeky.
So perhaps that's the best way to handle it.
I don't know.
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Next.
Oh God, this is just the worst.
When you spill or drop food in front of people.
The last time this happened to me, I was at my hot yoga studio and I was walking through the lobby and I had butter fingers, if you will, and I dropped my coffee on the floor.
Now, I usually don't bring a coffee to yoga i usually just bring like my stanley cup with my electrolytes on this particular occasion i had gone to the dentist i'm giving you way too much of a backstory i went to the dentist before yoga and on the way to yoga from the dentist i was like fuck it i have some time to kill i'm gonna get a little coffee so i got a little coffee in a plastic cup flimsy whatever and i was walking through the lobby and i dropped my coffee on the floor spilled everywhere and What's the best way to handle it?
Well, I will explain in detail what I did and we can analyze it and decide if it can be improved upon.
The first thing I did, if I remember correctly, was I looked at the staff of the yoga studio because they watched it happen.
And I was like, oh my God, I have really made a mess here, haven't I?
And I'm so sorry.
What can I do?
I was like, because they had a mop and I was like, can I please help?
And they were like, no, Emma, it's fine.
Like, walk away.
We got this handled.
And I was like, no, let me help.
And they were like, no, we can clean it up.
It'll take three seconds.
I was like, I am so sorry.
It won't happen again.
And I kind of made light of it.
I thanked them profusely for like 20 minutes for the rest of the day.
Actually, for that matter, I thanked them profusely before the class started.
And then after the class started, I brought it up again and thanked them again.
And to be honest, I actually didn't feel that uncomfortable.
I think the worst way to handle it, and I've seen this happen before, is like getting upset.
I've seen that happen a lot.
Like people drop their food, they drop their drink or whatever, and they're like, fuck.
That's more embarrassing because it's more of like an emotionally extreme reaction to immediately react with some sort of like oh no what.
I think it's better to be like, whoops, like just make light of it.
Everybody around you is going to react to your reaction.
You're setting the tone.
And so if you set the tone and it's chill, then the whole thing's chill.
But if you react upset and intense, then the whole situation becomes intense. intense.
It becomes serious.
Do you know what I mean?
I will say, though if you drop something that you really were excited about like if you just got an ice cream cone and you take your first lick out of it and you push the ice cream cone over onto the ground to be sad about, that is valid.
That type of shit makes me so upset.
But I think even then it can be like, oh my God, I'm heartbroken.
And then you can make a funny joke out of it.
You can take a selfie with your ice cream cone that fell over or whatever.
Make light of it.
Okay, next.
Waving at somebody who wasn't waving at you.
Let me set the scene.
You're walking through the airport.
It's a busy afternoon.
And you're looking through the sea of people and you notice in the distance a hand waving at you.
Perhaps you're expecting to meet somebody at your gate.
Perhaps they're so far away that you can't really tell who it is or whatever.
So you wave back.
And then upon closer inspection, you realize, I don't know that person.
And then you turn around and lo and behold, there is a person behind you waving back at the person that now you realize you don't recognize.
Very awkward.
Now, if you look around and realize, wait a minute, they didn't notice.
What I think the best thing to do is put that arm down and say, you know what?
It happens to the best of us and just move on and forget about it as quickly as possible.
However, if they did notice, I think the best option is to be like, is to...
Try to make a joke with them about it.
You look at the person who is waving at the person behind you and you're like, oh, not for me.
Like you point at yourself and you're like oh, you point at yourself and you're like shaking your head, and you're like not for me.
And then you're shaking your head and you're like, oh, not for me.
Oh, whoops.
And then you're like, sorry.
And you can put your hands up and then you're like, and then you can maybe even like block your face as a joke and like walk away.
Super funny.
Super funny.
If the person behind you caught you waving at the person that they're waving at you could be like wow, I really felt special for that little moment.
You win.
Walk away.
A little joke, a little joke.
If you can even swing making a joke, but that's what I would do.
And I actually don't think there's any other way to handle it.
You got to just make a joke out of that.
You could in that situation almost always just be like, oh, not for me.
Put your arm down, walk away.
And like, be like, who cares?
You're never going to see those people again.
Who cares?
But if you're like, I need to diffuse this.
Like they really caught me.
They caught me waving.
This is, I'm really, I'm really awkward.
That's an opportunity and an invitation for a silly joke.
Next, when you're at dinner with a bunch of friends perhaps people you're not like best friends with, but friends and there's one bite of food left on a dish that you really want.
Perhaps this dinner is family style, which is very common.
You know somebody, the foodie of the table, orders a bunch of food for everybody and everybody's, you know, filling their plates, picking what they want, whatever.
Towards the end of it, there's a dish with one little morsel of something left.
