Hey, story pirates, podcast listeners.
Lee here. Today we have a very special spring break episode for you.
Another slamming mixtape from DJ squirm a lot coming up right after a few words for the grownups.
I have an incredible mixtape of tunes for you for your road trips and vacations.
And speaking of vacations, I actually have a vacation planned myself.
No, not for me, and definitely not for Lee.
A vacation for Peter!
That's right, Peter.
I know, I know. Usually I interact with Lee on these mixtape episodes, but recently I was hanging out with all the story pirates backstage after one of my laptop DJ sets and I noticed something about Peter.
All he was doing was hovering around the catering table and trying not to look like he was just eating all the charcuterie himself.
I tried to strike up a conversation with him, but Peter didn't really have anything to say.
I even asked him a bunch of questions about his life, and he just couldn't find anything to make small talk about.
And that's when I realized… Peter needs a vacation!
He quite literally hasn't had enough life experiences when he's not surrounded by the other story pirates.
and those other story pirates probably underestimate him.
Peter is a three dimensional person with many interests and competencies.
I just know it. So I'm taking him on a vacation.
Peter, get in here.
Oh, hey DJ Squirmalot.
Did you need something?
Oh, no, no, no, no. Actually, I have something for you.
You do? How would you like to go on vacation?
A vayuashan? Vacation!
You know, travel to a far off destination, a brand new experience, a time for excitement, and relaxation in equal measure.
Oh, thank you, but I'm good.
Good? Yeah, I know it's spring break and everything, but I prefer to stay at home and laminate old restaurant menus.
You have your own laminator?
Yep, I love to laminate old menus and just look at them.
And the lamination means that I won't ruin them when I inevitably spill sauce on them.
This is even worse than I thought.
Peter, we're headed out of town and I won't take no for an answer.
Okay sure. Where are we going?
That's the good part.
Peter, I'm about to blow your mind.
Oh. In fact, you better sit down so you don't fall over when you hear where I'm taking you.
OK, sure. OK, I'm ready.
Tell me, DJ Squirmalot, where are we going?
I'm taking you to Squirmworld.
What world? What's Squirmworld?
Did you just ask what's Squirmworld?
Yeah, I never heard of it.
It's only the number one DJ Scrumelot branded theme park in the world!
You have your own theme park?
Of course I do, Peter.
DJ Scrumelot is a 360 brand.
There is no consumer -facing area of the market that DJ Scrumelot is not a part of.
I have live concerts, I have albums, I have a streaming show.
I even am about to have a Tony figurine on my own!
I thought you were just a laptop DJ.
Just a laptop DJ? Tried the greatest DJ in the world who also happens to be a worm and has a 360 brand, okay?!
Okay? I'm sorry. I had no idea.
You really are as bad as Lee, aren't you?
Maybe I should take him to Squirm World.
No! Take me! I'm sorry.
Fine, well pack your bags Peter.
We're leaving now. Sure, I'll just grab a toothbrush.
Be right back! D 'ah, poor Peter, he's so sheltered.
He's never even heard about squirrel world.
Well, while he's getting his toothbrush, why don't we get started with today's mixtape, listeners?
Here's our first track from a third grader in Virginia Beach named Eric.
Here's how Penguin Office became a thing.
I've got a really neat idea.
It's an idea that's gonna make a million bucks or more.
We'll make an office.
An office? An office.
A store? No, an office.
We've got some construction to do.
And who's gonna work in this office?
I said, who's gonna work In this awesome office, I said, who's gonna work?
Gonna work, work, work in this office!
Ok it's been two months, I've saved enough money to build this office, let's do this!
We run the office, penguins run the office, it's penguin office!
Yeah! We run the office, penguins run the office, it's penguin office!
Yeah! I've been going through the plans And it's gonna be like nothing anyone has seen There's krill inside the ice machine Snacks for everyone We get to work A modded keyboard to fit your feet We get to work The corporate laptops come in black or white We get to work I made an ice looch to help you get around more efficiently And the fish is your feet We run the office, penguins run the office It's penguin office, yeah!
We run the office, penguins run the office It's penguin office, yeah!
I've never felt so alive before I used to be so bored Waddling around the store But now I got a job, a reason to exist My life has a purpose, my purpose is to work To work in this office, this office for me Weee!
