Do I have to tell the truth?
You can do whatever you like.
Great.
Hello, my name is Phil Collins.
And I feel so, so studio about being Conan O'Brien's friend.
I can tell that we are going to be friends.
Hey, welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend, joined by Sona and Matt, my chums, my amigos.
I was in New York recently doing some taping for the pod.
I was solo.
I missed you guys.
We missed you too.
Not that much, but I missed you.
I do miss you.
Take it back.
We weren't invited, just to be clear.
It's expensive.
There's not a lot of flights that go from L.A. to New York.
We looked into it.
Hourly.
I think so.
Once a month, I think.
But anyway, not a lot of airlines, not a lot of service between those two major hubs.
And I don't remember what it was.
I did some bit, and it may not be repeatable on the air.
Is this on?
It is not repeatable on the air.
Yeah, yeah, okay.
It's not repeatable on the air because I say insane things.
But I'm thinking, now I'm tearing up.
And I took...
He started laughing.
And what's great about Adam Sachs is that he's someone who's always kind of in control and he's very good natured and he's sweet.
But twice, that time and another time, I've made him laugh where he can't stop laughing.
And he holds his hand in front of his mouth.
And I took a series of photos.
Oh, wow.
It's him.
I haven't seen these.
You haven't seen these?
No, but I have a very vivid memory of what you're talking about.
It's this.
Oh yes, I know this look, yeah.
And then he can't stop and his hand always goes to his face and he covers his mouth, as if he was beaten as a child if he laughed.
I was so out of control that in this moment that I was sitting in a chair and I leaned over and I slapped the floor really hard.
And I don't even know why.
I just like could not control myself.
And then I ended up- You'll have to tell me after the pod what it was.
And I'm sure it was something that cannot be repeated.
It's really funny that it cannot be repeated.
I'm a terrible person, but I think you're such a good guy that sometimes if I come in with something that's completely insane and not tracking, I can get at him.
And that makes me super happy because when it does happen, it's rare.
It's like spotting this.
You know, there's this creature in the woods that's only been photographed once.
If I can get him, it's really satisfying.
I feel like there are certain people on staff you hone in on because they don't give it up to you that easily.
One of your two children.
Yes.
One of my two children also, Samantha Curry, who works on our digital team, won't give it up to you too easily.
Love Samantha.
And Samantha will just stare at me and nod, shake her head no slowly.
And I'll say, come on.
She'll be like, no.
And I see you working harder to just try to get something out of her.
Yeah.
And and I it's funny because it's this fine line between disappointment and joy.
I love that.
I'm like a fish on a hook.
Like, I've got to try to get Samantha.
I'm not getting Samantha.
If I really got her, it would terrify me.
You're like a comedy masochist.
Yes, I am.
I am.
I'm drawn to the one who is, mm-mm, no.
And she's really good.
She's a very good straight.
She's just like and also I'm sure she means it, but she's just like nope nope, uh-uh.
I think I laugh a lot.
I just, maybe I don't lose it.
No, no, you laugh a lot, but you don't lose it.
And to get you to lose it to the point where you're banging on the floor with your fist and then it becomes I mean, I think that was the day I interviewed Martin Short and we had such a spectacular and I love him, but I went away going.
I walked away from that building across the street from Rockefeller Center that day thinking yeah, I got him.
I really got Adam today.
Not thinking about Marty Short.
A comedy icon who graced me with his presence.
I'm like, yeah, yeah, I really got Adam.
I got him.
Hey, hey you guys, I got Adam today.
Who's Adam?
And who are you?
Stopping vendors on the street.
I got Adam.
I got Adam.
Would you like some of this chicken?
No, I don't want your chicken.
All right.
Well, we got to get into it.
We got a lot to do.
My guest today is a hilarious actor.
He's a comedian, a magician, mind melder.
He's lovely.
He's a force.
He's a force in the industry.
And he's a good friend.
I'm thrilled he's here.
Flula Borg.
Welcome.
You're Flula Borg.
Please.
Please.
You're an international man of mystery.
Oh, the bag is out of the cat.
No, no, it's the cat is out of the bag.
Oh.
That's how you say it here?
That's how we say it here.
Oh, okay.
Tell me, you and I have done many things together.
We went to...
Berlin together.
We did.
You toured with me.
I'm going to say this up front.
Say it.
I love you.
I love you as well.
I delight in all things Flula Borg.
He's a delightful fellow.
We can't get enough Flula.
You are such a funny fellow.
I don't even think you're aware you're funny.
You're just representing your upbringing, your country.
Yes, just human beings, homo sapiens, Flula Borg.
How are you guys?
We're doing really well.
It's wonderful to have you here.
As always, you are dressed, and I know we're a podcast, but you can go and check out the video.
You dress unlike anyone I've ever met.
Always mitt the fanny pack.
That's German for width.
Yes.
Today's is, you never double up on a fanny pack.
I never see the same fanny pack twice.
We've discussed this before, but this one looks like it's made of molybdenum, the most powerful metal in the world.
Yes, it's part of the periodic table of elements, of course.
This also if you have something in your tooth, you have a tooth in your mouth, a tooth in your thing.
You can check it in my fanny pack.
It's very nice.
It's like a mirror.
Yes, on the wall.
Who is the one with food in his mouth?
Yes.
Very nice.
And so that's very useful.
And of course, you always keep important items in your fanny pack.
Absolutely.
What do you call it in?
Is it Austria?
Where are you from?
Well, I am my originations.
Yes.
I'm German.
Yes.
I know Austria is different.
I think of it as all the same.
Oh, yeah.
It all looks the same to you.
Well, it does.
I'm sorry.
You go to one and they go, do you want a strudel cake?
And then you go to the other one and they're like, we'll have a strudel cake.
Okay.
That first one was Austria.
The second one was Munich.
Okay.
Well, I'm sorry.
Okay.
I'm sorry.
When I'm in Austria, I think I'm in Germany.
And when I'm in Germany, I think I'm in Austria.
And if that's offensive to people out there, I apologize.
I'm American.
We're an ignorant people.
Yeah.
And if you wish to disagree with me, you can swim across the Gulf of America.
Find me and we'll straighten this shit out.
Oh, wow.
Shots fired at who?
You.
No one knows.
No one knows.
It was a gun with blanks.
Oh, okay.
You are from Germany.
That's correct.
And what do you call the fanny pack in Germany?
I call it a fanny pack.
Oh, okay.
I wish it had a fun name like a Gleibenhaube.
Oh, der Gleimhaube is actually how you repair flat tires.
Ah.
Yes.
Very nice.
But if you'd like to, you may call it a Bauchtasche.
Bauchtasche.
Which means a stomach pocket, which sounds like, yes, what's a kangaroo have?
Yes, yes.
Say it again for me.
Bauchtasche.
Now say it backwards.
Ich haus gut.
Hey, nice!
There's nothing he can't do.
Well, you got very German when you said, oh, nice!
Nice!
Yeah.
That was a very Stuttgart accent.
Just saying.
I'm just saying.
I stole mine from Dana Carvey, who probably stole his from a comedian in Stuttgart.
You're also wearing, I want to talk about, I don't know what to call it.
Would you call it a sweatsuit?
