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Acast .com you're listening to luke's english podcast for more information visit teacherluke .co .uk hello listeners welcome back to luke's english podcast how are you doing today i hope you're so this one is called funny english errors corrected and following on from the acclaimed Funny English Signs series from a few months ago.
Here is Funny English Errors, in which we will look at some, yes, you guessed it, funny English errors from around the world.
We'll consider what mistake has been made in each case, what makes it so funny, meaning what the kind of unintended meaning is, and I'll correct them all to make sure that you definitely learn some English from this, because that is the whole idea of this podcast, of course.
By the way, I don't mean to mock people's errors in English.
I want to make that point.
I don't mean to just mock people's mistakes in English.
As an English teacher, I generally don't mock my students' English mistakes.
I think it's really important to make sure my learners of English don't feel judged or ridiculed, of course, but sometimes people just come out with some really funny things and it's okay for us all to laugh about it together and i do consider myself to be a language learner too french in my case and i make all sorts of stupid errors as well and i don't mind laughing at my my mistakes i think that um when learning a language it's important to be able to laugh at yourself when you get something wrong, because you will get things wrong a lot.
And it's not the end of the world.
It's just a mistake.
And you can learn from it.
We all make mistakes when learning languages.
And I suppose we can choose how we react to those mistakes.
We can either feel mortified and never speak the language ever again.
Or we could just kind of laugh it off, learn from it and move on and make progress.
Now I speak French as a second language and I make stupid mistakes all the time.
For example, pronouncing the word, the phrase in French, which means a lot.
For example, if you say thank you very much in English, in French you say merci beaucoup.
And I, for some reason, can't quite pronounce the the coup part of that.
And I always end up saying something that sounds like merci beaucoup, which actually means thank you, nice bum.
So I'm really self -conscious about those moments when I have to say thank you very much. And I'm sure I keep saying, thank you, nice bum.
Also, my inability to pronounce the word for water, such an important word. And a word I have to use a lot in restaurants and things.
But it's just a difficult vowel sound for me to pronounce.
O, O, DULO, AMBUTEDO.
I mean, it's pretty disastrous.
People often don't understand what I'm saying.
They go, huh, like that.
And so I just order beer instead.
It's generally easier just to drink beer all the time.
Also, my inability to remember masculine or feminine nouns in French and using the correct article.
Is it un or une, which is a really common mistake that people make when they're speaking French. For example, I have to remember un pan au chocolat, un gâteau.
Is it un pan au gâteau chocolat?
Basically, I just order two instead.
It's easier. uh is it une bière it's no it is une bière une pinte but un demi so une bière right uh because beer is feminine une pinte because a pint is feminine but it's un demi that's half that's masculine so even though it's half a pint of beer and both pint and beer are both feminine words the word for half is a masculine word so it's under so i just order a pint every time it's again it's just much easier as a teacher my students make mistakes sometimes even after I've worked hard to perfect their English here are some examples from student feedback forms at the end of a course at school
I used to work in so I used to work at this school in London we have students we had students from around the world coming at the end of their course we would give them a feedback form with various questions in it one of the questions was what do we do best at the school what do we do best and the answer was melting students from different countries melting students from different countries um i'm sure what the person meant was mixing students from different countries but melting students so sounds like i mean if you melt something like you would melt an ice cream if you put it in the oven it
would melt um yeah so melting melting students sounds like we, you know, put the students in an oven and make them turn into liquid.
It should be mixing students, meaning making them come together and socialise with each other.
In which area has your English improved most?
And the idea is, you know, in your speaking, in your vocabulary range, in your grammar, in your pronunciation, in your writing, in which area has your English improved most?
The answer, High Street, Kensington.
which was an area of London near the school.
Apparently, this is the area where this student improved their English most. Misunderstanding the question.
But anyway, let's look at some English errors from around the world, including English -speaking countries, I believe, like the USA.
And we'll consider why they're funny and then offer some corrections so that we can all learn from these unintentionally hilarious mistakes.
So as you read these or hear me describe them, can you decide how they should be corrected?
So what is the error and how would you correct it?
OK, I got a lot of these from a website called demilked .com and also reddit .com where you can find a lot of these sorts of things.
So the first one is a sign in a public place, I assume, next to a bottle of hand sanitizer for cleaning your hands.
This will be from the days of COVID -19, when, of course, we had to keep our hands clean and regularly clean our hands, sanitise our hands.
And it says, please satanise your hands here.
Please satanise your hands here.
Of course, it should be, please sanitise your hands here.
But I'm interested in the idea of satanising your hands.
What does this mean?
I suppose this means doing something evil with your hands or doing something sinful with your hands, something you shouldn't be doing with your hands.
Yes, just make sure that you satanize your hands before you do it.
