Hey weirdos, it's Ash. Before we dive into today's twisted tale, let me tell you about the spooky perks of Wondery Plus.
It's like having a skeleton key that unlocks ad-free listening and early access to new episodes.
So don't wait, try Wondery Plus today. You can join Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or in Apple Podcasts or Spotify.
You're listening to a Morbid Network podcast.
Listening on Audible helps your imagination soar.
Whether you listen to stories, motivation, expert advice, any genre you love, you can be inspired to imagine new worlds, new possibilities, and new ways of thinking.
Listening can lead to positive changes in your mood, your habits, and ultimately your overall well-being.
Audible has an incredible selection of over 1 million audiobooks, podcasts, and Audible Originals all in one easy app.
Find the genres you love and discover new ones.
Explore bestsellers like my sister's title, new releases, plus thousands of included audiobooks, podcasts, and originals that members can listen to all they want with more added all the time.
I have been listening to the Martha's Vineyard Beach and Book Club, which actually Elena recommended to me.
She did not listen to it, but she said, girl, this title sounds so you.
And let me tell you, it did. I've been listening to it while I walk, and I am absolutely loving it.
I love all the different narrators. I love Audible.
There's more to imagine when you listen.
Sign up for a free 30-day Audible trial, and your first audiobook is free.
Visit audible.com slash morbid. You know those photos sitting in your phone, the ones that make you smile every time you scroll past them?
Well, at smallwoodhome.com, they believe that you deserve better than that.
Smallwood Home transforms your favorite memories into stunning gallery-quality artwork that tells your story.
All you have to do is upload your photo to smallwoodhome.com, choose your style from classic framed prints to elegant wrapped canvases, and they'll handle the rest.
With natural wood finishes like stained, almond, black, or white, plus options for sleek acrylic fronts, there is a perfect match for every home.
And the best part? Every small wood home piece is handcrafted right here in the USA by real artisans who care about quality.
No assembly lines, no shortcuts, just beautiful personalized art that is made to last.
I love a handcrafted thing. Over 3 million happy customers have already discovered why smallwoodhome.com is just different.
They deliver gallery quality at prices that make sense and ship in just days.
I have so many photos in my phone that I'm about to send over to them that I can finally hang up on my walls and I'm really excited about it.
Right now, get 30% off when you use code morbid at smallwoodhome.com.
That's promo code morbid to get 30% off your first order at smallwoodhome.com.
Give your memories the showcase they deserve.
Hey weirdos, it's Drew. Whoa, and I'm Ash.
And this is Morbid. i love your intros that was great um when we first recorded together last week when we were i don't know was it like three days ago who knows but when i recorded the episode that i did with drew we literally forgot to say and this is morbid and actually we did it this time too and we went through the entire intro and then we were like fuck we never said this is morbid yeah i'm not really capable of doing my job without elena to be honest But yeah, so Drew is back for another episode.
We're going to do some listener tales today.
Yeah, I'm excited. I always love sitting in on listener tales.
I know they're fun, right? Yeah. Yeah, because you guys got on Monday, I think you got me and Drew's episode.
And then you had a little bit of Elena back with our National Parks After Dark Girls.
Mm hmm. and then or no maybe i don't know it confuses me because some things come out early and some things don't and i just don't understand what's happening but you guys have gotten some podcasts uh and this one has drew on it so should we tell them what we're doing or what we got Well, we didn't get it yet, but yes.
Me and Ash are officially crazy cat people.
Like officially. I have had it officially.
But yeah, we're adopting another cat. yeah we're getting a girl and her name right now is bunny which is all well and fine but we're coming up with different names because she's still a kitten so like it's okay to change the name um we're not assholes but we're coming up with like we really want to have it be like a witchy or like hippie name so our top ones so far what do we have we have wednesday because if we get her we might be able to get her on wednesday this week and i'm like oh fuck yeah yeah um what else do we have I really I like Wednesday I also like we were also thinking of Olive I like Olive yeah I think we said Tully we have we have a bunch of names in the running but I have a little thing up on Instagram right now uh for people to to help me come up with names so hopefully that's still up there by the time you're listening to this and you can help us come up with a name yeah but so do you I feel like I should just like read these to you and you can just like tell me what you think Yeah, no.
If people want to like a podcast about a struggling reader, then I can read, but I don't think anyone wants that.
Stop. You're not a struggling reader at all.
First one is called Listener Tales. The time I called the cops on hard-boiled eggs.
All right. All right. I don't know if I can say who this is from, so I'm just going to start it.
It says... Hi. I love you all so much, but let's get into it.
Whoa, I love it. All right. A couple months ago, my best friend and I moved into a second floor apartment in Baltimore.
My roommate was out with friends, but I stayed in because I had to teach second graders the next morning.
We love a teacher. I was getting ready for bed, packing my lunch for work, and settling into my room for the night.
For some reason, I decided I wanted to sleep naked.
I never do this, but just felt the urge.
Apparently, there's like science that if you do sleep naked, you get a better night's sleep. interesting yeah i saw that on the today show the other day huh i lay down and turn on my true crime podcast to lull me to sleep as always and i'm about to do and as i'm about to doze off i hear a thud oh that's never good no i brush it off as just a random creak but then i hear it again and again Okay.
It sounded like somebody was in my kitchen going through my fridge.
Knowing I was home alone and my roommate was 30 minutes away, I panicked.
I hadn't made any friends in the city yet, and my parents lived 35 minutes away.
I texted my roommate and my boyfriend, terrified, totally frozen in fear.
My roommate tells me to call the police, so I do.
I'm whispering to the 911 operator like I've been fucking kidnapped, and I tell her that I think someone is in my house.
And then I hear another thud. She said that some officers were on the way.
It was 1am at this point. The officers came up and start pounding on my door.
I'm shitting my pants thinking they just blew my cover.
The operator tells me I need to go let them in, but to get to my door, I'd have to pass the kitchen where this person obviously is.
So I say, Can you just tell them to knock it down?
And she says, no, ma'am, go let them in.
Oh, my God. Please remember, I am naked.
I throw on a shirt and some underwear, but no pants for some reason.
Honestly, that's how I always feel. Whenever I get out of bed in the morning, I'm like, oh, shit, I need to put pants on.
Yeah. um i just lost my place and sprint down the hallway i whip open the door to see two male officers they say what seems to be the problem and a pantsless me says i think someone is right in there pointing to my kitchen again i have no pants on they walk to the kitchen and then i realize there was no intruder i was making my lunch three hours prior and i was making some hard boiled eggs I let them on the stove for three hours.
The noises I heard, the four eggs individually exploding and hitting the ceiling in my kitchen.
Oh my God. There was no water left in the pot.
There were egg remnants everywhere. Wow.
It was then that I bawled to the officer screaming, I'm so sorry.
To which they replied, they replied, it happens.
And then this person writes, does it though?
Yeah. So yeah, my roommate drove all the way home because when I called the police, I stopped texting her.
So she thought that I was murdered. But it turns out I'd just been a dumbass who doesn't know how to set a timer.
Love y'all. Jessie. That was great. I love that.
That is iconic. That's some shit that I would do.
