Bob Quinn here for Sukup Manufacturing.
As you're planting this season's crop, you can't help but think about marketing this crop as well.
And that could mean storing that grain on farm to take advantage of future market opportunities.
Now is the time to think Sukup.
The lead time is ideal for all Sukup products.
You can get your bin, dryer, or material handling in time for fall by ordering now.
Great lead times mean great pricing.
Find your local Sukup dealer at sukup .com, S -U -K -U -P dot com.
Hello, welcome to, or welcome back to Turn it to Care.
If you're new here, my name's Ashley.
I post every single Monday and I was posting on YouTube.
I was posting the podcast on YouTube, but I do think, and I'm really sorry, but I do think I'm going to take a little break from posting the podcast on YouTube because I just don't think it's like something that is necessary.
I thought that it was something that we'd want, you know, you'd want, I'd want and I'm realizing that it's not like really important to me it's not something that I necessarily want to be doing on my main YouTube channel I kind of just want to focus on the podcast here and then posting vlogs and updating you about my life on YouTube and have it two separate things and like let's just be real like no one really needs it so.
I mean if I'm wrong there and you're like Wait a minute, like, we do want it on YouTube.
Let me know, but I think for now, for now, we're gonna keep it on Spotify, Apple, audio, wherever you listen to the audio.
Right now, I would rather be more intentional with my time and put more energy into things that I feel like you guys actually want, and I feel like using my YouTube channel to connect further with you guys with, like, vlogs and more intentional videos would be better.
Again, if I'm wrong, let me know.
I'm gonna still be recording video for podcast clips and uploading those to tiktok and instagram if you like watching those.
So my tiktok is ashley c corbo and my instagram is ashley corbo.
So those will be linked, you just won't be able to watch the full video episode on youtube.
Other than that, nothing's changing.
But anyways, this past week, I posted a video on tiktok saying did you burn a bridge or clear a path?
And it resonated with so many people and the video did really well and I was like wait a minute I want to expand on this more and talk about this more because when I heard that quote initially it rewired something in my brain.
So in today's episode I want to talk about the emotions that we go through when we're going through a big change in our life whether it's like a friendship breakup or a romantic breakup.
You leave your job or you know plans just switch abruptly and you find yourself feeling really shameful for that not working out or you feel like it's your fault or you could've done more and you just have a lot of difficulty grieving the loss of that situation.
So we're going to talk about that.
We're going to talk about reframing losses growth and not feeling guilty or blaming yourself for things that don't work out.
Finding the ability to look at something not working out and know that it didn't work out because it just wasn't right for you.
So with that being said, let's get into episode.
Losing anything or letting go of anything is a really hard thing to go through, change is really difficult but it's even harder when you really want something to work out and it just doesn't whether it's on your terms or their terms. I think friendships and relationships are the most difficult because when you get into a new friendship or new relationship you have this idea of how you want things to go when you become really involved with someone, you have this idea of them in your head and you're like this is the love of my life.
Things are going to work out so good.
We're going to get married, we're going to have kids, we're going to do all these things and then it just doesn't work out and you have to come to terms with the relationship not being what you thought it was going to be.
You have to come to terms with this person isn't the person I thought they were in my head.
I also think it's really hard when you haven't had an easy time making friends and you haven't had a healthy, steady relationship because when you go through another friendship break up or another relationship of yours doesn't work out, it's really easy to blame yourself and be like, well, it must be me.
Like everyone else has such an easy time making friends and keeping friends and everyone has such an easy time dating people and keeping these long, healthy relationships, but I keep losing friends and every guy that I date either cheats on me or leaves me.
So like I must be the problem.
I think for women, especially it's hard when it comes to friendships because if you're someone who has trouble making friends or you've had a couple friendship fallouts, people tend to point the finger at you and be like, well, you're a bad person and you're a bad friend and no wonder why you have no friends like look at your track record and they blame you for these friendships not working out, which can be the case but also not always, like your friends treat you like shit and you're just expected to stay friends with them because the more popular thing to do is to have friends who treat you
like shit then separate yourself from those friends because if you do then like you're a drama -starter and you can't keep friends and you're just so hard to be friends with.
people want to say that you have no friends because you're a bitch and it's like well no I didn't want to be friends with those people because they were being a bitch to me.
and even though you know that's true and you know that you did the right thing for you and you separated yourself from friends who don't treat you right, you're still sitting there alone, being like, well, I must be alone because of me.
