My name is Josh, I'm a co -host on The Imperfects and the son of Sri Lankan and English immigrants and I call Australia home.
I'd like to recognise the traditional peoples of this continent whose land was stolen nearly 250 years ago.
In particular, we at The Imperfects would like to acknowledge the Wurundjeri people of the Kulin nation, as the traditional owners of the land on which this podcast was recorded and we extend our respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples.
I'm inspired by the world's oldest living culture and we at The Imperfects pay homage to the traditions of story when we share stories on our podcast.
Mmm It's time to open up.
Oh, yeah It's time.
It's time. Oh, it is.
To lean on your friends.
Be nice. It's time.
To be vulnerable. Oh, I try.
And you. Why? Why do we get vulnerable?
Because vulnerability.
Oh. Least stronger.
Connection. Oh, that's right, baby.
The Imperfects are getting vony.
Yeah, here we are. This is an experiment.
Really? This is getting vony and we thought we've for a while now, you know, we talk every week.
We have show every week, episode every week, but it's often about the guests, which is great.
Like that's what the podcast is all about, you know?
But every now and again, the three of us, you know, we have something vulnerable that we would like to talk about and we've been wanting for a while to have a way on the podcast that every now and again, semi regularly, we could catch up and get vulnerable.
And we've decided to make it sexy.
Just a very big shout out to my wife, Penny, who has never ever heard that voice before.
Lucky her. Unlike the Tea House, which is like you pick a card and you kind of have to think of something.
This is like, we're bringing something.
Yeah, we have something.
Yeah, yeah. To me, it's a bit like the vulnerability update we used to do.
Oh, that's right. We did that a couple of times, but it wasn't branded or fame.
This is much more fun.
Yeah. Yeah. Why not make it sexy?
Stick it in some lingerie.
Yeah. A bit hot under the collar.
Stocking. Stocking, so my head is like a symbol of sexiness.
Yeah. I don't either.
I think, I think it's the stockings are a thing, aren't they?
No, definitely. But I think you're thinking of like Mrs.
Robinson. Yeah. Like the graduate.
But yeah, no, stockings are very sexy here.
You're right. Do we wear those things?
Stockings that have those clips and then go up to the waist?
It's like a garter.
Is that like an old -fashioned thing?
I've never seen. I think that still exists.
Oh, really? Why would you wear them?
Keep the stockings up, I guess.
I assume that's the form of - But there's no undies involved.
It's just like... No, but aren't they, hang on, what are they attached to then?
Just around the waist.
Just like... I assume that the mechanics is that the stocking would come down without something to clip it on to.
Yes. And so the thing around the waist that is an undies is like a, like a belt.
You can hang them off.
Because a symbol of, it's a, that's the sexiest way I can just go.
It's like, it's, it's rigged up to a belt.
Right? Bit of a scaph around the waist.
Because I mean, that is like a symbol of sexiness.
But when I think about it, if I found myself in a position where someone would be, it would be Penny, was to be wearing that.
I'd go, what are you wearing that for?
And I'd giggle. That would kill the mood massively.
I'm sure they had appreciated that a lot if you laughed at them in there.
I would tit -a -so. That's a sign, isn't it?
I don't know, you. I think it is.
I think it is. Tit -a -so.
I reckon tit -a -so. If you tit -a -so.
Is it tit -a or tit -a?
Oh my God. Not this again.
I feel like you've, I feel like you've just been ripped out of 1945 and dropped in the studio.
Stockings, garter belts and tit -a -so.
Tit -a -so for those who are interested, means to giggle.
Great. Oh, I get you.
Yeah. I would tit -a -so.
Just in case people thought I was saying, if I saw those, I would then, I would then say no more.
So, we are getting volley.
Josh, you wanted to get volley about something.
I did. Yeah, I want to get volley.
Is that what, do we say that?
Yeah, of course. Get volley, baby.
And we, and this is like also, you know, we're always trying to encourage people to get volley.
Yeah. And you can get volley at home.
You can get volley at work, you know.
Yeah, perhaps you're feeling volley.
You're not feeling a bit volley.
Yeah. I think I've got a volley.
Anyway. Okay. Josh.
Josh. All right. So, my, my volley.
So, it's a bit of an update on something that has been in the show before.
It's going back quite a few apps now, but I originally shared a story in which I had some lyrics that I'd, when I was trying to write songs when I was younger, and they were ridiculed at a party and it stopped me writing lyrics for many, many years and trying to write songs and it sort of, yeah, killed
a bit of a, a dream.
