No peeking.
No peeking.
No peeking.
All right, all right.
But you better be wearing clothes when I open my eyes.
All right.
Open your eyes.
Sweet mother of all that is good and pure.
Huh?
Days of Our Lives picked up my option.
Congratulations!
Now we can finally watch Green Anchors the way it was meant to be seen.
So, uh, which one is mine?
Whichever one you want, man.
Whichever one you want.
Not that one.
Oh, yes.
Oh, yeah, that's the stuff.
Do we dare?
Hey, I hear that you and Joshua are going out to dinner with Ross and Emily and I think that's, I think that's really cool.
Yeah, Rachel, I think you're handling that really well.
Handling it?
What do you mean, handling it?
There's nothing to handle.
You know, maybe I would have a problem with this if it wasn't for me and Joshua.
You know, they're not gonna get married anyway.
Come on.
They rushed into this thing so fast, it's ridiculous.
I mean, they're gonna be engaged for, like, what, a year?
And somewhere along the way, one of them is gonna realize what they've done and they're gonna call the whole thing off.
I'm telling you, you're gonna be dancing at my wedding before you're dancing at theirs.
Yeah, well, I don't dance at weddings.
Why not?
Because weddings are a great place to meet women, and when I dance, I look like this.
So what are you guys doing four weeks from today?
Nothing.
Nothing.
I am... free.
Great, because Emily and I are getting married in a month.
What?
Yep.
In a month?
Yeah.
You mean 30 days?
Yeah.
From now?
Yeah.
That's great.
Yeah.
So how'd it go?
It was amazing.
You know how you always think you're great in bed?
The fact that you'd even asked that question shows how little you know me.
Well, it's like, last night, I couldn't do the thing that usually makes me great.
So I had to do all this other stuff.
And the response I got, man, oh, man, was like a ticker tape parade.
Yes, I know.
As it happens, my room is very, very close to the parade route.
It was amazing.
And not just for her.
For me, too.
It's like, all of a sudden, I'm blind, but all my other senses are heightened, you know?
It's like I was able to appreciate it on another level.
I didn't know you had another level.
Hey.
Hey.
Sorry I'm late.
Did I miss anything?
Joey's stuffing 15 Oreos in his mouth.
15?
Your personal best.
So, where were you?
Oh, on a date.
Yeah, I met this girl on the train going to a museum upstate.
Oh, yeah?
Which museum?
No, answer his.
Okay, it was just me and her at the back of the train, and I sat near the door, so she'd have to pass by me if she wanted to like switch cars.
She was totally at my mercy.
Were you so late because you were burying this woman?
No, I'm getting back now because she lives in Poughkeepsie.
She seems really great, but she's, like, two and a half hours away.
How can she be great if she's from Poughkeepsie?
Okay, that joke would have killed in Albany.
Done.
I did it.
Who's stupid now, huh?
Hey.
Hey.
I got you something.
Open it.
Okay.
It's a chicken.
It's cute, huh?
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
You guys, do you know anything about chicks?
Fowl?
No.
Women?
No.
Okay, well, they are a huge responsibility.
Especially at this age, they require constant care.
They need just the right food and lots and lots of love.
Oh, well, no problem.
Easy, Lenny.
So what do you think?
I think it's the most beautiful table I've ever seen.
I know.
So how does this work?
You gonna balance the plates on these little guys' heads?
Who cares?
We'll eat at the sink.
Come on.
Heads up, Ross.
Score!
You suck.
Ross, you gotta stop, okay?
You can't just stare through the peephole for three hours.
You're gonna get peep-eyed.
I knew it.
I knew it.
I always knew she liked him.
You know, she'd say no, but here we are, right?
We just broke up.
First thing she does.
You didn't just break up.
Hey, it's been, like, three weeks.
You slept with somebody three hours after you thought you broke up.
I mean, bullets have left guns slower.
Here they come.
Here they... Oh, if she kisses him goodnight, I'm gonna kill myself.
I swear.
