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Hello, dear Headspace community, it's Robin here.
And today I am joined by Eve and Headspace Therapist Ryan.
And we have some questions from listeners that we'll be answering, like, what to do when you're stuck in survival mode at work and how to be consistent with an exercise routine.
And we also have a lovely mindful moment about remembering to live in the present.
So I say let's get right to it.
Have you ever wished you had a wise meditation teacher on speed dial?
or a therapist you can call after a long day or a mental health coach you can lean on for advice.
Someone to help you see things differently.
Welcome to Dear Headspace, a podcast where I sit down with headspace experts and we answer your questions.
Hi, Eve. Hi, Ryan. Happy New Year.
Oh, Happy New Year.
Happy New Year. We made it.
We did. So this is one of those things where I have to ask you both, is two weeks too far past New Year's Eve to say Happy New Year's?
Because if it is, it's officially my last one.
No. Not at all. This is still the grace period for people figuring out their New Year's resolutions.
So it's still Happy New Year until we've really gotten to a groove as far as I'm concerned.
Yeah. I think Happy New Year is legitimately fine throughout January.
Okay. All right. Yeah.
Because it might be, this is the first time we're seeing each other in the New Year.
I'm going to push it all the way into February.
I don't care. Well, I think so.
Yeah. July. Happy New Year.
All right, friends, let's get to our callers.
Here is Lisette. Hi, dear Headspace.
My name is Lisette from California.
And I just want to start off by saying thank you so much for this show.
I have listened to the entire back catalog for, I want to say, the last 10 months, and it has been extremely helpful for me.
For my question, I wanted to ask what I can do to get out of survival mode specifically, in my career.
For context, I recently got a very prestigious job in academia.
After getting my dad while I was in my doctorate school and also now in my work, I have experienced my career in survival mode.
Even though I have objectively achieved a lot in my career, especially considering that I have had to overcome a lot of adversity, I still find myself feeling like I am just getting by.
And that feeling is just very overwhelming.
I think that this feeling comes from my fear of failure, some imposter syndrome, and generally not giving myself a lot of grace.
And so my question is, how can I work on those things so that I can enjoy and thrive in my career, as opposed to feeling like I'm surviving every day of it?
And then just for some more information, I have been the therapy.
And I would like to get back into that soon.
And with regards to my meditation practice, I meditate about semi consistently.
So that's my question.
Thank you so much. Oh, Lisette, thank you so much for being like such a consistent and huge part of our community.
And you could tell she was telling the truth because she was giving us the whole backstory so we could answer the question properly.
I love that. Yes. So thorough.
I appreciate it. And I think this is such a good question because, you know, I mean, who doesn't suffer from imposter syndrome and who doesn't feel like they're running a thousand miles an hour and maybe perhaps falling underwater?
I mean, I'm asking for a friend.
Hypothetically speaking, of course.
You know, just trying to be relatable.
I don't feel any of those things, no.
Yeah, but in all seriousness, you know, thank you for this question.
And first of all, congratulations on your job.
That sounds like you've worked really, really hard.
And I think just going to touch on the imposter syndrome first is, and this idea of fear of failure, just to remind you that you got this job for a reason.
You were selected from a wide range of applicants and they chose you.
And of course, that can take some getting used to, wow, they actually think I can do this.
And the answer is yes, you can do this.
But to validate your feelings, though, it's very normal to experience that feeling of, I'm not good enough.
Will I be good enough?
Can I do this? And naturally, when you take on any new role, you're in a period of deep learning.
And that isn't always it's very comfortable.
So you actually use the term, give myself some grace.
And I think that is something that if you can start to lean into that and realize that some days potentially will feel a little bit uncomfortable as you're getting to grips with the new role, giving yourself that grace.
And most importantly, can you pause in the day and just take note of some of your achievements, achievement even just a small achievement something that you were able to do you know with your new team for example yeah rather than thinking about this as this full picture can use or break it down and think
well actually I got here by a lot a lot of hard work and commitment yeah this is amazing how quickly we forget like that we can do this thing yeah your thoughts Ryan yeah I'd love to build off of what Eve was saying about noticing the achievements and noticing the skills that Lisette that you have because I'm
going to go a little bit metaphorical here today but when I hear survival mode I picture someone who's just literally survived a disaster right let's say you're on a deserted island we'll just come up with something crazy right you don't have the sort of space nor is it wise to think about wow you know
this deserted island is actually really beautiful and it's so nice to to be here actually I just want to dip my feet in the water today.