We run the office, penguins run the office It's penguin office, yeah We run the office, penguins run the office It's penguin officials!
Penguin officials! Invite all your penguin friends!
Penguin officers! They'll invite their penguin friends!
Penguin officials! They'llfolk their penguin friends!
Penguin officials! So on and so on and so on!
Penguin officials! Just pull it on working penguins!
Penguin officials! I wanna hear you say it!
Penguin officials! I wanna hear you say it!
Penguin officials! Say it!
I wanna hear you say it!
We run the office, Penguin run the office.
It's Penguin Office, yeah.
It's the Story Pirates Spring Break Mixtape.
And I'm your host DJ Squirm -A -Lot.
And that was Penguin Office.
But before we get to the next song, Peter, you can open your eyes.
Whoa! Where are we?
Welcome to Squirmworld, Peter.
It's the world's first theme park designed by worms for humans!
Wow, G .J. Squirmalot, there are pictures of you everywhere!
That's Brandon 101, Peter.
There's so much here.
I see a giant Ferris wheel called the Squirmawheel.
Beautiful. Isn't it?
Over there! Is that...a huge swimming pool full of dirt?
Yup, it's like a wave pool, but, you know, with dirt.
Is that safe? Hm, good point.
We may need to rethink that one.
Look over there! It's someone in a DJ Squirmalot character costume!
Hey kids, it's me! DJ Squirmalot!
Don't forget to smash that spacebar!
Scram, fella! You are talking to the real DJ Squirmalot!
I am so sorry Mr. Elot.
I'll just go. I can't believe all these amazing things that Squirmworld has!
Aren't you forgetting something?
Uh no. That's pretty much everything.
Peter! No, right in front of you!
It's the number one worm themed rollercoaster in the world!
It's called Wormageddon.
What do you think Peter?
Gulp. I can tell by that gulp that you're very impressed.
I am. Let me tell you more about it!
You see, Wormageddon is on the cutting edge of worm themed roller coasters!
Get ready to board a giant high speed super worm that journeys deep underground!
Okay... First you're launched at 175 miles per hour into simulated dirt!
Like a worm diving into soil!
Uh huh... Each of the segmented worm body cars wiggles independently to simulate real worm movements!
I have an idea. And now the big climax.
A 90 -degree freefall called wormhole, that takes you into a simulated worm burrow, complete with animatronic bugs, glowing mushrooms and finally, a corkscrew through a glowing geode cavern.
DJ Squirmelata. And of course, the whole thing is soundtracked by my incredible beats.
That all sounds great, but I have to tell you something.
Can we cut the line?
Of course we can. And I have the Squirm Path which allows us to cut in front of everyone.
DJ Squirmalot, listen to me!
Sorry, Petar. I just got a little caught up in describing this groundbreaking roller coaster that I'm extremely proud of.
What was it you wanted to tell me?
I'm afraid of roller coasters.
Uh -oh. Well, Squirmawormates, while I process this information, how about we check out another track?
This one's by a ten -year -old in Colorado named Luke, and it's called You Make No Sense.
Honey, breakfast. Coming, Mom.
I love talking in a weird way.
A weird way! I know it makes my mother sigh.
My teachers cry, my friends go crazy.
But it's so fun to have a weird day.
A weird day. I gotta be myself and that is why I see my mom and tell her G -M -M -I -L -Y Son, what are you saying?
This weird spelling game you're playing I thought you said you wouldn't do that anymore Mom, just listen carefully You know my words are true G -M -M -I -L -Y means Good Morning Mom.
I love you. Son, I love you, too.
But that makes no sense.
That makes no sense.
You make no sense. You make no sense.
This gibberish is out of hand.
I can't begin to understand it.
It makes no sense. It makes no sense.
You make no sense. I used to find it funny, but I'm over it no hurry.
It's just getting too intense.
You make no sense! No sense.
Make no sense. You're going to miss the bus.
OK, Mom. See you after school!
All right, everybody!
Take your seats. Open up your science books, and turn to page 42!
Today, we're learning about landforms. Can anyone describe a plateau?
Raise my hand, of course, because I know.
Yes! You went back there in the striped shirt.
A -P -I -L -A -M -B -I -I -F -O -T and I -I -N -A -T -A -A -M.
Ta -da, la, la, la, la, la, la, la.
