February is when my I'm going to be more organized this year energy usually dips.
But one thing that's felt like a real upgrade is refreshing my kitchen with Caraway.
Even if I'm not cooking elaborate meals, which I am not, Gretchen, the tools I use matter.
I use a Caraway pan to make Jack's eggs every morning, and it makes it so much easier.
Yeah.
Caraway cookware is designed with a third-party tested non-toxic ceramic coating that's made without forever chemicals, which makes me feel good about what's in my kitchen.
And the naturally slick surface makes cleanup incredibly easy.
Over 100,000 people have rated five stars about their Caraway kitchen.
Now it's time to try it for yourself.
Caraway's cookware set is a favorite for a reason.
It can save you up to $190 versus buying the items individually.
Plus, if you visit carawayhomecom slash happier, you can take an additional 10 off your next purchase.
This deal is exclusively for our listeners, so visit carawayhome.com slash happier or use code happier at checkout.
Caraway, non-toxic kitchenware made modern.
Happier is brought to you by Progressive Insurance.
Fiscally responsible, financial geniuses, monetary magicians.
These are things people say about drivers who switch their car insurance to Progressive and save hundreds.
Because Progressive offers discounts for paying in full, owning a home, and more.
Plus, you can count on their great customer service to help you when you need it.
So your dollar goes a long way.
Visit Progressive.com to see if you could save on car insurance.
Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates.
Potential savings will vary.
Not available in all states or situations.
Hello and welcome to happier, a podcast where we talk about strategies and hacks for building happier habits into our everyday lives.
This week, we reflect on what we learned from our no spend february and we talk about a happiness stumbling block that can distort our view of the world.
I'm gretchen rubin, writer.
Studies happiness, good habits, human nature.
I'm in my little home office in New York City.
And joining me today from Los Angeles is my sister, Elizabeth Kraft.
And Elizabeth, it occurred to me that maybe we should have called it Frugal February and had a little bit of alliteration.
But I like No Spend February, too.
That's me, Elizabeth Kraft, a TV writer and producer living in L.A.
And Frugal February is definitely different from No Spend February.
That's true.
But I do love alliteration.
Yeah, No Spend is like going all the way.
Yeah.
Well, speaking of spending or not spending a few listeners have asked about, is there a way to listen to the podcast ad free?
Now we know that most listeners like to have the ads because they like to have a free listening experience.
And so we love our advertisers because they let us provide that.
But if you do want to have an ad-free version, you can subscribe.
If you subscribe to Lemonada Premium, just hit the subscribe button on Apple Podcasts or you go to LemonadaPremiumcom and you can subscribe that way.
Either way you want to listen.
We like all kinds of listening.
Absolutely.
Okay, so this week the Try This at Home suggestion is to reflect on No Spend February.
So if you did this with us or maybe you just thought about doing it with us it's worth taking a moment to think about what you learned.
It's an interesting exercise to go through, but of course it's a lot more meaningful if you think about sort of the patterns and insights that can be gained.
And if you want to do your own no-spend month, you can do it any month, obviously.
I did create a no-spend guide.
That's at happiercast.com slash no-spend.
But Alyssa, what were some of the things you didn't spend on?
Well, some items that I wanted to buy and I would have bought were some pink paper placemats, of all things, because I love them.
And some books that That I wanted to buy and I didn't.
One would be The It Girl, The Life and Legacy of Jane Birkin by Marissa Meltzer.
Because I didn't have any Audible credits available.
I had to wait for that Audible credit.
But let me ask you this, with the pink paper placement, were you entertaining?
No, that was for a future theoretical entertaining.
Okay.
And then another item.
I didn't buy Gretchen and I'm proud of myself for this one, although I may go back and get it is a new mat for playing Mahjong.
So now they have a lot of different mats you can put on your card table for Mahjong.
And some of them have directions on them like here's how you deal, or go left, go right right, which I would find extremely helpful.
