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You will never experience the same moment twice in your life.
Isn't that mind -blowing?
it's so mind -blowing every single moment in your life is completely brand new that's freaking amazing you know if you really wrap your head around it it is mind -blowing and it's also beautiful at the same time you know because it kind of speaks to the idea that you can always at any given moment start anew have you ever wished you had a wise meditation teacher on speed dial Someone you can call after a long day.
Someone you can lean on for their advice.
Someone to listen and help you to see things differently.
Welcome to Dear Headspace.
Hello, everyone. We are back with another episode of Dear Headspace, a podcast where each week I sit down with a Headspace meditation teacher And we answer your questions.
I'm Robin Hopkins and I am here with Headspace meditation teacher extraordinaire Casonga.
And Casonga, I have got updates for you.
Oh I can't wait and and thank you for the extraordinaire part.
That felt really nice.
It should be on your business cards if it's not already.
I'm just saying. It's not every day you're called extraordinary, so I thoroughly appreciate that.
But no, it's lovely, lovely to be here, Robin.
Well, and as I said, I got some updates for you.
Now the last episode that you and I did together, it was our second episode, and it was called When the News Brings You Down.
And people, if you missed that episode, you gotta head back and you gotta take a listen right now, folks, because it was so good.
Now, you talked a lot, Kasanga, about the opportunity of getting into bed or getting out of bed as meditation moments.
And I tried to implement that into my life.
Okay, Robin, how did it go for you?
How did it go? Okay, you heard the word tried.
Well, so two things happened.
A couple of times, I would be, like, meditating, and I don't know if my son has, like, some spider sense, but just throw in the door open.
Right, right. There's just all that mourning stuff that's happening.
Yeah. And then I ran into, and I feel like this could be a little, TMI here, but I ran into some issues with needing to just, you know, use the facilities first thing in the morning.
Oh, okay, is for real.
So I couldn't quite focus on the feet on the floor.
Well, that's the thing, right?
First of all, it seems like I don't know if this is accurate or not.
I feel like whenever we want to make a significant change in our lives, right?
A shift. I feel like the universe is like, oh really?
Well, let me see how...let me throw this in and see how you react to this.
You know? Like your son like...
I see your meditation, and I see you're son knocking on the door.
Like he never knocks on the door at this time, what's going on?
Right? So I feel like that always, always happens whenever I want to make any kind of significant shift in my life.
So my thing is you know just rolling with it because it's easy to to use that as an excuse right to just Forget about it.
Let me just give up on it.
So, you know, okay the Sun comes in Okay, you know it then it happened today Guess what each moment each day is completely brand new, right?
I'm bringing that whole concept of beginner's mind and letting go right and just see what happens the next morning Well now that we've put all my dirty laundry out What's happening in your life this week?
What are you up to?
What are you going through?
My life is a constant journey of harmony.
So you know, there's always work of course which I love, but then there's also family life, right.
So for instance this week my daughter had this big dance extravaganza, you know, I mean I've taken her practice here and there, you know, but that's kind of my wife and hers, you know, that's their bonding time.
especially this weekend when she had something that was out of state.
But lo and behold, my wife got sick this week.
So, all of my plans kind of went out the window.
I was supposed to link up with my brother and my cousin and hang out a little bit, have some man time, you know?
The universe had other plans for you as well?
Well, let's do a little sickness, right, you know?
So, I took my daughter out of state to her dance extravaganza.
And it was actually a beautiful thing, because that was, this was my youngest daughter, I was 13, and that was just magnificent and lovely bonding time.
Sometimes it's nice when you, especially as a parent, when things get flipped, and the other parent gets to be in that space, you know, because we do have these weird little rolls that get carved out sometimes.
For sure. Yeah, just keeping things in harmony.
And I like the word harmony instead of balance, right?
I feel like balance.
You know, I keep the balance.
I keep everything in balance.
But I kind of, that kind of implies perfection.
You know, if everything's in balance, then everything is perfect.
Then Lord knows it's never, it's always, it's a give and take situation, you know?
So it tends to be the theme of my life these days.
Alright, well it is time for us to break the circle of Cassanga and Robin.
We need to bring in our listeners, because we have got questions we got to answer Cassanga.
Today, we are going to be talking about how to manage change, how to remain present in your relationship and comparing yourself to others on social media.
Here we go. Sounds exciting.
Sounds exciting. Question number one...
I'm Aajshundeep. I'm from India.