There's no psychological safety to even have the awareness of those things.
The awareness of the skills that you're building to survive on the island.
So if you want to get out of survival mode, we have to be able to see the things in ourselves that are beyond survival now.
I'm not just trying to get a good grade, talking about academia.
That was certainly a struggle for me at times if we're always being evaluated on, well, what was the last exam?
Well, then the only metric of success or not is, did I get that 100?
Did I get that A? Or am I failing?
Am I struggling? Am I in danger?
Which is what academia can often make you feel like.
So you want to be able to notice, how do I know if I'm thriving?
How do I know if I'm doing my job well?
Because presumably, if you've been given this job, you earned it, and you also have the opportunity and the psychological safety to say, oh, well, I want to notice the skills that I have that I was chosen for this position for.
I want to notice when I'm connecting with my coworkers.
I want to notice when I'm contributing positively.
And when you give yourself permission to notice these things, you're telling your brain, we're not just surviving right now.
It is okay to slow down.
It is okay to notice when things are going well and to lean into that.
that's so interesting I that's funny because like as a freelancer I am always being offered jobs and when I offer the jobs I'm always like do I know how to do that and it's like in the doing that I'm like oh of course I know how to do that and it's like I have to have a talk with myself and like you
did this you did this you did this because it is crazy like it's almost like an amnesia of skills and talent that will creep up and then it's gone but it's in the doing for me that helps solve it so it's like I wonder if maybe there's something for Lizette in like a writing down accomplishments like
and like i used to do a one sheet anytime i would ask for a raise of like what i was hired to do what i currently do and all of the things that i offer and just in the writing that down made me be like yeah well yeah i'm pretty good at what i do yeah it's amazing how much we need to remind ourselves
of what we're capable of because our default is to go to one of slight negativity.
I won't be able to do this.
I can't do this. Somebody else will be better than me.
And so I think that self -compassion here is just really, really important.
You know, reminding yourself that you got here through a lot of hard work and really, really pat yourself on the back for that.
I think the other thing that's coming up for me with this with this question, Lizette, is clearly you're very passionate about the work that you do and the space that you're in.
And that is just wonderful.
It sounds like it gives you a lot of meaning and purpose, which is really important in our life.
I think something else that's really important is, is there time and space in your day for the things that make you smile?
And I'm not saying your work doesn't make you smile, but right now it sounds like it's all quite overwhelming.
And so are there things outside of work that bring you joy, a sense of contentment, happiness?
Are you getting to do things that nourish you?
That could be spending time with friends, family, out in nature, hobbies.
Because it's really important that we have a balance of both.
I think those things in our life, our careers that we're very passionate about is really important, but there can be this feeling that I need to get to the next phase.
Once I get to the next phase or the next job or the next project or the next professional qualification, then I'll have done it.
And so I think being aware of that, can you actually be present for this journey right now instead of always thinking ahead to the destination?
And that's really where your mindfulness meditation practice can really support you in reminding you to come back and be present and perhaps asking yourself some questions like, what are the things in my life that bring me joy?
or what are the things in my life that I really appreciate?
Just so that you have that balance of both the meaning and purpose, but also that it's all quite overwhelming.
And so are there things outside of work that bring you joy, a sense of contentment, happiness?
Are you getting to do things that nourish you?
That could be spending time with friends, family, out in nature, hobbies, because it's really important that we have a balance of both.
I think those things in our life, our careers that we're very passionate about is really important, but there can be this feeling of I need to get to the next phase.
Once I get to the next phase or the next job or the next project or the next professional qualification, then I'll have done it.
And so I think being aware of that.
Can you actually be present for this journey right now instead of always thinking ahead to the destination?
And that's really where your mindfulness meditation practice can really support you in reminding you to come back and be present and perhaps asking yourself some questions like, what are the things in my life that bring me joy?
Or what are the things in my life that I really appreciate.