I will let you decide what that is.
But yeah, you would have to satanize your hands first. And then, of course, make sure you sanitize your hands when you finish doing it, of course.
And you might need holy water to clean it off after you've satanized your hands but yes sanitize is the correct word there of course so sanitize your hands use hand sanitizer the next one is what looks like a sign in the window of a shop and it says closed for revolution open soon closed for revolution open soon yeah open soon soon under new management after the revolution um so a revolution is something much more profound than just what you would do in a shop you know while it was closed the the right word here is renovation closed for renovation that would mean maybe redecorating the shop uh
making changes fixing things in the shop so that when it's open again it all looks new it's all been repainted and redesigned it's been renovated so closed for renovation but closed for revolution sounds so much more serious and profound like you think of a social revolution you know like what happened in france in the um 18 you know the late 18th century with the revolution that means you know people rising up and um releasing prisoners from the jails and taking the the aristocratic people and chopping their heads off and a total dramatic shift in the social order this is a revolution of course
and yeah i suppose if there was a revolution happening in your city you might need to close your shop in the meantime closed for a revolution open soon either that or there was some drastic change of management of the shop but no it should be closed for renovation not revolution right now Now, as we go through this, there will be bits of vocab, as you've noticed, right?
We've had sanitise, we've had hand sanitiser, we've had renovation to renovate.
Pay attention, because later on in the episode, we'll review the vocab, and I'll see how many of these little bits of vocabulary you can remember.
Let's carry on. Now, this next one is a little kind of story.
This is a meme, in fact, which does go around the internet sometimes, times, and it's a story of what happened when Japanese Prime Minister Yoshiro Mori met Barack Obama.
Apparently, this happened in 2008.
So, here's the story.
Prime Minister Mori was given some basic English conversation training before he visited Washington to meet President Barack Barack Obama.
The instructor told Prime Minister Mori, when you shake hands with President Obama, please ask, how are you?
Then Mr. Obama should say, I am fine, and you?
Now you should say, me too.
Afterwards, we, the translators, will do the work for you.
It looked quite simple, but the truth is, when Mori met Obama, he mistakenly said, who are you, instead of how are are you mr obama was a bit shocked but still managed to react with humor well i'm michelle's husband haha he said then maury replied me too haha then there was a long silence in the meeting room right so instead of saying how are you i'm fine me too it was who are you uh well i'm i'm michelle's husband oh me too okay funny little story but apparently it's not actually true i I did some research into this and the story is fake news.
It's just one of those kind of, I guess, a kind of like an urban myth or something or just a joke which has been exaggerated or taken out of context.
There is there. You can read the article about how this is, in fact, not true.
And it's based on other things like the fact that Mori wasn't even prime minister when Obama was president.
That was a major aspect of this.
But there's another story that goes around about Maury as well.
When he met President Clinton, it's basically the same thing.
So it's unfortunately not true.
And I'll let you read the article on Snopes .com if you want to find out the details.
Let's move on. The next one looks like it's in an airport somewhere in India.
And it's a sign that basically says, eating carpet strictly prohibited.
eating carpet strictly prohibited um of course well how would you correct that uh i've translated the indian language part of the sign and it should be eating on the carpet strictly prohibited so this is presumably for those people who perhaps sit down and eat their lunch or something while waiting for their plane while sitting on the floor eating on the carpet which you could imagine might lead to the carpet being stained or something so it should be eating on carpet or eating on the carpet strictly prohibited but eating carpet strictly prohibited tells an entirely different story that does suggest
that some people for whatever reason have been eating the carpet and you know you really shouldn't be doing that i mean and you You can see the carpet in the picture.
It looks very dirty, so I would not advise eating any carpet, especially that one, which presumably is why the sign has been put up in the first place.
But, of course, it's wrong.
This should be eating on the carpet or eating on the floor is strictly prohibited.
Sometimes prepositions are important.
For example, the difference between peeing in the pool and peeing into the pool.
That's obviously a very important distinction, don't you think?
Or in this case, eating on the carpet and simply eating the carpet itself.
Don't underestimate the importance of prepositions.
The next one is in what looks like a car park.
I don't know where in the world this is.
But the sign in English says, please pay your parking fee before existing.
Please pay your parking fee before existing.
existing so even before you exist even before you're born you have to pay your parking fee for this for this car park which seems a little bit unfair doesn't it I mean asking me to pay my fee before I enter the car park seems unfair in itself right if you even before you go in if you have to pay before you use the service that would seem a bit unfair but asking me to pay pay before I've even been born, before I've even existed.
That's just ridiculous.
Please pay your parking fee before existing.
Of course, it should be what?
It should be please pay your parking fee before exiting, right?
Exit, E -X -I -T, can be a verb.