And you know, not everybody cares about getting that last morsel, but a lot of us do.
There's something about that last little morsel that looks like it's going to taste better than every other morsel that you ate that day.
And nothing sounds worse than the waiter coming by and taking the plate with that last beautiful morsel on it back to the kitchen to go straight into the garbage.
So you want that morsel.
But how do you figure out if it's okay to take it?
Now, the obvious option is to be like, who's taking this last morsel?
I don't know why I'm calling it a morsel.
But that is kind of what it is.
It is a morsel if you think about it.
You know, the obvious thing to do is be like, who wants this last bit?
Like, listen, I'll take it.
I'll take it.
If no one else, if no one else wants it, but like somebody needs to honestly take it because I can't be the last one to have it.
Like somebody please take it.
And then when no one takes it, you eat it and you love every second.
Do you also just not touch it?
Just leave it alone and forget about it?
That's another option.
It's sad because if you see that morsel get taken back to the kitchen to be thrown away, that's a bummer.
That's a waste.
That's sad.
I mean, I think the best option is to be like okay, can we address the elephant in the room, this morsel that's been left by all of us, that we all refuse to talk about.
Here it is.
Can somebody have a fucking spine and eat it?
Or else I want to eat it.
You know, last call.
Last call for this morsel.
I think communication is key, to be honest.
Because it's just a shame for it to go to waste and it's a shame for no one to eat it.
And I really do think that we should like end the stigma around the last morsel, okay?
It needs to be talked about in the open.
You know, I'm sick of everybody feeling a certain type of way about the last morsel.
But then here's what's awkward.
What if you offer up the morsel and somebody's like, all right, fine, I'll take it.
Then you didn't get to eat it.
That does suck.
But that's the risk you have to take.
Because the other option is, well, see, here's the other option.
You could, if you see that last morsel there on the plate, take it for yourself.
Don't even say a word about it.
It's family style dinner.
It's up for grabs.
Nobody can get mad at you for taking it, but they might talk about you behind your back.
See, that is something that I feel like certain people would be like.
Yeah, I went out to dinner with her and she took the last bite.
It was like, okay, doesn't everybody know that you're not supposed to take that?
There is a risk of that.
I think communication is key.
Although I do hate the stigma around like somebody wanting to take the last bite if it's there and nobody's touched it yet.
Like somebody's got to take it.
First come, first serve.
So, I mean, listen, if you don't care what other people think about you, just take it.
Who cares?
If you do bring it up you might lose the morsel that you've been, that you were so excited about eating, but at least it's been resolved.
Moving on.
Stalking somebody on Instagram and then accidentally liking an old picture.
What do you do? chances are they saw the notification.
They saw that you liked.
Here's what I would do, to be honest.
I would block the person for 24 hours.
I don't even know if that would work.
Wait.
But you can't do that because then, if they follow you or like, there's different ways to handle it.
Let's say you're stalking your significant other's ex and you don't follow the ex and they don't follow you and you accidentally, like something, block them immediately.
Block them for 24 hours.
I'm not even kidding.
That's what I would do.
I would literally just block.
I would block.
They click on the account.
Oops, doesn't show up.
And then 24 hours later, unblock.
Is that unhinged?
That's where my head goes.
I'm not kidding.
That's like actually what I think I would do.
Cause maybe that would make the notification go away.
I don't know that that's true, but you could do that.
Obviously you're going to unlike it immediately, but like another thing you could do is you could start a new friendship.
You could DM them and say, I was stalking.
No, you can't do that.
You can't do that.
Cause there's actually a chance that they didn't see the notification.
And then it seems weird that you're like in their DM.
And the block method does seem extra.
I mean, to be honest, I think the best method is to just own it.
We all stalk each other.
Like if it ever comes up, if anyone ever is like.
I found out you were stalking, like your significant other's ex, because they said so.
And they said that they saw you like, be like, yeah, and you've done the exact same thing.
And I bet the ex is stalking me.
Like, this is how this works.
Yes, I was stalking.
Like, of course I was.
You're doing the same thing.
That's kind of delish.
Because the chances are you're not going to get confronted on it.
But if for some reason you ever did, you could be like, yeah, everyone does that.
Why are we still pretending like we're not?
Like owning it and being like, why are we making a thing out of this?
It's like not a big deal.
I was stalking because that's like normal.
And it's fun.
And I want to see what the ex is doing.
And I want to see if it seems like the ex is having more fun than me.
And it seems like they are.
And it hurts.
But maybe that's why I subconsciously liked.
Because I was like, good for you.
Ex, you're having fun.
No, but you get what I'm saying.
I actually think that's the power move is to just let it go.
