All right.
We're live here on Netflix.
I'm Bill Simmons.
That's cousin Sal.
You can also get this podcast on the ringer podcast network and on Spotify.
We're going live against the Grammys.
There's a Knicks Lakers game.
We don't care.
We just, we have so many props we want to get to.
Plus the faster we get this up, the faster it's just on Netflix.
You did this on HBO.
Didn't you learn?
You're right.
You're right.
Yeah.
There's a lot.
Listen, this is what people want to see.
We have, um, I have, I only have like, we can do this fast.
I only have like 93, 94 props written down.
So we can just blow through it.
How many, what do you have?
I have less and I can't wait to go through all them.
I want to talk about this weekend though.
Cause it was our first weekend without football in a while, which always makes you sad.
I feel like everybody is getting better. at scheduling stuff now.
Like yesterday we had there was a Charlotte San Antonio game on like in the morning, West Coast time.
There was Royal Rumble live from Riyadh.
Then we had UFC and we had boxing and we had more basketball.
And it was like this awesome sports day, because I think all of the smart people now who run this stuff are like hey, here's a dead day.
There's no football.
And plus there was golf.
So I actually didn't miss the football that much this weekend.
You think the sports gods were saying, look, we can do this.
Let's band together.
We could figure this out by doing it.
I think everybody's getting better at figuring out what the weekends are to exploit.
I don't think it was an accident that all that stuff was yesterday because that's a dead weekend.
We're going to the Super Bowl next weekend.
I don't know that we're going to be so lucky every week to see a boxer get his toupee knocked off his scalp.
I mean, that's exciting.
If that happens every week, sure, I'll get through the offseason fine.
I didn't love the Royal Rumble.
I don't know how much you want to talk about it.
I didn't love it so early in the day.
It ruined my family.
We do a pool.
We all get together, and they had sports, so it was tough.
There was no way they were going to go without finding out who won.
So it's the one wrestling thing I would not give to a country that's far away.
Yes.
Because I feel like the people coming out.
I love the reactions of whatever arena or stadium we're in in America.
I also think that they didn't have the, uh, They didn't have the wacky nostalgia people.
We didn't have the doink the clown type of weirdo stuff.
We only had some iguana guy.
So yeah, it felt like the energy was a little different.
That's the fun, the iguana guy.
You pick the iguana guy.
You have him 18th.
Like, ah, you point to whoever picked him.
You're not going to win this.
And listen, don't get me wrong.
I love Saudi Arabia.
Love it.
But I just, you're right.
And it was too many.
Yes, they should have more old timers in there.
Now they've been replaced with like sister promotion guys with masks.
Even our good friend Gus, I think he was my friend first, didn't recognize a lot of the songs.
Well, there was like five bodybuilder guys came out.
And they all kind of had the same body.
I'm like, is this the new trend now?
These guys come out and they're jacked.
And one of the guys came out.
They said his name was like Powerhouse Hobbs or something, but it's not his name anymore.
And now his name is this.
And I was like, I didn't know who Powerhouse Hobbs was either.
Yeah, they had to keep going back and forth to what they were formerly known as.
Yeah, it's like a guy has two identities.
This isn't Prince.
I mean, to me, it's like, just bring Hornswoggle out there.
He's delightful.
He's a small guy, right?
You're good for a half dozen laughs, probably don't have to pay him that much.
I don't.
Maybe they're afraid of little people in saudi arabia, i have no idea, but that guy should be.
He should be on every royal rumble.
It is, the royal rumble is the best when you're in college and you have a bunch of people and everybody draws the numbers and then somebody shitty comes out.
It's the funniest thing ever.
And then the other time it's super funny.
And we've had it with both of our kids, with our sons, who you know, they they have like four numbers and they're all excited.
They're guys coming out.
And then it's like the iguana guy.
I remember my son throwing like some of the biggest tantrums of his life because he wasn't happy.
I was telling about it yesterday because we're just watching.
It's like, what's up with this iguana guy?
And I was like, 12 years ago, you would.
The Royal Rumble is responsible for probably 25 of the tears in this house for the last three decades.
Well, speaking of tears.
We're going to do a Superbowl props.
And then a little later we have some NBA future stuff.
And then we have a very special parent corner with a special guest.
Yeah.
Speaking of tears, I've spent the entire week.
My guard was like, we did the pod last week.
Didn't know anything about Drake man's shoulder.
Monday, Tuesday.
I'm like, it's gotta be nothing.
Then he missed a couple of practices.
Then they were a little dodgy in the press conferences for the most part.
Hmm.
This is all my text threads.
These are all my conversations.
This is everything I talked to my dad about.
We don't even talk about the NBA trade deadline.
We just talk about Drake May's shoulder.
I have some little information that I found out.
I have lots of thoughts, but I mentioned this because I think it makes it really hard to figure out the Super Bowl props, because I don't know if he's a little bit injured or If this is a red herring.
He's not injured at all.
Is he more injured than they're letting on?
We just found out that Josh Allen played with a broken foot for like five weeks, and they just didn't tell us.
So if he has like sprained shoulder and they're like, well, we're going to check it in a week.
It should be fine.
Right.
That's I could live with that.
If it's partial tear in the labrum and he can throw it and we have to shoot it up.
Now I'm worried.
So I was doing these props and I'm like, I have no idea if my QB can wing the ball or not.
Listen, I think, you know, the Bruce shoulder or whatever.
He had like what he got sick this week, too, and some kind of tummy ache or something.
He's did he get sick or was it like a little they didn't want to have him throw the ball this week?
And they're like, you're sick.
This is, he's just obviously looking the bell on this game.
I think the lights are way too bright, right?
Like maybe, like Drake, maybe try to tell us in other ways, by fumbling six times over the last three weeks.
Just let him step aside.
He brought you to the playoffs.
Like he did a good job.
No, I don't.
I don't know how serious to take this, because it was all oblique, oblique.
Oblique for Sam Donald.
And then it ended up being nothing.
So I think that's what a lot most people are going off of like All right, until it's a big deal.
Until we see it, it's not a big deal.
Meanwhile, I have like Dr. Chow texting me, is Bill mad at me?
I don't want him to be mad at me.
I was like, pull yourself together.
Dr. Chow is the Woodward and Bernstein of this.
He was immediately on it with the video clip.
He's like, find out if he's mad at me.
I'm like, you're a doctor, pull yourself together.
My goodness.
Come on, Dr. Chow.
Look, I've watched it a bunch of times.
I've been watching.
So even today, they land the plane.
Drake was carrying his bag with his, with his right hand, uh, down the, down the plane thing.
I'm like, good sign.
Carrying the bag with the right hand watching the fist pump.
He did after the winning uh scramble and the Denver game did that with the right arm.
So maybe it's okay.
Um, I will say though that, like the you know, I I have some tentacles out there, and the and the Patriots was a little bit of an off week.
A lot of them were at the Celtic game on Friday, for instance, they'd been around.
And when people ask them, is Drake okay?
He's going to be fine, right?
You figure there's like three ways to answer that question, right?
If this was Sal, it's like, is Sal going to be on the pod today?
I'm like, he's fine.
He'll definitely be on.
Right.
Or you answer it like, no, no, he's playing.
Mm-hmm.
And if that's the answer, that makes me nervous.
It's not like, no, no, he's fine.
He'll be guns blazing on Sunday.
Right.
It's more like, no, he's playing.
Interesting.
I just don't trust it, Sal.
It's making me really nervous.
Yeah, I might be overthinking it.
We've had a whole week, but it is his throwing shoulder.
They asked Rabel, how do you feel?
Like, are you worried about the whatever?
And he was like, not much.
It's nobody has just definitively said he's going to be fine.
Right.
I don't know what to say.
I just um look you should be.
You should have to play with the backup after all this nonsense playing the schedule.
And if we have Josh steps, 13 or 17 teams who, uh, games teams fired their coach.
Like, uh, yeah.
Well, you don't think you have a chance unless may plays this game.
I don't think we have a chance.
It does explain a couple of his throws in the fourth quarter, though if his shoulder was a little banged up because there was a specifically one in the, he's always gotten better as these games go along all year.
Right.
It was one throw over the middle that he kind of bounced in the after he took that hit, which was like with two minutes left in the third quarter.
And that was the one that I look back on.
I'm like, oh, man, like.
So maybe shoulder sprain, maybe they need a week.
Maybe they'll be, maybe on a Wednesday, it'll be like his shoulders fine.
And if he's fine, I'm going over on a bunch of like 20 and a half completions.
I can't wait to see how many overs you go with him now.
Well that, but that's.
I don't know if he's healthy or not, but if he is healthy, when you think we did this once, it was one of the Brady super bowls against Seattle.
We both love the completions, the over.
Cause we were like Seattle, they play safeties back.
You got to dink and dunk and pick them apart.
It's going to be a lot of completions for Brady.
And I think that would be the recipe for the pats right.
Just six yards, five yards.
Try to move the ball, keep the ball.
And he would have like 25 completions.
But if he's not healthy I wouldn't want to bet that now right, but i don't know.
Do you think so?
Let's say he's playing.
Let's say he's playing for sure, he's definitely playing right.
So what information is actually going to get out between now and you know the the anthem like?
Probably none.
If, as long as he's playing right, it's like you said, afterwards we'll find out.
This is what afterwards we found out about josh allen.
Right, this is kind of, but you can't hide during super bowl.
No, i'm just saying there's a line where you have to practice in front of people.
It's fine.
I'm just saying his completion number is not going to move between now and No.
But can he throw the deep ball?
He's been great on deep balls.
You can throw the deep ball on Seattle.
How much scrambling is he going to do?
I think part of the problem, I don't think it was just that one hit.
I think he took a shitload of hits over three weeks.
He got sacked 15 times, which is, I think, a record for the first three rounds.
He got hit a whole bunch of other times where he got rid of the ball on time.
And then he scrambled.
I think he had 14 carries and took hits on that too.
So it might've been an accumulation thing.
That's what scares me probably the most.
Well, your excuse is pretty well set now.
I will say you're good to go.
These aren't excuses.
The line hasn't moved.
The best thing that I feel the best about is the line has not budged from four and a half.
If it started creeping up to five, five and a half, I would get really nervous.
Can I ask you this is exactly what I wanted to ask you like which trends scare you?
Which give you hope?
Which do you immediately write off as inconsequential?
I'm going to read a few.
You tell me.
Are you talking gambling trends or football trends?
I'll read these.
Favorites four and a half or higher, one in 10 against the spread the last 11 Super Bowls.
I love that one.
That made me feel great.
Yeah.
Okay.
You love it.
Underdogs have won three straight Super Bowls outright and covered five straight Super Bowls and are 15-7 against the spread in the last 22 years.
It also sounds wonderful.
You like that?
Okay.
Pats and white jerseys which they'll be wearing on Sunday.
Five and O straight up the season.
White jerseys 16 and five in the last 21 Superbowls.
It's happy about that as well.
You like that?
All right.
No starting quarterback with a name less than five letters long has won a Superbowl.
Starting quarterbacks, whose first and last name end in the same letter, are 0 and 6 in Super Bowls since the AFC was formed.
Starting quarterbacks with the initials DM are 0 and 2 in the Super Bowl.
Dan Marino, Donovan McNabb.
What was the first name one?
