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This is The Happy Pot from the BBC World Service.
I'm Janet Jalil and in this edition, lessons in kindness from a woman inspired by trying to understand why a stranger risked his life to save hers.
I do kind of think I know what he would say, because it is so consistent in everybody that I've ever talked to, which is it just seemed like the obvious thing to do.
I felt like I had the ability to help them and so I did.
It's a message echoed by a man who donated a kidney to help someone he'd first met in tragic circumstances.
Giving the gift of life, for me it's just a human thing to do.
You know, people have said I'm the hero.
I don't see it that way.
I just see that anyone with a heart would give something to keep someone else alive.
Also, when you think about treatment in all sorts of things now, it's because of trials.
It's innovation and everything else.
There was no question.
We hear what it's like to be a patient involved in testing new medical treatments.
The extra benefits of a scheme designed to improve the health of fathers and their children.
Not only is it fun, but those children who are exposed to quality, rough and tumble play have better emotional regulation, better social skills, because it actually develops the part of their brain.
Plus the soft toy that's been a surprise hit with young workers in China.
We will keep selling it because this crying horse really suits the reality of modern working people.
Thank you so much for having me.
And it's these people that fascinate Dr Abigail Marsh, a professor of psychology and neuroscience at Georgetown University in Washington.
She studies the brains of altruists, those who selflessly aid others without expecting anything in return.
The Happy Pod's, Riley Farrell went to meet her and started by asking her why some people instinctively help others.
I know this will sound self-evident, but most of the research we have done shows that people who are very altruistic help other people because they care about other people.
Which I know sounds sort of almost too obvious to believe.
But you would be amazed how many other explanations there have been for why some people are very altruistic.
And I understand that you have a personal reason for being interested in what makes people help strangers.
Yes, I can trace my interest in understanding the origins of altruism to an event that took place when I was a teenager and was driving when, as I was coming across an overpass, a dog ran out in front of my car.
And I did what most people instinctively do, which is swerve, to try to avoid it.
And that sent my car fishtailing and then spinning around the freeway until it came to a stop in the fast lane of the freeway on this overpass that had no shoulders facing backward into the oncoming traffic.
And the engine died somewhere in this chaos.
I was sure in that moment that I was also going to die.
Until a stranger appeared at the passenger side of my car and, in this incredibly warm, reassuring voice that I will never forget, said you look like you could use some help.
He got into the driver's seat, you know, gunned the car back across the freeway.
And then, after he made sure I was going to be OK, he even offered to follow me home, because I'm sure I'd look like a mess.
You know, he said, OK, well, then you take care of yourself.
And off he went again.
And I never found out his name.
I never said thank you.
I don't think.
But the goodness and greatness of what he did really had an effect on me.
What would you say to him if you saw him?
I would probably burst into tears.
I guess I would certainly want to know why.
You know and I've asked dozens or hundreds of altruists at this point why they made the decision to help a stranger at a risk or cost to themselves.
I would want to ask my rescuer the same question, but I do kind of think I know what he would say because it is so consistent in everybody that I've ever talked to, which is?
It just seemed like the obvious thing to do, right.
This person was going to die.
And I felt like I had the ability to help them.
And so I did.
What do your findings reveal about how our brains process compassion?
The first research that my lab did, looking at very altruistic people, my initial prediction was that we would find the opposite of the patterns we typically find in psychopathic people.
Like people who are psychopathic, tend to have a structure in the brain called the amygdala that is smaller than in the average person.
And that's important because that structure seems to be involved in responding to people's distress.
And so the very first study we did with very altruistic people showed that in fact they do look the opposite of people who are psychopathic.
They're better at recognizing others' distress.
Their brain reacts more strongly to others' distress, in particular the amygdala, and the amygdala is larger than it is in the average person.
Can the average person become more altruistic?
I would say the middle of the road, ordinary person absolutely has the capacity for altruism.
