Discussion. Chinese Valentine's Day is here, but Cupid's arrow is hitting a little differently for the youth in China's buzzing cities.
A fresh report shows they're totally rewriting the recipe for romance and their new take on love and partnership could completely change the dating game.
Get ready for that fascinating shakeup. We are live from Beijing.
This is Roundtable. I'm Steve. Thank you so much for sharing your time with us today.
For the show, I'm joined by Yushan and Yushun.
First on the program. Get ready for some celestial romance.
Chichi Festival is here August 29th. marks the day.
But while we're celebrating love ancient Chinese style, a cool new report shows that young people here in the country and in the biggest cities in the country are writing a totally different modern love story.
They're rethinking everything the dating game has previously taught us.
So, what does happily ever after look like for this generation?
And how are their relationship goals, new relationship goals, going to shape the future of society?
Romance. Wow. Can you roll your R's? Yeah, roll.
Very nice. Wow. That's so iconic, Steve.
We'll get to the Chichi Festival because I want to learn about the history of that.
There's a lot culturally to explore there.
I want to learn about what that is and we'll get to the dating a little bit later.
Yeah, sure. Because Qixi, the festival Qixi here is often seen as hey let's say China's Valentine's Day of sort and it's when young couples they celebrate it by wishing for lasting love or marriage And it also has a very romantic story that's featured to the day.
That's a legendary reunion of a mythological couple.
So yeah, I think our listeners might be curious of this love romance story too.
Legend has it that Zhinü, the weaver girl, she was a celestial being who lives in the sky and wove rosy clouds in the sky.
And after she's like tired of the dell and rigid life in heaven, she kind of just want to descend on earth and try to look for something new. where she found, met, and married a humble cowherd named Niu Lang.
So they had children, and we thought that she might live happily ever after.
The love between mortals and immortals were forbidden by heaven, so they were forced to separate. and banished to opposite sides of the Silver River.
That's the Milky Way as we know now. once every year on the seventh day of the seventh lunar month, which according to like international common calendar is today this year. a flock of magpies will form a bridge to reunite them for one single day between heaven and earth.
Oh, what a lovely story. So it was a tale of forbidden love.
Yeah, kind of. Yeah, like Romeo and Juliet somehow.
Yeah, and that is where the 七夕 part comes from, seventh day of the seventh month. month of the traditional Chinese calendar, and 七 is actually the pronunciation of Chinese seven.
So the cowherd and weaver girl are also important subjects in Chinese literature and folklore and local opera.
One example is that the most famous work based on their legend is the Huangmei Opera originated from Anhui province that's in southern China, quite close to Shanghai. uh the opera called goddess marriage tian xian pei right that sounds romantic This is a story that's been around for a very long time.
I guess it's a story that everybody here in China knows about then.
Something we grow up listening to or just tells that people tell in classes, sometimes just between parents to kids.
We'll come back to it a little bit later on, but let's get to this report.
I want to know what's going on with young people and their dating concepts these days. days wow there's this recent report called the 2025 report on urban youth Perspectives on Love, Marriage and Childbearing.
Sounds so official, doesn't it? Yeah, it's a long title and very inclusive. and it was released by Shanghai Youth Research Center in collaboration with a dating social platform who provided 1,327 survey results in June 2025.
So this report attempts to capture the real attitude and choices made by urban youth towards their daily relationships, marriage and family planning. say, schemes for their own lives.
And apparently today's young people, they're showing a very different point of view comparing with previous generations.
They're more cautious as in they go with the flow.
This is one option that's chosen by over say 54% of young people within that survey who says that they just want to keep the flow and go with the flow and that's their main approach to love, while over 36% are actively hoping for a partner, and only 3.4% insist that the Y's avoid falling in love, let's say.
All right. So let's have a look at those stats then.
More than half said their attitude towards love is just kind of go with it.
See what happens. 37% sound like they're really looking for somebody.
I think the answer on the survey was, please give me a partner.
