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Hey everyone, it's Eve.
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Hi, I'm Sam. Welcome back to Radio Headspace and to Wednesday.
So if you're a parent of a teen or a teen yourself, you may relate to a general feeling of disconnection.
It's just hard sometimes to relate to each other's feelings and experiences with such a big age and experience gap.
It's helpful to think of the teenage brain as being under construction.
It may take longer for teens to formulate a response to simple questions like how are you feeling or how was school today?
Over the last month, I've been spending more time than usual with my stepdaughter.
She's 13 years old and in the throes of adolescence, complete with blase shrugs and a hesitancy to talk about anything related to feelings.
So after being in Sweden for a month, when my husband and I were preparing to go back to Los Angeles, I could feel the tension among all of us.
We all wanted to address the elephant in the room, my stepdaughter going back to her routine with her mom in Sweden and my husband and I transitioning back to LA life.
It'd be a while before we'd see each other again.
And I, of course, wanted us all to talk about it with openness and vulnerability.
I decided to focus on helping her learn about how feelings and needs interact.
So I first asked her if we could try to figure out exactly what she was feeling since she couldn't find the words to describe it.
I tried words like frustrated, sad, disappointed, angry, but each attempt was met with a shake of her head.
Then I looked at her closely and I thought about what her life has been like lately, switching households with different norms and expectations and having little choice in the matter.
One word came to mind from the non -violent communication needs list that I've used with clients and studied over the years.
The word was autonomy, the extent of our freedom of choice in our lives.
And I asked her if she felt like she had enough autonomy over how things were going in her life.
She shook her head no.
Do you wish you had more?
She nodded. We talked about ways that she could have more choice over certain aspects of her life, like pursuing hobbies she was interested in, spending more time with friends, and being able to retreat into her own world of music and social media if she wanted to.
Naming our emotions activates our prefrontal cortex or PFC, our brain's decision maker, which encourages emotional flexibility, giving us the ability to stay resilient and think critically, like figuring out what we're needing.
You can use the list of feelings and needs made available by the Nonviolent Communication or NVC organization.
You can even pick a pleasant feeling of the day and reflect on moments that elicit that feeling for you.
This way, you'll be more inspired to do more of what makes you feel good, and remember to celebrate the small victories in communication, even if it's just learning a little bit more about yourself and those you care about.
And just so you know, my friend and fellow Headspace teacher Keisanga has a great communicating with care meditation in the Headspace app.
May your communication be as loving and as smooth as possible.
Take good care, and I'll see you back here soon.
