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Can't wait. Hey, weirdos. I'm Ash. And I'm Elena.
And this is 2019 Morbid. Whoa! It's officially a brand new year.
It's a brand new day. Did you just mash two things together?
I think I did, totally. Because it sounded like Aladdin, A Whole New World.
It's a beautiful day! That's what I was doing, but I made it up.
But you put it in the tune of A Whole New World, I think. yeah no that's exactly what i did see we are one um we can't talk about ourselves this episode at all though Did you read the review where it said that we talk about ourselves too much?
Oh no, I didn't read that one. I just laughed at it, actually, because it literally, I think they rated us one star and wrote really bad.
And then their description was, these two girls just talk about themselves the whole time and think that they have witty banter, but they're not funny. and i was just like oh who knew sorry for offending you eat my butt eat my butt You know what the best thing is to do whenever I find a one star review that's like nasty like that?
Like, no, it's just like you talk about yourself and I hate you and you're not funny.
I just go and look at my favorite podcasts' one-star reviews and I'm like, we're okay.
Yeah, I just like laugh at most of them unless they're like actually hurtful.
That one wasn't. Yeah, like the one that called us thoughts.
I wasn't really a big fan of. No. So yeah, that's a good... Well, we won't talk about ourselves.
Let's stop talking about ourselves. Let's talk about our Patreons.
Because they're the best. Yeah. All right.
So in the window latching coven this week, we have Nadja Siebenberger.
That is an amazing name. I am so sorry if I said your name wrong and I really hope I didn't because I practiced.
It's true, she did. How to not say your name wrong.
And it's a great name. Yeah, your first name is really cool.
Like Nadia? Nadia. I just think that sounds nice.
It just sounds beautiful. It feels good.
It does to say. It has good mouthfeel. And thank you very much, Nadia.
Thank you, Nadia. Next up is E. Lisa. Elisa.
I wanted to say something really witty there.
You's a beast-a. Elisa is a bista. Elisa is a bista.
Or the titsa. Thank you so much, Elisa. Next up, we have Anne Ferguson.
Anne. I love the last name Ferguson. That is a great last name.
Like, uh. That's a great... In fact, one of my friends from high school, we used to call each other...
I don't know where this came from, but she called me Ferguson and I called her Cornelius and I don't really know why.
We call Annie's dog Turd Ferguson because that's from SNL.
Yep. Yep, it is. Turd Ferguson. So that holds a special place in both our hearts.
So thanks, Anne. Yeah, thank you, Anne.
Also, okay, so we have two Karens, and they both spell their name K-A-R-Y-N, which I've never seen before.
That's intriguing. And I think it's so pretty.
So first Karen is Karen Watton. Thank you, Karen Watton.
And fucking awesome way to spell your name.
I know, that's rad. And the other one is Karen Washington.
Thank you, Karen. Wow, so they're both Karen W's.
I just fucking realized that. This is weird.
It's like Kismet. Eat my butt. Next up is Jen Pothering.
Jen Pothering. You are not bothering us, Jen Pothering.
You are Pothering us, which is positive.
Fuck yeah. Alliteration. In the evil onions category, we have solo James Nacelle.
James Nacelle. Thank you, James. Or Niesel.
Or Niesel. I think it's Niesel. Niesel. Let us know.
Either way, thank you, James. Oh my gosh, yes.
Thank you so much. And then in the jagged little bitch category, we have Falcian.
Is that how I say that? Falcian? I believe so.
That's also a really cool name. cool name wicked cool name and a madonna thank you so much falcian thank you you guys are the best You guys are the tits.
You guys are starting off 2019 right with a bang.
Yeah, yeah. Bang, bang. And I'm so excited to give you all kinds of things.
Here you go. Take it. And again, that P.O.
Box is happening. someday we've got we've got a list like we've made our resolutions for 2019 it's like a long scroll yeah most of them include you guys Everyone listening right now, most of our resolutions are based on you.
So know that you're going to be reaping the benefits.
We should, like, make a post and have everybody comment what their resolution is.
We should. That's fun. If you made one. Yeah.
Mine is to complain less. Oh, that's a good one.