I can't... I can't watch this.
Come on, date over.
Date over.
Oh, here we go.
She's going in.
Okay.
She's going in.
He's going in.
He's going in.
The door's closed.
I can't see anything but the door closed.
And the inventor of the door rests happily in his grave.
Okay, I have to do something.
I mean, I have to stop it.
Stop what?
I don't know, but I have a feeling that my being there will do it.
I go over and I will borrow something.
Juice.
I need juice.
No.
You can't.
It must be stuff.
I am your friend and I am not going to let you do this.
You are surprisingly strong.
I need juice.
People need juice.
Look, man.
People need juice.
Listen to me.
She's moving on, OK?
If it's not this guy, it's going to be somebody else.
And unless you're thinking about subletting my peephole, you are going to have to get used to the fact that the relationship is over.
OK, man?
It's over.
Yeah, OK.
OK.
It's just I miss her so much.
We have got to get you lazy boys out of these chairs.
You should go outside and be with the three-dimensional people.
No.
Inside, good.
Outside, bad.
You guys are so pathetic.
Oh, Xanadu!
She's one of us now.
How are you guys?
Hey.
Well, we just wanted to stop by and say goodnight.
Goodnight.
Look at that.
They won't even turn their heads.
All right, you guys.
Taking off my shirt.
Nah, she's lying.
You are falling fast asleep.
Deeper, deeper, deeper.
You are now completely asleep.
You don't need to smoke.
Cigarettes don't control you.
You are a strong, confident woman who does not need to smoke.
A strong, confident woman.
You are a strong, confident woman who does not need to smoke.
A strong, confident woman who does not need to smoke.
Cigarettes don't control you.
You are a strong, confident woman who does not need to smoke.
Joey's your best friend.
You want to make him a cheese sandwich every day.
And you also want to buy him hundreds of dollars worth of pants.
Okay.
I'm going to be moving out, so you are going to be in charge of paying the rent.
Right.
And when does that do?
First of the month.
That's every month?
No, just the months you actually want to live here.
Okay, here's the phone bill.
Oh, my God!
That's our phone number.
Look, I know I kind of sprung this whole me moving out on you thing, so why don't I just cover you for a while?
No, no, no way.
Joey Tribbiani does not take charity.
Anymore.
It's not charity, Joe.
I don't know.
Forget it, okay?
I mean, thanks, but I'm done taking money from you.
All right, I can take care of myself.
Now, what's next?
Come on.
Okay, here's the electric bill.
This is how much we pay for electric?
Well, yeah.
Yeah.
So we'll do the rest of the bills later, then?
Hey, wouldn't it be cool if our duck and our chick had a little baby?
We could call it Chuck.
Or Dick.
Hey.
Hey, hey.
Listen, I need a favor.
I was in the shower, and as I was cleansing myself, I, well, I felt something.
Was it like a sneeze, only better?
No, no.
I mean like a thing on my body.
What was it?
Well, I don't know.
It's kind of in a place that's not visually accessible to me and I was hoping maybe you guys could help me out.
Why?
Come on, you guys.
It's no big deal.
Just go away.
What is it?
Is it a mole?
No, it's too wrinkly to be a mole.
Ew, is it what, a pimple?
No, it's fancier than a pimple.
Look, Ross, why don't you just go see a doctor?
Okay, well, it's definite.
Two more weeks of winter.
Yeah, right.
You look cute in bubbles.
You're just all liquored up.
Hey, it's me.
Coming in.
I've had a very long, hard day.
I'm going to go get some chicken.
You want some?
No, thanks.
No chicken.
Bye-bye, then.
You sure?
Some extra crispy?
Dirty rice?
Beans?
For the last time, no!
Get out!
Get out, Joey!
Alright.
Are you okay?
I'm so sorry.
He wouldn't leave.
He kept asking me if I wanted chicken.
Chicken?
I could eat some chicken.
Hey, Joe!
Yeah, can I get a three-piece, some coleslaw and some beans and a Coke?
Diet Coke.