There's been quarterbacks with five letters long.
What about Jalen Hurts?
H-U-R-T-S.
No starting quarterback with a last name less than five.
Oh, last name.
Yeah, last name less than five.
Yeah, yeah.
But here's the thing with drake may is his name is now one name.
Oh yes, it's like he's like madonna, like drake may is his name.
Nobody calls him drake, nobody calls him.
Have has one person called him may ever in 2025 or 26, you know what?
That's true, like i took a lot of crap.
But if he actually changed his name to maybe, then he's got the five letters and you got the.
Now he has a company.
How about this?
Just like which celebrity or influencers bet gives you the most comfort?
Like Drake the rapper, if he bet a million on Seattle.
He's number one.
The other Drake, going big on Seattle, combined with Adam Carolla also betting on Seattle, would be my two most exciting things.
Stephen A saying they don't have a shot.
That's pretty good.
He'll take that.
Stephen A saying he could see Seattle winning 60 to nothing made me feel really good.
I liked there was some graphic of all the ESPN people and everyone had Seattle.
I felt great about that.
I think that Seattle fans are a little nervous about the fact that they're the favorites.
Even in week 18, they were minus one and a half against the Niners.
People were like, are we sure?
The Niners had half the team.
It wasn't really until I don't know.
Were they even, did they even have their respect in the Rams game?
What did the Rams line end up?
Really?
I mean, that would have been under three, right?
Yep.
Yeah.
It was a two and a two and a half, three and a half.
Yeah.
Jumped around there.
Yep.
It's funny.
Cause their defense is obviously really good, but it's not.
It's not like the defense when we've seen defenses just win a Super Bowl, like our favorite example, the 2000 Ravens.
I think the Seahawks-Broncos Super Bowl is a good one.
There's been a couple where the defense just crushed it.
The Seahawks don't get a ton of sacks.
I was going through their box scores.
They had one sack in the Rams.
They'll get pressure.
They're good at bend, don't break.
They're good at getting stops, but they're not overrunning you the way I think the Texans would, or something.
Stafford had their number.
He threw it on them the whole game.
They did.
He definitely did.
So you got to keep that going.
And Kendall Jenner has a million dollars on the Patriots.
In a way, that's good, I think.
Yeah, everything she touches.
I don't want to mention this for too long, but the the.
The thing that made me the most nervous was craft being in a certain set of emails over the weekend.
I didn't really like that that much.
Okay.
Um, what's that?
That was tough.
Yeah.
It was a couple of tough craft moments in the last week where he's become the family patriarch that you're just worried the entire Thanksgiving.
Something bad's going to happen.
Right.
Oh no.
We just got to give one more hour with grandpa before we keep moving.
Um yeah, it's amazing how many people.
First of all, the question I get asked the most is why aren't I going, which I've already explained.
Yeah.
Um, and people are really dumbfounded for the most part in person when I tell them yeah, I can't go.
And here's why.
And they're just like, I just can't believe you wouldn't go.
But I don't think people understand what it's like to watch your team lose at the Super Bowl.
No.
And, uh, I, it's just not worth it for me.
I get it.
I definitely get it.
But is this really going to continue for the rest of your life?
Like let's say, Drake maybe is just outstanding and you are a nine point favorite at some point to win the Super Bowl six years from now.
I think it is.
The only thing that could flip it is if my son got really into the Pats.
I see.
Which hasn't happened yet.
But if all of a sudden, like this is happening to a couple of my friends actually have kids.
Around Ben's age or younger where their kids have really gotten into it.
Wilds was on the podcast Thursday talking about it.
And I think if it's your kid and they want to go, I think that would flip it.
That's fair.
That's fair.
Limping out of those two Giants games, I still think about it.
It's way up there.
It's really bad.
No, it's easier to be home.
I don't mean to rub it in because your team hasn't been in a while.
I know you were there.
I saw them win a Super Bowl against the Steelers.
And it was not satisfying because I... you know, I had the, uh, I picked the over under wrong.
So what are you going to do?
How do we feel about the, the over, like before we go into the props?
Yeah.
How do we feel about the actual over under and all that stuff?
Like, uh, like just the line staying at four and a half and then, uh, the over on, what is it?
45 and a half now?
45 and a half.
Yeah.
It was 46 and a half and that, but it's been 45 and a half for solid four days now.
So how do we feel about that?
I think it's like we've seen enough Super Bowl.
I think it's too low.
And I think we've seen Super Bowls get out of hand, right?
Sometimes they get out of hand early.
But I feel like I was looking at this.
This is one of my plays.
They're number one and number two in explosive play margins, right?
And that's basically explosive play offense versus allowed on defense.
So you might say, yeah, the defense is good at stopping these.
But if you throw in the fact that there's a Super Bowl, there's nervousness, there's trick plays that aren't left in the tank right.
Because you either use them now or you don't use them.
There's no bad weather to consider.
I really think that 45 and a half number could be off, like two of the last year, three years we saw 62 and 73.
Um, you know, i just, and you know that last time they played it was 52.
Should have been more if not for that fluky malcolm butler play.
So i think it's a little low.
I think you'd take an adjusted over.
You know what's weird if this was a championship weekend game so it was like the afc title or an fc title game yeah, I would think it's going to be like 40 or 35 375, something like that.
Like a defensive struggle and both teams like trying to have long drives.
You're so right.
Like the Superbowl, something about it just just makes.
It just plugs the game into the walking machine and all bets are off and you get the one stupid play.
Um, there's always the chance somebody can run it up.
I was watching, they were showing Superbowls all week and I was watching the the uh seattle denver game ironically that i forgot two weeks ago i do like it for the first time well i forgot it started with a safety yeah and it was like five nothing at one point and it was just really ugly but then they eventually grew the weed but then the other version of that was the denver game when they beat i think it was carolina 24 to 10 yeah and it was just kind of ugly and it just and i wonder if that's going to be this game i know i hear your point on the explosive plays but If Drake's not 100%, I don't know how the Pats get to 24 and up.
We could be due for that.
What was it, Rams?
It was Rams-Patriots, right?
That's what I was thinking about.
No scoring forever.
It was 3-3 with 10 minutes left.
Yeah, unreal.
I hope it's not that.
I mean, I don't need it to be 52-48, but let's see each team score a couple touchdowns here.
Well, because there's a couple of variables, too, because we mentioned Drake's shoulder.
The Seahawks are really down to one running back.
And that guy they played as the backup did nothing.
And I don't.
I don't think they feel great about him, but they're not going to have the same pass protection.
Um, you know, they have one and a half receivers.
Barner's fine, but there's, there's a chance like with the way the Pat's defense, the Pat's defense by all the advanced metrics, everything has been awesome now for like six, seven weeks.
Um, maybe it'll be hard for them to score.
I was wondering like that.
See that Seahawks Niners game week 18.
Yeah.
The final score was 13 to three.
There was a lot of settling for field goals and a lot of choppiness.
It felt like the entire game was in the middle of the field.
Right.
That could be that, too.
Could be.
I mean, that's when FanDuel cleans up, right?
Because all the props, everything's leaning towards overs.
Speaking of FanDuel.
Yeah.
Shout out to FanDuel Canada.
Because sometimes in the American sites, it's harder to find all the bets.
Fandle Canada was crushing it.
We were passing it.
What did they have it on like Wednesday?
They had everything.
It's unbelievable.
They had national anthem bets.
They really know how to do it in Canada.
I think you and I, the Southwest go to Ontario.
Let's just fly out there.
I'll get it.
I'll spring for a boarding class tickets if we want.
Canada's ready to roll.
Speaking of Fandle, we're going to take a break and we're going to come back, and it is officially proper booze.
Let's do it.
The Bill Simmons podcast is presented by FanDuel.
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All right.
So, before we get to the props, you mentioned how the underdogs are 15 and seven against the spread since 2004.
And I've covered five straight.
Yeah, did we realize that trend was happening at any point during the super bowl runs when we were making picks or cause?
15 and seven.
I was actually surprised that that was the number.
And maybe I have amnesia.
I don't remember.
14 and seven would have been nice.
13 and seven.
The problem is like when the chiefs are staring at us as favorites, a lot of those years.
So what are we going to do?
Yeah.
And the pats, and the pats were the masters of winning, but not covering a bunch of those.
Um, All right, Super Bowl props.
We've been doing this.
First time we did it was the, I think it was the Pats Giants, the first one, right?
Yeah, probably.
Because I had my podcast for ESPN in 07 at that point.
Yeah, so I think this is our... That worked well.
That would be our 19th Super Bowl.
This would be our 19th Super Bowl props.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Do you want to do the novelty ones first that we talked about in Canada?
Let's go serious, and then we'll get goofy.
Yep, yep.
So Drake May related stuff.
We mentioned the 20 and a half completions over plus 108.
Mentioned the 50 plus rush yards, two to one.
The interceptions minus 138, which I hate to say it, but might be the best one either way.
If he's healthy, he's going to be throwing the ball a lot.
Every round, he's either had a pick or it seems like he should have had a pick.
If he's not healthy and his shoulder isn't great, then that might happen too.
Darnold is minus 128 for interception.
I haven't seen a bet, have you, where you could bet on both guys to throw a pick?
Yeah, I did.
What are the odds on that?
Plus 200.
I like that.
All right.
So we're going to mark that one down, right?
So you like the double pick plus 200?
Yeah, it's weird because each quarterback two interceptions is only plus 300.
So both teams interception is nice value there.
Yeah, the two plus picks is three to one.
Okay.
All right.
So we'll get to that.
Let's see.
Want to do MVP first or touchdowns first?
Let's do MVP.
Let's work.
Okay.
We already know the result.
So there was a great bet for this that I think we talked about on ringer gambling show, on at least one of our shows with JSN a few weeks ago.
I think Raheem was on that.
I forget who else, but I want to say it was like 18 to one before they played a playoff game.
And the analogy was like Edelman Cooper cup.
Like sometimes a receiver can kind of own the game.
He's really the only receiver that those odds have dropped, so he is in the game.
Yeah, he is.
Now what?
Five to one is it now?
Jsn is uh plus 550.
I'm saying right, two favorites are dono plus 115 and and maybe plus 230.
Okay, so if you had to bet so important note for the, for the young aspiring uh gamblers and people who are going to parties this week want to make bets We're not saying who we think is going to win the MVP, necessarily.
We're just saying what is the best value?
That we're looking at this like oh wow, those are the odds.
I like it.
So what's your favorite?
I'm saying both, actually.
I'm saying this is the best value, and I'm saying this is who's going to win MVP.
And you could go MVP any other position or quarterback.
Any other positions plus 210.
Quarterbacks minus 260.
I'm done.
I'm stunned Simmons.
Like I know this is a boring pick, but I'm going quarterback.
I know it's a giant number, but if I had to bet on exactly one thing the whole game, it would be that a quarterback is going to be MVP.
Three in a row.
Three Superbowls in a row, 12 out of the last 16.
This is becoming like the regular season MVP where it almost has to be a quarterback.
I mean, so what are the odds? it's minus two 60.
It sucks.
And I'm just saying everything else is a sucker, but like, I like Cooper cup at a hundred to one.
That's ridiculous.
That's way too high.
If you want to play some of the fun ones, you'll probably throw out a few defensive players.
But honestly, once it gets to like 21 18 21 17, they're going to give it to a quarterback.