Yeah, honestly. I love that. You just start hearing banging noises and you're like, of course your first thought is like, oh no, somebody's intruded in the house.
Like, I'm fucked right now. Yeah. And then you realize that it's eggs.
Yeah, that... i love it that's funny all right next one is called it was a dark and rainy night um oh they have like a quick little story for dub dub it's a i don't know if i should say this so i'll get to the next part greetings to you amazing weirdos all the way from nodak north dakota Feel free to use my name.
It's Courtney. I like that name. And all the names mentioned.
First, I'm going to start off by apologizing for the length of this listener tale, as I like to talk and tend to ramble, randomly ramble.
When I was little, if I was telling a story, my family would make sure they didn't interrupt me because I had the tendency to start my story over.
Kids, am I right? Even though I'm typing this, I will probably start over multiple times because I want to make sure that this is an easy read if it's selected for a listener tale, which would make me burst with all the joy.
Well, burst. There you go. Second, I need to give you the praise this wonderful podcast deserves.
Thank you. I've been a listener now for a few years, and I want to thank you for filling all the dead air that surrounds me while I drive, clean, work out, and even shower.
Yes, I am a morbid shower listener. It is either you ladies coming through my Bluetooth speaker or songs from Broadway musicals that I belt while I scrub-a-dub-dub with my pros hair care.
I love that. I do, too. You love that because of the show tunes, right?
Yeah, yeah. And I like to listen to podcasts in the shower, too.
Yeah, who doesn't? It's like then you're never showering alone, which like sounds weird.
But if you're home alone and you're kind of freaked out and you put a podcast on, you're fine.
Yeah. I mean, maybe not this one, but. Yeah.
Lately, I've been propping up my phone and watching the pit stop while I shower.
Yeah, I noticed that the other day and I was like, are you really watching TV right now? that was iconic though uh la la la balance because i'm a libra whenever i listen to you two i feel like i'm listening to some awesomely weird besties it amazes me how much your relationship is like my sisters and mine we joke that if we are secretly billing being filmed while together it would be a very entertaining watch i also love all the pop culture references to mean girls never been kissed on america's next top model Which I think you should bring back.
Oh, excuse me. Yes, which I think you should bring back palate cleansers and discuss each season of ANTM and who you wanted to win.
Best moments, makeover drama, etc. Seriously, though, if you lovelies lived in small town North Dakota, I'm sure we would be the best of friends.
I'm also sure. And that's a great fucking podcast idea.
Who is rewatching America's Next Top Model?
Shay Kool-Aid does a rewatch of... america's next top model shea coulee from uh drag race yeah i love shea coulee and what's the podcast called do you know it's called wannabe on top iconic how many times drink every time i say iconic just kidding don't play that game okay last thing before i get to the real reason why we were we are here holy shit elena sending all the hugs to you after the passing of your beautiful bubba it's so hard losing a four-legged family member of your family my cat velma we are considering that name wow yeah was recently diagnosed with diabetes and it's been so hard seeing her little meow body change with all the things that it's been enduring we had a hard go at it the past couple of weeks trying to get her regulated to the insulin injections but i feel like we're finally on track she's playing with my other cat stella oh my god i like that name too like they are kittens again and it brings my heart so much happiness i feel you when you talk about how vet care makes a huge difference in your pet situation my vet has been so wonderful and i can tell she's has a soft spot in her heart for my velma meow oh she even picked her up from my work to bring her to her day-long appointment so i wouldn't have to take off more time knowing that she has these issues and our time could be limited i'm taking all taking in all the cuddles and moments that i can hug your pets a little tighter each day oh i know there's like that picture of bubba over there and it keeps making me sad i know a listener actually uh painted that i know it looks just like her yeah so many people painted pictures of bailey and like you guys are so fucking talented i miss bubba i miss bubba so much i actually cried about it the other day okay so now to the listener tale for your convenience i fucking love you i have attached a double spaced puttafa oh my god this is like a beautiful puttafa what font is this you know what font this is i like that font I think that's just Times New Roman.
Sexy. All right. So I am taking you to rural Minnesota.
I grew up in Fergus Falls, Minnesota. It's located on Interstate 94, about an hour south of Fargo and about two and a half hours north of the Twin Cities.
My family and I lived about seven minutes outside of our town and our closest neighbor lived about a mile away.
Our house is on a paved country highway and the lot is surrounded by fields.
Most years, we were lucky to have a corn privacy fence, which is pretty cool.
I spent my childhood playing outside, pretending I was every Disney princess, and making houses all around our lot in different groves of trees.
I loved growing up in the country, and I enjoy that I have a wonderful place to escape.
I am the youngest of three, and by the time I was 13, my older siblings were out of the house.
So it was like I was an only child through most of my teen years.
Okay, enough about all that. On to the spookiness.
One dark and rainy night in April when I was about 16 years old, my sister Crystal was spending the night at our parents' place.
It was about midnight, and my parents were already asleep.
I had just crawled into bed, and my sister was still awake and on the computer in our family room.
Remember when everyone had a computer in their family room?
Oh, yeah. That was the best. I know. That was like, did you play like a roller coaster tycoon?
No, it's so funny that you say that actually because I was trying to think of this weird computer game that we all used to take in like computer class.
We would play this weird game and it was like this – I think it was like a red ball that like floated and stuff like down this runway and you had to move left to right to avoid things.
I don't remember what you're supposed to avoid, but it was like it would get harder and harder and it would go faster like the further along you got.
Was it – I think I know what you're talking about.
It's like blocks. It was like avoiding blocks or something.
I think you're right. Yeah, it was like the weirdest game.
Like there was really no point to it whatsoever, but we were all fucking addicted.
Yeah, I was addicted to Roller Coaster Tycoon.
I would like not finish the roller coasters and then you send the people on the roller coasters and they just launch off.
And then when they land, it's like a big explosion.
What does that say about you? I don't know.
I think it says that you're a Capricorn.
Yeah. I never played Roller Coaster Tycoon, but I used to play like AddictingGames.com, like those games.
Oh, yeah. I used to play those games, too.
Those were fun. All right. Back to the story.
I was just about asleep and all of a sudden I hear honking coming from outside.
My bed was right next to the window, so I rolled over, pulled back the curtain and looked outside.
Through the raindrop-filled window—beautiful—
Excuse me, I literally just burped. I saw a car stopped on the side of the road and its trunk end facing the house.
Again, I heard honk, honk, honk, honk, and the car started to move clockwise and scan the field.
Confused, I got up and walked past my sister in the family room, through the kitchen, and into the living room where there's a big picture window that has a better view of the road.
See attached photo? I will. When I got to the window, the headlights were shining right at me, and in the beams of light in the ditch was something big and hairy.
Trying not to freak the fuck out, I tiptoed into the kitchen and quietly yelled, Crystal, come here!
Shit, that was like method acting right there.
That was really good. I felt like I was you.
I know. Not you, but like the listener. Yeah.
She followed me back into the living room and the car was still on the road facing the house in the wrong lane for the wrong direction.
We stood so still as we watched the car slowly start to move and then stop, move and stop.
We couldn't figure out what was going on.