I complain so much. Like, I don't wanna.
I don't wanna. That's a good one. I don't like that.
Because that's attainable. It's good to have an attainable resolution.
And it makes you accountable. It does. It really does.
And see, my resolution is to declutter my life.
Just get rid of shit. And I also want to finish my book.
That you're writing? Yes. I want to finish that.
That's dope. I also want to start going to the gym because I've been getting hefty.
See, I'm not even going to want to go to the gym.
I think I just want to give myself time during the day to do a yoga practice or something or do something.
I'm not even going to say I'm going to go to the gym because I'm not going to.
Well, I paid for a gym membership like a month ago and I haven't gone once.
I paid for one all last year and I did not go once. oh i'm so glad yeah you know what though so don't worry we're talking about ourselves we are shit fuck don't give us a one-star review So fairies part two bitches with your girl Ash.
We are finally here. Coming at you hot. To bring you back to the land of fairies.
I just felt like Sasha from Urban Legend.
You kind of sounded like her. I want my own radio show.
That's another thing. We're gonna have to...
Book a live show? Do another bonus. Well, yeah, we're definitely going to do that.
So everybody make sure that happens because we definitely want to do a live show.
We need to do another bonus episode soon.
Yeah. And I think we want to do like House of a Thousand Corpses.
We got to do these. We have to do it. So that's.
I thought I stopped fucking hearing Elena say house of a thousand corpses.
Exactly. Just let me watch it so that I stop hearing you tell me that I need to watch it.
We'll watch it. I love you. On one of our sleepover nights, we'll watch it.
Sleepover. Sleepover. Sleepover. Sleepover.
Okay, this is a mini episode, so let's shut the fuck up and get into fairies.
Yeah, we're gonna get right into it. So, banshees are my first fairy.
I love banshees. Yeah, they screamin'. Yeah.
They be loud. They be loud. So according to Irish legend, banshees are fairies that scream really fucking loudly. and i would say that's moderately obnoxious but to be honest i'm really scared of them so i never said that yeah they're terrifying yeah don't tell them i said that don't tell those banshees It said that if you hear the scream of a banshee, you, sir, are about to die.
Ooh. Yeah, RIP. Man, that's bad news all around.
It really is. According to an article that I read on CelticWeddingRings.org, Which had nothing to do with wedding rings.
But whatever. So I was confused, but it had a lot of info.
But we'll go with it. Banshees can appear in the form of a really beautiful woman wearing a long draping dress.
Always. A pale woman. same with long silver hair or excuse me a long silver dress to match her silver hair a headless woman holding a blood-filled bowl Those are two very different things.
Homegirl is naked from the waist up. Oh, so just tits out?
Rock and roll. Holding a head in the bowl naked from the waist up.
That's the most metal shit I've ever heard.
That's like five finger death punch. That's what that is.
That's a great album cover. And I bet fairies, excuse me, banshees listen to five finger death punch because why wouldn't they?
Oh, Of course they would. Yes. Because they hold their heads in bowls and are naked from the waist up.
Yeah. So are they still screaming if the head isn't?
So is the bowl, the head bowl, the bowl head just screaming?
I think it's up to interpretation. Woof.
Or is the neck hole screaming? There's so many ways this could happen.
Well, yeah, because technically your vocal cords... What if both are screaming?
Oh, Jesus. Like, I'm just picturing a neck screaming.
That's not okay. That's not all right. Also, she could appear as an old woman with scary ass red eyes wearing a dream dress because Merry Christmas.
Oh, green dress. I think you said dream dress.
I might have. Dream dress. I meant to say green dress.
Either way. And she has white hair too, or silver.
And then the last way they can appear is as an old woman.
Dressed in all black. Hello, future us. I was just gonna say.
With long gray hair and a veil covering her face.
All right. So, moral of the story is that if you see an old scary woman with a dress, you're fucked.
And if you see a pretty woman with long, light hair...
You're extra fucked. Yes. And if you see a woman with her tits out holding a bowl with her head in it that's screaming at you... Rock and roll, bitch.
I mean, just... That's what you do. That's what happens.
That's just what happens. Rock and roll the fuck out of there.