And you know, it could be where JSN has three touchdowns and nobody else does anything.
Then you have to kind of give it to them.
But That's like the only scenario where anyone other than a quarterback gets it in a big offensive game, I think.
Yeah, but why wouldn't you pick the team you think is going to win and then just either bet Darnold plus 115 or plus 230?
You could do that.
You could do that.
Or you could just sit back for three and a half, four hours and win.
But you'll you'll you have more cup is my long shot.
What do you like?
I'm sure you have some good ones to throw.
I thought Ramondre at 30 to one was pretty interesting.
I just thought that line was really high.
And especially if Drake isn't a hundred percent healthy.
I just think they're going to try to run or bust.
I actually really liked how the Rams were in the ball last week.
I think Coram and uh and Williams, I think they were like over four yards of carry, but I felt like they were moving the ball and the problem was they fell behind.
Yeah.
It's like the holes were there too.
Um, so I liked that one a little bit.
I think for the wild cards, uh, I mean, honestly, Travion at 125 to one jumped out at me too.
And he has been done nothing for a while.
But there was, I'm going to give a reader named John P sent this tweet along.
It's from a tweet somebody named Pete Collins did.
And it was about how Travion Henderson has been crushing split safety looks this year.
68 carries, 319 yards, two TDs, almost five yards of carry.
Best in the league among qualified running backs.
New England barely saw two high shells on offense.
Seattle is the highest rate of two high shells.
And they've allowed 5.0 yards per carry against them.
And the reason I was thinking Henderson was...
Sometimes the big ass run can like, just like if it's like a 20 to 10 win and he has like a 78 yard touchdown run and runs for a hundred yards.
I just thought those odds were crazy.
So he's had two and this plays to another bet I had with him that I thought was interesting for a running thing.
70 plus rush yards for him is 14 to one 80 plus.
These are all in Fando.
80 plus yards is 25 to one.
He's at a 65 yarder and a 69 yard run this year, twice.
So two in 20 games for them, 10% of the time he's busted one.
This is the kind of defense that he's busted.
So you're betting 10% of the time he does this, but I'm getting 25 to one odds at 80 plus yards.
That's what it is for 80.
All right.
That's better than the one I wrote down.
As long as we're giving love to Travion, I had most rushing yards for Henderson at, at plus 2000.
So this makes more, the 80 plus makes more sense.
Cause then that would be like a 65 yard run and he would get like a five and a 10 or whatever.
And he would get it.
So, so yeah, I had him down.
And then for the, the other one is just Marcus Jones.
Yeah.
So do you know how many TDs Marcus Jones has this year?
How many?
No, I don't know this one.
He has four.
Does he have that many?
He has two defensive interceptions and two special teams touchdowns.
And he's like an awesome kick returner.
Right.
And I was thinking like, what if he, what if he had a kick return touchdown?
And then what if, what if he had a kick return touchdown and a defensive touchdown?
What if it had a kick return and an interception?
But the odds are like nuts for him.
They are... I can't even find them.
Is it 125 to 1?
Is that what I'm looking at?
Yeah, I think that's what it is.
Ernest Jones?
Is that what he said?
No, Marcus Jones.
Marcus is 100 to 1.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, so it's like...
If they play this game 50 times.
Is there one version of this game where he busts a kick return touchdown and gets a pick?
And if he gets a pick, he's dangerous.
You see, this is what I didn't want to do.
I was all set on quarterbacks.
And now you're going to make me bet six of these including, you know, Jason Myers and all this other nonsense, but you have to do it.
It's the last game.
I think the best, the single best bet to me is a Jason.
I just think for value.
Yeah, 550 because odds are he's 10 for 125 with a touchdown.
If he gets two touchdowns, he locks it.
And we also have really good history of multi... I was looking at the multi-touchdown game history.
Right.
And there's some good ones.
Well, Cooper Cup was one of them, right?
We were at that game.
Cooper Cup.
So in the...
Last 10 years, Jalen Hurts had the three touchdowns.
So he doesn't count because they were running.
But 22, Cup had two.
21, Gronk had two for Tampa.
20, Williams had two.
He's a running back.
18, Gronk had two.
And then 17, James White had three.
And I think two of them were catches.
So, because I was looking at, I think the two plus TD bet is we get great odds on that.
Raheem's always loved that one.
Yep.
I was trying to figure out who the best two plus TD bet guy would be.
And it's got to be him, right?
JSN for sure.
Yeah.
It's now six 50 that he gets two TDs.
So you can do that instead of the MVP bet.
Cause if he gets two TDs, it's probably one MVP, but he might not.
Yeah.
I see.
Yeah.
I just, the only thing is you got to get for the MVP.
You probably, all those guys you listed, how many receptions?
Seven.
It can't be two one-yard touchdown catches and nothing else, right?
No, you've got to be nine for over 100 seven eight, nine catches for 110 to 140 yards and you need at least one TD, probably two.
If it's a higher-scoring game, I think you need two.
Lower-scoring game, you need one.
I mean, Kopp had a bunch of catches.
Andrew passed interferences towards the end, like three of them in that last drive or next to the last drive against Cincinnati.
Okay.
Well, that's part of my question with Donald.
When you talk about how he's a lock, like you think the QBs are the best bet.
Yeah.
There's probably going to be some pass interference yards, which is always weird for these MVP things.
Like, right.
I'm just telling you now, like, Carlton Davis is going to get a pass interference in this game.
I don't know if you can bet on it on FanDuel, but I would bet on that.
He'll be a rollercoaster ride this whole game.
He's top four in drawing pass interference calls and the receivers in the league.
Right.
So he gets a 35-yard pass interference.
It counts for nobody.
It counts for neither Darnold or JSN on that one.
And then the only other one.
It's like if it's a Seattle defense goes nuts game, that's probably Lawrence at that point.
Yeah.
He's right.
A hundred.
Yeah.
And speaking of that, I mean, I'm sure everybody has this, but him for the one sack at, Plus 122.
I think that's a put in bold.
That's moved around a lot already.
It's dropped from like plus 145 to plus 120 range, right?
Yeah.
I don't know.
So what are we going to do?
We're going to take like six of these?
I think the best bet is JSN.
But I also like the Marcus Jones one.
I think those are my two favorites.
All right.
I'm going to.
Do you like Ramondre at 30 to one or no?
Yeah, I mean, I like I get it that that's that's the kind of game would have to be.
I think your guys passing would have to be short passes the whole time.
They wouldn't be able to put up big numbers.
But I don't know if you can win a game like that.
I'm urging people to bet two point six million dollars to win one million dollars on a quarterback to win this MVP.
So if the Patriots win.
I think may is going to be the MVP, because that would mean he played well and he carried them for some reason.
If Seattle wins, I don't think that means Darnold is the MVP.
That's true.
I think you can, to me, that would be 50 50 at that point.
Like in the NFC title game, he definitely would have won MVP.
Right.
Even though JSN was awesome in that game, but Darnold was like three 50 and didn't have a pick.
But if you see a Kenneth Walker rushing touchdown, then you see a JSN receiving touchdown.
Then the needle moves to Darnold, right?
Because it's not one player dominating.
So usually the quarterback.
All right.
Touchdown stuff.
Your favorite touchdown.
You can go anytime touchdown, multiple touchdowns, first touchdown.
What was your single favorite one?
Let me see.
Hold on.
I got to find it.
Cardi B. I got all the stuff.
All right.
All right.
Well, first of all, under one and a half yards, shortest touchdown, minus 138, little juicy there.
It's a brother Bryce special.
It's hit five of the last six.
It's hit 22 of the last 32.
It really should be about minus 180, 185, but it's minus 138.
You talked about it.
PI calls in the end zone, puts the ball right at the one.
We see it all the time.
We saw it a bunch of times with Hurts, obviously, but under one and a half.
I like Cup to score the first touchdown at plus 1300 and to score at plus 260.
I'll find some more.
Go ahead.
What do you have 1300 for first?
Yeah.
And then what was the other one?
60 that he, that he scores, uh, anytime.
All right.
This is my favorite.
I, this might be my single favorite bet.
Barner to get a touchdown is plus 1230.
Um, I think that's what it is, but, uh, he's 12 to one.
Oh, plus two 30.
Sorry.
Is that what it is now?
Just any touchdown?
Anytime?
Anytime touchdown is what?
Is it plus 230 or no?
That's going to be higher than that.
I think I had a typo.
I'm sorry, America.
Plus 230.
Anytime plus 230.
Yeah.
Plus 230.
First touchdown is 12 to 1.
Two touchdowns is 20 to 1.
Here's the case for Barnum.
Not only I see their tight end.
So he might be able to get like the first and goal from the five touchdown.
He's now their, their tush push short yardage guy because Charbonnet got hurt.
And that's a recent development.
So any fourth and one he's coming in, or any first down and goal from the one like you talk about, the brother Bryce special Barner is going to be in the game right, anything one yard and in he's in, and at the plus 230 i think.
I think that's amazing value.
I kind of can't believe it's not higher because i could also get a pass with him too right, but i like the 20 to 1, 2 for 2, tds.
All right, i'm writing that down.
I don't necessarily like him for mvp because i don't think he'll have enough catches, because he's usually like a 2 for 15, 3 for 20 guy.
But he might catch a five yard touchdown and run for another one and then run for another first down.
Any, any fourth and one third and one goal line and one, he's going to be with the ball.
That's like that push guy.
But can we talk about how ridiculous plus 230 is for any time touchdown?
Barner, when there's JSN, there's Diggs, there's the quarterbacks who can run it in.
There's Kenneth Walker.
Come on.
We can move these up to more than plus 230.
Well, so Drake's plus 290.
JSN's minus 110.
This is for any time.
Marcus Jones is 22 to one for a TD.
I just want to bring him up again.
The new England defense is plus eight 50.
The new England defense is 40 to one for the first TD.
Wow.
And I bring that up for this reason.
Cause God, who led the league in turnovers this year?
The Seahawks, right?
What quarterback?
Oh, Darnold at 14 interceptions.
Did he also fumble combined?
Sam Darnold had 20 turnovers this year.
He had the most turnovers in the league.
The number two guy was Gino Smith at 18.
And the number three guy was Tua Tagliabuella at I think 15.
Sam Darnold had the most turnovers in the league.
I know.
In the league.
And up until week 18, San Francisco, everybody's like, I don't know.
The San Francisco is a one and a half point favorites on the road, missing half their team.
We were like, I don't know.
Sam Darnold gets to the playoffs.
I don't know.
Looked really good against the Rams.
Sam Darnold.
I trust him completely.
Are you sure?
We've seen him flame out these games.
No, I think he throws one for sure.
What did we talk about?
Plus 200 for, for both, uh, to throw one up.
It's a long game.
I agree.
So that new, so a pick six basically.
Uh, New England could also be a fumble recovery or strip sack plus 850.
But that first touchdown, 40 to 1.
That's fun.
That's a fun one.
I had a combination here.
Diggs and Walker first touchdown.
Because there's like a million combinations offered on Fandle.
But, if you like, the idea that Diggs is going to score and kw3.
I feel like you did this a couple years ago and it seemed great on paper and then it didn't work.
Are you saying i offered a super bowl prop and it didn't come to fruition?
No, i mean, there was a year ago.
