How much do you think this pays?
Because I can do that.
Yes, you can.
All you need is a step ladder and boobs.
I'm like the Star Trek Next Generation bar.
Keep your eyes peeled for Whoopi Goldberg in a crazy hat.
I can't believe I'm selling t-shirts out of a duffel bag in the future, too.
I fully support mixing business and pleasure.
The best sex I ever had was with my boss at a Panera Bread.
I thought you said the best sex you ever had was with a dude with six fingers.
Same guy.
Man, can he make a sandwich crazy fast.
Hi, you want to buy a cool tea for your girlfriend?
Let me see if my girlfriend wants a tea.
You want a tea, honey?
Hey, hey, not so fast.
They say cream filled on the back.
Huh, boys, anything?
Wow, gays aren't fun in the future.
And Jesus comes back in the future.
So, uh, what's in the bag?
I've never met a girl at a bar with actual baggage.
That's funny, because you mean, like, emotional.
Really beautiful.
Mmm.
You weren't nearly this hot in the book.
So can I get you ladies a drink?
Sure.
You could just change this water into wine.
Can you, like, do this for me just, like, once?
Thanks for having me.
Oh, lucky them.
I haven't heard I'm beautiful from a non-homeless person in months.
With that hair, the jury's still out.
Hey, can I kiss you?
I suppose a peck wouldn't... So, what?
I'm James.
I'm wet.
I mean, because my arm is resting on water on the bar.
That was so hot, Max.
I have like this animal attraction to him.
What animal?
The horny nerd?
I'll leave.
You stay and do your thing.
But we came together.
Yeah, I know you guys did.
It happened like the second he kissed you.
Don't do this, I just met him.
Look Caroline, I haven't read the Bible, but I know that when Jesus returns, you must follow him back to his apartment.
Let go, let God get to third base.
Max, where's Caroline?
I haven't seen her all day, but I'm guessing she's in heaven.
I'm here, I'm here.
Nope, she's in hell.
Walk of shame, party of one.
Girl.
Girl!
Tell me everything that happened.
Leave out no detail.
It was insane.
I mean, like, so hot.
Like, the Caribbean or our shower that one time.
What are you two celebrating?
I know it isn't a job well done.
We are celebrating the release of the new Star Wars Episode VII trailer online.
Seriously?
Max, we did everything.
We... Ole, can you give us some privacy?
What?
I can't be in the ladies' room.
I can't be in the kitchen.
So, did you... know...
Well, did you?
No.
Well, did you at least?
Oh, god, no.
Well, what did you do, water a plant together?
We had sex.
Last night and today, that's a big thing for me.
And yes, it was.
Yes, that was obvious in the bar.
Skinny jeans or just boner x-rays.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
What?
Rat in the slaw again?
My rings.
I left him at his place.
I have to get them back.
They're half my belongings.
So just text him and say, yo, I left my rings.
Nice wiener.
100 emoji send.
Max, I can't text a guy first.
It's bad enough I have a Groupon for intimacy oil.
Look, worst case scenario, the McRib is gone for good.
Second worst case scenario, we can always implement the two-week rule.
The two-week rule?
Wait, isn't that how long you have to eat Pad Thai before it becomes bad Thai?
No, you really have to read my book.
It means if he doesn't text for two weeks, you can break in and get your stuff.
All that fancy schooling, you didn't learn nothing.
