Hi, I'm AJ Hogue, the author of Effortless English.
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We guarantee. our courses I guarantee all of my courses Today's another walk and talk.
Actually, it's more of a stand and talk and maybe a sit and talk. because it's hot, hot, hot.
It's rather hot. August summer day here in Indiana.
Very humid. And it's... late morning almost noon actually so getting into the hottest part of the day so it's just too hot for me to be walking around under the direct sun talking to you i'm i'm in the shade i'm over in our shed the tool shed that has like the lawn mowers and stuff Still hot, but at least I'm out of the direct sun.
Got a few topics to talk about today. First of all, I've chosen our new book for our book club.
And the book is called Hold On To Your Kids.
I mentioned it in an earlier podcast. I might have given the wrong title a little bit.
Hold on here. Let me give you the... It's...
Hold on to your kids. And there's two writers, Gordon Newfield, Newfeld, sorry, Gordon Newfeld. and Gabor Mate, who I mentioned before.
Hold on to your kids by Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Mate.
That's going to be our new book club. We're going to go through chapter by chapter and do it.
I'm going to do it here on the audio podcast instead of the video.
I think in my past book clubs, I've always done them on video, but right now audio is just easier for me to do.
And also I've noticed anyway that for the book clubs, it depends on the book, you know, not every book. everyone's not interested in every book.
So by doing it with audio, it's easier to skip over if you're not interested in the book.
Uh, but, uh, Hopefully you will because it's really a superb, excellent book.
I just finished rereading it. I think it's great for anyone who has children, if you have children, if you're a parent, if you think you might become a parent in the future.
Or if you have already raised your kids and maybe now you're a grandparent or looking to become a grandparent.
The ideas in the book are still Excellent.
And actually, many of the ideas in the book are also great even for teachers, if you teach children. or if you work with children in any kind of... as part of your church, as part of your job, as a teacher, as a coach.
So the ideas can be useful. for anyone in dealing with children, but especially family, parents and grandparents.
This book has influenced me tremendously in a very positive way and helped me as a father a great deal.
I'd read it back in the... I'd read it before, I don't know, years before.
Actually, before my kids were even born, and I think I re-read it shortly after they were born.
And then, you know, that was six years ago, six and a half years ago.
So then I hadn't I think the ideas were in there, a lot of the main ideas.
But just recently, I decided to reread it, to read it again.
And I'm glad I did because I was reminded of a lot of great things.
And, you know, with kids, you know, they go through different stages and each...
Each stage can be very different. So a six-year-old is quite different than a baby.
And then, of course, they become 13, and then they can have big changes then, and when they're 15, 16, 17, 18, big changes again.
So it's helpful to... reread this book or other books.
And just to remind yourself of your priorities and what's important to you as a parent and what your values are.
And also think about your child, because their needs change as they get older and go through different stages, but certain needs never change.
And we can forget that. And that's one of the points that we'll be reading about in the book. is that Hold On to Your Kids is really about the point of the book, the central point of the book, is about how to keep your family really strong and connected at all ages, including when they become adults. so that when your kids are adults, they're still strongly connected to you. parents and to their brothers and sisters.
And then, of course, then grandkids come along, hopefully, and then So this is really about maintaining and building strong families and doing it in a global culture now that is anti-family and that is the first part of the book discusses all the ways in which our culture and societies around the world are now attacking the families and making it very hard to keep your family close and keep your children strongly connected and attached to you and, to keep good, strong families.
It's not an accident that so many people have trouble with that.
Things are much different now than they were 100 years ago, let's say. even 70 years ago.
So the first part of the book talks a lot about what has happened to our culture and our families. have made it so much harder for families to be strong and connected and stay together.
And then the second part of the book, Talks about what you can do to still have a strong, connected family.
Have your children still. Of course, not only love, but strong connection, good, strong families, and all the great happiness and goodness that that will bring. and how to do it in this worldwide culture that makes it very tough.
So I like that. It doesn't just talk about the problem.
It talks about really great solutions as well that my wife and I are following.
And so far, getting great results with it.
I'm very happy. I think this is important because family is the center, the foundation of all of civilization. of all of society.
Not government. Not schools, not anything else.
It's family. So that'll be our book club.
But that's not our main topic today. Our main topic today is really about...
Getting older, it's a topic that's personal to me.
But the truth is, you are getting older.
You are getting older. You know, I always laugh because sometimes I get comments on YouTube or usually it's YouTube, occasionally in person or some. one of my students or members will say, oh, goodness, AJ, you're getting older.
And I always laugh in my... My kind of half-serious, half-joking answer is, so are you, you're getting older.
Because obviously... We're all getting older.
Everyone is getting older. Everyone ages.
It's just that people, if a 20 year old doesn't feel it, or someone who's 25, they don't feel it yet, they're not noticing that they're getting older yet, They don't have maybe so many physical signs of getting older, wrinkles or on their skin or whatever, right?
But of course, they're getting older too.