There was a year where you were like these are great, you get this guy or this guy, i know, but this guy or this guy gives you a couple lot that then you know, if you have digs or jsn and seattle's at the eight yard line, you're kind of screwed right like you, just you're.
And then Tonga gets the first touchdown.
Diggs or Walker, first touchdown plus 260.
Fine, I'm just saying there are a lot of fun combinations out there.
So what was your favorite combination?
Diggs-Walker.
Your boy, Stefan, it's plus 260.
Either one of those is the first touchdown.
I have my favorite long shot for this.
If this is your Gary Russell bet, I apologize in advance.
Don't do it.
They won't be.
Does your Gary Russell bet, is it the last name begins with a T?
No.
Okay.
Tonga for a touchdown is 75 to one.
Okay.
This is something the Patriots have been doing last few games.
They bring in this huge defensive tackle they have.
And in the last game, they brought in him and Milt Williams together, which was nuts.
They've been bringing in Tonga.
Patriots coach Mike Vrabel, famously used by Belichick to be a blocking back or like a tight end person, but then would catch balls.
And I think there's some crazy stat like he has more touchdown catches than it's like five Hall of Famers who played in Super Bowls.
Right.
And I wonder if there's some Vrabel symmetry with him getting some non receiver, non running back, not interested in, like Tonga just ran.
Oh my God.
Tonga.
It's the first touchdown of his career.
I like that.
I flagged lineman scores a touchdown plus 1100.
Obviously not as good as 75 to one, but you got lineman covers that covers everybody on both teams.
Both teams variables, devious nature.
You got Seattle at the one yard line.
Maybe they want to put the whole Malcolm Butler thing.
The rest like here's a fake barn or barn.
That It's Barner throwing to number 64.
Someone 60 pounds heavier than Barner, whoever it is.
Plus 1,100.
Not bad.
I just, I really feel like Vrabel is going to pass it on.
Yeah.
If he has the chance to pass it on to somebody.
And also, this is McDaniel, and they do weird shit when they're close to the goal line in big games.
McDaniel has done this his whole life.
Tonga 75-21.
The, the, uh, Drake, his odds were plus two 90.
He's 30 to one for two touchdowns.
And when you see them around the goal line, like they, they did the Josh Allen quarterback draw play for him.
Yeah.
Um, but if he's not healthy, who knows?
For the playoffs he's 24 for one, 41 rushing with a TD, and then uh, the JSN bet.
So him being minus one 10, he's 12 touchdowns in 19 games.
Hmm.
Out of those 12 touchdowns, only two of them were two touchdown games.
So he's scored in 10 of the 19 games.
I don't think the minus 110 are good enough odds for him.
That's the dirty little secret.
None of these are good enough, really.
But it's fun to bet two or more.
That's a good one.
Because if they play 75 times... you might score.
But yeah, the two pluses are fun.
But how many touchdowns are expected in this game?
Five?
I don't know.
Depends if the... I think it's five.
Five and a half?
Is that what the number is?
On Sunday night, I was like, this is going to be like a 30-27.
I think we can move the ball on their defense.
And now that Drake's Not as healthy, I wonder.
Is this going to be a chew up the clock when you have the ball kind of game?
I would like to get a separate box of the FanDuel CEO and everybody watching us discuss this.
And they're like these idiots just named 35 players to score a touchdown when there's only five and a half touchdowns expected in this game.
You think that's going on behind our back?
Probably.
I think they're probably laughing and being like, these guys, this is great.
Every year.
Their bets are terrible.
Speaking of FanDuel, Super Bowl LX?
Are you calling it 60 or LX?
I got to go 60.
60 is upon us.
Unfortunately, that means it's the last call for football.
How are you feeling?
I'm not feeling that great.
I know you set the stage nicely with the Saturday before, but I don't know how we're going to get through this.
I really don't.
Well, We're doing all of our props.
We're doing all of our predictions all week long.
But FanDuel has a $6 million TD jackpot.
Place any time TD bet on the Super Bowl, the jackpot token applied.
And if the selected player scores the first TD or the last TD, not only do you win your bet, you get to split the prize pool with the others who selected the same TD score.
If you take Tonga, that means who are you splitting it with?
Well, now it's going to be a bunch of people.
So we can go first or last, TD.
We want to go first.
I like Barner at 12 to one for the first TD, but I'm going to be outruled by you.
What's your favorite?
No, if you like that, that's fine.
I and I think you got to go big numbers here because, like I said, those first four or five are not worth it.
At plus one, 40 and 30 and all those.
So I would say Cooper cup, but if Barner is a good, you stayed your case.
I like it.
It's fine.
Barner.
I can get, I can get the first and goal from the one following the pass interference.
Yep.
Little tush push thing.
Or maybe they try to run in, they couldn't get it.
Now it's third and one and they bring them in.
I could get a little play action.
I wouldn't be excited at all.
You'd be so pumped.
Yeah, Barner, we're down 10-0.
I'm just going to be silently by myself, just freaking out.
That's our pick for the jackpot.
Listen to Bill Simmons' podcast all week and the Ringer Gambling Show.
And continue to place your bets on FanDuel Sportsbook.
For the big game, FanDuel, play your game.
Okay. rushing stuff.
Drake Bay under 36 and a half or over.
Boy, this moves around so much.
Didn't it already move four yards?
40 plus yards is now plus 108.
50 plus yards is plus 260 is plus 350.
If I knew he was a hundred percent, I would be banging the 50 plus for two to one.
And if it turns out on Wednesday, Thursday, he's cleared.
He's a hundred percent.
50 plus, because I think he's, we've seen it.
He needs to use his legs to help them move the ball.
So that's my first thought.
So you think if he's not 100%, he'd take off more?
There'd be more design quarterback runs?
He's going to get hit, but you're going to get hit, though.
Yeah, maybe he doesn't take the inbounds and everything.
Maybe it's a little more sliding.
Maybe he finds the sideline more, but maybe a couple more.
I don't like tentative Drake, man.
Okay.
And we mentioned the Travion stuff.
70 plus, 14 to 1, 80 plus, 25 to 1.
What was your favorite?
Well, I like the Travion to most rushing yards, although you crushed that with the 80 plus.
It gets 25 to 1.
How about this?
Any player rushes for 205 plus, which would be our Super Bowl record which, by the way, is held by Timmy Smith, who did this Washington against Denver game.
This is this an unbreakable record.
This is a 38 year old record.
He did it in 22 carries.
I feel like at a hundred to one you have a couple with great breakaway speed and ability, with Kenneth Walker and Travion Henderson.
As we met like a hundred to one, 205.
Is this just, Oh, this never going to get beaten.
The problem.
I was looking at Walker.
I actually liked the under for him at 73 and a half, just because the Pat's run day has been so good.
The problem with Walker is he's been a 15 to 19 carry guy, like his whole career.
Right.
Not like a workhorse running back.
He's not like a huge guy.
He's had a bunch of injuries over the years.
And even in that last game, they were pretty careful.
Like they, they brought in, uh, the backup.
They had wide receivers in the backfield a couple times.
They used Barner.
I don't think he'll get to 20 carries, do you?
He kind of gets lost in those holes, though.
I don't want to compare him to Barry Sanders, but you're like oh, he's going to be bottled up after three.
It really is just the explosive play potential, right?
I don't think he's going to do it with six yards a carry for 35 carries.
That's not how he would get this.
But um, and then you're a guy too.
I mean these guys, you don't see this where these guys have gigantic, what'd you say?
69 and 65 yards, that that would help, that would help to get to 205.
You almost need to get two of them.
Yeah, 101 is interesting.
That would be walker, just absolutely murdering us.
Yeah um, so this is for the drake may.
Oh, i'll do the seattle quickly.
I thought the under 73 and a half for Walker, under for the backup Polanyi.
This one was interesting.
JSN, 0.5 rushing yards is the over-under.
I was like, wow, that's low.
They'll just do a sweep of them.
I looked it up.
He said four rushes in September.
They don't use them that way at all because they need them so badly for the past stuff.
Right.
They don't.
They don't run like, like in the beginning of the Seattle Denver game that I was watching, they got the safety.
They ran that quick sweet play with Percy Harvin that always seemed unstoppable when he's in motion full speed and they just hand it off.
Right.
And you would think they would do that with JSM, but they don't, they run that play for Shahid.
So I actually like the under for that.
What was Shahid?
Shahid's probably... Well, Shahid, that's a popular one.
And everyone got killed on that last week.
Right, right, right.
But they tried it.
They ran the one sweep of them.
I mean, look, like we said, this is not where you don't keep the trick plays in the bag, you know?
No.
Well, yeah, you're right.
If you're going to run JSN, this is the week because you're not doing it.
You're zagging.
But the ones I really like, I like these Romandre odds.
His over is 49 and a half.
And you look at like.
So these are like.
Since the Buffalo game that they lost, he was six for 58, seven against the jets.
They took them out against Miami seven for one 31, took them out chargers playoffs, 10 for 53 Houston, 16 for 70.
And then Denver 25 for 71, especially if Drake's not a hundred percent healthy.
They're going to be trying to run the ball.
Yeah.
And the other one, I really liked 20 plus first quarter rushing yards is plus one 74.
And the pats always start out slow.
They try to establish you know, try to keep the ball, move the chains, get some first downs.
20 plus sounds great.
Yeah.
Plus 174.
The tough thing with the first quarter is you don't know if you're getting the ball, right?
Everyone's very, everyone's very conservative, which lends towards your bet winning.
Right.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So, um, and I have some props receiving props that go along with that, but yeah.
How many drives you need for that?
You need two or one.
I need, I need two and maybe even one.
If he busts like a 13 yarder, which he's prone to.
The other one I liked for him was five plus rushing yards each quarter plus two 40.
Hmm.
Just five.
Yeah.
That's a good second quarter.
It'd be the hard one.
Cause you have like the, uh, there's a two minute drill potential.
Then fourth quarter, same thing.
Look, you're stuck with this whole, this Rabel thing.
And he's like now copying like Belichick, how frustrating it was.
Was it for gamblers to?
You know, worked out Superbowl wise for you guys, but you didn't know the snap count for your running backs ever.
Like that was a secret.
Ramondre snap count was split with, with Henderson, like seven weeks, 17 and 18 is as late as that.
Then it was like 94% to 6% in favor of Ramondre Stevenson, which is crazy.
So the Patriots fans still talking about that kick return in the preseason.
Well, even some love here, even somebody like Bobo, I was looking at that.
It's looking up Seahawks snap counts.
It's like Bobo played 19 plays last week.
Seahawks snap counts we're doing.
We have all this.
God bless.
All this shit now.
Yeah, so I think out of all those, my favorite is probably just the over 49 and a half for him.
The straight up.
But I like that 20 plus first quarter.
Any other rushing ones from you?
I have a bunch of receiving.
Okay, let's go to receiving.
Yeah um, spit the jigba 90 plus is minus 128 for receiving, 100 plus is plus 116, 125 plus is plus 265.
It's a lot.
Well, if you like them to win mvp, you're gonna like all those numbers right right, i would at that point just bet the mvp because you get better odds.
The question for me is are the pats going to do the thing where they try to actually take out cup and just hope JSN doesn't go nuts?
Or do they try to take out JSN steer, everything to cup and barner and some of these other guys?