Unlike it, obviously, you don't have to keep the like, oh my God, it'd be so fun.
Wait, how fun would it be if it became a thing to like if you accidentally like somebody's post that you shouldn't be liking, right?
Instead of unliking it immediately and running away, you commented and said I'm going to be honest, I was stalking LOL.
That's iconic.
Yeah.
That's iconic.
If somebody did that to me, I mean, I would be obsessed.
I will say though, this type of situation doesn't really happen to me, because I have an Instagram page that has no posts on it.
Okay.
It's literally empty blank page that I use just to stalk people because I don't want to like on accident.
That's extra, but it's not even like a Finsta.
It's literally just an account that has nothing wiped, blank.
I just use it to.
Well, the thing is I don't really scroll on Instagram anymore, so I don't really use it anymore.
I used to use it when I loved scrolling on Instagram because I never wanted to like something on accident.
And we know...
As we all do, I stalk every ex I've ever had sometimes.
I stalk every old friend I've ever had sometimes.
We stalk people that we don't want them to know that we're stalking sometimes.
I do that.
So to avoid anyone finding out, I fully had a finsta to get out of that.
So that I could just stalk in peace, you know?
But I've never liked a photo.
Well, actually, I like my own photos on that account.
Boosting engagement.
Can you blame me?
I've never left a comment.
Never.
It's literally a blank page just so that I can stalk and not worry about this exact thing happening.
So that's also another method you could use.
Make a fake account for stalking.
But that is so extra.
Like, I shouldn't have even done that.
I did that a long time ago.
In my defense.
You know, like years ago, when I used to be an avid scroller, probably wouldn't do that now.
But yeah, I mean, you could make a fake account to avoid that forever.
It's not even a fake account.
But see, I do think that, like the concept of having a fake account where your name or face is not attached to me, it does have like a devious undertone.
For me, it doesn't because I don't use it.
Like I don't comment.
I don't do anything.
But the fact that you could to me feels devious and weird.
I don't know.
The vibe of having... I don't like that I have that account is what I'm trying to say.
It feels gross to me because even though I don't use it for wrong, I could.
And I don't like that feeling.
I don't like feeling like I have this account where I could comment on my own photo and be like you are the sexiest woman alive.
Or I could comment on somebody else's photo and be like, I don't like that outfit.
Like I would never do that.
But the fact that like, does that make sense?
And I just don't like that.
And I know people do do that.
Half the time when I get a hate comment, I click the account and it's like somebody's Finsta, you know, or it's somebody, or it's like the username is a bunch of numbers and letters and there's, and they have like five followers.
You know, that's how I swear.
That's majority of the hate comments are from those types of accounts.
Um, And, you know, some would argue that they're bots.
I don't really know.
They could also just be Finstas like mine.
But what was I saying?
Yeah, well, that prevents the fear of stalking and liking on accident.
So, I mean, you know, it's an option.
But I actually really love the idea of like commenting and being like oops, was stalking accidentally, liked gonna leave it.
Hi.
That's funny.
Somebody should, people should start doing that.
Maybe it doesn't make sense in every scenario, but I think that's fun.
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Okay, next.
When someone tries to talk shit with you about someone that you like.
Perhaps you have a mutual friend with somebody and you're actually closer with the mutual friend than you are with the other person, right?
The other person tries to start talking shit about your mutual friend.
Perhaps you don't agree with what they're saying, or perhaps you just don't feel comfortable with participating because you know it's going to get back to your friend, or How do you handle that?
How the fuck do you handle that?
I'm a people pleaser.
So I have been known in the past.
For if, like somebody were to come to me and say, like this person did this.
Can you believe that?
Like, that is so rude.
Even if it's about somebody I am fond of.
There have been times where I have not had the social skills to know how to handle that.
And so I've just agreed and been like, oh my God, that's crazy.
Wait, why would that?
That's so bad.
Ew, ew, you know?
And I've just fed into it.
More recently, I'd say my default is to just listen and not say anything back.
Now some people would say that that's rude, because if I'm friends with somebody or whatever, I should stand up for the mutual friend and be like hey, you shouldn't be talking that way about them.
However, I also understand how humans work.
And I understand if, let's say, somebody comes to me and is like, this person's pissing me off.
And I think their style has been shit recently.
And Like they look bad and they're ugly.
It can be tough to be like, well, that's rude.
It's probably the right thing to do, but like that can be hard.
And I think my default tends to be like well, you know, maybe you guys shouldn't be friends anymore.
Like that's the approach I tend to take is like, Why are you still friends?
It doesn't seem like y'all got a good vibe anymore.
Or if somebody's talking shit about say, our mutual friend's behavior, I might be like well, I guess I'll need to pay attention to that.
