These are my personal opinions always seek a professional when you're making choices about your mental health and well -being I Got a message once a while back from somebody who was married and their marriage was starting to go really sour it was really getting bad because the husband kept blaming the wife for everything.
He wouldn't take any responsibility and he would make her feel guilty and no matter what she did it wasn't good enough and he would always try to make her feel responsible for everything wrong in the relationship and on and on so I thought about that and I realized there are a lot of people out there that do this kind of behavior are sometimes passive aggressive, sometimes active aggressive and they'll do and say things that make you feel bad and that is their intention to make you feel bad.
Their intention is to make you feel bad in some way.
The problem is they do it in a passive aggressive way instead of a direct way or a direct communication way where, for example, I guess you didn't take out the trash again.
It's sort of direct but it's got an angry undertone or an upset undertone.
So if somebody says I guess you didn't take out the trash again, that's sort of passive aggressive because you're trying to express an emotion without saying what you feel.
So that's kind of how I see passive aggressive behavior, is when you're expressing an emotion not exactly telling the person what the emotion is and to express the emotion it would sound more like this I'm upset that you didn't take the trash out totally different and very direct and it's a emotionally intelligent way to express yourself as opposed to I guess when I get home the trash is still going be piled up, isn't it?
Where does that go?
Where does that go when you talk to somebody like that?
I mean, granted, they were probably supposed to do it.
You had a conversation on it.
Or they promised they were probably supposed to do it.
But how productive is it to speak in any type of passive tone like that without expressing the emotion that you're feeling.
And I've seen relations...you've seen relationships that have gone years with this tone.
I know somebody...I know a couple that is in their seventies that talk like this back and forth constantly.
It drives me crazy because there's no direct communication and there's no expression of feelings, of emotions, of their own thoughts about what's going on.
One might say, I guess you're not gonna cook dinner tonight, and I'm laughing because it gets ridiculous, but one might say that.
And the other one, how do they respond?
They're gonna be upset and they're gonna go back and forth.
Oh I'm gonna cook dinner." Okay, I guess me cooking dinner last week, you know, five days last week, was not good enough for you.
So again, passive -aggressive, passive communication instead of active direct communication.
I prefer the direct route and I'm gonna give you a couple ways to handle this when it happens, but I prefer when somebody says, I thought you said you were going to cook dinner.
You know, they might be upset.
They're not saying, I'm upset that you said that and you didn't do it, but you know you kind of have to open the door sometimes.
The door might be, hmm, I came home and they said they were going to cook dinner, but they didn't.
I thought you said you were going to cook dinner.
That might actually lead a fight it could or somebody like me maybe I might walk in and say oh dinner is not cooked you know say that to myself and then I'll say hey do you want me to start dinner.
So that's kind of a step in the the right direction also expressing it's still passive but I'm expressing in a way that leads us to a step in a good direction.
At least that's the intention.
But maybe you think that could still cause an argument.
And it could. Maybe saying something like that causes the other person to say, what do you mean you're going to start dinner?
I told you I was going to start dinner.
So, I'll do it. I've experienced that myself.
And even your best intentions are paved with what is it called, the road to hell is paved with good intentions.
And so we try. And then we fail.
And then we learn how to communicate better, hopefully, so that this doesn't happen again.
So if my wife says, hey I'm gonna cook dinner tonight, I think great.
And I think I wonder if it's gonna happen.
And we've talked about this.
She knows that she has, so I mean she was thinking about dinner when she's in the middle of work.
And so dinner time will come around.
I'm getting really hungry and I will ask, do you have plans for dinner or do you plan on starting dinner soon?
Otherwise I can start it.
So I find a more tactful way to enter into that conversation because some people will get offended.
I'm not talking about her anymore, I'm talking about in general.
Some people will get offended.
I told you I was going to do it.
I told you. Why are you even asking that question?
And if they get offended, you know that it's probably something going on in them like why don't you trust me?
