Hey, A.D.Z. listeners. This is Jack here. And if you would like to become an
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extra episodes. Now let's get on with the show. Welcome to the A.D.Z. English
podcast. My name is Jack and I'm here with my co-host, Sochil. And today we are in
the Culture Corner and we are talking about first dates in America and the
dating etiquette related to a first date. So just we're just focusing on the
first date and what is good dating etiquette for a first date. And Sochil, I'll
let you kick it off because I know you've got probably you're like five rules of
first dates or something like that. No, I've actually never been on a first
date in America and I haven't been on a first date in like almost two years now.
But I do have an idea of what's socially appropriate. So I would say things
have changed over time. Back in the day, I think it was like way more formal. Like
the guy usually comes picks you up at your house. And you guys go somewhere
together and it's usually kind of like a longer, more serious affair. Like you
might do dinner in a movie or like something more time consuming like that. But
nowadays it's a lot more casual. I mean, when I went on first dates here in
Mexico is still quite like quite formal. So it was a similar kind of thing. But in
the US, I would say it's it's very casual now. So someone might tell you like, hey
do you want to meet up somewhere? They might still come pick you up, especially
if you can't drive and you're like a foreigner in the country, you don't know
your way around. Then I would say it's polite for them to pick you up at that
point. And what's I gonna say? Yeah, I mean, I think those are the basics. And now
what your first date activities are usually way more relaxed like going out
for a coffee or an ice cream or a drink alcoholic or non-alcoholic. And it's
just a pretty relaxed kind of event. What would you say, Jack? I mean, I think
we're having like I think there are two different conversations to be had with
this. I think the first one is traditional dating, which is almost gone now. And
so I'm like, you're another country, but in the US, yeah, it's like, yeah. So because
we're just we're just doing America right now. So in America for our students
who will be traveling to America or go to America someday, this is what you
could would have expected about 20 years ago or 30 years ago. The if you're a
female, the man asks you out, he calls you, he tells you, I'll pick you up at
seven o'clock. He picks you up. He chooses the restaurant. You go to the restaurant.
He pulls out your chair and then pushes your chair in, you know, so it's all
really a thing back then. That's it is. You did that. I wasn't even born. I
think that's what you don't put your elbows on the table. All the table manners
everything applies, you know, that we talked about last week. Put your napkin
in your lap. You know, talking with your mouthfuls are no tune with your mouth open,
no talking with your mouthful, no burping, no slurping, no burping, no slurping.
Um, at the end, the man pays the bill. That's that's the tradition for the first
date. There's the man pays. Um, after the date, you might go watch a movie or
something like that. Uh, again, the man pays for the tickets because it's a
first date. He asked you out. It's his responsibility to, um, you know, to pay.
Um, and he drops you off at home and then he'll call you, you know, a day or two
later or something if he wants to, you know, go out with you again. If it went
well, if the conversation was terrible, you, you know, he'll never call you
again or you'll not answer your phone or whatever, you know, you'll sprain your
calls. Um, now in the modern day, it's just everything is like, um, sped up, right?
It's like you have like Tinder where you're swiping and then you go meet the
person for a drink. And if you don't hit it off, meaning if you don't get along well
in the first five or 10 minutes, you guys just, both people are like, yeah,
yeah, I guess it's not going to be good. See you later.
I think it's quite, yeah, I mean, I wish it was. I don't think it's quite that simplistic.
I think it's kind of, I think it's similar. I think a lot of people meet on
dating apps. Um, and it's, they're not seen as something inappropriate.
Like they are in other countries. People don't use them for hookups, which means like
just a casual thing. A lot of people develop formal relationships from
Tinder and stuff like that in the US actually. Um, but yeah, it's really common to
meet on dating apps like Bumble, Tinder and I don't know. They're, they're a bunch
like a million of them. Yeah, it's before my time. Yeah.
And you might also meet, uh, through college, like if you're going as an exchange
student, like you might meet someone there or whatever. And the person will ask you to
on a date. I think nowadays it's like less common as someone on a date.
And most guys are like, hey, do you want to hang out? And that's a pet peeve of mine.
Because, you know, man, often ask me on a date. If you want to go on a date,
like don't be like, do you want to just be? Yeah.
Men don't want to get rejected. So they'll still say something very ambiguous.
You know, just like, Hey, do you want to hang out? And then if the woman says, no, I don't want to.
It's like, well, that's okay. Cause it wasn't a date anyway.
I was just asking you to hang out. It's like a way to protect your ego, you know?
Yeah, but it's so annoying. It's like, come on, man up. Um, so
men will just kind of ask you like, do you want to hang out? Do you want to do a drink?
A lot of guys will say stuff like, what are you doing this weekend? Or like when
and stuff like that. A lot of times it's like precursors to asking you out.
And then you'll just go for something simple, like a drink or a coffee. I don't,
I don't recommend going for a drink on a first date. Cause like alcohol in the mix, like I just don't
trust people. I don't know that well. But it's a common thing. So if a guy asks you out for drinks
in the US, like don't be offended. Just maybe say, uh, I don't, I don't drink much or something.
And then plan something else. Um, but, uh, yeah, go up for coffee. Yeah, go up for coffee and
ice cream, something to drink. Go take a walk. It's usually pretty casual. And then, um,
say you have something to do after so that you can like weasel your way out. It goes terribly. Like,
oh, you know, I have like, I have this thing I have to go to later. But yeah,
sure. I'd love to just meet up for a coffee or something. And then you have like some weasel room
to get out of a back date. I think everything's just been kind of like expedited more, you know,
to be more efficient. It's just like, it's like speed dating now, you know, just using an app.
