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Hello there this is an announcement for any listeners in Vietnam specifically in the Ho Chi Minh City area there's going to be a Luke's English podcast Meetup in Ho Chi Minh City on Friday the 29th of November so a Luke's English podcast Meetup is basically a social event where you can meet other listeners
to this podcast socialize and practice speaking English and I imagine there will be people from various different countries attending so the details are this it's going to happen on Friday November the 29th 2024 between 7 p .m.
and 10 p .m. local time Ho Chi Minh City also known as Saigon of course in Vietnam the address is Little Du Mien Cafe Restaurant that's Little Du Mien D Pho Quang Street Ward 9 Phu Nguyen District it's near the airport and unfortunately I won't be there but the event is going to be hosted by a friend
of the podcast Zdenek Lucas from Zdenek's English podcast and the Footclish podcast Zdenek is an English teacher who at the moment is living in Vietnam and he has organized this meetup so he'll certainly be there and you could be there too if you are in the area Zdenek loves playing board games and so he'll
probably have a few games with him so there'll be a chance to play some fun board games chat and socialize in English and meet some like -minded people the place Little Du Mien Cafe is a restaurant so you can eat there if you want to and if you would like to go just simply send an email to Zdenek at teacher
Zdenek at gmail .com teacher I think you know how to spell that teacher and Zdenek that's Z D E N E K so teacher Zdenek at gmail .com just email Zdenek to say hi I will be coming to the meetup or hi Zdenek this is just to let you know that I'll be coming to the meetup see you there okay all right good
get together practice some English have some fun meet some like -minded people and everything will be fantastic you're listening to Luke's English podcast for more information visit teacherluke .co .uk hello welcome back to Luke's English podcast just before we begin I want to know that there's a PDF for this episode
with a transcript of most of the things I'm saying and a very detailed vocabulary list to help you understand remember and use a lot of the English in this episode so check it out you can download the PDF using the link in the episode description it's free you're welcome anyway on with the episode hello
everyone this is episode number 910 and it's called funny English signs explained I'm not sure how many English signs there will be but I've got loads so funny English signs explained in this episode I'm going to go through some signs like sign posts or signs that you would see in public places or in buildings
I'm going to go through some signs from around the world written in incorrect or ambiguous English with some pretty funny results ha ha ha let's all have a good laugh now this includes signs in English -speaking countries too and to give you an example here is a sign which apparently was seen in an airport
in Copenhagen and the sign says this we take your bags and send them in all directions we take your bags and send them in all directions which doesn't sound quite right actually we take your bags and send them in all directions if you've ever wondered what happens to your luggage when you check it in at the airport
this sign would not make you feel very confident would it because it sounds like they just grab people's bags and then just throw them around carelessly in all directions right we take your bags and send them in all directions when you you know you put your bag on the little conveyor belt and off it
goes and you think okay they're just going to put that bag on the plane but apparently no because it says we take your bags don't worry we take your bags and send them in all directions so the bag goes off in through that little door with those rubber flaps that hang down and the bag disappears and then
I imagine there's just a room in the back with some guys in it and they just take your bags and just throw them around left right up down every direction because that's what the sign says we take your bags and send them in all directions this is not a great advertisement for the airport baggage handling
service at Copenhagen Airport but I'm sure that they don't use this sign anymore by the way this this one's been around for a while a lot of these signs actually kind of get shared online and you see them again and again as people share them to enjoy you know laughing about these things so I think this is probably
quite an old sign and I doubt that they use that one still at Copenhagen Airport and I'm sure they wouldn't send just throw your bags around certainly no more than any other airport so I'm certain this is not what they wanted to say with this sign I suppose a better version of the sign would be something
like this we collect your bags and can send them to all destinations right we collect your bags not just take them and rather than send them in all directions we can send them to all destinations that sounds a bit better okay so you get the idea of this episode funny signs explained ha ha ha and a chance
to learn some English so as I read out these signs to you you can see this as a kind of test of your English if you like and here are some questions can you understand what is funny about these signs what is the intended meaning of each sign and what is the funny unintended meaning of each sign okay
so what is the sign trying to say and what's the kind of funny meaning that comes through accidentally okay you can see this is a little test of your English if you like at this moment I just want to make something clear and that's this everyone makes mistakes in English like this including both native
and non -native speakers so I'm not just making fun of people who speak English as a second language I'm making fun of everyone a lot of the signs in my list were written by non -native speakers in various countries yes but also a lot of them were written by native speakers of English in places like the UK
or the USA alright anyone can make mistakes in English and they do and anyone can write things that end up sounding funny and this includes native speakers of course and it's not always just about correct or incorrect use of English sometimes it's just a case of not really thinking it through properly
like this sign from a tramway authority that's a kind of like a railway company kind of thing a tramway authority in Newcastle in Delaware USA and the sign says this touching wires causes instant death $200 fine right touching wires causes instant death $200 fine I think you see the problem right now