Wow, I don't know what to say.
What do you say?
I don't know.
It's a bracelet.
Isn't it?
And it's engraved, too.
Check it out.
To my best bud.
Thanks, best bud.
Put it on.
Oh, now?
No, no, I think something this nice should be saved for a special occasion.
Oh, no, no, that's the beauty part.
It goes with everything.
You put this on...
Man, you are so wearing that bracelet.
I so am.
Okay, then what happened?
Uh-huh, uh-huh.
You'll get your turn.
Hey, Fuse, what's going on?
Nothing.
This is not over.
Put your 20 bucks down.
First one to find the tasty treat wins.
Okay?
Mm-hmm.
All right.
Let's get the contestants out of their isolation booths.
And they're off.
Get your foot off my contestant!
Judge!
Judge rules.
No violation.
Oh.
Hey, guys.
Yeah.
Hey.
You know what?
It's so weird to say this, but I just had a great date with Janice.
What?
Are you serious?
Yeah.
I opened up to her about all the terrible stuff that's been happening to me.
I mean, I talked for hours.
It is amazing to have someone give you such, such focused attention.
You don't need Janice for that.
You've got us.
Then the duck gets the nutter butter.
No.
Hey, that's not a nutter butter.
That's just an old wonton.
Judge rules.
Nutter butter.
Tough call.
Yeah.
I reorganized the fridge.
See?
Bottom shelf, meats and dairy.
Middle shelf, fruits and vegetables.
And top shelf, expired products.
Why are you doing this?
Because I am bored.
Out of my mind.
I've already been to the bank, the post office, and the dry cleaners.
Dude, you just described seven days' worth of stuff.
You gotta spread it out a little, you know?
Haven't you ever been unemployed?
Hey, I am not unemployed.
I'm on sabbatical.
Hey, don't get religious on me, okay?
A guy in your position needs to be a little better at relaxing, you know?
Why do you think we have the comfortable chairs, huh?
Look, come here.
Sit down.
Ready?
Watch.
Oh!
And then... Oh, Al!
Huh?
For what?
We just sit?
Oh, no, no.
We're not going to just sit.
Watch.
Hello, Chandler Bing.
Hello, Mr. Bing.
I love you.
All right, whoever this is, stop calling me.
It's been six months.
It's not funny.
But I love you.
Leave me alone.
For the love of God, leave me alone.
And that's Wednesday.
Rach, funny story.
I bumped into Joanna on the street yesterday.
My boss, Joanna?
Wow, that must have been awkward.
Well, no.
Actually, she asked me if I wanted to get a drink.
You didn't say yes to that, did you?
No.
No.
Hello, Rachel.
Well, not at first.
What is she doing here?
I don't understand.
Last time you went out with her, you said she was a big, dull dud.
Well, I think I judged her too quickly.
And this time, we were able to take the relationship to the next level.
Well, last time, I almost got fired.
You must end it.
You must end it now.
Oh, come on.
It's not like this is an everyday occurrence for me.
I mean, usually I'm pretty much just in there by myself.
I'm glad that you saved Ross and the car backfired, but it could have been a bullet and you know you didn't try to save me.
Oh, you're upset because you think I chose Ross over you.
No, I knew you could take care of yourself.
You know?
I mean, Ross, he needs help.
He's not street like us.
What it comes down to is you would risk your life for Ross before you would for me.
That's the bottom line.
No, not exactly.
All right, look, I... I wasn't trying to save Ross.
Okay?
My sandwich was next to Ross.
I was trying to save my sandwich.
From a bullet.
I know it doesn't make much sense.
Much sense?
Chandler, it was instinct, okay?
I just went for it.
So you risked your life for a sandwich.
I know it sounds crazy, but Chandler, this is the greatest sandwich in the world.
So you didn't, uh...
Choose Ross before me.
No!
I would never do that.
You're like my brother.
Really?
Yeah.
In fact, to prove how much you mean to me... Here.
Thanks.
Oh, easy.