Like, I made this decision and maybe it was the wrong decision.
Maybe I overreacted.
Maybe I am expecting too much of those friends.
Maybe I should have just gone with the flow more and just have been an easier person to be friends with, and you end up blaming yourself.
This episode is sponsored by magic spoon.
Growing up, one of my favorite breakfast meals was cereal.
It's so easy and also like as a kid, you love sugar.
but now as an adult, if I were to eat super sugary cereal every morning, I would crash out.
But I recently discovered Magic Spoon and that has been curing my fixation.
Magic Spoon makes high -protein zero -sugar cereal that's reinvented from your childhood.
Magic Spoon cereal hits all the nostalgic flavors that we know and loved as kids like fruity, cocoa, and frosted.
I mean, those are the big three.
All I was eating as a kid, but the best thing about Magic Spoon besides the fact that it's delicious, their cereal has 13 grams of protein, 0 grams of sugar, and 4 grams of net carbs.
Magic Spoon also has high protein treats that are crispy, crunchy, and airy and come in so many good flavors like marshmallow, chocolate, peanut butter, and dark chocolate and they also have 12 grams of protein.
I've been trying to up my protein because I want to build muscle.
Specifically, I want to grow a big fat booty.
So I've been loving eating Magic Spoon specifically their protein treats because I can just throw it in my gym bag, have it before Zumba, have it after the gym.
It's just so easy, it helps me hit my goals, and it tastes so good.
You can get $5 off your next order at Magicspoon .com.
Or look for Magicspoon on Amazon or in your nearest grocery store.
That's Magicspoon .com for $5 off.
That's a really common thing that we do when we feel rejection, or we feel like things aren't working out we try to make sense of it by critiquing ourselves like they didn't want to be my friend because I must be too much I must be asking for too much that person must have cheated on me because I'm not hot enough or I'm too needy or you know my job fired me because I wasn't picking up enough hours or I wasn't helping as much as I could have. it just makes so much more sense to brains to find evidence of us screwing up to validate why someone treated us badly or why something didn't work out for us.
It seems easier to find closure by taking accountability and accountability is a great thing but not when it's forced and also not when you're shaming yourself.
You don't need to shame yourself to find closure, you don't need to shame yourself to move on and that's what I wanna talk about.
Reframing loss as growth, finding the silver lining in something not working out.
So like I said I posted a video with the quote did you burn a bridge, or did you clear a path?
And basically what that means is when you end a connection abruptly or in a not so nice way people tend to look at that as burning a bridge.
You no longer get to connect with that person and you've ruined a chance of having any type of relationship with them again.
For example, quitting your job without giving them two weeks notice.
People would consider that burning a bridge because you didn't give your job the respect or the time for them to fill your spot and more than likely because of that if you were to want to reconnect with them again and get your job back they'd be like no, so you burned that bridge.
Or let's say that you end a friendship with someone without giving them a proper conversation or you lash out at them and you say not the nicest things to them.
If you decide to change your mind about them and you want to be friends with them again more than likely that person is gonna be like well no he said some really hurtful things to me and you don't respect me so no I don't want to be your friend and you burnt that bridge.
When you're someone who has gone through a lot of friendship breakups or you haven't had a steady relationship and things have just been chaotic you feel a lot of shame for it or you could feel a lot of shame for it.
When you have yet another friendship fallout or another relationship that doesn't work out or another job that ends badly you feel like you're the one to blame.
You feel like there must have been something that I could have done to avoid this from happening because like it keeps happening so the common thing is me I be the problem.
I think at any age it's really hard to feel alone or feel like you don't have many friends, but I think especially in your 20s it's really hard because you're constantly being shown other people going out with their friends or having these big tight -knit group of friends.
And when you don't you start questioning like why don't I have that?
Why is it so hard for me to make friends.
And it's even harder when you do make a new friend.
