Hello! Welcome to Stories Podcast. I'm your host, Amanda Weldon.
Today's story is called Dog King and the Big Test, an original story written for you by Daniel Hines.
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He's the king of the dogs.
Dog King. He's the king of the dogs.
His mother was a dog.
His father was a king.
So now he's Dog King and he's king of the dogs.
Dog King. His bite is worse than his bark.
Dog King. Because he bites like a shark.
Dog King. You know he's ruling the streets.
Dog King. He won't roll over for treats.
His mother was a dog.
His father was a king.
So now he's Dog King.
And he's King of the Dogs Dog King Today we find Dog King King of the Dogs Sitting on his throne, gazing out at his kingdom And sure, his throne was a lumpy, dirty mattress And yeah, the kingdom was the alley behind the laundromat But Dog King wasn't the king because of anything fancy Dogs don't follow fancy What these dogs followed was loyalty, and Dog King looked out for every mutt, from young pup to old pooch. Which was going to come in pretty handy on this particular day.
It was a morning in the alley.
A few dogs had stopped by for advice, or for a snack, or simply to pee on their favorite wall and give Dog King a sniff hello.
Dog King thought that maybe he'd have a slow spring day where he could fit in a few naps.
Now, anyone can take a nap during the day, but only dogs and cats have perfected the multi -nap.
They can sleep for an hour, wake up and spin around, then sleep for three more hours like it's nothing.
It was early, but Dog King was already on hour two of nap number five, truly a day for the record books, when he was woken up by a shrill scream.
scream. Dog King! It was Pickles, the overly excitable chihuahua who was Dog King's best friend and royal advisor.
Dog King, are you here?
Oh, Dog King, I need help.
Dog King shook himself awake and blinked up out of his mop of messy fur.
Pickles was running down the alley as fast as his stubby little legs could carry him, careening into bits of garbage and old pallets and a soundly sleeping Shetland Sheepdog.
Oh, Dog King. Oh, I need.
Oh, out of the way.
Come on. Oh. Pickles finally collapsed at Dog King's feet, panting with his little tongue sticking out of his mouth like a forgotten piece of taffy.
Easy, buddy, Dog King said.
He leaned down and picked up Pickles by the scruff and then gently deposited the shaking little chihuahua in his favorite padded pink bike basket bed.
What's the big emergency?
Pickle started to talk, but was still too worked up.
All that came out was a long and panicked.
Dog King got him a little dish of water and let him rest for a minute to get his voice back.
When he finally stopped panting, he launched into his story.
The emergency! Oh, you want the emergency?
Okay, Dog King, I'll give you the emergency.
Buckle in, buddy, because you're not going to believe what's going on in the life of old Pickles.
Never a dull day, never a quiet day, never a peaceful Pickles.
Always has to be something sweet, Georgia Brown, but can a dog just pee in peace these days?
Pickles, buddy, just tell me the problem.
The problem? The problem is that I have to go to the vet tomorrow.
tomorrow. Dog King nodded slowly.
No one likes the vet, but you probably just need some worm medicine or something.
What's the big deal?
First of all, worm medicine.
I earned those worms. I befriended those worms. I should get to keep all the worms I want, but no, that's not even the real injustice, Dog King.
I heard my humans talking, and tomorrow at the vet, I have to take a test. A test?
Dog King asked. What kind of a test?
I don't know, said Pickles.
They won't even tell me.
How unfair is that?
My human girl, the little one, she has tests all the time at school.
When she does a bad job, she gets grounded.
Grounded, Dog King.
Oh, I don't know what the test is, I'm going to fail, and then they're going to ground me.
Oh, imagine me, Pickles, stuck in a house for a week.
It's like caging a beautiful butterfly.
Oh, it's like putting a curtain over the Mona Lisa.
It's probably a crime.
Oh, they're criminals.
Dog King, they are criminals, and I don't even know what the test is about.
Dog King thought it over in his careful way.
He'd never had had to take a test before, and he wasn't sure what it would be like.
They needed more information.
Luckily, a passing puppy popped in just then to say hello on his way around town for a P -Stop tour.
Hello, pretty pup, Dog King said to the mottled little mutt.
If you're heading around town for the P -Tour, could you spread a message for me?
Oh, sure thing. Absolutely.
A message from the the king.
I love it. The puppy turned and dashed off down the street.
Wait, said Dog King.
I didn't give you the message yet.
The puppy didn't seem to hear him, but about five minutes later, he came flying back into the alley, skidding to a stop.
Wait, you didn't give me the message yet.