Everyone gets older. Every year, you're a year older.
You are aging. It doesn't matter how old you are right now, you're aging.
And as long as you stay alive, you will continue to get older.
And there's kind of a ridiculous idea in our culture that comes through the media.
That somehow, you know, youth is the best and, you know, it's a sad thing to get older.
But the reason, why do we have this mentality now?
Why is this a very common mindset, that getting older is a tragic and sad thing?
There's a couple of reasons. The main reason is we live in a materialistic global society and culture.
And so if material, if things, physical things are the focus, If people, if the cultures and people believe that, then yeah, because physically your body stops getting better, in general, somewhere, I don't know, somewhere in your 20s, maybe your 30s. and it starts to slowly age.
Now, there can be exceptions. Some people who are not healthy when they're young, change and get healthier as they get older.
But in general, we know that there's a process of aging.
And so if you... you or someone, if people think only materialistic, only in terms of the body, then yeah, it can be seen as it's just completely sad and tragic if your body does get weaker. until you die, or at least less beautiful, right? very materialistic mindset.
Your spiritual mindset, which was the normal mindset for people to have for thousands and thousands of years of recorded history up until very recently.
Well then, age. And people who are older are respected and valued for their wisdom and their greater experience. and hopefully their greater spiritual focus as they get older.
So this question of aging, how to age well, getting older, is a question for everybody.
It's a topic for everyone. And in fact, I believe that it's especially important for people who are young right now.
Because when you're 60, You can't ignore it.
It's very difficult to pretend like you're not getting older.
You're kind of forced to deal with it at some level.
A lot of people try to still avoid it. But life will kind of make you focus on it and realize it.
When you're 22, it's very easy to pretend and to think that Oh, I'm not getting older.
Oh, that's so far away. I don't need to think about that.
And to have a very, very, very short-term... where you feel and you think that you'll be young forever.
Death is just some faraway thing and you can just pretend it doesn't exist.
But it does. It does. And you'll find that it will come sooner than you think.
And you don't want to waste your youth. on stupid stuff, doing stupid things. having a foolish mindset, because what that does is it can create huge problems for you when you get older.
You have to pay the price, the consequences, karma, as we say.
Can't we escape? So you don't want that.
So I think that the time to think about aging is when you're young and to understand when you're in your 20s.
You know, life ends. Think about death and realize it.
You know, if you, sadly, you know, some people do, they're forced to deal with it when they're young because maybe people close to them die when they're young and then they realize it and they do realize it. early but some people don't it's important to realize it because again you want to figure out your mission and your purpose or missions in life and the meaning of life for you.
So you don't waste your 20s and 30s just following what everybody else is doing. getting to 40 or 45 and suddenly having what people call a midlife crisis.
A midlife crisis is just people who suddenly Wake up and realize, oh my God, I wasted my whole youth.
What was I doing? I lived a life that I didn't even want to live. that had no meaning or purpose.
And then they go out, and if they still have a materialistic mindset, that's when they go out and they They realize, I'm getting older, oh my God.
And they sometimes, in America at least, people will go out and they'll try to be teenagers again.
Teenagers with money. That's when they go out and they buy the Ferraris and they divorce their their wife or husband and get someone younger or just go party or they they try to pretend like I try to hold on to that youth for a few more years and And sometimes kind of destroy their own lives and wreck their families and do all kinds of crazy, stupid stuff for nothing because they're still getting older.
Can't go backwards. So it's important to figure these things out as early as you can, at least to be thinking about them.
But let's just talk about a few things, a few really simple things. some of which are kind of just physical and basic and material, not even getting super deep.
You know, I visited with my dad. He's 81, almost 82 years old. and he got to see my kids finally because we'd been in Japan and he couldn't travel there.
So he finally got to see them, and we had a great visit with him.
He came up here, and it was really nice.
But he's 81. He was using a cane. He really, in the years since I last saw him, physically is not doing great.
And it was a little bit of a shock to me and kind of sad and also just kind of like a warning to me.
Like, oh my God, I don't want to end up like that.
I don't want to end up like that. Not at the age of 81, certainly.
And then I talked to my friend Kristen. Some of you guys may know Kristen.
Kristen and Joe from Learn Real English, who are now retired from teaching English.
She was telling me about her parents, and they're physically and actually mentally, even, one of her parents, in really bad shape.
They're in their 70s and 80s. No, they're in their 80s too, and they're just doing not well.
And she told me about Joe and Joe's parents.
Same thing, like his father just passed away.
His mother's in terrible shape. She can barely walk.
She's so overweight and in such bad physical shape.
And she sits around all day. and just watches TV.
And that's what Kristen's parents, she said, they do the same thing.
At least one of her parents just kind of sits around all day watching TV.
We know how terrible TV is. So this is One Direction.
That's one way of aging that is frightening.
But it doesn't just happen from nothing, right? how you will be in your 70s and 80s, physically and mentally and emotionally and spiritually. is usually created, the seeds of that start when you're much younger.