Just so that you have that balance of both the meaning and purpose, but also that sense of, of contentment, fulfillment, happiness is really, really important.
Yeah. I call it moving the goalposts.
Like it's like, it's never, you just never can win when you, when you keep doing that.
And academia does that to us, right?
One more semester, one more test, one more project, one more year.
How many years of college do I have left?
You know, then there's grad school.
Like, it just kind of keeps you in that mindset of I'm not settled yet.
Yeah. I just was sitting here thinking like, I think I might also be doing that as a parent.
But that's another podcast.
That's right. But I want to say thank you so much, Lissette, for being a part of the community, for being a listener and good luck with everything.
You're going to do great.
Keep us posted. Yeah.
Just very quickly, Lissette, there is a little exercise on the Headspace app.
literally called Give Yourself Some Grace.
So I definitely, it's very short, it's about eight minutes, seven minutes.
Definitely check that out.
Oh, I love that. I love that.
Okay, thank you, Lisette.
All right, let's take our next caller.
Dear Headspace, my name is Yeshua and I could really use help finding time and motivation to get back into my yoga routine.
I usually practice yoga four to six days a week, But since about two years ago, it's been less of a priority and I've been doing it two to three times a month.
When I'm not doing yoga, I like boxing, rock climbing, hiking, swimming, skateboarding, running track and field and just doing so much more.
So I really think this should be more important to me, though recently it hasn't been and I'm not really sure why.
I do notice that I make more excuses when I do it at night, especially coming home after being active and after work and just sitting on my video games and devices telling myself, OK, I'll do it after this episode or I'll do it after this game.
But after that episode or game comes another one.
And then when I check the time, it's already time for bed and there's just no time to practice anymore.
So I really could use your help finding time and motivation to get back into it.
Thank you. Well, thank you for your question, Yashua.
That is, I mean, I was looking at even Ryan's faces, and I was looking to see if they saw, like, if they made the same face I did when I heard how much he said should, but should be doing, should be doing good.
Because I also, like, tracked, like, he has a very full life and a lot of interests, like, my first instinct, And I want you to to to tell me if I'm wrong is just like maybe it's not your priority right now.
Like maybe you're doing other things that are giving you life and love and excitement.
But I want to hear what you as experts actually think.
Yes, Robin, absolutely.
The should statements, because when Yeshua, when you identified all those other activities that you love to do boxing, rock climbing, swimming, hiking, skateboarding.
And then you said this should be more important to me.
when i heard that i said oh i i wonder when you reflect on when you stopped doing yoga as much what filled in that gap what did you start doing and maybe some of these activities have started to fill that gap for you and that you're already actually as fulfilled as you need to be now i want to respect
the question though here as well um even robin because you know yeshua is asking how can I be more motivated?
When I hear someone experiences motivation at night, that to me doesn't feel like motivation.
And it feels like I wish I had.
It feels like I wish I had done this when I thought I should.
I wish I had done it this morning when I woke up.
Also, when you're more focused.
I mean, it's like once you're in the scrolly scroll, I feel like you're not doing anything at that point.
To me, nighttime motivation is like, is regret more than it is motivation.
And that's not to say that you're not motivated at that time.
It's just we want to take that nighttime motivation.
And instead of having it be a criticism or a judgment of yourself, we say, OK, right now in this moment, I'm feeling motivated to do yoga, but it's 10 o 'clock at night and I've just been relaxing and maybe I'm tired.
So I'm going to take this motivation that I have right now.
I'm going to set the intention for the morning and I'm going to put my mat out, get my clothes ready, cue up the guided headspace yoga meditation I'm going to use.
And then I'm going to do my yoga.
Because if in that moment, all we feel is regret and pain and frustration with ourselves, that's demotivating, right?
That is saying there's something wrong with me.
Why didn't I do this today?
On top of the judgment that it sounds, Yeshua, like you're putting yourself for being in the YouTube hole or the social media hole.
So that's really self -punishing.
And we want you to be able to feel that feeling of, I want to do yoga, but also the self -compassion of, I don't want to do yoga right now.
I just wish I had done it earlier.
So to correct for that, I'm going to set this positive intention to do it when I want to and maybe when it's more convenient for me.
So I don't know what you guys think about that.