And a very small percentage, which is good news, a very small percentage, less than 4% said.
I'm not interested in falling in love. Surprised by any of these results at all?
At least it's showing that most people are not against being in a relationship or anything like that. but they simply just don't see it as a necessity in their life.
If they have one, that's great. If they don't have one, it doesn't affect any quality of their lives or anything.
So basically, I think that's... What a lot of people from the stats is also a lot of people are thinking.
So it's just going with the flow going. Let's see what's going to happen next.
From my point of view, I see many of my female peers are kind of like that too. younger females who are quote-unquote at that age I'm not going to give specific age range because that criteria might fit differently on different people.
But you mean at that age means to get married?
Yeah, at that age suitable to find someone and get married.
And for people like me who is at that age, we are not really against marriage at all.
But in the meantime, we're not really in a rush. to have to find someone right away.
So instead we just be patient, we go with the flow, following the people that I meet every day and go with where my heart's wants to anchor with.
Yeah, I think it's a case where Chinese culture and Western culture kind of overlap because The old concept in the West, which is kind of considered... I don't know if it's considered archaic now... but at least it seems to be changing with the new generation of daters.
You know, the old concept was you finish high school, you go to university.
Finish university, you get a job. You get a job, you get a girlfriend or a boyfriend or a partner.
You get your partner, you date, you get married.
You get married, you'll have offspring. You have offspring, then you plan for their future.
And that's kind of how it goes. Does that sound familiar? with traditional Chinese culture too?
You do certain things at a certain age. That's something we hear all the time in Chinese.
That's how it's literally translated into English, that certain phase of your life is matched with certain tasks you have to take. off that list and marriage is falling into that category too.
But it's just so obvious that nowadays young people, Go with the flow.
They have their own pace now. It's more casual.
Yeah. More casual. Yeah. I love that one.
Please give me a partner. That implies like anybody, just anybody.
I don't even care who it is, just anybody at all.
Any more statistics from that that are worth talking about?
Yeah, there's also a very big, relatively bigger amount over 41% believe that they can still love bravely, that's the key word here, but nearly 60% will give more practical reasons for holding back. where about 17% said that they can't afford love, and 22% said they don't have the time,
And nearly 20% admitted that they simply just don't dare in terms of willingness to date.
That's a pretty... high number. I was looking at these like reasons that they're saying or listing Fine.
Being loved bravely. I mean, why do you have to be brave to be in a relationship?
I was thinking after that. they gave some quote-unquote practical reasons so i was thinking of course you're gonna like spend time energy uh money uh when you're having a relationship but Isn't that the point of having a relationship?
It depends on your perspective, right? The word that you need to be brave to be in a relationship is...
Unromantic? Yeah, and I'm curious about why they're thinking this way.
Yishan, what do you think? Let me share just one example.
I swiped by on Retino this morning. So a girl was sharing this post on Retino saying that I... cross path with this guy on subway almost every single morning.
We stepped into the same train card, subway train card, At the exact same time, we got off at the same station and got off at the same station every single morning for continuously two months.
So this guy, if you're using Red Note and happen to see this one, please know that I see you from this station to this station every single day.
It's Missed Encounters. This used to be like in the newspaper or on Craigslist or something.
So if you see it... So she had a crush on him?
I don't know if it's a crush or just curiosity of wanting to know this guy after traveling together for so long.
But you know what the comment says? Just be brave and ask for his WeChat.
What are you doing? Asking us on Red Notes.
Because... 19.3% don't dare to love. That's why.
That's kind of the beginning of a romantic story, though.
Why doesn't she... This isn't a missed encounter.
She's going to see him tomorrow morning.
She knows about that. I think she did mention that she's going to stop... using subway for a while and maybe travel through other means for quite a long time.
So yeah, before she stopped taking subway, she really wanted to get to know that guy.
Just in case they don't get to meet again a long time later.
In case that morning was the last morning.
It's kind of sweet, but also, yeah, it requires...