Then creeping out of the ditch came a big, hairy Sasquatch looking thing.
It walked onto the road and stood just a few feet in front of the car.
We could see the hair dancing with the wind and the headlights.
Another beautiful sentence. Yeah. The car honked and then attempted to move forward towards this thing, but then it stopped.
It honked again, moved, and then stopped.
This thing was not moving. It was not scared of the car.
It looked as if it was testing the car in some sadistic way.
Then this thing started to slowly move to the passenger side and looked into the window of the car.
I'm like shitting myself right now. I know. uh this was car's chance this was the car's chance wow am i okay we heard the screeching of tires and the car bolted towards our house pulled into our driveway turned around and then drove the opposite direction as fast as it could my sister and i looked at each other in awe of what we just saw we were so fixated on the car driving away that we didn't see where the big hairy thing went so what did we do next we booked it into our parents bedroom which was attached to the We tried to calm ourselves before we woke up our sleeping parents to tell them about the thing that we just saw that could be headed toward our house next.
Dad, dad, dad, there's something big and hairy outside.
Pretty sure we said something of that nature.
We were both scared shitless, so it could have come out more like, Dada, something boo scary big outside.
We told him to come with us into the living room so we could describe to him what we had just witnessed.
Dad got up and told us to go in the living room, and he grabbed his handgun to have for easy access just in case.
We tried to tell him to grab a bigger gun, but for now, before knowing what he would potentially have to defend his house against, he figured the handgun would be sufficient.
A.K.A. I don't think he truly believed us, and he was thinking that we were two scaredy cats who watched too many scary movies.
Yeah. anyway so he and my mom stood by the window as we told them what we saw they listened as we described and tried to act out what went down dad commented if one of you saw this i wouldn't be too worried but that both of you saw this that makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up yeah that's the thing like both of them saw it yeah and mom clearly just wanted to go back to bed and said i'm sure it ran away whatever it was that's literally me i am your mom Yeah, she was concerned, but I think she had herself convinced that it was all a dream.
We finally convinced mom, who worked for the police department and records, to call dispatch and have somebody come out.
Let's just say she didn't have the same urgency as we did when describing what we saw, but he agreed to come out and take a look.
All right, he should be here soon. So we waited by the window, no lights on in the house, watching for anything that moved.
We have a very tall yard that illuminated a big portion of the property.
I bet you can imagine how that went. Oh, I saw something.
Did you see that by the shed? Did you hear that?
I thought I saw something by the tree. And then there's mom bundled up on the couch in a blanket, falling in and out of sleep.
Iconic. Again, drink. No, I'm just kidding.
Don't. It seems like we waited forever for the cop to get there.
So we decided to try to calm ourselves by taking a few deep breaths and sitting down on the couch.
We no sooner sat and a large crash, which sounded like glass breaking, came from my parents' bedroom.
Oh. My dad drew his handgun from the holster on his belt, like an FBI agent in pursuit of a suspect stance and all my sister ran as fast as she could into the kitchen.
I froze and just started hyperventilating on the couch and mom let out.
I wasn't sleeping, but I was grunt. My dad, in his ready-to-protect-his-family stance, made his way into the bedroom, and my sister was frantically telling me to unfreeze my ass and run into the kitchen with her, but I just looked at her.
My mind told me to haul ass, but my body would not move.
It seemed like time stood still while we waited for the sounds of gunshots or for dad to come back out of the dark bedroom with the all clear.
What dad discovered was a... What dad discovered was a hairy, small, and Calico, our cat, Angel, don't let the name fool you, had knocked over and broke a glass in my parents' bedroom.
Once we all, except mom, had calmed down from that nerve-wracking moment, we were curious as to where the cop was.
Surely he should have been here by now. Mom called dispatch to see where he was and learned that on his way out, he got tied up with some drunk driving incident.
Not long after she called, he pulled into the driveway.
The rain had stopped and it was starting to get brighter outside as it was getting close to sunrise at this point.
We figured that it would be safe to go out and talk to him, you know, safety in numbers.
We told our story to the cop, and he said that another cop had pulled over a car not too far from our house.
As he was on his way out, he stopped for assistance, thinking maybe this could be the car that encountered our Sasquatch, and it was.
So he asked the passengers of the vehicle if they encountered anything while out on the drive, and sure as shit, they all started spewing off stories about seeing things on the road and in ditches and how terrified they all were.
Well, here's the thing. They were all drunker than a skunk and hoping that that scary encounter would get them out of trouble.
Wrong. They were all taken in and brought into detox because they were underage and well over the legal limit.
There were four people in this car, a male driver, two passengers, and a larger built girl in a big hairy coat with a hood.
Our Sasquatch. So they were just messing around.
They were just messing around, but they thought that they had seen like a monster.
But she just had like a big hairy coat. I'm like picturing like the coats from the village that they like the elder people would wear.
I don't even remember those. I remember watching that with you, but I can't even remember.
The village is like one of my favorite movies.
I think you showed that to me when we first started dating and I'd never seen it before.
And I think, didn't I predict the ending?
And you were like, you were like, how, what?
Yeah. That ending like was the most mind blown I've like ever been in my entire life.
That's a good movie. Yeah. I mean, the first time I saw it, I was like in middle school.
So. Yeah, I think when you know, like, that's M. Night Shyamalan, isn't it?
Yeah. That's funny. I think me and Alayna were just talking about him the other day.
It was the three of us. We were all talking about him.
Oh, sorry. Because we were talking about the village.
Oh, shit. All right. Cool. But yeah, I feel like the older you get and when you know what to expect from M. Night Shyamalan's movies, it makes sense that that's the ending.
But in the moment, I was definitely like, damn.
Yeah. That'd be a good movie to cover on screen, I feel.
Maybe that'll be my next pick. Yeah. Yeah.
All right, so that was their Sasquatch. Yes, the cop who my sister and I had known since we were young had to fight back laughter while telling us that the thing that terrified us for the last few hours was just a girl in a coat. revelation we walked back inside and all went to bed we all slept in super late my sister and i decided to go look in the ditch because we weren't convinced that it was a girl in a coat it looked way bigger hairier and scarier while walking along the ditch we saw a very large set of footprints in the mud mud so unless this girl had shack sized feet we were still convinced that we saw sasquatch that night to this day we still laugh about that night along with our creepy encounters that we've had at our parents house which include grizzly bags and mountain lions but i will leave grizzly bags for another time grizzly bags yeah i needed to make sure that i had read that yeah but they said that they're gonna leave that for another time because this has already been a long sorry tale you don't need to be sorry at all and you totally can give us two at a time if you feel like it Yeah, I want to know what grizzly bags is.
That's the thing. Everybody always gives us like a little hint and they're like, oh, like I'll save it for next time.
I'm like, I need to know now. So ladies, as always, keep it weird, but not so rare that you and your sister think you see a Sasquatch and Sasquatch decides to take a car.
So you wake up your sleeping parents and your mom doesn't really give a shit that you could become a buffet for Sasquatch.
And the whole situation turns your dad into a sharpshooter and your cat into a bitch who decides to scare you shitless.
