Hello everybody and welcome back to the psychology of your 20s. The podcast where we talk
through some of the big life changes and transitions of our 20s and what they mean for our psychology.
Hello everybody, welcome back to the show, welcome back to the podcast. New listeners,
old listeners, wherever you are in the world, it is so great to have you here. Back for another
episode as we of course break down the psychology of our 20s. All right, we love to talk about a lot of
wellness topics on this podcast, of course, and you know, science-based tips for general holistic
betterment, which I enjoy. I think we all enjoy. But sometimes I also like to discuss some of the
quintessential, I think, 20-something experiences that we feel we need the answers to. And I'm not
just talking about like shallow surface level advice, but some serious kind of like psychological
understanding in order to move past what we're going through, the kind of, you know, situations
that keep us up at night, that keep us in a thought spiral that become the center of our world
for a while, even if it doesn't seem that important to anybody else. And today is this kind of
episode. I want to talk about an experience that I've been getting so many requests on, and that
is the experience of developing feelings for a friend. And kind of what goes through our heads,
our subconscious mind, our bodies, when we find ourselves kind of suddenly having this like
romantic tension or feeling for someone that we've only ever thought about platonically. It's
really fascinating to me when this happens, right? Because often we have our friends and we have
the people that we are romantically interested in. And it feels a bit like taboo, it feels a bit
strange for that to be like a crossover there. And there are so many instances when everything
just seems to like kind of take on a new light, right? Like you can't stop thinking about them,
you can't stop chasing after them, you start constantly talking about them and to them,
you start imagining a future together. And this is somebody who has always been firmly planted in
like the platonic category of your mind. And I think that it can be very, very strange. And we have
this kind of weird tension between suppressing our feelings and protecting the friendship kind of
suffering without unrequited love in silence. And just kind of hoping it will go away. Or
saying something and seeing if there is a potential there for a relationship. And within that,
we start to have a lot of fears and a lot of doubts and a lot of worries, right? Like what if we
ruin the friendship? What about all the other relationships or connections that exist around
this friendship? Are we going to be permanently kind of stuck in this kind of quote-unquote
friend zone? Are we going to experience rejection? There is a lot to explore today and
unsurprisingly, a lot of psychology and science to explain this experience one that feels so
personal and vulnerable and unique, but it's actually a lot more common. So let's talk about it,
we're going to talk about why it is that we fall for our friends seemingly more often than you would
think and what we can do about it. What is kind of the path forward through this maze of
feelings? So let's get into it. As I said, falling for a friend is actually not that uncommon. You can
breathe a bit of a sigh of relief if you're finding yourself in this situation knowing that you are
probably not the only one. I think it's one of those classic romantic tropes, you know, like
the meat cutes, the enemies to lovers, forbidden love, childhood sweethearts, falling in love with a
friend. A lot of people find love and find connection with those who they initially viewed quite
platonically. Even in the world of dating apps and online connections, friendship remains one of
those core ways of, I guess, discovering our partner. So back in 2021, a research team at the
University of Victoria in Australia, they actually sought to investigate this. We, well, they were
noticing that a lot of couples were having the same story like, oh, we were friends first and then,
you know, one day I just saw them differently. And when you are constantly seeing a particular trend
in something like relationship patterns or the way that relationship forms, I think it's
worth investigating. And so they talked to over 2,500 people who were married or in de facto
partnerships and they questioned them separately and then they questioned them together. And what
they found was that approximately two thirds of these couples started off as friends before they
became romantically involved. Two thirds. Now that does sound like a lot, but you have to remember
this also includes people from older generations. And it isn't just referring to the number of
people that we date, right? It's talking about the number of like who we end up with. So you could
be dating heaps of people who you meet on dating apps heaps of people who, I don't know, you met
through work or whatever, but the people who we end up together, two thirds of them, the study said,
we were initially friends with. What's even more interesting is that they looked at how long it
took for a friendship to turn romantic in these situations. And they found that the average length
of time was about 22 months. It's almost two years of people going about their days, been nice and
chummy and pals and friendly. And before kind of like something switched, something flipped in one
of their minds. So about 68% of these participants reported that their most recent relationship as well
before this relationship also began as a friendship. And this was regardless of gender, age,
education levels or ethnicity. It's showing that I think that really accounts for the people that
we date and do not marry. It's less than the two thirds, but it's still quite significant that we
are finding connection through friendship. And that rate of a friend's first initiation was even
higher amounts, 20 somethings like you and I, I'm assuming. And within LGBTQIA plus communities,
with 85% of couples in this community saying that their romance began as a friendship.
