Look at you, dressed like a girl.
Why the change?
Did the roller derby team try to recruit you again?
No.
I have a date with Ben.
You don't seem too excited about it.
Well, I mean, he's really nice and... Got it.
You're bored.
And so am I. Break up.
I mean, I just want to see what else is out there.
Does that make me a bad person?
Oh, my God.
Are we still talking about this?
I solved your problem.
Today, crowded restaurant so he doesn't make a scene.
Just deep breath and say it.
Fantastic news.
Someone TP'd our house.
Halloween fun is afoot.
Dad, I really want to be excited for you, but Halloween?
We're almost old enough to vote.
Got me.
Worth it?
Oh, what?
You're too old for a little scare?
The scariest thing is you could be a cheap pickup line, two beers and nine months away from being a grandparent, and you just risk asphyxiation in the fridge.
It's not like we're taking you trick-or-treating.
There are grown-up ways to enjoy Halloween.
How about pumpkin boat racing?
Cam used to do it in Missouri.
Take a giant pumpkin, cut the top off, gut it, hop in, sail away.
Let's do it.
I'm so married to this idea, it rolls its eyes when I make jokes in public.
Take notes.
This might help you out with Ben later.
Mom, Dad, you and Halloween have had some great times together.
But it's over.
You're way too old and it's hard to look at.
Wow, it really lines up.
I see what's going on here.
Thank God.
I haven't communicated how big this pumpkin's gonna be.
You guys know Clifford, the big red dog?
We're not doing this.
Plus, we all have dates.
But... I think they're past it.
That was kind of a horror shot.
No, honey, don't take it too personally.
Me?
That was directed at you, fridge monster.
You're the one who's obsessed with Halloween.
Honey, you were the one who suggested getting a giant pumpkin and having us sail away in it like a family of cartoon mice.
All pumpkins are giant to mice.
There's no use in us arguing over who's more obsessed with the holiday that's behind us already.
Way behind us.
All right, I gotta get going.
Yeah, have a good one.
Great, bye-bye.
Bye.
Change plans, fellas.
Hop in the car.
Well, well, well, you city folks sure are late risers.
I guess your rooster has a snooze button.
It's funny how you say the exact same thing every morning.
Since our contractor took a break from rehabbing kitchens to rehab a gambling problem, Jay took over and we've been staying here.
It's been a lot of dad, but it just became too impractical to continue living at home.
We're going to use another coat of varnish.
The fumes shouldn't be too noticeable.
Oh, boy.
Lily.
Oh, gosh.
Okay, she's down.
It's been hard on us living without a kitchen.
It's been, uh, six weeks now since it burned down.
Since you burned it down.
Since I burned it down.
And then maliciously made me think I did it and leverage my guilt for your own selfish gain.
Then maliciously made you think that you did it and leveraged your own Honey.
You gotta stop beating yourself up.
Okay.
I was going to make Joe's oatmeal.
Do you really have to use all five burners?
Well, it is called five burner meat pie and it's the traditional dish back at the Halloween festival.
So it kind of makes me feel like I'm there.
No oatmeal?
Guess I could put my beard on now.
Come over here.
Look, I'm sorry, but the god I worship does not let his roots show.
Two weeks ago, we invited Mitch and Cam to stay here.
You invited them.
It's been hard on us, but it's part of our Colombian heritage.
Your heritage.
To welcome family and to never kick them out, even when they might have some boundary issues.
I'm heading back to the job site.
Gonna let the guys knock off for a little.
Liquor treating.
Well, that is how you manage.
To stretch a job until Christmas.
Okay, we need to go over there, find out how long this is gonna take.
I want my kitchen back.
Okay.
Dad, we appreciate all your hard work, but we're running a little past schedule.
The job is done when the job is done.
You want it faster.
Next time, burn down a bookshelf.
Well, clearly he doesn't know what he's doing, and he's too proud to admit it.
I know.
I know.
My breakfast is a Luna bar for women.
Do something.
They're family.
What do you want me to do?
You need to fire your father.
Don't worry.
I'll take care of it.
Mitchell.
I swear to God.
Promise me you'll get rid of them.
Make me believe it.
I swear to you.
I didn't have a date with a guy, but rather a date with Destiny.
Destiny was the name of the casting director I was auditioning for.
I saw an ad for backup singers on a cruise ship, and I knew it was fate.
I have a killer voice, I love karaoke, and I'm great at partying on boats.
Haley Dunphy?
Ahoy!
I speak ship.
Bon voyage, mateys.
I crushed it.
I even crushed the modesty after.
No.
Thank you for the chance to sing.