And then it doesn't work out because it kind of reaffirms that you must be the problem like another person who doesn't want to be my friend another bridge that I've burnt and we become so fixated on the fact that it's another one added to the list it's another thing that I fucked up rather than looking at it as you know it's just another thing that didn't work out and it's just another thing leading me to where I'm supposed to be burning a bridge typically refers to things ending in a way where it's difficult if not impossible to go back which can be a bad thing and it's often looked at as a bad
thing which is why we feel like shit when it does happen but it's not always a bad thing sometimes it needs to happen sometimes a bridge needs to be burnt so you don't go back to a place where you don't belong that's why I love the quote did you burn a bridge or clear a path because it's less focused on destruction and more on liberation instead of thinking I fucked up and I feel bad for ruining this connection you can now think this thing just wasn't right for me and I'm letting it go to make room for what is right for me burning a bridge is more focused on I destroyed this thing and I can't
go back to it and I've ruined it whereas clearing a path is focused on I'm removing obstacles and I'm creating new opportunities I don't to go back to things that don't serve me.
I'm moving forward towards things that do serve me.
This episode is sponsored by ZocDoc.
If you didn't know, I was just so sick, I went on a solo trip to Disney, and the second I got home, I was just bedridden.
I was looking on Google and on TikTok for any explanation trying to diagnose myself because it was that bad.
I feel like we've all been there where you've gone down the rabbit hole of trying to be your own doctor and figure out what's wrong with you, but it's time to get help and actually see a doctor with ZocDoc.
ZocDoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high quality, in -network doctors and click to instantly book an appointment.
With ZocDoc you can find doctors for anything you need whether it's for mental health, dental health, primary care, urgent care and so many more.
In my opinion one of the hardest things about going to the doctor is finding a doctor that actually is going to take care of you and not just dismiss your needs.
So one thing I really love about ZocDoc is you can filter for doctors who take your insurance, are located nearby, are a good fit for any medical need you may have, and are highly rated by verified patients.
Also appointments made through ZocDoc happen really quick.
You can typically get in and seen by a doctor within just 24 -72 hours of booking and you can even score same day appointments.
I think ZocDoc is so convenient and easy to use and I definitely recommend it.
Stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to zocdoc .com slash trying not to find an instantly book a top rated doctor today.
That's zocdoc .com slash trying not.
zocdoc .com slash trying not.
A lot of us feel instant regret and guilt when we do anything other than please other people.
So when we stand up for ourselves or we make the decision to walk away from something that no longer serves us, we instantly wanna be like, I'm a bad person.
I did a bad thing. And it's even harder when you're thinking those things and then there's people around you telling you that you're a bad person and you did a bad thing.
it reinforces all those negative thoughts about you.
But at the end of the day, it doesn't matter what other people think about you.
It doesn't matter if people agree or disagree with the decision that you made.
All that matters is that you feel okay with what you've done, you feel like you did what was best for you.
So when you're struggling with the aftermath of burning a bridge or things falling apart ask yourself was my decision destructive or was it actually an act of growth was my decision harmful or is it ultimately better for my well -being and also what did I lose versus what did I gain we're so quick to dial in and only focus on the negative part of a situation the Conflict the damage that was done Losing that person or losing the relationship and we don't think about the bigger picture We get so in our head about what I looked like what this thing looks like what are people saying?
What are people thinking and we don't fully sit with it and think?
Well, what happens next like is this better for me?
Maybe I did what was best for me, maybe this thing had to happen for me to grow, maybe this isn't another bad thing happening to me and it's actually a good thing happening for me, loss can hurt and help you grow at the same time.
Like when I've gone through friendship break ups immediately I felt awful, one because I mean it doesn't feel good to lose a friend, but two I would feel shameful.
It would reinforce this thought I had of myself that I was hard to be friends with and it didn't feel good.
But now I look back at those friendships that felt so hard and I felt so out of place in, and I'm grateful that I had them, but I'm also grateful that they didn't work out.
It takes time to be able to look at something and see it from both sides because when you're fresh out of a friendship breakup or romantic breakup, it's so easy to only look at it through one lens with only one emotion like you're upset you're angry whatever and be like I messed up or they messed up and only see it for that and nothing else only see it as this is what happened and not see the potential of what could happen because of this thing not working out like in my early 20s I wanted these friendships to work out so bad I mean I was borderline forcing them to and there were definitely really
good parts of it like at the beginning of the friendships they great but eventually I just felt excluded and it became very clear that these people did not like me and when things finally came to a close and we were no longer friends I was so hurt and I was so angry but I also just wanted to be friends.
