What if the way that we talk about happiness, or our path to happiness is all wrong?
It's probably pretty important to get it right, don't you think, since happiness is connected to everything our relationships, our work, our families, our health and this is exactly why i've been obsessed with this book by Dr Rangan Chatterjee, called Happy Mind, Happy Life.
And it's not just me.
Inside my Confident Women community, our English Book Club has been reading this book.
And one of our members said, this book gave me peace and relief in a time of chaos.
She's right.
It's been life-changing for me and many women in my community.
And it's not just because it's a practical guide toward happiness.
It's also about what matters.
I mean, yes, of course, you can have small talk conversations in English like, how was your weekend?
Or how's the weather been lately?
But what about the conversations that actually matter to you?
The ones where you want to talk about how you really feel, or where you may want to share what's challenging, perhaps admit what you've been struggling with.
It's about those moments when you want to connect on a deeper level and actually feel like yourself.
In English.
That's where happiness vocabulary becomes essential.
Because if you don't have the words to talk about your emotions, your relationships, your well-being in conversations, you're left just nodding along and staying quiet while everyone else connects.
Discussing this book has been an incredible way to practice that kind of real English, the language we actually use when talking about our lives, our emotions, our relationships.
And that's exactly why I want to share this with you today.
Even if you haven't read the book or you've never heard of Dr Chatterjee before, today's lesson will introduce you to the core concepts through one of his podcast episodes.
In fact, I recommend listening to it after discovering the vocabulary in this lesson today, and I'll share a link in the episode notes below
And here's why I'm focusing on this.
So that when you need to talk about your life or your happiness in English with friends, colleagues or people you care about, you have the vocabulary and the confidence to do it in English.
So the podcast episode that we're using features Dr Chatterjee in a conversation with Dr Lori Santos, a Yale professor who researches the science of wellbeing.
Together, they unpack something surprising, that our intuition about happiness is often wrong.
Now, before we dive in, let me be clear about the goal for today's lesson.
I'm going to introduce you to 16 advanced phrases from this podcast conversation, but my goal is not for you to memorize all of them.
That would be overwhelming and honestly not very useful.
Instead, here's what I want you to do.
As we go through these phrases, I want you to identify four or five that really connect with you, really resonate with you, words that you can imagine yourself using, phrases that capture ideas that you've wanted to express in English.
When you find one, write it down.
Include the definition and an example sentence.
Those are the phrases to focus on and start using this week.
And now, one more important thing before we start.
This vocabulary is not just a bunch of feel-good phrases.
This is the language you need when you're talking to colleagues about work-life balance, stress or burnout.
It's what you use when you're discussing your goals or challenges with a mentor, a manager, or even in a performance review.
It's also the language you use when having real conversations with friends about what's going on in your life, not just small talk.
It's also the language you need if you're reading self-help books, listening to podcasts or watching TED Talks in English.
These phrases help you participate in the kinds of conversations that people are having right now, not just in English-speaking countries, but around the world.
So we're going to explore these phrases in four key categories.
First, why social connection matters, even with strangers.
Second, how technology may be costing you more happiness than you already think.
Third, what happy people do differently.
And finally, how to return to your natural state of happiness.
So let's start with the most powerful and honestly, for me, one of the most surprising parts of the episode the importance of social connection.
Now, I know that seems obvious.
Of course, it's important to spend time with the people we care about.
But what Dr Santos and Dr Chatterjee explain is that social connection isn't just nice to have, it's essential to our happiness.
In fact, it's a universal need, and that's our first phrase, our core word universal.
When something is universal, it applies to everyone, no matter where you live, who you are or what your personality is like.
In the episode, dr santos says that social connection is a universal need.
We all need it for happiness.
Now here's another example of how you could use that.
Good sleep habits are universal requirements for mental and physical health.
Next is social connection.
This is a word that comes up a lot in this podcast episode.
Social connection means the bonds, the relationships that we form with others.
And here's what's important to understand.
They don't have to be deep or super emotional.
Social connection can happen in the quick hello that you say to your neighbor, the smile that you give to a barista at the coffee shop or even a short conversation with a stranger.
Research shows that strong social connections can actually extend your lifespan.
Now, here's another example of how you might use that.
After moving to a new city, Maria struggled with loneliness until she started building social connections at her gym.
Our third phrase here is to maximize.
To maximize means to increase something as much as possible, to boost it to the highest level.
And here's the surprising part, at least for me.
Most of us, particularly introverts, think that we'll be happier when we stay quiet or enjoy time alone.