The question that I have is that how do you not compare yourself to other people on social media?
for example like you'd see them you know just having fun or just having lots of friends that they have to go out with and you compare your life with those stories or posts as they are such or probably just comparing your worth maybe based on the number of likes you're receiving and getting into this vicious cycle where you're constantly seeking out for external validation through social media.
So it would be great if you could give an advice as to how not to get affected with such things.
Thank you. I hope you have a great day.
That's such a wonderful question right.
I think that question is so, so relevant today.
So just Just a couple of I guess social media tips, if you will.
First off, we all can relate to it, right?
Yes, yes. Because I think that's the nature of social media, right?
You just naturally compare yourself.
So before you even get on to social media, as soon as you're about to, just kind of like what we did today, just setting that intention.
What is my intention for getting on to social media?
What do I want? What am I aware of?
I use Instagram because that's kind of my go -to.
But whatever it is, TikTok, Facebook, whatever the platform is, before you even get on, I'm aware that I'm about to get onto social media.
I'm aware I'm about to get onto Instagram.
Knowing that what you see on Instagram is not the whole truth.
It is not the whole truth.
Some of it's not true at all.
Right. Exactly. That in and of itself, I think can be a huge game changer.
So taking up a pause to just bring yourself into the present before you just go in and mindlessly scroll.
Is that's what you're saying?
Absolutely. And I love that you said that mindlessly scroll, because it's so easy to just, you know, use it.
I myself, I'm guilty of it also.
Just, okay, I have, I just feel like being in a mindless moment right now.
I'm just going to social media, right?
And so speaking of that right.
So once you do that and you're on social media, being aware of how you're feeling, and as soon as, as soon as you notice, okay I've been on for quite some time or I'm feeling some judgment or myself, I'm feeling that I'm comparing myself, as soon as you notice that, what would it, what if I just put it down for a moment.
Right, so going back to that what -if, you know, maybe using that.
What if I just place it down for a couple of minutes and, and see how that feels?
I was going to say I like what you're saying.
I like you're talking about the pause.
And I like that you're talking about intentionality and whatever, but I wonder the platforms are designed for people to just put their best self forward. And it's not real, you know what I mean?
As a, as a performer, I'm always using social media to, you know, to get stuff out there.
But there's a filter in which I think of when I post that's trying to make me look the best. How do we really underline that?
What's happening isn't real?
What like, I mean, 30 % of Twitter or bots, it's not real what people are presenting.
But then in addition to that, they might not even be real people.
Yeah, and isn't that wild?
That is mind -blowing.
Like fake people making you feel bad?
Yeah, and a little bit scary at the same time.
Yeah. I think that's where starting at the very beginning comes into play, like I said, before you even get on.
You have to acknowledge that what you're about to experience is not the whole truth by any means.
Because if you just click on without even taking a moment to acknowledge what you're about to do, then it's so easy to just get pulled in.
But that's where the present moment awareness comes into play, right?
And it's not about judging, right?
It's not about judging it like, this is bad, this is terrible.
It's just what is. Yeah, this is what it is, this is the animal of what social media is, and that's perfectly OK.
However, acknowledging it, because what you don't want is to get pulled in and to get caught up into this space, like the caller said, of comparing yourself, because now you're in a space of self -criticising, self -judgment, which, you know, creates a snowball of internal stress, so on and so forth.
I think there's something that we've sort of talked around, which is this idea of human nature and comparing ourselves to other people.
Like, how do we... I don't know if it's how do we use it, or how do we...
Should we be aware of that?
That that's underneath what's happening?
What are your thoughts on that?
No, no, absolutely, and I love that you said human nature because I think it's just natural for us as human beings to compare ourselves to each other.
So no judgment there whatsoever.
So that acknowledgement that me comparing myself to others that I see on social media is perfectly natural, that can kind of take some of the judgment, if you will.
Yeah, yeah. or the stress away from what the caller is feeling.
Now, where it gets tricky is when now you start to self -deprecate, I'm not as good as what I'm seeing or...
So that's where it gets a little dangerous.
And so, again, just to circle back around to our personal practice, what our personal practice allows us to do is to recognize, number one, that we are all whole beings and wonderful beings in and of ourselves, right?
And so building that confidence, building that self -love, right?
That self -compassion, that's key.
So that when you do find yourself on a platform like social media, and you see people on vacation and you're in the grind of work, let's say, You know, you can kind of say, oh wow, such and such is on vacation.
That's pretty awesome, for them.
I hope they're having a good time, all right?
And maybe I can't wait for my vacation to come at, you know, three months from now.