the English is okay here everything's fine in terms of English it's all correct but someone just didn't really think this through did they because touching the wires causes instant death okay you'll die instantly if you touch the wires that's clear right right but if you do it you also have to pay a $200
fine how you pay $200 if you died as soon as you touch the wire I don't know but in any case touching that wire is really bad because not only will you be dead you will also have to pay $200 which is you know even worse isn't it so anyway if you ever go to Newcastle Delaware just avoid that wire whatever
you do in fact just don't go to Newcastle Delaware that's probably the safest option so vocabulary as well as explaining these hilarious signs I'll also teach you some vocabulary in this episode and you'll see a full vocab list on the PDF as I mentioned it's all at the bottom of the PDF and that's a vocabulary
like the word fine a fine which is an amount of money you have to pay if you do something wrong like the $200 fine you pay if you get killed if you get killed by that wire in Delaware right or maybe a parking fine that you'd pay if you park in the wrong place you know or something like that I don't
know why we say that's a fine I don't know why we use the word fine because it's obviously not fine is it you know you have you have to pay $200 what's fine about that I don't know but anyway that's the word we use it's a fine a $200 fine I have to pay $200 oh yeah that's fine no problem I don't know
why we call it a fine anyway two different words a fine you have to pay and find the adjective obviously these are two totally different words but anyway I'll explain some bits of vocabulary as I go and we can consider how the wording of these signs could be improved to make them clearer so we'll be
kind of considering a bit of written English as we go here's another one at a locksmith in London so this next one is a sign that I used to see every day when I lived in London a locksmith by the way is a person or maybe a business which deals with locks and keys locks and keys so if for example if you
need to change the lock on your door the door of your house or the door of your apartment if you you know you just need to change the lock for example then you'd call a locksmith and the locksmith would come and change the lock for you and give you a new key and the rest of it right if you lock yourself
out of your home you would need to call a locksmith and they would come and help you get in again right and I mean that happened to me once in London I locked myself out of my apartment and I was very annoyed it was like a Friday evening and I needed to get back in obviously and I had to call a locksmith
and I mean he came out he came out quite quickly and opened the door like unbelievably easily locksmiths have got all these clever little methods of opening your door which makes you realize how easy it is to kind of break into someone's home which is why you really must have several locks on your door several
different kinds of lock anyway what he did I mean what locksmiths can do is they one of the things they can do is they use a kind of a piece of plastic and they slide it into the crack of the door and kind of slide it between the latch of the door and the door frame and it just the door just pops open
what this locksmith did is that he got this kind of kind of metal bar with a bend in it and a rubber pad on the end and put it through the letterbox of my door and used it to undo the latch from the inside and pop the door just swung open he did it in about five minutes and then he charged me a hundred
pounds for it so anyway that's a locksmith now this sign that I'm going to talk to you about now is a sign that a real sign I used to see every day when I lived in London so the locksmith at the bottom of my building had a poster in the window which said this it said every 13 minutes a home is burgled
in London every 13 minutes a home is burgled in London now burgled means broken into when someone breaks into a house to steal something right so every 13 minutes a home is burgled in London now you have to feel sorry for the people living in that home don't you those poor people getting burgled every
13 minutes why don't they just move and why do burglars keep targeting that same house over and over surely there's nothing left to steal after it keeps getting burgled every 13 minutes but of course it's not the same home every time that's not what the sign really means what the sign really means is that on average
there is a burglary somewhere in London every 13 minutes which is quite a shocking statistic one home that meaning a different home each time gets burgled every 13 minutes so every 13 minutes a home is burgled in London it's not just the same home every time but you get it now all right okay and again to
to be burgled or to get burgled or a burglary this is a kind of crime where someone breaks into somebody's home to steal something like jewelry or a TV right a synonym is a break in or to break into somewhere right so that's a burglary to burglar house to get burgled or to be burgled that's the passive
form and a burglar that's the person who would do it right and if you're looking at the PDF you can see a picture of a burglar burgling that house in London every 13 minutes apparently yes here's another one right at a hospital in Northampton in England this this is kind of a legendary one a legendary
one so here is another one which I talked about with comedian Mark Steele in episode 796 of this podcast which of course you remember you remember every single word so this is quite a legendary sign in Northampton apparently and it says this family planning advice use rear entrance family planning advice
use rear entrance quite good advice actually so what this is supposed to mean is that the family planning clinic where you can get advice about family planning so this clinic is around the back of the building so in order to access it you have to use the rear entrance that's the entrance at the rear
or back of the building hence family planning advice use rear entrance but it also suggests that use rear entrance is the family planning advice itself hmm so this meaning of use rear entrance has another meaning this this phrase has another meaning which is rude and therefore quite funny you want some
family planning advice trying to avoid getting pregnant okay use rear entrance if you know what I mean okay now something at this point tells me that I need to explain this one in a bit more detail but as I said it's rude as it involves a sexual double meaning but you don't mind do you of course you
don't know of course of course you don't mind in fact you're like yes okay great Luke this is what I want when I listen to Luke's English podcast I want to hear you awkwardly explain rude double meanings like for example when dr.
