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Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of iHeart Radio.
Good morning.
This is Laura.
Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast.
Today's tip is that bad stuff happens, but we don't have to react in a way that makes the experience even worse.
Today's tip comes from Laurie Santos in an interview with Ryan Holiday of the Daily Stoic.
Santos shared the parable of the second arrow.
The Buddha asked his followers whether it would be bad if they were shot with an arrow.
Of course, they agreed that yes, this would be bad.
Then he asked if it would be bad, or perhaps even worse, if they were shot again with a second arrow.
They said it would be.
The Buddha explained that circumstances were the first arrow.
No one can avoid bad things happening to them.
Whether it is missing the last flight of the day to get home after an exhausting trip, or something worse like losing a job, we can't avoid all the vicissitudes of life.
Everyone will get shot with a first arrow from time to time.
But we can avoid the second arrow.
The second arrow is the suffering we create in our response to the adversity.
Do you snap at the gate agent who tells you the first flight to your destination is the next morning?
Do you call your assistant, waking her up, to tell her you never want to be on the last flight of the day again?
So now she is upset and has trouble getting back to sleep, which leads to her questioning whether she wants to keep working for you.
All this unpleasantness only adds to your suffering.
So don't add the second arrow.
I appreciate this wisdom, but I live in the real world and I know this is much easier said than done.
We are not all as wise as the Buddha.
So how do you avoid the second arrow and this optional second layer of suffering, especially when you're reeling from the first arrow?
A good start is to get enough sleep, eat well, and exercise.
When you are healthy and strong, you are resilient to arrows of all kinds.
Good routines and a flexible schedule help too.
Don't try to cram too much into your days.
When you have no margin, you're more likely to get angry and frustrated about any change in plans.
When you have margin and backup slots in your schedule, you have the time to respond to unexpected issues.
You might also think about an option B for anything in your life where option A has a good chance of going wrong.
When you already know that a backup sitter is available.
On a day when you have a big presentation and your regular sitter was starting to look a little ill the day before and you know the flu is going around well, you'll feel more calm about the whole thing.
It can also be helpful to have mindfulness practices that help you reset.
A few deep breaths can go a long way.
And finally it helps to lead a balanced life.
When your life has multiple components you are engaged in family work hobbies, volunteer or community work, friends disappointment in one area of life doesn't mean your whole life feels wrecked.
You have perspective.
Your community and family will help you get through this.
Or if the trouble is in your family, well, isn't it nice that you have friends?
Whether we like it or not, life shoots the occasional arrow.
We can't avoid that.
But we can avoid the second arrow.
We can respond to adversity in a way that lets us move on from it productively, instead of magnifying our misery.
In the meantime, this is Laura.
Thanks for listening.
And here's to making the most of our time.
Thanks for listening to Before Breakfast.
If you've got questions, ideas or feedback, you can reach me Before.
Breakfast is a production of iHeart Media.
For more podcasts from iHeart Media, please visit the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
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