Involuntarily, that's what happens. So the origin of the Banshee comes from women called Keeners who used to sing sad songs to express their grief over someone's death.
Aww. but they would take alcohol as payment for their singing.
And that was considered sinful. Because they're Irish.
But I would do that too. So the punishment for their sin is that they were doomed to become banshees.
Oh, wow. Which I don't know who decides that.
There must be some really square dude that's deciding that.
Yeah, some, like, dick. Or just, like... some like mad ass lady that got cheated on i feel yeah some scorned woman yeah scorned lady yeah But a side note, there are some chill banshees that just like sing a haunting song about how much they love a family member. and how they're like concerned about them but typically whoever hears that song ends up dead after a few days of hearing the singing Well, that's kind of a bummer.
Yeah. Like at first you're like, this is chill.
Yeah. And then it gets rough. Yeah. So like one of your family members passes away and then you start to hear them singing.
And you're like, well, shit. You're probably about to die.
Man. So. That's rough. Rock and roll for the next few days.
Yeah, just live it up, man. So yeah, some Irish myths say that banshees are the ghosts of young girls who had suffered brutal death deaths and they appear to family members to warn them that their violent death will too come soon I don't like want to know this stuff.
I'd be like, you don't need to tell me. It's cool.
Like I don't, I don't go to like tarot card readers and be like, tell me when I'm going to die.
Yeah. I don't want that shit. Well, I mean, like, the good news is that if you see a banshee, it's not like you're gonna die right then and there.
But the bad news is that like you're going to die at some point shortly after that.
That's the thing. It's like, you know, it's like. it's coming so like rip so that wouldn't be cool but then again it would also allow you to live it up for a little while you just don't even know how long though I know.
Cause then it's like 10 years down the line, you're still like partying.
And at that point you probably just killed yourself from all the partying.
So yeah. Wow. Banshees. Banshees. Banshees.
Next up is Utbirds. Ooh, I've heard of these.
Yeah, they're also known as mirings. Ooh.
Or mirings. Mirings. So this fairy comes from Scandinavia.
Yeah. Scandinavia. Which, where's Scandinavia?
You know. You know. You know we're Scandinavian.
Oh, I was saying, do you know? Someone write in and tell Ash we're Scandinavians.
Thank you. It's said to be the spirit of a child who was abandoned by its parents who either couldn't take care of it or didn't want it.
Well, that's just, like, gnarly. I don't like that.
Yeah, like, if you don't want a kid, don't have one.
Yeah, I mean, that's a really good first step.
I will say back then, like, probably not much birth control up in the world.
You couldn't just throw, like, a NuvaRing. maybe try like some other muffins yeah like maybe just don't you know you know don't don't we're not gonna paint a picture don't don't do it yucky bye don't do it guys i've never heard that before spray and pray no fuck that i mean nobody should do it that's not effective But the word upward means that which is outside.
So because these children were like pretty much just left to die and they weren't cared about.
So sad. Yeah. So they were left without like any kind of burial or anything like that.
Oh, man. So obviously they came back super pissed about that.
Yeah. And they came back in the form of ghost like fairies.
I mean, that's pretty rad. So normally they have a really shitty life.
I mean, yeah, like might as well come back as a hateful fairy.
I feel like that's just like a ghost though.
This one is just kind of like a ghost. I would want to be known.
Like if I had like a really shitty life and death like that, I'd be like, I'm coming back as a vengeful fairy.
Yeah. I feel like you just, that's the box you check when you're, like, checking into heaven or you can, like, remain in the afterlife, like, just walking about.
I'd be like... Ghost, Banshee, Hateful Fairy, Chick.
Hateful Fairy all the way. Yeah. So they typically reside in the woods or in super remote areas because that's pretty much just like where they were left to die.
Oh, my God. Um, so if a passerby is, it really is.
So like somebody like passing by, like. maybe like on a hike or something in the woods um which is their first mistake yeah don't go in the woods yeah Like don't do it.
That's what my favorite murder taught us.
Yeah. Stay out of the woods. Stay out of the woods.
But if they're like hiking or something, which like don't do that.