It's not a hot dog.
How good is that?
See?
Hey, dude, what are you doing?
I thought you were showing me how much I mean to you.
Yeah, with a bite.
The sky is clear.
The morning's here.
The morning's here.
You have to do that.
It's Saturday.
Oh, come on.
Morning's here.
Morning's here.
The morning's here.
Sunshine is here.
I hate this apartment.
I hate the color of these walls.
I hate the fact that this place still smells like bird.
I hate that singing guy.
Are you kidding?
I love that guy.
Morning's here.
Morning is here.
Stop it!
I will kill you.
The morning's here.
Sunshine's here.
The sky is clear.
The morning's here.
Hey, you're back!
Hey, get into gear.
Breakfast is near.
The dog of night has disappeared.
I'll see you tomorrow morning.
Okay.
What have you been up to?
Oh, you know, the usual. teaching aerobics, partying way too much.
Oh, and in case you were wondering, those are my legs on the new James Bond poster.
Can you hold on a moment?
I have another call.
I love her.
I know.
I'm back.
So, are we gonna get together or what?
Uh, absolutely.
Uh, how about tomorrow afternoon?
Do you know a central perk in the village?
Say five-ish?
Great.
I'll see you then.
Okay.
Okay.
Having a phone has finally paid off.
Okay, even though you do do a good Bob impression, I'm thinking when she sees you tomorrow she's probably gonna realize hey, you're not Bob.
I am hoping that when Bob doesn't show up, she will seek comfort in the open arms of the wry stranger at the next table.
Oh, my God.
You are pure evil.
Okay, pure evil.
Horny and alone.
I've done this.
Still doing the screening thing?
I had sex today.
I never have to answer that phone again.
Hey, Bob, it's Jade.
Listen, I just wanted to tell you that I was really hurt when you didn't show up the other day.
And just so you know, I ended up meeting a guy.
Bob here.
Oh, hi.
So, uh, you met someone, huh?
Yes.
Yes, I did.
In fact, I had sex with him two hours ago.
So, uh, how was he?
Oh, Bob, he was nothing compared to you.
I had to bite my lip to keep from screaming your name.
Well, that makes me feel so good.
It was just so awkward and bumpy.
Well, maybe he has some kind of new cool style that you're not familiar with.
And maybe you have to get used to it.
Well, there really wasn't much time to get used to it, if you know what I mean.
Oh, sorry.
Did I get you?
No, you didn't get me.
It's an electric drill.
You get me, you kill me down.
Do you want this unit or not?
I do not want this unit.
Oh, you should have told me that before.
Not a mind reader.
And we're out of here.
Okay, i'm going to monitors.
Fine chance to win my money back.
Okay, sudden death, one goal, one thousand dollars.
You serious?
Oh yes, Okay.
Get ready to owe me.
Okay.
Okay, here we go.
Ready?
No, no!
One can beat me.
See?
Now that's why only the little fake men are supposed to do the kicking.
Joey, please.
Sorry.
Hello, children.
Hey, wanna play some foosball, please?
Okay.
No, no, no.
We had to move the table into my room, yeah, because of all the boxes.
Come on!
All right, I have one question.
What is the deal with this?
Bye-bye, little puppet joey hand?
Quiet down thing?
You mean this?
Look, I don't know how much more of this I can take.
Did you know he taped over my Baywatch tape with some show about bugs?
My God.
What if that had been porn, huh?
All right, look, you know, this may be tough, but come on, it's Ross.
I survived college with him.
All right.
Guess I can hold out a little longer.
Let's have a game.
Okay.
Yes!
Uh, fellas?
Okay, so he's out of here.
Mm-hmm.
See, Joe, that's why your parents told you not to jump on the bed.
Hey.
Hey.
Oh, is it broken?
No.
I gotta wear this thing for a couple of weeks.
Did you tell the doctor you did it jumping up and down on your bed?
No.
Had a whole story worked out, but then, uh, Chandler sold me out.
Well, I'm sorry, Joe.