Watson ejaculates doing in a Sherlock Holmes story yes in fact a little heads up a lot of the signs in this episode are quite rude with unintentional unintentional sexual connotations so there's some slightly rude content coming up so family planning advice use rear entrance some of you have got it
all right of course but some of you are still scratching your heads going I don't understand the why is this funny so use rear entrance has a double meaning relating to sex so here's the normal meaning again this is the not rude meaning family planning often refers to things you do when you're trying
to get pregnant and start a family or if you're trying to avoid getting pregnant too right so we're talking about fertility treatments or contraception like condoms for example so all of this stuff is known as family planning so in the in the pharmacy you might have a family planning section which includes
all the things related to this okay so family planning is advice sorry family planning advice is information about getting pregnant or not getting pregnant and rear like rear entrance means at the back right so use rear entrance could refer to an entrance which is at the back of the building right so this means
if you need family planning advice go to the back of the building to enter the family planning advice center can be found there right family planning advice use rear entrance but the rude meaning is like this okay because sometimes we refer to someone's bottom their bum their butt in American English
their ass in British English or their ass in American English right sometimes we refer to someone's bottom as their rear okay it's a kind of a euphemism for someone's bottom mmm -hmm so it could we sometimes use the word rear and the rear entrance of someone's body is certainly something sexual and rude
as you can imagine right an orifice at the back so use rear entrance could mean that if you want to avoid getting pregnant you should use a certain sexual position that involves using the rear entrance okay there's no need for me to be more specific is there now no I don't think so I mean I would ask
chat GPT to come up with an automatically generated AI image to explain this but I think that's probably not such a good idea so anyway this brings new meaning to the sign family planning advice use rear entrance mm -hmm yes okay so correcting the wording let's look at the wording of this maybe the sign
could be improved and changed to something like this right family planning advice use entrance at rear of building so we could do that but problem is this uses a few too many words we've gone from the simple three words use rear entrance to six words use entrance at rear of building this is maybe a few
too many words which makes the sign a little bit less clear and also why should we spoil everyone's fun by changing the sign at all I mean to be honest maybe we just you know bring more joy to the world by just leaving the sign as it is but in terms of wording though sometimes brevity is is important
and brevity means being brief or keeping it short and simple right you have to keep it short and simple to make sure the message is clear which is always a good thing to remember when writing keep it short and simple is just a good phrase to remember so you know sometimes the more words you use the less
effective a sign is because the sign loses its impact and the message gets lost so it's probably best to keep it short and simple now it's complicated to write a sign which is both efficient meaning using not many words and effective meaning expressing exactly what you want but maybe this would fix
it then right you can have family planning center use rear entrance yeah okay now I have loads more of these signs we haven't even begun my list yet those were just examples so let me go through the list now I'll read out about ten signs and then I'll stop I'll go back and explain them dissecting the frog
in the process and then I'll do another ten I've got something in the region of 40 signs also I will consider how these signs can be rewritten to at least help someone with their English maybe you okay as I said I've got about 40 signs in the list so I'll do them ten signs at a time and this might be
a double episode we will see but anyway let's crack on then here is the first set of about ten signs see if you can identify what is funny or weird about them what is funny or weird about these signs here we go funny English sign set one this one was seen outside a private school somewhere in the UK
and it says this no trespassing without permission no trespassing without permission sorry what this one was seen in a cocktail lounge in Norway and it says ladies are requested not to have children in the bar ladies are requested not to have children in the bar the next one was seen in a hotel in Acapulco
and it says this the manager has personally passed all the water served here the manager has personally passed all the water served here sorry what you're there about to drink the water excuse me hotel air conditioner instructions in Japan right so the the instructions for a an air conditioner in a hotel
room and it says this cool s and he tests now I'm saying that because that's the spelling it should be cools and heats but it says cool s and he tests if you want condition of warm air in your room please control yourself if you want condition of warm air in your room please control yourself and this one
at a zoo in Hungary at a zoo in Hungary please do not feed the animals if you have any suitable food give it to the guard on duty please do not feed the animals if you have any suitable food give it to the guard on duty and at a restaurant in Nairobi customers who find our waitresses rude ought to see
the manager customers who find our waitresses rude ought to see the manager I'll explain all of these in a moment and this one was found in a car rental brochure in Tokyo so when you rented a car this information was included in the brochure and it says this when passenger of foot heave in sight tootle
the horn trumpet him melodiously at first but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigour why sorry say that again when passenger of foot heave in sight tootle the horn trumpet him melodiously at first but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigour okay I'll make
sure I remember that this one was seen on a river highway in USA like a road next to a river it says this take notice when this sign is underwater this road is impassable when this sign is underwater this road is impassable mm -hmm and finally this one was seen in a men's lavatory like in a men's toilet
in Japan and it says this to stop leak turn cock to the right to stop leak turn cock to the right very helpful I think right now let's go through all of those signs with explanations and corrections so the first one outside a private school somewhere in the UK no trespassing without permission right
so is it possible to trespass with permission no it isn't so no trespassing without permission the point here is that trespassing means going on property or going on land without permission that's what trespassing means so it's it's it's unnecessary to say without permission you can might as well just
say no trespassing because you can't trespass with permission it's like saying no stealing without permission you know no murder without permission so trespassing here's some vocab then for you trespassing is a kind of crime and it means entering property or going on someone's land without their permission for example
entering the grounds of a private school when you're not a member or walking into a farm without permission entering an office building without permission you would be found guilty of trespassing now it's different this is different from burglary we had burglary before but this is different because it
doesn't involve breaking in and there's no theft involved so breaking into a place like breaking into a house and stealing something that's burglary trespassing is just going on property when you when you have no right to do it like walking into someone's garden or something like that okay or walking
onto a building site and just walking around and being there when you don't have permission that's trespassing so trespass no trespassing without permission it's just redundant so corrections for this it could be this no entry without permission okay or simply no trespassing but even this is redundant
because trespassing is a crime anyway so you don't need to say no it's a bit like saying no murder allowed well obviously but maybe you could say trespasses will be prosecuted in order to remind any potential trespassers that if they're caught they will be taken to the police right so no entry without
permission or no trespassing or trespassers will be prosecuted prosecuted meaning taken to court right charged for a crime the next one was the cocktail lounge in Norway ladies are requested not to have children in the bar okay now this makes it sound like women keep giving birth in this bar right so much