So that's something I really had to like dig into no spend February in order to not buy.
Right.
Well, that's the kind of thing where, did I buy all those things when March rolled around?
Yes, I did.
Well, then you know it's something that you really wanted.
Right.
Because it's something that stayed on your mind.
I think no spend favor is really aimed at those impulse purchases, the things like if you don't buy it now, you're never going to buy it.
So just don't buy it now and then you never will.
But if it's something that you really want, you really want to get more into Mahjong.
It's a high priority for you.
So that would be a good place to spend your money.
Yes.
So how about you, Gretch?
What did you not buy?
Okay, well, I had a long list.
Okay.
You know how I love sticker books.
I love sticker books and I have many sticker books, far more sticker books than any person needs, certainly any more than any adult needs.
But one of my favorites is the John Darien sticker book and I saw that he has volume two John Darien two.
And so I really wanted that, but I did not buy it.
Our mother was visiting and she used our lint brush and she said, you need a new lint brush.
And I was like, okay, I'll put it on the list, but I'm not buying it yet.
I want a size five watercolor paintbrush.
I have so many sizes, but I'm like, I really want the size five.
I want to get a new plastic container for dog food.
I like to have a big pad of paper when I do my look back, look forward exercise or if, like some, member of my family is making a big decision.
I get out my markers and my big pad of paper.
I need a new big pad of paper because I'm almost done with the one that I have.
So Gretchen, how big is it?
It's like 12 by 9 or whatever it is.
It's like two sizes bigger than letter size.
Got it.
And then there's several books.
Here are some of the books that I did not buy.
I wanted to buy Dylan Thomas's A Child's Christmas in Wales.
We talked about this as a same-day book, and it made me realize I really want to get that book.
I love Diana Wynne-Jones and I have a new friend, a new member of my children's literature reading group, and she told me about a Diana Wynne-Jones book called Time of the Ghost, which I haven't read yet.
I really want to read that.
I love ghosts.
And then I love Narnia.
And on an episode of the podcast Backlisted they had the author, Rowan Williams, who was very, very interesting, talking about CS.
Lewis.
And I really want to read his book called Lion's World Journey into the Heart of Narnia, which is about the Narnia books.
So I resisted buying all those things.
I will definitely buy my Mahjong mat.
I'm not sure about the pink paper placemats yet.
Yeah.
It's a maybe.
Yeah.
Well, what did you break?
Is there anything where you're like, okay, I violated No Spend February?
Absolutely.
And Gretchen, I don't think it's going to be a surprise to listeners that my biggest area of sin was ordering food to be delivered.
Absolutely.
So did I order it much less?
Yes.
Was I more mindful?
Yes.
However, several times I did order dinner.
Yeah.
And are there any patterns that you notice?
Is there anything that you've gleaned from that?
Just that we don't have like a solid alternate plan for nightly dinners.
And so therefore we end up ordering.
Right.
So it's kind of a bigger issue.
Yeah.
I was thinking that I would rise to the occasion and every day I would go to the grocery store and at least get you know like a couple of grilled chicken breasts or whatnot, and But I didn't.
So it's about planning.
I did make frozen pizzas and pasta several times more than I would have normally, whether that's good or bad.
It's not ordering food.
So it's kind of a bigger issue and it's one that is... overwhelming to think about.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I think I put this on the list of things that it's okay that I got.
Like I bought movie tickets for, you know, Adam and I went to I pick for our Valentine's day date.
Okay.
Yeah.
I bought tickets to an escape room, but again, that was with friends.
So I feel like you and I kind of said, we're going to spend money on events with friends or family.
Yes.
So really for me, It was the ordering food, as I knew it would be.
You said it would be.
Yes, you did.
Yes, you did.
Gretch, what about you?
What did you break your rule with?
Well, I'm sure there were several.
The one that springs to mind the most, where I was really like it is no, spend February and I am just going to flat out break the rule and go ahead and buy.