The upbirds will jump onto the person's back and demand.
This is sad, though. Demand to be taken to a proper grave.
That's all they want. Oh my god. Can you imagine that for one second?
Don't jump on my back because like, yo, you scared me.
Some hateful fairy jumping on your back being like, take me to a fucking proper grave. great and i feel like they say it like this take me to a grave that's exactly how they say it take me right now take me right now That's how they say it.
They have crazy weird accents that are unidentifiable.
Yeah, I don't know what they are because I don't know where Scandinavia is. either way i'd be like i don't know where one is yeah so obviously if you're fucking in the woods and somebody jumps on you you're gonna do what they say for sure So, I don't know, maybe that's just me.
No way, I'm with you. If the person complies and takes them to the grave, they get heavier and heavier as they're like on the journey because they're on the person's back.
So people say this happens because the closer to the grave they get, the more human they become.
I'm terrified right now. It's fucked up.
This whole thing is messing with my brain.
And then some people say that as the victim of an up bird travels with the up bird on their back, it slowly sucks the life out of them. causing them to become weak and sink into the ground, which then becomes the upbird's grave.
Hate that. Yeah. Hate that. Moral of this story?
That's a whole mountain of nope. Just don't abandon your kids.
Yeah, don't do it. We won't have up birds if you don't abandon your kids.
Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't.
So yeah. Holy shit. That one is heavy. That one just gave me lots of feelings.
It's literally heavy. Well, because you have kids.
That's just like, can't. That's intense.
Take me to a grave. Take me to a grave. Next up, Berberocas.
Ooh. Don't know. Those sound fun. These are fairies slash ogres, as in Shrek.
Love it already. Don't care. Don't care.
They're super chill and really just enjoy changing in size and eating humans alive as snacks.
Love it. So I don't really see the problem.
I think they sound great. These are actually like a really quick one.
They originated in Apayo, which is located in the Philippines. all right and i'm not sure if i'm saying that properly but you know guys i fucking try we give it our best so the people in a pile believe that berberocas will lay in a body of water And suck up all the water so that fish are just like flapping around everywhere.
Also, I don't know how the person just like traveling doesn't notice that There was like this giant fucking thing full of water.
This huge ogre that's just like... like you know like those puffer fish thing yes like they just look like that but times 60 million oh my damn So the people get excited that all these like good for eating and selling fish are just laying all about.
I mean, that's what I would think immediately.
So the town people come fucking running like it's a pot of gold.
Yeah, this is fucking. and that's when the berberuca drowns them by letting all the water come back out so he's just like Or he's just like, like that.
And then they drown. And then... Like, I'm sad people are drowning and shit, but, like... If you picture it, it's really funny, but, like, also fucked.
But so after they drown... The Berberoka swallows them whole.
So they die and then they get swallowed whole.
Then they get eaten. Wow. Yay! Wow, Berberoka. and um damn thing so i guess they're kind of similar i read to the greek legend of the Naid, which is a female spirit who also just chills in the water and fucks with people.
Cool. There's a lot of really scary water fairies.
Yeah. I only found one thing about how to ward them off.
And it said the same thing everywhere. It had no backstory to why this works.
It's going to be something weird as fuck.
They're afraid of crabs. I mean, same. So that's the only way to defeat them because they don't fucks with crabs.
They do not fucks with crabs. Which like me either.
I was going to say, I don't either. So that's something we have in common.
And I feel like when you have common ground, yeah, you can get along.
Okay, I don't know if I dreamt this as a little kid, but I swear I remember it so vividly that it had to have happened.
Yeah. I was on the beach with my mom and her friend.
Mom, like if you're listening, hit me up.
Hit me up. And all of a sudden the tide like went out.
And like 50 million fucking crabs started coming up onto the beach.
Maybe. The beach was covered in crabs. Like, that's definitely possible.
And I don't know if I dreamt that or if it really fucking happened.
Either way, that's terrible. And I gotta know.
Because I have random flashbacks. And I gotta know.
I gotta know. Do you ever have those things where, like, you're like... was that real or like i know this isn't real but i had this weird like it must have been a dream when i was little that we went out on the front lawn like me and my dad and we looked up and all of the planets were like completely visible.