And the fact that most people do feel good when they help other people is, I think, a really nice demonstration of how altruistic the average person is capable of being.
Now capable of being altruistic is not the same thing as expressing that altruism in terms of how we can improve people's altruism.
In general, when people are flourishing, they're even more likely to be altruistic.
My recommendation to people who want to be more altruistic is sort of like analogous to the recommendation people get when it comes to exercise.
What most people will tell you is if you want to get fitter A, just start and pick something that you like.
So when it comes to helping people, my advice is exactly the same.
Come up with a plan.
If you're an extroverted person and you like doing social things to help people, you know working in a soup kitchen or working in some sort of organization where you're working with other people to help others.
That's maybe the best route for you.
If you like animals, volunteer for an animal shelter.
I just I don't think there's a wrong way to do it because what happens is helping begets helping.
I really do think that the only way to affect durable change in yourself is through action.
Dr Abigail Marsh.
Well, that willingness to do whatever you can to help others in their time of need is at the heart of our next story too.
When Tim Swinburne first met Claire Brixey in England in 2004, she was already suffering from kidney failure and he was the police officer who had to break the news to her that her son Ashley, had died in a road accident.
The support he offered led to a lasting friendship, and when her first transplant began to fail, Tim didn't hesitate to offer her one of his own kidneys, as Claire from Somerset in southwest England explains.
I said to Tim that my kidney was failing and he said to me well, in that case you're going to have one in mine and I'm not going to take no for an answer.
I didn't know what to say, to be honest, at the time, because it didn't come as a surprise to me coming from him.
But it's such an incredible thing to do.
And he kept saying to me you're absolutely certain you want to do this, because it's such a big thing.
And he was adamant that he really wanted to do it.
And he always made me feel really comfortable with accepting it.
When he said to me about I would have one of his and he won't take no for an answer.
He also said you won't ever owe me anything.
And I don't feel that I owe him anything.
But obviously he feels like he's a member of this family and he knows he's a member of this family and he knows that if he ever really needs us, we're here.
Well, Tim has been speaking to the BBC's Sue Kinnear.
I've always had admiration for Claire.
The number of times that she'd have Ashley's friends round the house to comfort them, and I'm sure that she'd say that actually gave her comfort being able to comfort them.
And at that time you somehow, giving her the worst news imaginable, managed to keep a friendship going and start a friendship.
Claire's just one of those special people.
And we've joked over the last few months because we've obviously spent a lot more time together over the last few months with the donation.
But we're just like siblings.
We think the same.
We could probably answer the same questions.
And it's just that bond.
You meet someone in this life that... you're just attracted to as a friendship base.
And she's an amazing friend.
You know, in my life, I've had my ups and downs and she's been there for me and vice versa.
So, yeah, it's been amazing.
And our friendship is just amazing.
And all those years ago, you were there for Claire when she was getting her first kidney.
And you've kept this marvellous close friendship.
But it's quite something to go from that to saying, have a kidney.
How did that come about?
When Claire told me that her kidney was failing, as I've just said, we are like siblings.
And it was just the natural thing.
Let's see if mine matches, and if it does, you can have it.
And the number of times she said to me, are you sure, are you sure, are you sure?
I know she would have done the same for me because that is the relationship that we have.
So there was no question in my mind.
So we'd spent 18 months going through all the tests and everything else.
And thankfully, you know, it was accepted.
And you know to see her on a.
You know know she's out there riding a horse again to see her with her grandchildren and her daughter.
I mean absolutely amazing.
And that's the reason I've done it, because she is one of the people in life that deserved to live and not suffer.
And so do you.
You've given the gift of life.
That is an incredibly special thing to have done.
And you say you take great pleasure from seeing Claire doing well, but how are you doing?
You're a kidney down, mate.
We went through all the questions and everything else.
There's a one in 3,000 chance of me not making it and things like that.
I spoke with my family, my children, and they've been very supportive too.
But giving the gift of life, I don't know, for me it's just a human thing to do.