A dream. Yeah. And off the back of that, for the live show, when we were developing it, we came up with the idea that it might be a good act of vulnerability for me to try and write a song.
At the end of that show, I wrote the song.
It was bloody hard and unpleasant to do so, but I wrote it and performed it.
And the experience was one of the best things I've ever done.
The show in general was one of the best things I've ever done.
But being able to stand up there and write something and perform something I was actually genuinely proud of, proud of as in itself, but also just proud of the fact that I did it, felt incredible.
Then we recorded the song and released the song and that was just one of the most incredible experiences of my life.
Having, putting that song online and getting the feedback that I got from people I found so overwhelming.
I have to the point where I ended up turning off my Instagram because I found it too much to get, I couldn't handle that much praise, which is something I cannot relate.
But I'll never. I mean, I don't think Hugh or I or Bridge will ever forget, like when we were rehearsing for the live show in a hall and it was sort of came to the day where you needed to play the song for us for the first time and none of us had heard it before.
Maybe you had Bridge heard it or.
No, no one. No one had heard it.
Yeah, and you played it for us.
And because of course, of course, like I've got full faith in you, but I've never heard you play original song before.
I'm like, I hope I love it.
Like I hope would have been, you know, because it's, you never want to have to, you know, yeah, fake it.
And I was so excited for you because I was like, this is an ink.
It's an incredible song.
And I was just so excited for you that you'd like done it.
It's like that, that feeling of accomplishment when you make something that you yeah, you just like created from nothing.
It was so cool. And thank you.
And the, but the way that kind of worked, I didn't write it.
Like I tried really hard for months.
It was very painful.
And I think it like two weeks out from the show or something, I didn't have a song.
And it was like pressure.
Now I have to do this.
And I did it. And it was great.
And it was a, I felt like, oh, this is a new me.
This is a person who does has the I'm reluctant to use the word because I don't have, this is someone who has the courage to do something that feels a bit bold and a bit hard and pushed through, I'm no longer the person that hides behind many reasons to not pursue something that I love.
And then a few people at the time said, are you going to write more music?
And I said, yeah, I definitely will.
It's a bit tricky at the moment with kids, but I can't wait.
Like, I feel like I'm excited to try and write some I've got a few other ideas from the preparing for the show I'd love to explore.
And that was exciting.
Particularly because you've now said that you're going to write a song and then you did.
Yeah. So now I imagine it's it's sort of like, you've got to be careful with what you, with your words.
Like when someone says you're going to do more, you probably like, yup, I could, but I don't want to put a date on it.
Yeah, absolutely. Yeah.
So there was a bit of trepidation.
And I'm also debating this thing in my mind all the time of like writing us that took a lot of energy and time really.
And it took time away from my family to do it.
And so I was also thinking, well, that was good, but maybe right now in your life is not the time to be doing that because you, I put a lot of pressure on myself probably too much to be a really good dad and really good partner.
And I've, and I've, for whatever reason, I've got this dialogue on my head at any time I take away from the family for anything that's for myself is, uh, selfish and wasting, not just selfish, but also wasting the precious time I'll have with these kids at this amazing age when they're young, that you
only get certain, a certain amount of summers and, and chances to spend time with your children when they're young.
Um, and I feel like if I sit in a room for a day trying to write something and nothing comes out, then I've just wasted one precious day that I could have had just with them.
Um, but then it's sort of started to occur to me that I think I'm using that as a bit of an excuse to not write.
Cause I'm scared of, of not being able to write another song or it's quite an unpleasant process to do it.
Oh, I found it quite strangely unpleasant, but then just a really, it's also kind of like checkmating yourself.
It's kind of giving yourself an ultimatum and it's like not even, you can get past that excuse.
It's like, what are you going to not spend time with your kids?
Yeah. It sort of feels like an impossible barrier to cross.
Absolutely. Yeah. And so up until now, I haven't really, like I could, apart from playing and preparing for the live show, I've picked up a musical instrument like twice, I think.
Um, and yeah, so I just haven't gone down that path.
Um, and then I started to get really flat on myself.
I thought, why aren't you one of those people that can just motivate yourself?
You do want this like you do.
You enjoyed the feeling of creating something and, and not just being on a sort of daily process of work, kids, work, kids.
There was something else that you love doing there.
Um, and I started to really have a go at myself and there are people out there like, like Ryan or Hugh, to be honest, who are so motivated to do things like Ryan's writing a TV show.