To exit the car park, please pay your parking Before exiting, not existing.
Yes. So I should just point out the vocab there.
It's exiting versus existing.
There is a difference, of course, in the pronunciation as well.
Right. Exiting the first syllable is stressed.
Exit and existing. Existing the second syllable is stressed there.
air. Let's move on to the next one.
This is from a menu.
I don't know where.
And here are the items on the menu.
So number one, hot wings.
Number two, honey wings, presumably like chicken wings glazed in a honey sauce.
Number three, French fries.
Number four, cheese naan, I think.
Number Number five, seizure salad.
Oh, what? A seizure salad.
No, thanks. So this, of course, should be a Caesar salad.
Caesar, like Emperor Caesar, right?
Caesar salad, which, of course, is a salad of what's in a Caesar salad?
It's parmesan cheese, leaves of lettuce and croutons, which are like kind of crunchy cubes of bread and a certain Caesar dressing or sauce.
that's a Caesar salad, but this is a seizure salad.
Okay. Caesar salad, correct.
Seizure salad, spelt S -E -I -Z -U -R -E.
Now this is, this is not a salad that I would recommend because a seizure is, um, a kind of sudden health condition.
Uh, if you have a seizure, it means you're, you suddenly experience uh quite what can be quite a severe health condition and it comes on very quickly and it's where your your muscles start to shake and you can't control them so your arms and legs might move around and you might fall onto the floor it can be very dangerous that's a seizure to have a seizure also a heart seizure is essentially another word for a heart attack so I wouldn't recommend the seizure salad at all a synonym for a seizure is a fit to have a fit for example to have an epileptic fit so the seizure salad is not very appealing
as you can imagine right so that's that vocab for this we have we have a a seizure and a fit I think those are are probably the words to include in the vocab list for that so of course it should be a caesar salad not a seizure salad i think i think i'll just skip that and i'll just go for the french fries please thank you very much moving on to the next one is a picture of a supermarket i think it's in china uh but it doesn't really matter where it is and on the side on the sign so in Chinese I think it says fresh fruit fresh food supermarket but then written in English on the sign it says very
suspicious supermarket very suspicious supermarket something just doesn't seem right about this supermarket I just don't know what it is but I don't think I'll go in there no why well it says very suspicious supermarket how could a supermarket be suspicious Hmm.
I'm not sure about that supermarket.
Why would he seen all these dodgy people going in and out carrying all of this fresh fruit and vegetables?
Hmm. Seems very suspicious to me.
Something just doesn't seem right about it.
So what do you think could be the word that they were looking for?
Not suspicious, maybe specialist, maybe a specialist supermarket, one where you can find certain specific ingredients.
That would be a specialist supermarket, but I have no idea how they've ended up calling it a suspicious supermarket.
If something is suspicious, it means that it looks like something wrong is happening.
It looks like maybe something dishonest is going on, like, you know, a suspicious man would be like a man wearing a long overcoat and a hat and glasses standing outside the bank and maybe taking photos and generally looking over his shoulder and then looking inside the bank, taking a few more photographs, maybe calling on the on his phone and then hanging around, looking around a bit more.
and then going away right that would be a very suspicious person acting very suspiciously right and then he turns up in his car which is like a big van with the windows all blacked out and he opens up the back of the van and he's got a big bag which seems to be very heavy and he slings it over his shoulder and he goes into the bank very suspicious person with his suspicious suspicious car and a suspicious bag.
What's he doing? A very suspicious man.
Maybe he works at the very suspicious supermarket.
Who knows? I'm sure they meant specialist supermarket.
You'd imagine so. Suspicious is the vocab there.
Okay. Have you ever seen anyone being suspicious in in your area.
The other day I left my building, I left my home, pushing my son to the daycare center in his pram.
And as I came out into the street, there was a man standing there with his phone out, clearly either taking photographs or video footage of my building, just blatantly in the street apparently videoing my building and as i walked past him he carried on videoing i walked past him and went down the street and over my shoulder i could see he'd now started videoing the street where i was walking i thought who is this suspicious character and of course you know i'm i don't know maybe a little paranoid or i'm a bit over cautious of these things i was thinking who is this person and why are they videoing
me apparently and my building never heard or saw this person ever again so who knows what's going on there as if i'm not already on the internet enough someone had to come and actually video me i'm probably being paranoid but who knows very suspicious um next is a what looks like a warning label for i think some sort of laser right it's covered in all these warnings like avoid direct eye contact uh do not use on material that reflects the light uh turn off the power when it's not in use and then there's one in in the middle that says keep it away from incompetent people such as children or pregnant women
yeah don't let children or pregnant women do anything they're incompetent they'd probably break it or hurt someone incompetent people such as children or pregnant women so it's the use of the word incompetent if you've described someone as incompetent you're basically saying that they they have no skills.