Very good of you to notice, said Dog King, laughing.
Puppies were impulsive, just the way of the world.
I need you to ask around if any dogs have had to take a test lately If they have, send them over here, would you?
Oh, you got it, Dog King, said the pup And then he bolted around the corner so fast His feet slid out on the cement And he did a triple barrel roll before popping back up And disappearing down the road Oh, thank you, Dog King, said Pickles I wouldn't survive a day being grounded I need the sun in my fur and the wind in my fur and also the garbage in my fur.
I need it all. We'll get it sorted, said Dog King.
Not too long after, Luke the Golden Doodle stopped by.
He had found a pair of sunglasses somewhere and was wearing them like a human over his floppy ears.
What's up, my dudes, he said.
I heard someone has some test questions.
Oh, I do, Pickles shouted.
Luke, my humans are testing me tomorrow!
Have you had to take a test?
Sure thing, broski, said Luke, sitting down next to Pickles and Dog King.
I don't like to go around bragging about it, but I'm actually a service dog.
You work in a restaurant?
said Pickles. I could never work in a restaurant!
What are my humans thinking?
All that fire and those knives are as big as I am!
Maybe I could eat the scraps.
Do they need scraps, grounders, mold munchers, cheese pleasers?
That's not what a service dog is, said Dog King with a little chuckle.
Service dogs help humans do all sorts of different stuff.
I already help, said Pickles.
I allow them to view my beautiful self.
And I also let them pick me sometimes without even biting.
What is the service dog test like, Luke?
asked Dog King. Aw, it was nothing too tricky, my dudes.
My big final test was that I had to go see a movie with my human, like in the theater.
There was a huge screen I wasn't allowed to bark at and popcorn all over the floor that I wasn't allowed to eat.
I just had to sit and watch the movie and make sure my human was chill and that was it.
What? Shouted Pickles.
That's impossible. Dog King, I love popcorn.
You know I love popcorn.
How many times have I said that?
So many times is the answer.
I'll fail that test for sure, and then I'll be grounded, and I'll waste away in a dungeon.
Didn't you say your test was at the vet, asked Dog King.
Yes, squeaked Pickles.
Ah, couldn't be a service test then, said Luke, nodding at Dog King.
I never had to do vet stuff for my test, so I think yours is going to be something different.
Hopefully without the vile temptress of floor popcorn.
corn. Luke laughed and then turned to look down the alley.
All right, my dude, sorry I wasn't more help, but I gotta get back to the vet.
My human wants to go surfing later, and you know I can't miss those waves.
Thanks anyway, said Pickles.
Good job not eating that popcorn.
Thanks, dude, Jade, Luke said, trotting down the alley.
He passed the great big St. Bernard named Brodwin as he went.
They both paused to say hello and sniff each other's butt before Luke headed home and Brodwin came up to Pickles.
Hey, sweetie, she said, nuzzling the little chihuahua.
I heard you have a test coming up that's just twisted your biscuits.
Oh, Brodwin, you have no idea, said Pickles.
I haven't tested the vet, and I don't even know what it's on.
Oh, if I fail, I'm going to get grounded like my human.
Sometimes, she doesn't even get dessert.
Oh, will I not get dessert?
Oh, sweet Georgia Brown, my whipped cream, dog king, will I get dessert?
Oh, I'm sure you'll get dessert, sweetie, Broadwin said.
And if you don't, you know I always keep a stash of sweets to get me through when I need to butter my bread.
You are an angel, Broadwin, said Pickles.
Have you ever taken a test?
They tested me once at the vet, she said.
It was easy as pie, Sugar.
They gave me a little shot or something, and then I got a sweet little treat and went on home.
I guess I must have passed because I never got in trouble.
A shot? Asked Pickles.
Why, are you afraid of shots?
shots? asked Brodwin gently.
Me? Oh, pshaw, pshaw, I say, said Pickles.
No, Little Needle ever scared me.
My great -aunt Norman was a test dog, and he got so many shots he looked like a dalmatian for a week.
So maybe it'll be as easy as that, said Brodwin.
If only, oh, said Pickles.
I'm sure it's something truly devious.
Nefarious. If it wasn't, they would give me some warning and let me study.
I'm an excellent student.
I started top of my class at training school, and I would have finished at the top except I bit one of the ladies.
Oh, she had a big sweater that confused me.
I thought I was being attacked by a yeti.
Not my fault. Oh. Now for a quick ad break.
We'll be back with the the rest of the story after this.
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From the far end of the alley, Rambo, the rusty brown pit bull, came trotting down.