This thing which I could easily not buy ever, or certainly not in February, is the Preppy Handbook.
Okay.
The Preppy Handbook... decades ago was this hugely popular book.
It's written like a user's manual about how to have like a preppy lifestyle.
And my daughter, Eliza asked for this for Christmas and it's out of print.
I bought it for her.
It's like much more expensive than if you could buy it new.
And when I gave it to her I realized like wow, I don't have a copy of this book and I desperately want one.
And this book was incredibly influential to me.
I love it. a user's guide, and I love a twist on a user's guide.
I love something like the screw tape letters or a modest proposal coup d'etat, a practical handbook, books that are like twists on user's manual.
And that's the thing about the preppy handbook is it's sort of a satire, but it's also sort of serious.
And it's very imaginative in how it uses photographs and illustrations and just its presentation.
It's a really brilliant book, and it was also extremely influential to me.
When I wrote my book, Power, Money, Fame, Sex, I was absolutely inspired by the Preppy Handbook.
And I just thought...
I thought I had a copy of it.
I remember your copy, Gretch.
I distinctly remember your copy.
I wonder if it's just floating somewhere in our apartment.
It's just not in the right place.
So I can't find it because I know I had one for years.
So I was just like, you know what?
I just want to get my hands on this.
But it's funny.
I talked to somebody in publishing who's associated with the original publisher and I was like you know, this book is out of print.
Like, people are buying it used for really good prices.
And she was like, oh, very interesting.
I'm going to explore that.
So I was like, maybe we'll bring the preppy handbook back.
But I just was like, I am just going to break the rule and buy it.
You had to have it.
I just decided I had to have it.
What other patterns would you say you notice?
Gretch, one thing I did notice and I talked to you about this before that I did save a lot of time not scrolling sales.
Now one sale in particular Gretch Saks Off 5th, which is a sort of discount branch of Saks.
They're closing their stores.
So they are having enormous sales, like up to 75% off.
Mm-hmm.
And normally I would have spent hours just perusing whether I bought anything or not.
I would peruse for a long, long time.
And I didn't because I said, well, I can't buy anything.
So I'm not going to go down this rabbit hole.
So I did save time just being able to just go on past various sales.
So was it hard not to look?
Yes.
And it's not like I didn't look at all if I really wanted to.
I did.
It's just that knowing that I absolutely couldn't buy anything lessened my desire to actually spend time doing that.
Even though I often, again, don't buy anything anyway, I could, so I look.
Right.
How about you?
Well, it's funny that you say that you save time, because I think that's the thing that's surprising about No Spend February is that it saves time.
You know that it's going to save money, but it also saves time.
Well, first of all, I decided that we don't actually need it, so I didn't buy it anyway, so I just crossed it off the list.
So that's like best possible solution, which is realizing, oh, we don't actually need it.
But even in the moment where I was thinking that we wanted it, a plastic container is one of those things where like, how big does it need to be?
How small does it need to be so that it fits on the shelf?
What kind of lid does it have?
Does it need to snap?
Does it need to have this gizmo?
Should it have wheels?
Like there's so many decisions.
Some people, I think, really enjoy that kind of thinking.
I do not.
I felt relief just being like, oh, I'll just put this down as something to buy in March.
And it was just nice to know like, oh, I don't have to worry about that yet.
And then I was like, I'm not going to worry about it at all and just crossed it off the list.
So it's the saving time that's surprising.
Yes.
And I think with most items, people find they don't actually need them.
Like, oh, I didn't need that t-shirt.
I didn't need that extra pair of jeans or the new pedicure kit.
Yeah.
Well, let us know if you did try this, how No Spend February worked for you.
What did you learn?
What did you observe?
What did you not spend on?
Let us know on Instagram, Threads, TikTok, Facebook.
Drop us an email at podcast at gretchenrubin.com.
As always, you can go to the show notes.
This is happiercast.com slash 576.