What would you guys call it?
Tracksuit?
It's like a barbed wire hatched tracksuit.
Yeah, it's very strange looking.
I mean, wonderful looking.
This looks like if I swallowed an Ikechi.
It's great.
But it's of Usain Bolt.
Very, very systematic and low levels.
Yes, yes.
Very systematic, low level.
And it appears that you're in good health.
You work out a lot, Flula.
Is this true?
It is true because I shook your hand in the hallway.
We did do this.
And you crushed my hand and the carbon in my body became a diamond.
Which I plan to sell.
You should sell this.
I'm going to sell my right hand.
May I buy it?
Would you say?
May I buy your right hand?
Not for inappropriate reasons, Conan.
I might need it back, if you know what I mean.
I do as well.
Yes, because of masturbation.
Masturbation, yes, yes.
How do you call that in your country?
Masturbation?
Yeah.
Schnatzel.
Oh, schnatzel?
Do you say I need a little time with the schnatzel?
It's time for schnatzel side.
Yeah, I'm going to lock the door and have some schnatzel.
Why lock the door, Cameron?
Well, in case someone walks in and goes, That's the only thing that works for me.
Okay.
What?
Oh!
So does some guys like to be walked in on.
Okay, thanks.
Yeah, I'm just telling.
No, I know, I know.
Okay.
What do you mean I know, I know, I know?
Why are you telling her?
Well, I don't know.
Yeah, maybe Matt wants to know that too.
Matt, do you like being walked in on?
Are you kidding?
Well, I don't know.
With Kesha.
You were pretty quick to walk in on her when she was in the bathroom on a recent podcast.
Never walks in.
We've had, you know, all these other people on, never walks in.
Kesha, he had an ax he took to the door.
That's true.
Are you a walker or a walkie?
Exactly.
Do you like to be walked in on when you're doing it?
What is it called?
Shtyby shtyby?
Shtyby shtyby.
To be clear, that is what I call it.
I call steiby steiby, I thought it was when you do the nipples.
When you rotate counterclockwise and clockwise around your own areolas.
Yes, depending, unless you're an Australian, you go the other way.
Then it's the other way around.
Southern hemisphere reversed.
If you do it enough, you get Radio Free Europe.
And blisters.
Listen, you and I have a certain something which should never be released into the public.
Agreed.
Are we recording this?
No, I hope not.
This will be destroyed.
Matt is giving me the signal that none of this is being recorded.
Not a bit.
And Eduardo is erasing as we go.
He just keeps pushing delete.
Delete, delete.
Thank you, Eduardo.
Thank you, Matthew.
Yes.
Matthias.
Matthias.
Matthias.
Matthias.
Yeah, yeah.
But the TH is just a T for us.
Do you have Germanic descent at all?
No, but I took two years of German in high school.
And watched a lot of World War II movies.
And I took a German out for two years.
Oh, my God.
I'm trying to be clever.
Is that a clever thing?
Uh-uh.
No.
I don't think so.
I'm looking through the judges and no, it wasn't.
Well, thank you again for taking me out for 772 days.
You and I, we've traveled around.
We have a good time together.
You're a wonderful, funny performer.
People from other countries.
Really?
I thought everything's going great.
Okay.
Well, I have you on because I want to say look these people from other countries.
They can be quite wonderful and delightful.
Oh.
And that is why, you know, I love to travel the world, but I also like to have world travelers come to me.
Come to you.
It's much cheaper.
You do not have to worry about time zones and also the food.
Yeah.
I mean, I can't, the Wienerschnitzel, it's too much.
You don't like it.
You need your chip.
No no, I like Wienerschnitzel, but it's when they every meal they say would you like our special Wienerschnitzel?
And they act like, yeah, we just had that nine days in a row.
Well, listen, you must go 10 days every time.
That's the rule.
Double digit Wienerschnitzel, then move to the pommes.
You're a delightful fellow.
As are you, Conan.
And I did seriously want to ask you about your workout regimen.
In the past, you told me that you worked with this guy who just, I think, beat you with a leather cord or something.
It sounded very masochistic, your workout.
Yes, this is Paolo Maschitti.
He's a shame-based trainer.
He's from Italy.
Yes, we share an Axis history, but neither one of us was involved.
So, okay.
Yes.
Was that your posting, looking for a trainer from the axis?
Yes.
It must be either Italian or Japanese.
Sorry.
Okay.
And not having been involved.
That's correct.
Well, if they were involved, they'd be like 110 years old now.
Yeah, and very wonderful with the cardiovascular.
Teach me your tips.
Do one push-up, and then they fall over.
Done.
But your workout sounded intense with this gentleman.
Well, it's very verbally abusive.
And you like that because...
You're very self-hating.
Yes, I need all of the negativity.
I turn this into positivity.
It's like when you put a battery inside of a flashlight.
It turns it on.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
If the battery's outside, what does it do?
It does nothing.
It waits to be inserted into your mag.
Okay, okay.
Do you know what I mean?
No, I don't.
I don't know what you mean.
In this metaphor, Paolo is the battery and I am a large metal stiff flashlight.
He energizes you.
He fills you with light.
He likes that rabbit, yes.
Yes.
Okay.
Good God.
I don't know what to do.
But you, as a result...
I've seen you without your shirt on.
We won't talk about that.
Let's not talk about it.
We actually have footage of it from our travel show to Germany.
Oh, yes.
And the ladies, their eyes fell out of their heads and some of the fellas.
You look like you've been chiseled by Michelangelo.
Oh, wow.
Which turtle is that?
No, no, no.
Not the turtle.
The great sculptor.
Oh, he's with a stick.
Yes.
Yes.
No, no.
Oh, he had small knives.
No, no, no, no.
Michelangelo.
Was with the pizza.
Okay.
Just let it drop.
Okay.
What I was trying to say is that very impressive.
And this is an obsession of yours.
Do you think that's very Germanic to want to have a powerful body?
A Teutonic trait?
Yes.
I need structure in my life, Conan.
Life is chaos.
What's happening?
Nobody knows.
You eat, you pee, you poo, you sleep.
Sometimes I need an added activity.
That activity is lifting things up and down.
In rapid succession.
Well, sometimes.
Sometimes slow succession is also well.
Other thing that's good is succession, the TV show.
Okay.
All right.
Let's not.
You're always here to plug a show that you weren't on that no longer exists.
Yes.
Last time you talked incessantly about I Dream of Jeannie.
No one's watched that show for 50 years.
Really?
Yeah.
Okay.
No.
Okay.
Retain to blink on a podcast is a waste of everyone's time.
So no one could hear that.
No one could hear it.
Have you seen Little House on the Prairie?
Yeah, okay.
Again, you're plugging something that no one watches anymore.
Okay.
You know, you do a wonderful service, Flula, if I may call you Flula.
Flula, please.
Let's do it.
It's my name.
Flula, you make what you call a Flalander.
Yes, I do.
It's a calendar, but it's a Flula calendar.
And then you send it to all of us and they're always delightfully fun.
Oh, thank you.
Because each month is you having a bit of a prank.
Yeah.
Some fun with the visual.
And for 2025, your Flalander was photos of you spoofing various movie covers.