A deeper level issue.
I told you I was going to do it.
Why don't you trust me?
And so that might be in there in them.
So if that starts happening in a relationship, what will or what's possible is that somebody answers like that because they have some deeper level issues going on.
And then the other person might get offended, they might feel triggered by that, because they're thinking, well, why are you so upset by this?
I'm just asking the question.
And if they're both upset, and there's no direct communication or no way to get out of that loop of tension and stress that has suddenly begun then what ends up happening is it repeats over and over again and it becomes an intrinsic part of the relationship dynamics that it becomes an intrinsic part of communication of back and forth dialogue and It sounds like bickering and it sounds like nagging and it sounds like these deep layers of upset that are coming out in words but never revealing the truth of what's really going on inside of them.
I mean there's anger, there's upset, there's hurt in these conversations.
And when you bring this hurt, this anger and upset into everyday conversations, you know it doesn't go well the rest of the time.
I mean you can't have a regular conversation without feeling upset in some way even when the conversation is going well.
Because you're carrying forward what hasn't been resolved, and if you carry forward what hasn't been resolved more of the same happens and sometimes compounds and piles on and continues to pile on on top of what's already there.
Pretty soon you've buried what needs to be talked about but you forget or it never comes up or one or both people feel invalidated like they're not being understood or heard and again it just continues.
So I like to avoid that stuff when my wife and I have a conversation and she says something sarcastic or under her breath or has an undertone of anger because you can tell when there's anger or upset under their words because of how they inflict their words how they speak their words and the words themselves usually give it away as well because there's there's no I feel statement like the garbage example I feel upset or I am upset because you said you were gonna take the garbage out and I come home and now the garbage is still piled up.
So it upsets me, you know, I see you sitting there on the couch and you're relaxing and that's great.
You deserve to relax.
That's wonderful, a little positive reinforcement, but I also like to come home to a clean house, especially when you said you were going to do it.
And I had these expectations and now I see it and you know, it's not done.
So that hurts, you know, it upsets me.
that may not be how the conversation goes like that was very well thought out but when someone's upset that could be how at least how the conversation should be painted in your mind.
At least this is just an example this is just a suggestion if you don't have a problem with communication back and forth it's not for you.
But this might help one day with anyone in your life.
Somebody who's being passive -aggressive or it has a little upset in their voice because you can hear it, you can feel it.
So something like, hey it really upset me that you didn't take out the garbage when you said you would.
That could lead to, like I said, that could lead to an argument, but at least it's direct.
At least you're putting it on the table.
At least you're putting it out there so it will be dealt with.
I prefer it to be dealt with.
And And when my wife has said something that I knew there was something more to what she was saying, I will ask the question and this is one of the at least two questions that I wanted to share.
One of the questions is, why do you sound upset?
You sounded like you were maybe upset about that.
I might ask that question.
And the reason I might ask that question, even though I might get an answer I don't I don't like the idea of it not being talked about, it being buried, and having it come out in more destructive ways later.
And believe me, I've asked that question and we've had it out.
We have had it out.
We have gone back and forth and there will be times I'll defend myself and there'll be time she'll say something and I'll back off and say, oh yes.
You're right about that.
You've probably heard me before if you've been listening a while, you've probably heard me say, I love how we argue.
It's not fun. It's not anything I want to do.
But when we have an argument, we listen, and we wait.
And then if we disagree, we have our turn, and we do it.
That's not saying that we don't interrupt every now and but we actually listen, especially when emotions are really high.
We will listen because I want to make sure that I hear everything she's saying because and this is important I believe it's very important for any relationship because I can't imagine she has the intention to hurt me and if we put that into the of the argument where both people have a belief that the other person's intention isn't to hurt you and more likely that they are hurt in some way then we can be more sympathetic and maybe even empathetic in our arguments so when you have a heated argument a heated exchange with somebody especially a loved one it help to to consider that they are hurt in some
way and that's why this is happening it doesn't always stop you from saying things that you regret later or saying things that you find out aren't necessarily accurate or true because the other person can say no this is what happened and then you realize oh you're right that's what happened but the point is to approach the conversation, believing that they must be feeling hurt in some way.