so many women have given birth to children in this bar that they've had to put up a sign so you know what this is we've got to stop this we've got to stop people being born in this in this bar we'll put up a sign you know and we'll politely request that people don't that ladies don't ladies are requested
not to have children in the bar okay we don't have any qualified midwives here this is not a maternity ward in a hospital so please we you know we'll serve you cocktails but we can't we'll deliver cocktails we can't deliver babies in this bar yeah I wonder how many ladies have given birth in that bar
honestly someone has to tell these women to stop giving birth in this bar it's a nightmare so the point is to have children has two meanings right one meaning of have here is possessive meaning to have children meaning to you know to have your children in the bar bring your children into the bar and be
in possession of children in the bar right so basically just means don't bring children into this bar no children allowed the other meaning of to have a child as you've worked out means to give birth to a child she's having a baby she had a baby last week she had a child right meaning she gave birth
so corrections it could be children a lot children are not allowed in the bar no children in the bar okay but if you wanted to be a bit more polite about it it could be guests are requested not to bring children into the bar or maybe even guests are politely guests are politely requested not to bring
children into the bar right that would be a maybe a bit more polite or just simply no children allowed okay so the vocab obviously to have children two meanings I have two children but it was my wife who actually had the children she gave birth to them right so that's the vocab to have children with its
two meanings and to give birth to children okay moving on the next one was in a hotel in Acapulco I love this one because it's it's pretty funny the manager has personally passed all the water served here so to pass water is the problem now it sounds like the manager has personally urinated all the water
in the hotel and they are now serving it to the guests so you might be just like oh look free water that's nice that they've provided this water what is it sort of like a like a lemonade or something it's kind of like a bit yellow is probably some kind of fruit water or something that's nice fruit juice
or water I don't know lemon water it must be and then you start and then you see the sign the manager has personally passed all the water served here how generous what that's what it seems to suggest but yeah although all the water is in fact his own personal urine okay but that's not what it means
what they mean is the manager has personally checked all the water and given it the okay he's passed the water is this water okay yeah this water is okay it's safe to be served the manager is like checked it and given it a pass he's personally passed all the water but the problem is that to pass water
also means to urinate yeah so the vocabulary to pass water means to urinate but it's old -fashioned we don't say that really so much these days so the correction could be all the water served here has been personally checked by the manager and is safe to drink okay all right that's again a bit longer
but still I think it's important that that's clear I mean you know you could say water is safe to drink or all water has yeah all the water served here has been personally checked by the manager and is safe to drink yeah that's probably right what about the air conditioner in Japan coolers and heaters
or cools and heats if you want condition of warm air in your room please control yourself so yeah you want warm air just control yourself get a grip on yourself pull yourself together warm in needing warm air so the problem here is that control yourself it I think what the sign means is that you you're
welcome to control the air conditioning yourself you can control this yourself feel free to control it yourself you may control this yourself but just control yourself without control it yourself just control yourself this means get yourself under control to be strict with yourself right I don't know
like you're with a friend and your friend is oh yeah maybe a friend is drunk and you're like oh I really need to do it I really need a pee I really need a bar and then they start trying to do a pee in the in in the in the corridor and you're like what do you do control yourself right go to the toilet
it's just there can't get a get yourself under control pull yourself together you can't do it here right that's control yourself so it means get yourself under control be strict with yourself control yourself right so here's a correction could be this cools and heats if you would like warm air in your
room you can change the thermostat yourself or maybe feel free to change the thermostat yourself okay and the one at the zoo in Hungary please do not feed the animals if you have any suitable food give it to the guard on duty he'll eat anything so it sounds like if you don't feed the animals but if you've
got any suitable food you can give it to the guard on duty and he'll eat it you know it sounds like that what they obviously mean is if you have suitable food suitable for the animals give it to the guard on the on duty and the guard will give it to the animals at the right moment you know at feeding
time or something okay right but it does sound like you can give you can just feed it to the guard if you if you want correction so there aren't any grammatical errors here everything's correct do not feed the animals if you have any suitable food give it to the guard on duty that's all correct so it's
not grammatical stuff it's just that the wording makes it sound like you can feed the guard so maybe give it to the guard could mean you know it could mean feed the guard and there's the ambiguity but it could be something like this please do not feed the animals suitable animal feed should be handed
to the guard on duty or if you have any suitable food it should be if you have any suitable food hand it to the guard on duty not give it to the guard because give it to the guard could mean feed it to the guard okay so please do not feed the animals if you have any suitable food hand it to the manager
or suitable animal feed so Animal feed feed here is a noun meaning food that you could give to animals Suitable animal feed should be handed to the guard on duty The restaurant in Nairobi customers who find our waitresses rude ought to see the manager If you think the waitresses are rude you ought to
see the manager my god, he is a nightmare That's so this sounds like the manager is even ruder than the waitresses Sometimes we use ought to see or should see which have the same meaning Right ought to see or should see sometimes we use this in an emphatic way To suggest like this is nothing compared
to something else Here are some more examples to show you if you think this teacher is strict.
You should see mr. Strickland Right, if you think mr.
Thompson is strict, you should see mr.
Strickland. Oh my god Right.
So if you think that mr.
Thompson is strict, that's nothing compared to mr.
Strickland. You should see mr.
Strickland Oh my god, you won't believe it.
If you think Paris is expensive If you think Paris is expensive you ought to visit London That's even more expensive If you think English is difficult you should try learning Icelandic, oh my god If you think your waitress is rude, you ought to see the manager.
He's a nightmare Right, that's not what they mean.
Of course What they mean is if your waitress is rude you should or you can or you may register complaints with the manager So customers who find our waitresses rude may register complaints with the manager but also it still doesn't sound great because it suggests that the waitresses are are rude and they're
always rude and That they've had that is such a regular occurrence that they have complaints that they actually need to you know Put a sign up The waitresses must be pretty rude in this place Hi, this is Christopher Kimball from milk Street radio I often shop at Whole Foods market since they sell the kind
of food. I like organic vegetables a great meat counter Of course a great staff for Thanksgiving Whole Foods offers brine turkeys as well as a spiral -cut bone -in ham The Whole Foods Market bakery has a large assortment of pies even a vegan pumpkin pie or grab some brioche and butterflake rolls For the table
as well, or you can ask the Whole Foods team to cater your meal for you Including the bird the sides and desserts get your holiday party started at Whole Foods Market Hey, this is Paige from Giggly squad and this episode is brought to you by Nordstrom It's a season of wonder all the way at Nordstrom
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rental brochure in Tokyo Remember this one when passenger of foot heave in sight tootle the horn Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor That's incredible that's typical sort of The typical of the sort of thing you do see in Japan I have to
say sometimes you see this English, which is just you just think how did they end up writing that?