This number is surprising, but I think less so when we think about the principles of attraction
and what actually drives our romantic choices and our romantic interest in someone,
it really comes down to three factors. Proximity, similarity and reciprocity.
These are the factors that really determine the start of a friendship, but they also determine
the start of a relationship. They underline all forms of attraction. So let's break these down.
I think sometimes it feels a bit strange to like analyze something is beautiful and magical
as love through a scientific or an experimental lens, but a lot of our dating choices do come
down to our internal psychology. So in research conducted back in the late 90s, this group of scientists
kind of noticed that we are more likely to like someone and express admiration and respect for them
if we perceive that they are similar to us. So it's the age old saying that kind of like birds of
a feather flock together. And it seems scientifically quite true. If someone shares similar values to us,
similar interests, beliefs, hobbies, even educational background, the same kind of cultural family
upbringing, we are more likely to fall for them because it gives us more touch points or opportunities
for connection, gives us more conversation topics and therefore more opportunities for vulnerability
and eventually attraction. This is simply known as the similarity attraction effect. We like people
who are like us because they feel safe, they feel comfortable, they feel familiar. And there are
fewer kind of opportunities for tension, I guess, or friction or misunderstanding or having to
explain ourselves because this person is so alike or similar to us. It goes without saying that we
don't just choose our romantic partners based on similarity but also our friendships. And so the
people that we inevitably become close to in a platonic capacity therefore kind of have the
greatest opportunity to be our best kind of romantic candidates. Right? Because if the primary
principle behind attraction is similarity, who is more similar to us than the people that we
hang out with all the time? Who is someone that we already know that we like and who likes us back?
It's our friends and that's why developing feelings for a friend is not as uncommon as we think.
Now the other principle comes down to proximity, right? To put it plainly, we are more likely to
develop romantic feelings with someone we see frequently and who we are physically or geographically
close to. I know this sounds so obvious, right? We don't, it's kind of impossible to develop
true attraction to someone we never met and we've never talked to. But it's deeper than just having
the opportunity for feelings to develop through proximity. It seems that just being around someone
or being repeatedly exposed to them increases the likelihood that we will be attracted to them.
We also tend to feel safe with people that we see regularly. And so it's likely that a lot of
love kind of comes down to the mere exposure effect. So this is a concept that was introduced in
the 60s by this, I can't remember his name. Oh yeah, Dr. Robert Zajonic. Zajonic? I'll leave it in
the description. But he did a lot of work on, again, the principles of attraction and
it's kind of like quite a reductionist theory, but he basically stipulated he suggested that
anyone can fall in love with somebody else if they're around them enough. And once again,
who are we around the most? Our friends. We have a lot of opportunities to make memories with these
people. We feel very familiar with their inner workings, their dreams, their quirks, their ideals,
the long conversations that we have, the laughter, all of which are special parts of a relationship.
But they also form a bond, a bond that makes someone a great candidate for romance,
if everything else kind of goes according to plan. This is more likely to be the case when we
imagine or we feel like the other person is returning our interest. This is known as reciprocal
liking. At first, that may be in the form of friendship, right? Like, oh, I want to be friends with
somebody who genuinely shows interest in me and likes me back. But as the bond grows, because
they are giving back that energy and investment that we're giving them, sometimes our perception
can change and so does our interpretation of their actions. It's not just they want to hang out
with us because they enjoy our company. We start to apply a deeper meaning to every little moment
and decision and action. They want to hang out with us. It's not just because they're our friend,
it's because there's something else going on, right? And so reciprocity is one of those core
principles of attraction. When we are looking for a mate or someone to love, we want someone
who likes us back, obviously. And sometimes we confuse the liking as a friend, as a liking in a
romantic sense. All of this kind of creates the recipe for developing feelings for someone that
we are friends with. We know we already have admiration and respect to them. Otherwise,
they wouldn't be our friend. We know that we are similar because we are close that they are
familiar and, you know, proximal. And obviously, there is reciprocity over as the friendship
wouldn't have developed in the first place. And so, in short, we have fulfilled what a lot of
psychologists call the conditions of love just by nature of being platonically close. Now, a lot
of what we've talked about that tends to shift liking to loving really rests in personality
similarities, but we're also forgetting about one final thing. And that is physical attraction,
because that is a huge component of any romantic and intimate relationship. And I think it's one
of the main reasons why we don't just end up dating all of our friends, right? Like maybe you don't
have that kind of sexual preference. Maybe you just don't see them in that way. We can't imagine
sleeping with them. They're not our type. But what about those situations where you've had like no
kind of physical attraction for many years, you are firmly in the friends zone. You travel together,
you sleep in the same bed, nothing. And then suddenly you start seeing things differently. It
happens a lot. And I think the question that we often have is like, has this always been the case?