Like my immediate reaction to the friendship ending was to try to fix it and try to make these people like me and I was so hyper fixated on the conflict and trying to fix the conflict rather than Realizing that there's a reason why it wasn't working I wish that I had the ability to zoom out and look at the situation in full sooner like now I'll be able to look at it in this way but I wish Sooner I was able to look at it and be like, okay, you know It sucks that I lost these friends but it's also great that I lost these friends because now I have more time and More energy and more room for other
friendships that align more with me I think about any friendships that I once had that made me feel small or I felt like the energy wasn't reciprocated and I'm so thankful for the friendships I have now.
And I just wonder if I would have these friendships if I was still so involved in the other ones.
I think also when you lose a friend or relationship in an abrupt way and you're forced to be alone.
You learn how to be a really good friend or really good partner.
You're forced to learn more about your expectations and your boundaries and you learn how you want to be treated.
And you end up treating other people so much better because you realize I don't want to make anyone ever feel the way that I did.
So it's like yeah you've lost something or someone but you've also gained something so much more significant.
I think so many people are so afraid to venture out of friendships that they've outgrown or that just aren't working anymore Because they're afraid of what it'll look like or what people will say They're afraid of people being like, well, you can't keep friends.
All you do is lose friends or a drama queen All you do is start problems so They stay in these friendships just to say that they have friends to make it look like they have friends even though these friends make feel like shit.
but it's like people can sit and speculate on what happened and what kind of person you are.
but all that matters is that you know what happened and you know that you did what was best for you.
like, yeah, it looks like you have no friends now and you might be alone but, like i always say, it's better to be alone than surrounded by people that make you feel lonely.
if you know letting go of that friendship was best for you, that's all that matters.
like, why are you gonna feel guilty about doing what's best for your well -being?
why are you gonna shame yourself for not wanting to be friends with people that make you feel bad about yourself.
At the end of the day, is staying in that friendship going to help you grow or is leaving that friendship going to help you grow?
Like yeah, it does suck to lose a friend and it sucks when it feels like everyone else has such an easy time making friends and keeping friends but would you rather have a friend who puts you down and makes everything a competition and isn't supportive and just isn't nice to you or lose that friend and make room for a healthy friendship?
Yeah, it sucks that you had a blowout fight with your boyfriend and you ended up breaking up with him and you're sad now because all you wanted was that relationship to work out.
All you wanted was for that guy to be the person that you envisioned in your head, but he wasn't.
So, would you rather continue in a relationship with someone who disrespects you, doesn't keep their promises, flirt with other girls, cheat on you with other girls and makes you feel bad about yourself or would you rather lose that relationship so eventually when you're ready one day someone who's right for you comes along and you can actually give them a chance!
Yes it sucks that you had a bad day at work so you impulsively quit without putting your two weeks in so now you can never go back!
But would you rather work at a job that you're unhappy at that doesn't pay well and that you're treated like shit by your co -workers or your boss?
Or would you rather quit and be uncomfortable for a little bit but be available when a better job comes along.
When something that you wanted so badly to work out ends up falling apart, it's hard to find closure and move on because there's still part of you that's hoping that it works out.
There's still part of you that believes that damage can be repaired.
You thought that person or that relationship was the real deal and they were the right person but I think it's important to put the what -ifs aside and stop thinking so much about the romanticized version of that person or that situation and what what it could have been what they should have done what what we could be and see it for what it is and see it for what it's not when things would fall apart and things just weren't working and past relationships and past friendships Because I would hold on so goddamn tight because in my head at the time I was like we're end game we're twin flames like
this is what's best for me.
But now I'm able to look back on it and be like no bitch duh duh that's not what was meant for you.
And I'm able to look back at those times and realize that when things were falling apart it wasn't to hurt me.
It was actually to protect me.
I think sometimes not all the time but I think sometimes things do need to be explosive for you to see that you deserve more and you need to move on.
I think sometimes the friendship or the relationship needs an abrupt ending because if there was no abrupt ending there would be no ending.
And you would end up staying in a situation that eventually was going to harm you, whether that's emotionally or mentally or physically or spiritually, it was going to hurt you.
For example, on a past relationship of mine, this guy would hurt me a lot and he would just do the most messed -up things and I would stand by him and let him because, like I said, I thought we were endgame, I thought we were twin flames, I just wanted the relationship to work out.
But then, this girl comes along that he worked with, and he ends up cheating on me and dating her.
So that obviously forced me to stop pursuing him because I might have been dumb, I might have wanted to be with him, but I'm not going to interfere with someone else's relationship.