I don't know what the strategy is going to be.
You know the old pats would do to put the two guys on the one on the best and then the yes, next best on that.
So that's interesting.
Make cooper cup beat you.
This is a big spread in terms of your best guy and their best guy 93 and a half for jsn and digs is 43 and a half.
Like have we seen a spread of 50 before in a while?
I don't know, i don't think so, but um Yeah, I mean I have a few here.
Well, let's see.
Do you want to go?
Did you have any?
No, go.
Let me hear them.
All right.
Henry, catch on the first drive, plus 250.
I don't have the data, but to me, and especially if there's shoulder issues, this is good.
Get rid of the butterflies.
First pass.
Short one.
Tight end settles in the first level, four yards over the middle.
I would bet A.J.
Barner at similar odds, right?
Seattle, 29th in the league against tight ends.
So Hunter Henry props in general.
Um, there you go.
So Hunter Henry, anytime touchdowns plus two 30.
But Hunter Henry, where the ball is tipped by six or more Seahawk defenders before he catches, it is also plus two 30.
So lucky.
So look that in, um, Ernest Jones for that too.
Cause Drake's almost thrown picks to linebackers.
I think two straight weeks.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's true.
It's close.
I mean, I got a bunch of Henry over half a receiving yard first quarter.
If you want to do that same kind of thing.
Very conservative plan digs for plus receptions.
They play zone.
Most of the time, Seattle and he's around five catches a game against teams that play zone.
He's like 10 top 10 11 receiver versus his own.
I would go with that.
All right, you go.
I catch my breath there.
My favorite guy for this game, for this category, is Matt Collins, who became a really, really essential, important Patriot who is on the field a lot because he's such a good blocker, and became a trusted Drake guy and then got hurt and missed four games.
Came back last week.
He's 30 plus yards is even.
40 plus receiving yards from his plus 188.
50 plus is plus 310.
70 plus is plus 750.
Wow.
Let me read you some of the big games he's been in this year, in the second half of the year.
Denver last week, two for 51.
Baltimore, seven for 69.
Buffalo, four for 41.
Tampa, six for 106.
Cleveland, seven for 89.
I think my favorite out of all these is the 50 plus yards for him.
Plus 310 yards is the one I would go with because I think he's going, if they fall behind, great for the bet.
He usually has one big play if they're winning, so that's also good for that bet.
Either way, in a weird way, I feel like he's kind of more reliable than digs.
Digs has been really hit or miss in these big games.
He's been awesome.
Carried them in some games, other games, like you forget he's out there.
Yeah.
Um, and he doesn't play all the time either.
Cause they keep his snap count.
Collins is going to be out there a lot.
I do like digs to impregnate a cheerleader before halftime at 30 to one male cheerleader seven, 50 to one.
I don't know.
I've had four kids this year.
It's fine.
Oh, that's it.
All right, your Mac Collins is my Keishon booty because I have him 90 plus yards at plus 880.
And it's kind of the same reasoning as the Travion Henderson thing, right?
Like he busts big plays.
He has longs of 39 twice.
He has a long of 42, a long of 32, which puts him right in the mix.
And if they do focus on digs, So you have 90 plus yards for him?
90 plus is plus 880.
Most receiving yards is plus 1300.
Same rationale as Trey Henderson.
Most receiving yards in the game?
In the game, yeah.
I know that's asking a lot.
Wow.
JSN.
Yeah, that would almost have to be an injury.
Yeah.
I think the cup odds were interesting just because if they do the thing where they try to take out JSN cups, over is 32 and a half.
40-plus yards, plus 136, 50-plus, plus 225.
He has to be out there a lot because he's such a good blocker.
Yeah.
And, you know, he's trying to win a Super Bowl after the Rams gave him up.
I'm sure that'll be a huge story this week, how hurt he was that the Rams kind of cast them aside.
If you're a Cooper Cup, do you let loose that you might retire after this game?
Then you get some MVP love and all that other stuff.
I would just do that every year.
Once you're over 30 as a football player, just do it.
We should say that for this prop thing.
This is probably it, guys.
We're going to retire after year 19.
This is it.
I should start that.
Yeah.
This could be it.
This might be the last time we get to enjoy this.
Never know.
So your favorite out of all these is what?
My personal favorite is 50 plus...
Matt Collins, plus 310.
Your favorite is?
I'm going to go booty 90 plus at plus 880.
That would be my favorite.
Yeah.
But there's a couple Seattle guys too, like Helani, over nine and a half receiving caught 27 last week.
For you know backfields all thinned out.
Plus running backs, I think account for 25 of New England's allowed receptions, which is the third highest.
You know.
Everyone's got Kenneth Walker over 20 and a half.
So I don't love that as much, but he did have 78 and two playoff games.
He did it five times before that.
That's about it.
I do feel good about our defensive line against like putting real pressure on Darnold.
I think they kind of lucked out with who they played the last few weeks.
And I thought the Rams defensive line was disappointing last week, but no Charbonnet, who was their big pass pro guy.
Right.
The fact that This guy Holani, has to probably actually be out there at least what 25 of the snaps.
So that might help your catch bet if he's a better blocker.
Defensive stuff really quickly.
I mentioned Lawrence was plus 122 for a sack.
Lawrence having a sack in each half was 10 to 1.
He only has six sacks on the air, so it's not as enticing as it looks.
Interceptions, other than the Marcus Jones one.
Woodson... on the Pats, rookie safety, 24 years old.
He's 9-1 for a pick.
I think he's been playing really well the last few weeks and he's always around the ball and he's either had a pick or dropped a pick.
I'm telling you, his hands are on the ball.
That one jumped out to me.
And then Ernest Jones mentioned him earlier 11 to one on that little seven yarder over the middle that either gets tipped or Drake doesn't see the guy.
Right.
I thought those were my two favorite interception ones.
I like, I think we load up on this category because this could be a sloppy game.
We sort of like both players to throw an interception, maybe even more than that.
So let's just take the best.
There is like, let's take Christian Gonzalez at plus six 50 red hot.
I had one against the Broncos.
You know, if you think Darnold, with 14 on the year, is going to throw one, you might as well cover your bet with the and some of the fumbles.
Yeah.
He's dying.
He's dying to give us the ball.
There you go.
And so I like them.
I like him and Yuri on the other side for Seattle to take one.
I think there could be like a safety blitz again.
Like they're going to.
They're going to, like they're not going to leave anything you know left unfold.
Like I feel like, I know he's against tight ends.
He's not the best, but you know, uh, may already took 15 sacks.
So if you can get plus six 50, six 40 for an M in your, that's a sack.
Actually, that's not for an interception.
So I like all the sack bets for Seattle for the odds of them, just based on the fact that the Patriots have been giving up sacks.
Yeah.
Even though Seattle had one.
They're basically one sack a week the last couple of weeks, but maybe this is the week they break out.
Some random stuff before we get to your really goofy stuff.
No touchdown in the game is 175 to one.
Double overtime is 101 on FanDuel.
Wow.
A correct score repeat of the Malcolm Butler game.
Patriots 28.
Saw that.
Seattle 24 is 350 to one.
And then National Anthem.
National Anthem as of right now.
119.5 seconds.
Yeah.
Minus one 10.
Okay.
Take us through some of the wacky ones.
Well, let me, let me just read a couple more that uh, before we get to the pregame and everything else uh, I'm picking the game right now.
I'm going to say 33, 20 Seahawks at 250 to one, um that that Patriots score 20 points is 10 to one.
21 is 19 to one.
I know you hate that.
Uh Minus 500.
That Chris Collinsworth calls the Seahawks blowout when a good old-fashioned ash kicking.
So that's going to happen.
Ash kicking.
I don't know if he's heard.
I've heard him say that before.
Bill, come on.
I'm sorry.
You know, these guys are getting ash on the side, you know, this seemed mean, but Fandle put it up.
Seattle who attempt to pass at the one is plus six 50.
That's a Malcolm Butler, you know, a nod.
Like I feel like this, if you're Pete Carroll, do you bet this as an emotional edge?
I just, Pete Carroll can't watch.
He can't.
It's awful.
Like he's three and four.
He takes his team to three and 14.
He watches Gino Smith get ruined.
He's 74 years old.
That's your miserable swan song in the NFL.
He's fired in disgrace.
He wants to be left alone.
Here's two more weeks of the Malcolm Butler play, followed by an uninspiring Raiders hire which is going to further remind you of uh, he has a job, apparently.
That's right.
I think that's it.
Did that go?
Did that uh?
Bust a break already.
All right, would you hire the?
Would you hire a guy before you made sure he was good in the super bowl?
You know that's not worked before.
Right, what was it?
Was it the philly gonna be nervous to be aggressive in the super bowl, or less course?
Yeah, i mean donald's gonna throw eight interceptions now because uh, because of this um team, the score three times in a row.
I'm not doing you any favors with the VIG minus 166.
The Eagles scored six times in a row last year.
The year before, the Chiefs scored three in a row.
The Bengals did it in the Super Bowl out here with SoFi.
This happened in four of the last six, 16 and 10.
So you basically need like, the last two of the second quarter and then you also have the ball in the third quarter.
Could be a field goal in there kind of thing.
I think this should be minus 220 or minus 230.
Yeah.
Let me see.
Sorry.
Sorry. did we mention the kicker props about like total number of points scored by the kickers?
I always thought that was a good one.
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
Well Seattle, Seattle's kicker to have 10 points or more.
That I thought there was good juice on that.
I like that.
Right.
Uh, did you have tie Patriots last week for Denver, the Denver game that one house has 16 to one.
We didn't, we didn't actually bet it in real life.
You didn't make a big, big enough deal out of that.
Yeah.
It's also 16 to one.
If you like, the Seahawks and a lot more if you want uh, the Patriots.
What is it for the Patriots?
I didn't look because they're not going to win.
I didn't feel it mattered.
But i will say, such a dick pat's over nine and a half, second half is minus 128.
Don't you like that a little bit?
In almost any case like their second half team, even if they have to come back, that's especially good.
Yeah, always second and third quarter seem to be the quarters, but all right, a quarterback shoulder might not work positive.
I'm ready for the.
Uh, i'm ready for the.
The nonsensical stuff, the novelty props.
Okay, go.
Well, you said one 19 and a half.
This is Charlie Puth singing, right?
I think he's friends with our, our buddy Daniel.
So it'd be nice if we could find out what that is.
But um, this has gone under, and three of the last four, uh Three of the last seven though, have come within seconds of this.
So and there's no evidence of, you know, usually you could go to YouTube seeing him.
He played this on the piano in a minute and 13 seconds.
But that's a bad indicator.
So what I would rather do is last brave home of the brave that's held over under three and a half seconds.
I'm going over.
This is your time to show off Charlie Puth, right?
And I think you know it's tough because they'll say brave, and then director almost always cuts to the fighter jets.
And so you don't really know when the brave ends and you end up arguing with a guy from Antigua on the on the phone calling you, Mr Saul, trying to get your money back.
But those are the old days.
This is Fandle.
They're going to pay up over three and a half.
So there you go.
Yeah, that is.
There was one time, I can't remember, we were watching together and we had no idea when the song actually ended, because they cut to the fly away.
And we were like, what happened?
Was there an extra second in there?
They're too loud, these fighter jets.