But if we truly want to maximize our happiness, we often have to do the opposite of what we think we want.
Now, before we move on, I want to give you another example sentence of how to use that word maximize.
Sheila decided to maximize her productivity by turning off her phone during work hours.
And now let's look at the phrase split second.
A split second is a tiny moment, so brief you can barely measure it.
It's like a heartbeat of a moment.
In the podcast episode, Dr Santos explains that the things we chase, like money, promotions or the perfect vacation, really only make us happy for a split second, and then the feeling kind of fades away.
Have you ever experienced that?
I've definitely had that split second happiness that just doesn't last very long.
Now here's another example of how you could use that.
Buying the new iPhone was exciting for a split second, and then I just worried that maybe it wasn't really worth it.
Now, our next phrase is on the flip side.
On the flip side means in contrast or looking at the opposite perspective.
It's similar to saying on the other hand, and we use this to introduce a contrasting idea.
So yes, money and success give us brief happiness.
On the flip side, the habits that create lasting happiness often seem too small to matter.
Now, let's take a look at an example of how to use that.
And for this I want you to imagine that a friend of yours is exploring the possibility of a new job.
And in the conversation she says the job requires some long hours but on the flip side it offers excellent benefits.
All right, we've got two more words in this particular section, and the next one is solitude.
Solitude means being alone in a peaceful or intentional way.
It's not about loneliness, but it's about choosing quiet time.
I don't know about you, but I definitely crave solitude.
And it's not a bad thing.
Writers and introverts often love it.
Like in this sentence.
After a busy week, David craved a weekend of solitude in the mountains.
But the key message in this podcast is that solitude isn't always what we need to feel happier, especially if it means disconnecting from others too much.
And finally, our last phrase for this section is weak ties.
This is one of my favorites from the podcast.
Weak ties are casual connections, conversations and connections with people you don't know well but you still interact with regularly, like a barista at a coffee shop you go to every morning, or the neighbor that you wave to across the street, the woman who you chat with while you're checking out with your groceries.
Research shows that even these weak ties matter for happiness.
And here's how you could use it in a sentence.
Your weak ties can be surprisingly helpful when you're looking for a new job.
Now, before we move on to the next section, I want to pause for a moment and ask where would you actually use these phrases in your real life?
Let me give you an example scenario.
Imagine you're having a conversation with a colleague about remote work policies.
Your company is debating whether to require more days back in the office.
In the conversation you could say And I know this is a universal challenge for companies right now
And while remote work offers flexibility, we might be losing important social connections, even those weak ties with people we don't work with directly.
See how naturally those phrases fit together when you're discussing work-life balance or company culture.
And now here's another scenario.
This time, imagine you're talking with a friend who's been feeling a bit isolated.
In that conversation you might say I think social connection is a universal need, even for introverts.
Maybe you don't really need deep friendships right now, because sometimes it's the weak ties that help.
Even small interactions can maximize your sense of belonging.
Okay, now those are the seven phrases that we have for this section on social connection.
As you were listening, did one or two of those stand out to you?
Maybe you've been craving more solitude lately, or maybe you realize you have weak ties that you've been ignoring.
I want you to take a moment to identify the words that resonated with you the most.
Write them down and include an example sentence of your own.
Now, before we move on to the cost of technology, I want to focus on this key element of happiness how powerful social connection really is.
In fact, it's one of the reasons I created the Confident Women Community.
If you've been learning English on your own watching videos like this, listening to podcasts or studying from a textbook, you're definitely taking important steps in your English goals.
But it might also feel lonely.
And it's really difficult to know what you're getting right or if you're making progress.
That's exactly why, inside the Confident Women community, you get real conversation practice with women from around the world, women like you who are serious about improving their English and ready to build confidence in a way that is fun and supportive.
We meet regularly for live workshops, small group discussions, our book club, podcast club and more.
And it's not just about grammar or vocabulary.
It's about real conversations.
It's about finally feeling like yourself in English.
Whether you're preparing for a big presentation at work, planning your next international trip or just wanting to feel more comfortable speaking with others in English, the Confident Women community gives you the space to practice, the structure to stay consistent and the encouragement to keep going.
So if that sounds like what you've been missing, I'd love to invite you to learn more.
And you'll find a link with all the details in the episode notes below.
And now let's talk about something that might be stealing your happiness without you even realizing it.
Now, I'm sure this won't surprise you, but what might be stealing your happiness more than you realize is your phone.
I think most of us know this to be true.
And in the podcast episode, Dr. Santos explains that technology comes with a hidden cost.