That's just it's almost poetry So yeah, sorry This is one of those head -scratching Examples of odd English which you encounter in some places particularly Japan for some reason now.
I love I love Japan I love the place But sometimes English gets a bit lost in translation and often some very odd rare and old -fashioned language gets used Causing a strange effect.
I'm not sure how this happens, but it's often funny and charming So here's a correction.
Maybe this when a pedestrian so not passenger of foot but a pedestrian That's someone who's walking in the street when a pedestrian appears in front of your car beep the horn beep beep, right?
When a pedestrian appears in front of your car beep the horn now You kind of imagine that this sort of thing is just common sense, right that it doesn't need to be written in the brochure But maybe this is cultural advice.
This is what's normally done in Japan That you have to do it politely Beep your horn politely at first and if it's necessary then you can beep a little bit harder But don't beep harder at the at the beginning don't be too aggressive at the beginning because that's considered inappropriate in Japan Something
like that, right so you end up with when a pedestrian appears in front of your car beep the horn Tap the horn lightly at first, but if they're still in your way beep more strongly But it's it's very it must be difficult for the Japanese to communicate their cultural values and cultural norms to visitors
in succinct brief Efficient English because it feels like there's a lot of context that needs to be explained, you know, you need sort of like in Japan We have a certain way of doing things which might be a bit different to the way they're done in your country, for example When you're driving a car
here if a pedestrian Steps in front of the vehicle don't be too aggressive You might just need to give them a little beep like a beep like that.
Just a polite friendly little beep And I'm sure that they'll get out of the way but if they don't then you can beep a bit strong more strongly, but don't beep too strongly at the beginning because That would be really embarrassing for everyone.
We don't like to do that here I hope you understand and also don't drive too fast and Have a lovely time Yeah So vocabulary pedestrians people walking in the street, right?
Walking normally on the pavement or the sidewalk in American English pedestrians crossing at pedestrian crossings To beep the horn beep beep and to be in someone's way to be in your way Like I can't go there's someone in my way.
Excuse me beep beep.
Could you thank you?
Thanks very much All right, you know to be in some oh was I in your way?
Sorry, I don't didn't mean to be in your way Right.
I'll just get out of your way.
Sorry Yeah What about the river highway in America?
North America United States of America to be specific The road next to the river take notice when this sign is underwater.
This road is impassable But thanks for the sign Thanks for that completely unnecessary sign This water is impasse.
This road is impassable when this sign is underwater Well, yes, obviously if the sign is underwater, you won't be able to read it or even see it So this is a pointless sign and anyway, nobody will be able to drive down the road because it will be completely underwater You won't need a sign to tell you
that Right, so it's completely unnecessary Vocab in terms of vocab impassable means it can't be you can't drive down it If a road is impassable, it's completely flooded or maybe a tree has fallen down and then the road is impassable You can't go along that road.
There's no way to get through there's no passage through the road Yes A correction.
I honestly I don't know how to correct this one.
Just get rid of the sign It's unnecessary or maybe just add a sign that says something like this road liable to flooding You know just maybe putting a sign somewhere up the road which says road liable to flooding just to give people a little warning that this road often gets flooded So watch out there
might be water on the road up ahead road liable to flooding might be a good one sometimes you see Sometimes you see these things at the side of the road in places that Get a lot of heavy snowfall and you get these long metal poles with Measurements on them or lines on them to give you a sense of how
deep the snow is and You know if you see that the snow is all the way up the middle of the pole Then you will know that you shouldn't try and drive up that road because the snow is too deep and you're gonna get stuck So those sorts of things are the kinds of signs that are useful in that situation Like
poles that show you the depth of the water You know and you could you'll know if the water is so deep you can't drive through it some cars You can drive through a certain amount of water.
But anyway What about the one in the men's lavatory in Japan to stop leak turn cock to the right?
That is not how cocks work Not mine.
Anyway. I mean, I don't know gentlemen.
You can confirm or deny You can confirm or deny whether that is how your cock works But that's not how my cock works if I'm if I'm taking a leak.
I'm like right, I think that's probably enough now Sure, I just like turn it to the right good.
No to switch it off That's not how cocks work.
But obviously this is not what the sign is supposed to mean I'll explain it all now.
So the intended meaning I think is this to stop the water Turn the tap to the right Right.
So this is probably a tap a tap is a thing that you open to get water And then when you finish with the water You close the tap or turn off the tap right So this is probably a sign about a tap and maybe it just means if you want to stop the water turn the Turn the cock to the right the cock is the the part
of the tap that you turn in order to open and close it Maybe this is a tap that leaks so water drips out of it And you know you need to turn it tightly to the right in order to stop the leak Yeah Hence to stop leak to stop the water coming out turn the cock to the right turn the You turn the that part
of the tap to the right right, okay So to stop the water turn the tap to the right But the rude meaning is to stop urinating turn your penis to the right Because you've got to a leak a leak can be when you urinate so to for example to take a leak Right to go for a pee to Urinate to to take a leak so a leak
can be a pee right a wee a piss Which is a bit rude?
So stop leak Turn cock to the right so cock another meaning of the word cock and this is quite rude is This is a sort of slang word for a penis Okay, it's also a word for a male chicken, which is also potentially confusing If you live on a farm, I suppose I know it's unlikely that you're gonna be in a situation where You
confuse a chicken and a penis.
I suppose I don't know I don't know your life But it's like can you just grab that cock?
Sorry the chicken of course Anyway To stop urinating to stop the leak turn cock to the right turn your penis to the right But it should be to stop the water turn the tap to the right So the vocab to take a leak is to urinate and this is most common in American English We don't tend to say that really
in the UK, but although we understand it In the UK would say to go for a piss or to have a wee piss is a bit rude, so cock is a slang word for a penis then and Tap a tap is the thing in the bathroom or the kitchen where the water comes out Right the tap turn on the tap turn off the tap so again a correction for the sign
would be to turn off the water Turn tap to the right Okay, all good.
