Whoa, that girl just took a book on geostatistics.
Yeah, so?
That's not required reading for any science course.
Maybe she wants to squash a spider with it.
No, look, she's reading it.
Who is this mystery woman?
Should we invite her to have lunch with us?
I don't know.
So far, it's just been you and me, and we know that works.
Do you really want to mess with success?
We could think of it as an experiment.
Oh, you do know how to push my buttons.
All right, go ask her.
Why me?
Your lack of testosterone makes you adorable to women.
I can't argue with that.
Hello.
Hello.
My name is Sheldon.
Yeah, you're Sheldon Cooper.
You know who I am?
Well, there's only one nine-year-old in high school, and you still have your baby teeth.
She knows who I am.
It's going well.
What do you want?
Would you like to have lunch with me and my friend?
Why?
Why else?
So we can have a spirited conversation about geostatistics.
You really are as smart as everybody says.
My teeth are small, but my prefrontal cortex is enormous.
Geologists lead a sedimentary lifestyle.
Libby, that is a good one.
Can you believe what's going on with him?
I know.
He's been on the phone with that girl for almost an hour.
Sheldon's got a girlfriend.
What are the odds?
She's not a girlfriend.
It's more of a mental rapport.
That's where it starts.
I did win you over with my superior intellect.
It was your motorcycle, and you know it.
Good thing it wasn't your masculine physique, because that is long gone.
Why do you think he kept the motorcycle?
How come he gets to type the phone and I can't?
Because what is happening in there is called a miracle, and God-fearing people do not get in the way of those.
Hey, Georgie, if you ever find a girlfriend, maybe you can go on a double date with your brother.
She's not his girlfriend, and I can find one.
I'm just not looking.
Yes, that was a geology joke.
We need to get that Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue away from him before he's ruined forever.
Oh, Libby, Libby, Libby.
What is happening?
What are you doing?
I need to use the bathroom, but it can get uncivilized in there.
Anyone in there now?
I don't know.
I was afraid to find out.
Go ahead.
I'll stand guard.
Where have you been all my life?
I don't think so.
I gotta pee.
That's your problem.
Keep moving.
Thank you.
Happy to help.
Is there any chance you'd be available to stand guard at 1 45?
You have a bathroom schedule?
You don't?
See you later.
Whoever said the quickest way to a man's heart is through his stomach, did not consider his tiny bladder.
I think the best space shuttle name so far is Discovery.
What about Challenger?
Two in your face.
Atlantis?
A fictional island that couldn't stay afloat?
I don't think so.
There's the Enterprise.
There is, and it's on Star Trek, where it belongs.
You know they're playing a space shuttle movie at the Museum of Natural Science?
It's in IMAX.
I heard about that.
The screen is supposed to be huge.
They also have a great geology exhibit.
Well, it's in Houston.
How are we going to get there?
I'll drive.
Oh, I'd love to see a movie with you.
Don't you need to ask your parents first?
No, Sheldon, I don't.
Well, won't they worry where you are?
They'll be fine.
Count me in.
Glad you're not my son.
And I just wanted to make certain that you've had no traffic tickets or, heaven forbid, accidents.
No, ma'am.
I'm a very safe driver.
You've got nothing to worry about.
Good.
Good.
Have you made this trip before?
A few times, yes.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
You smoke marijuana?
Mom?
No, ma'am.
Just say no.
Well, I find this very reassuring.
I have to admit, I had some trepidation.
But having met you, I'm feeling a lot better.
Good.
You've got nothing to worry about, Mrs. Cooper.
I've been babysitting kids for years.
Babysitting.
Babysitting.
Babysitting.
Babysitting.
Babysitting.
I'm babysitting kids for you.
Babysitting.
Babysitting.
Excuse me.
I don't feel well.
You'll have to go without me.
Shelly, are you okay?
No.
You want to talk about it?
No.
You want me to leave you alone?
No.