Is there any way we can get inside information from PR agent of the stars, Louis K?
That would be nice.
I mean, he steered us, did he steer us right or wrong with this before?
Steered us right twice.
He did.
Okay.
He's freaking out.
He did.
And then he got really upset that we talked about it on a podcast.
So we said we wouldn't do that again.
We'll never do that again.
But Lewis, come on.
Except for the two times he gave us winners.
Yeah.
Does he represent Charlie Puth?
He should just for this.
You can lose him as a client after the game.
Will a player or coach cry during the anthem?
I saw this.
I say no, plus 184.
I think it's worth it.
You need to see a visible tear running down the cheek.
That's how it's explained on FanDuel.
That's a pretty big threshold.
What do you think?
It's a tough one.
I think in this social media era you're going to fight off the tears more than you would in like 1990, where you cry and it's just the moment comes and goes.
Now, if you cry...
You're a meme for the next two days, potentially, especially if your team loses.
I think you fight the tears off.
I'm going no.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'm the same way.
Like the one they go to is the Sirianni, like crying like a 12 year old at a Taylor Swift concert.
But I don't think we see that again.
I don't think I think, you know.
Yeah.
Sirianni can't really be compared to other humans.
Right.
Right.
Just in general.
I would say no.
Coin toss, tails, heads, minus 104.
See if you can find a better VIG than that.
The winner of the coin toss, this was interesting, is 25 and 34 in the Super Bowl only.
Is that true?
If you're smart, you'll try to lose the coin toss.
Tails is 31-28.
Tails has won two of the last three years, eight of the last 12.
The last time the Super Bowl was in Santa Clara, it came up tails.
I'm going with tails.
I wouldn't say it's never fails, but I think it's the pick.
What do you got?
You have to be on record.
What are you saying?
This is where you and I, both of them love gambling.
This is where we break.
This is where I wave goodbye.
I can't bet the coin toss.
I just can't.
I don't care about the history of it.
It's just, I did, I've lost it.
It's just like, you might as well.
You have to lose a thousand dollars before the game even starts to consider yourself a traditional.
I was more excited.
There were bets about uh, at least on FanDuel Canada.
There were bets on temperature uh Of the game and it had these five-degree radiuses, but it was all in Celsius.
And even though I graduated with a master's degree, I couldn't understand the Celsius.
I did the conversion.
You converted them?
So it's between 16 to 20 degrees Celsius is minus 125.
That's 61 to 68 degrees Fahrenheit.
Oh, I think it's going to be lower.
I think we're going to be in the high 50s.
Oh, really?
Oh, I think that's a good range.
I don't know.
I think you get plus one...
That seems too good to be true.
I mean, that'd be amazing for the Patriots.
Drake Bay hasn't played a game in normal weather since like mid-November.
Can you tease that to 74 degrees plus 10 and a half?
How about a spando?
Can we tease the Patriots with the degrees?
Tease it down to over 51 degrees.
There is a weird one.
How do they know what the weather is a week from now?
I've never understood that.
Well, that's a big range, though.
They don't.
They probably don't.
I mean, even last week they were saying how, yeah, there might be some flurries in the second half.
It was a fucking blizzard.
I've been betting on the weather for a while.
And it gives me an excuse to go outside.
I do kind of like it.
I do like betting on the weather.
There is a weird one, that the coin is flipped and it gets lodged in JSN's throat, rendering him ineligible for the game.
Pats gets so lucky.
That's plus 250.
Um, Cardi B, how many times they show her?
Odds are she's with craft.
I would think at this point I don't know if they're going to go less craft camera time or they'll be the same amount of camera time.
Uh, I think they show her at least four times.
Really?
Oh, wow.
It's only one and a half.
Oh, over.
Over.
Oh, okay.
Oh, I'm going to hit that.
She just sang on SNL.
Yeah.
She's huge right now.
They'll show her.
All right.
Does she wear a Stefan Diggs jersey?
Yes, it's plus 170.
Or does she have like an outfit change?
It could be like a Chrome Hearts type of specially made Stefan Diggs jersey that has like stuff on it.
I could see that.
Okay.
Yeah, I could see that.
All right.
Except bad luck though.
Uh no, i actually think she does wear it.
You know that she's also like minus 250 to appear with uh bad bunny, so that that could happen too.
So you might see uh, she has two opportunities to wear the jersey.
Uh gatorade, i know you don't love this orange.
No, i like this more than the coin toss.
Okay, orange plus 230, blue plus 250 yellow lime green, you get all three for plus 260.
Yellow green last year, one with the Eagles, plus 260.
Orange way too chalky at plus 230 for something that's happened once in eight years.
But go ahead.
Does it have to be the Gatorade for both teams?
Is it the same color on each sideline?
I can't remember.
Oh, I don't think so.
No, I think that was always a thing.
Like this team might go one way, this team the other.
Because if it's the Seahawks, they're going to go yellow, lime, green, right?
That goes with the jerseys.
With the Patriots, probably like a blue or a red.
I've been wrong about all this almost every year and I love it.
I love going with it, but what about, it's the last bet of the game.
Like the game's over at that point.
This is it.
It's our farewell.
Other than the guy crying and the podium.
Well, that I'll get to that in a second, but plus 1100 for water slash clear.
I like that 17 years ago, water slash clear at a four year run.
So people are health conscious now.
I kind of like that at a plus 1100.
That would be my pick.
Is there a bet for the Pats winning and Vrabel doing the Can You Dig It on the podium?
Because they've embraced this whole Warriors movie thing.
I haven't seen it.
I don't know if you've been following this.
Because they've been the road warriors.
They're 9-0 on the road.
This will be their 10th road win.
And they're really pushing this road thing.
Matt Collins came in last week.
He was doing the bottles.
The only thing they haven't really done yet is the Can You Dig It, Cyrus' famous speech.
Right.
Okay, if that happens, put odds on me not doing the podcast, because you're going to have to tag Joe House and emotionally I'm not going to be able to do it.
Yeah, next week, no matter who wins, we're not going live until after the podium, because I actually like some of the podium.
Yeah, after like the first two and then we'll come on.
It's fun.
All right, so the very last thing to bet on is the MVP who he thanks, right?
God is minus 290, teammates plus 210.
And listen, let me just say something.
I'm happy for everyone who thanks Jesus.
It's great that faith is such a strong presence in their lives.
But if God is as great as everyone wants him or her to be, then they have to forgive you for not mentioning them first when you're handed the MVP award.
Your teammates though, who risked their lives, getting their heads bashed in for 21 weeks, and are right there next to you, may not be as forgiving if they're not mentioned and you're standing right next to them.
I would say plus 210 for teammates.
Hopefully this sinks in.
So it's teammates plus 210.
God is who is what?
God is who is a very tough question.
No, God, what are the odds on God?
Minus 290 for God.
Anybody else in there?
Coach?
There is coach.
Wait, hold on.
Let me see if I can find it.
Because Drake May is a wild card to thank his brothers first.
He's very close to his brothers.
God, religious figure, minus 290.
Teammates, plus 210.
Family, plus 1260.
That's who you like for Drake May?
Fans, 18 to 1.
Drake would go teammates first.
And I think Sam Darnold would too, unless he uses the opportunity to tell the Vikings to fuck off, which I don't think he would do.
Interesting.
That's not in there.
Nobody thanks the coach.
That's the longest shot at 25 to 1.
Even Kraft would get 18 to 1 if that happened.
Oh, our special guest is here for Parent Corner.
Oh, he is.
Jimmy Kimmel.
Hey, Jimmy.
I know I was going to tell you to log in, but it worked and we're live on Netflix.
So we can't do this.
Hey, I've been, you know, I've been saying that, Ted Sarandos.
I said would you please bring public access television to the wow?
And here we are.
It's even worse in public access.
You'd, you'd go to a place, you'd go to a studio.
We're in 4k baby.
I'm yelling at the kids to be quiet.
Wait, Sal was just going through the props and there's a Super Bowl.
Is it the MVP?
Yeah, so who do the MVP thanks first, Jimmy?
So on the podium, and you can go teammates, you can go God, you can go coach, you can go family and friends, whatever.
Who do we think the MVP is going to be, just to start with?
The easiest is to either quarterback.
Both of them we think would go teammates first.
Oh, you think so?
Yeah.
Okay.
God is the big favorite at minus 290.
Yeah.
God's always the big favorite, isn't he?
He kind of has some control over this too.
I would, I guess I would go with God.
I'd have to go with God.
Go ahead.
Oh, you throw God in a parlay.
Can we put God in a same game parlay?
By the way, I'm looking at this God.
Yeah.
Bowen Yang is 35 to one.
I don't know why anyone would be thanked.
Yeah.
I don't know why anyone would thank him, but he is.
Here's one for you.
What, what?
You know?
What are the numbers?
As far as um will Aaron Rogers apologizing.
Apologize for suggesting that I was in the Epstein.
It's probably like 10 to one.
Hmm.
He hasn't apologized yet.
We're still waiting on that one.
No, I'm waiting for that and his wife.
Listen, I don't want to put a pin in it, Jimmy, but there are still a million documents out there.
So you are not nearly in the clear yet.
What was the other?
So we had, how many times will they show Cardi B was another prop?
Because she's going to be there on behalf of Stephon Diggs.
And the over-under is one and a half.
I went way over.
I think they show her at least four times.
Yeah, it's got to be over one and a half.
It's got to be two, right?
It's got to be two times.
At least two.
At least once a half.
They don't count if she performs, do they?
Is that part of the... It's during the... Oh, man.
I have to look.
Oh, that's interesting.
That would be a...
That would be, yeah, I think that should count.
If she's on the broadcast.
I think it's a kickoff to end the game.
I think it is.
Yeah, that counts.
If she's a cameo.
How do they keep this stuff so quiet as far as who's going to perform?
I mean, there have to be a thousand people in that stadium rehearsing.
How do they keep this quiet?
Well, that's why the couple of the years when our friend Louis K was working, Oh, yeah.
And he was feeding us illegally stuff that we could gamble on.
We got very upset that we talked about it on the podcast.
We told him not to, that we wouldn't do that again.
But I guess I just asked him.
He's usually so rah-rah about these things.
Like, yeah, go ahead.
Is he repping Bad Bunny now, too?
Well, that's what we wanted him to try to sign Charlie Puth before Sunday.
To see, because then we would find out the national anthem is 119.5 seconds.
That's right.
Doesn't our friend Daniel know Charlie Puth?
I said that.
I know.
Can we get word to... He does know.
He knows everybody.
Yeah, he does.
Sal, the only bet before we do a special mega edition of Parent Corner.
The only bet you didn't do was the Gary Russell Memorial prop.
Let's do it.
So can we do that with Jimmy?
Jimmy, you know the story.
We did this.
Can I set it up?
I'll set it up.
Set it up.
You do it.
All right.
So Gary Russell.
So every year I come on this podcast the week before the Super Bowl and try to pick an obscure player to do something positive.
Right.
So it's usually like a backup tight end to catch a pass for a half a yard.
And I've won with some no names like Henry Hanowski and Fozzie Whitaker.
I usually lose.
But the first year we did this, actually, Jimmy, we watched the Super Bowl at your house.
It was Pittsburgh versus Arizona.
And it was 17 years ago tonight.
It was February 1st, 2009.
Wow, what an anniversary.