I haven't noticed that, but I'll pay attention.
Neutral statements.
Neutral statements.
Staying quiet.
Saying the least amount possible.
That's probably the least uncomfortable option.
However, is it the right option?
I don't know because again, some people would argue that's being like a bystander of somebody saying something mean about your friend and that's not morally right.
However, if somebody was talking shit about me behind my back, would I expect someone I'm close to to be like hey, that's not nice.
No, not necessarily.
Like, as long as they don't agree with what the person's saying, I'm okay with them, just humoring them and being like eh, whatever.
And maybe letting me know that they said that.
I would be fine with my friends making neutral statements.
Therefore, I would feel okay doing that.
And I think it's the least awkward option.
Okay, next.
This one requires me to paint a picture.
So let me paint a picture.
You met someone online, perhaps because you have a cake baking business and someone DMs you and says hey, I'd love to buy one of your cakes.
It's my brother's birthday coming up.
And one thing leads to another.
And you actually start chatting with this person and becoming friends with them.
And on the day of the cake retrieval it's kind of weird because it's like wait a minute, this is my friend now.
It started out as something kind of professional, like, you know, I was going to get this cake.
And the interaction originally would have been pretty simple.
You know, you go and pick up the cake, give the money, say thank you and walk away.
There's no hug.
There's no handshake.
There's no nothing.
Maybe a handshake, maybe if it makes sense.
But like, maximum exchange is like a handshake and a thank you.
And then that's the end of it.
But due to the nature of the internet and how we all meet each other in unusual ways these days, you start chatting it up and you become friendly.
Maybe you talk every day to the point where you genuinely feel like you're friends, but you haven't met yet.
On the day to go pick up the cake, what the fuck are you supposed to do?
Go in for a handshake or go in for a hug?
Handshake might feel sterile, might even feel standoffish.
Hug, on the other hand, might not be cool with the other person.
They might not like hugs.
Not everyone likes hugs.
In fact, I'm somebody who doesn't always like a hug.
I will always hug.
Somebody wants to hug me, I will hug.
But that doesn't mean I like it.
I like it, but not always.
There are like little times where I feel sometimes I can get a bit maybe irritable or very rare.
I mean not that often, but like we all have moments where we're stressed or we're irritable and like a hug.
No, thanks.
You know however, I do tend to go in for the hug more often than not personally, even though weirdly, I prefer a handshake.
Like I'd rather it just be the standard that we all handshake, but I always am afraid of coming off cold.
So if I feel like somebody is giving hug energy, like I'll be like, hug?
Come on, I'm a hugger.
You know what they all say.
But it's very awkward and it's very intimidating trying to figure out what the decision is.
Now I honestly think the most foolproof way to handle it is to make light of the fact that this is the dilemma that everyone experiences.
Walk up and say, are we doing a handshake or a hug?
Can we just rip off the fucking bandaid?
What are we doing?
What are we doing?
What do you want?
If they're like, I don't know, what do you want?
Be like, you know what?
Let's start with handshake.
And if we ever see each other again, then we hug.
But we don't know each other like that yet.
Or if you're like, come on, we've been talking every day, maybe a hug.
And then if they're like, fuck yeah, I love a hug.
Boom, now you're hugging.
Problem solved.
Is communication key in this situation too?
Perhaps so, perhaps so.
The other option is to just let it go and let it happen.
A lot of us feel like we need to plan these things.
Like, okay, am I gonna go in for the hug?
Am I gonna go in for the handshake?
And then that leads to like all this tension.
And then in the moment you freeze up and you do something weird or awkward or whatever.
The other option is to go with the flow.
Don't think about it beforehand.
Show up and just read the situation for what it is.
What do they do?
Do they go in for the hug?
Do they go in for the handshake?
Do they go in for nothing?
Let them sort of dictate the situation or go with your gut.
If you're like, okay, I'm getting hug energy.
Fuck it.
We hug.
I think the first and last option are the best.
Yeah.
Either lay it all out on the table or don't even fucking think about it and just see what happens.
Next awkward situation.
I'm going to paint another picture for you.
You're walking down the street in a city.
Okay.
Perhaps that's San Francisco.
Perhaps that's New York.
And you bump into someone you know.
You have a decent chat and then it's time to part ways.
Somebody's like oh, I got to catch the subway, or you know, I got a meeting I'm going to, but it was so good to see you.
You're walking in the same direction.
What do you do?
What the fuck do you do?
I usually, in this type of situation, try to see where the other person, what direction they're walking first, and then I'll go the other way.
Like I will fully wait.
Like if I just had an interaction like that, like, all right, got to go.
I will literally stand there and say, all right, see ya.
