So I heard that you're single perennial and that you hate it.
Okay, let's solve that today.
Now listen, I'm not a magician, okay?
But I'll tell you something about myself.
I love all the things that come with romance, but I'll tell you what I like too.
I love, love being single.
So I think I can give some tips.
If you take them, they probably will work.
If you're here to argue with me, Good luck being lonely.
Now, before I even say anything, let's tell the truth.
Okay, let's do a poll.
Why are you single?
Why are you single?
A lot of people don't realize that they are single by choice.
Even unconscious, choosing is a choice.
Yeah, let's go through it.
I'ma ask you, why are you single?
And you say to me well pearl, nobody likes me.
Huh, how did you find out that nobody likes you?
How many people did you poll?
Now you believe nobody likes you.
So you're walking outside your house with the energy that nobody likes you.
You don't know that nobody likes you.
What was the last time you liked somebody and you asked them out?
Hello, here's my cards.
You liked somebody and you went and claimed them.
Okay, single by choice.
I'm single because the person i like doesn't like me back.
Now, that's a point.
But perhaps perhaps, if you took away your focus from them and went on 20 dates, you might just find one who does and who you like back two.
It's a numbers game.
You really have to kiss a lot of frogs, i'm telling you.
I know somebody.
In one year she said i'm going to have a boyfriend this year.
She went on 100 dates.
Do you know what it takes to go on 100 dates?
That is a full-time job, but she was so determined to get one that she went on 100 dates.
She's been with him for years now, but that's how she found him 100 dates and she's a stunning beautiful, just gorgeous girl.
So you asked three girls at the park over the course of one month and now all women are terrible because they said no to you.
Single by choice, pearl.
Okay, i'm ugly.
Nobody likes people like me.
Ugly people like me.
Babe, let me stop you there.
I'm not gonna convince you that you're beautiful.
I've not seen you.
I don't know.
If you want to be convinced, go and watch my video on beauty standards.
However, if you really really want to tell the truth about partnering when it comes to looks, One day, a Saturday morning, find a very, very busy park and camp out there for the entire day.
Buy some snacks, camp outside and watch couples.
And you'll see every kind of person coupled.
There is somebody for every kind of person, even the people you, yes, you consider undesirable.
People who are in relationships might hate what I'm about to say.
But the truth is being coupled is one of the easiest things on earth.
If you have no standards, it's easy to get into a couple, but it's not easy to get into a fulfilling couple, a fulfilling partnership.
Go out tonight, have no standards, require nothing.
And you have a money on your couch.
Yeah.
Single by choice.
You are.
Why are you single?
Because y'all be out here hindering yourselves, not even knowing.
Blaming everybody but looking in the mirror.
I know why I'm single.
Happily so.
Now that I've cleared out the air, let's actually get into how to enjoy being single.
Number one, and I'm telling you, this is one of the most important things for single Pringles.
You have to redefine loneliness.
Loneliness is an absence of meaningful connection.
Singlehood is an absence of a partner.
Simple.
Romantic partner, to be clear.
Because I have partners, they're just not romantic.
Listen, human beings are not meant to be alone.
Biologically we are made to attach to a community, to people, but that attachment does not have to be one person.
It doesn't have to be sexual and it doesn't have to be romantic.
Romantic connection is just one expression of that need.
When you change how you view loneliness, romantic connections become a want.
And community becomes a need.
You can be single and not lonely.
And you can be in a relationship and be very, very, very lonely.
When you feel lonely, what you're lacking is meaningful connection.
So many people focus all their energy on trying to find the one, which is a myth.
Watch my video here here, wherever I put it up, takes just as much energy.
So you put all that energy into building community.
So when you have your community, they help with the loneliness part.
And then you might think yeah, but like it's different.
It's different, like i can't.
I just want it, i can't survive without it.
Quick pause, because i get asked this all the time.
If you're stuck on things like self-love self-confidence, healing from trauma, or you're like oh, i know that happened to me, but i don't know what to do next.
Oh, i need more information on how to learn to love myself, how to learn to reparent myself.
I don't know what to do with the anger i don't know how to grieve.
You know ways of getting back to myself.
How do i learn confidence that will last?
How do i?
How do i?
I have made practical workbooks, real workbooks.
I've put it all in there very detailed, for you to be able to work at your own pace, to work through things.
Get them at the neurocosmiccom.
Back to our video, and then you might think yeah, but like it's different.
It's different, like i can't.
I just want it, i can't survive without it.
No no, no.
A lot of people think they can't survive without sugar, But they can.
You just have to wean yourself off the programming.
You're addicted to the messaging, to the programming.
You just need to wean yourself off of it, off of the mentality that you biologically need one person, one romantic person that will be everything to you.
It's just not a biological need.
It's just not.
It's socially constructed.
But your need for human connection is biological.
That is what you need to fulfill.
And then, when you do, Let me tell you something become somebody who does not limit romantic gestures romance, to just romantic connection.
Some of my friendships are romantic.
Honestly, if I really think about it, they are more romantic than any romantic thing I've ever had.
It's not sexual, but it's in many ways romantic.
Let me tell you, at the end of this, you'll learn something.
It's all about how you view the world.
It really is accept singlehood as the baseline.
Do you know?
Do you know?
This is not news, but i have to remind you, everybody's born single, even twins coming at different times.
Singlehood is not something you have to overcome and this is why i'm telling you you need to get rid of the programming.
So if I stop seeing singlehood as something to overcome, if to me singlehood is just the way of being, it's just the baseline of life, then I'm no longer waiting for the love of my life, because why should I?
Okay.
