What if you could fly or travel back in time?
We welcome you to What If World.
Hey there folks, and welcome back to What If World, the show where your questions and ideas inspire off-the-cuff stories.
I'm Mr. Eric, your host, and today we're starting off with a question from a listener named Edith.
Hi, my name is Edith.
Um, I can't talk right.
What if?
What if, um... Oh!
Um, what if a unicorn ate, um, a pig at the On top of the Earth on the moon.
Thank you so much, Edith.
That's what I'm pretty sure your name was, but the audio was a little off in that moment, so please excuse me if I'm wrong.
So, of course, we will have to find out what if a unicorn ate a pegasus on the moon.
Not sure how we'll get there yet, but before we get anywhere, we have to add on one more question.
And this was a question directly related to our last story, episode 380.
Roxy asks, what if unicorns were somehow the villains?
That was part one of this two-part story.
And for part two, Isabella on Spotify wrote I love math and my what-if question is what if all the characters fell through the hole?
Because Hungry Bungry ate the hole, so it became super big.
Thanks, I love your show.
Oh yes, we've got a lot to work with.
And if you didn't hear that last new episode, I suggest you go back and give it a listen.
But let me remind you of what happened either way.
This story is set in a town called The Stables, which is exclusively populated by unicorns, alicorns and pegasuses.
The only time these three different kinds of magical creatures get to play together is at dusk and dawn.
Unicorns are nocturnal and return to the sea as narwhals when the sun rises so they don't dry out.
Pegasuses are made from clouds, so sometimes they evaporate when it's too hot or get mixed up with the mist when it's too misty, but they always come back when it rains.
And finally, alicorns are diurnal, turning back into starlight when the sun finally sets.
So her nosity, the unicorn Rocks, the alicorn and River the pegasus play together each morning, before her nosity returns to the sea.
On this particular day they were supposed to meet up again at dusk because it was Honing Day, a day where all the magical horses get new smart hones.
A smart hone is a sort of sharpening stone invented by unicorns to give all the different creatures of the stables the same magical powers.
Every honing day, everyone gathers to get a new smart home from Mr. Business.
Then they throw their old ones into the honing hole, where they explode in a great magical burst.
Her nosity shows up in the middle of the night after rocks has become starlight and river has become a rain cloud.
Her nosity overhears Mayor Roth, the unicorn leader of the stables, talking about some kind of villainous-sounding plan.
But when she asks for privacy, he trots away.
And when her nosity takes off her smart home, her rainbow-banded unicorn horn disappears.
At that very same moment, Pixie Catto, the acting president of What If World, appears to fall up through the honing hole.
Apparently, the magical hole has gotten so deep that it opened up on the other side of What If?
World.
Her nosity does not wish to be seen without her unicorn horn.
And when a pink rain starts to fall, slowly turning into the Pegasus River again, her nosity asks for Pixie Catto's help.
Naturally, Pixie Cotto turns into her nosity's unicorn horn.
But for how long can she keep up the disguise?
And what is Mayor Roth's villainous plan after all?
We'll learn all that and more as we find out.
What if a unicorn ate a pegasus on the moon?
And what if Hungry Bungry ate the whole so it became so big?
Your story starts after a quick break.
There stood Hernosity, her hooves tapping nervously at the thin, rocky ledge of the honing hole.
Her friend, River, had just commented on her unicorn horn.
What was that? asked Hernosity.
Her heart was beating so loud that she hadn't even heard her friend.
I said, I never knew your real unicorn horn looked like that.
That was River.
A fluffy pink pegasus made of cotton candy clouds their eyes glinting with joy and curiosity.
"'Oh, tis much different without my smart horn,' said her nosity, which wasn't quite a lie, but wasn't the whole truth either.
"'Yes, I'm usually small and metallic and talkative,' said her nosity's horn in Pixie Catto's voice.
"'Whoa!'
I've never heard of a talking unicorn horn.
Just then, Mr. Business stepped up, holding her nose at his old, cracked smart horn.
It was starting to warm and glow, getting ready to explode like all the other discarded stones.
Oh, River, you've never owned a smart horn, so you have no idea just how magical they are.
As River turned to face the businessman...