Well, I love that. it's like you didn't even just say setting a positive attention you were also like behaviors that follow that of like laying out the clothes getting Eve queued up and like all that like that's fantastic what are your thoughts Eve?
yeah yeah and I completely agree with all of that the amount of shoulds and it starts it was starting to sound like this was a chore and not enjoyable like oh I didn't do it yet again can be the most demotivating factor when we're trying to to get started with something again i think something that i
am sensing is are you trying to do too much um you clearly have a very active life which is brilliant and amazing and i'm so inspired by how many things you do please give me some tips but it does sound like a lot yeah and so um no wonder you perhaps are tired and i think at getting to the end of the day
and wanting to relax and unwind watching something or playing a video game that's okay too don't give yourself a hard time about that you clearly get some enjoyment from it but also thinking about your day there's 24 hours in the day some of which I really hope you're sleeping.
But if this is really important to you and you really take some time to really reflect on what is it I really enjoy about doing?
I had a thought when you were talking about asking Yahshua to reflect was I had a thought about like reflecting on why to you is yoga better than those other things?
Is there a judgment that's being placed on it That's like, this is the thing that will be that's better for me or will be more healthy.
And I'm doing the right thing because like I love tennis, but like boxing, any of those other things that he listed, like can be things that bring you into the present as well.
And so why is one better than the other?
Is it just that you miss it?
Is it that you really want to do it?
And that's a different answer than what I you know, I'm just curious what he's making it mean.
And it may be just the answer, I love it and it's my passion.
So then just get off your own back and give yourself some space to to do it as, as, you know, these two smarties said in a much more eloquent way.
But, yeah, that feeling of this should be more important to me.
You know, we obviously we talk about challenging those should statements.
And in this example, reframing that to I want to put more emphasis on this.
I want to prioritize this.
And Eve, you were sort of suggesting this.
It's like, okay, well, if I want to prioritize something, naturally, that is going to take some priority away from something else.
We don't have infinite time and resources.
So there needs to be some consideration for, okay, if I want to make time for this, I'm losing something else.
And it's not a pure loss.
It's I'm prioritizing this because I care about it, because this is something that's important to me.
Yeah. One other thought is, is there a buddy, a friend that you could perhaps do your practice with?
I don't know if you go to a studio.
It sounds like you might be doing it at home if you're doing it straight after you wake up.
But that might get you back in the saddle, so to speak, if you maybe go to a couple of classes with a friend.
And so therefore, you have a little bit of accountability and you're there in a in a community in a space.
And that might help re -energize your practice.
Or by a value pack type thing, if you have the resources to do it.
Yeah, exactly. Or a class pass thing.
Yeah, I love a self -imposed deadline.
That always helps me, you know, do things and complete things.
So I applaud that idea.
Yeah. And then celebrate the first time you get you do your yoga practice again.
Celebrate that. Yeah.
Yeah. I only did it once.
Be like, no, I did it.
Yeah. I got back to it.
Yeah. I made it. I made a difference today.
Yeah, exactly. Well, good luck with your practice, Yashwa.
We're here. We're supporting you.
We're sending vibes of whatever, you know, consistency shows up for you.
Yeah. And also rest as well.
Have a little fun, perhaps.
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Okay, so we have time for we do something special today.
Instead of a question, we're going to take a mindful moment from one of our listeners.
Here's Gwen. Take a listen.
Dear Headspace, this is Gwen, and I'm from North Carolina, USA, and I wanted to just share with you a moment of clarity that I was able to have yesterday.
Thanks to actually all your teachings, yesterday I was having a really bad, horrible, no good day, and as I was sitting in my room commiserating and feeling unloved, unlistened to, unrespected.
interested um my window you know was open and these two wrens fly in to help themselves to this bin of mealworms that i have right next to the window and the mail is just twittering and they're doing their thing and in that moment watching them i thought well why don't i just help myself to life to
what I want so I decided that today I would treat myself to a special lunch so I walked over to a sushi place not far from work tried their tiramisu latte for the first time got me a really delicious poke bowl and as I was sitting outside enjoying my lunch there was a bush of lavender right next to
me and so I stole the sprig and as I was walking back to work I was you know I really had a good time smelling the sprig of lavender and my day was just just so different from yesterday I felt so much relief and I thought I would share this with you and maybe you could share it with your listeners if anybody's
having a bad day just know that That day will pass.