Coming up, we've got a happiness hack that is also a secret of adulthood.
But first, this break.
This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. people's wellbeing.
They often carry the invisible load, the planning, the caretaking, the remembering, and that can get heavy.
Therapy can be a space to put some of that down, to set boundaries and focus on your own wellbeing for a change.
BetterHelp has more than 30000 therapists who are fully licensed to the US and follow a strict code of conduct.
You fill out a short questionnaire and they match you based on your needs and preferences.
And if it's not the right fit, you can switch at any time.
Your emotional well-being matters.
Find support and feel lighter in therapy.
Sign up and get 10% off at betterhelp.com slash Gretchen Rubin.
That's betterhelp.com slash Gretchen Rubin.
This podcast is sponsored by Daily Look, the number one highest rated premium personal styling service for women.
I hit January and immediately wanted to upgrade everything, including my closet.
But do I actually have time to go shopping?
No, that's why I love Daily Look.
You get your own personalized dedicated stylist to curate a box based on your body shape, preferences and lifestyle.
It's not an algorithm.
It's a personal, real stylist.
And you get the same stylist every time.
You can try on up to 12 premium pieces at home.
Keep what you love, send back the rest, and there's free shipping both ways.
It saves so much time.
I wore Daily Look jeans to a live event last month and two people stopped to ask me where they came from.
My stylist absolutely nailed it.
It's time to get your own personal stylist with Daily Look.
Head to dailylook.com to take your style quiz and use code HAPPIER for 50% off your first order.
Once again, that's dailylookcom for 50 off, and make sure you use our promo code HAPPIER, so they know we sent you.
One last time, dailylook.com and promo code HAPPIER.
It's time to take care of you.
Who better to help you do that than the top voices in well-being on Audible?
You can level up your parenting, career, finances, sleep, relationships, or mindset.
Gretchen, you know how much I love audiobooks.
I am the biggest audiobook fan.
Recently I listened to the book We Might Just Make It After All, My Best Friendship with Kate Spade by Elise Ahrens, which I found so inspiring in terms of building my career with Sarah.
You know, I love a book about business.
You can hear the latest from bestselling authors Brene Brown and Jay Shetty.
Master nutrition with chef Jamie Oliver.
Hear nature, sleep sounds from the sleeping world.
Or get on top of your finances with Rachel Rogers.
Kickstart your well-being journey with your first audiobook free when you sign up for a free 30-day trial at audiblecom.
Slash happier.
Membership is $14.95 a month after 30 days.
Cancel any time.
Audible.
There's more to imagine when you listen.
Okay, Gretchen, we're back with this week's happiness hack.
And this week we have a secret of adulthood as our hack.
Yes, and so this is something somebody said to me.
It's kind of an edited version of something that somebody observed to me.
I was at lunch with people like a book person and we were talking about agents and editors and sort of all the people in the book world and we were talking about navigating professional relationships and friendships, because this is something that comes up a lot for all of us, which is you become friends with people that you work with and sometimes that's great and sometimes that can lead to trouble.
And essentially the secret of adulthood that I took away is you can become friends with your editor, but don't have a friend become your editor.
And I think this might be true with a lot of work relationships or different kinds of relationships.
They're like, once you enter into it with a stranger, then you can make friends.
But if you're already friends, maybe you don't want to layer in this complicated layer of.
I thought that was very clarifying.
What do you think of that?
Yes, I think that's a really good thing to consider most of the time.
I think that's one reason why weak ties are so important with networking, because it's much easier to have a boss who is a weak tie than a friend.
And I think most people don't want to hire their friends because they don't want to be in the position of potentially having to fire their friends.
So it's definitely, if possible, a good thing to live by.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I thought that was very clarifying.
All right, Gretch, what is our happiness stumbling block this week?
So this is something that I've noticed, and I did a little poking around.
So take my investigations for what it's worth.
I am certainly no expert, but I thought that this was worth flagging for people.