And I'll like go on my phone for a second install or just stand there until I figure out what direction they're going.
And then I go the opposite direction so that we don't, I don't have to deal with that.
I fully will do that.
And that avoids all awkwardness.
It avoids the whole thing altogether.
But what if you already are walking in the same direction as the other person?
Then what?
What if you're already walking side by side?
Well, again, I think this is an invitation for humor.
You got to be like, well, this is everyone's worst nightmare.
Look, we're going the same direction.
What now?
I was like you know you could be like anything else you want to talk about, or we obviously have some time.
We're going the same direction.
What else could we talk about?
That could be kind of funny.
Or you could be like, you know what?
I'm going to save us both the trouble.
I'm going to turn around.
I'm going to go the other way.
That's kind of rude, though.
Don't do that.
I don't like that one, actually.
I think the best option moving forward is that we should all let the other person just walk away first.
But then there is an awkwardness of what happens if the other person also is going to wait to see where you go.
Then what?
Well, you could be like, oh, which way are you going?
You could ask the other person.
If they're like, not moving, if they're kind of trying to see where you're going and you're trying to say oh, which way are you going?
They could be like, oh, I'm going this way.
Okay, perfect.
I'm going this way.
Well, see ya.
And it doesn't matter if you're going the other way.
I think that's the answer.
Think ahead.
Think ahead so that you don't even get to the point where you're walking in the same direction.
That's the move.
Next uncomfortable situation.
In every relationship friendship romantic, whatever there's a period of time in the beginning where you don't know how to talk to each other.
If you know that you want to be friends, if you know that you're going to be close, if you know you want to go on another date, if you know you have to get over that hump right.
Somebody that you see at the holiday Christmas party once a year and you have no interest in having a relationship outside of that.
Like that person, you don't need to get over that hump.
You can small talk for a second and like, you know, say my social battery is low.
I'm gonna go sit in the corner or I'm gonna go get a drink and then get out of it.
When you really want to have a relationship with somebody, you have to get through the awkward stage of like not really knowing how to be around somebody comfortably, not really knowing how to just talk freely.
Because it takes time to understand the other person.
Understand your humor together, understand your relationship together.
It just takes time.
And so there's this awkward phase of tension where things just aren't quite flowing yet.
And I think a lot of times people drink alcohol in these situations.
You know, you go on a date, you get a little wine drunk.
You know, you're hanging out with a new group of friends.
You guys are going out to a party and you're all drinking together.
Like nothing brings people together like alcohol.
But I'm at a place now in my life where I don't drink.
I've been sober for a year or a little under a year maybe, I don't know, a year.
And like, I can't rely on that anymore.
And I really relied on that.
So what do you do during that awkward phase in a new sort of relationship, romantic or platonic if you don't have alcohol?
This is the one that's stumping me the most, to be honest.
It's just, I actually don't know if this one's avoidable.
I mean, I think the only way to make this feel less awkward uncomfortable, maybe not embarrassing, but like maybe at times a little bit embarrassing, is to take the person off the pedestal.
I think sometimes we can put potential relationship prospects on a pedestal, and that's what makes things tense.
They're so like attractive or this or that.
And then that can make us sort of feel tense.
And then once we see through that and we're like, wait a minute, they're just a normal person.
Who cares?
The walls come down.
So perhaps it's a matter of like mindset shifting, being like, you know what?
I know that at some point I'm going to realize that this person is a normal human being and that they don't really need to be on a pedestal.
Perhaps they're wonderful, but they don't need to be on a pedestal and they don't need to be making me nervous.
They're another human being.
They're also nervous.
I just need to let it go.
But like, that's hard.
You know, perhaps the other thing you could do is, again, communicate, make a joke about it.
This is awkward.
This is weird.
We don't really know each other that well.
It's weird.
But see, that can sometimes make things weirder.
Do you know what I mean?
To address your current social situation while you're in it.
It can at times be a really good icebreaker and at times kind of be like too meta.
It's like, relax.
Just like talk about it.
Do you know what I mean?
Hmm.
I think the best way to handle it is to find confidence in yourself, going into it so that no matter how the other person is feeling, no matter what they're doing, no matter whatever, you're confident.
You are kind of laissez-faire.
And so then you're setting the tone, which is low pressure and chill and relaxed.
It's a hard thing to do because it's intimidating to hang out with somebody new.
Even if you have amazing confidence, it can still be really intimidating.
It's almost like if you go into it being like, you know what, I don't really care what happens.
I'm not trying to be cool.
I don't really care if they like me.
I'm just going to do my best and show up and be myself.
It's almost like then you actually embarrass yourself less.
It's less awkward and it's less uncomfortable.