Obviously it was quite heartbreaking and it was really hard to go through, but I think if something as extreme as that didn't happen, I wouldn't have been forced to move on and let him go and wake up and realize like, this is not the love of your life, babe, like the love of your life wouldn't be dating another girl.
I think that definitely needed to happen because if it didn't, I probably would have let him continue treating me like shit and I probably would have never found the right kind of love for me.
And that's obviously a hard thing to take in because you never want to believe that you deserved the hurt that's been done to you and I'm not saying that I deserved it or you deserve it but I think sometimes things do need to fall apart for better to come together and if that didn't fall apart completely i don't think i would be where i am now two things can be true at once you could be angry that someone mistreated you and also be grateful that they did because you get to move on with your life and find better i think looking at loss as a form of protection is a comforting and empowering way
to interpret things not working out.
So if you are in a situation that's similar to mine where someone just does you really wrong, instead of blaming yourself and being like well I could have done more, I'm not pretty enough, I'm not good enough and you're just like beating yourself up, look at the situation and be like no, he did that or they did that because I deserve better.
They did that because I need to move on.
This didn't work out because there's something better coming along and that would have blocked it.
There is a lot of comfort in finding gratitude for things not working out in order to lead you to where you are now.
You're much less likely to feel ashamed of your past or feel like you need to beat yourself up over things not working out when you're looking at the bigger picture of like well yeah it sucks that it didn't work out but I'm glad that it didn't work out because I wouldn't be where I am without that.
I speak a lot about my past relationships on here and when I speak about those experiences yes it hurt and I'm expressing that are hurt and I'm expressing that I was fucked up what they did but I'm grateful for it I know that I didn't deserve the pain I know the things they did and said were awful but I'm not mad that it happened because if it didn't happen I wouldn't be where I am now I wouldn't be getting married to Josh next year I wouldn't be experiencing my life with him now like Like all the pain that I endured led me to where I am now.
I might not have deserved it.
It might have been fucked up, but I would rather be able to look at it and find power in it than look at it and shame myself for it or feel bad about it.
The same thing with past friendships of mine that didn't work out.
Like I share my experience on this podcast, I can acknowledge the hurt, I can acknowledge what was right, what was wrong but I'm still grateful for the fallout.
There were moments where I was sad or as mad or I wish things happened differently but I'm now able to be grateful that they happened the way they did because of how my life is now.
The same thing with jobs, the same thing with other experiences.
I might have felt shame or guilt or pain in the moment, but I'm grateful for where it led me.
Sometimes bridges do need to be burned so you don't go back over them and sometimes people do need to show you their true color so you stop pursuing them.
Sometimes things do need to be so uncomfortable and so unbearable for you to be like I don't want any part of that.
Sometimes the plan is destroyed because the plan was going to destroy you and for that be grateful that it didn't work out.
Just because something didn't work out doesn't mean that you did something wrong or that you failed or that you're unworthy, it just means that it wasn't for you anymore.
And again for that, be grateful that it didn't work out, because you deserve better.
But that is where I'm going to end today's episode.
I hope you enjoyed it.
It was very therapeutic for me, so I hope it did the same for you.
I love a good therapy session.
If you did like today's episode, let me know.
If you're listening on Spotify, you can leave a comment.
If you're listening anywhere else, just let me know on Instagram, you can share it.
You can slide in my DM's.
Whatever you want to do.
Let me know about YouTube.
I don't know how I feel I think if I am going to continue posting the podcast and YouTube I might make like a separate channel because I really do just want to separate the podcast and my like vlogs and everything on YouTube I don't know so I think we're gonna stick to audio for now forgive me if that's really annoying and you're like Ashley you saw bring them back let me know voice your opinion I want to hear you I yeah just let me know but that's all for today I Hope you loved it.
If you did make sure to rate train it to care five stars, we're almost at 20 ,000 reviews on Spotify, which is crazy.
So that would be really great if you haven't rated trying to care ready.
But that's it. I tend to ramble at the end of the episode.
I love you, and I will talk to you next Monday.
So love you bestie.
I haven't said love you besties in a while.
I feel like I kind of outgrew that.
I don't know. Okay, I'm leaving.
I love you. Talk to you next Monday.
Goodbye. dryer or material handling in time for fall by ordering now.
Great lead times mean great pricing.
Find your local SUKUP dealer at sukup .com.
S -U -K -U -P .com