He had a huge hunk of bone in his mouth, and his nub of a tail was wagging wildly.
Rambo, said Dog King.
How is it going today?
day. Pretty good, said Rambo.
Then he huffed and dropped his bone with a long waterfall of drool.
Pretty good. I heard little Pickles has a test coming up.
You heard right, Buckle, said Pickles.
Rambo, tell me you've had a test before.
If you can pass, I know I can too, on account of you spend all day hunting for street trash, and I'm a dog of intellect.
Little rude Pickles.
said Broadway, but Rambo didn't seem to notice or care.
Nope, never had a test, said Rambo.
One of my friends though, German Shepherd, he got a test to be a seeing eye dog.
He was supposed to lead a blind person around and make sure they stayed safe.
That is an important job, said Dog King.
How did he do? Miserable, said Rambo, scratching at his butt.
He didn't have the attention span for it.
In his test, they attached him to a stuffed soft draw on wheels for him to guide.
Well, he saw a squirrel and bolted across the road so fast, he dragged the dummy human into traffic, and it got flattened by a dump truck.
He caught the squirrel, though, so it wasn't all that bad.
Oh, what happened to him when he failed?
Asked Pickles, eyes wide as large cheese pizzas.
They fired him, said Rambo.
Now he just hangs out at the dump and catches rats.
fired. Wailed Pickles.
Dog King, I didn't even know firing was on the table.
What if they fire me?
What if they fire me?
Pickles dumpling, said Broadwind gently.
They can't fire you.
You don't have a job.
Oh, even worse, said Pickles, getting shaky now.
Without a job to fire me from.
They'll just fire me from something else, like, like a cannon.
Oh, Dog King, I'm going to fail and get grounded and fired out of a cannon.
Oh, this isn't fair.
I'm so young and beautiful.
Oh, this can't be happening.
Oh! You're not going to be fired out of a cannon, said Dog King.
I'll tell you what, though.
I'll come to the vet tomorrow and wait out back for you.
If I see any sign of a cannon, I'll make sure I take it out for you.
and when you're finished your test, if you're in trouble, I'll help you figure that out, too.
Oh, really? Asked Pickles.
Really, said Dog King.
It is what friends are for.
Thanks, buddy, said Pickles.
Say, Rambo, want to share some of that bone?
Sure, but you get the little end, Rambo said, lying down to gnaw on the bigger side.
Oh! Deal! said Pickles, and he jumped out of his basket and got to work.
The next day, Dog King watched as Pickles was brought into the vet in a little crate.
He was in there for about half an hour before he came out again.
He looked okay, and Dog King couldn't see any sign of a cannon, so he went back to the alley to wait for his friend.
An hour or so later, Pickles padded into the alley, little head held high, and a new pink bow tied to his collar.
How did it go? asked Dog King, happy to see his friend.
Oh, how did what go?
Pickles asked, hopping into his bike basket bed.
Uh, the vet? The test?
The whole thing we spent yesterday worrying about?
Oh, that! asked Pickles, buffing his nails on his fuzzy chest. I aced it!
You did? asked Dog King.
That's great news, buddy.
What did you have to do?
Oh, they had me pee in a cup!
And as you know, I'm an excellent pee producer.
I nailed it on the first try, and then they came and told my humans that my kidneys are great, and there's nothing to worry about.
What is a kidney? asked Dog King.
Oh, well, you know how I look so young and beautiful.
I think they thought I was a kid, and my knees are in excellent shape, as you can see.
Pickle showed off his shaky, knobbly knees.
Wow, buddy, I guess you nailed it.
I'm glad you're all good.
Oh, it was easy, actually, Dog King.
I don't know what you were so worried about.
Uh, yes, I guess I just let it go to my head, Dog King said with a hidden chuckle.
Never should have doubted you, buddy.
Well, you won't make that mistake again, Pickles said, spinning around until his bike basket bed was just perfect.
No, what do you say we catch up on the naps we lost yesterday?
You know, Pickles, said Dog King, settling down on his dirty mattress throne.
You really are a genius.
And don't you forget it.
And together, they settled in for a long summer nap.
Dog King, as always, leading the way.
His bite is worse than his bark Because he bites like a shark You know he's ruling the streets He won't roll over for treats His mother was a dog, his father was a king So now he's dog king, and he's king of the dogs Today's story, Dog King and the Big Test was an original story written for you by Daniel Hines It was edited and produced by Andrew Martin and performed for you by me, Amanda Weldon.
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Thanks for listening!