Now the good thing is you can turn things around quite a lot, but it gets harder as you get older.
I've read a lot of stories about people who have stayed very strong and active and happy and healthy and engaged and learning and still living well. you know, right through their 80s, into their middle 80s and beyond.
I've read lots and lots of stories. I'm just fascinated by these things.
You know, a lot of it's for me personally.
I just, you know, I want to know what's the secret.
I want to copy those people. I want to learn from those people. to people that age well.
And that's all we can do. We can't control things, you know?
It is possible you can do everything right, eat super healthy, exercise like crazy, and then just, who knows, for some reason, bad luck, karma, whatever, something could still happen to you and you might not live really long.
OK, things can still happen. We know that.
But we've got to do our best, right? It's just like investing in stocks.
You would research and you would choose the very best stock possible, the best company, the strongest company with the best history.
There's no complete, you never have a complete guarantee in life of what's going to happen, but we can certainly see there are patterns, right?
Certain people, certain kinds of life and lifestyles, those people age very well and do much, much, much, much better as they get older.
In their 40s, their 50s, their 60s, their 70s, their 80s, and even some get into their 90s.
And we see that there are others who do not do well. and have, let's be honest, they have miserable, terribly unhappy, meaningless, lonely boring lives.
And what's sad is, you know, people who age badly, you know, For me, it's not just the ones who die early that are the most sad.
The most sad are ones who actually live fairly long. but they're miserably unhappy during that time.
So starting in their, let's say, I don't know, 60s even, or even sometimes earlier, They have all these physical complaints and pains.
They're lonely. They're bored. They have no meaning in their life, and yet they live into their 60s and their 70s and their 80s.
They have 10, 20, 30 or more years when they're miserable, terribly unhappy.
That's a tragedy. That's a tragedy. That's what we want to avoid.
But then there are others who seem to get happier and more alive and have more meaning, more purpose, more love, more peace in their lives and their mind and their hearts and their spirit as they get older.
And while they may, in fact they do, They're not quite as physically tough and strong as they get older, but they still have a good quality of life and internally Mentally, emotionally, spiritually, they actually get better and better and better.
And I think that's probably what we all want, right?
So what are the patterns? That's why I read all these stories and interviews with people who do age very, very, very well.
And why I also am interested in people who age really, really badly.
And I'm not trying to attack them. I feel very sorry for them.
I feel great compassion for them and sadness for them because It is tragic.
So let's talk about some of the things that lead to One path or the other.
First of all, there is a point. From what I've read, this is just based on a lot of interviews I've read, A lot of people do turn around their lives.
They change their lives in a positive way.
This would be the positive midlife crisis, okay?
Not the materialistic one. The materialistic one goes nowhere.
But there can be a positive midlife crisis.
And that's when people hit their 40s or their 50s.
And let's say they're kind of fat. They're not living. a very healthy life, they're not so happy, maybe they don't like their work, and they just have this, they wake up and they kind of realize, man,
My life is going a really bad direction.
If I don't do something, I'm going to be miserable for the rest of my life.
I might live another... 30 or 40 years and be absolutely miserable and unhappy.
I've got to change now. I'm going to turn it around now.
A good number of people who do that. Like I read the story of this guy, Len Schwartz.
I've discussed him. I'm going to talk more about him and his exercise program.
He was in his middle 50s, 56, 57, like right around my age.
He'd gotten fat and overweight. He was working a high-stress job. starting to have all these physical pains and problems.
And he just woke up. He was like, oh my God, if I don't do something right now, I'm going to.
It's going to be very hard to change this, and I'm going to be miserable the rest of my life.
And so he focused on exercise, and he Started doing an exercise called heavy hands, which he kind of developed.
He wrote a whole book about it, which is a great book.
Hard to find. It's out of print. I got a copy.
It's really good. And he turned his life around through exercise.
And not only that. but because he became so passionate about this system of exercise, which basically is walking with hand weights, like carrying fairly light, you can do heavier, hand weights, but instead of jogging, instead of cycling, you know, I talked about this before, those heavy hands.
I've been doing it. I'm going to tell you more about my experience because it's been great.
But anyway, he started doing heavy hands and he got in shape.
He lost all that extra fat on his gut. He got in great shape.
You can see pictures of him in his 80s. If you cover his face, his body looks like a 30-year-old body. nice muscles and lean, not fat.
He lived into his, I can't remember, 80-something, 83, 84, 85, something like that, 86.
And the important point, though, is that he was active and alive during that time and physically fit in really good physical shape.
And the other part about it was that he became so passionate about this exercise, As I said, he wrote a book about it.
He started a whole company selling the hand weights.
I think it was a nonprofit, just to do research on his exercise system.
And then he developed other forms of exercise. based on his ideas and did all these research studies and just really it became his mission. in life to research all the benefits and to teach people about this method of exercise. or this philosophy of exercise that changed his life.