And then you end up in... uh and then at the end a cop says your sasquatch was just a girl in a large hairy coat but you don't believe him because you found sasquatch shack footprints in the mud but keep it so weird that you typed your listener tail at work because you had nothing to do and wanted to look like you were actually doing work shh don't tell my boss okay bye i would never tell your boss i often do things that look like work that are not work yeah That's great.
That was absolutely hilarious. The fact that it was just a girl in a really big, like, hairy coat is just really funny to me.
I know, honestly. I mean, I've always believed that there's a Sasquatch out there somewhere.
Oh, yeah. I mean, we're in the Bridgewater Triangle.
There's Bigfoot feet. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, have you ever seen Harry and the Hendersons?
No. Oh, great. Great flick. They do. It's from like the 80s.
I forget who's in it, but it's about a family that finds Sasquatch and like adopts him.
Oh, that's cute. Not like I don't know. I haven't seen the movie since I was a kid, but it's a good movie.
All right. Cool. I love that. I'm resting my foot upon you.
Sorry. All right. Are you ready for the next one?
Yes. This next one is called one time my coworker accidentally helped rob our branch of our credit union.
Neat. Nice. It says, hello, all of this will be attached in a put a foot because I'm a people pleaser and I would feel terrible if I sent it in a normal email.
Ha ha. That's an issue. And they said that's an issue.
I didn't. I am a fellow people pleaser. So I felt that in my bones.
All right. My name is Sydney, but you can call me Sid though.
All right, Sid. I found you guys back when I was working as an accountant and I swear you the only reason I didn't absolutely loathe everything in my life while I was at my last job.
I now work in marketing and I love it, but I still listen to you guys while I work, but it's out of plain joy, not a necessity to continue to want to live.
Also feel free to use my name. I'll probably cry and show everyone I know because I have no shame in chasing my 20 seconds of fame.
I love you, Sid. So anyway, just a quick story about the one time my credit union got robbed.
So in order to explain this issue, or excuse me, this situation, you need an idea of the layout of our branch.
The teller line was a U-shape around a wall.
So one side was facing out to the drive up and you walked around the wall to help in the lobby.
Yes. When you walk in the front immediately to your left and right, there are two offices with big windows so you can see it.
I'll draw a picture out for you in case I suck at describing.
Sometimes my brain is a hot jumbled mess and I don't know how to communicate what's in it.
Again, have never related more to a statement.
Yeah, I was just going to say same, same.
Sorry, I very much over talked to you in that moment.
TikTok taught me, though, that that's called ADHD and not being rude.
So over talking. yeah or like interrupting people uh it's a horrible thing that I do I must have yeah you never interrupt I feel like you think you do I feel like sometimes I do no it's probably just me interrupting you when you're already talking but like you're such a nice person that you probably think you're interrupting yeah I don't know you said yeah like you just had this big realization I broke the glass for you Anyway, a couple years ago while I was working as a teller, some dude jumped off his motorcycle, kept his helmet on with sunglasses, and came up to our counter saying, give me $1,000.
Now, if you know bank etiquette, he broke a couple of rules.
One, no hats. Two, no helmets. And three, no taking money that's not from your account.
That's actually a law, not just a rule. Fun fact.
So he went up to the bank and just said, give me $1,000.
Is that what she said? Yeah, he's robbing them. a thousand dollars you're gonna rob a bank and ask for a thousand dollars i don't know so when you look at this guy apparently how much would you ask for i would just be like give me all your money have you done this before give me one thousand and one dollars and 99 cents please i'm robbing you that's what you would ask for yeah oh okay i feel like you're like never mind I'm like giving people tips to rob banks.
I'm like, actually, I feel like if you were to do it.
No, I'm kidding. So when you look at this guy, you'd notice his hand was still in his pocket of his black jacket.
He made it look like he was pretending to hold on to something or he was.
We actually never found out. But in my innocent little brain, he was just pretending.
What a silly goose. He walks up to one of our mail tellers and says, give me $1,000.
So my little nugget of a coworker didn't realize what was happening.
Apparently the training wasn't good enough because this guy did not know that he was being robbed and said, okay, what's your account number, sir?
Let me tell you, if I wasn't about to pee my pants before, I was then because who says that to a robber? freaking goon haha well i think he was probably confused because the guy just said can i have a thousand dollars no he didn't say can i have a thousand dollars he said give me a thousand dollars oh like that's that's robbery right there anyway the robber dude says uh i'm robbing you put a thousand dollars on the counter so then oh sweetie austin instead of pulling instead of pulling the picked up Sorry, instead of pulling the... He picked up his loose cash, not the bundle of $1,000 and hundreds he already had, and then proceeds to count out the money on the counter.
One, two, three, four, five, six. The guy finally had to say, just give me the whole stack in your hand.
Awesome move, co-worker buddy. So then he hands him the cash.
Awesome, this guy should... Awesome, this guy should be out of here and the cops should be on their way.
While I had worked in banking for like two and a half years at this point in time, I'd never been in a position where I could hit the panic button or pull the bait money or whatever to notify the police.
Side story, one time I did mess up the alarm on a Saturday morning though. and to get the uh to get oh my god i literally cannot speak one time i did mess up the alarm on a saturday morning enough to get to the police to come to our branch but that's because i'm an anxious idiot who didn't know how to type in the code so it seemed like somebody was just trying to rob the branch anywho honestly relatable because nine out of ten times when i walk into our house i'm like what's the code yeah it's like beep beep beep beep and i'm like we also change it like quite frequently i'm always like putting in like the old codes i know right hot hot tip though you should change your uh codes a lot because then how's anybody gonna remember them or know them yeah since i was working in the back at the drive-up window though you can see the underside of the counter from where the robber is standing he could see my panic button and could see if i pulled the bait money so i was frozen i didn't know if bro had a gun and i wasn't about to get shot for this let him take the money the credit union has insurance for this kind of stuff yeah the robber had also walked past the glass windows that led to the office so there's a clear view of our branch manager so if he does anything sudden the robber can see him too whoever planned out the layout of this branch was an idiot come on let's hide someone from where a robber would stand but luckily our manager and our customer relationships rep were able to sneak like a slithery little snake and push their panic buttons yay for the police in this case So another fun way that my coworker that was robbed might have slightly helped the robber out is that he didn't hand out his bait money.
We each had bait in each of our stacks of bills.
We had a photocopy of the money recorded so we knew what serial number was tied to it so we could trace the money.
How we kept this in our drawer was that we had the bait bill flipped upside down.
Is like a bait bill like a fake money? dollar no i think it is real money but i think what this person is saying is that uh they have a like a record of the serial number along the bottom so and then like they have a stack and then the top is flipped over so it's like the back side of the dollar but they probably organized the rest of the drawer with the right side facing up so they know what the bait money is got it got it Yeah.
Yeah. She's there literally explaining it right now.
How we kept us in our drawer was we had the bait bill flipped upside down.
So it was opposite the rest of our money at the bottom side of the stack.
So when we were counting money out to our members, we would just leave that bill at the bottom and grab the money on top.
So we didn't have to rescan bait bill all the time.