How are you doing? Everyone?
Are you doing? Alright, how's this episode for you?
Are you learning something?
Are you enjoying these stupid signs you are?
Okay, good. Let's crack on there.
Shall we let's do some more.
So Let's go through funny English signs set to this So here are about 10 more signs 9 or 10 more signs So this one was seen on a poster somewhere in the UK and it says this Are you an adult that cannot read if so we can help Are you an adult?
So imagine this is actually written on a poster maybe in the street Are you an adult that cannot read if so we can help?
Mmm, another one in a restaurant somewhere on earth.
Not sure where Open seven days a week and weekends to Open seven days a week and weekends, too This one was seen on an automatic hand dryer right The Thing you would use to dry your hands in a toilet on An automatic hand dryer in a public toilet in England and it said this do not activate with wet hands
Do not activate with wet hands How am I supposed to use it then in a maternity ward in a hospital somewhere The sign no children allowed in a maternity ward No children allowed This one at a cemetery right a cemetery or graveyard and It's this persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their
own graves Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves Uh -huh on a restaurant menu in Switzerland on a restaurant menu in Switzerland Our wines leave you nothing to hope for Our wines leave you nothing to hope for Dear sounds a bit depressing in a bar in Tokyo Special cocktails
for the ladies with nuts Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts Great This one was seen at a temple in Bangkok Thailand It is forbidden for it is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man Sorry what?
Say that again. It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man Okay, I'll bear that in mind.
Thanks at a Japanese public bath public bath in Japan Foreign guests are requested not to pull cock in tub There's another cock again for you Foreign guests are requested not to pull cock in tub All right, then let's go through those ones with some explanations and corrections So the first one are you
an adult that cannot read if so we can help well If I'm an adult who cannot read how can I read this poster?
This is obviously the problem that This is a stupid poster.
It's pointless because They're trying to appeal to people who can't read and they've done it by writing a message on a poster And if obviously their target audience can't read so Obviously this is gonna be a pointless sign now This sign can't be corrected can it really maybe do you know an adult that cannot read
if so we can help Please tell them about this sign Please read out this sign to any adults in the vicinity who cannot read really They need to turn this into a radio commercial, don't they?
Are you an adult that cannot read?
Fed up with being unable to read books and having to listen to the radio instead we can help um Yeah, make it a radio advert.
There's no other way to correct it How about the one in the restaurant open seven days a week and weekends to well wait a minute How many days are there in a week nine?
Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday Zanday and zing day and Saturday and Sunday open seven days a week and weekends to obviously seven days a week means Seven days a week obviously includes weekends This is stupid.
So the correction would simply be open seven days a week including weekends I mean including weekends is unnecessary.
But if you really need to emphasize that this also includes the weekends That's how you do it.
But otherwise open seven days a week Would be enough.
What about the automatic hand dryer in England in the toilet?
Do not activate with wet hands Which is totally stupid Isn't it because obviously you've just washed your hands and your hands are all wet and you need to dry them with the automatic hand dryer But do not activate it with wet hands What I have to turn it on and then wash my hands and then and then dry
them. Is that it? Yeah, I have to activate it before I wash my hands I have to dry my hands on my jeans That's what you need to do wash your hands then dry hands on your jeans make sure they're all dry and then activate the hand dryer and Then and then you know make and then just enjoy the nice warm
air. I don't know So again, I don't know how to correct this because it makes no sense Maybe I don't know what do not activate with wet hands Please ask a friend to activate this hand dryer or please use your elbow Please use a dry part of your body to activate this hand dryer Please use cock to know
that wouldn't be dry with it.
I suppose Anyway In the maternity ward in the hospital No children allowed which is ridiculous because it's a maternity ward So a vote a bit of vocab is necessary Do you know what a maternity ward is a maternity ward is a part of a hospital where children are born?
Right, so having a sign in the maternity ward that says no children allowed is pretty ironic isn't it because As soon as the child gets born You know breathe breathe push push.
Mrs. Smith push you could do it push.
It's almost here and Well, oh fantastic.
You've got a baby girl, isn't she good right get this kid out of here now No children allowed in the maternity ward Mmm So a maternity ward is a part of a hospital where children are born So correction would be something like this.
No children are allowed to visit the maternity ward Right.
No children are allowed to visit the maternity ward.
I suppose it would be something like that Children are not allowed to wait in this area maybe Okay the the cemetery Cemetery is a place where people are buried after they've died.
I hope You shouldn't bury anyone when they're alive even if they deserve it those you shouldn't really So at a cemetery persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves Which makes it makes it sound like You're only allowed to pick flowers from your own grave You can imagine
the hand coming out of the ground and picking flowers from its own grave Yeah Maybe they have a problem with zombies in this Cemetery right like just stop picking great flowers from other graves.
You can only pick flowers from your own grave So just and get back in the ground Now obviously the correction is Please do not pick flowers from Please do not pick flowers from But other graves or even just please do not pick flowers from graves is probably enough I think probably what they mean is you
know, if you if you're visiting the graveyard if you're visiting the site at the cemetery Don't pick flowers from other graves Your own grave I suppose they include like the grave of a family member, you know So the members of the family own that grave right there.
They own that plot of land Yeah Please do not pick flowers from other graves is probably enough It's a pity to have that in a cemetery though, isn't it?