Have I just been suppressing my true feelings in order to protect the friendship? Maybe I thought
I didn't have a shot or it's because we just genuinely didn't experience the physical spark
that would make us romantically interested in someone until later. And what is it that changes?
Well, let me explain. Each of us has a very unique set of preferences around what we would like
physically in a partner or at least what we know we would find appealing. So a new study has suggested
that beauty attraction is very much in the eye of the beholder. About 50% of our preferences
come down to our life experiences. So even identical twins who have the same genetic blueprint,
they typically have the same family environment and upbringing. They end up, you know, sometimes
dating completely different people because it comes down to things like personal experiences,
the media we're exposed to, the people we meet, the things that we're interested in. You know,
if you're a very active person, you may like someone who's more lean. If you're obsessed with
a particular actor or boy band, you might find yourself having preferences that align with what
these people look like as silly as it sounds. And this also tends to explain my physical preferences
change over time. If it comes down to personal experiences, those things obviously, you know,
we have more of them as we get older. And so it kind of makes sense that our attraction that
is derived from personal experiences changes as those experiences accumulate. Perhaps you have had
an experience with someone else that shifts how you think about your friend, you have seen them
in a new scenario, like on a trip together or at a wedding or at their job and you just see them
completely differently or you're just like physical taste change and you haven't seen them in a while
and since that time when you saw them last day, they've started dressing differently. They've
caught their hair. Suddenly they are exactly your type. And we have this like epiphany moment of like,
oh my god, are they attractive? Am I into them? When we do reach that moment that kind of place
of realization, you're probably going to enter it from the gateway of denial, right? Especially if
that is a really valuable and important friendship to you. No one likes to admit something that makes
and vulnerable or could drastically change something about their life. It is shocking and it creates
an emotional chaos we simply don't want to deal with. So your denial of your true feelings when
it comes to your friend kind of comes from a place of self-preservation. Even if everyone around
you is claiming that they can tell you have feelings, that you have a crush, that something's changed,
admitting that to yourself and others means a, giving people information about your personal
feelings that might be quite revealing or leave you open to judgment or scrutiny and b,
it requires you to either do something or just endure this kind of possibility of unrequited love
until it passes. But if you are regularly checking up on this person on social media,
if you are finding that you can't stop thinking about them throughout the day, that you are
experiencing a lot of jealousy when they talk about the people they are dating or you're territorial
over their time, wondering why they aren't texting you back, always wanting to spend every day with
them. If you're changing your appearance when you're around them, I think that's a pretty good
sign that something is shifted there. So what are you going to do about it? I think that's what I
want to discuss next, right? Is like why can this be so difficult to manage? What are the fears that
we have to work through? And do we admit our feelings and potentially face not having them reciprocated
or ending the friendship in the process or do we just say nothing? Do we just see what happens?
So I want to talk about all of that and more after this short break.
Developing feelings for a friend is never the most welcome news. Actually, I think it's a
mixture of many emotions, right? Feelings of possibility, the anxiety, the excitement of the what if,
the general like euphoria and entertainment of having a crush, but we also find ourselves
between a bit of a rock and a hard place. What if things change and are never the same? How do we
manage our sense of longing? And our typical instinct to really imagine a future with this person
whilst ensuring that we don't get ahead of ourselves doesn't blow up in our faces. We have a very
keen sense of what we have to lose. And I think we also understand that it's going to be tricky to navigate.
So in those situations where you have become aware of a crush, I guess, you have two options.
The first option is that you can say nothing. This is the path of least resistance. If we say nothing,
we don't have to face the possibility of rejection, of loss, of the let's face it, the awkwardness
that might come with them, you know, confirming that our feelings are one sided. There are a lot of
considerations that go into managing our feelings for a friend. And it's not just about them.
It's also about of course wanting to protect like your own heart and your own self-esteem.