They're rubbish at what they do.
They're just completely incompetent.
Like someone at work.
If you had someone at work who was incompetent, you wouldn't really want to give them any jobs to do because they'd probably get it wrong.
Someone who's incompetent, it's a very negative sounding word. It's not a rude word, but it does basically say that someone is just useless, no skills at all, and just fails at everything they do.
So suggesting that that pregnant women are incompetent.
Doesn't sound right.
It just doesn't at all.
So yeah, apparently this is a laser and it looks quite dangerous, but it would be better to say vulnerable people, I suppose, or at -risk people rather than incompetent people because incompetent suggests that these people have no skills or abilities and that they're basically rubbish at doing things.
So yes, don't give this laser to a pregnant woman and they're rubbish at everything it's it's the hormones you know um yeah no that just seems really really inappropriate to say that so it's not incompetent but i would say probably vulnerable i mean i don't know what the thinking is here why can't pregnant women operate this laser maybe it's because they're they're vulnerable right that's often the way that we consider pregnant women to be because obviously you know if a pregnant woman has a shock or if she gets sick or if she has an accident it can be very dangerous like they're more susceptible
or vulnerable to these sorts of risks because it can harm the baby during the pregnancy and it could end up in a miscarriage or some other health related issue relating to the pregnancy so they They are vulnerable.
If someone's vulnerable, it means they are perhaps at risk of accidents or or other health issues.
Right. They need to be protected or maybe, you know, women, pregnant women need to be taken care of more carefully and shouldn't be exposed to things like a laser.
Right. Same thing for children.
Right. Women and pregnant women and children.
Fine. These perhaps are more vulnerable people in society or at risk people will.
You know, again, we also think of COVID -19 situation.
People who were at risk would be people with underlying health conditions who should be more carefully taken care of.
off so do not give this to vulnerable people such as children or pregnant women might have been a better choice in that particular case okay let's move on so again remember vocab uh i'm gonna kind of give you a little vocabulary quiz when we've been through all these signs see how many of the bits of vocab that have come up you can remember okay uh moving on we have a road sign sign, a large sign, I suppose, on a roadside, a safety reminder for drivers.
And it says speed thrills, but kills.
The thing is, the word but has been spelt B -U -T -T.
Right, so speed thrills, but kills.
Obviously, it should be speed thrills, but kills.
So speed, both both thrills and kills.
So it thrills, but it also kills.
But the word butt is spelled B -U -T -T, and of course this is American English slang.
Your butt is your bottom, your arse, right?
Speed thrills, butt kills.
Well, yeah, you know, have you seen my butt?
Be careful if you do.
Maybe that guy was taking a photograph of my butt because it's lethal.
Have you seen my butt?
But so, yeah, I mean, obviously speed thrills, but kills is the right answer.
But, you know, who knows?
Maybe maybe they're saying lower your speed and cover your bum just for the general safety of the local community.
Right. This next one, I actually love this one and I find it funny, but also actually quite useful on reflection.
So this looks like a Japanese one.
It's got some Japanese writing and then underneath in English, it appears to have been stuck on the front of maybe an office building, the entrance to an apartment, maybe in the street or something.
and it simply says this do not dumb here not a dumb area here do not dumb here not a dumb area here okay so dumb is again slang uh american english slang really but you know everyone understands what it means dumb d -u -m -b if dumb means stupid it's not normally a verb verb uh do not dumb here it's not normally a verb uh but yeah don't be stupid here it's this is not a stupid area around it generally so don't be stupid here don't do not dumb here not a dumb area here um after having translated the japanese in the sign i understand that what they actually mean is is please do not throw away your
trash here or don't throw away your rubbish here so what they really mean is do not dump here not a dump area not a dumping area here so this i suppose is for the attention of people who are dumping their rubbish in front of this door maybe people have been dumping their rubbish in the street bags of rubbish in front of this building and so that you know the owners of the building needed to put up a sign saying don't dump your rubbish here don't leave your rubbish here this is not a dumping area but they've ended up with dumb not dump um with this unintended double meaning of don't be stupid here
this is not a stupid area generally so don't just you know use your head when you're in this area okay and for that reason I actually love this sign and I'm I would like to maybe put up this sign uh maybe you know outside my office or in my classrooms if i could put that up on the wall of my classroom that would be good don't dumb here this is not a dumb area here okay this one is from what looks like a hotel resort and it says the swimming pool was temporarily closed due to the david 19 situation thanks to david 19 we can't use the swimming pool anymore more not to mention all the other things
all the other restrictions like having to stay at home fuck you david david 19 right i don't know how they've ended up with david 19 instead of covid 19 but uh it would have been funny if covid 19 had been given a name you know like the way we name um we name uh storms right we named you know dangerous storms are given names names maybe we should just name all catastrophes by people's names so covid 19 we should have called it david 19 maybe it would have helped us to deal with it a little bit better if we were all able to get together and fight against david 19 i'm not i'm not sure how people
named david would have reacted to that though this swimming pool was temporarily closed due to the david 19 situation Unless this is like something separate from COVID -19, that there was actually a guy called David 19.