If you can save someone's life, especially someone like Claire, and as much as people have said, I'm the hero.
I don't see it that way.
I just see that anyone with a heart would give something to keep someone else alive.
Tim Swinburne talking about why he donated his kidney to his friend Claire.
And if you've ever received help that changed your life or perhaps you've been the one to save someone else we'd love to hear from you.
You can send us an email or a voice note to globalpodcast at bbc.co.uk.
Here on The Happy Pod, we often talk about groundbreaking new medical treatments and drugs that are transforming or saving people's lives.
They're usually the result of clinical trials, but would you be willing to take part in one, not knowing if the treatment being tested would work?
Well, last summer a study here in the UK found a new, more effective way to treat the most common form of leukaemia in adults.
The Happy Pod's Frankie McCamley has been speaking to one of the patients who took part.
You'll usually find Catherine outside on her ride-on lawnmower, which she affectionately calls her tractor.
I would say probably after my grandchildren, that's my... Oh, I mustn't let him hear that.
That's my first love, my sitting on the tractor.
She uses it to get around and maintain the fish farm she runs in Leeds in the north of England, breeding trout to sell to local markets and restaurants.
We're in the middle of nowhere and it's peaceful, quiet.
It's absolutely stunning.
A few years ago, though, she noticed changes to her health.
She lost a lot of weight, felt really tired and constantly ached.
After getting blood tests done, she was diagnosed with a form of blood cancer called chronic lymphocytic leukaemia, or CLL.
Catherine still remembers how it felt to receive the initial diagnosis from her doctor.
I just thought I was going to die.
I thought, that's it.
That's the first thing you think.
Yes.
And he said, I suspect it's a form of leukemia.
And I just thought, oh, my God, I'm going to die.
My first thought was I'll never see my grandchildren.
And it still makes me go, oh, that's horrible.
I can't even think about that.
She saw a specialist who reassured her and asked if she would be willing to help develop new treatments by joining a trial.
No question.
You have to move forward.
You have to do it.
It's not a question.
And, you know, when you think about treatment in all sorts of things now, it's because of trials.
It's innovation and everything else.
There was no question.
The FLARE trial she took part in involved nearly 800 adults with this form of leukaemia at 96 centres across the UK.
Patients were given personalised treatment plans taking two targeted drugs already used for this condition, but in new ways guided by blood tests.
Doctors then compared the results to two other treatments commonly used for CLL a single targeted drug and a form of chemotherapy.
The trial was led by Dr Talha Munir at Leeds Teaching Hospital's NHS Trust.
These are two drugs which are called targeted therapies.
And what we found was that if we use this combination of ibrutinib and venetoclax, delivered in a very specific way which is different to standard way, we are seeing that 94 of the patients will be free of disease at five years time point.
In comparison, only 79 of those on the single drug and 58 on chemotherapy saw no disease progression in five years.
Dr Munir says the results have been groundbreaking, with better survival rates and fewer long-term side effects.
So these drugs have really revolutionised the outcomes for our patients and Most patients have got so good quality of life that it is I couldn't have believed that where we were standing nearly 15 years ago.
And now we are in a situation where we're talking about curing some of these diseases, which was not a possibility before.
As for Catherine, she's now cancer-free and happy she chose to take part in the trial.
And the fact that you didn't have to go through chemo, how does that sit with you?
Oh, that is a massive relief, you know, because I imagine that that's what I would do and that's what would have to be done once.
I was, you know, when they first told me, but the relief was massive.
And when I realised how simple it was just to wake up and go, oh, take my tablets, yes, much easier.
And Kathy, I mean, I'm looking at you now and you look fantastic and you're full of beans.
How are you now?
Oh, great, yeah, great, yeah.
I feel very well and very healthy.
And you've got grandchildren now?
Yes, I have.
Absolutely adorable.
I go and see them and I just think, I just can't imagine not ever have seen them, you know.
And, yeah, yeah, so they're a joy.