Okay, so you know I'm writing this book about the empty nest period of life.
So one of the things that I'm interested in is how do people talk about it?
What are the challenges that they're facing?
And so I will often look at things like Facebook groups.
And I look at, you know, there's Empty Nesters 101 and Grown and Flown.
And there's many different groups where people are talking about this.
And it's very interesting and the people are very sincere.
And it's like all those kinds of groups.
It's interesting.
Okay.
But I started noticing something strange.
A couple of times, people had fact patterns that were strikingly similar.
I was like, huh, well, is this some kind of trend that's sweeping the world?
Probably not.
And then I was noticing that they had this very particular writing style.
And it's kind of hard to describe, but it's just a writing style.
That's not, I would say not natural.
Just in my experience, it's not natural.
It's the kind of thing that read like what I thought it was at first when I saw this kind of writing was this is a person who has a blog or a sub stack and they're just copying and pasting something that they've written out as like a blog post or like a mini essay and they're just putting it into this Facebook group.
It just had a different tone.
But this just kept happening over and over.
And you know what I thought it might be, because this is what we always think today, which is, is this AI?
But my question was, why do it?
What is the game?
Why would somebody bother to do this?
Like, why would you ask AI to make up a story for you and then put it into Facebook?
So I did some research.
There are many reasons to do this.
So let me tell you why this might happen and just tell people to be alert for this.
Independent bot operators use AI-generated stories because of a downstream payoff.
So it's not that they're getting something from you right away.
It happens down the road.
So one of it is they are what's doing account farming.
So they create accounts or acquire accounts, but they want it to seem like a real person.
So they have emotionally engaging stories so that they get likes and comments.
And it looks like people trust them, like people engage with them just like they're a real person.
That's much more valuable.
So an account that looks like it's human and active is much more valuable than just like a made up empty shell of an account.
Of course.
Of course.
They're aged, and so they're much, much more valuable.
And then that's where the payoff comes.
They're used for scam operations, spam networks, affiliate marketing, political or commercial manipulation.
This activity makes the accounts look real so people think that it's a real person.
They also will be priming a group for a scam later on.
So the story itself, like the thing that I'm like, this story seems fake to me.
That's not the scam.
So there's like this heartfelt story, like my daughter's gone.
I don't know who I am anymore.
But then people start thinking like, oh, I know this person.
They're familiar.
They're sympathetic.
Then they show up again.
But now it's like...
I need money.
Or it's like, oh, I had this life changing product that solved my problem for me.
Or can I DM you privately?
Right.
And it turns out that groups that are built on vulnerability are especially valuable, which is very dark.
Hmm.
But very true.
And then sometimes it's like we're all it's about affiliate marketing and a kind of indirect way of advertising, because we're all on the lookout for actual ads.
You know, listen, you and I do this all the time.
We're constantly saying, oh, buy a bandolier.
We love it.
Oh, buy the English Understand wall.
It's the greatest book of all time.
And people are like, oh, that's a sincere recommendation.
I trust it because this person that I trust is telling me.
So when there are personal stories, it lowers skepticism.
So they use indirect storytelling rather than group norms.
And then sometimes it's just data harvesting.
Engagement is data.
They're learning what works, what makes people like, what makes people comment.
You can use it to target further scams.
You can use it for advertising.
There's just like a lot of data there.
So this kind of engagement is very valuable.
And so why are they targeting these types of groups?
Well, it turns out that group that are kind of in the same life stage are really good for this kind of thing.
The themes are very predictable.
Like, you know, what are they going to be talking about?
These are the 10 things they're going to be talking about that they're going to want to engage on.
There's very strong and fast engagement.
There's a lot of emotion involved.
It's kind of trusting, right?
People come into these groups because they trust that these are other people who are sincerely going through a similar situation.
There's a lot of commenting.
So that's really good because that's what they want is to see people comment and engage.
You can have long personal posts and that's just very normal.