Like, I don't know, what would that be?
Some sort of artificial intelligence robot?
You know, they made David 1 to 18 and they were all okay.
Like, David -1 was very basic, just a harmless basic robot, and they kept advancing them.
They got more and more advanced.
David -18 was really quite sophisticated, but also generally harmless, you know, operational.
Then David -19, something went wrong with the programming, and he...
I don't know what he did.
He drained water from all swimming pools, or something like that.
at all made it unsafe to be in water pretended to be a shark he decided that he was i don't know what the david knight there's a great science fiction story just waiting to be written david 19 the david 19 situation i think hollywood needs to make that film i would go and see that yeah um the next one i think is from the united states and it's a car you know the way in in America in sort of the Bible belt of the USA a lot of people are really religious they're very strongly Christian and they often write Christian messages on the back of their car this one and the license plate of the car says
J is Lord Jesus is Lord but then they've written on the back of the car jesus i thrust in you jesus i thrust in you it should be what not thrust in you because that again has another unintended meaning which is quite rude and it's unfortunate really because i'm sure that the person who wrote that this is very far from what what they would ever want to have written on the back of their car in white spray paint.
It should be, Jesus, I trust in you, right?
And, you know, in English we say you trust in someone, you trust in God, you trust in Jesus.
Although, I mean, that on its own is quite worrying.
If you're driving down the highway and you see this person driving at whatever it is, you know 90 kilometres an hour down the highway sharing the road with you and they've written Jesus I trust in you you think well I'd rather you trusted in the highway code rather than just leaving it all up to Jesus but still but writing Jesus I thrust in you so the other meaning of this and I have to say it's a bit rude uh thrust is to like push forwards with some force uh when would you thrust well you know i think the first thing that comes to mind and it's probably it's not just me because that's why this whole
this image has been shared on a website as a funny error uh we would probably associate associate thrusting with the act of sexual intercourse when a man pushes forward right in this case in someone that means you know well that's you know how it works right you had science you had biology lessons at school haven't you you've you've done it haven't you maybe you haven't but you know the way you may have seen videos anyway to thrust in someone right but not jesus that's not what jesus want would have wanted i'm pretty sure that's not what he wanted from his followers seems a bit much doesn't it
jesus i thrust in you i hope jesus is okay with that i expect he's not anyway it should be jesus i trust in you so to trust in someone not thrust in someone because that has an unintended sexual meaning let's move on um okay so this one uh i can't quite see i think maybe this is written on the front of a shop looks like the uh like the canopy on over the front of a shop it says first of all the english is almost impenetrably bad here but hidden within this bad english there There is actually quite a funny message.
It says, dot distab.
I am mariad. I am already very distab.
Right. So I think this is probably, should be, do not disturb.
I am married. I am already very disturbed.
Yeah. So despite the English there, the humour comes through loud and clear, doesn't it?
But I think that's probably all we need to do for that one.
Do not disturb. I am married.
I'm already very disturbed.
Right. Here's one which looks like it's a sign in front of maybe a food court or a place where you can get food.
Maybe jerk chicken, which is a form of barbecued chicken.
This is what I'm assuming.
And the sign simply says, think before you jerk.
Don't jerk and drive.
Now, again, if you're familiar with American English slang and, you know most native English speakers are so people from the UK Australia Ireland everyone's going to understand what this means think before you jerk the problem is that jerk in slang means to masturbate right the equivalent in English is wank okay sorry if I've offended half the world's population listening to this but my aim here is to educate and inform and I think you need to know this one just in case you end up making this mistake yourself if you work at a food court think before you write a sign like this that says think before
you jerk don't jerk and drive i mean it is good advice you should keep both hands on the wheel at all times right so don't jerk and drive i think what this i think what they intended to say was like think before I guess, think before you eat, jerk.
Meaning a type of barbecued food.
Don't eat, jerk and drive.
But think before you jerk.
Don't jerk and drive.
Yeah. I can only imagine this was a food store, maybe selling jerk chicken.
But think before you eat, jerk.
Don't eat, jerk and drive.
That still doesn't work.
Don't eat, jerk and drive.
Obviously, don't do all three of those things all at the same time that would be a very bad idea let's move on to the next one this appears to be a price tag in a supermarket for celebrations which i suppose is some sort of like bag of chocolates or something and it says celebrations christmas bag of threats Threats.