So not only did he have that physical change, but he also developed this really passionate mission in life. to contribute and to help around this.
So he was very passionate and motivated about it too.
So he wasn't just sitting on his butt watching television.
And he did all that in his late 50s. He started that in his late 50s.
Turned his life around. And of course, there are people who start younger.
It's probably better to start younger, but start where you are.
But this hits on two of the main things.
Two of the main points for aging well. One of them being mission and purpose, which I have talked about so many times, and I will continue to talk about it. as much as I can, because without this, you're just living a materialistic life, and I promise you that becomes empty.
It can be fun for a while. Focusing on things.
Maybe if you make a lot of money, buy a bunch of stuff.
Super nice clothes, traveling around, staying in places.
It can be interesting and fun. Or if you're even younger, partying and all that.
But sooner or later, eventually, it starts to feel empty and pointless.
Without some kind of mission, purpose, a bit larger than yourself, life starts to feel empty.
I think this is a spiritual principle because I believe our purpose in life, the meaning of life, is indeed to serve and love with devotion.
First of all, God, and then other people, others.
And without that we feel totally empty. You've got to figure that out.
What is your purpose? What are your mission or missions?
You can have more than one. But it needs to be, again, more than yourself.
That's the key thing. It goes beyond yourself.
And when you have a mission that's of contribution... that's beyond yourself, you gain such amazing motivation, energy, enthusiasm, love, compassion, it makes you a better person, forces you to become a better person.
Without that, what are you doing? You're just trying to please yourself and your own, it's called sensory gratification. and Sanatana Dharma, a lot of people use that phrase, or Buddhist too.
But you're just basically just pursuing pleasure, you know?
Food, sex. pride money, and those things in the short term give you not really happiness, it's pleasure, a physical pleasure.
But in the long term, it becomes harder and harder to get the same pleasure, you need more and more and more and more.
Until finally, You just can't get pleasure from it anymore.
Finally, it's done. Again, I think this points to our spiritual nature, that ultimately we cannot be satisfied. with the material world, with material focus, with materialism, ultimately, we always become dissatisfied and eventually depressed and lonely when we're focused on that.
So that mission and purpose is so important.
It can be many things. If you're not comfortable with the big highest spiritual mission and purpose and meaning.
Just anything. You know, lynch words. For him, it was exercise.
That's not just exercise. He wanted to help other people be fit and happy. and healthier, especially older people, especially people maybe who were not so strong.
People who were in his situation. And he developed a system that anybody could use at any age.
And became... passionate about this. Enthusiastic.
This is one of the great benefits of family.
Family automatically gives you children, a wife or husband and children, automatically gives you an amazingly important deep purpose and meaning to of course, to raise those children, but even once they're adults, to build a strong and loving family.
So that continues even once you're a grandparent.
If you're lucky, a great grandparent. And that can bring such happiness and joy to you right now and as you get older too. interview with a guy named Carlito Fuente.
Excuse me. He's president of a cigar company.
I smoke cigars occasionally. And... He's president of the Arturo Fuente Cigar Company.
And I watched an interview with him. What a wonderful man.
Really beautiful guy. He talked about the history of the company, how it was started by his grandfather.
And then really it grew and developed with his father and then he took over and now it's become, I believe it's the number one cigar making company in the world now.
But anyway, what struck me about the interview was nothing about cigars.
It's the way he talked about his business as family, because it was a family business.
And he talked, he kind of even was almost crying several points in the interview, talking about how grateful he was that He got to spend his whole life with his father, working with his father, until his father was in his 80s, I think. late 80s, and starting from when he was a little kid, Carlito, the guy that they were interviewing,
He started and he would be in the factories and be there.
He talked about how his mom was involved with the business and uncles and aunts and cousins You know, like, all these family members were involved in the business, so the business kind of connected their family, and it was... something that bonded them and brought them together.
And because he ended up working in the business, Talked about how he got to first work under his father, as his father was the president.
And then as he got older, his father continued to help, but Carlito took over the business and became the president and the boss, but his father continued helping.
And he loved his father so much. And he said, oh, I got to see my dad every day and be with my father every day.
And he talked about just what. What a wonderful man his father was.
And it was just that. So he talks about how, you know, this for him, that company. and just making cigars.
It was not about the cigars, it was about the people and the family and the love for his, first of all, his family and especially his father and his mother who both worked in the company, but then also even just customers that he would meet And you could see it was just this deep feeling of gratitude and a feeling of contribution and mission.
I think now, when the interview was done, I think a year or two ago, he's like 72 or something.
You know, he's a guy who's aging well. I don't know how much he exercises or physically.
He looked OK. not in super shape or anything, but you can just tell mentally, emotionally, spiritually, strong, beautiful, Really wonderful.
See if you can find an interview with him.
I was quite surprised. Really, really. such a caring, loving guy, man.
But see there, you see the power of mission and contribution higher than just yourself.
