Are we rolling?
I could tell if Frank was coming because you were like... Why did you want me on this show?
Nobody cares about what I have to say.
Well because I'm a fan of your show.
Really?
So you didn't know this was a date?
Oh see I just I stopped reading the email at chicken shop.
Why did you want to come on this show?
I'm celibate.
What?
I'm celibate.
For how long?
Few weeks.
By choice?
Not by choice.
I love these pranks.
This is like Gen 1.
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
Can I ask you a question?
No.
Hey.
You have ice.
There's no ice.
Europe doesn't have ice.
Your crew's so quiet it feels like a cult a little bit too.
It's fucking bizarrely quiet.
No eye contact on the way into it.
Are you a monster to your crew?
That's what I read on Reddit.
No.
Yeah.
The toxic environment that you've set up on this set.
Stop spreading these rumors.
I won't be silenced.
Are you friends with Peter?
I'm not changing the subject.
I'm cancelling you.
I'm an Aquarius.
You're an Aries.
I am sick.
Would you say that you are a romantic person?
Clearly.
So what kind of stuff do you do then that's romantic?
Finger bang, shocker.
Stop.
Yeah.
I'm an Aries.
Fire sign.
People feel like there's quite a fiery energy between us.
It's palpable.
No, don't get me.
Are you about to blast me?
Good job I don't know how to use it.
Can I tell you?
Let me show you.
Let me show you.
Get away from me.
Get away from me.
Let me show you.
It's very easy.
Sit back down.
I don't want to get squirted with the thing.
I hope I am.
I hope I'm ruining the whole fucking thing.
Sit down.
I'm going to make the microphone clip.
Give me the prop.
No.
I'll give it to you at the end because I don't want to ruin my makeup.
Okay, well, that was good in theory, and I'm glad that that happened.
This is rock bottom.
What are you doing?
Too contango, motherfucker.
Do you want to break your prankster?
So.
I feel like there's more pranks coming.
No, there's no more pranks.
You seem tense.
No, there's no more pranks.
I've been to hell and back, so bring it on.
What's going on with your rings?
Why have you got them?
I don't like the way you asked that question.
Are you, uh, into ketamine?
What?
Because I'm English.
Do you know the song that says, um, my pussy pink, my booty hole brown?
Yeah.
Sexy rad song.
Can you relate to that?
It's very popular.
Was there any point to that story?
Do you like sex on the beach?
No, because sand gets in the pussies.
Your pussy?
My butt pussy?
My badussy?
Your badussy.
My dickhole pussy?
Yeah.
When you get horny, do you get an erection?
That's so stupid.
Yeah, sure.
I can't.
I don't.
You can't.
I have a vagina.
Aw, that's nice.
What's your best feature, would you say?
My booty hole.
Because it's functional.
Hello?
He's zoning out.
He's zoning out?
What?
So you play the double bass.
What was that?
I thought we had a moment.
No.
Sorry.
Are you a big drinker?
You look like a booze hound.
Pinot grige kind of energy.
I don't like wine.
What do you drink?
I like tequila.
Just tequila?
Tequila soda?
Tequila, margarita.
Tequila, margarita.
And I like a tequila apple juice.
And I like a tequila pineapple juice.
And I like any drink that tastes like juice.
Uh-huh.
Yeah?
You like sweet drinks?
Yeah.
I like rum.
Rum?
I drink it like a pirate.
You're so random.
I'm random.
You're so random.
I love that.
Fucking random.
You're so random.
Ahoy, me hearty.
Do you say that?
Yeah.
That's how British people sound to Americans.
You want to hear my English accent?
Yeah.
I'm going through heroin withdrawal.
So you do a lot of voiceover for animations.
Is that because of your... Is that because of...
All the plastic surgery I've had recently?
Yeah.
Do you like being a bad boy?
No, I'm in bed by like 9pm.
Are you?
Yeah.
Do you get up pretty early?
I journal, I drink green tea.
I'm a fucking suburban fucking lame.
I'm a fucking drip.
I wear earplugs to comedy shows.
What?
The volume's too loud.
How many people, roughly, do you think that you've traumatized?
Billions.
Billion, yeah?
Yeah.
Is that rounding up, rounding down?
I'm going to the gym after this.
You should.
Can't take her anywhere, right, my man?
I will take her away.
I took her fucking breath away.
I'm the wind beneath her motherfucking wings.
OK.
This has been really nice.
Has it?
Your crew has checked out.
They're all on TikTok.
They're not... They're gonna be more bored.
...allowed to be on their phones, actually.
They're all on their phones.
They're looking for other jobs on their phones.
I know that you love to break your desk.
You want me to break this?
So I'm... We can't break this.
Gonna break it.
Okay, let's see what you got.
Oh, nice.
That's cute.
You're gonna break those, too?
It's really nice.
You ready?
Yeah.
Am I ready?
I don't think so.
Okay.
Ready?
You already asked.
Are we ready?
You kind of ruined the spontaneity.
I've ruined it, how?
Yeah.
Should I just go?
You shouldn't really ask.
Should I just do it?
You should have gone a while ago.
Okay.
How'd that feel?
That was really amazing.
Now, what is your name?
Guess.
I'm melting.