250 of whatever the currency is.
Christmas bag of threats, which is an ideal gift for your enemies, isn't it?
A bag of threats. So it's threats.
It should be treats.
Treats. T -R -E -A -T -S.
s treats would be like maybe little chocolates that you would eat or have to give yourself a treat like or to give your children a treat if you give your child a treat it's because they've done something good maybe they've been well behaved maybe they got good good results at school or something and you give them a treat well done you've been really good here you go here's some chocolates as a treat that's treats and threats threats of sorts of things that you you would say to someone um before you did something bad like hurt them so you can imagine like mafia gangsters they they issue threats
to each other give me all the money give me the money or i'm gonna break your legs you know like something from a robert de niro film give me the money or i'm gonna break your legs don't mess around with me so to threat that's a threat give me the money or i'll break your legs that's a threat so a christmas bag of threats would be yes the ideal gift for your enemies at christmas time and oh look what's this a lovely bag of wait a minute give me the money or i'll break your legs happy christmas you son of a bitch yeah moving on this is a sign somewhere is it on a plane or train and it says emergency
cock cock, just in case.
It's like a little door, you know, like the way you get like a first aid kit or a life jacket, and you have to pull open the little door, a little hatch, and it pops out.
Here it's emergency cock, just in case, because you never know when you might need one.
um now as we've discussed before a cock is another word for a tap or valve sort of thing you turn when you want water to come out you know you've got one in your kitchen in the bathroom that's a tap right so use the word tap okay use the word valve if it's for gas or something a little red red valve that you turn to let the gas out and you turn it again that's a valve or a tap but the word cock can be used but um you know i've said before think twice before using the word cock so freely especially writing a sign like emergency cock just say emergency valve emergency tap would be recommended yeah
um and this next sign is very confusing it says entrance only do not enter you what uh entrance only do not enter i don't understand that sign i don't know how to correct that sign um it looks like it's in america so i don't know that it feels like the sign is is gaslighting me.
Entrance only, do not enter.
I mean, this is only an entrance, but you can't use it, I suppose.
What's that? I mean, I've no idea how to correct that.
Next one. Is it Japanese?
Is it Chinese? I don't know.
It doesn't really matter.
But there's a sign with a man walking and a red cross through the middle of the man.
I mean, it just so happens to cross right across across his groin which is the middle of his body and it says erection in progress erection in progress uh now what this should mean is under construction meaning do not enter this site is under construction meaning that there's construction work being done here erection could mean when something is being put up for example if they're putting up a a billboard. They're putting up a building or something like that.
They're erecting a building, erecting a ladder, right?
Erecting some scaffolding.
Yes. So that would technically be an erection.
But of course, in most cases, when someone says erection, most people will think of the more sexual meaning, which is when a man's penis, rather than a woman's penis i suppose why did i need to say man's penis i don't know when a penis whoever owns it whoever is responsible for it when a penis becomes erect when it when it gets hard that's an erection so erection in progress do not enter this could actually be a useful sign for a teenager's bedroom door right generally like if you've got a teenage boy in your house that might be a useful sign to put on their door do not enter if they if they need
to they could put the sign on the door You know, like in a hotel, the way you can put a sign on the door saying, please do not do not disturb.
You know, they could put you could give this to your teenage son and say, do not enter erection in progress.
Could be useful. But yes, it should be under construction is the is the correct one.
Yeah. OK, so that's vocab there.
We've got erection to erect something.
thing. Okay. And also under construction to be under construction.
Okay. Right. This is all vocab that will come up later on when I've been through all of these signs.
And there's only a few signs left. Next one is, it looks like it's on a, on a menu or maybe, um, a card from a hotel or cafe and it's it just says free wife and then like a password free wife i mean apparently someone is just giving their wife away free i don't know how the wife feels about this right but um free wife if you're interested just ask at the front desk of course this should be what this should be free wi -fi uh w -i -f -i uh easy mistake easy typo w -i -f -e that yeah that means someone's giving away their wife free oh free wife is it like a buy one get one free kind of thing how does this work
you just we're giving away we got one free wife congratulations you You are our 10 ,000th customer and you, as a prize, you get this free wife or free wife with every order over 50 pounds.
Sorry, I've already got one, you know.
Next is a sign in front of a toilet.
And instead of it saying men's toilets or gentlemen's, it says toilet man.
toilet man or you know it should be man's men's toilet gentlemen's toilet toilet man which sounds like the worst superhero in the world toilet man who should we call superman he's too busy what about spider -man he's not part of this franchise um who have we got oh oh, a toilet man?
And toilet man comes, I am toilet man.
He just flushes. But, you know, I say that he's useless.