The other thing you could do honestly is think about what you're going to talk about beforehand too.
If you have a few ideas of like what you could talk about before hanging out some topics that you both are interested in, then you have something to fall back on and that might ease your mind too, so that you're not like feeling like, oh God, what if I get stuck?
And then it's like a self-fulfilling prophecy, where you're like super afraid of getting stuck in the conversation and things getting quiet or awkward.
It's like if you have a plan beforehand and you're like you know what if conversation starts to lull.
I'll ask this person about this.
I'll ask them about that.
If you have like a list of five things, you probably won't even need to use those things, because that will relieve your anxiety enough or that'll relieve the pressure enough that you can actually just have a chill convo, you know.
And like you're not overthinking it, and it is naturally just not embarrassing, awkward or uncomfortable.
Yeah, maybe it's like figuring out a way to hack your brain so that you're not nervous or you're not anxious, or you don't really care how it turns out.
You can take the other person off the pedestal.
And then eventually that'll happen naturally.
I mean, maybe it's just inevitable.
When you first meet somebody, it's going to be a little bit weird, but eventually it will pass.
It always does.
Maybe that's just an inevitable part of a new human relationship, perhaps.
Okay, next one's tough.
This is a tough one, okay?
Being in a social setting and somebody coming up to you and saying, oh my God, it's so good to see you.
And you scanning the archives of your brain and having no recollection of ever meeting this particular person.
That sucks.
It's not a fun one, okay?
Especially if they're like bringing up like, oh my God, remember when we did this?
And you're like, what?
Like, oh remember we were in like fourth grade math together and we had this teacher and you sat next to me and you're like, wait what?
I can't even remember that.
Listen, I think it depends on what industry you're in.
Like certain industries, it also depends on like what kind of school you are at, right?
Like if you went to a massive school, there's gonna be people you don't remember.
If you work in an industry that's very social, there's a lot of people.
You meet a lot of people all the time.
You're not going to remember everyone you meet.
I remember everyone from my high school, for the most part not by name necessarily, but at least by face, because I went to a really small school.
In my industry, though, I meet so many different people all the time, constant, constant, constant.
And there are times when I don't remember them.
I remember 98%, but there are like weird blips in memory where I'm like, I just don't remember.
Maybe somebody got a haircut.
Maybe I only talked to them for five minutes of my life.
Like you forget sometimes.
So how do you handle that?
How do you handle that conversation with somebody who's like, oh my God, it's so good to see you.
Remember all this and that?
And you don't have any recollection.
Well, I honestly think you have to fake it till you make it.
I think in this situation, you cannot be honest.
Honesty is not key here.
I think you have to lie.
And you have to say, it is so good to see you.
I have missed you more than you could ever know.
No, don't say that.
But be like, yeah, obviously.
Duh, I remember.
Yeah, I remember.
You, what?
My, okay.
Here's how I'd handle it.
To be honest, it would be a matter of this.
Oh my God.
It's so good to see you.
How are you?
Like what's been up?
Whatever.
You get a little bit into it and then you're like, okay, wait, I got to go run for a second.
You come up with some excuse.
Could be going and get a drink.
Could be something else.
Doesn't matter.
Oh my God.
I really have to go to the bathroom.
I'll be right back.
Get out of it.
Get out before they catch you in knowing that you don't know who they are.
You know what I mean?
Get out.
And it's simply because it is not nice to forget if you've met somebody.
But it's also understandable.
Like, listen, it's totally understandable.
However, it is something that's widely offensive, to be honest.
I...
I don't care if somebody doesn't remember meeting me, to be honest.
It could not be more fine with me.
But a lot of people get really offended by that.
It makes them feel insignificant.
It makes them feel forgettable.
Understandably so, I get it.
I mean, everyone thinks that they're the main character and should be remembered vividly, like...
You know what I mean?
Like, that's very... We live in a narcissistic time with not a lot of forgiveness for others.
It's like, hello, we meet a lot of people.
It's okay to forget sometimes, but people get really butthurt about that.
It's...
When it's so normal, if you meet somebody for five minutes, you're not always gonna remember.
If you met somebody and talked to them for two hours and had to see it and like, exchanged numbers and said you were gonna get lunch, and then canceled and then never spoke again, you should remember that person because you had a.
Even though you never like became friends, you had a significant interaction.
But if you met somebody for 10 minutes and then they forget, it's like, yeah, it's okay.
Why am I being so defensive?
Maybe because I'm hungry.
I am a little hungry.
Sorry if I'm getting a little snippy, you guys.
I'm getting a little snippy because I'm a little hungry.
It is kind of my dinner time.
I didn't really plan this out.
Like I probably could have eaten dinner before I started, but I wasn't quite hungry yet.