I guess for him too, he talked about how because the company had grown, now they had like, I can't remember what he said, 4,000 or 8,000 employees.
Many of them had been with their company for 20, 30, 40 years.
He knew so many of those employees and they'd become his friends and these deep connections and he was so happy that Through his company, he could give them jobs and a livelihood and really just wonderful.
But again, that focus beyond himself on contribution, a mission bigger than himself.
So yes, he makes excellent cigars, but it's more than that.
I feel the same way about English. Yes, I try to be... a good English teacher.
My courses, I feel, are great. I did the best I could, and I want to teach you English and help you, but I felt exactly the same way, in a much smaller way, Effortless English, is also, it's a mission, it's a purpose, and it's about people and love and contribution and That's why I talk about topics like this.
That's why I don't just talk about verbs. and adverbs and vocabulary and TOEFL tests and stuff like that.
A lot of teachers just focus on that stuff.
Probably most do. But for me, you need some of that stuff, but there's not much mission there.
For me, contribution and love and connection and helping people change their lives in a really positive way using English, but more than just English.
And of course, the business helps take care of my family because of this business, I can stay home with my children every single day.
My children have both parents at home every single day.
They've never been away from me except when my son was first born in the hospital.
Since he came home, we've been together, my daughter and my wife, and I feel blessed because of that.
So family can give you anybody that mission.
And it never has to stop. It doesn't stop just because the kids grow up.
And you can also find other. missions. You can find your mission through or in a higher purpose through your temple or church Sangha.
Mosque. You can find it through any work. by having this mindset.
You can turn any job, any business, any volunteer project, anything into A mission that's bigger.
You know, just as Carlito Fuente did with cigars.
Just as I try to do with English. You can do it with anything.
You can do it with toilet cleaning. If you found a way, if you had a mindset that I'm not just cleaning toilets, but my mission is to go in and to be... to do the very highest, best job I can and to help people who are maybe super busy and They need help keeping their home clean.
Maybe you could build a little business around cleaning.
People have that with maids. and house cleaners and that way you help your employees and you have a mission to help them and take care of them and give them a living. so they can take care of their families.
You can have this mindset about anything.
It's not the job that's so important. It's the mindset of mission and contribution and ultimately love.
That's the thing. That's what makes it powerful.
When you have that, you will age in a much better way and your older, you know, your years as you get older, will be happy and full of meaning.
Now, another element, which we talk a lot about too, is the physical part.
Really, it's also mental, and that is being active, being active, being active. got to take care of your body.
And when you have a mission, now you have a reason to do it.
Because why do you want to take care of your body?
Why do you want to have more energy? I mean, if you're just going to sit around and do nothing and be bored and unhappy, there's really no reason.
That's why people give up and just sit and watch TV when they get older.
But when you have that mission and purpose, then you have a reason.
You're like, okay, well, I want to have as much energy and fitness and mental sharpness so that I can keep doing this mission as long as possible.
Keep helping others as much as I can. so that when I'm 80, I can still contribute.
And then that gives you a much bigger, much more powerful reason to exercise, to eat better.
It's not just about looking good. That is my motivation now.
You know, I had children when I was older, so I'd like to be around for them as long as I can, hopefully.
And just as importantly, as long as I'm here, I want to have enough energy and enthusiasm and fitness to still be able to contribute to my family to keep doing teaching and doing my podcast.
And also, of course, to be devoted to God.
There's lots of ways to exercise, but I do believe for health, I think that you've got to do some kind of cardio.
Lifting heavy weights is great. Or doing calisthenics, keeping your muscles as much as you can.
Very important. You definitely want to do that because you want to be able to move around.
You want to keep your joints, your knees and elbows and back and neck in good shape.
So you got to be careful you don't overdo it, especially when you start getting older.
You got to be a little more moderate. And this is where the heavy hands comes in.
I've been doing heavy hands, so I'm just going to give you my own personal story.
Last fall, so we moved to America. This is already a big challenge.
America has poisoned food. It's a crappy, unhealthy culture.
Just talking about physically. Okay, Americans are... fat in bad shape and super unhealthy.
We have the worst health in the world, any country I've ever visited.
It is definitely more difficult to be healthy here than it is in Japan, where we were living.
In Japan, most people are thin and in fairly good shape, even though they're not doing, even people who don't do tons of exercise or they're not really focused on health so much.
They're just naturally healthier because the whole culture is healthier.
The food, just the food that, the popular food is healthier.
Everything's just naturally healthier. So it is much easier to be healthy there.
And then if you make a little extra effort there, it's not so tough.
Here, you've got to be a maniac. You've got to really have a lot of determination and discipline and focus.
Because otherwise, if you kind of just do what most people do in the United States, you will become a fat pig.
You are going to get diabetes and heart disease and tons of other problems and aches and pains and By the time you're even in your 60s, you're going to be an old man or an old woman.
That's what happens to most people here.
It's sad. It's terrible. So we moved back here eight months ago.