And when you try that on, the people we love, we don't want them to feel hurt.
I don't want my wife to feel hurt.
I want her to be happy.
I want to see her happy.
Happy wife, happy life.
Happy partner, happy, uh, life.
Happy boss, happy life.
That's how I approach things.
It's not always true.
Like if I had a boss, which I no longer do, I'm my own boss and I'm pretty tough on myself so that's enough.
But uh if I had a boss who was always stressed or making my life miserable I would try to make their life more pleasant.
I would try to make their life more stress -free because I know what rolls downhill.
And so I don't want their stress to roll downhill on me.
It's like the time I worked for a couple project managers.
One of them was always stressed and I decided I'm going to create this some magical spreadsheet that has all the figures they want.
And when I did that wow!
She was thrilled. I didn't see too much stress about that or about very particular things that we were talking about after that, you know, project management is stressful anyway, but I mean, in many cases, but when I gave her that solution to one of her problems, my life got easier.
It was so much better for me to not say, that's not my job, and help her do her job, so that my job and my life got easier.
Because I know, again, what rolls downhill.
And so I see the same thing in relationships.
It may not be rolling downhill or uphill or whatever, but when you are intertwined or involved with somebody in your life and their life is difficult, your life's going to be difficult.
If they're unhappy you're probably If somebody that you care about is unhappy, is dealing with a lot, is dealing with stress, the metaphor, it rolls downhill, you know what I mean, will still apply.
That metaphor will still apply.
It's not like an uphill downhill thing with equals and partners and things like that, but it still applies because what bothers them is eventually going to bother you.
Maybe not in the same way, but if they're unhappy, then, uh, you know, your conversation gonna go a lot different and maybe there will be some passive -aggressive stuff going on and then you have to deal with it.
Again, I don't like dealing with it, but if I have to, if she's, you know, my wife is stressed, I'm gonna hear it.
I'm gonna hear it in her voice and she may not direct it at me, but I'm gonna feel it.
I'm gonna feel it in her inflection.
I'm gonna feel it in her energy when she's around me and her body language.
You know, we picked a lot of this stuff subconsciously but when you're aware and observant you can see it.
You can see the hands on the hips.
You can sense it in a lot of ways and just be aware of that so that you can tell where the other person is so perhaps you can squash the negativity that's in the air.
If you can squash the negativity then maybe you can have a productive conversation that doesn't carry that negativity over into the next conversation and the next one and the next one until you become that older couple that I know that is nothing but a bicker fest that's just bickering back and forth it's not even the right words they're just upset all the time and it's very difficult for them to get along because they never address what's going on underneath all their words and all that negativity that's in the air, which you will find with more stubborn people.
I am actually quite stubborn in a lot of ways but after I think about it for a while I come around.
Asha will tell me something or say something to me and I'll say, No, I don't to do that or no I'm not gonna do that I've already made up my mind and it's usually something that maybe would help me or help my business or something like that and I will have thought about it beforehand and she will come up to me and say well why don't you try this I'll say no I'm not gonna do that and then maybe 15, 20, a half an hour later I'll come back to her and say you know that's probably a good idea I'm gonna try it and she'll say what I thought you didn't want do that or I thought you didn't like that.
And I said well I thought about what you said.
And so that's usually how I operate.
I think she knows that by now.
But when I don't come back and I'm adamant about where I am, that's where I am.
That's where I'm gonna go.
The reason I'm telling you that is because I'm direct with her.
I'm very direct. I'm not cold, I'm just direct.
This is what I want, this is what I don't want.
like a friend of ours came up to us and what they said yeah why don't you come over tonight.
It was really late I didn't want to go over and my wife's you know going back and forth.