Bravery. What about blind dating? Is that part of the culture here? blind dating are we talking about um which is one way of setting up the two partners By a third party in meeting in seek of romantic relationship potential.
Yeah, exactly. So it might be your friend, right?
They might work with somebody and they'll say, oh, I think you two would really hit it off or whatever.
It might be a co-worker of yours that says, oh, let me introduce you to my cousin or something like that.
You don't know who this cousin is. And...
In very dramatic situations, often unappreciated situations, it could be the parents. setting you up with somebody that you've never met.
But a blind date, the point is you don't know who they are and you've never met them before.
I think it's still is quite common here in China if we talk about blind date and the service suggests that Almost 39% of surveyed youth, they believe blind dates are efficient and may even lead to true love. where 54.4% remain cautious but acknowledge that true love is rare to begin with.
It almost sounds like an interview to me, you know?
Well, yeah. You set up someone to meet. You both exchange photos and know each other's background info.
It kind of is a job interview. But then again, every first date is kind of an interview, isn't it? you gotta have that chance to know each other and at that moment you need to introduce yourself maybe and give some personal details about yourself and make the other side to understand and know about you.
I thought this was fun from the survey. 35% believe in love at first sight.
They say that it's important for... blind dates and even more 44% almost felt that first impressions matter less now than the relationship or matters less now than how the relationship develops afterward.
Those are kind of contradictory. Right.
Saying that that first impression is really important, that love at first sight.
But yet also the first impression matters less.
Because it's how the relationship develops.
I don't know how to interpret that. I think that's different phases when you are seeing someone.
You know, the first impression, I think, of course, is going to be very important.
That is the first image that this person is in your mind. whether it's good or not, but after that, after maybe some interaction, maybe some meeting, for i think most cases you will treat it or you'll see this guy or this person as a different person because you will have different ideas on this one because I would say most of the time first impression is not that impression that you have?
I was reading a blog post in preparation for this conversation today.
It was from a young woman from the UK. And she said one of the changes that she was going to make in her life was she was going to empower herself a little bit more with her decision making.
After her failed first dates, in her mind they failed, but she would always go on a second date because she thought, oh, maybe...
Maybe there is something there, right? And she knew in her heart it's probably not going to work out.
And she just kept going on these second dates and she was feeling worse and worse about it.
So the blog post, the point of it was to say, I'm not going to do that anymore.
If I go on a first date and I don't feel it, like there's at least a little bit there that I'm not going to go on that second date.
I would definitely reckon with that because first impression is important, but it varies between different people.
And it's just how much prioritization you're giving to the look and the appearance of an individual that's determining a lot of that first impression.
And yeah, I do believe that chemistry is there and you know it when you know it.
It's not really worth a second date if in the first place who didn't sense anything at all.
That seems to be the attitude of young people these days, yeah.
What about who should take the first action?
Because traditionally, and again, I think we're going to see some cultural overlap here.
Traditionally in Canada, America, Western countries, it was kind of the job of the guy, I think, to take action first, like express interest or to ask the girl out. on the date would that be true traditionally in China too I think so right how about these days then Nowadays, I think mostly still have that kind of idea because according to my experience,
Most of the ladies would want the guys to take the initiative to no matter ask you out or make the next move or something like that.
So this is something that you would expect in some way.
And 82.3% of surveyed young people hope for a Relationship where both sides take initiative and actively engage with each other.
So that's I think slightly changed when I
I think both sides, they would like to... It's not like, okay, you have the responsibility to do that.
It's more like we need to have that kind of... state of mind of we should have that mutual effort to build our relationship together.
Yeah, so it's a little bit different from the past then.
Whoa. from back in the days when I was still available for that slot.
I didn't really care if I feel the vibe is right, I'll ask him out.
And even when paying the bills, if I really, of course, don't feel right about the conversation and the vibe in general, I wouldn't expect to offer to pay or share the bill in the first place.
