Discussion.
You're tuned in to Roundtable.
I'm Steve Hatherly today with Fei-Fei and Yushan.
Coming up, one partner sleeps here, the other sleeps over there.
Some living in different cities, while some live in the same city, but just in different apartments.
Huh?
What's going on?
Well, these couples say that distance actually saves their relationship.
So today we'll ask whether planned weekends together is the future of love or just a slow goodbye.
After that, a recent discussion on a Chinese social media platform has sparked widespread debate.
Here's the question.
Would you be willing to give up your lunch break if it meant leaving work earlier?
Hmm.
Well, the topic generated much discussion that day alone, the day it was posted.
It reached millions of views and generated hundreds of real-time discussions.
So the question is, would you give up yours?
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What does modern love look like in a city that never slows down?
For a growing number of couples it no longer means sharing the same home every night.
From weekend couples living in different cities to commuting marriages within sprawling metropolitan hubs, more people are choosing to stay apart, while staying fully committed with each other.
At the heart of this change is something increasingly precious in urban life personal space, perhaps the ultimate luxury in today's relationship.
So I wonder, what does this say about modern love and the direction that we are heading?
Is it odd?
Is it normal?
I don't know what to think about this.
For me, I totally don't see this as odd at all.
When I was a child.
You know we have those school assignments asking what's your future home going to look like?
And I always say, I want two bedrooms.
And people ask why.
I said in the future, if I ever have an argument with my spouse future spouse we can separate bedrooms.
At least we don't have to stick together all the time.
And apparently I am not alone, because in today's high pressure urban environment, the very ability to have a room or an entire apartment as some young people has pushed it that far to just yourself is increasingly viewed as the ultimate luxury.
I'm not sure if you'll, you guys will feel the same, but yeah indeed, in many, especially in urban environments, that has sort of become a new necessity.
So we're not talking about couples living in different cities.
Well, we can.
It could be.
It could be the case indeed.
But I think a lot of people are deliberately choosing not living under the same roof or, you know, only meeting, for example, on weekends, so that they can keep that personal space of themselves.
Yeah well, still be together and share time, quality time together.
That, for me, is kind of different to those who are having like long distance relationships because you have to live apart because, for example, your job opportunities that force you to live in different cities And you can only meet on an agreed time and place.
So therefore, you're saying that is not necessarily done by choice.
Yeah.
I mean, it is because you ultimately choose that for your relationship.
But yet still...
There are outside factors that influence that decision.
Yeah, it can be about payments.
It can be about career development.
There are other factors in play.
But I think in a lot of current cases, for example, there was one post on Red Note.
Oh, this is a really interesting case.
And that person.
I think it's a she.
She said after a year of marriage I still don't know my husband very well.
I think I know that one.
That one is like over 10,000 likes.
Oh, yeah.
No, that's so popular.
But don't just leave it there, though.
That's not the whole post.
So, yeah, that's what she said.
She said, after a year of marriage, I still don't know my husband very well.
She said as well that she and her husband have been dating for over three years and married for one year.
So they started, they were together at the age of 22 and now they're both 26.
And throughout the whole time, They've only ever seen each other on the weekends.
And that includes their time after they got married.
They're still just a weekend couple.
Yeah.
And this person I remember she wrote in the post that well And she hope that well, it's kind of their mutual hope that Friday is the best day of the week because that's when the husband will come back and spend the Friday evening and the weekend with her.
And then they are going to kind of separate back into the separated family kind of life mode in the rest of the work days.
And for the work days she only stays at home alone and doesn't really feel any sense of getting married or getting married already at all.
And then there are the missing parts of the normal couple experiences like just day to day, after work, dinner together or walking out in the park, coming home together to buy grocery and cook.
She says we don't really have that.
It's only in imagination.
She finished the post with this sentence.
Maybe the beauty comes from the distance.
We hardly argue and are still in the honeymoon phase.
But don't know each other that well.
So that's why she said, after a year of marriage, I still don't know my husband very well.
But you know, when it comes to these kind of questions, you still, you know, have space to get to know your other, your partner, after even married for like five or 10 years, because people change.
And that's another topic.
But according to this kind of relationship or marriage model, they are able to avoid this mundane friction of daily life.
For example, things like who are doing the laundry or who are doing the dishes today, who should fill in the toilet paper rolls?
You know things like that that couples often get into arguments day to day.
And that can be, you know quite, I don't know getting into your pressure a lot if you are repeating these kind of arguments day on day.
Yeah, the romance fades away, life is filled with trivial but also kind of tiring conversations.