Well I don't know. I said no I don't want to we've got a lot of stuff we got a trip planned and we got a lot stuff to take care of.
I don't want to go tonight and they're my best friends and I of course would have hung out with them but you know it gets late and I didn't want to so I just said, no that's not what I want to do.
That is honoring myself.
And most people respect that.
Most people respect you honoring yourself.
They want you to feel good in yourself.
They don't want to make you feel guilty, like the person I talked about at the very beginning of this episode.
Her husband was making her feel guilty, making her feel bad, and she realized that she was enabling, or she told me that she was enabling it.
She was allowing it to happen because she would feel guilty and then she would give it and submit to whatever he wanted her to do or whatever.
And that message was the impetus for this episode where I want to at least give you some tools to help in those circumstances when somebody isn't being direct.
When somebody is being passive -aggressive or you can feel and hear the upset in their voice instead of just letting it pass on by asking a question like you sound upset what's going on that's a very healthy normal way to ask you sound upset what's going on I mean you don't ask in an upset way, like, what's wrong with you?
That's not what I mean, but you sound upset.
What's what's happening.
It's a, it's a compassionate, caring, supportive question because you don't want the person you care about or somebody you work with or whatever.
You don't want them to be upset unless you don't care about them.
If you care about somebody, that's what you do.
And even if you don't care about them, it's still a kind, respectful, caring, compassionate way to squash the negativity or at least help them get through whatever is going on inside of them so that it doesn't compound and amplify and get worse later because it's carrying over to the next conversation and the next and the next.
So that's one kind of approach. Hey, you sound upset.
What's going on? How about when they're trying to make you feel bad or trying to you feel guilty if they're being passive -aggressive about it looks like somebody didn't take out the trash again there are a couple ways to handle that if you know you're wrong you could say you're so right i'm sorry i'll do that right away you could do that i'm not saying you have to but that kind of squashes the negativity i'm all about eliminating the resistance and the stress and the tension out of conversations with loved ones and with unloved ones simply so you can have better conversations in the future and get
along better and not have to have that undertone of upset that can be carried forward. So I like to either take responsibility like, oh yeah, you're right, I said I do it, I'm gonna do it right now, I'm putting my shoes on right now, I will take care of it.
I did forget, I'm sorry.
that's sometimes the best you can do.
But what if it happens over and over again Paul?
Yeah right what if it does?
They come home and while you said you'd take out the trash and yeah you took out the trash but now there's some stuff over here that you didn't pick up.
I see you didn't pick that up.
What's going on with that?
Okay, if you have that if you hear something like that and it happens over and over again.
Okay, what about this and what about this you can't do anything right, you might have to take a step back and ask the person, you know, you're upset a lot about these things, is there something else going on?
That's another question.
Is there something else going on because you seem upset about all this stuff and you know I did take out the trash but I guess I missed that and I can't seem to get everything right so I want to find out if there's something else going on so we can just put it on the table and talk about it and get through it because it sounds like you're you're pretty upset and I don't want you to be upset.
I'll do my best to help with whatever I can help with or maybe I'm not doing enough.
Let's talk about this again.
I'm simplifying some of this conversation but I want you know my goal is to get whatever's inside or whatever's underneath this upset sounding person, and you can feel it and when you when you feel it, you want to get to the heart of it instead of bypassing it.
So, I like to just dig a little bit, you know, is something else going on?
You seem very upset about this and I'm all for making things right so let's talk about this.
That might be again a simplified way to say it, but I mean I've had this happen for several months.
When I first started dating Asha, she was upset about something.
I could tell. Her body language, her infections, she wouldn't look at me.
We barely kissed and I knew something was going on.
I think it was like a couple months.
And after a couple months I realized, okay, I got to address this.
I just thought she was in work mode all the time.
But I've got to address this because I don't want a relationship like this.
So I addressed it. I said, what's going on?
You don't look at me.