And changing the title.
Home Alone, you changed to... Go ahead.
Unsupervised Juvenile.
That's correct, yes.
Speed changed to Rapid.
Rapid, yes.
Austin Powers changed to Munich Strengths.
Munich Strengths, yes.
And Scarface to Blemish.
Yes, of course.
And you make these calendars and they're very funny and the visuals are very funny and you send them to all your friends and they help get me through the year, because I can be a depressive and sometimes I'm feeling a little down.
And then I go and I look at your calendar and I'm still down.
Yeah, I was going to say, does not change your mood.
No, not at all.
It tells you what day it is.
Yes, I know what day I'm depressed.
Well, yeah, which day is depression?
This one.
Thanks, May 2nd.
My favorite, I will tell you, is Beetlejuice was termite gravy.
So stupid.
You've had some success recently in film.
You have.
Geologically speaking, yes.
What's that?
Geologically, it's been recent, yes.
No, please.
I want to say, and last summer you were in the Amazon movie My Spy, The Eternal City.
Your co-star was David Bautista.
You played a serious villain.
Yes.
You love a villain.
Oh, I like to be a bad boy.
Yeah.
And it must be fun because I know that that was me taking off my sunglasses.
I know that you like, you're very locked in.
And so when you get to be naughty on the screen, do you know what I mean?
That must be a release for you.
Well, when you are in line at the Chipotle waiting to order your bowl of burrito, you must be nice and friendly and courteous.
Yes, yes.
But when you are told be rude to David Bautista, try to give him a woogee, then you do not have to be nice.
And that's fine.
Sorry, woogee is, oh, you're trying to say wedgie.
I don't know.
It's when you grab the underwears or perhaps the bikini bottoms of a man or woman and go up.
Yes.
And then, of course, the fabric goes up into the... Ideally up into the anus.
Into the fissure.
Well, don't say anus.
It's not cool.
What did you call it?
The fishery?
The fissure.
The crack.
Yeah.
The fissure.
There's no reason to get to the anus.
You can just say into the fissure.
Into the fissure?
Yeah.
Like Fisher Price.
Like the toys.
KB Toys.
No.
F-I-S-S-U-R-E.
Fissure.
If you say so.
Okay, I do say so.
Oh, okay.
You're in America now, buddy.
Thank you very much.
We know our rules and we know our wedgies better than anybody.
That's true.
Is this true?
Yeah.
We invented them.
The wedgie was invented in America in 1915.
Oh, Degrassi Junior High.
That's Canadian.
Oh, it is?
Yeah.
Oh, sorry, Canada.
You're so screwed up.
Are you speaking to them again?
We don't know.
What's happening?
We're working it all out.
Okay.
Yes, our leader is taking care of it.
Oh, great.
And we trust him.
You, um... You... Yes?
Just say it, Conan.
I don't think you have a purpose on this podcast.
I think you are without rudder.
I think you are drifting, and you say, what's your next question?
Question?
This is a... You are a... tornado of foolishness of absurdity what do you mean what's the next question you could have stopped at you don't have a purpose and I would have agreed with you heavily oh what kind of juice oh it looks like blood this I'm drinking right now heroin yeah I know from the color we were sent a I did an event recently The Oscars, you might have heard of it.
No, I'm not bragging about that.
I did an event for the show Severance, which is my favorite TV show right now.
I love Severance.
And they asked me to host a panel.
And then that show was on Apple.
And Apple sent a little basket of apples and some juices.
Oh, how literal.
And I went...
Of course, I was ripping through the bag looking for a computer or a watch or something.
Apples and juices, but they're very good.
Trust me, I do not need any free items.
You have enough free items?
No, I don't.
What about us?
They can give them to you and then you can give them to other people.
Eduardo has made it clear that he doesn't want anything for free, and he doesn't want any of you to get anything for free.
And I admire that about you, Eduardo.
That's not true.
You don't want an order of AirPods Pro?
No, he said no, nothing.
We all do.
I was gifted recently a vintage 1958 Porsche, completely restored, and Eduardo made me give it back.
He said, it's not a good look for the company.
And I said, well, do you want it?
And he said, not only do I not want it, no one should have it.
Well, who gave it to you?
The United Arab Emirates?
Yes.
The Emirates.
Yeah.
I've done some favors for the Emirates.
I have seen it.
Yeah.
Why are you still on MySpace?
It worked out for me.
Let's just put it that way.
I agree.
Yes, yes.
Put me in your top six, just so you know, for future reference.
Let's get back to you because you're the one that people care about.
Tell me about the child, Flula.
How did you become this improbable, ridiculous man?
What were your interests?
What did you love to do?
Did you run through the fields?
Did you have friends?
Tell me about yourself.
Yes and no.
So I did enjoy the fields of running.
I had very little friends and very little siblings.
By that, I mean zero.
I didn't kill or eat them.
They simply didn't come out of my mother's hole.
Fisher.
Sorry.
Fisher.
Fisher.
Thank you.
Thank you, Matthias.
Thank you, Matthias.
So there was only actually zero things came from her.
Fisher?
Well, no, you came.
Well, I was a Caesar salad.
So I came out.
You came out.
I came out as a salad.
So you were the entree.
No, you were the appetizer.
I was all three of those.
I was like in and out.
There's what you get to get a burger.
Bye bye.
You know.
Okay.
So this was your crazy, horrific way of saying no siblings.
You were an only child.
Yes.
So you were born and they said there'll be no more of this.
Well, something in German and I couldn't intelligible it because I was very young.
You were very young.
Yeah.
When you're a baby in Germany, do you cry angrily?
Do you go?
Oh, my God.
Yes.
Well, I'm just curious.
Yeah, it starts that way.
Yeah.
We have to adjust.
It's like a modulation.
Sometimes it's screaming.
You have to get to whispers.
Yeah.
And it is in the other direction.
You're correct.
You guys, I believe.
Yes.
Very good.
And people say cultures can't come together.
They can't understand each other, but they can.
They can, sexually.
Okay.
Just cut that, Eduardo.
No, no, no, we're not.
Eduardo stopped listening a long time ago.
Oh, he's left.
What did you do for fun?
What did young Flulo do for fun?
We understand that you ran through the fields and that you were alone.
We know why, but what were you doing for fun?
Did you like music?
What did you watch on television?
What influenced you?
Young Flula.
Well, to say this implies there has been an evolution.
Things have not changed since I was Young Flula.
I listened to C&C Music Factory.
Things that make you go, hmm?
Do you know that song?
I was at the club sitting by the fireplace drinking cocoa on the bearskin rug.
That's C&C Music Factory?
This would be, yes, colon civilis, C&C.
Okay.
Going to make you sweat till you bleed.
Yes, it's dope enough indeed.
I paid the price to control the dice.
I'm more precise to the point I'm nice.
Yes.
Incredible.
I mean, this is fantastic.
And you, Matthias, I lived a life.
I'm a grown man.
I've lived a life.
You have lived a life, a deep life.
Did you grow up also in Erlangen, Germany?
Yes.
Ja.
Ich heiße auf Stuttgart.
Du kommst aus Stuttgart?
Ja.
Das ist doch schön.
Das ist schönes Wetter heute, nicht wahr?