A lot of people real people make very long posts and they're very poorly moderated as they get bigger.
And so it's just like a really good place to do that kind of thing.
Wow.
Okay.
So what are some tells if it is a bot or AI?
Yes.
And once you know what to look for, you really can tell.
And I want to say the fact that you're like, once you're looking for it, you know it's AI that's going to change, because AI is getting so good, so fast.
But right now, these are some things that you can look for.
These are the kind of things that I... noticed without being able to quite put my finger on.
But then once it was spelled out, I could see what it is.
Part of it is they're very unspecific.
They're kind of very polished.
But real people put in a lot of details and a lot of kind of extraneous details.
Like, I don't need to know that you just moved here two years ago.
But like real people, they talk about the age of people.
They talk about where they live.
They talk about like last fall, two years ago.
They'll tell you a concrete scene, like we were in her bedroom and she said, they're messy.
You know, they're messy and they're concrete and AI posts tend to be more abstract.
They often have the self-helpy tone.
It's like you're reading a self-help book, or like it's a lot of phrases, like it's a journey, or you know I'm holding space for this.
Now, people do this too, but usually they're also contradicting themselves.
They're expressing irritation.
They're trying to be funny.
Whereas these are like, It's very polished.
And there's like an arc.
It's sad.
It's so sad.
Now I'm having an insight.
Now there's a question.
Am I alone?
Are you with me?
Usually with these, you know, just real people are just messier.
There's complicating factors.
Spouses disagree.
People are resentful.
There's envy.
There's just like a lot more going on.
It's not a story where all of the edges have been smoothed off.
That makes sense.
And so if you're looking at something and it's like okay, this is kind of embarrassing and messy and like all over the place, that feels very human.
When it's kind of like very polished and sort of exemplary and perfected.
That's kind of a tell that it's AI.
And also there's a lot of paragraphs.
Yeah.
So Gretchen, what is the deeper problem here?
Why is this a big deal?
The reason why I bring this up as a happiness stumbling block and why I think it's really a big deal is I think it can distort our perception of the world.
And I know this just from looking at these little groups.
I'm just going to speak from my own observation and kind of like the way that I've been affected is part of the reason that we go to groups like this is that we want to get a sense of what is the world like.
What are other people experiencing?
Is what I feel normal?
How do other people respond to this kind of challenge?
And so it's very helpful for that if it's a sincere view of the world.
The problem with these stories is they are meant to be extremely emotional and upsetting.
They are the worst thing.
You know they're like my daughter was almost sexually trafficked and my son was almost beat up, or his car ran up the road and if I hadn't been location tracking him, he never would have been found and he would have been frozen to death in a snowbank.
You think, oh my gosh, this is so terrible.
But when you see them over and over, you start thinking, well, this is very common.
Like, this is a real issue.
Kids aren't safe.
And of course, there are things that we all need to be cautious about.
Right.
But I do think if you keep reading over and over about like, oh, my daughter refuses to talk to me.
My son is super rude to me.
You're like, oh, this is how the world is now.
But these are fake.
They're trying to get you to engage.
They know this is the kind of thing that's going to catch your attention and keep you reading and having you comment.
And it knows if it's just got your attention reading it.
And so I think it starts to distort our perception of the world, because problems start to feel very, very common.
Yeah.
It's just that someone has figured out that it's clickbait, and so it just keeps feeding it to us over and over.
And so that's why I worry about it, for myself and for other people, because I'm thinking well, this isn't serving its purpose, which is sort of giving me access to a group like me that I can reach out with and connect with and talk things over with, because someone is trying to get in there and really get in my head.
So now I'm much more cautious when I go into groups like that, because I think well, some of these people are real, but some of these stories are not real.
So I want to use that filter.
Well, I'm going to start putting my eye on this in our Facebook group, the Happier in Hollywood Facebook group, because we have so much activity.
I think the vast, vast, vast majority is real groups.
But I do want to keep an eye out for this.
Yes.