OK, so I think it's like one bill that like you'll know is traceable. you see what I'm saying no that makes sense that makes sense or do you see what they're saying I mean my brother has worked at a bank since he was like in high school and he's always said that if a robber comes in he's like they always say just give them what they want and yeah because I that's like you're not gonna get killed that way if you just give them what you want and don't yeah get in their way I guess exactly So wild.
Do you remember? I think I talk about this a lot on the show.
You never want to watch it with me and it makes me so sad.
But you know the movie that I always ask you to watch about the cheerleaders and one of them is pregnant and they like they go to rob a bank.
I forget what it's called, but I fucking love that movie.
Yeah. What? Cheerleaders? Wait, I think we did watch this.
No, we've never watched it. You never let me put it on.
Hold on. Cheerleaders robbing a bank? Yes.
You Google it. I'll continue reading. Okay.
So the robber had asked for the full stack of hundreds.
Awesome if you have the bait money because you can give it to him and we'll be able to track it.
But not so awesome if you're a chicken nugget and you didn't pick up the bait money and it's still in the drawer.
There's also one better thing in there that we love to tease him about after this day.
So as a rule of thumb, thumb, excuse me, as a teller is to only have a certain amount of money in your cash drawer at all times.
That way, if we do get robbed and they want the, and they just want the drawer, it's not actually that much money.
So the rule tends to be no more than a thousand and a hundred because we normally strap the thousand dollars altogether.
And then you keep it in a locked drawer near you.
Cutie patootie coworker had 1200, not including the bait bill in hundreds.
So the robber was blessed with 1200 instead of the 1000 that he asked for.
Yay for more money! The robber then proceeded to leave via his motorcycle, jumping the curb onto the busy street in front of our building and being a total douche on the streets.
Like, everybody is probably cussing him out because he's cutting people off, riding between cars really fast.
He jumped the curb. Bro, one crime at a time, please.
So the silent alarm had been triggered, and there was actually a cop close by.
But as the cop is getting told to come to our branch, he sees Buttface jump the curb and take off.
He told us he had half a mind to flip around and pull that son of a gun over.
But then he was notified that our silent alarm had been triggered, so he decided to come to our rescue.
Thank you, sir, but also come on. That would have been hilarious if this dude robbed us and got pulled over immediately after because he was driving like a bonkers person.
I love that. Like a bonkers person. Then the cop came, took our statements.
We actually got the rest of the day off of work.
So that was neat. And the guy who robbed us lived like 20 minutes from our branch.
Turns out he was actually a member. Come on, dude.
Credit unions are literally owned by their members.
Why would you steal from yourself? Go to a different place that doesn't house your money.
Yeah. Yeah, that's the other thing. Don't go to your bank.
Like, if you're going to rob a bank, don't go to your bank.
No, no, no. Even better. If you're going to rob a bank, don't.
Yeah. There you go. You were like, yeah.
I have no ulterior motives. I want everyone to know that.
Yeah. You should probably make that loud and clear, brother.
I also am in a habit of calling you brother, which is like really weird.
That's fine. We're not related. Wait, let me finish reading this and then tell us the movie.
Oh, okay. Okay. Clearly, Elena's not here because this is so fucking disorganized.
People are going to be like, Ash, never podcast again without her.
All right. I know everyone misses Elena and she'll be back soon.
She is. He was caught the next day trying to spend the money he stole at the Walmart that's a block and a half away from our branch.
Silly criminal, leave town and steal more next time.
But also, stealing from banks and credit unions really isn't worth it.
We don't actually keep enough money in the physical location for it to be worth the jail time.
And it's not even enough to supply you for that long.
I think it would barely buy a moderate house, so you can't run away and live off that forever.
And we were a federal credit union. That is a federal crime.
So that's the story about how my branch got robbed and my coworker proceeded to give him more money than he asked for and didn't give him the bait money and asked this dude what his account number was while he was being robbed. that poor kid i know i need to know if he still works there because i'm like oh man like you guys probably just roast him daily yeah keep it weird ladies i also love you guys so much but i'm trying not to gush about you and fangirl too hard keep it professional sydney sid that was awesome yeah i mean credit unions are where it's at if you're gonna be at like have a bank account make it be at a credit union yeah like unions are smart i want to teach our kids that yeah my grandpa always taught me that yeah um but the movie is called sugar and spice Yes.
Oh, my God. It is called Sugar and Spice.
Are you going to let me show it to you ever?
I swear we watched it. No. Drew. Or you started it and I fell asleep.
Because I know, like, I've seen some of it.
Drewstopher? No. We've never watched it together.
I haven't seen that movie since I would say I was at least eight years old.
But... when i was a youth it was like one of my favorite movies which like tells you a lot about my upbringing but yeah it's a good fucking movie okay while you were watching winnie the pooh i was watching that okay wow i mean you should have been watching winnie the pooh or like i don't know what'd you watch spice world yeah well have i seen spice world yeah no okay well i'll watch that and you'll watch sugar and spice world is nowhere to be found but good thing i have my dvd i was gonna say you no no you have showed me spice world before because i remember the british guy like he's like the manager yeah he's like ruining the day spoiler alert sorry if you haven't seen that but he's like 20 years old If you haven't seen Spice World yet in this year of 2022, you should really get on that because it truly is a masterpiece.
Drew will loan you out his DVD. Yeah, the DVD is literally worn out by the amount of times I've watched that movie in my day.
I think I bought that back when I was like 10 years old.
Okay. Have you ever heard, people think I'm fucking nuts whenever I say this, but me and my friend Courtney in high school tried this and it fucking worked.
I don't know why I just sweared so much.
I'm like, okay. You're like, girl, calm down.
If you have like a super scratch DVD or like if your DVD is skipping and you flush it down the toilet.
So like you don't, it doesn't go down the toilet or break, but like you put it in there.
I don't know. It's like something about the water or something.
It's probably not true, but like it works. so it is true you tried it yes oh damn yeah my spice girl my spice world dvd isn't scratched because i like literally like guarded that thing with my life but um the like top of it where it has like the picture of them is worn out like because it's just played so many times yeah it probably got it like heats up yeah yeah that's funny um but yeah if you have a skipping d d d d dvd um then flush it down the toilet yeah if you does anyone even still watch dvds i'm sure some people do like people like that were born in the 90s yeah or like parents who have portable dvd players still for their kids or like are there just like tvs and cars now i don't know yeah yeah we're like we don't have kids yeah i have 200 plus dvds still and i don't know what to do with them casual flux i think you should keep them they might be worth money someday that's true all right well back to the listener tales this is listener tale murdering wedding photographers and haunted engagement houses all right i feel like this is on theme for us we were just talking about our wedding i love that um i got my dress and i love telling drew that i got it and he can't see it yeah it's been torture yeah um But anyways, all right.
Hi there, most awesome women of all things murdery and spooky, Andrew.
I just added that. My husband and I offer you a probably too long, but written in a tad bit different style than other tales.
Oh, I'm excited. We were writing it together, but have different points of view on the bizarro world that came out of living in the inland Northwest.
Feel free to edit as you wish. We tend to be wordy.
And I also swear like a mother effer. Oh, my God.
It's almost like I knew. That's why I started swearing so much.
You're my favorite podcast. The energy you both have.