The people who support this concept say that they value the quality of connection over the quantity of time.
They say that just because...
You're in the same room with the other person, that physical proximity.
It doesn't always equal a psychological presence.
And you can still feel further apart if you're standing in the same room next to each other.
Now, that's what the proponents say.
What do the opponents to this say?
Because I think it's easy to make arguments for, and I think it's equally easy, if not easier, to make arguments against.
I think the very title of the post we just read is a loud and clear kind of opponent in this dialogue, because I'm not familiar with my husband.
Yeah, yeah, there you go.
That's the reason again.
And even within the lines of that lady which is used as an example from, I think between her narration there's a mix of feelings.
On the one side, there is the, oh, we are still in the honeymoon phase.
We barely argue.
We're in so much tranquility and peace.
And then on the other side, Yeah, we're always hoping for a Friday gathering.
So you see, people are so complex in that sense, especially when it comes to personal intimacy with your partner.
And also when it comes to, you know, she said that we heartily argue.
And I think that can be problematic when it comes to what the functions of these small fights, these frictions, do to your relationships.
It's not necessarily mean that if you get into a fight it's a bad thing, for your relationship is also a way of getting to know each other and getting along as well.
And if you don't go through this phase of, you know, fighting with each other, arguing about small things like who is doing laundry tonight.
That's the second time you've mentioned that.
It tells you a secret about my marriage.
Sounds like there's some dirty socks somewhere in Beijing.
Send this episode to your husband.
And that's how, you know, I think that's also a bonding experience for couples as well.
Yeah, I agree with what you said before about we're not really talking about the living in different cities couples here.
The one that kind of surprises me the most are the couples that live within the same city.
They could live right down the street from each other.
Well, heck, they could live in the same building, but they're in different apartments.
This is the group that I find surprising.
Now what this group says is we are removing the friction from the relationship if there's friction about their living habits.
So, for example, if the wife was frustrated that the husband never picks up his socks, or if the husband was frustrated that the wife never puts the cap on the, I think it's better if you have your own space, and I have my own space.
We can put our two apartments right next to each other.
Where you can keep your dirty socks on the floor.
Yeah, as you like.
Yes.
And your toothpaste cap.
Well, who knows where that is?
It's your choice.
It's your lifestyle.
This is their defense.
Now, obviously, this is quite the luxury.
If you're paying rent, you're paying double.
You're paying double the utilities.
You're paying double the internet costs.
You're paying double for everything, as a matter of fact.
You see, the very idea you just said, Steve paying double rather than sharing as a whole is the fact that indicates that young people nowadays, especially now that we're talking about the Chinese case, we're growing into this knowledge that prioritizing the self is helpful, it's achievable and it's acceptable.
The way that we're demonstrating this
And also, I think, as time goes by, there's the shifting of how people look at mortgage and about sharing a house.
That concept is also changing as well because the traditional anchors like a 30-year mortgage or a shared family home, they're losing appeal.
They're losing their status as the ultimate goal for young couples nowadays.
So really, we're not seeking for security.
Or anything of like an ownership of a house or the permanence of our love, our life or our home.
But really we're moving on to the more liquid side of relationship nowadays in the ongoing mutual desire of yeah, we're still together, but we just want to respect each other's room a bit more.
So you are sort of in the phase of, I mean, the stage of we are together, but not really together.
Yep.
No, it's like we're together, but we can choose if we want to stick to each other all the time or not.
And that is for me, at least I'm no young person at all.
Sounds like a very easy to walk out.
You know, if you have been living in two different apartments, you are sort of in a relationship.
But that cut the results.
Coming out of this kind of having your own space relationship is one part, can leave this relationship without any stress, without any burdens yeah, but that would be the insecurity that would not be able to exist within a relationship like that.
In a relationship like like that, you'd have to be completely secure in the strength and trust of your partner and your relationship.
If both people are on board, that can exist.
If both people are not on board, that would be almost impossible to exist.
So my answer to this is whatever.
And what I mean is like, if it works for you, Do it.
Yeah.
But but you got to make sure both people are 100 percent on board.
Otherwise, that is a disaster waiting to happen.
Now up next on Roundtable.
Would you give up your lunch break if it meant you could go home earlier?
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You're listening to Roundtable.
I'm Steve today with Yushan and Feifei.
Oh, the internet is buzzing.
A recent discussion on Weibo has sparked widespread debate.
Would you be willing to give up your lunch break? if it meant leaving work earlier.
The topic, on the day that it was posted, it climbed the trending charts.