Because I don't want it tainted by AI bots.
Yeah.
If you look at a profile but they don't have any candid images, if they don't have very many images, if it kind of looks curated, if it's very clean but there's not that much there, or if it's an old account that's then suddenly active.
Those are some ways.
But yeah, it's something to be aware of.
Yes.
That is a big happiness stumbling block.
All right, Gretch, coming up, I give myself an unsurprising demerit.
But first, this break.
We've both tried a lot of protein bars over the years, and most of them feel like a compromise.
Either they're high in calories, packed with sugar, or they just don't keep us full.
But that's why I am genuinely excited to find David.
David's Hero Gold Line delivers 28 grams of protein, 150 calories, and zero grams of sugar.
That's 75 calories from protein, which is the highest protein to calorie ratio of any leading bar on the market.
I usually reach for the chocolate chip cookie dough or salted peanut butter.
The texture is indulgent and doughy, with little chunks and airy crisps that make it feel like a treat, not a trade-off.
And now David is available at Walmart stores nationwide and on walmartcom, where you can try a single bar for only 297.
Don't just take our word for it.
Go grab one for yourself.
Head to Walmart today to try a bar or stock up on four counts of your favorite flavors like blueberry pie and salted peanut butter, sold exclusively at Walmart.
Check out Walmart.com to find a store near you.
These days I am all about quality over quantity, especially in my closet.
If it is not well-made and versatile, it is just not worth it to me.
And that is why Gretchen, I love quints.
The fabrics feel elevated.
The cuts are thoughtful and the pricing actually makes sense.
You know Gretchen, I can't live without my quints, my Gullion cashmere sweaters, but I also love their t-shirts.
Their cotton poplin is crisp and holds its shape.
I can wear everything season after season.
And I love that these pieces are consistently rated 4.5 to 5 stars by thousands of customers.
Right now, go to quince.com slash Gretchen for free shipping and 365-day returns.
That's a full year to wear it and love it.
And you will.
Now available in Canada, too.
Don't keep settling for clothes that don't last.
Go to quince.com slash Gretchen for free shipping and 365-day returns. quince.com slash Gretchen.
These days, fast, reliable internet is essential to everyday life.
And if you have a business, it's even more essential.
Spectrum Business keeps businesses of all sizes connected seamlessly with internet, advanced Wi-Fi phone, TV and mobile services.
For this podcast, we rely on Spectrum.
Spectrum allows us to record this podcast even though we are in three different locations.
We do it seamlessly every time.
And Spectrum Business offers 100% U.S.-based customer support 24-7 to help you stay up and running.
They also offer tailored connectivity solutions with packages built for your business budget.
Millions of business owners rely on Spectrum Business to keep them connected.
Visit spectrum.com slash business to learn more.
Restrictions apply.
Service is not available in all areas.
Okay Elizabeth, it's time for Demerits and Gold Stars, and this is an even-numbered episode, so that means it's your turn to talk demerit.
Yes well Gretchen, this is kind of a repeat of the demerit I was giving myself earlier in the episode which is ordering food delivery.
I ordered food delivery during February, not as much as usual, but more than I should have, which was not at all.
So I give myself a demerit.
Only human.
Well, Elizabeth, you've given yourself that demerit.
So I feel like that has been registered.
So there it is.
There it is.
Okay, Gretchen, what is your gold star?
Well, Elizabeth, I'm giving you a gold star.
This is kind of a flashback gold star because I keep thinking about this moment.
And then I was like, Elizabeth really deserves a gold star for this.
So this is returning to the very sad time right before our father died.
You and I had both flown in.
Our mother said on Saturday night, you both need to come.
And so we both came and it was Sunday.
We were both there and we spent the day there in the hospital at our father's bedside.
It was nighttime and it was like, okay, what were we going to do?
And one of us was going to spend the night.
And we were like, okay, mom, you can't spend the night.
You're exhausted.
You need to go home and sleep in your own bed.