You know, maybe I'll call them up and see if they can give me some tips or, you know?
Yeah, like leaving with the compassion you're saying.
Exactly, exactly, but again, that compassion towards others, is that love and joy for others, where does it begin?
It begins within ourselves.
So and it cultivates with our practice.
That's one of the huge benefits of having your own personal practice, is that cultivation of self -love, self -compassion.
That personal practice is so key.
It is so key, and really is so important.
All right. there was so much good information.
What you just said, Casanga, so just for our caller work on setting an intention before you pick up your social media device, whatever that is, continue to develop your practice.
Cause that's going to help you and then acknowledging when your feelings of comparison are coming up and then maybe mindfully choosing, you know, something a little more positive because comparison is human nature and, and, you know, we're all in this together.
So if we can get to a place where social media is maybe fun rather than you know this thing that makes you feel bad about yourself that'd be pretty pretty darn amazing.
Yeah, absolutely. All right, well I feel like it is time to move on to question number two.
Are you ready, Kisunga?
I am ready, let's do it.
All right. Here we go.
Hello, my name is Ilona, I'm from Bristol, UK, and um, so lately I've been really thinking about like my relationship a lot.
and it's worrying me and honestly I just want to live in the moment and just enjoy what we have right now without having to be anxious and worry too much it's connected to my attachment style which is an anxious one but yeah like any tips on how to focus on the here and now and stop being anxious and worrying about it because it doesn't seem to help a lot.
Also sorry for the love island noise on the background.
Thank you. Oh my God, I love that she's referencing love island in the background while she talks about being present in a relationship.
It's funny cause I feel like, I know we're going to talk about this in regards to relationship, But I feel like this is a really general question that, if you'd insert anything into relationship, you know, there you are.
Yeah. Yeah, you took the words right out my mouth.
You know, she wants to live in the moment, but she's feeling anxious, and she doesn't want to worry.
So the first thing that comes to mind is, you know, to what is she worrying about?
What is she feeling anxious about?
So I can just say with relationships, worry is going to show its face.
It's part of being in a relationship.
right? So again, the idea is not to judge yourself for being in a space of worry.
So bringing it back to like we said before, that word should.
I shouldn't be worrying.
I shouldn't be feeling anxious.
Versus, Okay, this is what I am feeling right now in this moment, I am in a space of worry, I am feeling some anxiety, right?
And I don't want to feel this.
So you see the difference there.
Again, that takes away the pressure and the judgment.
So once you acknowledge that you are in that space of worry, maybe allowing yourself to create that space and ask yourself, what is it that's creating this worry?
A lot of times what creates worry and anxiety may not be necessarily true, all right.
So, let's say again, we don't know exactly what's the cause is.
But let's just say there's a fear because worry and fear kind of go hand in hand.
Let's say there's a fear of cheating.
Let's just say and a lot of that fear is based on stories that we create in our minds.
And so those stories lead to thoughts.
And so just, all right, I'm in a space of worry.
I'm worrying about my partner cheating on me.
Asking yourself. You're saying, asking yourself if this is true.
Right, asking yourself that simple question.
Is this true? And what's the idea of that, to check in with your gut?
Not necessarily check in with your gut, but just to kind of create that space between the worry and how you're reacting, because it's so easy.
I think my partner's cheating on me.
They did this, that, and the other.
They can snowball into...
And you create all kinds of stories.
They came home late.
Why did they come home late?
I smell a little perfume.
It's so easy for our thoughts to...
Like to put on a pair of glasses where you're looking for everything that's rose -colored and you're gonna see everything that's rose -colored.
It's so easy to do that with worry.
Yeah. Because again, a lot of worry is based on stories that we create in our own heads.
My, my thing that I'm struggling with in this advice is how do you, because I know what you're talking about about stories.
Like, I just had this happened to me last week.
Like, something happened in a, in a work situation.
I made it mean all kinds of things.
And by the end of it, I was pretty sure I was being dropped as an agent.
I was losing all these, like I had really gone down the rabbit hole.
None of that happened.
I made it all up. But how do you put that?
How does that live in side by side with your gut instincts?
Because I really truly believe that your instincts are often you being in tune to things.
So how do we have both these things happen at the same time?
I think that's actually a great question, Robin.
All right. So let's use your example.
Okay. My gut instinct is telling me that I'm about to get, um, tell you said to get fired or dropped.
Yeah, yeah. Dropped.
Yeah. All right. So that's, that's a thought.