Hugh's got about 10 ,000 things on it once, and has never lacked for motivation to work harder and do things and put things out in the world.
You're one of those people that just doesn't do it and you don't have the self control, the self, the motivation, the discipline to, to do it.
Um, and I was having a bit of a chat to bridge and thinking about a little more, and it just sort of hit me one morning when I was coming into work, like maybe rather than having to go at myself, I should actually just be realistic with myself and say, well, you're not a person that can just work away
at stuff without a deadline.
You need a deadline to do something, to actually get something done.
And so I thought I should be publicly accountable for this deadline.
So my Volney is that I'm going to do a gig later on this year in December.
I have got a massive Volney.
Sorry, just don't distract you because John's currently calling you all over the table.
So we'll cut that back.
Oh, that's where the line is.
Just joking. Um, so I'm going to do a gig this, uh, December.
Maybe like a cruise.
I guess you could say it's like a Christmas gig or something and book a venue.
Um, I told, uh, I tentatively, which is, I don't think you suggest anything to Beck Sutherland tentatively and not expect something to happen.
Beck Sutherland being our manager, man, rise manager, also mom of the podcast.
And I sent her a voice note.
She was extremely helpful with the song and getting the song recorded and the whole process of the song.
She's a big part of the reason it happened.
And I sort of sent her a voice note tentatively saying I'm thinking about this thing.
And she wrote back saying she's going to get like all the people at a company onto booking venues and like, just get it.
She's like, love it.
Let's do it. And it's basically now in the motion.
Cause if you tell Beck something, you got an idea, it happens.
Um, and so, oh my god, this is exciting, which is daunting considering I've had the idea a month ago, I still haven't even started writing something, but the challenge for me then is to write I think maybe six songs, uh, to add to the one I've got.
And I guess I come to a cover or two.
So if it's like an eight song set list, it'll be at the Northgate social club on the 12th of December, a Thursday night.
Um, and tickets on sale at Oztix .com .au.
Oh my God. Are you saying tickets are on sale now?
Yup. Tickets are on sale now.
We'll put a link in the show notes.
Josh. There's not many.
I'm booking a venue that will have about a hundred people.
So. And I think, I think just for some context for, for new listeners of the podcast who don't know the, the full proper backstory of what you've gone through from this, from my, if you go back and listen to the old episodes, which we'll link to, but essentially you have had to come over so much self
-doubt and you know, so much to be able to get to a point where you could even write that song and perform it live.
So this is, you know, people might hear this and go like, Hey, you booked in a show and it's not very vulnerable, but contextually it's hugely, hugely vulnerable.
Yeah. It feels a bit like I'm on a ledge, but I also, I'm terrified of putting out, out anything into world that's not fully published and fully worked out.
The idea of committing to this gig when I don't even have one more song means that I might get to a point where I've got six songs that are sort of halfway there.
I'm just going to have to perform them, which is terrifying.
Yeah. But I guess it is what it is by that point.
But it's not like, I mean, I know you know this.
You've done heaps of live performing, but it's not, it's not like this is the one show you'll do, you know, I, I, Unless it's really bad.
Well, when you, when you say it like that, I think of it like a stand up comedian who is like, you know, they're not, they're not working up to a show going like all my jokes for this first show, I do have to be absolutely perfect and polished.
Yeah. It'll take them, you know, weeks, months, years to polish them to the point where they're like, okay.
I think that joke's done now.
Yeah. You know, it could be a bit like that, but I'm actually, I'm interested to know now that you've said that I have, I think I have a similar, even though I know it appears to you I'm very disciplined and whatever I can do is, I need a deadline.
If I don't have a deadline, I will not do it.
And particularly a public deadline.
But how do you feel now that you've said it?
Are you like, what are the emotions?
Right now, to be honest, I'm thinking, well, I guess we have to not a live recording.
So we could just delete the recording and try to think of ways out.
But do you actually, would you actually want to like, I'd be really, that'd be quite disappointing.
I feel like this is all steps on the way to, I was writing down before some thoughts about this whole thing.
And was it James Clear, who was on you about making, moving in the direction of the person you want to be.
And I feel like this is baby steps into the person I want to be.
Because I think I'd...
Casting a vote for the person you want to be.
Yeah. And I'm trying to reconcile it with the kids thing in that, in 20 years to come, no, yeah, 20 years or less, I guess, if I'm talking honestly with my kids about stuff, and they came across that song, and they were like, oh, that was pretty good.
Like, why didn't you do more?