And so it was which of the two of us would.
And you just looked at me and you said very kindly well, I think I should stay Gretch, because you're more sleep sensitive.
Yeah.
And that is the truth.
I am more sleep sensitive.
That is really a true fact about me to the point where I didn't even protest.
I was just like, you know what?
You're right.
I am more sleep sensitive.
And just the way that you said it, it was so...
Well, first of all, it showed such a knowledge of me, which is I am very sleep sensitive.
And then you just said it in this very kind way.
And it wasn't like you were doing anything as a sacrifice or you know.
It was just like, oh well, this is the sensible approach.
Gretchen's more sleep sensitive.
I keep thinking back on that moment and how that's the little kind of skirmish that can be really stressful, strangely.
Yeah.
And I just thought you handled it with so much consideration.
So gold star to you.
Well, thank you.
And I was, you know, happy to be there.
Not happy to be there, but gratified to be there with dad.
So I think it was for both of us.
It was good.
But thank you.
The resource for this week.
Well, Determination Day has passed.
And if your resolutions are stalled, consider these hacks.
One.
You might try tracking a habit, because when we track something, we're far more likely to follow through with it.
It has almost kind of a magical effect. effect.
And if you want to try tracking my Don't Break the Chain Habit Tracker, it makes that easy.
You can keep a physical tracker.
Or if your aim feels overwhelming, you can break it into smaller challenges.
I have a new bingo book that can help you build momentum step by step.
And you can find out more about both of those at happiercast.com slash shop.
There's so many ways to achieve our aims for ourselves.
Do not be discouraged.
You Elizabeth, what are we reading?
What are you reading?
I'm catching up on Wolf Hall by Hilary Mantel.
And I am reading Lonesome Dove by Larry McMurtry.
And that's it for this episode of Happier.
Remember to try this at home.
Reflect on your no-spend February or on your spending in general.
Let us know if you tried it and if it worked for you.
Thank you to our executive producer, Chuck Reed, and everyone at Lemonada.
And here's your rhyming reminder.
If you love the show, leave a review to let us know.
We really do love reviews.
Please leave a review.
Until next week, I'm Elizabeth Kraft.
And I'm Gretchen Rubin.
Thanks for joining us Onward and Upward.
So are you enjoying Wolf Paul?
Yes, I really enjoy it.
Especially, mom told me to remember that he almost always refers to Thomas Cromwell.
So that's helping my understanding of the book, which will make sense to you if you're reading it right now.
Yes.
If you've read the book, you know that Hilary Mantel is such a good writer.
You know that she did that on purpose.
And the question is, why?
Because it's just kind of confusing.
Hi, Gretchen, Craig Robinson, and my little sister Michelle here.
We host a new podcast called IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson.
We know you're the queen of giving advice, so we wanted to get a few tips from you.
You know, Gretchen, a lot of our listeners are going through some major life changes.
What advice do you have for folks who are trying to stay grounded in the midst of major life transitions?
Craig and Michelle, I am so happy to be talking to you.
Here are a few questions that might help us gain perspective.
So consider questions like this.
What activities take up my time but are not particularly useful or stimulating for me?
Do I spend a lot of time on something that's important to someone else but is not very important to me?
If I could magically change one habit in my life, what would I choose?
And here's a question.
Would I like to have more time in solitude restorative solitude or would I like to have more time with friends?
You know, just thinking about questions like this can help us start to figure out how we might make our lives happier.
With greater self-knowledge, we're better able to make hard decisions that reflect ourselves, our own nature, our own interests, our own values.
In my own case, I have found that the more my life reflects my nature, the happier I get and the more grounded I feel when I'm going through a period of major change or transition.
For more great advice, search for IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson wherever you get podcasts.
You can listen to Issa Rae on letting go of certain friendships, Kiki Palmer on why disappointment is actually the key to career success, Seth and Lauren Rogan on caring for aging parents, and so many more.
