I was exploring dimensional kinematics.
Admit it.
He's adopted.
How can I be adopted when I have a twin sister?
Think, monkey.
Think.
That's enough.
No one's adopted.
I wish I was.
That can still be arranged.
Now let's pray.
A moment, please.
Leave him be.
He can hold hands with his family.
It won't kill him.
We don't know that.
Georgie, did you wash your hands for dinner or even this week?
None of your business.
Hands to mittens.
Thank you, God, for this food we are about to receive and for the nourishment of our bodies.
And bless the hands that prepared it.
Amen.
How come we ain't got no tater tots?
I made tater tots last night.
I could take tater tots over mashed taters any day.
Just eat what I made you.
Can we at least have tater tots tomorrow?
It was family dinners like this that led me to adopt a mid-Atlantic accent.
Nobel Prize winners ought not be ordering tater tots.
Everybody excited to start school Monday?
I am.
I guess so.
Georgie?
Freshman year, that's a big deal.
How can I be excited when he's gonna be in the same grade as me?
Don't worry, Georgie.
I'm not planning on being in the ninth grade for very long.
All I know is he's not in the same grade as me anymore, and I'm thrilled.
Good luck with your finger painting.
You're gonna get your ass kicked in high school.
Hey, language.
I'm not going to be assaulted.
High school is a haven for higher learning.
Oh, dear God.
Speaking of God, who's going to church with me tomorrow?
I can't.
I'll meet with the other coaches.
Can't meet after church?
No, Mary, I can't meet after church.
Georgie?
I gotta study my playbook.
I'll go with you, Mom.
Why you going?
You don't believe in God.
Nope, but I believe in Mom.
I'll take it.
Missy?
Can't.
Heather, I spent- You're going.
Son of a bitch.
Hey!
Ow!
Whoa!
Missy Cook wrote something at the dinner table.
George Jr.
Jane Goodall had to go to Africa to study apes.
I just had to go to dinner.
You going to eat your beans?
Yeah, I'm going to eat my beans.
Duh.
What about your tots?
Those two.
Georgie, just eat your own dinner.
Dad?
Paying my tots to you.
Here we go.
Green beans.
No, no, no, no, no.
That's not the one on the coupon you want.
Bottom row.
Good catch.
Miss you the head, my ass.
Well, I'm here for you.
All right.
For the food we're about to receive, and bless the hands that prepared it.
And for the hands that went to the store and bought it.
Sorry.
I had a tough time getting her down.
She had horrible gas.
Well, that's weird.
She was an angel with us.
Maybe she's hungry.
Maybe she's teething.
You know what?
Let her suck on a Slim Jim.
Ooh!
Two birds.
You're awful quiet tonight.
Oh, just work stuff.
Huh.
I wouldn't have thought running a laundromat would be all that stressful.
Well, Dad, you run your own business.
You know what it's like dealing with the public.
Actually, I had a guy the other day came in, returned a set of tires.
I sold them a year ago.
Way past warranty.
Put up quite a stink, too.
How'd you handle it?
Gave him a new set of tires.
I mean, I lost a couple bucks, but got a customer for life.
Smart.
I can learn a lot from you.
Yeah, well, you can learn a lot from your father, too.
All right.
What you got, big man?
Uh, well...
Saved by the bell.
How come you don't get sick all the time?
Well, I take precautions.
I wash my hands.
I wear gloves and a mask.
So, Mom, how was your day?
We're ignoring this?
OK.
Why aren't you eating?
I don't think I can.
Sometimes the different foods touch each other, Sheldon.
Not the end of the world.
No.
I'm afraid I'll choke again.
Oh, honey, that's not going to happen.
Go ahead.
Eat your dinner.
What's all this about choking?
Sheldon almost died this morning.
What?
Oh, yeah.
Dad was shaking him upside down like a ketchup bomb.
It was great.
Well, you gotta eat something, baby.
Just have a few bites.
I can't.
It's too risky.
Dibs on tater tots.
All right, I'll wrap that up for you.
And if you change your mind, you can have some later.
At least drink your milk.
Sure.
My mother and father saw that I'd been traumatized and were patient and understanding about my fear of eating solid foods.
This lasted one more day.
Sheldon Lee Cooper, if you don't finish that pork chop, I swear I will chew it up and spit it in your mouth like a mama bird.
Do it, Mom, do it.
Mary, can I speak to you for a second?
No, enough is enough.
The boy has got to eat.
Just give me a minute.
Start eating, mister.
You don't mind, right?
How about I cut that pork chop off the bone and throw it in the blender with some gravy?