To be fair, this is the hero we need.
This is the hero we all need sometimes, right?
You've seen people rushing through cities.
You might have been this person, rushing through the city.
I need the toilet. You know, I need the toilet.
Call toilet man. man.
He is the hero we all need sometimes.
This one looks like it's from an email or something.
It says, genital reminder, please, dear sir, please join on time.
Many thanks. Genital reminder.
Dear sir, please join on time.
This is your genitals reminding you.
Please join on time.
many thanks it's like when your dick is polite but has needs genital reminder dear sir please join on time i've been waiting many thanks when your dick is polite uh genital reminder so no not genital but gentle of course so the vocab there is genit genital and gentle reminder so So genital.
Yes. It got a bit rude again, didn't it?
I'm sorry. I assume that the 50 % of the world's population who were offended by the other things, Jesus and all the rest of it, maybe, I don't know what you've done.
I don't know. You've thrown your iPhone into a lake at this point.
So I think we're probably all right now.
Anyway, you need to know the difference between gentle and genital, don't you?
I think you do. So that you don't make this mistake date yourself gentle reminder of course g -e -n -t -l -e is a lovely phrase this is just a gentle reminder please join the zoom meeting on time in future right that's the sort of note that you could send to someone who maybe has been joining the meetings 5 10 minutes 15 minutes late every day and you'd say just a gentle reminder if you could please just join on time that would be convenient for everyone.
Thank you very much. Lovely.
Very nice that, but not genital.
So genitals, your genitals are your, um, private parts, right?
Do I need to explain any further?
Have a look if you're not sure.
Um, genitals, I mean, don't, don't necessarily do a Google image search. Um, you don't need to do a Google image search. You could probably just look in your your pants just do a pant search and you'll you'll be able to see all the images you need of your own genitals um if that's necessary but anyway genitals yes uh the sort of sexual organs they are let's say scientifically known as your genitals so a genital reminder would be some sort of reminder relating to your genitals please join on time for example okay um and then finally we We have an incredible sign by the side of the water.
It looks like maybe it's at the sea, maybe in front of a lake.
And it's a sign with a fish and a hook, right?
So perhaps related to fishing, a fish and a hook with a red line through it, as if to say no fishing.
And it says it is forbidden to upload and download fish.
fish um i actually translated the the original language there i don't know what language that is i have to say but i translated that and it it translated it exactly the same so even in the first language it seems this is a mistake it's forbidden to upload and download fish extraordinary maybe this is some sort of like digital lake maybe this is an ai created lake and instead of catching fish you download them with your fishing rod i don't know but i suppose what they mean is it's forbidden to uh catch or release fish here uh but it's forbidden to upload and download fish how do you upload a fish anyway
um i suppose you'd upload a fish in the same way as you upload anything else really right you just click on the click on the fish right click on the fish and click upload i suppose that's it and download more or less the same thing.
Maybe you need a fish downloader to be able to do it.
I don't know what's going on.
I don't know how to correct that last one.
I've no idea. Except maybe, you know, it's forbidden to release fish here or catch fish here.
But upload and download fish?
What's going on there?
I don't know how that happened.
So there you go. That was a selection of funny English errors corrected.
And just as promised, what I'm going to do now is go through a list of vocabulary that came up in this episode and I will ask you little questions to see how many of those words and phrases you can remember.
Okay right let's do that now.
Okay so if you check the episode PDF for this episode which you will find in the episode description then you can see first of all a list of all the vocab items that I've dealt with, explained, defined with examples and comments and then then this list of quick memory questions with answers underneath.
Okay, so let's see if you were paying attention during this episode.
First of all, then, which word means, well, what happens to a candle, for example, if you put it near a fire?
Or what happens to ice cream if you leave it out in the sun?
It what? It melts. it melts it melts that goes back to that uh error in the feedback form what do we do best here at the school melting students from different countries um what about the other word then which is where uh for example in a social situation what does a good party host do to help guests get to know each other doing something to encourage people to meet each other and socialize they them they not they don't melt them no they mix them okay so mixing people what s word is what you should do with your hands to remove germs before you eat or during the covid 19 days not david 19 but during the covid
19 era we had to constantly clean our hands what's another word for that remove all the germs to sanitize with a hand sanitizer right uh which our word um yes a cafe a shop might have a sign that says closed for hmm closed for what it means that they are maybe redecorating redesigning refreshing uh the interior of their shop uh That would be what a not revolution, but a renovation.
Yes. Closed for renovation.
What E word? This is what you must do before.
OK, what must you do before?
According to the sign.
OK, hold on a minute.