It didn't happen. But I remember it being so vivid that I was like, Why is that like sticking in my brain and why is it so vivid, that image?
Like I can still see it. I can see it exactly how I saw it in the memes.
Remember when the shed was in the backyard?
Yeah. I like always had memories of like these two like scary cartoon character guys. making me go into the shed and like they were really mean.
I literally hate that. Isn't that so scary?
I hate that. hate that yeah and like i was always like really afraid of them really glad that shed is gone but like i had to go in the shed That's awful.
Isn't that really scary? I'm upset about it.
And then one time, this woman just like floated out of the coffee table and was like screaming at me in one of my... I don't know if it happened.
I think it was a dream. Okay, that one I kind of love.
She was real scurry. And then I used to, I'm really going off on a tangent, so don't edit this out. no don't it's like crazy I need to know if I'm crazy is any therapist listening there used to be somebody under your dresser That would, like, yell at me in the middle of the night.
That would yell at you? Like, if I would get, like, close to the dresser, they'd be like, get out of here!
Get away from the dresser! Oh, God. Yeah.
That just gave me the heebs. I hate it. And one time I, this actually happened.
I saw a ghost in our room. Oh yeah, I remember you telling me that.
Yeah. But I gotta continue with the fairies.
I'll save that story for another day. Because I'm still reeling from the dresser thing.
I don't even know how I got onto that tangent.
I don't either. All that shit happened. It wasn't a dream.
I loved it. Definitely not the crabs. I think that really did happen.
The crabs, I think, happened. Yeah. Planets didn't.
Yeah. Another cool thing about berberocas is that the water created from their stomachs will allow whoever drinks it to see the future.
Oh, shit. Supposedly. But it's, like, backwash times a thousand.
And it probably has, like, the molecules of, like, dead people in it.
Yeah. Yeah, that's some heebies. I mean, if you want to see the future.
You gotta put in the work. It's true. You can't just get that shit.
Next is the Calacantazario. Wow. Also known as the Chicken Riders.
I like that. Way better. um so it sounds goofy but if you actually stop to think about it like a little like tiny fairy just running around with under a chicken or over a chicken That's hilarious.
I think it's still funny. I don't really like chickens.
Or roosters. I have a weird fear of roosters.
I don't like chickens. Because I remember reading that Junie B. Jones book.
I'm really going off on tangents here. You can write this one out.
But I remember reading that book and Junie B. Jones said that a rooster could peck you into a nub.
Whoa. Yeah, that stayed with me. I don't know who fucks with that.
Yeah, so I've always been afraid of roosters.
But anyway. These fairies originate from Greece and Italy, and for most of the year they live underground, but during the 12 days of Christmas, which is December 25th through January 6th, They hang out on Earth.
So they're still chilling right now. Oh, shit.
So during the ancient Greek holiday, Sicaea?
Sicaea? Sounds good. Yeah. It is said that Zeus defeated the Titans in Kronos, but it is also rumored that while all of that was happening...
The Calacantazario went around destroying the city for 12 days and stealing the souls of newborn babies.
Same. I can actually picture you doing that, so I'm alarmed.
So yeah, like legit baby souls. Damn. It's also rumored that any baby born during the 12 days on which the Cala Cantazori roamed the earth That they'd be in great danger of actually transforming into a Calicantazori.
Oh shit, I was born in that time. I know, I think I wrote something about that.
Well, I am them. Maybe I didn't. But to protect the babies, parents would cover them in bags filled of garlic. yeah and that's why i love garlic so much i mean garlic is good and they would burn logs which like the mini naked fairies didn't enjoy the fumes of Oh, also they're naked.
Did I not mention that? Yeah, they're naked.
So they're just tiny little naked fairies riding on chickens?
That's funny. I'll get into kind of what they look like right now.
Things are great. Okay. So as for appearance, they don't really fall under like the Tinkerbell fairy category.
No. Most of these do. People have conflicting ideas and descriptions of them.
So some people say that they have hairy bodies with horse legs. or boar tusks.