I didn't think the doctor was gonna buy that it just fell out of the socket.
Man, this is weird.
Ever realize Captain Crunch's eyebrows are actually on his hat?
That's what's weird?
Joey, the man's been captain of a cereal for the last 40 years.
Oh, look.
What?
The spoon.
You licked and you put.
You licked and you put.
Yeah, so?
Well, don't you see how gross that is?
I mean, that's like you're using my toothbrush. use my toothbrush oh that was only because i used the red one to unclog the drain mine is the red one oh god can open worms everywhere hey why can't we use the same toothbrush but we can use the same soap because soap is soap it's self-cleaning All right, well, next time you take a shower, think about the last thing I wash and the first thing you wash.
Nice try.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Look, Monica.
This is not going to work.
I bet this will work.
You are so great.
I love you.
What?
Nothing.
I said, I said, you're so great.
And then I just, I just stopped talking.
You said you love me.
I can't believe this.
No, I didn't.
Yes, you did.
No, i didn't.
You love me.
No, i don't stop it, stop it, stop it, stop it hello hey hey listen, i'm.
I'm sorry i didn't make it over there today.
Oh, that's okay.
You uh, you had a thing.
Yeah well, i hear the place looks great.
Oh, forget about it.
I'm having a ball.
How's the apartment doing?
Oh, hey, it's terrific.
I mean, it's a regular space... fest.
Oh.
Well, great.
Yeah, I just... you know, wanted to call and say hey.
Well, okay, then.
Was that the oven timer?
That's right, my friend.
It's time for... B-Watch!
Can you believe they gave Stephanie skin cancer?
I still can't believe they promoted her to lieutenant.
You're just saying that because you're in love with Yasmine Bleat.
Well, how could anyone not be in love with Yasmine Bleat?
Hey, hey, they're running.
See, this is the brilliance of the show.
I say always keep them running.
All the time running.
Run.
But this is the last time.
With a chick-chick here and a chick-chick there.
Here a chick, there a chick.
Everywhere a chick-chick.
Chicken.
Hey.
Hey.
How's she doing?
She?
Well, yeah.
Don't you think it's a she?
I don't know.
I can't tell.
Whatever it was went back in too quickly.
Well, anyway, I gotta go change.
I'm meeting some of the cast for drinks.
Excuse me?
What?
I stayed home from work today while you were at rehearsal so somebody could be here with our chick.
Hey, who was up from 2 o'clock this morning until 5 o'clock this morning trying to get her back to sleep.
You don't think I get up when you get up?
Oh, here it comes.
Yes, here it comes.
I'm stuck here all day.
And then you come in and spend two seconds with us and then expect to go off gallivanting with your friends.
Well, I don't think so, mister.
Hey, I need to relax, okay?
I was working all day.
And you don't think taking care of our chick is work?
That's not what I said, okay?
I just meant... I know what you meant!
You notice that ever since we got this chick, we've been fighting a lot more than we used to?
I don't know.
Maybe we weren't ready to have a chick.
I'll take her back tomorrow.
You think we'll get our three bucks back?
Hey, Mr. Kostelik, how's life on the 15th floor?
Yeah, I miss you, too.
Yeah, it's a lot less satisfying to steal pens from your own home, you know?
Well, that's very generous.
Ah, but look, this isn't about the money, you know?
It's just I need something that's more than a job.
I need something I really care about.
And that's on top of the year-end bonus structure you mentioned earlier?
Look, Al, Al, I'm not playing hardball here, okay?
This is not a negotiation.
This is a rejection.
No, no, no, stop saying numbers.
I'm telling you, you've got the wrong guy.
You've got the wrong guy.
I'll see you Monday.
Yeah.
Hey, how's it going?
Did you make any new friends?
Yeah, yeah, I met this woman.
Hey, whoa, whoa.
What's she like?
Uh, well, she's really good in bed.
Zoe, I thought you were gonna try to be friends first.
Well, look, hey, it's all your fault.
What?
Why?