Please tell me your secret. I don't even know what it is.
I think it's just coffee. Yeah. I was just going to say that, too.
Yeah. And the obvious passion you have for the subjects and compassion for the victims.
Awesomeness all combined into two fantastic ladies.
Thank you for everything you do. And I'm not sure if I can say your name, so I won't yet.
But that was really sweet of you. Thank you.
Yeah. Okay. Hello, weirdos. First-time writer, short-time listener, although my wife has been loving you longer and encouraged us to share our listener tale.
For the sake of mystery and drama, we'll call it The Strange Case of the Killer Wedding Photographer in the Haunted House.
Here is a 1.5-line spaced puttafa just for you.
Use the names if you choose and shorten as you wish.
Never. I guess you can read this as a dual listener tale.
My husband, Joe, who writes in the black text, and I'm reading the red text right now for those who can't see.
Husband is a journalist who, excuse me, intends to be more factual and certainly does not swear.
That's why he fucking married me, someone who actually can't go without swearing for 90 fucking seconds.
I love it. I mean, that's both of us. I was like at a family party the other day and my six year old nephew was there and I'm literally dropping like F-bombs and saying like BS and all this.
And my cousin was like, can you stop? she's like my child is literally right there i know sometimes i like i i really usually do a good job of censoring myself around the girls but if i'm like hyped up about something i'll be like oh yeah i slip in front of the girls all the time but no you don't that often i mean i think i'll like catch it or like mumble it like it will like start coming out and you start i mean you guys do the same thing yeah and then you just like change it into a different word yeah exactly All right, well, we work well together.
I swear the rant, excuse me, I swear and rant and he is the calmest goddamn man that you'll ever meet.
We sent our kids to Catholic school and I'm pretty sure he, the kid, not the husband, taught all the first grade students the proper usage of motherfucker. i hope that i can claim that my child also did that someday i don't know what that says about me it's like um on real housewives of beverly hills this season the housewife diana who's from bosnia and she has like an accent and everything yeah uh sutton called her a motherfucker and she's like in my country that's fucking your mom and they're like uh that's not what it is here but she was that's why she was so offended though yeah So the parents apparently had some sort of collective brain leakage because they asked me to be the den mother for that chapter of Cub Scouts.
Jesus. I mean that literally. Where was Jesus during this decision to let me, Satan's goddaughter, the 42-year-old goth that had no problem letting them all know that I was a licensed, practicing godless heathen and damn proud of it.
I was going to have the Cub Scouts mix margaritas for me. for their chemistry belt loop or some shit i'm obsessed with you you measure shit right but for some reason the pack disbanded when they asked me to be the pack leader but first some foundation for our tale i grew up in the seattle area and this is the husband by the way where advanced knowledge of serial killers and random connections to them is in our dna as much as eddie bauer raincoats and fuzzy socks and birkenstocks any time of the year i hope i said eddie bauer right do you know who that is eddie bauer yeah isn't that like a clothing brand sure yeah it's the raincoat Yeah, I know, like, there's, like, they have, like, outlet stores, because my mom, like, when we would go up to New Hampshire, she would always stop at the Eddie Bauer outlet.
Okay, cool. Glad I said it right. My mom was also into true crime books before that genre was cool, so a normally family drive would include comments like, there goes a VW bug like the one Ted Bundy had, or...
Lake S-S-M-S-M-S-M-S-M-S-M-S-M-S-M-S-M-S-M-S-M-S-M-S-M-S-M-S-M-S-M-S-M-S-M-S-M-S-M-S-M-S-M-S-M-S-M-S-M-S-M-S-M-S-M-S-M-S-M-S-M-S-M-S-M-S-M-S-M-S-M-S-M-S-M-S-M-S-M-S-M-S-M-S-M-S-M-S-M-S-M-S-M-S-M-S-M-S-M-S-M-S-M-S-M-S-M-S-M-S-M-S
Bonus background. Lino LaBianca, one of the Manson family victims, was a fifth cousin.
Family lore tells us that his father and my great-grandfather came to the San Fernando Valley area of L.A. at the same time from the same village in Italy.
That's wild. That is crazy. One of the victims' wallets was also found at a gas station a mile from my grandparents' house right off the freeway.
Wow. Stuff like that is freaky. Yeah, it's like the seven degrees of separation and stuff like that.
It's like my dad, like everyone knows this, but my dad grew up in Illinois and his childhood town that he grew up in is like 20 minutes away from John Wayne Gacy's house.
Yeah. And so my dad was like the prime age of... john wayne gacy's like victims at the time and it's just like the fact that like my dad was just wandering around and gacy was probably just passing him in the night yeah it's true it's like uh we were saying he went to high school with one of john john wayne gacy's victims yeah and my dad talks about it and just said that kid just disappeared one day and no one knew like it's crazy that's awful yeah Well, we have the wife again, who is literally me, and I love her.
Joe forgot to mention the fucking wackadoodle murdering assholes here in, I think it's Spokane, when I was going to school at Gonzaga.
At one time, we had two serial killers going, and it confused the ever-loving shit out of the police.
Robert Yates was probably the one everyone never heard about. despite killing at least 13 people in Spokane and several other cities.
What self-respecting serial killer buries a victim under his bedroom window?
Oh, what a fucking weirdo. Wow. I mean, if you can kill somebody, and he's not a weirdo like us guys.
Well, obviously a seriously fucked up one.
Yes, fucked up is hyphenated in this instance.
I had to ask my writer husband, because seriously, I was an art major at a private college and promptly forgot about...
Word things. Wow. Wow. Wow. He took the young girl to Denny's in the middle of the night for a meal.
A customer and a waitress recognized her from the missing posters and called the cops.
For fuck's sake, seriously? What the fuck?
Yeah. He was jonesing for, excuse me, he was jonesing for moons over my hammy that much.
I don't know what that means to you. That's like from Denny's.
It's like a meal at Denny's, moons over my hammy.
Oh, fun fact, I don't think I've ever been to Denny's.
You've never been to Denny's? Are you kidding me?
No, I was, like, an IHOP girl. Me and my friends would frequent Denny's, like, back in the day.
I don't think there's really any Denny's, like, around my area that I know about.
There wasn't a Denny's near Maynard, but there was one, like... But you found one?
Yeah, like, a half hour away, and it was when we got our license, so we would just drive there all the time.
And Denny's is open to, like... Sometimes they're like 24 hours, so you can go like any time.
So is IHOP. Anyways, I have to say I feel no remorse knowing that piece of shit later died horribly in jail.
I usually wish things like ball and dick cancer on fecal stains like that, but I'll settle for how he died.
Later, we learned that the sick asshat also murdered several other children while traveling the country.
During his trial, he said he liked to... Oh my God, what the fuck?
During his trial, he said he liked to case daycares. the library by us where I would take my kiddo at least once a week, and he liked to cruise local neighborhoods looking for homes that had play sets in the backyard.
That's terrifying. What does case mean? Case, like you're sizing up a place that you're going to break into or attack a family.
That's terrifying. Yeah, horrific. But we're here to talk about killer photographers and spooky houses, right?