Haven't seen it in newspapers or anything.
Happy anniversary, Gary Russell.
So I had Gary Russell to not score a touchdown, minus 140.
He was the backup running back, Steelers running back to fast Willie Parker.
Um, his first carry inside the two, he lost four yards.
I'm like, they can't go back to him.
Well, they did.
I was like, give it the fast forward.
No, they gave it to Gary Russell touchdown.
Yeah.
And, as legend has it, it was an actual long email that we got that I got from a man.
He says he, he and a woman were at a super bowl party.
They didn't know each other.
They noticed that the other was laughing after the gary russell touchdown and they got to talking and they were fans of the podcast.
They're like oh, is it because cousin sal?
But yeah yeah, so anyway, they hook up.
They end up getting married because of this prop.
Yeah, so happy 17th anniversary.
Or, more likely, sorry about the divorce.
Right, is that how it goes with this?
Yeah, It's either a happy memory or a terrible memory for them, but it's one or the other.
Yeah.
That's nice.
It led to a marriage.
I'm trying to imagine a woman sitting through this show and listening to it.
Plus 165, plus 238.
It's not adding up to me.
I don't know what's going on there, but happy anniversary.
He's just taking shots at us.
They love public access.
Women don't listen to us.
You know that.
We have Obama listening to this.
Yeah, that's true.
Barry O's listening to us.
That's true.
Did I tell that story last time?
You did.
You told the story.
He's probably not listening anymore.
I was more excited about that than either one of you.
I don't know what it was.
It really was.
I couldn't wait to get out of the groove.
Probably.
So Sal, what do you have for this year?
Let me just say it's been tougher and tougher to come up with these because we know all the backups.
We know some of the third strings, but I think I came across a doozy which is really going to turn some heads here.
Here we go.
Drum roll, please.
Cahal for my Gary Russell annual prop pick of the year.
Here we go.
Brady Russell, Seahawks fullback to score a touchdown at 40 to 1 odds.
Now, you might say, is he related to Gary Russell?
I didn't even know who that was.
He is not related to Gary Russell.
He's wider than a sheet and he has long hair.
But just the fact that his name is Brady Russell. perhaps one and two in Boston sports legends.
And the Patriots didn't sign this guy.
Yeah.
The university of Colorado.
This is payback for Brady.
How did the Patriots not sign a guy?
He should be on the team.
This is like Seattle having a guy named Marshawn Griffey, Jr.
The Patriots.
Or New England having it.
Yes, that's right.
Plus his last name is Russell tying back to the 17th anniversary of our guy, Gary Russell.
Right.
No relation.
Brady Russell.
So I think Clint Kubiak now the Raiders coach or in eight days, whatever switched him from tight end to fullback.
Couple issues.
He only has one target this year, and his hand is kind of injured, I think, from the one target.
I think he gets a handoff at the goal line.
You don't want to go through any of that nonsense again, like Pete Carroll did with the right.
This guy gets the handoff.
Brady Russell touchdown lives in infamy.
40 to one odds.
Go get it.
Put it in on Fando right now.
I think Fando should promote this as a special bet.
See, you'll have Seahawks to win with Brady Russell.
And that would be like, I don't know, 60 to one or something.
I'd be curious to see what happens to the numbers.
Now that you've mentioned it, it's, it's, I mean, you got to get that bit in fast, right?
It's that, it's that just changed the Brady Russell market.
Yeah.
Fandle is loving this.
That's great.
All free money.
There you go.
Brady Russell.
Do it.
We brought you on for parent corner.
You came on at the start of the football season and your son, Your son Billy, quite a character uh, is still in his apex mountain for parent corner.
This is the sweet spot when the kids are really the little boys between eight and 10.
I think our, I think that's the funniest stage.
Yeah.
Some people might say six to 10, but the second half of their first decade is when the comedy really comes, comes on.
So we haven't seen you in a couple of months.
You're going to tell us some Billy stories.
Well, he's still very focused on his penis.
He's still all about the penis.
And we showed the kids Happy Gilmore, which they'd never seen before.
It was one of those things like, should we show this to them?
I was like, you know what, I'm going to show them.
And now, you know, that montage where Happy Gilmore's got the, you know, gas pump between his legs.
Everything's a penis, you know?
Yeah.
Billy does that now all the time.
Anything cylindrical is a penis.
You know, chopsticks, pool noodles, broomsticks, whatever.
Hot dogs, carrots.
He's got them all sticking out of his pants.
And he walks around...
He's really a lot like Sal.
I mean, sometimes I just say to Molly, what happened?
Tell me the truth.
Something happened with Sal because he's much more like Sal as a child than he was like me.
And Sal is an inexplicable child.
Simmons, whatever you've seen from Sal, multiply it by 40 to 1 by Brady Russell.
And that's what Sal was like when he was a kid.
But billy's got this super weird thing and this is it was a very sal type of thing like he'll walk in the room and his penis is out, like he's got to either like like kind of up over his, the elastic of his pants, or just flat out, and we'll see him, we'll go all right, all right, all right, put your penis away.
And he's like what do you mean?
And it's like just come on, put your penis, Put your penis away.
He's like, my penis isn't out.
And he's like, all right, that's funny.
Put your penis away.
He will keep it until he is crying.
He'll be like, why are you saying this?
My penis isn't out.
Penis is out.
It's just there.
Penis theater.
So he's praying at night.
He's weirdly religious.
Like I find on my YouTube subscription, all these Jesus-like chairs.
Oh, wow.
Really?
Yeah.
Did you tell him about the Super Bowl prop for minus 290 for God?
You got to get him in on that.
Who does Billy think first?
Yeah.
He says, and I've written some of these things down so I can remember this.
He says, thank you, God, for my squiggly wiggly and my two big ones.
That's his balls.
He has nicknames for it.
He says he names his penis.
It changes every three days.
Is this right now?
It's Jiggly Birkenstock.
Jake is his penis.
His name like it.
We bought him a wetsuit so we could go in the ocean in the wintertime.
And he just immediately peed in it like immediately before he even got in the ocean.
He folded his penis up, like, you know, kind of tuck fold type of situation.
And he walks in the room and, you know, we're in there and my daughter's in there.
He goes, Jane, you have a little sister.
He also would really like my wife.
He really wants Molly to touch his penis.
I mean, he's just constantly going, bite it, touch it.
Mom squish my pickle and molly doesn't.
You know she doesn't go over any of this stuff and blame me.
That's good yeah, game of thrones, it might work.
That's about it.
He also will um, squeeze molly's butt, and he does it to us too.
But molly the most he like, it's like um, like a stress ball for him or something, and um, like before he leaves for school, he he'll double back and he'll squeeze her with with both hands.
And he says, I got to save that up for the whole day.
So now and I don't know if I told you guys about this, but he's, he walked.
We were in a hotel and he walked in on us.
Um, it's pitch black, it's it's late at night and just in as we're about to make oh wow, i'm so glad that's still happening.
Yeah yeah yeah, when we weren't sure that we didn't know what he saw because it hadn't happened yet, you know.
But um, We weren't sure what he saw and we were hoping that he wouldn't remember in the morning.
Like he was kind of sleepwalking or whatever, because we wound up like walking him back to his bed.
I had to like flip the other way, but he didn't remember in the morning and we were relieved that he didn't remember.
But then three days later we're sitting at breakfast and he goes, his sister again.
He goes.
Oh Jane, I forgot to tell you something.
And Molly and I immediately knew what he was going to tell her.
And he starts telling her and we started like, what?
What?
And Jane's like angry at us and mortified and immediately knows something is going on.
And now he brings it up just like out of the blue.
Once every like 11 or 12 days, he brings, he just brings it up and he goes, and I know what you did.
He'll say when we told him we were hugging what you did and he doesn't believe.
Oh, yeah.
He is like he doesn't believe it at all.
And neither one of them believes us now.
And he'll threaten to bring it up around other people.
He's like well, if you do that, I'm going to tell you where, like i'm a grandma.
Well, you were like don't you not talk about this?
And then the other night he's got this uh, stuffed animal and he's like kind of like he's laying down and he's got this stuffed animal like on top of him and he's just kind of like bouncing the animal up and down and he says um, this is what you did to dad.
He's terrorizing us with this.
This is unbelievable.
I saw when we came to your first show, when you returned and Billy was there wreaking havoc for five minutes.
And I looked over at Sal and I've never seen Sal happier and more proud.
It's the greatest.
Like he watched a trained assassin take assassin warfare to another level.
He was so delighted i had to explain to him, like when you come to my work and that is not, it's not so you can scare people because you like to do is just like hide in the closet, just jump out and scare people, everyone at work, and you know no one's used to this, and then no one could see anything because it's right.
So it makes it extra horrible, you know?
Oh yeah, he was on outside.
He was outside um, just outside the house, like right outside the house, and he's playing with jane and he says i have to poop and jane said poop in the bush.
And next thing you know he is pooping in the bush.
Oh my lord, that was when our housekeeper decided to come up the stairs.
Oh no, he's very particular about what he wears.
Um, We will lay out clothes for him every night so we can get going in the morning.
And every morning he chooses an entirely different outfit.
He dresses like a cat burglar.
He's in all black.
He's got a hoodie on.
He's like the burglar in the security company commercials.
You know, that's what he looks like.
He looks like, he dresses like he's one of part of one of those roving gang Chilean gangs who break into celebrities homes.
He's got all black on and then he's got a gold chain, you know, and And he loves NBA stuff.
It's all LeBron and whatever he loves.
He likes Messi, too, even though we've never watched a moment of soccer on television.
But he likes the merchandising part of it.
And sometimes at night, we hear him talking, and he's talking to Alexa.
He's got one of those Alexa devices right next to his bedside, and he asks Alexa.
These are real questions that he has asked Alexa.
First of all, he asks her about the weather, like more than an 85-year-old man.
Yeah.
Seven times a day.
That sounds like your dad.
Yeah.
He asked Alexa.
He said, Alexa, if it was negative zero outside and I was naked, how long could I survive?
There's a lot of questions about natural disasters, about tornadoes, if they ever come to California.
When is an earthquake coming?
Wow.
That's a lot of questions I'm asking.
Alexa, how big is your butt?
You know, that kind of stuff.
And then Alexa, it is funny listening to Alexa answer these questions.
Does Alexa upbraid him or get mad or does she try to answer?
She says, I wish I could answer a question like that, but you know, it gets in the whole routine.
And he's crazy about the iPad.
They both are nuts.
Like kids don't need any more toys.
And there are no other toys necessary.
It's just all in the, in the iPad, you know?
It's so true.
You don't need Legos, any of that stuff anymore.
That, that air is gone.
Molly's mother fainted and had to go to the hospital.
And Molly was like, I'm going to, it was going to leave.
She was going to go to the hospital and the kids were upset.
And Billy was upset.
And he said, do you think to help take our minds off it, we could have iPad time?
Oh my God.
He's so smart.
So Sal, I don't know if I told you this, but on New Year's Eve we were um, We were planning to go to Sal's house.
Sal usually has a party at the house, but like everyone else out of town, and Sal wasn't planning to have a party.
We just assumed there was going to be one.
So then Sal was like, yeah, you guys could come over.
It's like, all right, we'll stay at home.
So we're at home and we decide that we're going to watch Happy Gilmore 2 the four of us you know, in bed New Year's Eve.