If it fits through a bendy straw, I'll drink it.
Coming up.
Why does he get a pork shake?
This is all my fault.
I rushed him through breakfast the other day, and now look, he is wasting away.
Oh, come on.
You can't blame yourself.
This isn't going to last.
Remember the time a bee got in the house and he slept under a net for a couple months?
This is different.
How?
First of all, you let that bee in.
The bee was your fault.
OK.
Secondly, this is about his health.
He is a fragile little boy.
He can't go on like this.
I'm not arguing with you.
Let's just give him a little more time.
Now what?
Sounds like your mom's making margaritas.
What's he drinking?
Pork chop and gravy.
I snuck some broccoli in there, too.
Shh.
No, they wanted to control the whole thing.
I want somebody who will just give me the money let me work on my own schedule and not expect me to listen to their dumb ideas.
I don't think rich people who give money like being told their ideas are dumb.
Thank you so much for bringing this opportunity to me.
This is exciting.
So will you give us the funding?
Well, that's a lot of money, but my horoscope did say take a chance today.
You're making a big financial decision based on astrology?
I know.
I'm such a Gemini, right?
That's ridiculous.
The alignment of the planets and stars has no correlation to your success or failure.
Oh, this is great.
I mean, science thrives on this kind of debate.
This isn't a debate.
Rebuttal, yes it is.
There we go again.
Oh, I got to tell you.
Making lab furniture has made me rich, but this, this is what I really love.
Now, just to be clear, we're looking for a financier, not a partner.
Oh, yes, no, this is your baby.
You guys are the parents.
I'm just a wet nurse.
Just a wealthy, wealthy wet nurse.
What does that mean?
A wet nurse is a woman who suckles.
No, no, I know what it means.
I just meant, what does he mean?
Well, I mean, I just want to be around the process.
Anything you need, I'm your guy.
But I'm still in charge, right?
Did NASA fake the moon landing?
No.
See, that's what I thought until about a year ago.
Oh, we're going to have so much fun.
Where's Georgie?
I don't know.
I called him 10 minutes ago.
He's probably curled up in a ball crown about Veronica.
Why do you say that?
It's just what I'm hearing.
From who?
I'm kind of plugged into this town.
I'll go check on him.
Where exactly are you getting all this info?
There's a lot of kid sisters out there.
We talk.
So I saw a lawyer today.
Why?
I'm putting together my last will and testament.
We're going to miss you.
George, don't worry.
I ain't leaving him squat.
Are you dying?
We're all dying, honey, from the second we're born.
It's just a slip and slide into the darkness.
Unless you get bit by a vampire.
Well, now that goes without saying.
I don't want to die.
I've only kissed one boy so far.
What?
Relax.
It was a long time ago.
Are you relaxed?
Shelly, you haven't touched your dinner.
You feel OK?
Oh, yes.
I was just thinking.
About what, baby?
The optimal height to width ratio for a reusable rocket.
I was just thinking the exact same thing.
Really?
Oh, Moonpie, I love you so much.
Meemaw?
Mr. Moonpie, how might I help you?
How much money are you planning to leave me when you die?
Nice talking to you.
Want to try that again?
I need to buy a computer so I can solve the Navier-Stokes equation.
Uh-huh.
How much is a computer?
Apple has a nice one for $2,000, but the kind I need costs $3 million.
Let me see what I got in the vault.
Nine bucks and, uh... Oh, look at that.
A peso.
It's warm.
Thanks for coming by.
Yeah, what's the situation?
Well, right now it's kind of a standoff.
They're eating spaghetti, and Mary's holding the baby hostage.
All right.
What's our plan?
Well, I figure we'll be dealing with each other for the rest of our lives, so we got to keep things simple.
No, I'm with you.
Let me start by saying you are a pleasure.
Oh.
Back at you.
And your daughter is a keeper.
And your son is a fine young man.
Thank you.
So, you ready to do this?
I'm right behind you.
Hey, Mayor, look who stopped by.
Mmm, that's good coffee.
Is that Folgers?
Maxwell House.
Oh, sure, good to the last drop.
Audrey, am I crazy or didn't we used to drink Maxwell House?
Yes.
Mm-hmm.
Why'd we change?
It's a mystery.
Speaking of mysteries, Mary, did you ever find that earring you were looking for?
Family heirloom.
Just call them.
Maybe her mother stole it.
I'm not holding a baby anymore, so you better watch it.
Audrey's uncle was a bank robber.
Jim!
He was in Leavenworth.
He's my uncle by marriage.