Catherine Whitfield, ending that report by Frankie McCamley.
Still to come in this podcast how letting prisoners play with their children could help to stop them reoffending.
What we want to achieve is to maintain and strengthen the relationships that they have with their children, to be better fathers, to be better role models.
A scheme created in Australia to help dads become better parents through play has inspired a project thousands of miles away in a prison.
The inmates in Scotland are taught parenting skills, and then their children are invited into the prison to take part in play sessions with them.
We'll hear more about that in a moment, but first to the original scheme Healthy Dads, Healthy Kids, which began 15 years ago to encourage fathers to act as role models when it comes to diet and exercise.
And research has shown it has real benefits for both generations.
My colleague, Myra Anubi, has been speaking to its founder, Professor Philip Morgan.
This started as a way to help fathers lose weight.
But then we realized the holistic benefits of the program, given the challenges we have in society of physical inactivity, of poor dietary behaviors.
So we get a huge range of father figures that sign up.
And what's really interesting is that usually about half are signed up by their partners.
They're like, what's this I'm being signed up for?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
They're like, you should go along and do this.
It'd be good to spend some time with the children.
What exactly does the program involve?
What do the dads do?
There's a dad's only session at the start and that'd be covering the role of fathers and sports skills how to emotionally connect with their children.
And then they come in with their children together.
So they do education content together.
And then the practical session, which is really fun, where rough and tumble play and aerobic and muscular fitness.
So they're getting a workout, they're developing their physical skills and having a lot of fun.
It's interesting you should say this.
I have kids and every time my husband is throwing them up in the air, I'm just like, stop.
But you're saying some of these things are very valuable.
Why?
Yeah, that's really interesting, because many fathers bond with their children in what's known as an activation relationship.
In very rough ways.
Yeah, yeah.
This is so good for children.
Clearly, helping them develop their sports skills is important so they become more competent and confident and more likely to play sports, which is good for your physical and mental health.
There's a fascinating science behind that.
Not only is it fun, but those children who are exposed to quality, rough and tumble play have better emotional regulation, better social skills, because it actually develops the part of their brain, the prefrontal cortex.
So reasoning and problem solving and creativity and decision making are So quality, rough and tumble play well.
It looks like hey, stop mucking around.
There's a science behind how important that is for children.
Professor Philip Morgan.
Well, to find out how his ideas have shaped the new family scheme, Myra Anubi went to visit Barlinnie Prison in Glasgow.
A group of children are playing happily with their dads.
It could be a typical scene in any gym, but we are in a prison gym inside Scotland's biggest jail, and the men are serving sentences for crimes such as drugs and fraud.
Okay, so what we're going to do is start with a wee warm-up.
We're going to get a game of tag.
They play a variety of games designed to get both dads and kids fit and to have fun together.
The dads are pretending to be surfboards.
So they're lying on these mats and the kids stand on them and they have to pretend that they're surfing.
There's lots of laughter, also a lot of people falling down.
This is one of the researchers behind it, Cindy Gray from the University of Glasgow.
What we want to achieve is to provide an opportunity for people in prison to maintain and strengthen their the relationships that they have with their children, to be better fathers, to be better role models.
And the idea is then, that family relationships are strengthening, that the children have better relationships with their fathers.
Do you guys know the benefits of self-eating?
Just shout them out.
Better sleep arm.
Sleep arm.
Less weight.
The prisoners who have been selected all have school-aged children.
The course is once a week for eight days, and it starts with a classroom session on parenting skills, such as the dangers of screen time or the benefits of exercise.
Today, the main focus is on what their children eat.
Chris is serving a sentence for supplying drugs.
He rejects the idea that people who've committed crimes shouldn't be getting benefits like this.
I know everyone in prison is a bad person.
And also, it's not your kids' or your family's fault that you're in prison.
So it's no fair that I'm not there to play games with him or teach him how to tie his laces.
It's not his fault I'm in here.
