I had a dream about you last night.
Oh, my God.
What was I doing?
You invited me for dinner.
Obviously, I was thinking about this, but you had me over, but it was like a castle.
It was a bit like Nosferatu.
Apparently, that's bisexual.
Have you seen it?
No, I can't because it's got rats in it and I've got a phobia of rats.
Do you really?
Well, I nearly couldn't watch Beach Rats because I thought maybe there was going to be a rat involved, but thank God There's no rats.
..it's just you.
So you've only got seven minutes.
For what?
For this.
That's a joke about your film.
Oh.
That was just... That was good.
Well, it wasn't, was it?
Because you didn't get it.
It was a subtle one.
You looked quite sad at the idea that it was only seven minutes.
I know.
You were like, no.
Longer.
Ten.
I think Lifetime, me and you together...
So I heard you used to be a skater.
What's your favourite skating move?
Do you know any?
Flip?
Flop?
Kickflip?
Kickflip?
Trayflip?
Trayflip?
I'm just repeating you at this point.
Fall off?
The fall off?
I love a fall off.
Do you think there's a misconception that all skaters are actually fuckboys?
Yeah, they're just trying to have a good time.
Okay.
But I wouldn't... Go on.
No, I just, there was one time I almost took my skateboard to a date and then I left it at home.
I went back and was like, I should probably leave that.
Because you knew that it was going to, alarm bells were going to start ringing.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Also, if you leave the date, then are you skating while she's walking next to you?
That's a bit.
Can you keep up?
Do you like dancing?
What do you mean do I like dancing?
I'm like a professional dancer.
Would you be up for doing like a dance class?
Together?
Yeah, sure.
Yeah, or on your own.
I want to start doing dancing lessons.
Yeah, I'd like to do that.
Well, that's what I'm saying.
We should go together.
Shall we?
Well, it sounds like you... Do you want to do it with people or do you want to do it private?
Well, I want to do it with you.
No, okay, we can do it together, but I mean...
It's private.
I want private lessons being you in a dance studio, mirrors everywhere.
The first time I ever heard about you was because someone sent me your Instagram story because you were watching DWE's Chilling Shop Date episode.
How did they know I watched it?
Did I post it?
You posted it.
Where did I post it?
Have you always been obsessed with me?
I guess so.
Yeah, you posted it on your public Instagram.
What, main post?
No, it wasn't on the grid.
It was on stories.
So you could say I've been one of the reasons why this has prospered.
No, I wouldn't say that.
Your fans are called... I think they're called dickheads now.
Oh, they're called dickheads.
Yeah.
What are your fans called?
Well, I don't have them.
I do have one fan page.
It has about 50 followers.
Nuggets?
The nuggets?
The nuggets.
All right.
What's your favorite dickhead then?
Do you have a favorite dickhead?
What favorite fan?
Have you ever had short hair?
No, I think I would look really bad with short hair.
I don't know, I think you'd look good with a little baldy situation.
You think I'd look good bald?
I do.
Really?
I can see it.
I've got a massive head.
I've got big ears.
You don't have a big head.
I do have a big head.
Do you know your ears and your nose?
Never stop growing.
I know.
Don't remind me.
Yeah.
H&M or Balenciaga?
Neither.
Did you get that reference?
Yeah.
That was quite a good one.
No?
I've had it before.
Oh, okay, fine.
Would you like to be in a film?
What are you asking?
Are you casting?
You're directing a film?
I did already.
You've directed a film?
Yeah.
You'd like to make a film?
I'd love to make a film.
Can I get a role in it?
I'm going to have to just sort of check with someone else about that.
You can get back to me.
No, obviously you could be in my movie.
Thank you.
You could play me.
Shall I audition?
Yeah.
What's the scenario? you've just found out some really, really sad news that you've been dumped.
Well, do you find acting a competitive industry?
Yes.
And... Everyone pretends it's not, though.
Surely you're going up for the same roles as, like, your people that you know.
Competition is good.
Don't you think?
Like, if you're always... handed everything, then you're probably not going to have, like, a drive.
Well, competition pushes you forward to be a better version of yourself.
Do you feel like that?
I don't have any competition.
You don't really, do you?
No.
I'm just one of a kind.
I'm in my own lane.
Do you get competitive with yourself?
100%.
Actually, yeah.
I'm most competitive with myself.
Yeah.
Are you quite hard on yourself?
How did you know?
You can just tell.
What's more nerve-wracking, a date or an audition?
A date.
Really?
Yeah.
With me?
Yeah.
Are we nervous before this?
Yeah.
I was not nervous at all.
I was like, normally I'm nervous, but because I knew it was you, I wasn't nervous.
That's good.
Because we just know that we just get on really well, don't we?
Yeah, loads.
Why am I single?
Why are you single?
Yeah.
Why are you single?
You are a catch.
Why do you think I'm single?
I don't think you... I think you like being with yourself.
Yeah.
Yeah, I think that's true.
You are a catch.
Yeah.
Thank you.
So, um... What's your favourite sport?
Skateboarding.
Is that a sport?
Yes, it's an extreme sport.
It's not an extreme sport.
Is it really an extreme sport?
Yes.
I think doing a marathon is more extreme than skating.
No, it's not.
Do you want kids?
I don't know.
I don't think about it.
No.
Do you?
Do you think you'd be a good father figure?
You're full of him.
That really just came to me like that.
Intimacy coordinators are having a moment right now.
They are, as they should.
Do you think Chicken Shop Date should have an intimacy coordinator?
Probably, I mean, the way you've been acting.
Yeah, would that help, do you think?
It's actually a good idea, but then you might feel pressure to move things on a bit too.
Oh, right.
Has there ever been a... A moment?
A kiss?
No, I'm not that up.
I don't want a kiss.
No, neither do I. Um, yeah, someone tried to kiss me.
Who?
Matty Healy.
Did he?
Oh, yeah, I remember.
He was, he was going to.
He was going to, yeah.
He was, like, ready to do it.
Why didn't you?
Because... You didn't want to.
Why would I do that?
Like, I don't kiss on the first date.
No, that's good.
Yeah, I do other things too.
No, I'm joking.
Everything but kissing.
Everything but kissing.
Cheers.
Cheers.
It's so nice to... I don't want to do it now.
Why?
I don't want to do it.
What do you think about when you need to get into the zone when you're acting?
Death.
God.
I don't want to do it anymore.
Because you're crying.
I'm crying.
Why are you crying?
Is this turning you on?
No.
Do you want to do this again sometime?
Yeah, I'd love to.
Yeah.
You alright?
Yeah.
I've really enjoyed this.
Love does that.
Oh, okay.
Steady on.