I feel like I'm an inglorious bastard and I'm just trying to hope no one notices me.
If you use the thumb, that's what got him in trouble.
That's how you do it, yes.
And this is also, I have nailed a tray, Jason Tatum, your favorite player, yes?
From Dublin.
From the Celtics, yes.
He's an Irishman, a good Irishman, Mr. Tatum.
Originally Mr. Tater.
Oh, I gotta go.
Listen, we're going to talk about you some more.
So you would hang out in the clubs.
You love CNC Music Factory.
Yes, of course.
And you still do to this day.
Of course.
Would you like the song, It's Raining Men?
Hallelujah, it's raining men.
I mean, it's an acceptable song.
I always listened to that song and thought, men are falling to their deaths.
Right.
You know what I mean?
They all die.
And they land on the happy women who are excited that men are falling.
Shattered vertebrae.
It's all a very Thelma Louise song, because at the end they will be also crushed by the weight of these men, assuming these men are of normal height, weight and mass.
Yes, yes.
And they've reached a critical speed.
Terminal velocity, literally.
Terminal velocity, yes, literally terminal.
You know, it's funny.
If you listen to this, not this, but if you listen slowly, you'll occasionally hear something intelligent.
It's like every now and then it's this stew that's just got nothing.
But every now and then there's just a little piece of beef.
In the song, it's Raining Men, Hallelujah.
No, no, in this conversation we're having.
So I should listen to the song slowly.
Using those big Bose headphones.
No one's ever analyzed that song ever.
Well, when it first came out, I said, this is terrible.
And it scared me.
It's raining men.
And I pictured men falling from the sky.
Oh, yes.
And falling on top of those women and killing them.
Because let's say the average man weighs, I don't know, 185, 195 pounds.
It's a lot of pounds.
It's a lot of pounds.
I once thought about the song I'm Your Penis, I'm Your Fire, Your Desire, which is also very disturbing.
It's not I'm Your Venus.
It's Your Venus.
In German, it's penis.
Oh.
It's Your Venus here?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Why would a girl be singing I'm Your Penis?
How do you know it's a girl?
I didn't see the video.
Oh.
Can I tell you something that I was always... Todd Thompson.
This is a real misunderstanding I have.
Oh, God.
What's wrong, Conan?
I'll be fine.
Do you need an eccentric?
You know that song?
Hey there, amigo.
Days when the rain, you know.
Oh, Brown Eyed Girl.
Brown Eyed Girl.
Oh, yes.
By Van Morrison.
By Van Morrison, yes.
I honestly thought there's a line in it.
No, there's a line where he says going down in the old mine for a transistor radio, with a transistor radio meaning he goes down into one of the mines.
A metaphor.
And listens to a transistor radio.
I swear to God.
For years, I thought he was saying, going down on an old man for a transistor radio.
And I thought, how bad do you want?
That better be a great radio.
Yes, that's a fair exchange, depending on the radio.
Well, I mean, this has to be AM, FM at least.
At least have both.
Yeah, and it has to have a good speaker system.
Yes, and the man's ding-dong is hopefully small.
Why?
What are we talking about?
Once you're there, does it really matter?
Does it really matter what size the ding dong is?
Also, if you're down in a mine, you can't get reception on a transistor radio.
Oh, that's a good point.
And the bigger point is why did I think that a guy was blowing an old man so he could borrow his transistor radio?
And he's receiving the fellatio in a mine?
No, I think it's either man or mine, so it can't be both.
He didn't go down into a mine to blow a guy.
He blew a guy to get a radio.
Oh.
You know, can I say something?
Location is independent.
This can't air.
This won't air.
Maybe he went down on a mime.
Oh, a mime.
Oh.
He went down on a mime, and the mime's just making faces.
And just pointing down.
Oh, and the mime is walking against the wind in place while he's being blown.
Yes.
Yes.
And then he's in a box.
But then he comes and he opens the box.
He orgasms and he opens the top of the box.
He's living in a cardboard box.
I hate you.
You still hit and delete over there?
I'm not a fan of yours anymore.
Agreed, Conan.
And I'll tell you why I'm not a fan.
Please tell me the reasons.
This was a great podcast.
This was my chance to have someone from another nation come on from across the sea and have a cultural exchange.
And it's become... And I blame you.
Of course.
Because...
On any ordinary day, this is a very, very, you know, I think, well... Regal.
Regal podcast.
Yes.
Thank you.
That was the word I was searching for.
Regal.
Yeah.
You... I have a question for you.
Oh, it is?
Okay.
One of your dreams, I know, is to be in a James Bond movie as a villain.
Or do you think you could be James Bond?
And this...
Matthias coincides with his.
He loves James Bond movies.
And I've been thinking about it.
You're in great shape.
Thank you.
Good looking.
You're the correct age.
What?
Why can't James Bond be German?
Can he be?
Can he be German?
Well, I mean, you're putting this on me?
Yeah.
Sure.
Yeah.
Do you want to be James Bond or do you want to be a villain?
You'd be a good henchman, too.
I like any of those.
I like henches.
I would do any of those things.
I think you'd be an amazing henchman.
I think it's going to be a problem to say His Majesty's Secret Service.
His Majesty's Secret Service.
Hello to you.
But listen to you.
It's me, 007.
Watch out.
You know what?
This audition is going very well.
Please come in, 007.
We have an assignment for you.
Thank you for inviting me in, Penny Money.
Okay.
We know.
That you are, of course, a proud son of England and that you would do anything for the queen.
I will do all of the things for the queen and also to be clear, to the queen.
Okay.
Oh.
Okay.
Listen.
Bond, do come along.
Absolutely.
I mean, it's a little bit of a problem that he's from Germany.
Let's try him out as a villain.
Okay.
So you're Bond.
You guys are having your big monologuing moment.
Okay, so I have stumbled.
You captured me.
Yeah, you're captured.
You're holding me captain, in your.
It's a volcano that you carved out, and you're showing me how you're going to destroy the world.
Hello.
Dr. Flula.
Yes.
Dr. Flula, I presume.
Yes.
Hello to you, James.
And welcome to my, is that your James Bond?
I don't know.
What is that?
I've got to, listen.
I was Connor.
What was that?
I was trying to do a sort of a, you know, Well, I'm trying to figure out what my bond is.
Hold on a second.
Let me get it.
Let me get it.
I think he's... Hold on.
Is it a Roger Moore?
It's like this.
He talks like he's not very intimidating.
Well, no.
What is this?
Your bond is collecting butterflies.
No, your bond, just to match who you are, he's like this.
He talks like this.
No, that's not my bond.
Don't tell me who my bond is.
You're either this kind of bond like this.
No, he's not that bond.
Or you're like...
I'm Roger Moore.
Well, that's Roger Moore towards the end.
Hello, I'm James Bond.
Hello, I'm James Bond.
We'll try it this way.
Dr. Flula, you seem to have captured me in your volcano.
What is your plan?
Yes, Timothy Dalton.
Thank you for coming to my volcano that I have emptied out using a tiny shovel for 200 years.
I did notice there are no henchmen.
Usually people have henchmen, but I suppose you... I'm sorry, but you're like a prospect.