He's not done anything wrong.
It's me.
The course is also trying to help the families of the prisoners.
One of the mothers who'd brought her daughter in today told me how much these sessions mean for them.
They get to run about like crazy and then we get to go and have dinner with them.
I get dead emotional actually, because it's Well just watching.
I'm feeling emotional as well, so I can imagine what that's like for you.
It is and it's so emotional.
See, when we went for a meal the first time, it's like the simple things you missed.
We can wait.
But listen, it's great.
I'm so glad we've got the opportunity to do this and I hope other families get to do it as well, because you can see how great it is.
At the end of the day, the families get a chance to eat dinner together and have a chat.
Sitting, having a normal family dinner, just talking, playing games, maybe ice pie.
So you don't really get the opportunity in other visits to actually sit and have food, but you can sit and have a bit of pizza and a bit of normality.
The course has so far run five times here at Balini Jail and it's early days for the research, but Cindy Gray believes it can have a long-term impact.
The men they know themselves for the first time, that their important role that they have in their children's lives and that they want to be with them.
And that desire to be a good dad translates to being a good person.
Through that, we think that's the mechanism through which re-offending will reduce.
After the dinner there are many hugs and tears, as the prisoners have to say goodbye to their families.
These dads will only have three more weeks on the course before a new group starts.
But it's hoped that the effects can be long lasting.
And you can hear more about that scheme on People Fixing the World.
Just go to wherever you get your BBC podcasts.
A toy has gone viral in China, but not for a reason you might expect.
The Happy Pod's Tamzin Selby has the details.
At Yiwu International Trade City, China's largest wholesale market, customers crowd into a small shop, searching for an unlikely bestseller ahead of the Lunar New Year.
The object making the crowd's flock is a frowning red soft toy horse.
According to shop owners selling the toy, it was originally made in error after a worker sewed a smile on the horse upside down, making the nostrils look a lot like tears.
From February, China will celebrate the start of the Year of the Horse, the zodiac sign symbolising high energy and hard work.
But the success of this sad plushie suggests that lots of workers in China are not feeling the vibe.
Zhang Haoxing is the owner of Happy Sister, a shop in the eastern city of Yiwu.
She says she expected to issue refunds for the toy but was surprised when it seemed customers were embracing the mistake.
A lot of customers like it and they said it makes sense that it suits the spirit of today's corporate slaves.
Many customers liked it and then it started selling very well.
So we just kept producing them.
Right now it's pretty good.
Sales are quite good.
Zhang says some of her customers have joked that the crying horse is how you look at work, while the smiling one is how you look after work.
And one buyer told the South China Morning Post that with this crying toy in the year of the horse, they hoped to leave all their grievances at work behind and keep only happiness.
Now the toy is red for good luck, with a golden collar and bell around its neck, and has the phrase money comes quickly, embroidered on its body in golden letters.
It also taps into a broader trend for so-called ugly cute toys, popularised in recent years by characters such as Pop Mart's toothy monster Labubu.
But another shop owner in Yiwu, Lu Chenzian, has been taken aback by the response.
I feel really surprised, but our thinking has to follow the customer's preferences and needs.
I understand.
It's the kind of emotional value young people look for these days.
Despite the mix-up, the customers keep coming.
And Zhang Haoxing from Happy Sister hopes the animal's gloomy expression will continue to resonate.
We will keep selling it because this crying horse really suits the reality of modern working people.
They aren't going to stop working once the new year passes, right?
And that's all from The Happy Pod for now.
If you have a story to share or you want to comment on anything in this episode, we'd love to hear from you.
As ever, the address is globalpodcastatbbc.co.uk.
And you can now watch some of our interviews on YouTube.
Just search for The Happy Pod.
This edition was mixed by Mark Pickett.
The producers were Holly Gibbs, Tamsin Selby and Rachel Bulkley.
The editor is Karen Martin.
I'm Janette Jalil.
Until next time, goodbye.