You don't kiss me. You barely recognize that I'm even here and this and this and this.
And I just told her all this stuff that I'm seeing.
I was ready to hear it.
I was ready for her to say, I'm not in love with you.
You can get the hell out of my place and whatever it took.
I just wanted the truth.
And she said, well, I don't want to upset you.
And she finally told me.
And I said, OK, now we can work through it.
This is great. And she said, you're not upset?
I said, why would I be upset?
You just told me something we can actually do something about.
Yeah, I mean, I have to do something different.
That's what you're trying to tell me now.
I got to do something different.
Perfect. That gives me direction.
That gives me a goal.
If I complete that goal, then we're back on track.
this sounds great." I took it as good news.
Her complaint about me back then was very good news because it was concrete.
It was real. It was tangible.
And I was able to do something about it and then it worked out.
But I hated the feeling of being ignored and avoided and no icon.
I mean, what?" I don't want to live like that with somebody who I'm supposed to be spending, you know, at the time I didn't know, but spending the rest of my life with.
I don't want it to continue like that.
Let's talk about it!
Another one of my favorite lines.
Let's talk about this.
What's going on? I've resolved several big issues like that.
I'm not saying I do all the resolving.
She does too, but we've resolved these issues by bringing them up by being direct, by having some hard conversations.
One philosophy I live by is that I'd rather be direct and honest in my relationship even if it costs the relationship, than to be indirect or dishonest just to keep the relationship.
I live by that philosophy.
I love that philosophy because it is the strongest bond that I've ever created with somebody by knowing what I'm about to say could risk the relationship but I'm gonna say it anyway because it's honest and I'd rather be honest and put it on the table and if our relationship can't survive honesty then it won't survive.
And so when I started this relationship that was one of my highest priorities and values and she had to get used to that she had to get used to I mean she has amazing enlightened perspective on relationships but she never quite had a partner like me and I'm not saying that's a good or bad thing I'm just a different person and because she's never had somebody like me she kind of had to used to some of my quirks and my nuances and my directness and my ability to talk about stuff that could end the relationship because it's honest. Now I say it could end the relationship, but for the most part when two
people care about each other, most things that you talk about will probably not end the relationship.
Most of the things, probably all of the things that I thought would end a relationship probably wouldn't because I've talked about just about everything with Asha and we're still here.
We're still together.
And our bond is stronger than ever.
Ten plus years already and the best relationship of my life because I decided to be forthcoming, to be vulnerable, to be humble with her because sometimes she's right and I have to step back and accept that she's right and sometimes I stick to my guns and I stand and stand my ground and I'm right you know I I feel right and then there are issues where she knows she's right about that issue and I know I'm right about that issue and we can't necessarily find a middle ground but we respect each other enough and we value each other enough to know that our values aren't always in alignment, but our
bigger picture is that we always care about each other and support each other anyway.
And that has taken us through thick and thin.
But the directness has been a huge thing.
I mean, I'm not saying if she gets a bad haircut or something that I'm going to say, hey, you look great.
You should sign up to be a model.
It's not like I'm going to blow smoke up or you know what, and she appreciates that because when she asks me a question how does this look what do these look like on me should I wear these whatever the questions are I'm gonna be honest I think you'd look better in this I don't think you should wear that I'm not always good at it because she'll look and she'll say why did you say that look good and I'll just I don't know I thought that looked good and she'll say you don't have any taste.
Coming back to what I was talking about.
When you want to squash the negativity, squash the negative energy in a conversation.
One of the examples I want to talk about was from the beginning of this episode where the husband was trying to make the wife feel guilty.
So when you have somebody in your life trying to make you feel a certain way.
trying to manipulate your emotional state so that they can cause you to feel a certain way for a certain purpose.
Like emotionally abusive people will try to make their partner or whoever feel guilty because if that person feels guilty they're more likely to listen to the person manipulating them and do what the manipulative person wants them to do.
