Headspace studio. Hi, this is Dr.
Latifah Watford and welcome to Radio Headspace into Friday morning.
I just really want to thank you so very much for having me on this week.
In today's episode, we're discussing an inevitable time in many people's lives caring for aging parents or elders.
As a proud Genexer, I'm part of what's called the sandwich generation.
That means, in addition to raising my own children, I'm also now caring for my aging parents.
Although logically I knew my parents would be aging, somehow it felt like overnight they all of a sudden got old and needed me in this new and different way.
But I've learned that while this can be challenging and seem overwhelming, it also really does work to strengthen generational relationships.
As people continue to live longer and longer, it's not uncommon for me to see patients that are dealing with now caring for aging family members.
There are some things I often share with them to help them with this new stage in their life.
It's always important to remember that, yes, our family members are going to get older.
And yes, we may have or feel obligated to provide some level of care for them.
However, we also have to be realistic and have conversations about what that looks like.
Trust me, I'm speaking from experience.
As I said, I'm a proud Genexer.
I also have parents, of course, who are getting older.
And intellectually, logically, I knew my parents were going to get older.
In fact, I was excited, you know, seeing them as a grandparent and watching how our relationship changed as I became an adult.
However, that did not really prepare me for this stage.
It's amazing that I still found it quite shocking when it actually came to fruition.
Fortunately, my parents, although they're aging, are still pretty well able to take care of themselves.
But that doesn't mean that I'm not in that same space.
Recently, my father was very ill and had to be hospitalized for an extended period of time.
That is when all these things came into play, the caregiver stress, the unmatched expectations, how to deal with this situation, especially in the face of some pretty significant medical complications.
So I actually did some of the things I talked about doing.
I reached out for support.
My siblings and I and other family members kind of formed a community around my parents and the situation.
Together, we all managed to be present at the hospital while my father was there.
We also were present after he came home from the hospital to help with care in that space.
Some were in touch with their doctors to make certain that we were doing what was supposed to be done for their after hospital care.
So I didn't do it alone.
Plan for it. Ask your older family members, do you want to live with me?
Do you want to be in an assisted living?
What kind of things do you want done for you as you get older that are going to be my or our responsibility?
Be very explicit. Sometimes these conversations are difficult, but they're necessary.
Building this foundation of understanding of what's to come can eliminate some of the difficulties that you will face in the future that can derail your relationship or make things unnecessarily harder.
And while you're planning, you got to be real.
You have to be realistic about what your resources are and set realistic expectations both for yourself and for your aging family members.
One thing very important to remember for your own sanity and health and well -being is taking a break as a caregiver doesn't mean you're quitting.
Taking a break as a caregiver means that I am getting ready to get back into it.
It means that I recognize that my internal resources, my resilience, my strength, my energy is wearing thin.
And I have to step away so I can rebuild that so I can come back and do what I need to do.
Because if you continue to be a caregiver in the space of I don't have anything else to give, it's not going to only be bad for you, but it's going to be bad for everybody involved.
Not just the aging parents, but also your children or your significant other as well as your career.
Because when you get to empty, you just can't run anymore.
So remember, there are ways that you can balance it.
Go into this new stage with plans.
Talk about what you can and can't do.
Be realistic about your resources and allow yourself to take a break so you can come back better and stronger.
That's it for today.
Again, thank you so much for listening.
And I'll see you in the next one.
So enjoy endless fun and rewards at Capital Landmalls in the West.
Let's shop to the top.