Now I'm getting hungry.
Now it's dinner time, but I'm busy.
So you know, it is what it is, but I'm just, I'm going to start.
I'm going to start getting progressively more irritable, more hangry, if you will, as they say.
Anyway, I think the best method be super warm, pretend like you know them, get out of the conversation as quickly as possible.
Pretend go to the bathroom.
Pretend go get a drink whatever, doesn't matter.
Then try to investigate who this person is and where you could have met them.
If you're there with a friend, ask the friend.
Ask around, figure it out, figure out how you know them.
Then go back up later with the knowledge of who they are once you figure it out.
Maybe you Googled them, which I guess if you don't know their name, you can't Google them.
But perhaps they said their name.
They're like, it's me, so-and-so, remember?
And you're like, yes, but you actually don't.
You could maybe Google them in that scenario, figure out who they are, and then go back up and then continue the conversation, now that you know, you know.
Ooh, that actually happened to me somewhat recently.
There was this one person who came up and was like, oh my God, remember me?
And I was like, yes.
This was a work-related person as well.
Came up to me and was like, do you remember me?
And I was like, yes.
To be honest, I didn't, I didn't remember her. and it was really loud where we were.
And this person was like, oh, I work for so-and-so.
And I couldn't even really hear who they work for.
So I was like, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
So good to see you.
And I was trying to get out of it because I was like I need to go ask who this person is, because I had said that I knew.
And I think they could maybe tell that I didn't know.
But I was like fuck it, I have to just act like I do.
And then they were like, well, I've been like really wanting to work together on this.
And I was like fuck, I'm like wait.
I was like I can't, I can't be pretending in this conversation.
I didn't hear who this person works for.
Oh my God, it was a mess.
And so actually at a certain point in the conversation I had to be like wait, so you used to work for so-and-so, and now you work for who?
And then they got kind of like a little bit not offended, but they were a little bit like I just said, like I work for like so-and-so.
And I used to work for so-and-so.
Like I already said that.
And like, you know that.
We know each other.
You said, you know.
And I was like, I know, but I didn't hear.
And I fucked up.
And it was a little awkward.
No hard feelings at all.
Nobody was offended.
It was like totally light, but that was a little awkward for me, right?
And what I should have done was gotten out of the conversation sooner and found out my information and then gone back.
But I didn't.
And I fucked up.
Okay, next.
What do you do when somebody tells a bad joke in front of everyone and no one laughs?
What do you do?
I don't know what to do about this one, to be honest.
This is always awkward.
Like a few options are coming to mind.
If the joke is not like terribly offensive, if it's not like a bad joke because it was offensive, then maybe a little fake laugh never hurt anyone.
But then you can kind of tell it's fake sometimes.
Although I actually am pretty good at like.
If no one else laughs at a joke, my instinct is to start laughing to fill the void.
I'm pretty good about that.
So that's an option, as long as the joke is not offensive.
But there have been times where somebody's made like a really fucked up joke that I like actually do not agree with morally.
And out of instinct, I've laughed because no one else laughed and I didn't know what to do.
Not the best look.
And also it's not representative of me and my humor and what I like in humor.
So it's like, I don't, it's inauthentic to me.
If the joke is offensive, it's tough.
Like, honestly, for me personally, I'm just not going to say a word.
Maybe at most I'll be like, All right.
Well, there you go.
That's like something I'd say.
I'd be like, maybe keep that one.
Maybe keep that one.
Maybe that one should have stayed in the drafts.
You know, like you can make light of it, but be like, maybe not that one, you know?
But if the joke is just bad and not offensive, then I actually think the best option is to fake laugh.
Why not?
Like fake laugh.
Be like, you know what?
I fucking got that one.
Ha ha ha.
Yes.
I actually have a really hard, this one's stumping me to be honest.
This is a really hard one.
You can't control what other people say around you.
And I mean, there's an option to like poke fun at the fact that the joke flopped, right?
You could be like, well, maybe try again in an hour.
Don't get defeated.
That wasn't a good one, but you could try again better.
But that could also be kind of mean, especially if somebody is like not particularly funny and maybe they struggle with their sense of humor.
Like that actually might make them feel like the butt of the joke and like they were trying to make a joke.
That might make them feel worse.
So I like, I don't know.
It depends on the like who made the bad joke.
But somebody who's particularly tough or usually kind of funny, then maybe it's fine.
But like, if it's somebody who's more sensitive, that might not be the move.
Maybe you just have to fake laugh, you know?
And then if the joke was offensive, get out, just get out.
I'm trying to think about the last time I was around somebody who made like an offensive joke or something in what I did.
I can't remember.
It's been a long time.