Let me just rewrite that.
so you must you must pay the parking fee before something the shop what is it before leaving the shop okay it's exiting the shop of course um s what's the medical term for a sudden uncontrolled electrical disturbance in the brain which causes your muscles to shake and you to lose control of your body that is a it's like oh my god he's having a quick just make sure clear out the objects get make sure that there are no sharp objects around him just try and lie him down on the floor he's having a what a seizure seizure right another word for this another word for a seizure or sudden it could also be
used for a sudden outburst of emotion like a like when when someone can't stop laughing, to have a laughing f.
It's a fit in that case, right?
It's an epileptic fit, a laughing fit, a giggling fit.
What S word describes a man standing outside a bank looking like he might rob it?
A man acting very strangely as if he's up to no good.
Like that person taking photos outside my building.
or maybe a man standing outside a bank with a long overcoat on suspicious yes very suspicious next word if someone is completely unable to do their job properly someone is just rubbish useless they keep making mistakes they are no good at anything we would say that they are in what incompetent absolutely incompetent not a very nice thing to say about someone um what v word would we use to describe someone who needs to be extra careful because they can be easily harmed like maybe children the elderly people who have underlying health conditions they are called people they're called vulnerable people
people. What D word should you not do with your old sofa on the street?
So if you've got an old sofa that you want to throw it away, you need to throw it away properly, arrange for it to be taken away by the correct authorities.
You don't just leave it on the street.
You don't just dump it on the street.
What's the word? Dump.
Don't dump it on the street.
What T word is when you have a a strong belief in someone's reliability, like the way Christians have a strong belief in Jesus and they believe Jesus will save them.
They believe Jesus is the way, their spiritual guide.
They trust in Jesus, to trust in Jesus.
And then what's another word, which means essentially to to push something forwards right now you might I don't know thrust a sword into the ground right thrust a key into the keyhole it can be used in a rude sense to thrust oh I gave you the answer thrust in someone yes there it is to thrust meaning push forward do not hmm so this is something a hotel door might say if they want people to stay out you'd leave it on the door before if you don't want to be bothered do not disturb but then another meaning of disturb to be disturbed for example oh i've given i've given you the answer but anyway another
meaning of disturbed then would mean like mentally disturbed like mentally troubled so if someone is mentally disturbed i know i don't know let's say someone has just watched lots of very violent films and played lots of violent games or maybe they had some traumatic experience in their life and it's meant that they are quite disturbed you'd say he's a bit disturbed meaning he's mentally troubled so that's another meaning of disturbed do not disturb right uh but also to be disturbed which is the crux of that uh slightly inappropriate perhaps joke about marriage um do not disturb i'm already disturbed
i am married i'm already disturbed yeah very funny uh jay what's the slang word for a rude person or the vulgar word meaning to masturbate in american english in the uk english it would the equivalent would be to wank um in american english it's to jerk exactly it is also a word used to describe a person like a root you jerk he's such a jerk have you heard that in american english but also jerk jerk off uh means to masturbate there you go you learn all all the important words with Luke's English podcast. And that brings us to the end of the episode.
I just wanted to remind you that, yeah, there's an episode PDF for this one with all the stuff, all the signs that I've shown you, my comments, a full vocabulary list and a list of memory questions as well.
So you can sort of test your memory.
It's a good way to, you know, push your vocabulary.
This is what I always do in premium episodes, by the way.
I always go through through vocab in quite a thorough way, and do lots of these memory exercises to help you practice recalling vocab.
So, it's all good and well, seeing new words, understanding what they mean, recording them maybe, but there are several other steps that you must take if you really want to actively learn new vocabulary and genuinely broaden your vocabulary range, and that is to to practice active recall, that is making the words come into your head from nothing, okay, and these little questions help you to do that, and then the other final step is to actually use those words to practice your speaking.
So if you can find ways to use all that vocabulary for talking about things, maybe you can go through the signs again, talk about them again on your own, look at the pdf on your own after having listened to this and describe the signs explain the mistakes and correct them and in doing that and also give your comments and in doing that essentially do your own version of this podcast episode in doing that you will no doubt use loads of the words that have come up here as well so recreate the podcast episode that i've just done for you here in this episode look i'm going to finish here and look at that it's
amazing it's going to be an episode that is less than one hour long just to prove that i am capable of doing it thank you so much for listening sign up to lep premium teacherluke .co .uk premium and i will speak to you next time but for now it's time to say good bye bye bye bye bye thanks for listening to luke's english Hey, we're the Adam Wilde and Jack show.
You can find us wherever you get your podcasts.
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Well, we're just two best pals talking about pop culture, dating, and also exposing each other's deepest, darkest secrets.
And if you've ever been ghosted, we have a little segment called Left on Red where we call the person who ghosted you and say, hey, why'd you do that?
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So check out The Adam Wilde & Jack Show available every Wednesday, wherever you get your podcasts.
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