So bad.
Hold on a second.
Mine's better than yours.
I'm just wondering.
Yes, James.
Is your gold in this here hill?
There may be, Jane.
No, let me ask you something.
Just a little bit of a question for you, Mr. Dr. Flula, if you will.
What are your intentions?
How do you plan to take over the world?
It's very simple, really, Timothy.
I plan to just take all of the television shows, turn them into one big show and then just blare it out into the spry consensus.
You fiend.
Yes.
This will destroy the world as we know it.
It's called Max, which is the same place Conan Must Go is airing.
Season two, streaming now.
Nicely done.
Yes.
I think that audition went quite well.
You're hired.
You're both hired.
Oh, great.
Amazon called and they've got their new bond.
You're not hired.
Let me tell you something.
My bond is fascinating because you never know what you're going to get next.
You can't hone in on, is he Australian?
Yosemite Sam.
Is he Yosemite Sam?
Is his jaw broken?
Right.
You don't know exactly what's going on with my Bond.
Yes, yes, shapeshifter.
Name's Bond, James Bond.
Yes.
You're like a rogue, a cypher.
What's the one lady from X-Men who could be anything, but when she was relaxed looked like a seahorse?
Oh, Mystique.
Yes, you're like Mystique.
Okay, all right.
God, you know, you are so well-versed in your movies and your pop culture and you love a video game, don't you?
Oh, I do love a video game.
You like Grand Theft Auto?
I like GTA, a medium amount to large amount, depending on the amount.
Do you call it Grand Theft Auto?
Yes, I go Grand Thievery Automobile.
I think you should say things full names.
Do they have a German edition of Grand Theft Auto where you're on the Autobahn?
You're not because it's too fast.
We have a GTA Düsseldorf, which involves not exceeding 35 kilometers per hour.
And everything is kept very clean?
Of course.
And no one breaks any rules?
You are immediately arrested.
Game over.
So you're saying GTA Dusseldorf, it doesn't go very far, right?
Yes.
You're questioned very quickly.
That's correct.
If you break the laws in GTA Dusseldorf, two weeks later you will receive a fine in the mail directly from the PlayStation company.
Oh, wow.
That's terrible.
Sorry, but how was your drink?
It's very good.
Please, let's not make it about me.
Let's make it about you.
Okay.
I am curious, what's your favorite of the video games?
Of all the video games in the world?
Yeah.
I enjoyed to play Zaxxon.
Oh, Zaxxon.
Which is a very old school game with two X's, involves a fake 3D and a spaceship that goes up and down.
What happens on Zaxxon?
I don't remember that one.
You're kind of like Space Invaders style, right?
So you're shooting up.
This is 1980s technology.
I've told you I have not evolved since I have been Y Flula, which is short for Young Flula.
So in 1985, someone hit you with a brick and you have not evolved since then.
I do not know about the brick.
Something definitely hit my cranium.
Okay.
Conan, what's your favorite video game?
Tell me immediately.
OK, I will tell you my favorite video game.
I have to say it's those World War Two, you know, war games.
Call of Duty.
I like those.
I like anything where or I like the World War One Call of Duty.
That might be my favorite because there's a lot of biplanes and Zeppelins flying around.
I just like something has a little bit of a historic connotation.
I'm shocked you answered that question.
Also, I like Slenderman.
I know that's a really old reference, but I think it was based on me.
And I think I'm the original concept behind Slenderman.
That's a video game?
I thought it was a film.
I thought it was just an urban legend that then became a film.
I think it was a video game.
Wasn't there a video game, Slenderman?
And just saying Slenderman.
Why are you saying it's Slenderman?
Of the Connecticut Slendermans?
Yeah.
He's the one that got me into the club, the Slenderman.
It's a computer game, according to this.
Oh, okay.
Well, forget I said it.
No, you got it.
You were right.
That was wonderful.
It was a computer game.
Yes.
Okay, well, listen.
Slenderman.
I want to stay focused.
Okay.
You like to play Zaxxon.
You listen to C&C Music Factory.
You think that Reagan is just beginning his second term.
It's just now started.
Yes, it's 1985.
Right.
There's some signs that maybe he's slipping a little bit, but everyone's going.
What are you talking about?
It's like, listen, tear down that wall.
Yeah.
That's all he says.
Were you okay with that when he said?
Well, I would prefer to remove it gently brick by brick.
Yeah.
I think that's better.
Just for safety reasons.
Yeah, exactly.
The energy I supported.
Yeah.
Did you not support this?
Oh, no, I did.
I was very happy.
I thought Germany should be united east and west.
Like the Koreas.
Right.
Well, I would like it if they would resolve the Korean issue as well.
Great enough global talk.
Yeah.
I mean it's getting a little serious here, but if you're going to ask me questions that are serious, I'll answer them.
Yes, I do wish that the division between North and South Korea ended and it was one country.
What about the Carolinas?
I think no, no.
That's impossible.
That's impossible.
The division between North and South Carolina.
If anything, there's going to be a third Carolina.
Yes.
And don't get me started on the Virginia's.
Virginia's, yeah.
West is proper.
Hey, don't say that.
West is the only Virginia as far as I'm concerned.
I don't agree, friend.
Really?
Snap what?
Shots fired.
You've got the power.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
He shows a sign.
You don't know snap?
That's the sound of a fire shot, yes.
You are a fan of coin collecting.
I'm going to switch topics quickly.
Yes.
Because that's what you have to do with Flula to keep it going.
Yes, buffalo head nickels.
Now, when did this begin?
Wheat pennies.
What?
Wheat pennies.
Oh, pennies that have the little shafts of wheat on them.
Shafts?
Huh?
Sprigs?
Oh.
What?
Yes.
Why do you derail everything I say?
There are pennies that have little pieces of wheat on them.
I just said shafts of wheat and you derailed the whole thing.
Sorry, but a shaft to me is a very different item than a piece of wheat.
But yes, wheat pennies.
Yeah.
Okay, I guess I'm the one in the wrong here.
I've never heard shaft of penny, but I think we all think of dicks when you say shaft, right?
I was thinking of a penis, yes, a ding-dong, sorry.
A ding-dong, sorry.
You said shaft, so we all didn't know you were talking about wheat.
We thought you were talking about a penis, a ding-dong.
If someone says the elevator's not available today because we're working on the shaft, you immediately think Penis.
That's what you mean.
You have to work on the penis to fix the elevator.
I'm going to try hard to make this better.
You collect these coins.
Yes.
What else do you besides the buffalo head and the wheat pennies?
What else do you collect?
What's your most valuable coin that you have in your collection?
Flula, answer quickly.
I have none of value, but I did once have a bicentennial quarter, which was made in 1976 to celebrate your bicentennial, which is 200 years of being America.
Yes, yes.
It was quite a long time ago now, of course, but I would think that that would be a very common.
It wasn't that long ago.
No, it's also, it's worth 26 cents.
LAUGHTER
Conan, are you a collector of items?
I really am not.
You could say I have a guitar collection.
Oh, but I shouldn't.
Well, you'll be punished if you do.
Oh.
I have a lot of guitars.
I didn't seek them out.
