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Could text -a -tunism be damaging your friendships?
Thanks for asking. Is there anyone in your phone contacts who only seems to text you when they need something?
It might be a nice surprise at first when you see their name on your notifications, but then when you read the content of their message, the real reason for them reaching out becomes obvious.
You just know that once you give them what they need, it won't take long for them to disappear again.
If this friendship dynamic rings a bell, you're most likely dealing with a text -a -tunist, and you may not even have realised it.
Is asking for favours by text really that bad?
The thing is, text -a -tunism isn't just about helping a friend in need, which is of course perfectly normal.
It's got more to do with the unbalanced, one -sided nature of a relationship.
Let's say you suggest hanging out or spending time together at the weekend, but the other person waits until the weekend has already passed before replying.
Sorry, I couldn't make it.
Oh, and by the way, can you send me the address to that restaurant you told me about or help me move flat in a few days?
Given how little attention textotunists give to anything other than their own needs, you could say it's akin to ghosting and over time it can harm self -esteem for the other person in the friendship.
The Huffington Post ran a feature on text -to -tunism in October 2023 and spoke to American therapist Nicole Saunders for some expert insights.
She went on record saying when there is a lack of reciprocity and responses seem consistently one -sided or transactional, we may feel a lack of social support or, even worse, used and taken advantage of.
Nobody expects to routinely feel those vulnerable emotions within a friendship.
Well, first of all, don't assume your friend is simply doing this to hurt you.
Some people just don't like texting or get overwhelmed by notifications, so they might limit their text use to these kinds of scenarios.
And of course, texts alone don't define a friendship.
You might find each other great company in real life, but it's really up to you to assess the relationship and determine if there's a real imbalance.
balance. Ultimately, the best solution is to have a frank, open conversation about it.
Before making any drastic decisions, discuss the situation with your friend and maybe give them a call or meet up in person rather than texting.
There you have it. Now you know how text -to -tunism could be damaging your friendships.
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