Quick question from a previous show about a month and a half What if he used a coupon on the first date?
Would that be okay or not okay? You were on that show that day, you said, right?
If it's the first date, I'll say it's fine.
It's okay. Because it's the first date and there's risk for both sides.
And I would totally understand that the guy wants to save some money for a potential instead of a solid, say, dating partner.
So what if you think you're going to have a second date? then if he pays the first time, I'll use coupon to pay for the second date myself.
Very forward thinking. I like it. So that's kind of the way that young people here in China are thinking about dating these days.
I'm reminded of, I think it was back in 2020.
When the word situationship started to pop up in Western social media.
And then around 2022, it hit an all-time high.
This is from the BBC. It hit an all-time high Google search in that year. and a situationship.
I think everybody might know what that means because apparently that term is used here in China too.
I think I've seen it more than once on at least two different dating apps where Chinese young people, they also use the word situationship as in its English form situationship and say that they, they are, just doing situationship or trying to avoid getting into situationship as labeled in their self intro via social media dating app.
Yeah, I think that term is borrowed here.
And that idea is kind of say understood in a way even though personally I do not agree with it as I've encountered so many men back in the days when I was dating Let's say I was trying to look for an apple in a bunch of pineapple.
They also have the APPLE, but they're not what I'm looking for.
They have something in it. They can provide that emotional support and that support simulated scenery where you are dating someone but it's just not the same thing.
So ultimately what you are looking for is a long-term relationship.
I was. But these people are offering situation-shipping in a sense that they...
You two are like dating with each other, flirting with each other, but not official a relationship.
Yeah, it's the gray area, right? In Korea, they have a term for that as well.
It's called . And it comes from something, like there's something between us.
But it basically means, as far as I understand, it.
Situationship where you're kind of in a thing but not really in a thing.
Sounds like bunch of people that have commitment issue it sounds like people who don't want to label themselves as a boyfriend or a girlfriend or an official partner right Speaking of which, official labels.
How about the attitudes on marriage? What were the survey results saying there?
Well, there's nearly half of the respondents saying that I'll just let it happen naturally.
Another 41% see marriage as a necessary life experience, while about 8.9% believe staying single can be just as fulfilling.
8.9%? 8.9, less than 9%. Yeah, that's a pretty low number, right?
Yeah. So it suggests that it's interesting when you compare that statistic with the other situationship statistics where it's the go with the flow, right?
So it's, It's not that young people don't want to date.
They don't want to be in a relationship.
It's just they don't want the pressure of being in a relationship.
Because you said, what, 9%. are interested in being alone.
That means 91% are out there trying to be in relationships.
That's good news then. Yeah. It reminded me of that phenomenon when when you would like to fall asleep earlier and that mind in your mind makes you sleep later that creates your anxiety when you want to sleep sleep earlier that's like when people they still like they want to have relationships they want to have marriages but they don't want to be pressured by these kind of anxieties of you need to get married at certain age and in some way In this way, I mean, the statistics are showing that people just don't want to be pressured by these kind of certain criteria kind of thing.
Yeah, just it's it's like the timeline still exists. but it's just been pushed forward a little bit into the future.
And what people are looking for within the marriage is, it's kind of different as well because traditionally we have this phrase as translated into English.
It's like, You have to marry someone who has an equal family background as yours. as in your status is the same family-wise.
But today's couples, they just put growing... emphasis on equal household roles and financial independence is like everything is shared. within our own little family that we are building or about to build instead of how our family background weights us, whether it's differently or similarly.
That's why there's that trope, right, in romantic dramas where one person from the city, this urban lifestyle with the CEO grandparents or whatever falls in love with the farm hand from the countryside and the audience says, how could this be?
But those times are changing as well. All right.
I want to go back to the Chichi Festival.
So from this festival, how is this related to modern day romance?
Let's say in the one hand in today's society with many more opportunities out there like doing just female entering workforce as well, the Qixi Festival is not really weighted the same as how it was back in the ancient times.