But also I think you really contemplate the network of relationships that you have built around
this friendship. Admitting your feelings can create tension in a friendship group because
people may start to treat us and other, you know, the other person differently because of our
obvious feelings or confession, it becomes a topic of conversation. And then if you were to say
something and they say, oh no, thanks, you might find yourself to embarrassed to be around this
larger group who kind of knows that this has happened. The possibility of this presents I think
a unique type of loss known as social loss, the pain of losing connections as a result of
some event. It can leave us feeling alienated, isolated, and worst of all, quite lonely.
As a species, we don't have a particularly good relationship with loneliness. We tend to
villainize it. And therefore we seek any alternative, even if it means avoiding our true feelings.
And you know, engaging in some good old fashioned suppression. But if there is, I think one thing
that psychology tells us about suppressing intense feelings or emotions, it's that they find a
way to come out, whether that's through resentment towards your friend for not knowing about your feelings,
frustration, poor concentration, needing to constantly seek advice and reassurance. I firmly
believe that with most things like this, there will come a time when you will need an answer
to bring you some peace. You'll need to know whether there is a possibility of this being a thing.
And I'm speaking from experience here, I remember having the biggest all-consuming crush on
someone in my first year of university who was a good friend. And we were very enmeshed in this
friend group together. And I'd formed a, it was really my lifeline at the time. This friend group
was kind of the first big group of friends I had in, you know, my first early months of moving out
of home. They were really important. And I spent basically the whole year pining after this person,
having these small moments that felt enormous at the time, constantly wanting more and not knowing
where we stood. And till I just had to come out and say and get some answers, even though I kind of
knew deep down that, you know, they weren't going to be the answers that I wanted. I think it was
important. And it was really strange for a while. I'm not going to sugarcoat it, right? Like,
I remember a lot of those friends who I was previously friends with because of this person
went on like a trip together. And I always felt that maybe if I hadn't made it awkward for people,
I would have been invited. Or that they were kind of forced to make a choice between the person
who was really deep in their emotions and really struggling. And the person who was like the happy
one, right? And who wasn't going to cause drama. And as someone who lived through that, got through
that, it ends up totally okay. It always works itself out. And I'm really glad that I said something.
I'm really glad that even though intuitively I knew that he wasn't going to date me, that we weren't
going to have a future together, it was better than spending even more months, maybe even years,
stuck in like fantasy and wishful thinking and kind of projecting this big fairy tale I had of
him onto the version of him that didn't really exist, right? Like I was only seeing the potential.
And I think whilst it remained ambiguous, I could still indulge in the possibility of the what if.
But the what if wasn't getting me anywhere, wasn't doing me any favors, it wasn't allowing me to
move on. It certainly wasn't making me a good friend. And it was kind of a relief to hear and be like
no. And then we moved forward. So saying nothing is one option. Let me present you with the obvious
alternative one that I just talked about. I'm sure you've all considered you can muster up the
courage to sit this person down and say, Hey, things have changed for me. Have they changed for you?
And you can see what they come back with a few caveats here. Don't do this. Are there in a
relationship with someone else or fresh out of a relationship? I think that is just like a sign of
disrespect to your friend and it's not going to end well. I don't know why I felt the need to say
that. But in case it wasn't obvious, you still need to respect like have some level of decency and
not just prioritize your own feelings. But besides that, I think being honest about your emotions
and being vulnerable, it's not going to destroy you. It's actually probably going to bring you
a lot of clarity and make you stronger. The best possible scenario is that they will reciprocate
everything you're telling them. They will confess their love. They're down for exploring what
this could be. And it grows great. You know, happily ever after baby's marriage, all the good things
you're part of that two thirds of people who end up with a friend. And I think it's almost like a
new chapter, right? You already know each other as friends, but then you have to get to know each
other as romantic partners. And that may take some time adjusting because it is a whole new level
of intimacy. So obviously a lot of honest conversations about your feelings and intentions.
Hopefully you're on the same page. I think even this can be scary, even getting like the yes
can be scary because what if it doesn't work out and you've lost both a good friend
and a love interest and a partner. That is a particular kind of loss in there. I think that's
a two in one breakup, which would just be so difficult. It might also not be completely
smooth sailing, right? Like you might sleep together once, be like, I don't know if that's working out.