That's a feeling that I'm getting.
inside. All right, is it true?
What proof do I have of this being absolutely true?
I mean I had a lot of elaborate things that I had said were true, but then there could have been equally other stories of why they happened.
Yeah, yeah, it's easy, it is so easy to go down a rabbit hole.
So circle back around to our practice, at some point you have to create that space because the thing about the concept of trust and that your inner gut, the truth will always come to light.
It will come to light.
So a cousin of that trust and that instinct is faith.
What am I putting the faith in?
Myself and in truth, and what am I putting the faith in?
Yeah, you're putting your faith in the truth that will eventually come to light.
Let's take it back to our, I'll call Elana, right?
So Elana has this desire to want to be in the moment, but she has this fear or this worry, or this anxiety that she's constantly in the space of that's pulling her out of the present moment.
So the simple advice, actually, that we give to Alana is to acknowledge that the worry is here.
There's nothing wrong with me feeling or experiencing or being in the space of worry and anxiety.
It's perfectly okay.
Maybe circling it back to your practice.
Where am I feeling that in my body?
Am I feeling that in my chest?
Am I feeling it in my knees?
wherever you feel, wherever you're experiencing it and remembering the whole idea of mindful communication, maybe talking to your partner about it?
Yeah. Right? It's so funny you say that because I was just going to say, it's interesting that all this advice for Alana is about her and not about the partnership.
Exactly right. And I love that it's a partnership, right so it's not just one sided, it takes two to tango.
So yeah, so communicating it with your partner, you know, such and such I really love our partnership I really want to be present for our relationship but I have to tell you I'm worrying, I worry about, you know, whatever it is, this, that and the other and it creates intense anxiety within me.
Can we talk about it?
So in the question, Ilana mentions that her attachment style is sort of anxious.
Can you speak on that for a little bit?
First, I think for her to acknowledge and to be aware that her attachment style is anxiety and or worry, I think that's huge.
And so what I would say to Ilana is to first maybe even congratulate yourself on recognizing that.
because I would bet that just doesn't show up in her relationship.
I bet it shows up in other areas of her life also.
Oh, you mean in addition to, it's not just in relationship, it shows up.
Whether it's work, whether it's parenting or dealing with family, or even dealing with just everyday occurrences, right?
That might just be her innate nature.
Default setting, if you will.
Yeah, and again, that's perfectly okay.
we are all built differently.
Acknowledging it, which it sounds like she has, and accepting it is huge.
And remembering that with acceptance, it doesn't mean that you have to like it.
Yeah, that's great advice.
Just like you said, it's great that the awareness is there, but then okay, you can't just get stuck in the awareness, then you need to be like, but but now what?
For sure. And as a former psychotherapist, I'm very tempted to dip into my therapy back here.
A little bag of tricks?
Yeah. When did this start?
When did this first present?
When did you first notice, right?
So actually a huge bit of advice that I would give to Alana is to perhaps seek out a therapist to be able to process this behavior pattern that she noticed within herself.
Yeah. so that's great advice as well because it can't hurt just to have even a deeper understanding.
Never, never hurts.
Never hurts at all.
Okay, Kasanga, let's move on to Lucy.
Question number three.
Here we go. Hi, my name is Lucy Tushinam.
I'm in Surrey. I was wondering if you had any recommendations for good books or podcasts that would deal and help you manage change better.
Thanks. Bye. Oh, thank you, Lucy, for that question.
Yeah. I mean, Lucy, obviously you found us.
That's podcast recommendation.
No, but... That literally was going to be my podcast recommendation.
But, no, no, no, I think this is a great question because, you know, just in the spirit of beginner's mind, right.
Sounds like Lucy is very aware that change is something that is constantly, constantly happening.
I remember I once heard that you will never experience the same moment twice in your life.
isn't that mind -blowing?
it's it's so mind -blowing and it's also beautiful at the same time you know because it kind of speaks to the idea that you can always at any given moment start anew but that does sound like if I'm in Lucy's head that sounds like that might be what's every new moment might be what's giving her anxiety I don't want to put words on Lucy but no it could be scary and I think it's something that that I have sat with for many many years through my practice and what have you so I am in the space where I find it amazing and but I can totally relate that yeah it is it can be also and hella scary all right
yeah so yeah so that is that is one of the reasons why you know we do have these books and she knows she was on my podcast that can guide us you know, day to day, moment by moment and how to deal with, how to deal with change.
So for myself, I can speak really just from, from really from books that really have kind of shaped and helped me with dealing with this phenomena of change.