I sought a few of them out, but mostly over the years of musical people coming on my show and seeing it rehearsal that I played guitar or was trying to get better at guitar.
They would gift me a guitar.
And over the years I've amassed a bunch.
And at some point I want to, some of them are quite strange.
Oh, and I want to share them with the world at some point.
And, um, and tell the story behind some of them.
Some of them are incredible, and then some of them are quite absurd and ridiculous.
A guitar I got, I believe, maybe from Sweden, which is made with a bathroom scale is the base of the guitar and there's a neck coming out of it and it's a functioning bathroom scale.
Some of them look like my face.
I don't see the value of that.
It's a delicious face.
But also some really good, great guitars.
I smell a new podcast, Conag.
Conan O'Brien needs a guitar.
Yes.
Oh, it's not a guitar where I'm nagged and hectored by... No.
Okay.
No, it'd be very supportive where every time you receive a new...
Guitar.
Yes.
It's not called a diddly-doo.
Well, it's shorter to say diddly-doo.
I don't think so.
I think guitar is faster.
Everyone knows what I'm saying when I say diddly-doo.
It's not a clarinet.
Okay.
It's not a tuba.
Okay.
It's a guitar.
What do you guys call a tuba?
A tuba.
What do you call a tuba?
We call it a taiben.
A taiben?
Yeah.
Listen, you are... I don't know.
I can't get a beat on you.
It's like trying to push down on a moist seed.
It just squirts away.
But you're putting it all on him.
I think you're bringing a little of this in.
No, no, no.
Excuse me.
I am not.
You said shaft of wheat.
You did say that.
You knew where that went.
Yeah.
No, I didn't.
You think everything I say.
If I said like oh look, there's a red balloon, you're like oh, here he goes with his dicks again.
I mean, not everything is a penis.
I thought that meant diaphragm, but yes, it's fine.
I'm going to ask you something.
You keep a diary, I'm told.
How do you know about this?
Because I borrowed it last night while you were sleeping.
Oh, so that was your entry?
Yes, that was my entry.
What's your obsession with termites?
I came into your apartment, and no, you keep a diary.
You're a loyal keeper of a diary, but you don't call it a diary.
You call it a...
What's that?
I thought it was a Tagebuch.
Well, why did you call it something else?
I did research here.
I had people watching you for a while.
Thank you.
I know.
I left my door unlocked.
You keep...
A diary, or as you call it, a Tagebuch.
Tagebuch.
Why do you keep a diary?
Are you journaling in this diary?
What are you writing in your diary?
Every day there are three things that are wrong and three things that are right, and I have to write about those things and then I do it, then I fix the things that are wrong or perhaps leave them, be and cry about them and move on.
Okay.
Do you not have a target book, Conan?
I don't write down the things that are right and the things that are wrong.
I don't understand that part.
I mean, I have to-do lists, like, oh, I should do this, I should do that.
Sometimes I write down my feelings.
Wrong.
Another podcast with, you know.
Matt and Sona, boy, they really get in the way and they stop me from being my true self.
But that's correct.
Yes, yes.
They are holding you down.
Yeah.
Think of the heights I could scale if it weren't for these monsters.
Some things in my tucker book.
Yeah.
Eduardo, what's he up to over there?
Nobody knows.
Fiddling with his dials.
What are those for?
A chef.
Yes, chef.
You know, Eduardo, you're better than that.
Everyone looks up to you on this podcast and now you've done it.
Your favorite superhero is Spider-Man.
How did you know this?
Because I looked in your diary and it says Flula loves Spider-Man.
Yes.
Or Flula Spider-Man or Mrs. Flula Spider-Man.
You just dream about Spider-Man all day long.
Why do you like Spider-Man the best of all the heroes?
I like that he has limitless webs because if he's super hungry, he can also just go...
You can eat the webs?
If you're a spider, absolutely.
I guess it's fiber.
I never thought of that.
Maybe the webs are like a hardened cheese.
Of course.
It's like a berry.
It's a Münster.
A Münster.
Is that the right way to say it?
I say Münster, yes.
What do you say?
Now I say Münster.
Oh, thank you.
I say Münster.
If I see the umlaut...
Yeah.
R-U-E is also like an umlaut.
You guys, you have a great language.
You have an umlaut.
And I love the umlaut.
And I wish we had an umlaut in this country.
I'd like to, I bet you carry an umlaut with you wherever you go.
Two periods.
Yes.
But it changes Munster to Munster.
It's fantastic.
Do you like an umlaut?
Sure.
Yeah.
Okay.
I love an umlaut.
Yeah.
My favorite's the Denver umlaut.
You know what?
Let me tell you something.
Oh, come on.
I'll tell you why I'm funny and then I'll tell you how I'm funny.
Adam doesn't even know what's happening.
We're bringing you down?
You just said Denver umlaut.
You owe everybody an apology.
You know what's so funny?
Um...
Adam is always usually very supportive.
He's supportive 98% of the time.
Today, whenever I speak, he looks like he's having gas pain under his sternum.
Oh, I assumed he's deathly ill.
Yeah.
You're not the problem, apparently.
Oh, no, I am the problem.
You think so?
Yes.
I think you allow my stupidity.
It's your fault.
I welcome it and love it and hug it and spoon it.
All right, then.
It's my favorite thing.
I don't want to get too personal, but how's your love life?
Listen, I am.
I'm dating currently a techno whole note.
That's right.
Oh, what?
It's four beats of delicious techno at 102 BPM.
Consistent, reliable.
I can pause it, mute it, turn it up.
It's delicious.
So can I hear what it sounds like for a second?
That is what you're dating.
Yes.
Okay.
Does it have a name?
Hmm.
Okay.
Fool.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I've always wanted.
Say it.
I've always wanted you to be in a relationship.
I know you.
You're a good-looking Germanic fellow.
You're in the clubs.
In the clubs, yes.
You've got this incredible, you know, abs.
You're probably dating a different BPM every night.
Oh, yes.
I will switch it up quickly.
Thanks, Spotify.
Do you want it? date him?
Very much.
Say it, Conan.
You're just going on and on about him.
It just sounds like... He's a dreamboat.
Are you in an open relationship, Conan?
My wife would like me to be.
Oh, she's insisting.
My wife has suggested several times, actually several times a week that maybe I'd like to explore other possibilities.
Conan, let's go visit a proverbial coffee bean and tea leaf together.
Oh, I would do that anytime.
Oh, I mean proverbial, though.
Oh, so you're talking about something else.
Yes.
You know.
Your tea bean, my leaf.
I don't know what to do with you.
Same.
You know what's funny?
They give me pages of what they think I'm going to talk to Flula about.
Yes.
But none of it.
What good is this?
You can't have notes when you talk to Flula Ball.
Don't do it.
No, don't do it.
Don't do it, Conan.
And drugs in the 70s and 80s.
Just don't do it.
Put that frying pan away and also that egg that you cracked on it.
That's your mind on drugs.
No one knows what we're talking about.
They don't know it.
No, it's been too long.
It has been too long.
Do you like your life?
Are you a happy fellow?
I'm a happy man.
Are you a happy man, Kona?
I'm concerned.
God, he's so good at turning it back on me all the time.
Yes, I'm a very happy person.