Those problems and troubles will also pass.
And then treat yourself to something nice.
I hope you guys have a great day.
Thank you for all you do.
I'm a bit teary. Gwen, that was so absolutely lovely, wasn't that?
Like I was just, I'm so, just she put into words so eloquently that feeling of going from something bad and then making a choice to be like, you know what, I'm going to do something for myself.
And I was just like, I could see Gwen getting her poke bowl, like I could just see it all.
Like that was so lovely.
Yeah, gosh. I'm like, honestly, I teared up a little bit just because she said right at the end, just want to remind everyone if you're having a bad day, know that it won't last forever.
and gosh do we need to remind ourselves of that sometimes when you're in it it can feel will pass those problems and troubles will also pass and then treat yourself to something nice i hope you guys have a great day thank you for all you do i'm a bit teary that was so my goodness absolutely lovely wasn't
that like it was just i'm so just she put into words so eloquently that feeling of going from something bad and then making a choice to be like you know what i'm gonna do something for myself and i was just like Like I could see Gwen getting her poke bowl.
Like I could just see it all.
Like that was so lovely.
Yeah, gosh. Like honestly, I teared up a little bit just because she said right at the end, just want to remind everyone if you're having a bad day, know that it won't last forever.
And gosh, do we need to remind ourselves of that.
Sometimes when you're in it, it can feel like your world is a lot smaller.
There isn't a way to solve a problem, to get out of conflict, the stress we're experiencing, and it can feel all -consuming.
And then just to see the difference in making that choice.
And look, sometimes that choice is really hard to make because you have to take some action and you have to consciously put yourself out there again.
But that's just so lovely.
It is. I'm just wondering, it makes me think, what are the things, and I'm actually asking you guys this, what are the things that you do that you know, because I'm thinking of that moment in between the bad day and the making a choice to do something nice for yourself that ultimately is what takes
you out of the bad day.
What are things that you all know to put in place that help you with that?
So the thing I loved about this story was the very beginning of it, which was my window was open.
So it's this, I'm open to an experience.
I'm open to seeing.
I'm open to noticing.
I'm open to learning.
I'm open to hearing.
And that openness, whether it's literally an open window or just your open attention to noticing the world around you, noticing opportunity, you know, we talked about it in the first question today.
Can we notice opportunity for good?
Can we notice opportunity for skills?
Can we notice opportunity to treat ourselves?
Oh, my gosh. You know, the amount of times I work with people in therapy who would hear that question and say, well, that would feel selfish for me.
That would feel like I'm taking something for me that I shouldn't.
Gwen, you didn't see that bird and think, well, that's a selfish wren.
I can't believe it just hopped in and helped itself.
No, you observed the bird and we said, oh my gosh, well, I can do that.
I'm not offended. The bird's not hurting anyone.
The thing is there for the bird.
So there are things that are there for me and I can treat myself similarly.
and in learning that lesson, absorbing it for myself and being able to give myself that gift.
It's just so much value in noticing and being open that can give us a different experience than we're used to.
And Ryan, take your therapist head off and tell me how you do that for yourself.
Oh, I'm sorry. You did ask me that.
I'm sorry, I was just so excited.
I know, you got so excited.
And I was like, I was like, Ryan, use I words.
I get to be the therapist.
Thank you. you know, thank you for bringing me back on track, Robin.
How I do that for myself, so some of you might know I practice improv.
Improv is where I get to be in a group of friends and turn off all my inner dialogue, and inner dialogue gets to be outer dialogue.
I get to be whatever instincts and thoughts and ideas and feelings come from inside me are accepted and validated and good, and sometimes even funny.
And that's where I get to notice opportunities to connect and just kind of release into the world in a way that's exciting and free.
And this is for me.
I don't care if it's funny for you or not.
I just get to live in a way that is so freeing that is just an experience like no other for me.
So that's a big example.
I love that. We need to see some of that.
I know. I know. Okay.
You've put it out there now.
For me, I need activity.
So I need to be mindfully sort of distracted.