But then some people think that they're wicked tiny and like human-like, but they smell really bad.
And they have like a serious case of BO.
Whoa. And popular belief is that they are small black creatures that are mostly human looking other than their long black tails.
Oh. So like some people say that they're kind of like little like devils, but they're all black.
And people refer to them as little black devils.
Oh, okay. Also, they're blind. Oh. Yeah.
Oh. And they have lisps. I'm literally obsessed with these things.
Yeah, I think they sound like pretty rad.
They sound amazing. So... Along with the many ideas of their appearance, people also have like tons of different methods of protection against them.
Mm-hmm. So they say that you can leave a fire burning in your fireplace all night, which I 10 out of 10 do not recommend.
I was just going to say that will bring all kinds of other bad things happening.
Really big issues. But the idea is that they can't break into your house the way that like Santa does, like through the chimney.
And you can also throw stinky ass shoes into the fire and hope that the smell keeps them away.
But honestly, if my shoes haven't scared Annie away at this point, they're definitely not going to scare chicken riders away.
So yeah, that's pretty much them. I love the chicken riders.
They run around naked and blind on chickens, stealing the souls of newborn babies.
And just causing havoc. And if you don't want to listen to them lisp and steal your newborn baby soul, then you should burn some garlic.
And maybe not light a fire for like a whole long day, but.
I love that they have a list. They're like, I'm going to steal your soul of your new baby.
You can steal your soul if you do, baby.
Like chicken. I can't see you. I can't see you.
Next is the bannock. So the Bannock fairies originate from Slavic mythology.
And like anyone else, he enjoys a spa day.
So Bannock is just like one single dude.
Who doesn't? He typically hangs out in steam rooms.
Oh, so he's not like a community of bannocks?
No. It's like one bannock. A bannock. The bannock.
Yes, the bannock. So he hangs out in steam rooms, changing rooms, and bathhouses.
Okay. Okay. They're always male. So it's always just like one.
Oh, okay. Like they travel by themselves.
Wherever they are, there's just one of them.
So it's like one gnome. okay or like troll like a troll under a bridge sort of appears yeah and they're always male and described as an old man with long white hair and a long white beard That just sounds kind of like Santa.
Whimsical? Yeah. They're very clean looking and clean smelling and pretty human-like.
I kind of love it already. Except their hands are covered in hair and their nails are claws.
I mean, you can't have everything, I guess.
You really can't. You can't have it all.
He doesn't give it with both hands. Oh, no, he does, though.
So their schtick, like you were saying in episode one, is that they're just like horny little people.
That's amazing. That they dig spying on women while they bathe.
And they see your home as like their home.
Oh, I don't love that. No. And because of this, they have really high standards of how you're supposed to act in their home.
Oh, shit. So they despise anything religious, such as crosses. or like any holy symbol okay you must leave the third bath for them so like in the old days like one person would take a bath and another person No one can take the third bath.
Which I don't understand how that works because doesn't somebody always have to take the third bath?
Yeah, because isn't it like the same bath water?
I am confusion. Yeah. So maybe it's like you just leave some time open to let him do his thing.
He takes the third bath. And then you have to say like, I am taking the fourth bath.
You must have to do that. That's what I would do.
Who would want the third bath? I want the first bath when it's nice and piping hot.
Oh, for sure. I would want the first bath.
Well, that's your first water, man. That's the cleanest water.
By the third bath, you're not taking a bath.
You're journeying yourself more. You're sitting in soupy, like, you know, soiled water.
Yeah. Why are you even going to do it? Just live in your filth.
Yeah, fuck that. Don't live in everyone else's.
Um, yeah. So they consider that like extremely rude.
Like don't take the third bath. I'm sorry about it.
They prefer that you keep it quiet while in the bathhouse.
I mean, okay. They don't want you to curse, so we would be fucked.
Sorry about that. And you can't engage in sexy time in the bathhouse.
Oh. That's super rude. So he's a horny little thing, but he's like, no, no.
Well, he likes to watch... The ladies bathe.
But he doesn't want to watch the ladies and the mans bathe together.
He doesn't like sexy time. No sexy time.