Obviously, I'm saying a plateau is like a mountain, but it is flat on top, and it is not as tall as a mountain.
That's actually a pretty good explanation, but Wait, that makes no sense That makes no sense You make no sense You make no sense Your antics drives me off the wall Go wait for me out in the hall It makes no sense It makes no sense You make no sense I know you think you're funny But I'm not paid enough money To teach you at my expense You make no sense No sense, make no sense Thanks for meeting with me, Mr. and Mrs. Kidd!
Thanks for seeing us, the principal!
Your son's always talking weirdly.
He needs to stop. We know, the principal.
Son, it's gotten completely out of hand.
What do you have to say for yourself?
H I W N S I W N S N M W Y S I'm sorry, Kidd.
I just don't understand what you're saying.
They need to understand this part!
Hey, I will not stop.
I will never stop, no matter what you say.
Hey, I will not stop.
I will never stop, no matter what you say.
Wait a minute. Talking normally feels great.
I will never go back to talking all weird. Oh honey, we're not saying you should never be weird, just, sometimes it's important to understand what you say.
You mean, talk weird sometimes and talk normal other times?
What do you think, the principal?
Well, to be perfectly serious...
That all makes sense!
Yes, it makes sense!
You've gotta be the way you feel.
Just, maybe sometimes keep it real.
I've been so tense.
I've been frozen So let's connect To find the perfect half and half of normal And what makes us laugh Then life won't be so tense It all makes sense It all makes sense It all makes sense It all makes sense It all makes sense It all makes sense It all makes I -A -N -S sense!
I wanted a pet like a dog or a cat, But mom and dad said you can't have that.
No furry friends in this house, and that's a rule.
They'll always clear and I had to obey But still I thought there must be a way Opened the freezer and I pulled out something cool My pet ice cube is thrilling My pet ice cube is chilling My pet ice cube is here to play My cube frisky and frozen Its the friend that ive chosen My pet stray from the freezer tray And im named it Jenny panic zee canic panic canic Jenny panic zee canic panic canic Jenny, panic, mechanic, panic panic That's a really weird name I know A block of ice is a kid's best friend We'd laugh and play till the day would end Slippin' and slidin', fetchin' in the flurry Hey, this is so much
fun! Our days were packed with the best ice capades We'd sled and skate with no need for blades Better than any normal pet that's furry But one cold day as the rain turned to sleet My mom and dad, they turned up the heat The house got warm and my cube started to worry My pet ice cube is sweating from the thermostat setting My pet ice cubes becoming blue I'm melting!
Oh oh oh It got hotter and hotter My ice turned into water My pet turned to a bowl of soup It was awful Jani panic mechanic panic panic Jani panic mechanic panic panic Jenny panicked, mechanic, panic, panic, Ice Cube's all melt away All of a sudden a big molly yarn appeared floating in the sky It flew down and tired of my family Oh no, where did this yarn come from?
We were stuck, we were wrapped, we were trapped, I gave a tearful goodbye But then my ice cube showed up and set us free Yes you did!
Now we see! Your pet ice cube's a hero Your pet from the Subs -hero Your pet ice cube has saved the day Me?
I told you you should keep me around Jenny Panic Matamik Matamik Matamik Just so cold, you're so cold Jenny Panic Matamik Matamik Matamik Jenny Panic Matamik Matamik Matamik It's a really weird name, really weird name It's cool, yeah What up, Squirmy Wormace?
It's the Story Pirate Spring Break Mmmixtape and I'm your host, DJ Squirmalot and that was The Boy Who Had a Pet Ice Cube written by five year old Noah in New York DJ Squirmalot, I'm so sorry, I'm too scared to go I'm the Wormageddon Peter?
Yes? I think Oh no That you Here he comes!
Are very brave! Huh?
Peter, the only thing braver than being willing to ride Warmageddon is being brave enough to admit that you're not brave enough to ride Warmageddon.
It is? Yes! Warmageddon is legit terrifying.
It really is. And who am I to say if it's actually safe?
It might not be. Wait, you really don't know if it's safe?
Not my job Peter! Anyway, I'm proud of you for admitting you're too scared to ride it.
Thanks, DJ Squirm a lot.
And now we have a great excuse to skip the roller coaster and go get a mud milkshake right away.