He gave her nosity a secret wink.
You see, Mr. Business was the only person in What If World who knew her nosity's secret.
Say what you will about the money grubber, but he was loyal to his customers.
Our smart homes give everyone horns, flight, and swimming powers.
Some inherent magic may be suppressed.
What was that?
Asked Pixie Caddo, her silvery shape shining in the starlight.
Oh, just our boilerplate disclaimer I'm legally obligated to mention whenever someone complains about unintended magical consequences.
Huh?
That's what they all say.
Now let's get this old stone in the honing hole before it literally blows up in our faces.
No, wait!
Cried Pixie Gato.
But with a casual toss, Mr Business sent the glowing stone down down, down to the bottom of one hole.
And the top.
Hey, shouldn't we resolve my predicament before cutting to another scene?
We cut to another scene.
Of course.
From one year ago, on the other side of What If World, near a mountain called Whateverist.
Some of you may know that the steward of this mountain is a giant crocodilian creature with a yellow head and neck, a long green body, two powerful purple legs and four arms of purple and blue.
His name was Hungry Bungry.
Oh, Mr. Eric, what am I to do?
The people of What If World have entrusted me with their trash.
But there's just too much of it said Hungry, Bungry.
Even though talking to the narrator in a flashback is highly unorthodox, then you should have put someone else in the scene.
Replied Hungry Bungry making a good point.
Ah, my dear Mr. Eric, said Cthunkle, showing up out of the blue.
I prefer to show up out of the green, preferably a sickly greenish brown, said Cthunkle.
An interdimensional squidopus with the ability to make kind of gross greenish-brown portals?
Yes.
Here I am, Hungry Bungry.
Your recently sworn-in president will never abandon you.
Oh, good.
Cause this is a real pickle.
Your body is quite pickle-like.
Nothing we can't fix. by twisting the laws of reality.
Oh no, I love my pickle body.
I just need help dealing with all this trash.
Mount Whateverist is piled so high that it just keeps tumbling down from the top.
Threatening to destroy what if world and an avalanche of garbage.
Wonderful.
Not wonderful.
Not everyone in What If World can eat ten times their body weight in trash every day like me.
So you wish me to mutate all the creatures of What If World into trash-eating abominations?
Close.
I was hoping, as president, you could encourage businesses and individuals to reduce reuse, compost and recycle.
At that moment, a deep rumble sounded in the earth.
Hernosity's smart hone from last year had fallen all the way through the honing hole to this side of What If World.
Was that me?
I shouldn't have eaten that entire bag of tortilla chips.
It's pronounced tortilla.
I know how all words are pronunciated.
Pronounced.
That's it.
I was going to help you. until you started criticalizing me.
I didn't mean to do so much criticizing.
Bah!
Cthunkle gave a frustrated stomp of his many octopus arms and squid tentacles.
And as he did, a tiny hollow hole opened up in the ground between them.
There.
Just cram all the extra trash in this tiny hole and be done with it, said Cthunkle, stuffing up the hole with his empty bag of tortilla chips.
Now you're correcting me too, Mr. Eric.
I'm out of here.
But Cathuncle, That's President, Cathuncle to you, said the squidopus as he disappeared in a greenish-brown puff of magic.
Hungry Bungry looked at the literal mountain of trash before him.
Then he tried to stuff a crinkled-up water bottle through the opening.
Hmm.
It's not quite large enough, unless And so Hungry Bungry started gnawing at the edge of the hole as it got wider and wider and more trash started tumbling in, until one year later, when Hungry Bungry had worried at his hole until it was as wide as a lake and reached the very edge of Mount Whateverist.
Oh no, oh no, where did she go?
The enormous crocodilian paced down on all six limbs, searching around the hole for any sign of Pixie Cato, who'd recently fallen in.
It was high noon on this side of Orifworld and Hungary's hole had been rumbling, cracking and widening all day as strange glowing stones kept rising out of it and exploding.
Wow, this is quite the phenomenon, said Wendy Anna Jones.
What if World's top scientist and time traveler You mean tied for top scientist and time traveler with me, the Learninator?
Said the somehow well-muscled robot known as the Learninator.