I thought Libby and I were equals, but she thinks of me as a child.
I'm sorry, baby.
Calling me that isn't helping right now.
Right.
Sorry.
She is almost twice your age.
There are people five times my age that are stupider than me.
This is not about being smart.
What else is there?
Well, there's other kinds of maturity.
There's emotional maturity, physical maturity, all things that have nothing to do with being smart.
Are you suggesting I'm not emotionally mature?
I was hinting at it.
Regardless, I'm not interested in making any more friends.
Oh, I don't think that's how you really feel.
It is.
From now on, it's a hermit's life for me.
I bet when you grow up, you will be surrounded by lots of smart, wonderful friends.
I can't see that happening.
Hello.
Hi.
Who are you?
I'm Paige.
I like your bow tie.
Thank you.
You seem awfully young, Paige.
Are you with an adult who's taking this class?
No.
Dr Sturges heard about my research on quantum chromodynamics at high temperatures and invited me to audit his course.
Is that so?
Yes.
He's been super nice.
Interesting.
Well, just so we're clear.
He's my mentor, he's my Meemaw's boyfriend and he had spaghetti and hot dogs at my house.
This spaghetti goes on the hot dogs.
No.
You realize this is a very advanced class.
We'll be discussing deriving nuclear physics from the quark model.
Do you know if he'll be doing a full color optic calculation with matrix manipulations?
I do not.
Do you know how to differentiate under the integral sign?
No.
Do you know anything?
I know you're in my spot.
How old are you?
I'm 10.
I'm 10, too.
When's your birthday?
February 26th.
March 17th.
I'm the youngest person in this class.
That's funny.
Oh, good.
I see you two have met.
I'm younger than him.
How come you never mentioned she was coming to this class?
I thought it would be a fun surprise.
I don't like surprises.
Neither do I. Then why did you do it?
Some people like surprises.
I love surprises.
Did you enjoy this one?
Yes.
A 50% success rate.
Not bad.
Let's get started.
Not since sharing a uterus with my twin sister have I been so unhappy sitting next to someone.
Now, since we'll be spending a few hours together, I've created a list of activities to keep us occupied.
We'll start with a tour of my room, then board games and, if time permits, you can look at and not touch my trains.
Oh, my little pony.
I love my little pony.
That's my sister's, and it's not part of the tour.
I share a room with my sister, too.
It's super fun.
You're wrong.
Now, over here, we have my desk.
This is my computer.
That's my mouse.
This is my printer.
This is the paper that goes in the printer.
This is a box of extra paper that also goes in the printer.
And this is my signed picture of Professor Proton.
Do you watch his show?
No, I don't really like it.
You don't?
I think he's boring.
And he dumps everything down.
Come on, Kolonar.
Don't fail me now.
And next on the tour, we have... a lamp.
We could play traditional chess or, if you're interested, we could play a variant with a new piece I invented.
That sounds fun.
What's the new piece?
A wizard.
The wizard cannot be taken and at any point he can teleport and switch places with any other piece.
Yes, but there's an obvious flaw.
What flaw?
Well, anytime anyone is checkmated, they can simply have the wizard in their kingswitch places, so the game will never end.
I knew that.
You passed my test.
You actually believe in the multiverse theory?
Very much so.
It's the most elegant interpretation of quantum mechanics.
So you really think there are an infinite number of universes?
Stephen Hawking believes it, so yes, I do.
Well, if there are an infinite number of universes, I think that theory is dumb in all of them.
This is fun.
I don't get to have discussions like this with kids at my school.
Do you?
No.
Do you ever wish you were just like everyone else?
Not at all.
Me neither.
I love being smarter than everyone.
Me too.
I started to think that Paige and I might have more in common than I thought.
Maybe my mother was right.
I really did just need to get to know her better.
Checkmate.
You lose.
Red alert.
Phasers stand by to fire on my order.
Guess that makes me the smartest.