Ooooh, that's so clever, it's called mud milkshake, but I bet it's actually made out of chocolate, right?
What do you mean? Like the mud, it's actually chocolate, right?
Why would that be the case?
Because instead of mud, it's chocolate.
The mud. is chocolate because otherwise you'd have to eat mud which is a problem why you know what forget it i'm excited and while we cut the line with our scrim pass let's play you listeners another hot track from a 10 year old also named luke in tennessee here's the chest master There was a kid that dreamed of being the best chess person ever.
The best chess person ever.
He played everyday of the year!
Even as the air conditioning wasn't working.
Once upon a time. There was a kid that dreamed of being the best chess person ever.
The best chess person ever.
He played everyday of the year.
the end of the year!
When is the Air Conditioning, was it working?
The next day when he went to school, he saw a poster.
And it said, Chess tournament coming up tomorrow, better be ready.
So all that afternoon, he played chess with his dad.
Then the next day, he's the best chess person ever.
He saw the kid the next day, bragging to himself, friends that he played everyday and really good at chess And then they decided to play each other Sadly, I lost But I still became friends with him I felt good because I had a new friend I had a new friend I felt good I had a new friend I felt good because I had a new friend Once upon a time there was a kid that dreamed of being the best chess person ever The best chess person ever.
He played every day of the year When his air conditioning wasn't working Once upon a time there was a kid that dreamed of being the best chess person ever.
The best chess person ever.
He played every day of the year.
It's the air conditioner...
Why is it working? The End.
Mmm! This Milkshake is really something.
Haha! I knew you'd like it, Peter.
Okay, my squirmy -wirmers!
We'll be right back after these quick words for the grown -ups.
More grass than you think.
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All right, squirmmy -wormies, let's keep the party going with another hot track.
From eight -year -old Keenan in Dubai, here's the Mad piano player.
One day there was a little boy born With a certain hunger and a certain flair For he trained and learned and grew up to be a mad piano player.
Not mad like angry, I'm talkin' mad like he has mad skills.
Yeah, he practiced so much that his fingers would swell and blow up, with muscles.
One day his mom received a message and it came from the Palace of the King We're looking for a piano player, who can play everything We need a mad, mad, mad piano player The one that can play for the King A mad, mad, mad piano player Who can rock the keys for his majesty?
So the kid headed straight to the palace in a super fast bugatti.
FYI, that's a really fast car.
When he got to the palace, he was welcomed with the big parade.
There were dancers and jesters and peasants in the streets, and they all shouted his name.
Mad, mad piano player.
At last he came to the king's throne.
King said, play me one of your best piano pieces.
Well, he had a secret special piece, he never played for anyone.
So instead, he played his piece from the fourth grade.
The King was very impressed.
Yes, that was quite delightful but can you play something even better?
Well, he didn't want to play his special secret song, so he played his masterpiece from eighth -grade.
He's playing so many notes.
And they're all just flowing together.
Oh, look, the king really likes this one.
Delightful! Is the concession stand open?
Shh. What? Oh, sorry.
He's a mad, mad, mad piano player The king was thrilled, but he wanted to musical A mad, mad, mad piano player So the kid played a piece from the tenth grade It's so dramatic His fingers are moving so fast This is a very fine performance As he paid smoke came from the keys.
As he paid smoke came from the keys.
The king was so excited that he pondered and he wondered.
My boy, do you have a secret song?
Well, I do, but why, did someone tell you?
No, no, no, I just sort of got that vibe from you.
I'll play any song you want, your majesty, but I prefer to keep my secret song my own special secret.
Oh, I totally get it.
The only thing is if you do not play it, I will throw you in the dungeon.
Oh, who put that vase there?
Okay, here goes. Ooh!
There's no think electricity has been invented yet!
Ooh! Where did he grab an organ drum if he's like that?
Let it percute! He's gonna play all three at the same time.
He's a Pride, Pride, Pride, the Yellow Breaker Absolutely marvelous!
Pride, Pride, Pride, the Yellow Breaker Yes!
Well, you played that piano!
Yes, he played so well and so fast and so hard that the piano exploded and the King fainted.
Hmm... I guess he really did end up being a...
Pat, Pat, Pat, the International Player!
His fingers are on fire!
It's the Story Pirate Spring Break Mixtape and I'm your host, D .J.