Have a bit more of a back and forth. You know you both had feelings together. That is a whole
different situation that I think is so nuanced and difficult because then it's kind of like you
have an answer. You know that this person likes you, you like them back, but maybe you're just not
meant to work out. Like maybe you're just not meant to be together. And that is the conclusion
that you needed to know. At least you gave it a try. Like at least you
you're not left with the hypothetical. You're not left with the what if. The other scenario is that
we are put in the friend zone. Now the friend zone I think is more of a pop culture reference than
a scientific term, but it does help to explain what occurs here in which someone is communicating
that they explicitly see you in the category of friend rather than partner. The friend zone is
an interesting concept because it's a lot more common in cross gender friendships between men
and women. And according to some psychologist, the term is used a lot more by men when they have
been rejected by a woman who showed no romantic interest in them. In this way, I think it's a bit
controversial because a lot of feminist writers and thinkers tend to think of it as like a concept
to soothe male feelings of rejection. And it is kind of associated with this idea that men see
friendship with women as offering some kind of sexual reward if they are nice enough to them.
But when we take away that gender lens, I think the friend zone is really just an assertion of
personal boundaries around where people see the relationship kind of existing in the grand scheme
and spectrum of relationships. When we confess our feelings, this is often this is an area that
we don't want. I think it's the fear of rejection that is particularly scary in this situation.
Rejection is painful on a social level but also on a physical or neurological level. The experience
of being shut down or pushed away elicits the same kind of reactions we have in response to
a physically painful stimuli like a beasting or grazing our knee or breaking a bone. That's
because it ignites the same areas of our brains that are responsible for interpreting and processing
physical pain. We want to avoid that pain. So when it occurs, when you've been brave, you've put
yourself out there and you've been met with a less than ideal answer, the first thing you are going
to be feeling is regret. Maybe embarrassment and then probably most likely fear that we've said
things we can't take back that are going to permeate and perhaps alter the friendship forever.
So that's the risk we take in these situations. I think when someone doesn't reciprocate our feelings,
it's essentially now an experience of unrequited love. The emotions, the romantic intimacy that
only goes one way. That's particularly hard, I think, because feelings of love are obviously
meant to be shared and it's sort of a cave to grieve your idea of what this person could have been
and what you wanted them to be. It doesn't mean that they don't still like you in a friendship
capacity. Maybe you do need to take some distance for yourself as you heal. That would be my biggest
piece of advice is to take a few weeks apart so you can think of a way forward. Even if you can stay
friends, I think it's still important to have a bit of a cooling down period for yourself
to actually think about it and to think about how difficult these unrequited emotions might be
and how you're going to manage. I think most of the time we have this impulse to kind of keep
face and pretend it doesn't bother us and just like hope everything goes back to the way it was
by forcing the same kind of reactions and interactions that we used to have. I would advise against this
because feelings don't disappear the moment they aren't reciprocated. They stay with us and we
often have a lot of expectations that maybe this person might eventually change their mind. You have
to trust that this person knows what they want and knows what's right for them. Even if it's
painful for you, try not to get stuck in the mental loop of questioning their decision, questioning
their answer. Is it because I'm not their type? What's wrong with me physically? Am I not good enough?
It's definitely a natural line of thinking we like to overly examine our perceived failures
to prevent them from occurring again or to try and come up with some cure or a solution,
but often it just gets us stuck in a pretty deep mental hole. One that is filled with a lot of
self-doubt, a lot of insecurity. Just because this person didn't pick you doesn't mean that no one will,
but it can be really hard to see that when we're shouldersing a lot of deep pain. This is why again,
I recommend giving yourself some space. Let yourself feel disappointed. Let yourself mourn for a little
bit and then start to think about your future as friends and whether that relationship can be
maintained. I think that it's important to try to focus on the friendship that is at the heart
of this experience. You like them for a reason because they are a good person, but are you going
to be satisfied with not having everything, with just having the part that is platonic?
That is a question that I think you have to answer for yourself, but while you're thinking
it through, I want to give you five tips for dealing with the situation from beginning to end.
I think when you first notice that you've developed feelings for a friend, stop and pause.
Do you actually like this person or are they just the only person around? This is sometimes a very
real possibility as the proximity principle tells us. Sometimes all attraction takes is physical
closeness to set up a whole chain of reactions. So pause and consider whether this person would actually
make you happy in the long term, whether you are stretching your imagination a little bit too much
or whether you are just seeing potential when there isn't anything actually there. Dating in our
20th is really hard. First date suck blind dates are even worst. The constant small talk rejection,
the heartbreak, it can feel like a lot. And so sometimes when we've been through a lot of that,
we see comfort in the things that we know, which is this friend that we know will never harm us.
But it doesn't necessarily mean that just because you're good friends that a relationship with
them would work out that they are the right person for you. So I would say honestly look at this
person's personality, look at their character, look at their behavior. Are they really as wonderful
as you think they are? Do you think that your life would be perfect with this person or is there maybe
someone else out there? And that's my second point. Give yourself some space to date elsewhere.