I would hate to say because I was too scared to.
Oh, Josh, that is the best thing.
My head's going to like this, like this show.
I'm like, do you have a name for it?
No. I think my name would be a pretty good...
I think the show could be good.
Good question. That's the band.
It's true. Good question.
So you'll be playing.
So it's an eight -ish track.
Yeah, I guess so. Yeah, it's a set.
I don't know how many numbers, but it will have to fill out a set of music and that can't just be covers.
I think it needs to be 80 % original.
Are you thinking it'll, you'll have a band with you?
I'd love to, but I don't really have a band or...
I'm sure you might have to pull.
You know some dudes.
I know some dudes. Yeah.
I can slap the bass if you're interested.
Yeah. I'll give it a go.
I'd love to play bongos, the bongo drums.
I've always thought that's it.
Yeah. Every time I go to Byron Bay and see people singing by the beach playing them, I'm like, I want to do that.
You know. That's good.
No, I kind of know what you mean.
Write some bongos in somewhere, I'll get a few minutes to practice.
Cool. That's interesting to go.
Amazingly. I've got such kind of such a little confidence in the whole thing that my main thought then was I'm just glad you guys might come because that might mean people turn up and it becomes a fool.
Josh, I have the hundred seat venue is ridiculous.
Like you're gonna need a lot more than 100 seats.
The other thing I wanted to add that's made me feel like less alone in this is that I, one of my all time great musical heroes is Nick Cave.
And we were, a lot of people have recently seen the Australian story he did.
And I loved the end of that interview where he talked about how he finds writing music an incredibly unpleasant experience.
And then he, because he dreads it, he puts a deadline in the future of when the album has to be written and he just has to get it done by that time.
And to think that's like, in my mind, one of the greatest songwriters and artists and a North Star of who I would, who I aspire to be more like in the creative authenticity and honesty and depth at which he attempts to get to and does get to.
Even he has to sort of trick himself into doing it.
Made me feel a little less alone and a little more inspired to give this a go.
Do you, I mean, yes, that Nick Cave interview is so, so great.
And yeah, kind of like weirdly validating.
Because the sort of, I think image or myth of Nick Cave was that he's like this super disciplined, which probably is, but like that it just sort of falls out of his pen.
Yeah. You know, and it's just like, like, do it.
And like, you know, like you hear about Paul McCartney and John Lennon.
Yeah. You know, you hear the stories about them, like Paul saying to John, Hey, should we go ride a swimming pool?
They're just like, they just knew they could ride a hit and just pay for a swimming pool instantly.
You just imagine Nick Cave to be like that, but to hear him that it wasn't.
Yeah. I just, I just find it astonishing that anyone can do anything creative, unless there is a hard deadline that they can't get out of.
I think that that's amazing.
If that's people can do that.
This is just the best, this is the best, um, like end to the year for us.
I just feel like with all we've been through the three of us and all of us, everyone who works in the show, the six of us and the journey with this season with the live tour to have an event like this, um, where we're all so emotionally invested in something.
I just, I love it so much.
I dare say that Hugh was as emotionally invested as Josh is.
Maybe more. Maybe more.
Yeah. So that feels pretty Volney actually have that out there.
Oh yeah. Well, Josh, that is what a great first get in Volney.
That is so exciting.
I think we might retire the segment now.
Well, we may never do get in Volney again, but it is like we said, it's, it's a thing that we can just pull out of the bottom draw whenever we want to.
The three of us want to talk about something Volney.
I've got this in the top drawer.
It's a bit naughty this one.
It is a bit naughty.
It's a podcast wearing stockings.
Um, I should probably say, I guess if you want to come along tickets on the, in the show notes and also on Instagram and everything.
Yeah. I hope you're willing to add extra shows, Josh, because people are going to want to come.
In all seriousness, I knowing you the way I know that is extremely vulnerable and I'm so impressed and so in all, because I know this is a very big deal for you and I cannot like to be there.
I'm going to be selling merch.
I don't know, Josh, wigs or something.
I don't know. Josh Wigs.
I would buy that obviously.
And I just, I'm so proud of you and I love you so much and I can't wait for that.
Thank you. Thank you.
So exciting. Thank you for listening to Good luck, Josh.
Slap that bass. Take your stockings off or leave them on.
That's enough. The Imperfects is hosted and produced by Hugh van Carlinburg, Ryan Shelton and Josh van Carlinburg.
Our executive producer is Bridget North East, assistant producer of Bella North East.
This episode is edited by George Martin.