Women at home, they don't need to master say weaving skills or domestic house chores, all that essential.
In a way, the praying to the dexterous handholds or skills, they mean little today.
So today, the Qixi Festival is more or less borrowing that idea of the Western Valentine's Day.
So we kind of want to have such a traditional Chinese day to represent the same connotation of Valentine's Day where...
People can just reunite together between the romantic partners and celebrate it together.
It's not like we're not celebrating the Valentine's Day, but people are coming up with this Chinese version of it just so that it feels more intimate and natural.
So today, Qixi may be known as China's Valentine's Day, but originally it wasn't about romance at all.
Is it sad? That story, they're parted. Yeah, it was a festival for... Also, Qixiaojie is the original form of Qixi Festival.
It was a festival for girls, actually, in ancient times.
Young women prayed to the weaver girl for dexterity as you said, hoping for skillful hands and a good marriage.
So they showed off their needlework under the moonlight and made offerings of fruit. nuts and tea and that's why it was also caught the girls festival or daughters day in Chinese right I remember reading about in ancient times they used to hold events on this day where girls... enter like competitions of trying to put the very complicated thread into the needle and weave something out of it like colorful things out of it to represent the legend story between Niu Lang and Zhi Nu.
So yeah, that's how it was back then. But it's kind of interesting that we're borrowing the romantic side of that story and just creating say To me, a commercialized day.
I was going to ask. I was going to ask. Yeah.
So Valentine's Day in the West. Right. It's celebrated February 14th.
And yeah, it's just a commercial day, isn't it?
But that being said... It's still a day where there are a lot of expectations, right?
Number one, if you're in a relationship and you forget it's February 14th.
You're going to be in some trouble. Number two, if it's February 14th and you forget to do some sort of romantic gesture. for your partner or gestures for your partner, you might end up in trouble unless otherwise agreed.
Is Chichi Festival, does it carry that same weight where there are expectations for young people if they're in a relationship, like today is the day? that day is the day where you're going, you have to do something, at least something romantic for your partner?
I think it does, but not as romantic. like um as important as you were like illustrating when people were thinking uh the western valentines they are But still, I think one of the reasons is that we have so many other festivals to celebrate.
And not only couples, but also these shops and e-commerce platforms, they are creating festivals for not only... for couples, but also for shopping festivals.
So there are other romantic days on the calendar in China too?
Of course. First of all, Western Valentine's Day, the February 14th, people also celebrated.
And also another, I think... kind of a tradition or the cultural aspect of Chinese Valentine's Day.
It's actually on the lanterns, lantern festivals.
Traditionally, yes, where young couples are attracted out by the riddle guessing. events out there and it's not really a time to celebrate between already existing couples but more like pushing young people out there to meet each other.
Meeting up. Seeing it as a chance to go out and meet others.
With romantic expectations? Yes. That's when the Lanterns Festival is... worse traditionally seen as the Valentine's Day, but Today, the Lantern Festival, it carries way too many other cultural meaning that sometimes people forget that that's how it was originally put in ancient times.
Interesting. And then last question, if people are celebrating the festival today in a romantic way, What would people typically be doing today?
Is it just like go out for a romantic dinner, go for a walk in the park, recite poems? some ancient chinese poetry to your part i don't know tell me how this how does this day go uh i'm seeing you shouldn't trying to recall all the experiences from this year no i think most of people will just as we are mentioning go with the flow you know what whatever you like couples would like to do maybe spend time together Maybe a restaurant reservation, gift giving, flowers, also marketing promotions from e-commerce platforms.
A lot of these things can be done. You sound frustrated.
Yeah. Now, frustration, this is part of being in a relationship.
It is what it is, brother. It is what it is.
All right. How can I wrap this up? Okay.
If you're a young apple out there searching for your apple partner in a sea of pineapples, just take it easy.
Go with the flow. And perhaps enjoy a fruit salad in the meantime.
That's perfectly put. Does that make any sense at all?