And I'm not just talking about the time that we spend on it.
I'm talking about what we're giving up because of it.
And this leads me to our first phrase here, opportunity cost.
Opportunity cost is a phrase from economics that we use in everyday English.
It means what you give up when you make a choice.
When you choose one thing, what are you not choosing?
As a result, every moment we spend scrolling is a moment we could have spent connecting with someone or doing something meaningful, and that's the hidden cost.
Here's another example of how to use it.
The opportunity cost of working overtime is missing your child's soccer game.
And now let's take a look at the next phrase in this section startup cost.
In business, startup costs means the money that it takes to begin a new project, but Dr Santos uses it to describe the emotional effort and even awkwardness that it takes to begin something new, like talking to a stranger in English.
Yes, starting a conversation might feel uncomfortable at first, But usually, once you get past that first moment, it starts to feel easier.
Here's another way to think about it.
Learning a new language has a high startup cost, but the long-term benefits are huge.
And now our next word is insidious.
This is a powerful word.
If something is insidious, it causes harm gradually and quietly.
So you might not even notice it until it's already affected you.
The truth is, we don't notice how much harm technology causes, because the effects build slowly over time.
Now here's another example of how we can use that powerful word.
The insidious effects of social media often go unnoticed until our mental health suffers.
Now if, like me, you sometimes struggle with overusing technology, thankfully Dr Santos offers a very simple strategy for building awareness when it comes to our technology use.
She recommends that before you reach for your phone, ask yourself three questions.
What for?
Why now?
And what else?
In other words, what am I actually trying to do?
Why am I picking up my phone right now?
And is there something else I could do instead?
This isn't about never using your phone.
It's about being intentional instead of automatic.
So now again, let me ask you, where would you use some of these phrases in real life?
If you're not sure, I wanna give you an example.
Imagine you're in a team meeting and someone suggests implementing a new communication app for the team.
In that conversation, you might say, well, I think we need to consider the opportunity cost here.
If we're constantly checking another platform, what are we not doing?
Also, there's a startup cost.
It takes time and energy for everyone to learn a new system.
Or let's say a friend asks you why you're not as active on social media as you were before.
In the conversation you could explain, I realized there's an opportunity cost to spending so much of my time online.
And the effects were insidious.
I didn't notice how drained I felt until I started limiting my screen time.
So now we've just covered three terms related to technology and happiness.
I'm curious if any of those hit home for you.
Maybe you recognize the insidious nature of phone habits, or maybe the idea of opportunity cost made you think differently about how you spend your time.
With that in mind, I want to move on to the third section.
And in this particular part of the conversation in the podcast episode, Dr Santos shares something that might surprise you.
It turns out that happy people tend to focus more on others than themselves.
That sounds really simple, but there's some deep psychology behind it.
And here's the first phrase that I want to highlight to lead astray.
If something leads you astray, it means that it misguides you or it pushes you in the wrong direction, often without you realizing it.
In the episode dr santos says quote this is yet another spot where our minds lead us astray.
In other words, our intuition often tells us that doing something just for ourselves, like treating ourselves or only focusing on our goals, will make us happier, but that's not always true.
Now, before we go to the next word, i want to give you another example of how to use this core phrase.
In a conversation with someone, you might say don't let peer pressure lead you astray from your values.
So now, here in the podcast episode, dr santos talks about what do happy people do instead and here's where we encounter the word others oriented?
That means to spend time thinking about or helping other people, not just focusing on ourselves.
In the episode, Dr. Santos says, quote, happy people are disproportionately others oriented.
Or similarly we could say, her other oriented approach to leadership made her more approachable to her team.
And now here's where things get really interesting.
Dr Santos explains that when our minds start to wander, when we drift away from the present moment in a conversation, our happiness starts to drop.
And this brings us to the next phrase, mind wandering.
Mind wandering means letting your thoughts drift away from what's happening now, what's in front of you.
And it often leads to stress, overthinking, or worry.
She says in the episode quote when we're kind of mind wandering and thinking about the future and worrying about things and ruminating, that has a really negative hit on our happiness.
So now let's break this down.
If you're washing dishes, for example, but your mind is spinning about an email that you forgot to send or something that someone said to you earlier.
That's mind wandering.
Here's another example of how we can use it.
Meditation helps reduce mind wandering and brings more focus to the present moment.
Now, I don't know about you, but instead of staying present or doing something kind for someone else, it's easy to fall into mental loops, worrying about the future, replaying past mistakes.
This is where our next phrase comes in pursuit.