Because in a state of guilt, you're more likely to submit, you're more likely to go in the direction that they want you to go because you want to make up for what you feel guilty about, which is you think you did something bad or hurtful or wrong.
and when you're in that state, you're more likely to be submissive and compliant.
And so people who abuse your emotions will want you to feel guilty or feel bad.
When you're in that bad state, you want to make up for being bad.
So you're probably going to be nicer to them, nicer to the people that are not being nice to you.
Think about that. And when you are nicer to them, they get what they want and you leave feeling bad you you stay feeling bad and so it's important to recognize when somebody is trying to make you feel a certain way a certain negative way guilty sad bad because they're trying to gain something from that usually they're trying to gain a benefit of some sort if you feel bad or sad or guilty what do they gain from it that is what I like to explore but if you are observant and you can tell they're doing that it might take you stepping out of yourself dissociating from yourself and seeing you in this particular
situation from a third -party perspective and looking at them what are they saying what are they doing and looking at you and seeing things play out and if you can see that they're trying to make you feel bad I think a question is, are you trying to make me feel bad?
It's a simple thing, but are you trying to make me feel guilty?
Are you trying to make me feel sad?
What this does is put them on the spot.
This is a psychological thing, so if you, let's just say I did this in a restaurant once, I said, wow your teeth look amazing!
I told this to a waitress.
I said, wow your teeth look amazing!
Because they were perfect, they were straight there were white and she immediately became self -conscious she started closing her mouth and covering her mouth and I said what are you doing they look great but she knew that I was now focused on her teeth which I wasn't I just noticed them but she believed that her teeth were now the center of my attention the truth was I noticed them I complemented her and I was gonna move on but now the spotlight is on her that's what she thinks this is psychological trick that we can fall for really.
It's not really falling for it but we just become self -conscious about it.
And if you are trying to get away with something and somebody notices what you're doing, you're going to become very self -conscious of it and you will probably, maybe, back off.
So if someone's goal is to make you feel guilty and you can tell what's going on, you can tell they're trying to make me feel guilty here asking the question are you trying to make me feel guilty that might get you somewhere they might say well of course not but if you feel guilty that's not my fault it could because if they're like that they're gonna say something like that but what that does is it's a deflection they're trying to deflect you from the point of the question the focus point of the question which is wait are you trying to make me feel guilty?" So you're not talking about necessarily
the overall or big picture subject matter.
You're just trying to figure out what emotion they're trying to make you feel or more clearly why they're trying to make you feel that emotion.
And you want them to realize that you know what they're doing.
So you're not saying, I know you're trying to make me feel guilty you're asking the question are you trying to make me feel guilty they may say anything at that point but what you've done is you've revealed their hand you have revealed the magic trick and the magician or manipulator doesn't like that they don't want you to know their tricks no offense to magicians but the manipulators out there.
They don't want you to know their tricks and if you say, are you trying to make me feel guilty?
And that is one of their tricks.
They're not going to like it and they're going to pull back or they may get worse.
They may deflect. But the goal is to keep them on target and say yeah but it sounds like you're trying to make me feel guilty and I just to find out why or is that what you're trying to do because that's one thing that manipulative people don't like is that you bring it back to your point they want to deflect you and make a different point to take you off track you bring it back no i want to know if you are trying to make me feel guilty because if you bring it back there again you're pulling the curtain back you're revealing the trick, they don't like that.
Most manipulators don't like that and if you do that enough times where you're revealing what they're trying to make you feel, it will either have a positive effect where they do it less or not at all or a negative effect where they do something else and make it worse for you.
I know it's not an easy answer because it could go either way, but even if they do make it worse, most manipulative people want to abuse your emotional state.
That's why it's called emotional abuse.
They want to make you feel bad.
They want you to experience some negative emotions so that they can keep their power over you and if they have power over you, they can make you do whatever they want.
That's their big dream.
And if they can do whatever they want with you, then what happens?