Squaremalot, a Square Square Man!
Wormies, here's another hot track for you from nine -year -old Sylvia, New Jersey.
It's the Fun Crazy Weird Hair Store.
If you need a new look, come on down to the Fun Crazy Weird Hair Store.
Weird Hair Store If you need a change, come on down to the Fun Crazy Weird Hair Store.
Oh, oh. My name is Sylvia, and I'm on my way to go get my hair done.
This is my friend. Hey, girl.
She's coming with me, cause it'll be so much fun.
We're leaving the house at 9 AM.
Yeah. We're going to take a ride.
Oh, wow! It's 2 o 'clock.
It took so long to get here.
Let's go inside! Hello!
Welcome to the fun, crazy, weird hair store!
It's fun, crazy, and weird!
So what can we do for you today?
We'd like the full treatment, please.
Did you say full treatment?
Ooh la la! Well first we're going to wash your hair.
Yay! All right! Now put on your bathing suits!
Cause we're going to go to the spray part.
You need a new look, come on down to the fun, Crazy weed hair store Weird hair store If you need a change come on down To the fun, crazy, weed hair store Store We're at the spray park, playing in the water To get our hair wet It's time to go, ladies You need to dry your hair Don't you forget We're going to bounce, bounce, bounce To dry our hair on this triennnd trampoline My hair feels new My hair feels so shiny So fresh and clean Ladies, take a break from singing for a moment and sit in these bumpy chairs Wow, these are fun May I offer you a sparkling water or coffee?
We don't drink coffee, we're kids Sorry about that.
I own a business and my body's made entirely out of caffeine Now take a deep breath and relax because the robots will be here in 15 minutes!
We are the robots, we're gonna do your hair and take you for a whirl Take you for a whirl We're gonna flip and twist those locks Give you a bouncy curl Give you a bouncy curl Tell me how I feel so pretty Oh, so do I.
Our hair looks so beautiful.
It makes us want a happy cry, happy cry.
If you need a new look, come on down to the front crazy Weird hat store, Weird hat store.
If you need change, come on down to the front crazy Weird hat store, store.
We're leaving you a five star review.
Why, thank you, Sylvia and Sylvia's friend!
Now let's see, that'll be...
Oh! $5 ,000 billion!
What? Plus $2. Wow, my mom only gave us a $20.
Uh -oh. Awkward! I'm gonna put this on my mom's credit card. It's worth it!
If you need a new look, come on down to the fun, crazy, weird hare store.
Weird hare store! If you need a change, come on down to the fun crazy weird hair store weird hair store Have you heard of a prophecy foretold A warlock splits the Tiara of gold The split will plunge the world into night Put the tiara back together and bring back the light But there was more from the prophecy or sight The one thing the warlock tried her best to Beloved by parents, a boy and a girl Born into darkness, destined to save the world Felicity was the name of the land And death rose the one hawk who made the evil plan At the precise moment, she split the diagram Calla and Nathaniel were born!
Their destiny at hand!
But the dark warlock Amrose had heard of this prophecy.
Doomed near children cannot stop me from fulfilling my dark purpose.
After all, how could the prophecy be fulfilled by siblings beloved by their parents if they have no parents at all?
So Amrose took Colette and Nathaniel's parents in the dead of night.
and then set out to scatter the pieces of the golden tiara across Felicity so that no one could find them.
All seemed but hopeless for the land of Felicity.
But the two children Colette and Nathaniel had other ideas.
Colette, are you thinking what I'm thinking?
That we should train day and night so we can recover the pieces of the tiara, Save our parents and rescue the town!
I was gonna say lunch, but that works too.
Let's go! The first piece of the tiara was In the Enchanted Lake Gardened by a fearsome horde Of super evil sea snakes I know how to train snakes So cleft, don't worry I'll train those snakes to bring the tiara piece to me The prophecy, their destiny fulfilled The next piece was guarded by a dragon in her cave Colette knew that ice cream was the dragon's name I bought you some mint chips, vanilla and chocolate too Thanks, Crash.
I'll give this TR a piece to you.
And the prophecies, their destiny fulfilled...
The third piece was in the Cyclops' eye...
Somebody get this out of my eye!
It kind of looked...
So the Cyclops was starting to cry It seems just like a bee We'll have you dead and free The priorities recovered, only two to go Time to save the parents, and to seek the warlock and close The fourth piece was guarded by the wizard in the town.