On Valentine's Day in 1997, I proposed to my then-girlfriend Heather.
We couldn't get married until June of the next year because some of her family could only come in the summertime due to their teaching schedules.
Today, we might have said too bad or eloped, but it was different on a more considerate time.
The wife cuts in. Yeah, I used to care about my family and social conventions.
And then the husband says, we also didn't want to throw together a wedding in just a few short months for summer 1997.
So our extended engagement gave us the chance to have our pick of vendors and venues and not rush so much.
That's where we're at right now. One of these was our photographer.
Heather's sister had used a guy named Gregory in his business, Photos by Gregory, for her wedding a few years earlier, and her pictures looked good.
Heather also knew some of the photographers around town from working at a local art supply store.
Gregory wasn't on anybody's bad list. The list was more reserved for the pros who thought they were too cool for school and charged a lot and delivered poor attitudes along with your pictures.
By the way, the formal name of the list was come home, drink liquor, and bitch out these pompous, overpriced, mediocre nimrods that I had to deal with regularly list.
Gregory did some... Gregory did... I'm so sorry I cannot talk. gregory did fine shooting our engagement photos he had a slight touch of a creep but nothing deal-breaking or too unusual for a creative artist and then the wife says hey i'm an artist too so i kind of get the slight weirdo vibe that most people don't understand but holy shit balls and then the husband says he also had two websites one for his wedding stuff and one for his more adult material which leaned more into artsy slash erotica he later shot our wedding but nothing amiss and made it easy to buy the negatives about a year later i A friend who may have also used him for her wedding said, Did you hear Gregory was arrested for murder?
Gregory was arrested for murder. You're keeping up.
Wonderful. No, I am. I'm sorry. He spaced out for one second.
I looked at you and I was like, Greg, murder?
They're photographers. Years later, we learned more thanks to a Dateline piece.
Ooh, Keith was leaning on all sorts of shit during this episode.
Oh, Keith is here with us right now. Keith is always in the pod lab.
Gregory married a woman in the 1970s, had a couple kids with her, and she left him for another pro photographer.
She was later found brutally murdered at her home.
The police first looked at Gregory as a suspect, but he seemed to have an alibi.
He had taken one of their daughters to a birthday party in his Volkswagen Bug.
Hey, Ted Bundy. Adding to the creep out, we had a Star Wars themed wedding.
Hey, don't judge. I know I'm a geek, but when I mentioned it, Gregory said that when he and his wife got married, she had on what he called giant Wookiee boots.
What does that even mean? Wookiee? I think it's like a Star Wars thing.
Yeah, but Wookiee boots? I don't know. Furry?
I don't know. The case was considered unsolved, but in the mid-1990s, a retired detective working on cold cases looked at everything again and found some holes in the initial timeline and some other miscircumstantial evidence that showed Gregory could have time to kill her and still have gone to that party.
There was enough cause to arrest him. His first trial ended in a mistrial, but the second resulted in a murder conviction.
Okay. Joe also forgot to mention that there was another crazy spouse killer in our community who also turned up on Dateline recently.
When we knew her, she was somebody who was always trying to be in the news for various community projects or making complaints.
He and his reporter friends pretty much draw straws to decide which unlucky soul had to cover her next venture.
This Karen before this Karen before Karen's existed was later investigated for embezzling half a million dollars from a county housing coalition and then decided that it would be a good idea to make sure her husband never found out.
They went out. On his boat one morning, and she gave him juice, which she heavily dosed with Benadryl, and then shoved him overboard.
It took a month to find his body in the lake.
What the actual flying fuck? She pleaded guilty to lots of charges and is still in jail.
It was also so great seeing Keith in his shoes and his nature, finding things to rest on.
Ha ha ha! I love this person. Now back to our haunted house again.
Our extended engagement also created an opportunity for Heather and I to move in together.
Something like Catholic mom was not very keen on at the time.
She even sent us a clipping showing that couples who live together without being married have a higher divorce rate when compared to those who wait until marriage and receive church premarital counseling.
By the way, still married 25 years. So they're Catholic mother-in-law.
I was going to say like highly doubt it.
My mom was a Methodist minister and had always told me to make sure you live with the man you want to marry before making it legal.
Smart woman. Yep. You might find out that you can't stand his nasty ass potato chips crunching with his mouth open.
Or the fact that he thinks it's a great idea to have a giant ball python in the bedroom.
Oh, hell to the no on that whack-a-mole.
I do actually get really fucking irritated at the stacks of paper in the books along with the clutter sometimes, which will send me into a rant that would make you think that I was a natural redhead.
When I went to Joe's apartment for the first time, he said he cleaned.
There were paths... there are paths between stacks of newspapers and i think there was a family of raccoons in the kitchen i almost walked out and never came back when i got a mug and found a dead hobo spider in it to this day i check every goddamn mug i use don't even get me going about the time about having to hide the adult literature when he was in the hospital before his mother got to his apartment i am a goddamn saint i bet you can tell that that was heather I was going to say that sounds like you talking about my old bedroom.
Yeah, your bedroom was fucking nasty. But like then I moved in and I'm not the cleanest person on the world either.
So whatever. That also just reminded me that one time I knew a boy who told me that he I forget what he said, but he basically insinuated that I wasn't the kind of girl that you take home to meet your mother.
Someone said that to you. Yeah. My mom fucking loves you.
I fucking love your mom. And she loved me like from the start.
Yeah. I think he was saying because I had like a nose ring and I swear a lot, but your mom doesn't seem to care.
Yeah. I wasn't even dating him either. That's the least of my mom's worries.
Yeah, she does not give a shit. And I wasn't even dating him, so I was like, well, I don't want to go home to your mom, so like, fuck off.
Yeah. Anyways, we moved to the midtown area, I don't know how to spell that, Idaho near Spokane.
I think I said spell that, but what I meant was say that.
The neighborhood is just north of downtown, and at the time it was a good blend of college students, new couples like us, older working class people who lived there for decades, and the occasional meth cook.
There were rougher parts of town, and for $600 a month for a three bedroom, one bathroom home, it was a decent rental.
That actually is a incredible rental these days but you know the 19s the 19s the 19s you know let's just call them the 19s guys right away we found things to be a little off and it was easy to blame most of them on the older 1920s era home that seemed to have been poorly built then badly built onto and then not really well taken care of like the light switches that didn't always work you had to flick them a few times to either turn on or off and sometimes nothing happened sounds like every single house in the boston area yeah And then Heather says, lies.
Those fuckers would turn themselves on and off on their own.
I was terrified of pissing off some vindictive ghost in the middle of the night.
You ever try to find the one bathroom downstairs over two cats in the absolute dark?
Yes, Heather, I have. I offered that greedy little spirit my homemade chocolate chip cookies just to keep the lights on so I could pee without breaking a leg.
Or windows that never quite fit the frame, so if you pulled or pushed too hard, the window could pop out of the frame.
Not a lot of insulation either. We sometimes woke up to snow in the bathroom.
He says pulled or pushed too hard, but I think he blocked the fact that that motherfucking window and frame just fell out of the wall one night while we were in the next room.
And then the husband. Once, one of Heather's coworkers offered her some finches.