Because you didn't give me advice.
No, you gave me a pick-up line.
As soon as I told her I wanted to, you know, build a foundation and be friends first, I suddenly, through no fault of my own, became irresistible to her.
And a roommate.
What about the closeness?
Closeness, schmoseness.
There was three of us for crying out loud.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
Monica, it's Sunday morning.
I'm not running on a Sunday.
Why not?
Because it's Sunday.
It's God's day.
You say stop, and we stop.
Okay.
Stop.
No, come on, we can't stop.
Come on, we got three more pounds to go.
I am the energy train, and you are on board.
Woo-woo!
Woo-woo!
Woo-woo!
Woo!
Monica, it's 6.30 in the morning.
We're not working out.
It's over.
No way!
With one pound to go?
Come on!
We're working, we're moving, we're in the zone, we're grooving.
Okay, I don't... I don't mind the last pound, okay?
In fact, I kind of like the last pound.
Okay, so don't make me do anything that I'll regret.
Oh, what you gonna do, fat boy, huh?
What?
Nothing, except tell you I think it's wonderful how much energy you have.
Well, thanks.
I mean, especially considering how tough it's been for you to find work.
You know.
You know, I mean, you can't tell your parents you were fired because they'd be disappointed.
Uh-huh.
And it's not as if you have a boyfriend's shoulder to cry on.
Well no, but I.
I mean, if it were me, I think I'd have difficulty just getting out of bed at all.
You know, I try to stay positive.
So you... you feel like going for a run?
All right.
Because, you know, you don't have to.
If you want, you could just take a nap right here.
Okay.
Just for a little while.
Okay.
I didn't know about vomit.
In a minute.
So, what do you say, Joey, you get the whole set of encyclopedias for $1,200.
That works out to just 50 bucks a book.
$1,200?
You think I have $1,200?
I'm home in the middle of the day, and I got patio furniture in my living room.
I guess there's a few things you don't get from book learning.
Well, uh, what can you swing?
How about zero down and zero a month for a long, long time?
You don't have anything.
You want to see what I got?
OK.
I got a baby Tootsie Roll, a movie stub, keys, a Kleenex, a rock, and an army man.
Okay, I get the picture.
Thanks for your time.
And a 50.
Huh.
These must be Chandler's pants.
For 50 bucks, you can get one book.
What'll it be?
A, B, C?
I think I'm gonna stick with the V. I wanna see how this bad boy turns out.
So did you break up with Joanna?
I think so.
It's a good thing you got out when you did before she blew up like that Vesuvius.
The volcano?
Yeah.
And speaking of volcanoes, man, are they a violent igneous rock formation.
What?
Oh, yeah.
Lava spewing, hot ash.
Of course, some are dormant.
Why are you talking about volcanoes all of a sudden?
Well, we can talk about something else.
What do you want to talk about?
Vivisection?
The vast difference?
The Vietnam War?
Can I just play one more hand?
Just one more hand.
No, no, no more.
I cannot lose another dime.
I'm serious this time.
In fact, look, there's, uh, I want to give you something, okay?
And let me give it to you now before I pawn it for cups money.
Now I want you to have the big white dog as a kind of a you know, like a thank you for being such a great roommate.
I can't take the big white dog.
You love it.
It's him, not it.
What if I bought it from you, you know?
And then your nice gesture would be giving it to me at a reasonable price, say $1,500?
Wait a second.
I see what you're trying to do here.
You're trying to give me money again.
When did I try to give you money?
Before, over there with the bills.
You tried to give me charity, I said no, you dropped it.
Okay, then we had a nice last night together.
We had some fun, we gambled, nobody tried to give anybody any money.
Now, out of the blue, you'd start with the charity thing again.
I'm just trying to help you out, OK?
I want to make sure that you're OK.
I will be OK.
Look, Chandler, you got to get it out of your head that I can't take care of myself, OK?
Look, I'm not going to miss you helping me out with money.
The only thing that I'm going to miss is you.
And now the dog.
