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Headspace Studio. Hello friends, it's Rosie.
Welcome to Radio Headspace and to Wednesday.
Yesterday, I was talking to my mom about how busy I am and the pressure that comes with that.
And I was feeling a bit guilty because at times this makes me agitated and even sharp with people.
As a suggestion, my mom asked me how my meditation practice was going, and that made me think about how meditation has helped me be more compassionate to myself and others over the years.
So today I thought it would be good to share some ways to have compassion, especially when conflicts arise, and anger starts to rear its ugly head.
I am such a big fan of practicing compassion but also practicing self -compassion.
Now compassion means that I want the suffering of another to end and the practice of self -compassion means I have the desire for my own suffering to end.
And I think when we're in a situation, especially when we're in conflict, if we're feeling like we are suffering, and our feelings are not being seen, heard, and understood, we might feel that the only way to gain the other person's attention is to be loud or to do something abrupt.
Those are the moments where you have to really practice self -compassion, because you are in a state of suffering in that moment.
So, how can you give yourself the space, the breathing space, the emotional space, even the physical space from the situation so that you can self -regulate and put yourself back into a calm state?
So, let me tell you a little story.
I was driving to work and all of a sudden, this woman, she raced in front of me and completely cut me off, and then stuck her arm out and flipped me off.
I immediately went into, I need to show this person a lesson.
So instead of just taking a beat, I just sped up to try and catch up to her.
In that moment, I felt that space of compassion come in.
I just felt the energy of, okay, what's going to happen?
and I'm gonna go up to this lady and do the same thing that she did to me, it's just gonna perpetuate the cycle.
I really let that resonate with me.
So, I felt disrespected, I felt like she was lashing out at me and I had done nothing to her.
I was just having a great day and I had to really just put myself in this woman's position, you know?
Maybe she was trying to get somewhere, maybe she had a really bad day, maybe one of her parents just passed away, maybe she's in an argument with her husband or wife and she's just not happy.
And instead of speeding up and catching up to her I just felt myself relax my shoulders, I took a big deep breath, and I just remembered that it's more important for me to not let that energy affect my physical being.
They don't get to decide how I feel, I get to decide.
And so So I believe that that's a really great way to also practice self -compassion is to know that you can make a choice on how to feel and not let others hijack that from you.
When you're in conflict a great way to practice self -compassion is to take some really deep breaths and really allow yourself to just be in the present moment because if you notice when you get very upset, you stop breathing.
You have an instant physiological reaction.
Take a few deep breaths that helps signal the brain that the body is well, it allows you to calm down, and then I sit up really tall like I have a string pulling me from the crown of my head and I relax my shoulders, I relax the muscles of my face, and I let my jaw unhinge so that I'm not completely tense.
I think another thing that happens when we're in conflict is that we instantly forget the other person.
We're just thinking about how we're being affected, and we're not thinking about how maybe our words or our reaction will affect them.
Anytime that happens, I say, wow, that person is flawed just like me, or wow, that person is having a really bad day.
I've had a bad day too.
I don't need to try and send them a bouquet of flowers, but I can acknowledge the fact that this person is having a human experience and I've had a human experience as well.
If you need help cultivating some self -compassion, check out my Compassion During Conflict practice in the app.
That's it for now. If you want to share your thoughts with me about this episode, be sure to find me on Instagram, at Rosie Acosta.
Thank you so much for letting me share, and as always, thank you so much for listening.
I'll see you back here soon.
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