You become unhappy because nobody wants to feel like they're being controlled.
And even if they do deflect, even if they try to take you off course and you go off course, stay aware of your emotional state.
And stay aware of what they are trying to do and trying to make you feel Because, the more you reveal their tricks, the more they're not going to like it, and hopefully the more they'll avoid doing that with you again, but it could also get worse.
This is like I say in my other podcast, Love and Abuse, pick your battles wisely.
Some of them are not worth fighting.
And so my final question, I forget if I've said this or not yet, but if somebody's being feel a certain thing.
You can hear the inflection.
You can see the body language.
And they're just maybe upset with you.
But they're not really saying they're upset because they're not expressing their emotion.
They're only expressing words hoping that you detect the upset or the anger or whatever.
The question you can ask is, what do you mean by that?
That's one of my favorite questions.
What do you mean by that?
I've done that to anyone who sounds upset in any way toward me but they're not saying it and they just sound whatever snarky or passive -aggressive i'll ask them what do you mean by that and that again where's the spotlight going it goes back on them passive -aggressive people manipulative people anyone that doesn't really like to be direct and speak what's on their mind and use i feel statements like when you did that it made me feel disrespected or whatever if they don't like talking like that and they use some sort of passive -aggressive tone with you then the question what do you mean by that puts
the spotlight back on them and makes them self -conscious of the way they're behaving the way they're talking and they don't like that especially passive -aggressive people they do not like having the spotlight on them because they want to believe that you are the center of attention and the focus should be on you not me and when the focus comes back to them where do they go they're not used to being that center of attention they're just used to getting away with what they say because they're not being direct so it really can't be countered by some people hopefully not you but you can counter this stuff
in a few ways that I talked about today but a lot of them they don't believe that be countered and come back to them but when it is and you ask the question what do you mean by that they're not gonna want to answer that they're they're gonna make something up and when they make something up they might fumble and stumble and stutter and well I mean I don't you know I don't mean anything by it or you they're gonna say something but they won't like the feeling of being responsible for their own actions for their own words because passive aggressive people don't like taking responsibility for their
own actions and their own words.
They want you to take responsibility for what happens next.
They want you to feel something so that they don't have to be direct.
They can be passive.
They can be aggressive.
They're used to getting their way because most people don't know how to counter what they're doing or most people might respond in a passive -aggressive way back leading to that couple in their 70s that know that bicker back and forth and get nowhere and a lot of people are used to that.
They're not used to being direct and not used to having real conversations with I feel statements and putting what is real on the table to get it out in the open to have a real conversation about it so that you can get past it instead of carrying it forward. I hope something in this episode has helped you today.
Thank you for tuning into another episode of the overwhelmed brain.
I appreciate you. If you find value in the show, visit more T o p .com.
That's where you can give back if you are in a position to do so.
There are many people that give to the show and donate.
I mean, not that many, but there are quite a few people that do give and it always warms my heart when I see their names when I see their messages.
I appreciate all of you thank you patrons for doing that and thank you to those who donate.
I am very grateful to all of you.
And for a show on how to navigate the difficult relationship.
Listen to my other podcasts called love and abuse over at loveandabuse .com.
And that's going to give you a lot more than what I talked about today, if you are dealing with anything any of this stuff.
And if you know you're the difficult one of the relationship, and I'm not just talking about passive aggressive behaviors, I'm talking about manipulation and emotional abuse and controlling behaviors, head over to HealedBeing .com and that is where I have created a comprehensive program to help emotionally abusive people heal and change.
If you don't think you're emotionally abusive or you don't have a clue if you are or not, sign up for the free lessons anyway and you'll be able to tell right away.
That's over at HealedBeing .com and with that, always keep your mind open because that's how you make the best decisions and be firm in your decisions and actions so that you can create the life you want.
always take steps to grow and evolve.
You are powerful beyond measure and above all and this is something I absolutely know to be true about you.
You are amazing.