To put the peace inside is one of mystical renown.
As our heroes prepared for the confrontation, the wizard came outside with his declaration.
Here you go. You two seem nice.
And the prophecy, our dance, our near fulfilled.
Wait, the Latin Nathaniel.
Take this enchanted egg from the Tree of Power.
Okay. And this knight's Steve.
Are you sure? Yeah, he doesn't need it.
Come get a new one.
Wizard, why are you helping us?
Because Ambrose is evil.
And I know that you and Nathaniel will use the golden tiara's powers for good.
Now ride and get the fifth piece of the tiara from Ambrose herself.
Onward! Good job. Look, look!!
Oh! Here we are... at Ambrose's castle!
There's no turning back now!
chance! Great ride!
We have four pieces we need five!
Face us, fight us, you will see!
We are the ones from the prophecy!
And Ambrose cast a spell she cried This world's farewell But behind the siblings came a swell It was the wizard and the dragon and the Cyclops And, well, the time had come for Colette and Nathaniel To fulfil their destiny With the help of their friends they gave along the way The battles had begun Ambrose cast a spell And then you'll dodge him well The dragon breathes fire But Ambrose just flew higher Ambrose waved her staff He flipped the wizard's wand in half The cycSubject swung his fist At Ambrose, but he missed But Ambrose dropped her style The boy, and at then you'll laugh But he's just
waiting for them Mom?
Dad! Nathaniel! Collette!
You did it! We love you so much. Have you heard of a place to see fulfilled?
Yeah! Collette and Nathaniel saved their parents and the world.
That's right! Five golden pieces turned back into one.
The darkness was finished, love at all with emeralds was done.
Oh, I forgot to tell you about the enchanted egg turned out and made an awesome omelet That they aim for Chase Galon length That's for me Petal Pan Yeah It's the story.
Pirate's Spring break.
Mmm, M inset. And I'm your host!
DJ Squirm -a -lot. A square's quirming!
Wormies, that last song was the gold tiara, written by Sydney, a nine -year -old in Delaware.
And sadly, we've reached the final song of today's mixtape.
I hope your spring break was wonderful, whether you vacation or staycation.
This last track was written by a third grader in California named Jonah.
And it's called, Frank, the Monster Who Wasn't Scary.
D .J. Squirmalot out!
Ahem. My name is Frank the Monster!
Thank you, everybody, for coming out tonight to the annual haunted house party.
I love you, too, Wyatt.
I just want to take a second to acknowledge that one year ago I never would have dreamed of being on this stage.
And here I am playing with the Mad Zombies.
All right, all right, we're the Mad Zombies.
And this is the story of how I joined the band.
Eat it, Dracula. I love a good house party I really love a good haunted house party And at this one particular haunted house party A miraculous thing did occur Dracula was the DJ And this super cool band was about to play Everybody rushed to the stage But I'll stay put in my place Cuz when I dance I fall apart I'm usually with my buddies at the snack bar Tonight could be a brand new start Said a voice from within where my heart used to be It said, if you can't dance If you can't dance, if you can't dance, if you can't dance, then you can.
If you can't dance, if you can't dance, if you can't dance, if you can't dance, then you can.
Sing, sing! I had an epiphany.
Sing, sing! Now, I wanted more than anything to sing.
But before I could think, before I could talk, I noticed that someone familiar was walkin' my way Coming from the stage It was a member of the band that was about to play, he said Our lead singer is absent, can you take his place?
I said ok But when I dance, I fall apart I'm usually with my buddies at the snack bar Tonight could be a brand new start We have the scene when you join the mad zombies It goes If you can't dance If you can't dance If you can't dance If you can't dance Then you can If you can't dance If you can't dance If you can't dance, if you can't dance then you can sing, sing I wanted more than anything to sing, sing And that's exactly what I did If you can't dance, if you can't dance, If you can't dance, if you can't dance Now I love more than anything to you If you can't dance, if you can't dance, If you
can't dance, if you can't dance Oh I love more than anything to you If you can't dance, if you can't dance, If you can't dance, if you can't dance Oh I love more than anything to you If you can't dance If you can't dance If you can't dance If you can't dance If you can't dance If you can't dance If you can't dance If you can't dance