When you keep thinking that you being single is something that needs to change, your entire life will always feel like a waiting game.
I have people I already spend my life with.
I don't consider myself an alone person.
When I dream of the future, I dream my community into it.
These are my people.
They are my life partners.
I don't dream of having things with a lover.
I just don't because I don't know any man that I want in my future.
Not yet.
But I dream of buying land, building businesses with the community I have.
The people who are already in my life.
I dream them in.
Why?
Because i'm single romantically, but i'm not single communally.
That's crazy.
Y'all have friends, but you're like oh, i'm a single person, i'm alone, are you?
I'm not.
I have loved ones.
I have people who love me, have people who are excited to see me.
I have people who, when i say i'm coming here, they're like oh my god, i can't wait to see you.
I love you so much.
You dream your people into your future.
I'm I'm not going outside hoping that as I walk down the streets, somebody might notice me, or that I might notice somebody who I want so that they can do life with me.
No, I assume that this is my life because it is.
I live in the present moment.
So now what happens is, if a romantic partner comes into my life later, they become an addition to my dream, because they are not my dream.
Change how you see it.
A lot of us don't even dream our friends in.
We don't dream our community in.
We don't dream the people who say that we love, the people who have been there for us for decades, for years.
The people who have seen you through your 10 romantic relationships.
You don't dream them in, but you're literally fantasizing about someone you've never, ever met i'm.
It's really crazy to me now.
This does not mean you suddenly don't want, you know, a partner, but it's a want, not a need.
I go out and i find all the joy that i can in the moment because why not?
This is my life.
Now, when somebody comes in 10 years, 12 years or never, i have a whole life and i'm not looking back going oh, i have done nothing.
My life sucked.
No, because i lived my life.
I lived.
I was here.
Yes, When I leave this world, I leave no regrets.
That's the song.
I lived, I loved, I did, I did, and I was here.
That's it.
Every day you wake up and you're like, I want to be here in my life.
I want to participate.
Again, this is not me trying to convince you not to date.
Please go date.
Go have fun.
Go out and be coupled up.
But I'm saying while you are single, you don't have to be miserable.
And someone might say to me, yes, but Pearl, we don't exist in a vacuum.
Like when you go outside, you see people that are coupled.
You might even have pressure from your family.
People might be asking questions about why you're not in a relationship, all these things.
Now I get it, but I don't know about you.
I only pay attention to the words of the people who have my best interests at heart.
People who won't try to mock me or shame me into a way of being.
And this leads me into self-love.
And I know self-love is not a replacement for romantic love.
I know.
But what self-love does for you is that it keeps you steady.
I love myself so much that I refuse to chase cheap dopamine just because you know, just because i can.
No, i love myself enough to know that i'm a complete person and i don't need somebody else to come and complete me that i'm whole.
I just love myself too much to compromise my standards.
I love myself too much to settle for a life i don't want just because i want somebody.
And i think the final thing is to build a life so full that it doesn't need filling hobbies.
Increase my portfolio.
Solo dates.
Friends.
Grow in my career.
You know, do things I've never done before.
Before anyone says anything, you're out watching movies.
You're out taking yourself out.
If you have a meal you want to eat, you're outside eating it.
If you have something you want to try, you're already there.
You want to travel, you've booked your flight.
You're not asking anybody, oh, do you want to travel with me?
You're a mover.
You're just going because you know that your life is enough.
You're not waiting for somebody to come into your life and make it worth living.
You're living your life because you are worth it.
So yes, do all the things you would do with a partner.
All the things you dream of doing with a partner.
Dress up.
Change your hair.
Change your looks.
Wear things that turn you on.
I'm telling telling you.
So, when you're somebody that has a life to live, things to create, things to build, even if you want somebody quote unquote, you're asking the question do they fit into this life that I want, into this dream of mine?
Okay.
You're not literally sweating and crying every night.
Oh my God, I can't, I can't, I just can't believe I'm alone.
Oh my God.
I'd rather not live like that.
I think a lot of us don't realize that the energy we spend in relationships, they are creative energy.
And I'm not pulling this shit out of my bum.
My comments under one of my particular videos.
People are saying really crazy stuff about what they would do if they never get a romantic relationship.
And my mind is blown.
Why?
Why life is full of so much love and the thing is, nobody is guaranteed a romantic partner.
It's really a battle with your mind.
And then you accept that you have lonely days, because you will.
You have days when you wish for a specific type of relationship, days when you wish to get a touch from a lover fine But you don't see it as something to survive.
You don't see it as a signal for something.
You see it as a fact of life because it is a fact of life.
It's the same feeling somebody who doesn't have friends feels.
It's the same ache.
They might have a husband or a wife or a boyfriend or a girlfriend or a romantic partner.
But then they have days when they wish they had girlfriends.
They're feeling that pang too.
So it's not this special carved out thing where oh, i don't have a romantic partner.
There's something deeply wrong with me.
It's a battle with your mind.
If you win it in here, you'll win it out there.
And, by the way, romantic love is beautiful.
I'm telling you, i'm a lover, i'm a lover.
Don't get it twisted.
Love is a beautiful thing, but don't let it take over your life.
You're a full human being expressing.
So go express, go live.
Honestly, the goal is to get 90 to 95% of it.
And if you're okay, 90 to 95% of it, you've won.
That's it.
Because this life is for living.
And how sad will it be if you spend your entire life cowering and being sad and heavy and wallowing in the idea that you haven't been picked romantically.
Oh how sad.
My love, i don't wish that for you and you shouldn't wish that for yourself.
Anyway, i'll be gone.
I'll be gone.
Don't hate me too much.
Don't hate me too much bye.