Look, all I'm saying is every family's got secrets, right?
We sure got some skeletons in the closet.
We do not.
Other than my mother.
And?
My cousin Janine is a practicing witch, but that's it.
Worship Satan.
I got you beat.
My brother William...
He voted for Mondale.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
Actually, it feels good to talk about it.
I remember when I was a teenager, I had the biggest crush on John Glenn.
I would have given it up for him, no problem.
Mom?
Given what up?
Her allowance just to eat.
So how long are you going to be gone?
We'll leave first thing Saturday morning, stay the night in the motel and see the launch bright and early on Sunday.
I can't believe we're going to see an actual working spacecraft.
Look how happy he is.
Good job.
How come I don't get to go?
Because you, me, and Meemaw are going to have our own fun.
Could we shoot guns at the gun range?
You're too young to go to the gun range.
Meemaw took me.
We pinky swore.
What are you doing?
Oh, yeah.
Don't listen to me.
I don't know what I'm saying.
What's he doing here?
Y'all getting a divorce?
No, no.
He's just here for dinner.
Oh.
Welcome, Your Holiness.
I thought you were hanging out with Veronica tonight.
We were supposed to, but then she invited a bunch of our choir friends over and it turned into a stupid Bible study.
No offense.
None taken.
Honestly, I do not understand the female mind.
Do something.
Georgie, why don't you go eat dinner in front of the TV?
No, it's all right.
Sounds like Georgie's having trouble navigating the perilous waters of a relationship.
Believe me, I can understand.
You having problems with your hot wife?
Veronica says I'm the nicest guy she knows.
She also says she only wants to date nice guys.
Does that mean she wants to date me?
I bet she doesn't.
No, she does not.
Doesn't make any sense.
Nothing they do makes any sense.
I know.
At least she's not crying anymore.
The devil's got something to do with it.
Hello.
Come in.
Come in.
It's so good to see you.
I don't normally do this, but put her there.
No, ma'am.
It's just so wonderful to see you all again.
We've been looking forward to it.
We sure have.
Why are you counting?
You know Shelly.
He loves his numbers.
Let's say grace.
Bless us, Lord, for the food we are about to receive, and bless the hands that prepared it.
Amen.
Amen.
Dig in.
Oh, I am so excited to have a home-cooked meal.
The food in the hospital was blandarino.
Uh, be sure to save room for dessert.
I made banana pudding.
George, tell them how good my banana pudding is.
Good pudding.
A lot of bananas.
Well, now, pardon me if I'm wrong, but...
I would totally understand if any of you felt uncomfortable about me being here after my time in the hospital.
Oh, no.
We're very comfortable.
Very comfortable.
Well, just in case I want you all to know I'm perfectly happy to answer any questions that you might have.
You sure you won't do that?
Of course.
The best way to destigmatize something is to talk about it.
May I?
Go ahead.
Why wasn't I allowed to visit you?
Some of the other patients there were very unwell.
And I didn't want you to be disturbed by their behavior.
I got one.
Here we go.
Did they lock you up in a room?
I wasn't able to leave the hospital without being discharged, but I was free to walk the grounds.
How did you know when you were all better?
Well, it's not like a cold, where you have it and then you don't, but I've learned skills that help me to manage my mental health.
Well, that went over my head.
I got another one.
In The Shining, Jack Nicholson goes nuts and chases people around with an ax.
One question each.
Dang it, it should have started with that one.
I can't believe they gave us the train car.
My dad slipped the conductor five bucks.
Classic.
So what are you thinking?
A couple of buckets of spaghetti for the table?
Sure.
We're going to split the tab.
It's all right.
I got it.
It's him.
Come on.
We didn't pay for a wedding.
We can spring for some spaghetti.
In a bucket.
We know.
I'm happy to chip in.
No, no.
It's between me and him, and we're splitting it.
Dad, we're poor.
Let him pay.
We are not poor.
Wouldn't matter either way.
But we're not.
I would like to propose a toast to Mandy and Georgie.
Your relationship started out with lies and deceit, which usually happens later on in marriage.
Where is this going?
But you two got it out of the way right up front.
So I think the odds are in your favor for having a lifetime of love and happiness to Mandy and Georgie and Cece.
Way to bring it home, baby.
I can do heartfelt.
Dad, are you sad that you got fired?
Mostly angry.
But yeah, maybe a little sad.
All right, let's say grace.
Thank you, God, for this food we are about to receive.
That was the first time I held my father's hand.
I wouldn't touch my brother's hand until 17 years later, thanks to the invention of Purell.