I hope that I don't get into that situation again for a while.
Okay, moving on.
What do you do when you tell a bad joke?
That's so much easier.
If you tell a bad joke, there's infinite things you can do.
You could be like, okay, so you guys didn't like that one?
You could say, all right, you guys, I'll try again in an hour.
You could be like too far.
You guys, there's so many things you could do.
The second you make a fail of a joke, you poke fun back.
Like there's been times where i've made a joke and no one's laughed, not because it was offensive, but just because it wasn't funny.
Like that's how humor is.
Like you're not gonna have hit after hit after hit, you're gonna have a bust every once in a while.
And i was like dang it, like what and like, and then that was funny and everybody laughed at that or whatever.
Like I was like come on, you guys, someone like I've done stuff like that, like whatever.
And that always works.
Then then that's more funny.
And then it's like, fine.
When it's your own fail of a joke, you got to like you can squash that shit the second it happens.
So you might as well.
And last but not least, how to interact with somebody in an elevator.
It is really kind of a weird thing.
I've had many different types of elevator interactions.
I've had many interactions where people come in, silence.
I've also had interactions where people are like, hey, how's it going?
And then it's like, good.
And it's like, all right.
See ya.
Hopefully by the time you get to the sea.
It's like hopefully you can get to that sea up pretty quick because somebody has arrived to their floor.
You know, I think both of their pros and their cons, right?
Remaining silent is arguably the better option.
It's just simple.
It's okay to just coexist in silence with other human beings.
Like there's nothing wrong about that.
It's not necessarily cold.
It's not necessarily rude.
I think there's actually something weirdly beautiful about it.
However, silence is uncomfortable for a lot of people.
In fact, it's uncomfortable for me at times.
As I get older, I'm more comfortable with silence with people.
But silence used to be the loudest thing in the world to me.
I always had to fill silence.
If there was a lull in conversation, I was always the first one to fill it.
If somebody made a joke and nobody laughed, I was the one laughing.
If I'm in an elevator and somebody's in the elevator with me and it's quiet, it's agony.
I used to struggle with silence.
Now I'm much more comfortable with it.
I think I just have a better understanding of human psychology at this point.
And I know that silence is only awkward or weird if you make it awkward or weird.
Like being able to coexist in silence with other human beings is a very normal healthy, beautiful thing.
However, there is some value to greeting the person in the elevator.
Hey, how's it going?
You know, what floor are you going?
Did you need me to push a button or whatever?
That actually can also be really enjoyable and can eliminate the weird silence and can even be like a really beautiful human interaction.
However, it can get awkward or weird if it goes on for too long.
If the elevator's slow, whatever the next thing you know, it's like oh my God, I don't even know how to continue.
This is like clunky.
Because it's too short of a conversation to really get into anything real, but sometimes it can get too long to where it's like well, what do we get into now?
We only have like 10 seconds left, but this is like a weird 10 seconds here.
I tend to prefer silence in the elevator, but if somebody wants to talk to me in the elevator, I'm all about it.
I'm all about it.
I'm there.
I'm there to chat.
And I'm going to try to make the most of those 10 to 20 seconds.
You know, I think the less awkward option almost is just being in silence, maybe a little smile or a nod, and then just moving on.
And that's the end of it.
I think that's probably the best.
That's it.
To be honest, I don't really know what we learned today.
I don't know if we learned anything.
But you know what really matters is that we had fun.
And I'll tell you, I had fun.
And I hope you did too.
And if you did and you want to hang out with me, some more new episodes of Anything Goes every Thursday and Sunday.
You can stream anywhere you get podcasts.
Although if you want to watch video, that is exclusively on YouTube and Spotify.
You can check out Anything Goes on social media at Anything Goes.
You can check me out on the internet and wherever.
At emma chamberlain and you can check out my coffee company in the world and on the internet and wherever else at chamberlain coffee.
I love you all.
I appreciate you all.
It's always so much fun to hang out.
I need to go eat my dinner though, because i'm getting a little bit.
I'm getting a little bit hangry, I don't know what i'm gonna eat yet.
Kind of out of groceries, so it's gonna be something weird.
I'm like opening up the pantry and like looking at the cans of things I have you know, like normally it's like I have a plan, like I know what I'm making.
It's like okay well, I bought all these, all this produce or like whatever, and I'm gonna eat no, no produce.
I don't know what I'm making for dinner, and I hope it tastes good, because I'm gonna wing it, and if it doesn't taste good I'm gonna be so fucking pissed.
Wish me luck.
Anyway, I love you all.
I appreciate you all.
It's so fun to hang.
And luckily for both of us, we get to hang again in a few days.
Perhaps I'll see you then.
Okay, bye.