And we are You know, this is this was a bad year.
Twenty twenty five.
We're anxious to see it go.
And I don't know what I had, why I had it in my head that once it was over, it would like then we'd have a good year.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But we're we're ready for it to be done.
And and I swear to God, this is exactly as it happened.
We watched the movie.
We watched the nine o'clock ball in New York.
You know, we watched the ball come down.
Um, we're up a little while Billy goes in the bathroom.
We're in bed and then Billy comes back into the room and he goes there are worms in my poop.
And I say, what?
He's like, there were worms in my poop.
You know, I don't know if he's joking or whatever.
And I go in the bathroom and I look in the toilet and, sure enough, there are a whole bunch of white little worms pinworms in which I guess is a common thing, but none of my kids ever had this before.
Yeah.
And, um, that's how we rang in the new year.
That's how we ended 2025.
See, I would count that toward 2025.
It is part of 2025.
Yeah, I think that's thrown in the 2025 pile.
We made the mistake of thinking we were in the clear by 10 p.m., but it turned out we weren't.
So yeah, you can really count 1201 as the official new start.
So worms, how did you fix that?
Was there medication?
You have to drink this banana-flavored poison, and everyone in the house has to drink it.
And you got to change all the sheets.
And so I was.
I don't know how I got this job, but Every night for the next week I practically boiled the sheets on the sanitary setting on the thing and then had to change all three beds every night.
You should have lied to him and said he got the worms because he pooped in the bush.
Oh, interesting.
There was too much time between.
And you know what?
I wasn't thinking on my feet at the time.
I was just like.
I really just wanted to scream like crazy what is happening here?
I remember our kids got lice and that seemed horrible, but the worms in the poop is like 20 times worse.
We've had lice too.
Now i feel bad.
If i hadn't had a new year's party, we would have had the worms in my toilet.
Uh right yeah, you would be washing your sheets.
I know, yeah.
So we took the kids to their first kings game, the hockey game.
Yeah and um, They didn't really want to go.
They didn't know what it was or, you know, weren't interested.
But I knew they would like it.
We had good tickets.
They're right on the glass.
And my daughter said, I don't want to see the players fight.
You know, she really don't want to see any fighting.
And, of course, by the second period, the players were fighting and she's screaming punch him in the face, punch him in the face.
You get intoxicated immediately.
Yeah, immediately.
And then they put me on the Jumbotron and Billy was sitting next to me and um, so billy now this is, i don't know if you guys know about this, but little boys are they instantly?
I mean, like billy, like you can't get him to talk to an adult, you know, like other than family members, you know he barely.
He's shy, you know he won't.
He's crazy when he's not around adults, but like he's, he's pretty shy and in public.
But man, when he would, that camera went on him and he was up on the jumbotron, he he turned into uh, Cardi B and Bad Bunny and Bruno Mars and Dancing Barry all combined.
I mean, he's twerking.
He's going crazy.
He's doing the whole thing.
The audience starts getting excited.
There's something about that Jumbotron because in the NBA League Pass this year when they go to commercial they don't show ads.
They just show the people in the stadium of the Jumbotron, and they all do it.
When they're on camera, they're like, It's like they lose their minds.
It's one thing to be an adult and to do it, but when you I mean these kids come out of the womb knowing that when you're on the Jumbotron, it's trying to go crazy.
Seven and up, you just have to start acting crazy.
How worried are you at that point that he's going to pull out his penis on the Jumbotron?
A little bit, but also, also hoping it happens.
You know, it's, I'm right in the, I'm sitting right in the middle, you know, more games.
Jane was mad though.
Jane said, I'm sick of him getting all the perks.
And then Molly said to Jane, she said one of the Kings players was cute.
And Jane said, I'm not into adult men being cute, but you go wild.
So she's in that stage now.
She's in that stage.
I remember that one.
Sal, I tease this for you this afternoon.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Sal and I went to the...
We should have tricked your father into going to that anti-ice march today.
Told him it was like a Dodgers parade or something like that.
Because that would have been great.
He would have been very unhappy.
They're having a second Dodgers parade.
Whatever Billy's reaction was on the Jumbotron, that would have been very, very opposite for my father.
I wonder how long it would have taken him to figure it out.
So jane, this is a question that jane asked molly and molly wrote it down.
And jane said and this is a very i don't know what's going on if they're giving her gummies at school.
But she said mom, have you ever thought that maybe everyone is a robot?
We're all robots, except for three people.
And molly said what three people?
And jane said jackie boo, which is our one-year-old nephew, uncle sal and aunt chippy.
Yes obviously, Obviously.
And Molly said, why are those three the only ones that aren't robots?
And Jane said, because Jackie Boo is just a butterball and he's too round and cute.
And no way any robot gambles as much as Sal and Aunt Chippy.
It would explode a robot.
All that smoke from Aunt Chippy would kill a robot.
I love it.
I love it.
She even knows this.
Yeah, we're all uncle and aunts, all the, yeah.
Oh, interesting.
I know, it could be cousin, I know, yeah.
You know, this segment is limited, I think, because...
You know, your kids are getting older.
Like, Bill, your kids are adults.
And, Sal, you know.
That's why we've had a lot of trouble.
Bill struggles.
Yeah.
We're 12-year-olds still.
Yeah.
Bill.
Harrison's carrying us.
Harrison's carrying us.
Parents and dogs is Simmons' go-to now.
I mean, I don't blame him.
This segment is more endangered than late-night television.
But I will leave you on my parents who drove me completely insane today.
Oh, nice.
My mother.
Every other day.
I mean, just like it's just like, well, listen, we marched in a line.
We went from one end, the one pier to the next pier and back.
There was no chance of anyone getting lost.
But they're just the phone call.
Where are you what?
What street?
You know?
It's like just keep walking right and then forgetting where my house is, you know, and it's like, just come to the house, she's like i went to 35th street.
I'm like there isn't a 35th street.
There's no way.
You went to 35th street and then i can't leave it alone, you know.
Yeah, but the fight they had today, they had a really loud fight at the house and um, The fight was about so they went to a music recital for one of the children in our family.
And apparently J-Lo's kid goes to this school.
And J-Lo's kid was in the recital.
And they were telling us how good the kid was.
The kid was really good, right?
And then they were talking about the fact that they were interested in the fact that j-lo has like a big suv that picks her up.
This to them this seems unusual right, right.
And then they had a yelling fight about whether j-lo's car had a loud engine or, as my father said, the car behind that car had a loud engine right, And you were yelling at each other about no, it was her car.
No, it was a car.
It was a race car behind her.
No, it was her car.
And they were fighting.
Molly finally stopped.
She goes, guys, I hate when you fight about J-Lo's car.
Oh, no.
You're only robots anyway.
Leave it alone.
You're not real.
Yeah.
Wow.
That's great.
Wow.
You want to do a quick one?
Incredible.
That was like seven parent corners.
Uh, yeah, I can't top that.
That's good.
You don't have a, there wasn't a super bowl, you know?
Yeah.
I have to tell a quick story about my dad.
Okay, good.
You know, it massive blizzard of Boston.
Massive.
Like, shut down, that you're not going to be able to get food anywhere.
Like whatever you have, you got to stockpile.
And my stepmother was out of town.
So everyone snowed in for like two days.
And my daughter is in college in Boston.
So she goes to see my dad, like a day or so after the blizzard, opens his fridge and he has six venti iced coffees in there.
And then all of this food from this place, Abe and Louie's.
And so she's like, why do you have, I don't understand, why do you have six coffees?
And he claimed he tried to offer order one coffee and didn't think it went through and did it six times.
They brought him a whole bunch of coffees.
We're not buying that.
We think he stockpiled coffee because he didn't want to go get coffee every day and bought these six coffees with six muffins.
But then had this Abe and Louie's food, which he bought like two steaks, and he bought like five children's pastas to survive him for the four days.
So my daughter's in there like, what are all these?
And he's like, oh, there's I like their pasta, but they don't have adult pasta.
I have kids pasta.
So my dad was basically like the guy in Lost.
Who is the guy?
Desmond, who's in the bottom, like has to survive for three months.
I think that's what he thought the blizzard was going to be.
And he was going to survive on venti coffee, leftover steak and kids pasta for as long as it took.
I would argue that what he claims he did is worse than what you think he actually did.
I mean, accidentally ordering the same thing six times in a row.
That's a lot of times.
Did it go through?
Did it go through?
Even Louie saved his life.
That would mean six different delivery guys.
Cause you know how that works, right?
I mean, he got six deliveries from six different people.
My daughter was like, she was trying to take a picture and he was stopping her.
She thought it was just so funny.
These six iced coffees next to each other.
Like what is the expiration date on an iced coffee too?
Like does the caffeine, does it kind of die?
I don't even know.
Depends on the milk.
Anyway, thank God it's still freezing cold there, but I think he has two iced coffees left and one kid's pasta.
I like it.
It's 12 degrees and he's drinking iced coffee.
Yeah.
I know.
He can't fight it.
Anything to plug him on?
It's February sweeps month.
Do we still have sweeps?
Nope.
No, there's no sweeps.
No, we have Don Lemon.
They don't have sweeps?
I don't think so.
If so, nobody ever mentions them.
We have Don Lemon on tomorrow, though.
You know, he got arrested over the weekend.
Really?
Yeah.
That's a good one.
He just got arrested again.
You didn't see?
I don't know.
Oh, he did?
Yeah, he'll be out before the show, I think.
All right.
Thanks for joining us, Kimo.
However many times he gets arrested, he'll be on the show tomorrow.
Where are you guys watching the Super Bowl?
You know, I... Are you going to be together?
I'm happy to, but I'm not looking forward to doing like a giant Super Bowl thing.
I don't blame you.
Well, the last time the Patriots and Seahawks played, we were at your house.
Oh, that's right.
For the Malcolm Butler game.
No, I'm going to be by myself.
I don't want to be with anybody.
I feel like, where can I go?
We go live like 20 minutes after the game.
I can't go.
We're going live right after.
Public access Netflix here.
I live one eighth of a mile from you.
I know, but you're not having a New Year's party or however that works.
I don't know.
No, I have a New Year's party.
You have worms in the toilet.
I don't want to be there.
You just want to go to your house?
Listen, you're welcome to come.
I know my son Kevin's coming over and you're welcome to come over, but I'm not going to do a huge party, you know.
All right.
You guys figure it out.
And Bill, if you feel that... I'm not going anywhere.
I'm going nowhere.
Well, you were at my house the last time, right?
I've had good luck. when you've been in the room with me for a Super Bowl.
Yeah.
But I'm not going to push it this time.
Well, then, hey, listen, and we'll have a reason.
All right.
Thanks to Cousin Jimmy.
Thanks to Sal.
Thanks to Gahal and Eduardo as well, and Jack Wilson.
That's it for us on Netflix.
We're going to be...
Back on Netflix after the Super Bowl podium next week.
I hope I have a smile on my face.
I'll have my podcast plus rewatchables tomorrow.
We did Wild Things.
Oh, I saw you talking about that.
Yeah, that was good.
Might be the last rewatchables.
We might have pushed it too far.
That's coming tomorrow through.
That is on Netflix as well.
Fellas, thanks for doing this.
Thanks to everybody for watching.
See you next week.
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