Oh, you're reflecting back on me with your shiny...
Gluten pouch.
My gluten pouch.
My stomach bag, yeah.
I am a happy man.
Okay.
I believe I am.
You've had some recent, very exciting news.
I don't know when this is airing.
They were recent to me.
This won't air.
You'll never hear this.
Oh, great.
I will bury this.
This will be put into deep, into a salt mine in Utah.
But you recently, oh, where?
Provo?
Don't you ever look at me and say Provo.
I'm so sorry.
I cannot.
The one thing I will not have is someone yelling Provo at me in a German accent.
It's your safe word.
Yes, I've had a good year.
I've had a good run.
You won Marcus Twine.
You won an award made.
Mark Twain.
He's a famous American humorist.
Anarchist?
Oh.
No, he's not an anarchist.
He was an American humorist, and it's a very nice thing that happened.
I was honored by my fellow members of the comedian community.
Oh, wonderful.
The CC.
So it's not a man that invented twine like Alfred Nobel invented dynamite?
No, no.
And using your logic, Alfred Nobel would have invented Nobel.
So you're an idiot.
Oh, which is a book that is much shorter.
It's half of a novel.
Okay.
Why speak to you, I guess, is the question.
Or why even continue?
You brought up, I've had some good fortune lately, but no one wants to hear about me.
They want to hear it because...
I want to hear about Fluleborg, a man who grew up in, where is it called?
Erlangen.
Erlangen.
Oh, no, I like your guess.
What was your guess?
Greben.
Grebenheiden.
Grebenheiden, yeah.
You grew up in a small village.
Grebenheiden.
Where not only are the shoes wooden, but all the clothes are wooden.
And all the heidens are greben.
Yeah.
Greben and schluden.
And you decided one day you would leave your father's cuckoo clock factory.
I said bye-bye to you, birds rotating in a circle.
And you said, I will come to America and find my future.
Those are my exact words.
Yes.
And then you said, I hope I have enough.
And you lurched into your pockets and you had some rare coins, some wheat coins.
Some wheat kind of full of shafts.
Yes.
Reach down into that deep pocket of yours.
Yes, it's so deep.
Shafts of wheat.
And then you also, there was probably a hazelnut in there, a little treat.
Of course.
And then you took a boat, I believe, to come to this country.
I did.
There were several planes available, but I selected a boat.
About.
About, yes.
About.
And then I accidentally won a hype man contest.
And then that was my decision to come here and do a professional thing called whatever this is.
Yeah.
You, I would imagine, would be a great hype man.
Don't you think you'd be the best hype man?
I think so.
Yeah.
Can I hear some of your hype man that you do in the clubs?
Hey, everyone.
It's me, Flule Borg.
Welcome to your concert.
If you're excited, raise one or both of your hands if you have two.
If you only have one, then raise one.
If you have no hands, oops.
You shouldn't have worked in that factory.
Yes.
You know you were my hype man because I did a tour a couple of years ago.
Went to very funny comedians.
And me.
Yes.
No, no.
You were hilarious, but you would also be a bit of a hype man for me.
Yes, I was very supportive of your journey as a stand-up comic comedian man.
And also you would do the crowd work.
You would go into the crowd with a microphone so that people could ask me questions.
I did.
I did.
And my favorite thing is whenever you tripped or had trouble making your way through the crowd, you'd go Scheitzer, which is a shit, but I just it always cracked me up, accurate and happened all the time.
Yes, I'm very uncoordinated.
Yeah, that means you have no accordion.
Yes exactly, accordion free since 83.
Okay, I I.
I don't know.
This is either a very good episode.
No, it's the worst episode.
I now play trombone, Conan.
Trombone.
I've released a children's album.
You have?
Yeah, it's called, you know.
No, I don't know.
I don't know what it's called.
Oh, it's Slippery When Peeled.
Okay, you...
You should be detained by authorities.
I look forward to it.
When was the last time someone looked at your papers and decided whether you should stay or not?
Because that's, you know, that's a thing that's real thing that's happening now.
And I think we should look at your papers.
Well, thank God I have just a passport, which is just a book.
So the papers I don't bring out with me anymore.
Also, I'm going to make a stand-up comedy special.
Oh, when's that coming out?
I don't know.
You're very good at plugging things, aren't you?
When's your special coming out?
In the future, Conan.
I will tell you all about it.
Okay, well, you'll be back.
Oh, okay, great.
Does that red light we can stop mean?
No, that means we've reached the one-third point.
We still have two thirds of that.
So we have two sections equal in size to the last section.
Yes.
It's like a hockey game.
Yes, exactly.
Now we have to do if that was 40 minutes, we have to now do 80 minutes of inventing German words like Auwengleider.
Yeah, so Aufengleider is a very interesting thing.
It's what you use to hang certain sized jeans.
Really?
You know, you told me that I take stabs at German words and that occasionally it's a real word or almost a real word.
Ja, Augengleider is what kind of what you said, which is which is like an eye smoothie.
Smoothie made of eyes?
I don't know.
You said it.
Flula, what's next for you?
What are you working on now?
Because I know you have a fan base.
People want to see what you're doing.
What's coming up for Flula Borg?
Are you going to be in a movie, a television show?
Are you doing a show anywhere?
How can I get the word out about Flula Borg?
Thank you for this very long question, which included several guesses.
Conan, I will be in a movie called Champagne Problems on Netflix.
It is a Christmas rom-com.
Hey, that's great.
Champagne Problems.
Who are you in that with?
I'm also in it with Minka Kelly.
Oh, I love Minka Kelly.
Yes, and others.
Oh, you're going to get an angry message from and others.
From who?
We don't know.
Yeah.
And looking forward to that.
You enjoy the acting.
I enjoy to act very much, Conan.
It's a nice way to escape into something and say bye bye and then come out and say hello.
Have you seen Shawshank Redemption?
Yes, I have.
It's a wonderful film.
Now you're promoting Shawshank Redemption.
Have you seen it?
Yes, I have.
Many times.
Tijuana-nejo?
Tijuana-nejo?
Tijuana-nejo, yes.
Tijuana-nejo.
Yes, yes, in Mexico.
I support Morgan Freeman as an actor.
I think he's very talented.
Well, you know, it's been debated whether he should be allowed to act, and your support will be a key Vote.
Vote.
Vote.
Vote, yes.
If I could stop you, Flula, I would.
Please do it.
But I think you're unstoppable.
You're an unstoppable force of nature.
That's only because I outweigh you by 13 kilograms.
Flula, I thank you for being here.
I apologize for all of the minutes we spent together.
We can never have those back.
I adore you.
I'm going to say that in all seriousness.
I'm going to look you in the eye, Flula.
Thank you.
And say that whatever you're selling, I am buying because you are a hilarious, hilarious gentleman and I really enjoy you.
Likewise, Conan, thank you for having me and letting me join this table.
Everyone now making eye contact as if we are drinking beverages, which is very important when you cheers.
Yes.
Rule, that's one thing to remember, listeners of CONAF.
Available wherever podcasts are located.
Okay, now I feel like I'm being mocked.
What?
This is over.
No, I'm promoting your show to ensure its longevity.
Do we have security?
Can someone escort him out?