And so I messaged a friend last weekend because I'd had a difficult weekend and we had the Monday off and I was, we hadn't made any plans.
And I said, I really just need to get out in nature.
Can we go for a nice long hike?
Thankfully, she was free.
And it was just the remedy I needed.
A little bit like Gwen, I needed to have some stimulus, have my mind quite literally taken off what I was going through.
We were out in nature.
There were trees, there were birds.
It was a beautiful day.
I could really feel my feet, you know, grounded on the earth, having fun conversation with my friend.
And I actually said to her, you know what, I don't want to talk about what's going on.
Let's just focus on some things that we recounted funny stories.
She just moved. So I was asking her lots of questions about that.
And that was really the shift that I needed energetically as well.
I needed to be outside.
I needed to be moving.
So that's one way that I know is pretty effective for me.
Yeah. I do. It's good, I think, to know yourself and what works.
I love a walk and I love to talk to friends.
But I also know that sometimes if maybe I'm in a place, talking to friends might make me, to your point, Eve, make me jump in deeper into it.
And then it can just be like a bitch fest and I don't necessarily want that.
And so sometimes just something as simple as a walk.
But I also love a movie.
Like I love I love being taken away and just reminded that other things are possible.
Yeah. And I actually that evening then watched Bridesmaids.
Bridesmaids is a cure for almost anything.
Good giggle. And it works.
It just did the trick.
Just a practice also that when I'm just coming back to being in a moment where you're feeling the feels, you're feeling low, anxious, whatever it is, worried, sad.
And there's this common humanity practice, part of a self -compassion practice, which is in those moments, maybe just saying to yourself, just like me, other people feel upset, angry, unloved, whatever it is you're feeling.
Just like me, other people will feel happy and excited and those more joyous feelings.
And so that can just help to remind you that you're not alone.
Like I said, it's not always, you don't always need to revert to a practice in the moment, but that sometimes helps me to walk out of difficult emotions, just reminding myself that I'm not alone.
Yeah. Well, thank you, Gwen, for sharing your moment with us and with everyone.
I think I feel like the openness that Ryan talked about and the activeness that Eve talked about, that it's just like, I think we can all get there to have those moments.
And I loved everything that you said, Gwen.
So thank you so much.
Wow, you two. I mean, just another fabulous episode.
And I absolutely love that we wrapped on a mindful moment today.
It just it gives me that nice nudge for how I'm going to approach the rest of the day 100 i i'm so grateful for gwen sharing that thank you and there's there's a few exercises mindfulness exercises that i'd love love to share the first one is i mentioned before give yourself some great hi to everybody
and all of the questions that have have come through or and in gwen's case her reflection another one is finding time for joy meditation.
It's just a single meditation.
It's a really great way to invite some playfulness, that sense of joy into your day, into your life.
And then the final one is an exercise called motivation boost, almost like it was made specifically for Joshua's question.
But I definitely recommend checking that out.
Excellent. Incredible resources.
And for anyone who's listening, if meditation, maybe it just isn't quite enough for what you're going through.
Headspace also provides mental health coaching directly in the app.
And if you sign up, you will be connected with a dedicated coach for personalized support.
I mean, do we know anybody like that, Ryan?
Is there anyone? I know I do.
I think in all seriousness, people like me, our therapists, and our coaches here at Headspace, we provide live one -on -one care and support from anywhere, anytime.
Well, I just say it's fantastic to have someone like you, Ryan, to help set personal goals and achieve them or get support that anyone might need.
Okay, now I want to thank our callers today for reaching out.
Thanks, Lizette, Yashua, and Gwen.
And if you would like to ask Dear Headspace a question, go to sayhi .chat slash Dear Headspace and follow the prompts to record.
The link is in the show notes.
And if we use your question on Dear Headspace, you're going to get three months of Headspace for free.
Yes, keep those great questions flowing.
And before we say goodbye, we just want to offer you a brief moment to breathe.
We know that transitioning from one task to the next can feel rushed sometimes, so we've added a little space for reflection.
Here are the gentle sounds of twinkling shells.
As you listen, let your mind do whatever it wants to do.
Until next time, stay happy, stay healthy, and be kind to each other.
Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you. Thank you.