It's kind of like not very appropriate sort of thing to have in a somber place like that Yeah On the restaurant menu in Switzerland our wines our wines leave you nothing to hope for You could imagine people drinking the wines and just feeling hopeless That the wines are that bad that you just drink
it and you just feel completely hopeless afterwards Our wines leave you nothing to hope for You drink the wine and then just like oh the future just looks so bleak So this sounds like the wines make you feel completely hopeless they leave you nothing to hope for Now the correction here is just it's
not nothing to hope for but we we say nothing to be desired Is the right way of putting it in English?
If something leaves nothing to be desired, it means that it's everything you could desire.
It's everything you could want Our wines leave you nothing Our wines leave nothing to be desired Would be the correction Yeah, but it's still not great still doesn't sound great our wines leave nothing to be desired Don't know it still doesn't sound great to me vocab to leave nothing to be desired meaning
that there's nothing more that you could want and also We use that phrase in the other way to leave a lot to be desired I think that's the problem here is that we tend to use this phrase as A criticism.
Well, what did you think of the restaurant?
Well, I have to say the wine left a lot to be desired So we tend to use it like that Something leaves a lot to be desired in the sense that it's not good enough right Well, the source left a lot to be desired, you know, or what did you think of his teaching?
Well, his explanations left a lot to be desired his classroom management leaves a lot to be desired Meaning his classroom management isn't good enough Okay, the one in the bar in Tokyo special cocktails for the ladies with nuts Ladies with nuts what like lady boys is that are we talking about lady boys?
That's normally sort of that's a Thailand thing.
Isn't it normally but anyway, that's not what they mean What they actually mean is the cocktails that they're talking about cocktails served with nuts And they're available for women special cocktails for the ladies served with nuts right, so Nuts though is the okay.
The thing here is that the word nuts.
This is a slang word meaning testicles Alright, so we've had a cock meaning a penis and now we've got nuts meaning testicles balls is another word Just in case you were thinking nuts is good Luke But um, you've got anything else you got anything any other words for testicles.
Don't really feel like saying nuts I'd like to say something else balls.
Got it. Thanks a lot Luke Thanks a lot Luke, oh that will be very useful Cock balls great.
This is the kind of useful.
This is the useful English.
I've been waiting for now.
I can proceed with confidence Thanks a lot Yes, so what they mean is that the cocktails served with nuts are available for women So nuts, yes, this is slang for testicles You know like have you ever had a football hit you in the nuts bang?
Oh, God. What's the matter?
Oh, I've got the ball hit me in the nuts Hold on a minute A correction for the sign could be this Maybe you can just pass this on if you if you know the people who run this this bar You can let them know special cocktails for the ladies served with nuts Okay That removes the ambiguity.
I mean if you've got a dirty mind you'll probably find a way to Think of the rude meaning or if I've planted the rude meaning into your mind, obviously You're only gonna think of the rude meaning but this would certainly be better special cocktails for the ladies served with nuts Yeah, and that that served
with nuts definitely has to be an afterthought.
I've put a comment I've put a comma special cocktails for the ladies comma served with nuts that helps that little pause helps maybe the design of the sign would need to Incorporate the served with nuts in a sort of lower position or in smaller text.
For example special cocktails for the ladies served with nuts, you know extra info Okay, so what about the temple in Bangkok again no disrespect Meant I intend no disrespect with these signs and as I said at the beginning we're looking at like Signs that from every country everyone got embarrassed by these
so it's okay, right if it's everyone At a temple in Bangkok, it's forbidden to enter a woman Even a foreigner if dressed as a man There's a lot going on here there is a lot going on here so it sounds like you are not allowed to enter a woman Meaning penetrate a woman Meaning have penetrative sex with a woman even
if you're a foreigner dressed as a man That's what it sounds like.
You're not allowed to have sex with a woman Even if you're a foreigner Dressed as a man that's still even if you're a foreigner and you're dressed as a man.
It's still not okay What they actually mean is that women are not allowed to enter this temple Even foreigners and even wearing if they're wearing male clothing This is actually a very sensitive issue.
I don't mean to be kind of Glib about it, you know because you know, I've been to Thailand.
I've been to a lot of the temples and stuff in Thailand and you know It's these are obviously very traditional places and they've got their sort of certain rules relating to them which some foreign visitors disrespect, you know, but It is what it is But some of the temples in Thailand basically women
are not allowed to go into them There's not many of those temples but still for some reason women are not allowed to enter I'm not going to go into the reasons why I don't really know the reasons why it's just the the kind of culture of that religion, right Some of the some of the temples I think most
of the temples Ask women to wear sort of Respectful clothing so to cover up parts of their bodies.
So if they're like Tourists female tourists from you know, like wherever the UK or something in Thailand It's hot and sunny there.
So the girls are kind of like wearing, you know Skimpy clothes short shorts revealing tops because it's hot weather And they go into the temples with parts of their bodies sort of showing like legs or whatever You know, you know, I mean Then that's disrespectful and the temple say please cover cover
yourself up, you know, you can wear a scarf or whatever but then other temples actually say that women aren't allowed in even if they are dressed as a man like even if they're dressed in trousers or wearing clothes that men normally wear Yeah, but I mean It's forbidden to enter a woman.
It's forbidden for a woman to enter.
It's forbidden for women to enter women are not allowed to enter even if I Do you how do you translate this even if appropriately dressed even foreigners dressed in appropriate clothing?
Hmm difficult to correct Women are forbidden to enter including foreigners dressed in men's clothing There you go Yeah, but it's it's a bit of a complicated one, isn't it that?
Yeah Okay, moving on the Japanese public bath.
So public baths in Japan, I guess these are like onsen sort of Fantastic places where you can go and lie in the hot water and have a lovely relaxing Time, right But yeah foreign guests are requested not to pull cock in tub Yeah, it is certainly not appropriate to pull your cock when you're in a public
bath Wait, no, that's not what they mean.
That is not what they mean.