You go out, you know, on a Tuesday and on a Wednesday, a different person on a Thursday,
a different person on a Friday. And you just, you just keep, you know, I've never done that. But I
yes, there are people who are like professional Tinder-daters and go out pretty often. But, um,
I would say, uh, don't be disappointed if it like fizzles out or something. I think that's
really common in the US. And don't also be disappointed. Like, you get home. He doesn't text you and
ask if you made it back. Okay. He doesn't text you for like three days. That's pretty normal in the US.
I know in other countries, they're supposed to text you like right away. Like, hey,
did you make a home okay? And there's like supposed to keep texting you constantly. But, no, no, no,
that's not a thing in the US. No, it's that's called neediness and it's too, uh, yeah, it's too
overwhelming. It can seem creepy if a guy is like, if a US guy is doing that, and he doesn't know
that your culture is like really communicative or something, like he might be a creep. So,
I'd be careful. And also, I would say, you know, if if you meet somebody and they do a more
traditional approach where they ask you out on a date, you know, face to face, that person's got
some integrity. That might be a person that's much more a better candidate for a relationship
than some Tinder person. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. A person from, yeah, like from a class or something,
ask you all, yeah, they definitely have, uh, have some backbone. They have some backbone. And
I'll also tell you what, men, uh, men, plan the first date, like just take the initiative.
We're going here at this time. Then we're going to go here at this time and do this thing. Don't,
don't be like, uh, you know, let the woman say, so what do you want to do? And you're like, well,
I don't know what do you want to do? Uh, that women hate that. They hated passionately.
They want you to take the initiative and decide where to go. What time, where you're going,
it will make you look, if you're, if let's say your appearance is like six or seven,
if you take initiative, you could be an eight or a nine. Like, you know, it'll raise you up to two points.
Yeah. Um, okay. How about some dating don'ts on a first date? I would say don't go to the movies
because you have like no chance to talk. Can't talk, right? Yeah. I can't get to know someone.
Don't do like a long don't in modern day, don't do a commitment like going to dinner in a movie
or something like long form because if you don't like the person, it's like hard to get out of the date.
You got to finish the meal and it's just yeah, horrible. Um, don't don't talk about yourself too much.
Ask questions. Listen, you know, yeah, for men, that's important for women. Don't reveal too much
information about yourself. Yeah. Uh, because you just never know when a man's going to be just like.
Oh, yeah. And don't talk about X's don't talk about your former relationships.
Right. Don't talk about your prior, prior relationships. Just you're like vetting this person
like a job interview. So just like get to know them like what is their job or if they're a student,
like what's their major and what are your common interests? Like just keep it lighthearted.
And uh, what are some other dating don'ts? I would say nowadays always offered a pay. The person
who asks the other person on the date should pay. I still think that's modern day. Yeah. But
uh, as a woman, it's fine to offer to pay for your half or whatever. And um, but if a woman offers
to pay for your for her half, don't let her. Yeah. Don't unless she's like uncomfortable and she
seems like she really, really wants to pay because she wants to get out of this as fast as possible.
Even then, I would say like if you like choose a restaurant, you can afford to pay for both people.
So don't choose a super nice restaurant. If you're, if you don't have a lot of money, choose a
restaurant that you can afford to pay for both people, both you and the person you're asking out.
Don't choose an expensive restaurant and then expect her to pay half of her, uh, of her meal.
Her meal is over a cost. Yeah. It's really, it's really ugly. That's, it looks bad. It's really.
It does. Yeah. Don't go, uh, to like don't take a lady out to McDonald's or like something,
you know, no, those are not, that does not count. That's not a date. You can get a cheap, you can like
plan a date that's affordable, um, other places like look for little spots and cafes and things that
have like reasonable prices like local prices. Yeah. And or just plan something cheap like going
for an ice cream or getting a coffee if that's what you can afford. But don't, um, take her to like
McDonald's or like a fast food chain or something. You can get a great sandwich restaurant that is,
that is that is privately owned by, by just like a, uh, you know, a small business owner where
they make like great sandwiches. Yeah. That it, that'll cost you the same or less than McDonald's,
you know, right. So please don't take a lady out to McDonald's first take. Yeah. And, uh, what
other don'ts don't have them meet your parents or something on the first day. That would be
absolutely crazy. That's crazy. Don't smoke. If you're a smoker, don't smoke. That's wrong.
Conor first day for women for safety for men. It just looks bad. You know what I mean? Don't,
don't do that. Um, don't show up late. People care a lot about being punctual in the US, even as a
woman like women have a little more leeway to be a little bit late. Don't be more than 15 minutes late,
especially without letting the person know because here in Mexico, a woman can be anywhere for like two
hours late. Don't do that in the US. The guy's going to be long gone. Um, it just shows respect for
other people's time and that you can be on time and you're a punctual, reliable person. Um, so be
on time. And don't wear a ripped T-shirt and a pair of jogging shorts or something like that. Yeah,
don't go looking, you know, weird. In the US, it's true that we dress really casually, but you still
want to look nice and casual for first day. So like women, if you don't know what to wear and
men, if you don't know what to wear, look up first day outfits on YouTube, um, for YouTubers that
are based in the US and a lot of that will just give you like a good idea about what you can wear.
Yeah. Yeah. All right. I think that's pretty much concludes our first date etiquette for
America. If you guys have any further questions about what dating etiquette is like in America,
please shoot us an email at a.tz English podcast at gmail.com. We would love to answer your
questions. This is a really fun topic for us. Leave a comment down below that really helps with
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and I will answer. We will see you guys next time. Bye bye. Bye bye.