Solo bath. Yeah, okay. If you don't follow these guidelines, the Bannock would be pretty tough on you.
Uh-oh. He would douse you in boiling hot water if you were lucky.
And if you weren't so lucky, he would legit peel your skin off.
Catherine Knight style yikes yeah um it's also said that if he takes his claws to your back and decides to scratch you that bad luck is coming your way Man, that seems like a disproportionate response.
Yeah, so, like, if you, like, had some sexy time in the bathroom... He's just gonna flay you alive.
No, yeah, I think you would take your skin off for that.
Maybe if you were like, oh crap, you would get some boiling hot water.
Or maybe just like a scratch. Yeah, but then, like, more bad luck comes with the scratch.
So I feel like I'd rather just the really hot water for a second.
Yeah, just a quick little scalding. Like...
Somebody flushed the toilet kind of thing.
They're like, shit, that's the bannock. Yeah.
Now I'm going to think about it. that every time like the bath water like the shower water gets really hot for a second because our old ass house has crazy ass water I had to take a shower after I did, like, all my research on this one, and that was my last fairy, and I was like, I'll wait till tomorrow.
Yeah, you're like, I don't really need to know what's going on here.
Damn. So the Bannock is an interesting one.
Yeah. He's multi-layered. He's pretty pissed.
Because at first you're like, what up, little old man?
And then he's like, hi, and waves his hand and he's got these crazy hairy hands with claws.
I feel like he sounds like this. Oh, shit.
Hi there. They all sound like that to you.
Take me to your grave. But it's different.
Take me to your grave. I want them to sound like, hi there.
I feel like he'd sound a little more influential.
That guy just sounds like a squid. Hi there.
I am the medic. Don't pee in my bathroom.
But because he sounds like a square. Maybe he does.
Because he's super. super like uptight.
Did you just curse? He's like, are you having sexy time?
Are you cursing? So he's like, hi there.
I'm the panic. I don't want you having sexy time in here.
I feel like that's also what the... Did you just say shit?
The chicken riders, I feel like that's what they sound like.
Can you say, did you just say shit again?
Did you just say shit? I'm sorry, if I just blew your eardrums out with my laughter.
I think we just, we manifested his voice.
I think that is his voice. I think so. Perfect.
Hopefully we don't find out. So yeah. So is that the last fairy?
That was it. That was the dark world. Of fairies.
If we come across any other ones in our travels, we'll throw a part three up there someday.
Right now, we'll get away from fairies for a little while, but that was rad.
If you guys want to request a mini-sode for next week... Yeah, because mini-sodes are like...
Pretty open and, like, pretty open. Like, it doesn't just have to be true crime.
Yeah, like, as you've seen, it can be, like, weird shit, paranormal shit.
You know. And Annie's raising her hand. Later.
She has an idea. Later, Annie. But yeah, I think that was pretty rad.
Mine was really short, but that's what a mini soda is.
I was going to say, sometimes it's nice to have a quick little mini soda.
It's just like... Bloop! To just listen to on your commute or something.
Just bust it out. There was an interesting... update in that Colorado mom and remember the last time we talked about this was a couple weeks ago and I had said we were both like We don't feel good about this.
I don't feel good about the fiance, man.
Tell me, tell me, tell me. And then as soon as we posted that episode, news came that they arrested the fiance.
Oh, shit. And everyone started messaging us and being like, oh shit, you guys are right.
And I was like, knew it. We didn't want to be right.
Did not want to be right. I didn't want her to be dead.
They still have not found it. It's Kelsey Barrett.
Her name is, and they still haven't found her.
They dug up the whole backyard and didn't find her?
Well, again, remember the cell phone pinged from like 600 miles away.
So I have a feeling she's far away. And he's being charged for first-degree murder.
They haven't found her yet, but they're already charging him with murder.
He must be charged with kidnapping. She's that far away, correct?
No, he's also charged with solicitation for murder.
What does that mean again? Three counts of that, which means he tried to hire someone to murder her.
Oh, shit. Three times? He either tried three different times with three different people or he had three different people do it.
So they're still not letting everything out, like all the details, because they still haven't found her.