I Mean, you know so what it sounds like the what it sounds like is foreign guests are requested not to masturbate when they're in the bath right Pull cock would mean to pull you get the idea In the tub a tub is another word for a bathtub or a yeah like a pool of water Yeah, now the correction could be
foreign guests are kindly requested not to operate the tap in the bathtub right Foreign guests are kindly requested and that makes it nice and polite not to operate the tap in the bathtub Yeah, this is the word cock isn't it I mean It's the word cock.
Don't say cock use tap.
That's fine. That's fine So maybe that maybe what's been going on is that foreign guests have been coming into the onsen into the public bath And they've been like truck fiddling with the tap trying to add more water or something like that and the Japanese Staff are like, oh god, how can we get these?
These people to stop turning on the tap, you know, like all the Japanese people would never do that You know, they understand the rules but the foreigners like it's a it's a it's a bit.
How can we add more water?
And all the other guests like oh god, they're fiddling with a tap again.
Someone needs to put up a sign Ask ask Hiroshi Hiroshi speaks English and Hiroshi is like How do I how do I write this?
And maybe he translates it it was probably easier to use a translation I'll just use my I'll just use it.
I'll do a direct translation for a guest so requested not to pull cock in tub There you go.
No problem Mmm, no Do not operate the tap.
Yeah, you know what listeners?
This is where we're gonna end on that important piece of advice about Not pulling your cock when you're in a public bath Just a little reminder there and also not to fiddle with the tap in the in the in the onsen We're gonna leave on this Particularly useful piece of advice and we're gonna end the episode
here. Okay, I do have more of these signs But I'll leave those for another episode for another time I've got about another 20 or so signs.
Some of them are very funny.
My favorite one in fact is yet to come But we're gonna leave it here because I think this feels like a good moment because if I carry on and do the rest Then we'll end up with a an episode that maybe is a bit too long So I think we'll stop here.
I hope that you have learned some interesting things from this episode Don't forget you can check out the PDF you will find all of the stuff.
I've been reading the signs the explanations the vocabulary the Corrections all my comments all that stuff is written on the PDF and you'll find a summary of loads of vocabulary a very nicely detailed vocabulary list with definitions examples Memory prompts things to help you remember words that you've
seen and also little discussion questions to help you practice using the words and phrases Let's have a little look.
Let's have an example So we go to the top of the list we've got We've got ambiguous right I talked about ambiguous signs so the definition ambiguous means open to more than one interpretation having a double meaning or Something that's not completely clear in its meaning could mean one thing or another
thing. It's ambiguous an example sentence The sign was ambiguous leaving people unsure whether the trail was open or closed So people are walking along a trail and they come to a sign and like wait a minute Does this sign mean the trail is open or closed?
I? Don't know what the sign would say signs subject to potential closure Something like that and like potential closure is that that mean it's closed or it's not closed So it's an ambiguous sign A comment ambiguity often causes confusion Especially in written instructions or warnings, which is why it's
important to be clear Okay, a memory prompt.
So this is what you would use to help you remember the word Have you ever seen a sign that could mean two different things and you'd say yeah, I've seen a few ambiguous signs So you just try to use the word in your answer try and recall the word and actually use it Really important to do that make yourself
Come up with the word from your own memory and actually use it a discussion question Just something to give you something to talk about hopefully using the vocab why might it be important to avoid ambiguous language or signs or it Let me start again.
Why might it be important to avoid ambiguous language in signs or instructions?
Why would it be important to avoid ambiguous language in instructions like safety instructions?
Obviously, you've got to be absolutely clear in your instructions so that people know exactly what you mean For example, if you are if you work in a a go karting Center a place where people race go karts around a track and you're there to give the safety information.
There's no There's no point giving ambiguous safety instructions like When you sit in the go kart, you might want to keep your arms inside You might want to you might want to just keep your arms inside the the car for a few different reasons It's not so much ambiguous is more just unclear But You know,
it's basically it's really important to be very clear so that people know exactly what they should and shouldn't do To save people time and to make sure that the message gets communicated That's why ambiguous language should be avoided in signs instructions in legal documents and things And mnemonic
a thing to help you remember you can think ambi Which means both and we have the word like ambidextrous someone who's ambidextrous can use both hands equally well Ambi and the the Guess part is like guess Right ambi meaning both and Guess is like guess as In you can always guess both ways.
Hmm. Does that help you remember?
Ambiguous You can guess both ways Ambiguous, hmm Sometimes mnemonics can really help you remember a word Sometimes they are more complicated than the word itself anyway, in which case you probably just forget about it But some of these mnemonics can really help you to recall the words and there are similar
notes in this list for loads Of the vocabulary in this episode baggage handlers To break down to break something down Let me break it down for you to break in and a break in right To a burglary to burgle a burglar We've got a cock right to complain or a complaint Some of these I think come from the second
set of Signs, so I'm going to work this out I'll I'll make sure that the vocab from part one is included in the PDF for part one and when I do part two Whenever that is I'll add the vocab from part two at the end of the PDF for part two So I'll fix it all sorted out But that's the end of this episode.
I don't know when I'm gonna do part two of this But you can just let me know.
Did you enjoy this?
Did you find it useful?
I hope so I'll do part two at some point in any case.
It'll probably be in a few episodes time But it's something I can come back to and finish later on Yeah, thanks for listening to this I hope you found it useful and enjoyable and if you work in a hotel or if you work in a place Where signs like this are important then hopefully it's given you kind of a few
things to watch out for Like if you work in a zoo and you don't want people to feed The guard or if you basically don't want people to pull their cock and in the in the bathtub Then you know exactly what to write Okay Okay, everyone have a lovely morning afternoon evening or night wherever you are in the world
Whatever you happen to be doing at this moment in your life.
Thank you for joining me for the last Hour and ten minutes or so and I will speak to you next time on the podcast But for now, it's just time to say goodbye.
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