I don't know if 10-year-old Spock ever flipped a chessboard, but 10-year-old Sheldon sure did.
I'll tell you that Sheldon was very excited to hear that you might be joining us.
Well, isn't he sweet?
He's a peach.
All right, I'm here.
Hello.
Hello.
Hello.
Hi, Sheldon.
So excited for you to show me around campus today.
The only reason I'm doing it is because... He's excited to do it?
I'm excited he's doing it.
Are you excited?
Sure.
Everyone's excited.
Yay.
Come on, let's go.
You and me together again.
It just feels right, doesn't it?
There's the cafeteria.
If you like tuna salad with hair in it.
Over there's the quad.
It's a nice place to relax.
Do you like getting hit in the head with frisbees?
I know what you're doing.
No, you don't.
You have nothing to worry about.
I don't want to come to this school.
I'm just looking at it to make my mom happy since it's close to home.
Well, that's wonderful news.
Besides, I've got offers from way better universities.
What do you mean?
What's wrong with this school?
It's fine.
It's just nowhere near as good as Harvard or Columbia.
It is, too. if you like a substandard science department hair in your tuna.
She said she doesn't even want to come to this university.
Well, I hope you convinced her otherwise.
She said she'd rather go to Harvard or Columbia.
Those are all perfectly fine schools, but we have a lot to offer here, too.
I told her that, but she said I was settling because I want to live close to my mommy.
Well, that's ridiculous.
That's why I came here to tell on her.
I thought you liked your school.
I did until Paige ruined it.
Why do you care what she thinks?
I don't.
Sure sounds like you do.
I can't help it.
She makes me crazy.
Then stop thinking about her.
I wish I could.
Ooh, maybe you have a crush on her.
That's ridiculous.
I don't know.
I don't.
You care what she thinks.
You can't stop talking about her.
I don't have a crush on her.
Are you sure?
I don't know.
Is it a crush?
Take this juicy quiz and find out.
Do you think about them when they're not around?
Lately, yes.
Are you jealous when other people give them attention?
I suppose I am.
Do you get nervous when you're around them?
How could I not?
Last time she punched me in the face.
That was so great.
Do you talk about them all the time?
That's a big fat yes.
Do you dream about them?
Oh, dear.
Just last night, I had a nightmare that she solved the Einstein field equations ahead of me.
That's five out of five.
You're crushing harder than Zack on Kelly Kapowski.
What does that mean?
Trust me, that's a big deal.
My sister had gotten into my head, but I needed a more reliable opinion than a magazine that included the hottest tips for pouty lips.
Georgie?
What?
Can I ask you a question about girls?
Go ahead, but I find them very confusing.
Missy thinks I have a crush on Paige.
Do you?
I don't know, but I know that I don't want to.
Well, you don't get to choose.
It's just something you feel.
Did you have a crush on your girlfriend?
Yeah, I guess.
How did you know when you did?
Well, one day she came to school in these soccer shorts, and that was it.
What happened?
You played soccer with her?
No, dummy.
Then what was the significance of the shorts?
I don't think I can help you.
It seems I have a crush on you.
What?
I'm as surprised as you are, but I have all the symptoms, according to both Dr Sturges and the editors of Sassy Magazine.
Sheldon... I'm really glad that you told me this, because...
The truth is, I feel the same way about you.
You do?
I mean, I've been trying to hide it, but now I don't have to anymore.
This is such a relief.
Oh, dear.
This is new information.
I've been operating under the assumption that my crush was unrequited.
Oh, it's required, Sheldon.
It's very required.
Hm.
What are you doing?
We have a crush on each other.
So now we have to kiss.
We do?
I mean, it's where the data has led us.
I suppose.
OK.
Now close your eyes and pucker up.
You bet.
How was that?
I didn't feel anything romantic.
Me either.
Guess it wasn't a crush after all.
I guess not.
That's a relief.
It is.
I went to three classes before I figured it out.
Good thing I look spiffy in a mustache.