My son had his surgery. It was hard. It was a big change for us and very, very stressful having a child. have to do a serious surgery like that.
So after the surgery, my son had to recover.
It was late fall, and then we got into winter.
And the short story is, for eight months I did nothing.
For the first time, probably in my whole life.
I did no exercise. Because here, everyone drives everywhere.
It's not even really quite difficult to go walking, like if you go to the grocery store, you have to drive.
So I just didn't. I drove everywhere. And I didn't do any exercise.
It was cold and snowy. And I just, you know, sad.
Eight months, and I got into bad shape. I gained a bunch of weight.
So let's see, 20 pounds, about 10 kilos I gained. in eight months and just start feeling tired And I finally hit a point where I'm like, I've got to do something.
I've got to change this. And I stopped doing jujitsu for various reasons.
So I finally, I started thinking, I gotta do something.
I gotta do something. If I don't do something now, I'm just gonna keep getting fatter and then I'm gonna end up like, my parents, like all the people I see around me.
So this is where I got into the heavy hand stuff.
And I found it, I don't know, just somehow, luckily online I found this thing about Heavy Hands, which is not popular here.
People really don't do it anymore. But I kind of remember it being popular back in the 1980s.
Back when I was... like in high school age.
So I researched it more, and I thought, you know, this is perfect, because...
I did do a half marathon last summer, but I didn't like running because it would take me away from the house and away from the kids. for too long.
And also it just, I don't know, I feel like it does kind of, running can easily become stressful to your body, and especially as you get older, it's easy to do too much, to go too fast.
And I was like, you know, I want to do something a little more moderate that's going to keep me in shape, something I can do for the rest of my life, even if I live into my 90s, that I could still do it.
And I came across this heavy hands and this Lynn Schwartz and his story that I just told you.
And it's just walking with hand weights, but all these great benefits.
Oh, this incredible research about how it gives such amazing cardio benefits to your heart, to your arteries, energy.
So I thought, all right, great, this sounds perfect.
So I started doing it. I started doing it, and when I first started doing it, I was doing about three days a week for about, I don't know, 30 minutes, 30 to 40 minutes.
And oh my God. my arms would ache. Like as soon as I started, after five minutes, my arms would just ache, even with these very light weights, swinging these light weights while I walked around.
I'll keep going. You know, I was just convinced by all the...
All the stories of so many people who had been in bad shape, and they started doing heavy hands, and they got in this amazingly great shape.
And Len Schwartz, his story. It's like, all right, I'm going to keep going.
And I kept going, you know, week after week.
And I jumped up. I increased the weight that I was carrying.
But then after a few weeks, I was like, oh my god, I don't feel like I'm getting any better.
And so I dropped the weight back down just using these super light weights.
And I'll admit, there's a little pride there.
I was kind of like, this is so light. It just feels like I'm not doing anything.
So I started getting discouraged after doing this a couple months. started getting discouraged.
Started feeling like, man, I've been doing this for eight weeks.
I don't really feel good. Much better. I'm still just as fat as I was, not losing any weight.
Zero. But then, you know, the thought came to my mind.
I'm like, well, I'm in a hole. It looks like I dug a hole.
What does that mean? Well, I did nothing for eight months.
And guess what? You lose it if you don't use it.
And I realized, you know, eight months, even though I've been active my whole life, eight months of doing nothing, I had gone backwards a lot.
I put on this weight, and I realize, well, I'm going to have to just pay the price for a while.
It might take a while before I start to see benefits.
I've just got to recover and try to get back to where I was.
So it was hard but I just kept doing it, right?
Kept doing it. I was doing it at night. It was kind of hard because it's super hot here in the evenings. but I was getting discouraged, right?
Maybe you've had this experience, maybe with English, right?
You sign up, you get Power English, You're listening every day.
You do an hour a day, two hours a day, three hours a day.
You're doing other things with English. It's just English, English, English.
Two months. And then you just feel like, ah.
I don't think my English is any better. I don't feel like I'm improving.
I'm doing all of this and nothing much is happening.
It can be very discouraging. It's a very common thing.
So... Another week went by and I kind of went light.
I just did a light week. I think I only like did heavy hands like two, Two days.
It was just before my dad came here. I thought, well, I'm just going to take a little break.
Really getting discouraged. So my dad came.
Last week. And we had a very nice visit with my dad.
He stayed for four nights and the kids had a great time with him.
And we went out to this state park out in the woods, just had these nature trails.
So during the time with him, my dad didn't go, but...
Me and the kids and my wife, we all went out and hiked along the trails and we saw lots of animals.
It was really great. And I felt really good.
Then I came back last week and I'd been talking to To my wife, and we both were talking about how, oh, your dad doesn't look good, and we're both getting... we both gain weight, we need to do something.
So we both decided, let's get serious about health and fitness.
She had a great suggestion, which is let's exercise in the morning instead of night.
It's so hot in the summer here. And we're very busy with the kids and getting ready for bedtime in the evenings.