That day, it reached 3.577 million views and it generated over 800 real-time discussions.
And the camps... are sharply divided.
How are people feeling about that question?
The one side that I will definitely root for is to save the lunch break so that I can go back home sooner.
So that means that a long lunch break often leads to wasted time at the office, and with that half an hour to one hour I can do so much more things.
So instead we suggest compressing the rest time and working straight through the day and finishing earlier.
So the benefits, there are so many benefits.
Avoid rush hour traffic if you're driving on and off to work and gaining more personal time in the evening.
Of course, that sounds so good for young people nowadays.
And some even shared real life examples.
Just one netizen noted that their company only allows a 30 minute lunch break.
And that's already enabling employees to leave as early as 4 p.m.
Just listen to that.
Other people are saying, I never take naps, so I'd be willing.
Another person said, sure, I'm willing.
We don't have a lunch break and I get off at 4 p.m.
There's another company that leaves at 4 p.m.
But that person said they're in sales.
So that might be a little bit of a different position anyway.
Another person said, oh, yeah, then I could get off at 3 p.m.
And that would be amazing.
On the other side of this argument is I definitely need this one hour break time between work in the middle of the day.
And that also comes with a lot of reasons.
It's one hour that I treasure every day is an hour of freedom that I can do anything that I want.
I can take a nap, you know, a much needed nap, which is common especially in, I think, in people in Shanxi or Shanxi area.
I think their lunch break is even longer than an hour.
Some of them can take up to two hours of lunch break and taking a very comfortable nap.
Now, there's a third group that says, let's think about this some more.
How about this as a flexible solution?
Let's trade the lunch break for a later start in the morning.
So you take away the lunch break.
Instead of coming to work at maybe 9 am, you come in at 10 am, for example.
That's micro-shifting, I think, that we've covered previously.
Me, myself, I'm a firm believer of that, by the way.
Oh, but micro-shifting means you can leave the company and then come back to work multiple times a day.
Yeah.
But at the same time you know that's why that I'm not really rooting for leaving.
You know trade the break time for freedom.
You wouldn't do this?
Yeah, because even if you get off at three or four in the afternoon and, for example, your clients are still working after that hour.
Are you going to respond to your client's messages after 3 p.m.?
You can't tell them, sorry.
I don't have any clients. saying out there, your partners at work or whatever.
It really depends on which industry we're talking about.
That's true.
So you can't say, sorry, I'm at work at 3 p.m., so maybe contact me tomorrow.
You can't really do that.
I see.
So it wouldn't be beneficial for every industry.
Yes.
Yeah.
And also the law kind of stipulates things quite strictly.
Lunch break is mandatory.
Yeah.
Yeah really, under current Chinese labor law, there is actually no clear rule specifying whether lunch break must be included in working hours.
Oh, it's not mandatory.
Yeah, in practice, employers, they are expected to clarify this in contracts.
So, based on company policies, it depends kind of necessary that you tell your employee if there is one or should be one or not.
But how to use it is kind of up to the individuals right, and also up to the industries as well.
Like, if I think one of the comments that if you're working in sales It will be very difficult to set just half or one hour out, specifically fixated every day, that this is the lunch break and you don't need to do any of the work.
You can just walk away.
Or if, for example, for us working in the media or the news, you can't say something, something major breakout, and you can't say sorry, I'm in my lunch break.
So an earthquake happening is not my business.
So I think it really depending on the industries, but for other industries, for example, they can be more flexible when it comes to how long and when they can take a lunch break.
Some of them can even take a two hour lunch break.
Well, you couldn't because of all your clients.
At the end of the day, it sounds like how we can arrange our work time more wisely.
Yes.
This is where I enter the conversation.
Cool.
A fourth suggestion, if I may.
Go home whenever you want.
Come whenever you want.
You have your work responsibilities.
They are clearly defined and you know what they are.
I will leave it up to you as the boss of company XYZ to take care of those responsibilities.
If you don't, we're going to have a problem.
But as long as you do your job, I don't care when you come into the office and I don't care when you go home.
How about that?
Steve, can you be my boss?
You should be the boss.
Steve sounds like a one-person company.
I can't.
I go home at 3 p.m.
I'll be out of the office most of the day.
By the way, my suggestion is terrible.
That would never work.
People are not responsible enough to take care of that kind of schedule.
That's true.
All right.
Well, we'll leave it there.
That was a fun one for today for Roundtable.
Thanks for sharing your time with us.
I'm Steve for Feifei and Yishan.
We bid you adieu and ask you to come back next time.