Right. And I think it's like they need to... hold some stuff close to the chest for it but this dude is did some fucking fucked up shit yeah It's like really, I've been like, I'm so obsessed with this case because it's just so bizarre and it's so sad.
And that's really sad, too, for, like, they had a daughter, right?
A one-year-old. Yeah. Yeah. And the one-year-old is with her family.
Okay, that's good. Luckily now, so. Because he had custody.
He was, like, when she went missing, he took custody of her.
Which is horrifying. Yeah, that's so scary.
Yeah. But yeah, I thought that was it was it was crazy that right after we posted the episode, it was like, boom, news.
So I was like, oh. Damn. But yeah, so that's the big true crime news.
Like, here's some news. Just get divorced.
Exactly. And they weren't even married. Were they divorced?
Oh. Just break up. And from what I've read, it doesn't even look like they were together at the time.
I think she ended the engagement. oh so he's pissed off yeah so it's like like there's a lot of fish in the sea you don't gotta murder one to get to the next one he seemed like three counts of solicitation for murder you really wanted her dead i just don't understand like People have done some fucked up shit to me.
I've never wanted someone to die. And somebody you, like... are engaged to.
You had a child with them. You had a child together.
You literally created life with them. Like, that should give you some kind of bond.
You know? It's like, damn. So we'll definitely keep updating on that as it comes because holy shit.
Yeah, that's a lot. But other than that, I think that's really all we got, right?
Yeah. Other than we'll update you guys with all the new fun stuff.
Website will be coming up soon. And we'll announce that when it happens.
And the website will probably be like a nice little central area for everybody to get all the info.
We'll still post on everything, but it'll be a nice centralized area.
In the meantime, you can follow us on Instagram at... Morbid Podcast.
Follow us on Twitter... Amorbid Podcast.
Send us a message on Facebook. Morbid slash A True Crime Podcast.
Email us. Morbidpodcast at gmail.com. Donate to our Patreon if you feel so inclined.
Patreon.com slash Morbid Podcast. And I think I said everything?
Yeah, I think you got it all. Subscribe, rate, review.
If you're going to be nice. Tell all your friends.
You know, the word of mouth is how we get people to listen to us.
Everybody's been awesome with that, by the way, because people keep telling us, like, I got my whole office to listen to.
I know. So you guys have been... Fucking amazing.
Like really, thank you guys so much. Thank you for being our personal marketing team, all of you.
That's wild. Isn't it wild? Yeah. And I'm telling you.
Live show, man. Shit. 2019. We're putting it into the universe.
We're going to do our first live show in 2019.
And I'm going to shit. My pants. Shit, shit, my pants.
Here we go. So hopefully, yeah, and hopefully we'll be able to go to CrimeCon.
In Nolens. In Nolens. We're hoping we can.
I really hope so. Can't guarantee it, but we're definitely...
We're giving it our all. We're looking into it.
And we'll let you guys know when we know if we're coming or not.
Because people have mentioned that too. I want to go to New Orleans so badly.
It's on my bucket list. So it's where my book is based, the book I'm writing.
You gotta go. I gotta go. I gotta do my research.
Gotta go. Bye. Bye. But yeah, so that's all the updates, I think.
Yeah. And... Thank you for listening and we hope you keep it weird.
Keep it weird. Keep it weird. Don't say shit.
Give me a ride. my grave give me a ride to my grave clean up your shit And don't shit in the bathhouse.
And give me that third bath. And don't engage in sexy talk.
Bye. Bye. Thank you. If you like Morbid, you can listen early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts.
Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music.
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The town of Agde in France is famous for sun, sand, sea and sex.
But lately, life on the coast has taken a strange turn.
The town's mayor, a respected pillar of the community, has been arrested for corruption.
His wife claims he's been bewitched by a beautiful clairvoyant.
Then there's the mysterious phone calls that local people have been getting.
I am the Archangel Michael. The whole town has been thrown into chaos.
As the mayor is unable to carry out his duties, I would like to address you all.
Legal proceedings have been initiated. Join me, Anna Richardson, and journalist Leo Schick for The Mystic and the Mayor as we investigate a story of power, corruption, and magic.
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