It's hard to do it at night. So we're like, let's just get up early in the morning. and do it in the morning, and the kids can come out and join us, and they can ride their bikes around while we walk.
So I don't know what happened. This is the magic, guys.
This is the magic. I promise you, this will happen for you too.
I can't tell you exactly when, but it will happen.
I don't know what happened. Maybe it was the rest time I had in Out in the woods, in the trail, four or five days of just relaxing with the kids.
Some light walking. I don't know what happened.
But suddenly, last week, I came back, I started doing heavy hands, and I just felt amazing.
Like, my arms, nothing. No ache, no tiredness, nothing.
I felt like I could just keep going and going and going.
And so I'm now doing two hours every single day.
I was doing like three days a week, maybe four days a week.
I'm doing every single day now. every morning, and first I went, I did it like 40 minutes, because that's what I, I'd gotten up to 40 minutes, 40, 45 minutes.
So I went like 40, 45 minutes the first time after our vacation.
And I thought, I still feel great. And the kids are out.
We're all having fun. Like, you know what?
I'm going to keep going. And I did an hour.
And then I was like, I hope tomorrow I'm not going to be all tired.
Next morning I got up. I still felt fantastic.
Not tired, not worn out. I felt great. All right, let's go.
I did it. Next day, hour and a half. Still felt fantastic.
Boom. Just jumped it up to two hours every morning.
And that's what I've been doing now for the last five, six days.
I did two hours this morning. still feeling absolutely great.
I suddenly feel like, oh, my fitness is back.
I feel like I'm back to where I was last year.
But just before I quit jiu-jitsu or maybe when I was training for the half marathon, I'm like back at that level.
And I've actually dropped. One or two pounds, maybe one.
We'll just be conservative. But I actually see the scale is starting to go down a little bit.
There's a long way to go for losing weight, but at least it's moving the right direction finally.
It's the first time in eight months that I've seen it going down instead of up or not moving at all.
And this is that sudden breakthrough that happens to us after we work hard, work hard, work hard on something, so many times in life, in so many areas of life, You know, we have to create momentum is the way I think of it.
Momentum is when you're trying to push a big something big and heavy, like a big round rock or something.
So in the beginning, what's gonna happen?
Oh, it's super hard to make it move and it's, oh, you're using all your effort and it's barely moving.
You keep going, you keep going. Slowly it starts rolling a little more, a little more, a little more.
And then once it gets moving fairly fast...
Then you don't have to push so hard. You can just kind of keep pushing it a little bit, right, sometimes, and it'll keep rolling.
That's called momentum. Of course, in physics, it's also an actual, it has a specific meaning in physics.
But that's the basic idea, momentum. And sometimes in life, if we don't have that momentum, it takes a while to get there.
It takes a while for a breakthrough. It takes a while... until you start seeing those results.
And it can be very frustrating when you're working hard, working hard, working hard, and you've got no momentum or very little. and nothing much is happening, it can be tough to keep going, but you've got to keep going, because the breakthrough will happen.
And usually... That first breakthrough comes, and it's quite sudden, and it's big.
Get on our community site. for Effortless English, for our members.
And you're going to see that story again and again and again.
It's such a common story. And I did it for two months.
I did it for three months. I was doing the lessons for four months.
Nothing happened. And then suddenly, boom, I went to a meeting at my... company.
It was in English and suddenly I was just understanding everything and talking confidently and naturally.
I wasn't thinking about grammar. It just was coming out of my mouth.
Boom! It just seems like it's from nothing.
Of course, it's not from nothing because you worked hard for three, four months.
Okay? You just didn't realize. Things were happening in your brain, but you just didn't realize the benefits didn't kind of pop up It's the same idea with farming.
You plant the seed. It doesn't pop into a big plant suddenly.
Right? We've got a garden now, so I've seen this.
Some of the plants, I had these sweet potatoes.
I planted sweet potatoes in the spring. And they did nothing. for months, for months.
Like, let's see, we're in August now. So it was like, what, May, June, two and a half months.
Like a lot of the other plants are all growing.
The sweet potatoes just sat there, like one little, tiny little thing, a couple leaves, and they didn't grow at all. and they're getting water, they're getting sun, and I'm like, what is wrong with these sweet potatoes?
They're not growing. Nothing's happening.
And I was getting kind of frustrated, like, what?
I don't get it. What's happening? And then suddenly, like a few weeks ago, boom, they just exploded.
Now they're like growing like crazy. They're like, They're kind of like a vine almost, they look like.
And they're just... They're spreading out all over the garden.
You know, probably... when nothing was happening, probably what was happening is that the roots were growing, but I couldn't see it.
And that's a good metaphor, it's a good comparison to what happens in our lives.
So it's the same with the heavy hands. I was exercising for, you know, eight, nine, ten weeks.
And I wasn't seeing the results yet, but something obviously was happening in my body.