She didn't have great experience with the pet birds when she was little, but hoped things would be better this time.
One morning, we woke up and all four were dead with no apparent trauma.
And then Heather says, rationalization does not work when the house is practically screaming, get out and killing your birds.
There was also a mound of dirt in the corner of a backyard, and we poked at it a few times.
No, we dug, trying to level it so it didn't look like some poor asshole was buried in our backyard.
We found a few old toys and stopped after digging with a knife.
We kept the knife, since the house seemed to be stealing our pans.
I'm gonna give it to my son when he starts his own apartment.
New family heirloom. Tell your grandkids that this is the knife great-grandma and grandpa found in a burial mound, and it may or may not have murdered someone."
The house had what one would describe as a creepy, dungeon-y basement with steep stairs that were to a tiny room with the water heater, so not a lot of room for our storage.
You could also access the crawlspace here, which I only did once when there was a strange leak.
The washer hose somehow came loose and was spraying water right into the ground.
My wife, who hates spiders and creepy places, never slipped foot there.
And then Heather says... Yeah, that was a hard fucking stop for me.
I tried and said there's no feasible reason I should ever have to step into this murder pit.
That's why I'm getting married. Make someone else crawl into there with the spiders.
No, not now. Wait, not no, but fucking blow it out your ass no.
Spiders are little crawling nightmares that wait until you sleep and then they run across your face.
You know it. I know it. They are death on eight legs.
Most of the inside walls were white, but one bedroom had a closet that was painted black inside.
I literally hate that. Also, there was a rounded window in the master bedroom, and it also bordered in black.
It was also bordered in black. It was probably some portal to the demon dimension of lost cookware and death knolls. we learned from our neighbors that the previous occupants were a dentist and his wife she was dying of cancer in one of the bedrooms we would still get medical bills for her that's actually so weird because sometimes uh we get mail addressed to the woman that also died in our house so that's fun what else happened well we had things occasionally disappear like the frying pan see above i took your knife you creepy dentist guy or demon that needed to make a fucking omelet no sign of break-ins or nothing of high value went missing we also had slugs that crawled throughout the bathtub spout sometimes Ew.
Ugh. Yeah. I hate that. Sort of like those... Did you say slugs?
Yeah, that would crawl out of the bathtub spout sometimes.
Oh, my God. That's terrible. You know what?
It terrified me as a kid, and I, like, was still at the age where I would, like, take mostly baths.
Like, I was probably, like, five. What? Watching Courage the Cowardly Dog.
There was, like, one episode where spiders, like, were coming up the drain or something.
Oh, yeah. And I still think of it to this day.
Ugh. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I'm actually glad that you said that because apparently there's a like a case that like a true crime case that Courage the Cowardly Dog like goes side by side with and I wanted to look into it.
We were. Yeah. Someone mentioned that. It was probably me.
Yeah. It was brought up recently and I was going to say you should do that.
Yeah. Right. all right, anyway, so a la la la, omelets, horror movies, yes. around this time, i was taking a psychic awareness class which taught me the basics of chakras and other metaphysical mumbo jumbo. during one class, the instructor was talking about negative energy that can surround places and things, and he asked if anyone knew any homes that had an odd or unpleasant vibe.
Me, me, me, me, me. So the whole class took a field trip to our house where we learned about the cleansing process.
We burned sage and sweet grass and rang a metal pot that supposedly produced different tones around unnatural darker energy.
We walked into each room and the instructor commented that the black closet felt particularly dark.
Of course, it's literally painted black.
As well as the closet upstairs. She said she felt some pain and sadness too in a few of the rooms.
Swirling the smoke supposedly helped to blow the bad energy away.
Heather said, I made a friend come, too, so I wasn't the only person banging on a pot that the ghost hadn't taken yet, looking like a moron.
At least Joe got the bell, for Christ's sake.
Other than being educational and making our house smell like pot for a few days, I'm not sure if the cleansing accomplished anything noticeable, or maybe it needed something more heavy-duty.
Heather says real weed, maybe, but since I was a follower of the law, only park in legal parking spaces, and a motif sweater-wearing confirmist at the time, we kept on living with the omelette demon a little bit longer. and then joe says we only stayed there a few more months even though the owners tried to talk us into taking it off their hands at the time there were a lot of new homes being built nearby and they were all affordable and they didn't come with anybody else's psychic leftovers so now we have our own place and we haven't experienced anything out of the ordinary we have made a pet cemetery in the back but at least we know what's in there and then oh oh no heather says don't ask fuck just don't still makes me cry i can't tell you how many sick and almost dead neonatal kittens i fostered for local shelters that died in my hands as i desperately tried to keep them alive oh i also would sometimes take the small cats that passed that made the foster coordinator cry and i promised her i would give them a proper burial and not have them end up in the trash and my kiddos birds several fish and frogs ashes of cats that we had for decades if they ever come back to life i'm screwed so that's our story feel free to use our names we still drive by that house now and then and it's always tempting to ask the current occupants about any creepy vibes or if any significant improvements have been made the exterior was painted after we left but no idea what the inside looks like or feels like 20 plus years later and then heather said pretty sure the egg demon followed us and is now taken up hiding things when i look for them and then puts the objects objects and dumbass spots that i know i searched asshole prankster demon joe and heather um i love that you guys are fucking hilarious and if any other couples want to write us a listener tales where like like you switch off on the parts that was like fun yeah that was great i hope i read it in a way that was easy to listen to uh but those were our listener tales and it's fun they were fucking great yeah i know i'm happy that you came and joined me thanks thank you for having me elena will be back for your regularly scheduled programming next week Actually, what's coming out on Friday?
I don't even know. I'm like, let me try to think about it.
Actually, let me not. And next time I talk to you, I will hopefully have a cat because in the middle of that, we paused and got a call that our little baby's ready to get picked up.
Yay. I think we will probably name her Wednesday.
Yeah, because it's Wednesday. Yeah, right?
Maybe we'll name her Wednesday. Maybe we'll name her one of the other names that you suggest on my little Instagram poll or one of the ones that we already picked from.
We like to see the cat in person before we decide on a name.
I was just going to say that, Bubba. You finished my sentence.
All right, guys. Well, we hope you keep listening.
And we hope you keep it weird. A little clunky, but not so bad.
I love you so much. Bye. Bye. If you like Morbid, you can listen early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts.
Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music.
Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey at wondery.com slash survey.
The town of Agde in France is famous for sun, sand, sea and sex.
But lately, life on the coast has taken a strange turn.
The town's mayor, a respected pillar of the community, has been arrested for corruption.
His wife claims he's been bewitched by a beautiful clairvoyant.
Then there's the mysterious phone calls that local people have been getting.
I am the Archangel Michael. The whole town has been thrown into chaos.
As the mayor is unable to carry out his duties, I would like to address you all.
Legal proceedings have been initiated. Join me, Anna Richardson, and journalist Leo Schick for The Mystic and the Mayor as we investigate a story of power, corruption, and magic.
Binge all episodes of The Mystic and the Mare exclusively and ad-free right now on Wondery+.
Start your free trial in Apple Podcasts, Spotify or the Wondery app.