I have my pen out, I don't know if you've noticed, and I'm ready to write every book down that you say.
So no pressure, Kasanga, but go.
You may or may not have heard me say this numerous times, but I was first introduced to mindfulness and meditation through the book Full Catastrophe Living.
So that book is by Jon Kabat -Zinn, and it kind of gives an outline to mindfulness and meditation, and it really just completely and thoroughly changed my whole world.
Can you tell us how?
And also, I need to hear about the title Full Catastrophe Living, how that relates back.
That's so interesting.
Absolutely. And I love that title Well think about our lives are really like a full catastrophe work It's kind of like the full catastrophe of living and how to mindfully move through this full catastrophe of life So, I'm a certified MBSR instructor.
MBSR is mindfulness -based stress reduction, and this book is kind of like the outline to MBSR, which is kind of an eight -week course that kind of gives mindfulness tools for dealing with everyday life.
So, I was first introduced to mindfulness through this particular book.
Another book by John Kabat -Zinn is, wherever you go, there you are.
Yes, yes. Yes. That's another book I would highly, highly recommend.
Again, speaks to how mindfulness can be very, very helpful in guiding you through your everyday life.
Two books that I would recommend by Eckhart Tolle are Power of Now.
That's kind of self -explanatory, you know, the power of being present, present moment awareness, and A New Earth.
That's another great book.
And a book that I'm reading now that is really, really changing my whole outlook in life and really helping me out day to day is a book by a gentleman by the name of Jason Wilson and it's called Battle Cry.
And it speaks specifically to men's mental health, but I tell you anyone and everyone can really relate to the concepts and the advice and the knowledge that he's they put into this book it really really is a phenomenal book to check out.
Kossanga, other than this amazing podcast, Your Headspace, do you have any other podcast recommendations for Lucy?
Well the main one that I would recommend is our our sister podcast, Radio Headspace.
radio headspace definitely check out the episode of the radio headspace particularly obviously the episodes on change and we have a lovely library there that you can kind of scan through.
I also want to mention it's not a podcast or a book per se but even on the app we have excellent excellent material and courses specific to change so namely there's um there's an approaching change meditation by yours truly.
There's also there's also a course called Navigating Change which I think would be extremely helpful and beneficial.
And then there's also a video called Inspiring Change by one of our teachers Dora and the great soccer player Rahim Sterling.
Kasanga there was so much information and just goodness and all those questions and the answers that was just so great.
Thanks so much, Robin.
But they were great questions, you know, they were wonderful questions.
Very, very real questions, very relevant questions that I think we all experienced and we all have at some point.
And I really wish I could just do this all week.
I know, I know, I know every day would this would be delightful.
Well, thank you everyone for leaving these questions for us without you.
There is no show. And, for those of you out there who are now wondering, wow, should I ask Deer Headspace a question, or should I leave them a voicemail talking about a mindfulness moment from my day?
What should they kasanga?
The answer is a resounding yes.
It sure is. We want your questions.
We want your mindful moments.
Absolutely. And it's so easy to send them to us.
All you have to do is go to sayhi .chat .org deer headspace.
You're going to follow the prompts to record your question.
And if we use your question on the show, you get three months of Headspace for you, or a loved one for free.
And that link will be in the show notes if you don't happen to have a pen handy to write that down.
Yeah, no, no, that's, that's, that's absolutely awesome.
And please, please seriously, keep the voicemails and the questions coming because you are really the heart of the show and we just love receiving them and answering all of your questions.
for sure. Absolutely and as we wind down the episode we've got a treat for you to transition from this moment to the next.
We've actually built in some time here so that you can just take in what you've just heard and just digest it a little bit so this is a moment where you kind of just let your mind do whatever it wants to do to completely let go and actually today what we're gonna leave you with is the soundscape of a boat engine just kind of like some white noise again to just let your mind do whatever it wants to do.
So till next time, stay happy, stay healthy and be kind to each other.
Thirty days later...
Deer Headspace is a Headspace studio's original podcast. It's produced by Robin Hopkins, Ash Jones and Scott Sorensen.
It's executive produced by Morgan Selzer, Sarah Cohen, Baron Farmar and Danny Christemi.
It's hosted and produced by Robin Hopkins, Kesanga Gonday, Dora Camau, Samantha Snowden and Eve Lewis Prieto.
Sound recording and post production is by Dan Kroll, music is by Scott Sorensen and Chris Marguia.
And a very special thanks to Colleen Lutz.
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