And as soon as I gave myself a little rest...
And then boom, it's just like suddenly now the results are here.
I'm feeling great. Now I can push forward and go higher and build my fitness.
And I'll keep going, keep going. And this process can repeat.
It's kind of like a plateau, you know? Right now I'm making big improvements.
But that's how it works. And it's going to work the same way with your English.
You're just going to suddenly find that it just explodes.
It's very common. Very common. So don't give up.
Don't quit after a few months because it's working.
I promise you it's working. And the same is true for your health or your fitness, especially if you have been kind of lazy like me. for a while.
And some people have been lazy for longer than eight months.
Some people have become fat and have been fat for longer than eight months.
Okay, well don't expect it all to change in one month.
Even if you suddenly start going to the gym or doing heavy hands or whatever you start doing, you're exercising two hours, three hours a day or And nothing's happening, nothing is happening after two months.
Well, it's probably just going to take longer.
You've done a lot of You've got no momentum, let's just put it that way.
So it's going to take a while for your body inside to make a lot of adjustments and start getting stronger and better, and you may not notice it happening for a while, but then suddenly you will. suddenly you will.
And once you get in decent shape, once the momentum's going, then it's easier to keep making improvements.
Like now that I'm at this level, It's easy for me now to keep pushing myself a little more.
I don't want to go too fast, right? But I can make adjustments.
Maybe a month from now or two months from now, I'll start doing a little bit heavier weights in my hands.
You know, I can add in, I've started adding in a little bit of strength work, functional patterns it's called.
So, you know, you can It's easier once you see the big result.
You get that breakthrough. Now you've got the momentum.
You're moving forward. You just keep going.
It's easier to keep it going once you have the momentum.
You'll see the same with your English. Once you get that first breakthrough, Does it mean your English is perfect?
Of course not. No, it'll never be perfect.
But when you get that breakthrough and now you're understanding and you're actually talking. and you're really feeling confident with English, then it's much easier to, you want to keep going.
You'll get more vocabulary. Your grammar will improve.
Maybe you say, oh, now I'm going to start working on pronunciation, too.
You get the pronunciation course, Improving your pronunciation, right?
It starts getting better and better and better and better.
But that first breakthrough is tough. I know, it is tough.
So finally bringing it around back to our original topic, which is aging.
This same idea is true for finding your mission and purpose, for keeping... a good level of mental and physical fitness as you get older.
And whatever your age now, if you don't have a mission, if you feel a bit lost, if you feel like your life isn't very meaningful, if you don't have any feeling of contribution bigger than yourself.
Or physically, if you've let yourself. get unhealthy.
You can turn it around. You can turn it around in both these areas.
But don't expect it to happen in one week.
Make your decisions, make a plan, and start making those strong efforts every day, and just keep doing it, keep doing it, keep doing it.
Just focus on not quitting. And just have faith.
I know, you just need faith in life. That's what Thoreau wrote about.
Faith is often used in... a religious context, right?
When we talk about religion, people talk about faith, but you need faith in all areas of life, including this.
You need faith that your efforts will eventually produce results.
And they will. If other people are getting those results, you'll get those results too.
Okay? You will. If other people are getting great results, doing certain kinds of exercises.
You will too, but it's not instant. So you've got to have that faith and keep going and just know you might need two, three, four, five, sometimes even six months. until you get that first breakthrough.
Once you get the first breakthrough, once you get the momentum going, it'll be easier after that, okay?
Until then, you must... Rely on faith. And the same is true for your mission.
People say, I don't have a mission. AJ, how do I find my purpose?
Well, you just... You just think about it, and you choose something, and you start working on it.
It could be anything, like Carlito Fuente and cigars.
It could be anything. You just think about it.
How can I contribute? How can I serve others and do something that will help? or serve God, something beyond just me.
Just pick something, okay? It doesn't have to be perfect.
You don't have to become a saint. Just choose something and start working on it every day, every day, every day.
And then it might change over time. It'll change and it'll grow.
But if you don't start, if you don't just try something, then if you never get started, then nothing will ever happen.
You never learn anything. You never grow.
And then you're just going to be stuck where you are.
So it doesn't have to be perfect. Just choose something.
If you have a family, boom, instant mission and purpose.
You already have it. Focus on your family first.
If you're religious, boom, you've already got it.
Focus on your religious community first.
If you don't have either of those things, find something else.
Focus on whatever work you do, whatever job or career you do, whatever you're studying.
Focus on that and try to think, how can I use this to help people, to truly help and serve people, not just to make money. but to really, truly help and contribute.
Focus there. And then just keep working every day, every day, every day, Have faith.
The breakthrough is coming. So those are my thoughts today on aging well, on mission and purpose, on physical fitness, on breakthroughs.
Have faith, really have faith, and move forward.
And if you're not sure, it doesn't matter.
Just choose something, move forward with faith, promise you, I promise you, you will break through eventually.
Lots of love to you. See you next time.
Bye for now.