Okay, you get a pass for complimenting my robo-muscles.
Wendy Anna took a whirring sensor from her cybernetic leg and held it close to the hole, as everyone else on this side of What If World gathered round its rocky rainbow-colored edge.
This is impossible.
She said, her jaw dropping as the Learninator peeked over her shoulder at the device.
Everybody, get back! he cried, turning his robotic voice volume as high as it would go.
When a small cracked stone seemed to float up from the hole, glowing brightly, everyone in What If World stared at it for one fascinated moment, until.
Maybe I shouldn't have chewed this hole so wide.
Hernosity's smart hone exploded in a torrent of power.
The rainbow ledges of the hole crumbled and all the people of What If World started to fall in along with.
Oh, now you're seeing Dash back to me, just as that other story was getting interesting, said Hernosity, though she'd heard the rumble from the planet.
And had the sense to... Back up, everyone.
Oh, what have we done?
We?
It was your smart home, missy.
Not now, Mr. Business.
Just get on.
But I thought you creatures didn't like being rid.
Ignoring his protests, her nose said he used her pixie cat o' horn to hook Mr Business by the suspenders and flip him onto her back as she took off away from the honing hole, first at a canter, then a gallop.
"'Mind telling me what's going on?' asked River, straining their cloud-like wings to keep up with her nosity.
"'Didn't you hear the last scene?'
"'No.'
I just sort of zone out when Mr. Eric starts talking.
Hey, never mind, then just keep flying.
And so they went all the way across the stables.
I really wish you had a saddle, complained Mr. Business as he felt the ground move below them.
The thinning strip of land that had kept the peninsula of the stables attached to the rest of What If World snapped away as a rift seemed to tear the entire planet in two.
Um, very action-packed narration, Mr. Eric.
But could you please explain what's actually happening?
Oh, hey, Pixie Catto.
Yeah, I was just getting to that.
You see- You see, her nosity, you have finally freed us from the rest of What If World.
Bwahahahaha!
Said the unicorn known as Mayor Roth. suddenly running beside Hernosity.
Nope, I'm still lost, said Pixie Cato.
What's this?
A talking horn?
I've never met a unicorn with a talking horn.
Mayor Roth glared at Hernosity with sudden suspicion, noting her small metallic unicorn horn.
Well, apparently there are things you don't know about unicorns, said Pixie Cato.
No matter, said Mayor Roth dismissively. as they finally reached the shore.
Now, our little stretch of grass will be the only land left in all the world, and unicorns will reign from our rightful seat in the sea.
They'd run through the night, and now the dimmest light of dawn was finally peaking above the horizon.
The starlight began to take shape as the alicorn known as Rocks returned.
Good morning, Hanozity River.
Mayor Roth, I don't remember inviting you to our frolic.
Bah, scoffed Mayor Roth.
No more shall unicorns frolic with starry-eyed alicorns, or pegasuses as fickle as the wind.
Come with me her nosity into the sea, where only those who buy our smartphones will be able to follow.
River, do you know what he's going on about?
No, I just sort his own out when Mayor Roth starts talking.
Is it wrong that that makes me feel better?
Mayor Roth, when you offered me a 30 cut of smart home sales, you didn't tell me you planned on destroying half the world so you could rule the other half.
Would it have made a difference?
While Mr Business hemmed and hawed their half of What If World left its orbit getting closer and closer to the moon?
Uh-oh.
Is anyone seeing that?
Quick, Anusity.
Take your narwhal form with me in the sea.
Join our underwater stronghold.
So, no one heard Mr. Eric?
Mr Eric, now ain't not a safe place to land?
Tried the Learninator, as he and all the rest of the characters of What If World started falling toward the waters of Sable Bay.
Can you at least make them soft, fluffy, warm, cozy waters?
Actually, no, sorry.
Not only was half of What If World about to collide with the moon, But also all of the specific ocean was Ew.
I can't swim in this.
Who put all this soft and fluffy but otherwise disgusting garbage in Mayor Roth's ocean?
I just heard soft and fluffy.
Good enough.
Everyone who has a nose, I suggest you hold it.
Everyone from the other half of What If World finally finished falling into the completely polluted ocean of this half.