A pursuit is something that you're actively working toward like a goal or a dream, and dr santos says that happy people tend to be more focused on helping others than doing selfish pursuits or engaging in selfish pursuits.
In other words, happy people aren't just chasing personal success or pleasure.
They're also looking for ways to contribute or connect with others.
Here's another example of how you can use this word.
The pursuit of an art career can be demanding but also deeply fulfilling.
So if you've ever felt stuck in your own head or like something's missing, even when things seem fine on the outside, this may be the shift that you need.
Helping others, volunteering, being generous with your time.
These can all be powerful ways to boost your own happiness.
So if you've felt stuck in your own head, like something's missing, even when everything seems fine on the outside, this may be the mental shift that you need.
Helping others, volunteering, being generous with your time.
These can all be powerful ways to boost your own happiness.
With that in mind, i want to get us ready for the next section, and i want to ask you this question what if you could train your mind to be happier without adding anything new to your life?
That's exactly what we're going to explore next.
All right, so far, we've talked about the importance of social connection, the hidden cost of technology and how helping others can boost happiness.
But in this final part of the podcast episode, Dr Santos shares something I thought was particularly powerful.
Happiness isn't always something that we have to chase.
It's actually part of our natural state.
It's part of who we naturally are.
And the right habits can help us return to that natural state.
So with that in mind, let's focus on our first phrase here, to turn the ship around.
This is an idiom in English.
That means to reverse a negative situation or make a big change in direction, especially after things have been going badly for a while.
Small happiness practices are not about becoming someone new or someone else.
They're about coming back to who you were before stress, overthinking, and distraction took over.
And now our next word is to ruminate.
Now I have to tell you, I love the sound of this word.
I don't know why.
I just think it's a fun word to say, but it doesn't have the most positive meaning.
To ruminate means to think deeply and repeatedly, usually in a negative way, about something that's really bothering you.
It's when your mind won't let go of a mistake. an argument or a stressful situation.
Dr. Santos explains that ruminating has a really negative effect on our happiness.
And here's another example of how we can use it.
Instead of ruminating on her failed interview, Lila focused on preparing better for the next one.
And that brings me to our final phrase, to put the work in.
This means to invest real time, real effort into something, especially when the results don't happen right away.
You have to be patient and consistent.
Feeling better or feeling happier doesn't happen instantly.
But if you're willing to put in the effort even a little bit every day, the benefits can be long lasting.
Let me give you an example.
If you want to improve your public speaking skills, you need to put work in through regular practice.
And now let's talk about where you would use these phrases in your real life.
Here I want you to imagine that you're talking with a mentor about a career setback.
And in the conversation, you might say, I know I need to turn this ship around, but honestly, I keep ruminating about what went wrong instead of focusing on next steps.
I know I need to put work in to rebuild, but it's really hard to know where to start.
Or let's say a friend asks you how therapy's been going.
In the conversation, you could say, it's really helping me turn the ship around.
I'm learning to catch myself when I start ruminating about past mistakes.
And my therapist reminds me that real change requires putting work in consistently, not just having one breakthrough moment.
When it comes to that idea.
The same is true for your English, your wellbeing or anything that you care about.
If it matters to you, it's worth putting the work in.
So now, if you've ever felt frustrated or unsure of how to express your real thoughts about happiness and challenges in English, I hope this lesson gave you the vocabulary you need to do it.
We've covered 16 advanced level phrases today across four key areas social connections, the cost of technology, the need to focus on others and getting back to our natural state.
But I want to remind you, you don't have to learn all of this vocabulary today.
Instead, I recommend choosing the four or five that really resonated with you.
The ones that you wrote down, the ones that captured something that you've been wanting to say.
Those are the phrases I want you to try to use in conversations this week so that they stick in your memory.
Whether you're chatting with friends, reflecting in a writing journal or sharing your thoughts in a meeting, these phrases will help you express ideas about the emotions, mindset and personal growth that you're experiencing, and do it with confidence, in English.
Now, if you want more lessons just like this, where we break down real conversations and build your vocabulary for topics that matter, be sure to subscribe wherever you're listening or watching from today.
And if you're ready to go deeper with your English inside a community where you can grow, connect and practice speaking about these exact topics, I invite you to join us inside the Confident Women community.
It's where we host our monthly podcast club and book club and where we practice real natural English in an environment that is fun and safe.
We also provide structure to help you keep making progress in your English.
Again.
You can learn more at speakconfidentenglishcom slash community and I'll leave a link in the episode notes below.
Thank you so much for joining me today, and I look forward to seeing you next time.