Don't date looking for distraction but to look for possibility. Sometimes we become,
you know, become very obsessive when we have one person in mind and we have decided that they are
the one. And maybe I sound pessimistic but I think that we have more than just one person out there
who is compatible with us, who would make us happy. So don't limit yourself before you know how
they feel. Don't close yourself often to like this space of compulsion and obsession towards this
person. Keep the doors open. Keep your mind open to the possibility of someone else.
And don't wait for them to act or to ask you how you're feeling. Be an active player here.
Get yourself some answers so that you can move forward in whatever the direction
this relationship is going to take. You have to be brave to go after what you want in life in any
capacity. And the answer is always going to be no unless you ask. In which case, yeah, you know,
it might still be a no but how can you really confirm that if you never say anything, if you never
speak up. I think that speaking your truth is one of the greatest gifts that you can give yourself.
If it doesn't give you a relationship, at least it will give you answers. For those times when
things haven't gone the way that you want them to, I cannot stress this enough treat it like a
breakup or like any other kind of romantic loss or rejection. When we shame ourselves out of
big emotions, what we are enduring is called disenfranchised grief. And that is a kind of loss
that is not openly acknowledged and accepted. Despite it still being painful for the person
experiencing it, in this case, you remember it's okay to miss them. It's okay to be sad about
the possibility that you saw and the future that you imagined. But it doesn't mean that they are the
one. It's just the result of a bond, of attachment, of our memory flare ups. You know, our brains are
weirdly wired to bring up old memories and information when it's not useful. So it doesn't mean that
you've like missed out, right? Just because you're thinking about this person, just because they're
in their brain is no there's no deeper meaning in that. There's no deeper fate that you've missed out
on. I think it's just our natural reaction to not just rejection, but also to a disruption in
our attachment. Wanting to reach out doesn't make you weak. Morning something that never was,
doesn't make you crazy. I hate that word. You are just a human with a lot of big emotions. You are so
sensitive and you have a lot of love to give. And I think that capacity to love others is
very rare and very beautiful and should be celebrated, especially during a time where I think everyone
really wants to play games and keep things close to their chest. It's honestly so radical to be so
open with your love and your feelings for others. And I always think it's the people who are told
they love too much, who give too much to others, who struggle the most in dating, but they are the
ones who experience the deepest and most gorgeous, delicate human emotions and feelings and passion
when they find the right person. This person is not the right person. They are not the one even
though you have this attachment to them, even though you have this connection. But when you do
find this person who is for you, think about how amazing it's going to feel. And this current
experience what you're going through is just a chapter in your story. It's something to perhaps
one day laugh about and you'll soon really realize that it's part of the journey that gets you
to where you need to be going. So in that space between now and then do things you know will help
you heal. Give yourself space to focus on your own self growth, getting really deep into your
goals, your hobbies, anything to get you thinking about something other than this person.
Consciously shift your thoughts from returning again and again to your friend and what could have
been to what your life will be if you take all of that energy and you spend it on yourself.
I just want to say I am sending a whole lot of love. Personally I know it's really difficult. I
know that you get really, really wrapped up in what could be and what is. And it feels like you're
never going to get over this person. It feels like this is going to destroy you. I've lived through
it. It doesn't. It gets better. You will recover from this. It will just be part of this great story
that is expanding out in front of you. And maybe it does work out in which case that's fantastic.
You will join this huge group of people who do meet you know the loves of their lives
as friends. And I think that's just like a wonderful part of human connection and
human relationships is that we have the capacity to really form these really meaningful relationships
both platonically and romantically just because something isn't romantic. It doesn't mean that it's
not platonically valuable. That's something I also want you to remember. So again lots of love,
lots of healing, lots of strength. You will do what is best for you. And I'm hoping that you get
the outcome that you deserve. And if not you have the everything that you need to move on and
to move forward. So thank you so much for listening to this episode. If you enjoyed it please
feel free to leave a five star review on Apple podcasts, Spotify. Where are you listening right now?
Make sure you're following along for when new episodes come out. There's some pretty good ones
coming out soon. Some special guest episodes. And if you have a episode suggestion, if you want to
tell me a story about you know the person that you're fallen in love with who might be a friend,
maybe a situation where this has worked out, please send me a DM at that psychology podcast. I
would love to hear from you. And as always stay kind and be gentle to yourselves until next time.