And that was the least of their worries.
Anosity, I am trying to protect your secret, but we need to get my people out of that water.
But I think the narrator said something about Unicorns narwhals.
I know you don't like being ridden, but you can swim better than those people in the water.
Please save them.
Ah, yes, of course.
Come, unicorns, what she said.
This is the last evil plan I borrow from Cathuncle.
Hey!
I'm sorry about all the trash.
I'll start cleaning it up right away.
Yes, I have learned to fuel my power cells off of garbage so I can help too.
Great.
River, Rocks, I need you two to fly out and pick up as many of the what-if-ians as you can.
Own it, said Rocks.
But as for River, they were already halfway to the moon.
What did you just say?
Sorry, I was the only one listening to the narrator.
For a change.
Come on, Pegasuses.
We're the only ones who can't be crushed by gravity or moon rocks.
As the unicorns rescued, the What-Ifians River led a glorious charge of Pegasuses toward the moon, trying to act as a windy buffer between it and the rest of What-If World.
Now, I don't mean to fuss about the laws of nature, but even if you account for the quantum curiosity quotient, these pegasuses aren't gonna be able to.
Rocks her nose that he shouted to her alicorn friend who just finished saving fred the dog.
Hey, why'd you take me out of all that good stinky, wet garbage, rocks?
I need you to get me to the moon and bring the rest of the alicorns only one small problem, said rocks, as he and all the other alicorns started fading into horse-shaped patches of starlight through the cloud of starlight that made up the many alicorns.
As she did, they began to swirl around her, becoming great twinkling wings as wide as the stables themselves.
Then she flew herself up into the ever-shrinking space between What-If World and the moon.
Hey, her nosity.
Cool star wings.
Thanks.
You know, I think we're all gonna get smushed by the moon.
Not if I can help it.
Do you trust me?
Always, sis.
And taking in a great cotton candy-flavored breath, the unicorn ate the pegasus.
More like breathed them in through your mouth.
Semantics.
Her nosity, Wendy just sent me some calculations for whatever you're trying to do, but do it fast!
My magic can't protect us long!
And with lungs full of the wind, come alive and wings full of starlight, her nosity released it all in one great gust of breath and beating wings.
Using Wendy and his calculations, her magic solar wind was able to gently cradle the moon and what was left of What If World, bringing the two celestial bodies into a new, if uneasy, orbit.
Phew.
Uh, how'd you do that? asked Rocks as he and River reformed.
Oh, um... She'll tell you if and when she's ready, interjected Mr. Business.
They were all back on the ground again of What If World and he brought her nosity a rainbow-colored stone.
But for now I think our girl needs her new smart home and a long rest.
I... what?
I made this one to last, kid.
As long as you need it.
Thank you, Mr. Business, said her nosity's horn.
I'll miss our little talks, her nosity.
But perhaps it's time to... Yes, right.
Ugh, was I just in your lungs, her nosity?
The end.
Hungry, bungry.
I've had a year to think of how I left things, and now I see the truth.
You were right about how to pronunciate Tortilla.
Oh boy.
World split in half again, didn't it?
I blame Pixie Gato.
There you have it, folks.
Another disaster not entirely avoided, thanks to your what-if questions.
Edith and Isabella, Thanks for this week's idea, and I hope you all enjoyed your story.
What do you think her nosity's secret is?
And what might make her feel comfortable enough to finally share it?
And what about those smartphones?
Could you imagine a way for them to be helpful tools that don't make everyone the same and then explode at the end of the year?
Finally, there's Mr. Business.
Why do you think he was so nice to her nosity, even after he helped destroy half of What If World again?
Talk to your grown-up, and maybe your answers will help you find your next What If question.
When you do get your grown-up's permission to email hello at whatifworldpodcastcom with your voice recordings, written questions or fan art.
Then if you want to support What If World and get ad-free episodes and lots of bonus content, please check us out at whatifworldpodcastcom.
Slash support.
I'd like to thank Karen O'Keefe, my co-creator, my producer, Miss Lynn Craig Martinson for our theme song, and all you kids at home who know that finding and fostering your own magic is the journey of a lifetime.
And until we meet again, keep wondering.