Oh, you're going to do it, Eduardo?
Please do it.
This guy's going to toss you around like a rag doll.
Hot.
Get out!
Get out!
Okay, I'm leaving.
Bye!
Put in some footsteps.
And now, Matthias, can you add some going downstairs sounds?
Yeah.
Oh, I forgot my fanny pack.
Ooh, that's kind of sexy.
Bye again.
And then more, yeah.
He's done it for us.
Jesus.
It's tradition that we have Flula sit in for the third act segment here.
Wonderful.
He is such a good guest.
I enjoy him so much.
I always say, why would we have him leave when he has nothing else going on professionally?
Well, I checked.
You have no automobile.
I don't.
And you have, I'm a pedestrian through and through.
Yes.
And I don't think you have an apartment.
I refuse one.
So anyway, he's going to help us out today.
And what are we doing?
Well, we're going to do a Review the Reviewers where we go to Apple Podcasts and we find a review and we read it.
And we kind of comment on the review that's commenting on this show.
So you can join us for any opinions or any thoughts you have on this.
I may offer feedback to the feedback.
Exactly.
So many.
Or you may have thoughts about how this podcast could be improved.
I'm just assuming you're a huge fan.
This is from listener KP in the Boston area.
Five stars.
Kristaps Porzingis.
You know him?
Yes, we do.
Okay.
Title, best podcast to listen to during an MRI.
Oh, I didn't know he was injured.
I'm sorry you had to find out this way.
You need to check up on your friends a little more.
I feel very bad.
Sorry about that, Kristaps.
Yeah.
As I left the appointment, the tech said I did great.
And after a pause, he added, no one's ever requested Conan.
Well, I say that more people should.
Awesome podcast.
I love you guys and I'm sending extra love and support to Sona and her family.
Hugs.
Oh, that's very sweet.
That's very sweet.
My first question would be I would love to watch the images of a brain that's listening to this podcast.
What happens to the human brain?
Just a flat line.
It might be.
I don't know.
They might start to see areas of the brain light up that aren't supposed to light up.
This is kind of insulting.
If I'm, if I'm going to be honest, because you have to be extremely still in an MRI, which means this person wasn't even giggling a little bit.
Yes.
Well, we don't know that.
Maybe, maybe, maybe this person was laughing really hard.
Their head was moving around.
And they didn't get a really good scan.
Well, the technician said that the person did great.
Do you think that technician cares?
No.
The technician said that... This guy was lulled to sleep by this podcast.
Shit, I didn't think about that.
The calmest patient he's ever had.
I hear they've been playing this podcast during massages at massage parlors and spas.
You know, I've heard that they play our podcast when someone's having eye surgery.
And if they move even a millimeter, they'll be blinded for life.
And they say people are just completely rigid, unmoving, and almost frozen.
Did you hear in the new Mission Impossible when he's diffusing a bomb, he requests our podcast?
Yes.
Let's play season three.
Tom Cruise's hand is shaking just slightly.
Let's play something.
And disengaged.
Wow.
You defused the bomb at 35 seconds.
Not the required one second left for most action movies.
Thanks, Conan.
You know what?
That's terribly insulting.
I took it a different way.
And then what I heard that you didn't hear is no one ever asked for Conan.
Oh, that's true.
That's the part I heard.
I think they're used to getting music.
So maybe you're the first ever podcast.
I might be the first podcast.
I might be the first podcast that's been listened to during an MRI.
And you know what that stands for?
Yes.
Portland Trailblazers.
Okay.
You need an MRI.
Definitely.
Yes.
Have you had a checkup recently, Fula?
I'm having a dentist appointment tomorrow.
Okay.
Shall I request a Marie?
Yes, you should.
I would be fascinated to find out what would happen if they looked, if they could get inside your mind and look at it.
Yes.
I bet it would be just a lot of little gears made of chocolate turning around.
Both of you guys like that exchange you had during the earlier interview if you were both hooked up to MRIs during that.
I think the MRIs would get up and leave.
Yes.
They'd be like the two grumpy men in the Muppets.
Just leave.
Jack Lemmon and Walter Matthau.
Yes.
Okay.
Grumpy old MRIs.
Yes.
So we think that this guy was very still and didn't laugh at all during the MRI.
Correct.
Yes.
They have to be very still.
Hey, maybe it was one of those really serious podcasts they do.
Don't you do an ASMR episode once a week?
No.
That's me trying to be funny.
Oh, that's what that is.
Yeah.
Eduardo, cut.
No.
So you often listen to my podcast and think I'm just trying to make noises.
When I have insomnia, it sounds like you're trying to open a bag of Skittles.
Yes.
Then I'm out.
That's me talking to Jeff Garlin.
Oh, that's what that was?
That is literally white noise.
It does work.
A bag of skittles.
I love the way you say things.
Oh, thank you.
Things.
You enhance words.
Things, yes.
No, just in general.
You know what I'm talking about, Sona.
I do.
It's cool.
I like it.
I heard you say it when I said boat.
Boat.
When you say boat.
Boat, yes.
I just love it.
We're going to need to pick a boat.
Yes, Jaws.
Friends have filmed the mouth.
No, it's called Jaws.
Not the mouth.
It's Jaws.
Okay.
What do you call E.T.?
What?
Weird guy.
Okay.
Weird guy.
Weird guy.
I think weird guy is just as good.
Weird guy is just as good as E.T.
Same syllable amount.
Well, okay, yes.
That's a good point.
Steven Spielberg's weird guy.
God, Steven Spielberg's weird guy.
Seminal movie.
From the guy who brought you the mouth.
Yeah.
If you like the mouth, you'll love the weird guy.
What's Saving Private Ryan?
Watch out, here it comes.
It's just true.
It's just true.
Close encounters.
The Americans came.
Oh, yeah.
Close encounters of the third kind.
Oh, here they come again from outside.
To the third degree.
To the third degree, yes.
Oh, my God.
Well, I think you would agree then.
I mean, what would your review of this podcast be?
What would you say?
Would you give us five stars?
Yes.
Dear Sona and Matt and Conan, I love very much your cast of pods.
It is what I listen to during all of my surgeries, elective and otherwise.
Please keep up the silent, non-emotional work.
That's a wonderful review.
Flula, thank you for joining us for this segment.
Hey, thank you for having me for this segment as well.
Review the reviewers here on CONAF.
That's Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend.
Yes, of course.
Yes, yes.
Well, thank you once again, Flula.
You're free to leave and we'll add some sound effects of you leaving.
Okay.
And this time in wooden clogs.
Yes, very German, sure.
Bye.
Oh, I thought we were doing it.
You did it.
Nice.
But that was a horse.
It's good.
That means I don't have to do anything.
That was a horse.
Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend, with Conan O'Brien, Sonam Ovsessian, and Matt Gourley.
Produced by me, Matt Gourley.
Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross, and Nick Liao.
Theme song by The White Stripes.
Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino.
Take it away, Jimmy.
Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair.
And our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples.
Engineering and mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns.
Additional production support by Mars Melnick.
Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Brit Kahn.
You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts and you might find your review read on a future episode.
Got a question for Conan?
Call the Team Coco hotline at If you haven't already, please subscribe to.
Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.
